Trouble Finds A Way
The Hazzard County orphanage stands proudly amongst
the tall Georgia pines, a little run down but it does
the job. From the nearby highway the children can hear
the roar of a loud, powerful engine. All them
youngen’s run out to meet the visitors.
<Balladeer>
This is the Hazzard County orphanage. And them two
fellas driving that orange stock car, the General Lee,
in case you been livin’ in a cave are cousins Bo an’
Luke Duke. They fight the system, any system.
Bo slides the General to a smooth stop in front of
the orphanage and revs the engine up for the little
ones before he shuts it off . Bo and Luke start to
climb out through the windows,
<Balladeer>
If yer wonderin’ why they get out that way, the
doors is welded shut on a racin’ car!
One of the little orphans, the sweetest little girl
this side o’ Chickasaw county, races over to the car
and the duke boys. “Bo! Bo! Come and see the tree fort
we is makin’,” cries the small girl. “Well howdy there
little Annie! I’ll have to come’n see that fort later
darling, I’m here to see Sally-Jo!” pipes Bo. “Oh...
Bo! Sally-Jo’s gone!” Tears start to well up in the
little girl’s eyes. Luke makes his way over to the
two, looks down at little Annie, turns to Bo and
says,”Bo, what’d ya do? You’re always makin’ girls
cry!” Bo protests, “Well gosh Luke I didn’t do
anything... this time!”
Little Annie runs off into the building followed by
Bo and Luke with Bo hollerin’, “Now Annie, wait just a
second! I’m sorry! Come back here! I didn’t mean to
upset ya sweetheart!”
<Balladeer>
I guess ol’ Bo figures he can use a little Duke
family charm to get himself outta this one!
By the time the boys get into the orphanage Annie is
already being comforted by a young woman. The woman
looks down at the small child in her arms an’ asks, “
What’s wrong Annie?” “I think it was something I
said!” Bo answers. “Why if it isn’t Bo and Luke Duke!
Breakin’ young ladies hearts as usual. But I see you
boys sure did grow up nice!” The young woman cries, as
she stands up with a sparkle in her stunning green
eyes, to greet the tall young men. “Annie! Annie! come
an’ see this here bug we’s found!” shouts another
child as he runs in through the back door. “ Now
Jethro! What did I tell ya bout bugs inside!? Take it
out back!” Annie looks up with an expression of
excitement and takes off to join her friends.
“ Mary-Lou Thompson!” states Bo. “Well I don’t know
if Bo here grew up none, but you sure did Darlin’.”
remarks Luke.
<Balladeer>
Now what’d I tell ya bout them duke boys and their
charm?
Mary-Lou and Luke share a giggle while Bo looks at
his cousin with contempt and says,
“Luke that wasn’t very nice,” he looks at Mary-Lou and
adds, “I’m sorry I upset Annie. All I did was say that
we was here to visit Sally-Jo. Annie said she was
gone, where’d she go?” “Well I don’t
really know,” replied Mary-Lou, ”but I do know why she
went. She was only gonna be here for a short time
anyways, until some city slicker from Atlanta could
come in an’ care for these here youngens. She just
decided to leave a week early.”
“Now why didn’t she tell me any of this?” puzzled
Bo. Mary-Lou added, “I’m here to take over til’ that
Hotlanta woman gets here tomorrow. My mama’s on the
orphanage’s auxiliary board an’ they asked me to look
out for these little guys til’ then.” Bo repeats, “Now
why didn’t she tell me any of this?”
“The only other thing I know is somethin’ bout
wantin’ her baby to grow up in the city.” says
Mary-Lou.
Bo and Luke pause and look at each other, “Baby? What
baby?”
The phone hanging on the wall rings loudly shocking
Bo and Luke out of their, well, shock. “Excuse me but
that’s my job callin’,” Mary-lou turns around and
picks up the phone, “Hello, Hazzard County Orphanage,
Mary-Lou speakin’. Oh...yes sir...that’s wonderful
sir! Well thank you! If you ever need the help again
you now where to find me. Goodbye!”
“Good news?” asks Luke. “The new orphanage caretaker
Mrs.Fairweather is on her way! I can go home now!”
answers Mary-Lou. “Well, Mary do ya fancy a ride in
the General Lee and a sip o’ Hazzard’s finest at the
Boar’s nest?” Bo says with a smile and wink of his
baby blues. “You boys aren’t still drivin’ that ol’
Charger are ya?” “What else would we drive sugar?”
Asks Bo. “ Well let’s hit the hills gang, you can
catch up with our cousin Daisy at the nest!” says Luke
as he and Bo race out of the door to the General Lee.
<Balladeer>
Now I reckon those boys are takin’ a shine to that
pretty little fillie, don’t you? Well at least as far
as Dukes go they haven’t gotten themselves into too
much trouble today. But then the day ain’t over yet is
it?
Somewhere on the road into Hazzard there’s trouble a
brewin’. A big ol’ black sedan is tearin’ up the dirt
roads just as fast as it can to get that woman from
Atlanta City to the orphanage. Just around the bend a
blue Malibu is waiting for that big ol’ sedan. A tall
thin man is standing on the road watching for the them
and signals back to to the others waiting in the
Malibu. “ Barthalomew pull it out onto the road.” The
Malibu moves into the road ready to block the sedan
from gettin’ anywhere except in the ditch. Which is
exactly where it ends up. All them folks pile out of
that blue malibu, totin’ guns along with em.
<Balladeer>
Now what do ya spose’ them nasties is up to? Back at
the Boar’s Nest there’s a couple more baddies schemin’
away.
In the back room of the Boar’s Nest, the hub of
Hazzard social culture, county commissioner Jefferson
Davis Hogg sits planning his next move with Hazzard’s
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.
Boss Hogg stuffs another pig foot into his fat little
face while Rosco looks on hungrily, “Oh... those look
good, can I just have..” Rosco reaches for a nibble
off Boss’s plate, and has his hand quickly slapped
away.
“Rosco, the Hazzard county orphanage sits on a very
valuable piece of land,” says Boss, through a mouthful
o’ food, “and I’ve been tryin’ to foreclose on their
mortgage for ten years. But somebody always gets in
the way!” “The Duke Boys?” asks Rosco. “Yeah! And
their Uncle Jesse too! But now I have a sure fire plan
to get that land!” J.D. Hogg replies with a smirk. “
Oh yeah Boss!? What’s that how you gonna do that cause
you know them Duke’s is gonna get in the way again!?”
“The Duke’s are not gonna know anything about it,” the
Boss gets up from the table and moves over to the map
of Hazzard County on the wall, “The orphanage is
getting someone new to take care of the orphans
today.”
“ But Boss, how do you know that?” Rosco asks. “You
know Mabel over at the telephone company is my third
cousin.” remarks Boss. “Gyuk, Gyuk, Gyuk! I love it! I
love it!... But I still don’t get how your gonna be
able to foreclose on the mortgage?!” “Oh you dummy,
not much gets through that thick skull o‘ yours do it?
You’re gonna stop that lady from even gettin’ to that
orphanage. And with no one to look after the
orphans,I, J.D. Hogg, as county commissioner can
declare it to be unsatisfactory conditions and close
it. Then I get all the land it sits on.” chuckles
Boss. “Oh Boss I love it!....But how am I gonna stop
that orphanage lady?” Puzzles Rosco.” Make somethin'
up you dipstick!” yells Boss, “ Now get going she’s
already on her way!” Boss shoves Rosco through the
doors and out into the Boar’s Nest. Rosco turns to the
door and shakes his fist in the air.
<Balladeer>
Well wouldn’t ya know it! Boss figures the Dukes
ain’t gonna get involved! Too bad for him they
already are. Not to mention the fact that cousin Daisy
was listenin’ from behind the bar to every word that
came outta ol’ JD’s mouth. Remember those nasties I
was tellin’ ya’ll about?
“Jimmy, what happened?” asks the woman from Atlanta
as she pulls herself out of the big ol’ sedan. “ I’m
sorry Mrs. Fairweather, but there was somebody parked
in the middle of the road!” The
driver Jimmy answers. “Well it doesn’t matter just so
long as we is oka.......” Her sentence is cut off as
she looks up the barrel of a .45. “Get up!” Shouts the
woman on the other end of the gun. “I’m sorry, I’m
movin’ as fast as these old bones can carry me!”
replies Mrs. Fairweather with a shake in her voice.
“Barthalomew be a gentleman and help the old bitty
up!” “Yes Mama Bernadette.” whimpers the man. “Hurry
it up! And I ain’t yer Mama!” cries Bernadette, “Now
if you two want to see next Christmas you’d better
stay here and keep your mouths shut! Where are the
papers?” Mrs. Fairweather replies, “Papers? What
papers? I’m sorry I don’t know what you’re talkin’
bout!” “Now don’t lie to me, “ Bernadette shoves the
gun into the old woman’s face, “Michelangelo, check
the car!” “Yes Mama Bernadette!” Michelangelo answers.
“ I ain’t yer mama neither! Now we is gonna be on our
way to the orphanage,” Michelangelo brings a suitcase
over to Bernadette, ”Thank you for packing so nicely
for me Mrs Fairweather!” Bernadette and her two goons
get back into their blue Malibu an’ peel off toward
the Hazzard County Orphanage.
<Balladeer>
Well don’t that just beat all! The real Mrs.
Fairweather ain’t gonna make it to the
orphanage. In any other county the sight of that
smokey bear headed this way would mean that the fake
Mrs. Fairweather wouldn’t neither. But this ain’t no
other county, it’s Hazzard.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane, who is unaware of the
switch drives right past the blue Malibu carrying
Bernadette, the false Mrs.Fairweather, with a tip of
his hat.
Mrs.Fairweather and her driver Jimmy are still
standing on the side of the road beside the wrecked
sedan in a state of shock when Rosco comes around the
bend. “I got em’, I got em’! Boss is gonna be so proud
a me!” he cries as he pulls over to the side of the
road. “Oh sheriff thank goodness you’re here!!” calls
Mrs.Fairweather. “I’m sorry lady but you’re both under
arrest for littering on Hazzard County property!”
Rosco says as he points to the vehicle in the ditch,
“you’re both gonna have to come down to the station
with me, so I can cuff ya and stuff ya.”
<Balladeer>
Well ain’t that just like Rosco to arrest the wrong
folks!
“YEEEEEE-HAW!!!!!!” cry Bo and Luke as the General
Lee flies over a crick by Fox Hollow. Bo lands the
General on the other side with ease.
<Balladeer>
Don’t ya think he drives like he was born behind the
wheel of that vehicle!?
“Well now that you have sufficiently proven you ain’
t lost yer touch or yer nerve Bo, I think I’d like to
keep my feet on the ground!” Mary-Lou says with a
smile. “She’s right Bo! Let’s head over to the Boar’s
Nest.” Luke says. “Hang on folks!” hollers Bo as he
turns the General Lee 180 degrees slicker than a
bald-tired semi on a mile a red asphalt.
The three, er make that four includin’ the General,
slide into the opening between Deputy Enos Strate’s
squad car and cousin Daisy Duke’s Jeep Dixie. Bo and
Luke slide out of the windows like the old pros they
are. Bo turns and helps Mary-Lou out, she ain’t gotten
out of the General in a couple years. ”I forgot how
much of a hassle that was! One day I’m gonna cut those
doors open!” Mary-Lou exclaims as Bo pulls her out.
The doors to the Nest open and out comes Deputy Enos
Strate. “Bye Daisy! Thanks for the milk! Maybe I’ll
see you later Daisy!” Enos calls back into Daisy as he
trips over a flower pot. Enos topples over into the
dirt. But he just stands up with a smile dusts himself
off and puts his hat back on his head. “Howdy Enos!
Judging by your exit I say Daisy must be workin’!”
says Luke. “Hi Luke. Hi Bo. Howdy Ma’am.” replies Enos
with a smile and a tip of his hat to Mary-Lou.
“ENOS, YOU DIPSTICK! YOU GOT YOUR EARS ON?” Rosco’s
voice crackles over the CB radio. Enos races to his
car and grabs his radio, “I’m right here Sheriff!”
“Well where’s here Enos?” Rosco asks, annoyed at Enos.
“Oh,“ says Enos, “I’m at the Boar’s Nest with Bo and
Luke Sheriff!” “Well Enos,“ cries Rosco, “never mind
them Dukes get down here to the station I need ya to
book some criminals! Gyuk! Gyuk! Gyuk!” “Yes sir
Sheriff I’ll be right there,”Enos replies, “sorry I
can’t stay an’ chat fellas, duty calls!” Enos jumps in
his patrol car and is gone faster than you can say
possum on a gumbush!
<Balladeer>
There goes the only honest lawman in Hazzard county,
and the man with the biggest crush on Daisy Duke in
Hazzard County, but then any man who didn’t have a
crush on Daisy ought to have his head examined!
“MARY-LOU THOMPSON!” shouts Daisy as she leaps over
the bar. “Well I haven’t seen you in coon’s age!
How’ve you been!?” The two women hug, Bo and Luke roll
their eyes, “Coon’s don’t live that long.” says Bo.
“Yeah you’ d think it’ s been a century since they
last seen each other!” replies Luke.
While the Dukes are busy catching up with Mary at the
Nest Mama Bernadette and her boys, who ain’t really
her boys, are just arriving at the orphanage. “See
boys, I told ya’ll Hazzard would be the perfect place
for this! The sheriff didn’t even notice us comin’
into town!” Mama remarks as Bart and Mike get her bags
out of the trunk.
“Mrs. Fairweather! Come and see our tree fort!!”
cries Jethro as the children run to greet their new
caretaker. “Not now son! I need all you children to
get on the bus we’re going on a little trip!” replies
Mama with a sly grin.
<Balladeer>
I hate those kinda smiles!
Back at the Hazzard County Sheriff’s station Enos and
Rosco are booking the real Mrs. Fairweather and Jimmy
for littering. “Sheriff why are we jailin’ them for
littering? Can’t you just give them a ticket or
something?” asks Enos. “No! It was a big litter Enos!
Now I’m the Sheriff around here an’ what I say goes!
Got it?” cries Rosco. “Yes sir Sheriff!”
“Oh please Sheriff! You have to believe us! Someone
ran us off the road.” whines Jimmy. “Hush, hush.
Criminals have the right to remain silent.” shouts the
Sheriff.
<Balladeer>
Now while the real Mrs. Fairweather is in jail the
phoney one is get away with whatever it is she’s
doin’. I haven’t figured it out yet but when I do I’ll
let you know.
At the Boar’s Nest Daisy had just finished telling
Bo, Luke and Mary what she overheard Boss and Rosco
saying.
“I have to get back to the orphanage, the kids are
gonna be scared all by themselves! Daisy can I borrow
your jeep? I won’t be long, I promise!” pleads Mary. “
Now Mary-Lou that won’t be nessescary!” “It won’t?” “
No,” replies Daisy, “Bo is gonna take you in the
General Lee.” “I am?” asks Bo. “Yep!” “I am! Let’s go
Mary I know every shortcut!” says Bo. “Daisy n’ me
will follow.” says Luke. “Just try to keep up cuz!”
calls Bo as he grabs Mary-Lou by the hand and heads
out the front door. Bo, however doesn’t make it out
the front door as he crashes into Enos, who’s on his
way in.
Mary-Lou crashes into Bo, Luke crashes into Mary-Lou
and Daisy crashes into Luke sending
everybody out the door and onto poor ol’ Enos, who’s
at the bottom of the pile. “Is everybody okay?” asks
level-headed Luke, he’ll be mad later. “I think so!”
“My head hurts!” “ Who said that?” asks Luke. “ Me,
Enos!” Daisy helps Luke up, who helps Mary-Lou up, who
helps Bo up, who helps Enos up.
<Balladeer>
People in Hazzard like to help each other out.
“ I’m sorry ya’ll, but I’m just so darn upset.” says
Enos. “What’s botherin’ ya Enos?” Daisy inquires. “The
sheriff arrested two people for litterin’ this
mornin’. I don’t think that was very right of him.”
“Enos do ya know the names of those two?”asks Luke.
“Mrs. Fanny Fairweather and JImmy Oswald.” Enos states
proudly at his recollection.
“Bo you an Mary head up to the orphanage, keep all
them kids under control. Daisy n’ me will make a visit
to the jailhouse. Call us on the CB if there’s any
trouble.” Luke says as he crashes into Cooter
Davenport, the local mechanic and friend of the
Dukes.”You oughta watch where you’re going there Lucas
Dukas!” cries Cooter, who could wreck anything and
then fix it up better than it was. He was also a big
help to the Dukes on many ocassions. “Sorry Cooter! We
don’t have time to chat now, but keep your ears on we
might need your help! You too Enos!” Luke says as he
gets into the driver’s seat of Daisy’s Jeep.
<Balladeer>
Now didn’t I tell ya there was a lot of day left to
get them boys in trouble.
Luke and Daisy make it to the jailhouse faster than
any Duke in history. “I’ve never wanted to come here.”
says Luke as he holds the door open for Daisy. The two
make their way down to the jail, they’ve been here
enough to know the way.
“Mrs.Fairweather?” Daisy inquires as they step into
view. “Yes, that’s me. And who are you
darling?” asks Mrs.Fairweather. “I’m Daisy Duke, and
this here is my cousin Luke Duke. We wanted to ask you
a few questions.” “Well I suppose a few questions
won’t hurt anybody. What is it that you two want to
know?” “Well,” Luke says, ”we was wondering why you
two got arrested. And if the sheriff said anything
unusual.” “The Sheriff arrested us for littering,”
Jimmy replies joinin’ the
conversation, “we were run off the road by some folks
in an old blue Malibu, they took all of Mrs.
Fairweather’s luggage and the papers sayin’ she was to
take charge of the orphanage.” “They held us at
gunpoint and made us swear we wouldn’t tell a soul.”
adds Mrs.Fairweather. “Then your
sheriff comes along and arrests us for littering. Our
damaged car sitting of the side of the road was
litter. So he booked us and here we are.” says Jimmy.
“That seems awful strange, Rosco arresting ya’ll for
litterin’.” Luke comments. “Well not too strange,
remember I told ya that Boss wanted Rosco to stop
these two from gettin’ to the orphanage.” Daisy
reminds Luke. “That’s right.” Luke says with that
thinkin’ look he gets on his face. “Oh Luke you don’t
think Boss would have Mrs.Fairweather run off the road
do ya?” Daisy asks. “No. I don’t think Boss and Rosco
had anything to do with this one, they did throw these
two in the slammer so he could foreclose on the
orphanage’s mortgage.” “Oh! That’s a terrible thing to
do! You have to save the orphanage Luke!” cries Mrs.
Fairweather. Luke and Daisy agree to savin’ the little
ones just as soon as their two new friends tell them
what the hijackers looked like.
Bo and Mary-Lou pull into the orphanage just behind
the orphanage’s bus. All of the children pile out and
walk towards the building heads down. “What’s the
matter with them?” Bo asks. “I don’t know, they’ve
never come back from an outing looking like that
before, “Mary answered and in a low voice says,
“Annie, hey Annie! Come over here!” Remember the
sweetest girl in the county, little Annie sneaks over
to Bo and Mary-Lou. As Little Annie gets close she
begins to run. She runs right into Bo’s arms without
sayin’ a word. “Excuse me! Can I help you two?” Bo and
Mary-Lou look up into the nasty face of Mama
Bernadette. “I’m Mrs.Fairweather, I wasn’t informed of
any visitors.” She says as she softens her expression
slightly. “We just wanted to come say hello to Annie
here. Could we have a minute with her?” Mary-Lou asks
with a sweet little smile on her face. “Why of course,
just send her in when your done.” Mama Bernadette
answers.
Bo heads over to the General to call Luke an’Daisy on
the CB, “Lost sheep callin’ Country Cousin. You got
yer ears on?” “Yeah I hear ya Lost Sheep. Go ahead.”
Daisy’s voice replies. “Well Mary-Lou an’ me are over
here at the orphanage and we just met Mrs.Fairweather.
Looks like everythings fine after all ya’ll!” Bo says.
“Now hold on Bo, er Lost Sheep, my cousin n’ me just
meet Mrs.Fairweather. Whose on the wrong side of a
jail cell.” says Daisy. “That’s not all Bo,“ Mary adds
as she stands up carryin’ Annie with her, “go on Annie
tell Bo what ya just told me.” “Hey can ya’ll just
stand by for two shakes of a lamb’s tail, there’s a
little lady here who’s gonna tell me a story,” Bo says
into the radio, he turns to the girls, “alright then
Annie what is it you need to tell me?” Annie looks at
Mary-Lou and then at Bo, who is smilin’ back at her.
“Well,” starts Annie, “we went on a trip today. But it
weren’t a very nice trip. We was at the coal mine,
diggin’ fer stuff. I like diggin’ but not if somebody
makes me dig. Then it’s like makin’ yer bed, if
somebody tells ya ya gotta, it ain’t fun no more.”
Bo staggers over to the General Lee, shocked at what
he’s just heard, he grabs the CB and says, “Country
Cousin? This here’s Lost Sheep, I, I guess everythin’
not okay here. I got some big news to tell ya. I don’t
think I should tell ya over the air. Let’s just say
the orphans need our help. Meet me where we played
hooky from school.”
Bo shooed Annie back off the orphanage and helped
Mary back into the General. Just as Bo was gettin’ in
a familiar voice says over the CB, “Lost Sheep this is
Shepard, hear there’s trouble at the orphanage. I’ll
meet ya too!” “Well Uncle Shepard,” Bo grabs the CB
and says, “that’d be great if you knew where we was
gonna meet.” “B... I mean Lost Sheep, there was never
a time I didn’t know where you two boys was at, I
still know every place you go.” the voice replies. Bo
laughs. Mary asks, “Was that yer Uncle Jesse? I
haven’t seen him in years!” “Breaker one! Breaker one!
I might be crazy but I ain’t dumb!
CCCRRRRRAAAAZZZZYYYY COOTER comin’ atcha!” Cooter’s
voice interrupts over the radio, “I’ll meet all you
sheeps and shepards too, knowin’ ya’ll you’ll probably
need my help.”
<Balladeer>
I don’t know how helpful ol’ Cooter’s gonna be, he
gets into just as much trouble as the Dukes do!
Back inside the orphanage Mama Bernadette’s Boys, who
weren’t her boys, were listenin’ to their CB radio
too, they heard the whole conversation. “Hey Mama!!”
Bart calls. “I ain’t yer Mama!” “Somebody’s found out
what we been doin today down in that coal mine!” Mama
sticks her head in the door, “Yeah, I’ll bet it was
those two pesky kids out front, get in the car and
follow em before they leave and ya can’t find em’
again. Don’t let them tell anybody else!” She laughs
knowin’ that knowbody’s ever gotten away from Bart and
Mike, she ain’t never been to Hazzard County before.
The General Lee pulls out of the orphanage before
Mama Bernadette’s boy’s even get
outside. They don’t have a hope of catchin’ Bo now.
They discover this and decide to head back inside to
formulate a plan.
“Hey Daisy take a look at this!” Luke cries as he
looks at the post office bulletin board. “Wanted. Mama
Bernadette Jones, Barthalomew Stevens, and
Michelangelo Dunkirk. Well Luke those look like the
hijackers that Mrs.Fairweather and Jimmy just
described.” Daisy reads off a poster. “I bet they are.
Take a look at this three counts of identity theft,
grand theft auto and attempted murder! We best be
careful if we’re dealin’ with Mama Bernadette and her
Boys!” “Did you say Mama Bernadette!!! Possum on a
gumbush!” cries Deputy Enos who had been readin’ over
Luke’s shoulder. Luke turns around and clasps his hand
over Enos’s mouth, “Enos! Quiet down!” Luke drops his
hand but motions a shh to Enos. “They’re wanted in
every county, “ whispers Enos, “includin’ Hazzard for
just about every violation imaginable. If I could
catch them I’d make the Sheriff so proud!”
The General Lee was first to arrive followed by
Cooter’s Tow Truck then Daisy’s Dixie and Uncle Jesse’
s truck. Luke told everybody about the wanted poster
and that Enos knew, and he told every one his plan.
“I’ve got an idea. Let’s go Bo.” Luke says. “Whenever
he says that I get in
trouble!” Bo exclaimed as he slide into the driver’s
side window of the General.
<Balladeer>
Luke’s plan was simple. Get Mama Bernadette and her
boys outta the orphanage, get chased by them, let
Rosco and Enos arrest them, collect the re-ward money,
use it to bail Mrs.Fairweather out and take her back
to the orphanage. Simple right? Nothin’s simple for
the Dukes.
Getting the gang out of the orphanage would be easy.
The General Lee skids to a halt in front of the
orphanage and Bo honks the Dixie horn. All of the kids
cheer and peek their heads out of the windows. “Mama,
those kids is back!” Bart says. “Well get em’” Bart
and Mike race out of the door and into their blue
Malibu. Bo, Luke and the General Lee sit quiet and
still, like a cat huntin’ a mouse. Bo moves to shift
into gear, Luke stops him, “Wait Bo, we gotta give em’
a chance. Remember we want them to chase us.”
Mama’s Boys are utterly confused, they don’t know why
that car ain’t goin’ nowhere. “Mama, I think we need
yer help.” Mike calls over the CB. Faster than a five
year old on christmas morning Mama Bernadette is out
the door and in the car, “Well are you gonna chase
them or not?” she asks. Bart starts the engine and
puts the car into drive. “Mama they ain’t movin’” Bart
says as the Malibu moves closer to the General Lee.
Just before they’re hit Bo slams the General into gear
and puts the hammer down. Tires spinnin’, rubber
burnin’, and dust flyin’.
<Balladeer>
I’ve been waitin’ for that to happen!
The sun had begun to set and the light was fadin’
fast, “I hate drivin’ in the dark!” says Bo. “Well
then drive faster!” cries Luke. “Yes sir!” Mama
Bernadette and her boys follows the Dukes over the
dirt roads of Hazzard County, across the fields,
through the bushes and even over some creeks. “He’s a
good driver. But not as good as you Bo Duke!” Bo cries
as he puts his foot to the floor pushin’ that ol’
charger as fast as it would go!
<Balladeer>
While the boys were leading the chase further away
from the orphanage Uncle Jesse and Mary-Lou snuck back
in to take care of the kids. Cooter and Daisy went
into town to call the state police, who were also
looking for Mama Bernadette and her boys. They wanted
to make sure that re-ward money would go to the true
capturers of the gang, Bo and Luke, not Rosco.
“Luke Duke callin’ Sheriff Rosco! You got yer ears on
Rosco?” Luke says into the CB radio. “Yeah I read ya
Luke Duke.” “Good. Now Rosco, you and Enos set up road
block on ol’ Mill Road, we’re headed your way now!”
“Yes sir!” cries Rosco, “ehuu what am I doin’ callin’
a Duke sir?” he says to himself. The state police also
had their ears on and were listenin’ to Luke’s
instructions, they decided to head over to take Mama
and her boys to the state pen where they belonged.
“Well cuz, it looks like we better jump ol’ Mill
pond, cause I don’t see Rosco around
anywhere.” says Bo as he turns the General offroad. “I
guess it’s the only thing left to do!”
Bo jams the gas pedal down in order to get enough
speed to make the jump. The gang behind em’ also hits
the gas just hopin’ to catch up, they don’t know
what’s ahead of them.
The wheels of the General leave the ground and the
Dukes sail above the crisp water of the pond. General
Lee lands on the other side with a thud but no damage.
Bo puts the General into an easy 180 and they stop
facing the pond. The ol’ Mailbu sails over the ridge
at half the speed the Dukes did, and makes it halfway
across. Splash! They land right in the middle of the
pond. Mama Bernadette spits out a mouthful of water
and shouts, “Get out and get those kids!” Bart and
MIke climb out of the water logged vehicle and wade
towards the shore. Bo and Luke also get out of their
car. “Well Luke, do ya think we can handle em’ cuz?”
Bo asks. “I know we can handle them,” Luke replies, “I
just don’t think they can handle us!”
Mama’s boys, who weren’t really her boys, step on to
the shore crackin’ their knuckles and rollin’ up their
sleeves. “Ready cuz?” Bo asks. “GO!” shouts Luke. The
Duke boys fly at Mama’s boys knockin’ em’ both to the
ground.
Rosco and Enos pull up, followed by the state police
to see the boys scrappin’ in the dirt. “Aww, they
started without me.” whines Enos. “Hush you dipstick!
Hush!” cries Rosco. The state troopers race past the
Hazzard sheriff’s department, Rosco and Enos. “Freeze!
Now ya’ll get up nice and easy!” One of the troopers
calls out, both with their guns drawn. All do as the
are told, including Enos. “Put your hands down
Dipstick, your the law.” says Rosco, Enos puts his
hands down. The state troopers cuff Bart, and Mike and
Mama Bernadette and throw them in the back of their
patrol car. “ Now I believe there is a re-ward
involved for you boys.” One trooper says. “Thank you.
You can make the cheque out to Sheriff Rosco P.
Coltrane!” exclaims the sheriff with a grin. “Rosco!”
cries Bo. “I was referring to these two boys over
here.” the trooper points out. “Who the Duke boys?”
asks Rosco.
<Balladeer>
Well don’t that beat all. Luke knew Rosco would
claim that re-ward money, that’s why he had Daisy and
Cooter call the state police. Remember? Well the Dukes
were able to bail out old Mrs. Fairweather and her
driver JImmy. Mrs.Fairweather could finally get to the
orphanage to do her job. Boss Hogg didn’t have any
grounds on which to foreclose their mortgage. So the
Dukes saved to orphanage yet again! Just like they
promised.
Bo and Luke stand in front of the orphanage with
their friends and family. “Well that was one heck of a
day I’m tuckered!” exclaims Uncle Jesse. “ Me too. But
Uncle Jesse imagine how Bo and Luke must feel!” cries
Cooter. “Cooter I ain’t yer Uncle Jesse!” Everyone
laughs. Bo turns to Mary-Lou and says, “Well ya didn’t
see everything the General can do! How bout a
moonlight ride?” “No thanks,” says Mary-Lou, “but I
wanna drive!” She races over to the General Lee and
jumps into the driver-side window. Bo sighs, then
smiles, “YEEEEE-HAW!” He hollers as he races to the
General Lee and slides in the window with ease.
<Balladeer>
What did I tell ya bout’ havin’ the rest of the day
to get into trouble? All this happened cause ol’ Bo
went a’visitin’ a girl! Wonder what kinda trouble they
is gonna find tomorrow? Well ya’ll come back now ya
here!
THE END