by: Bo Schneider
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Bo and Luke Duke were doing some fishing out at Hazzard Pond. Bo was still steamed about that squirrel that kept bugging him the day he and Luke went out hunting, and vowed to get revenge on the squirrel and whoever if anyone who was cahoots with it. Luke had been in a good mood all week, ever since he and his little squirrel friend pulled a fast one on Bo.
No one had gotten in Bo’s way since then because every time someone tried to talk to him he would start yelling at them. Some how Luke had managed to get Bo to come fishing with him. Little did Bo know that the convict was sitting next to him fishing without a care in the world. And little else did he know, that screwy squirrel was sitting in the tree right above his head. He had been offered a bonus nut if he could get Bo a second time. The little squirrel some how understood Luke and agreed.
The squirrel was waiting for just the right time before he made his jump. Bo got up to get something from the General Lee, that’s Bo and Luke’s orange stockcar. The squirrel saw this as his chance to strike. He jumped out of the tree and landed in Bo’s hair. Bo screamed out in surprise at the sudden impact on his head. Luke looked up acting all innocent so that Bo wouldn’t know it had been him the first time. Bo jumped and ran around trying to get the squirrel out of his hair. Luke couldn’t help but laugh at his cousin’s reaction to the unexpected visitor in his hair.
Bo stumbled and fell into the water, the squirrel having jumped off his head and landed on the ground before Bo hit the water. Luke cried out in laughter and was rolling on the ground in a laughter fit. The squirrel sat on the edge of the pond looking at the water where Bo had fallen in. Bo suddenly jumped out of the water splashing water everywhere. He hit Luke and the squirrel with cold pond water. Luke sat up straight and had a surprised look on his face. He wasn’t expecting to get soaked, but couldn’t help but laugh when he saw hi cousin. Bo had seaweed and mud in his hair and all over his clothes. Luke noticed that Bo had something in his mouth.
When he realized what it was he started laughing uncontrollably. Bo spit out the rather large fish that had some how gotten in his mouth. He looked over at Luke and saw him rolling on the ground laughing hard. An idea came to Bo. He took off his boots and made sure they were full of water. He walked out of the water and over to his laughing cousin. Luke was laughing so hard, he didn’t even notice what Bo was about to do to him.
“Hey cousin. You think that was funny? Well how do you like this?” Bo said with an evil grin on his face. He dumped the water on Luke. Luke sat up completely shocked and soaked. Bo reached up and pulled some seaweed off his head and dropped it on Luke’s head. The squirrel had been sitting drying it’s self off when Bo came walking up to him. The squirrel was so busy trying to get dry that he didn’t even see the irate blond approach him. Bo dumped the rest of the water on the little squirrel and walked off towards the General. When Bo was out of sight, Luke called the squirrel over and gave him his pay for doing such an excellent job.
Later back at the farm, Daisy was in the kitchen getting dinner ready while Jesse was in the living room reading the paper. Jesse jumped when he heard the front door slam shut and Bo come storming in the house. Bo went into the room that he and Luke had shared since Bo came to live at the farm. Luke came in a few minutes later wearing a big grin. Jesse noticed Luke’s grin and began to wonder what his oldest nephew had done.
“Luke, what did you do to Bo this time? He came storming in here covered in mud and seaweed and smelling like fish.”
“It wasn’t only me Uncle Jesse. My little friend was in on it too.” Luke explained. Unknown to Luke, while Bo was getting out some dry clean clothes he over heard Luke talking about that squirrel. An idea sparked in Bo’s mind and he thought of the perfect way to get back at Luke and that squirrel that Luke was in cahoots with. All he had to do was wait for Jesse and Luke to leave, then he would start to put his plan into motion.
The next day Luke and Jesse went into town to get some parts for the tractor, while Bo volunteered to stay at the farm and ‘collect eggs’. When Bo was sure Jesse and Luke were gone (Daisy having left for the week to go to a friend’s house in Atlanta) he went over to the phone and got the phone book out from under the stand the phone was on. He searched through it and found the number he was looking for.
“Animal Tricksters. The Best Trained Animals in the Tri-County Area. Any Kind of Animal Available. Skunks, Possums, Raccoons, and Spiders Upon Request. Pick-up and Delivery Available. Hours Mon-Sun 12 pm-12am. If Interested Please Call 555-2626. A Small Fee Will Apply.” Bo said out loud to himself, a large grin appearing on his face. Bo picked up the phone and dialed the number. The phone rang three times before someone answered the other end.
“Hello, Animal Tricksters. This is Vance how may I help you?”
“Yes I was interested in one of your animals. I need one to pull a trick over my cousin and a little friend of his.”
“Ah, you have called the right place my friend. Here at Animal Tricksters our animals are raised to perform any kind of prank imaginable.”
“What animal would you recommend?”
“What kind of prank do you have in mind?”
Later that day after Luke and Jesse got back from town with the new tractor supplies, Bo ran outside and climbed in the General and yelled to Jesse to let him know that he had to go to town to get something. Jesse said it was alright. Bo took off down the road and headed into town.
‘Boy cousin, you sure will be sorry you ever messed with Beauregard James Duke.’ Bo thought to himself as he drove down the road.
About an hour later Bo got back to the farm and snuck around to the back of the house where his and Luke’s bedroom window was. Making sure no one saw him, he snuck in the window and lifted up the cage he had been carrying. He hid it under his bed and snuck back out the window and back to the General to get the second cage that he had. Doing the same thing as before, he made it into the house without being noticed. Bo made sure the bedroom door was locked and the window shut.
He took the first cage out from under his bed and sat it on his dresser. He looked inside and saw that what was in it was looking back at him. Bo opened the cage door and backed up. He called the anima that was inside the cage. It slowly started to come out. What came out of the cage would make even the most absent minded person get as far away as they could. Out from the cage walked a black and white stripped skunk.
“Boy Luke is sure going to stink at everything for awhile after this.” Bo said to himself. Bo instructed the skunk to hide under his bed until he was ready to put his plan into full motion. Bo sat the second cage on top of the dresser next to the first one. He looked inside and saw a masked face staring back at him. He opened the door, and out waddled a very large raccoon. He instructed the raccoon to go under his bed as well and wait for his mark. Bo would begin to put his plan into motion after dinner while everyone else was cleaning up the dinner table. He couldn’t help but smile when he imagined Luke’s face when he gets a taste of his own medicine.
Later that night, after dinner was over, Bo excused himself and went into his bedroom. He got the skunk out from under his bed and climbed out the window with it. He ran into the woods just outside the barn so that the smell wouldn’t stick to the barn. Once the skunk was ready, Bo ran back to the house and climbed in through the window. Luke came in about ten minutes later and noticed that Bo seemed unusually happy for this time of night.
Normally Bo was half asleep when Luke came in to go to bed and he thought that this was weird.
“Why are you so happy for cousin? Normally you’re almost asleep.”
Luke asked having no idea of what was about to happen. Bo looked at his cousin with an amused grin on his face.
“Oh nothin’. Just thinkin’ about what happened in town today.” Bo lied.
“What happened in town that’s got you so wound up?”
“Oh just Boss Hogg and Rosco making jackasses out of themselves again. Only this time they did an exceptional job.”
“Okay…. Well I’m surprised. I didn’t think that Boss and Rosco could get any more stranger. Well I guess they can.” Just as Luke finished talking, a large raccoon came out of the closet running out of the room with a pair of Luke’s clean boxer shorts. Luke saw the raccoon and started running after it while Bo sat on his bed laughing his head off. He decided to get up and go watch his plan unfold. Luke chased the raccoon outside and into the woods. Bo was following close behind. Jesse and Daisy came out of their rooms to see what the all the ruckus was about. Neither one had any idea of what was about to happen.
Meanwhile while the raccoon was running away with Luke’s bower shorts, Luke was chasing the raccoon, while Bo was chasing Luke. All the while getting closer to the next part of the plan. Luke was finally catching up to the raccoon. But just as Luke was about to jump it, the raccoon ran up a tree and Luke fell flat on his face. Bo couldn’t help but laugh at his cousin. When Luke sat up, he had a mouthful of leaves and twigs. He spit them out and turned to see Bo standing there laughing his head off. Just as Luke took a step closer to Bo, Bo whistled and a fat black and white skunk came out of a burrow it had been hiding in. Luke saw it at immediately froze. Unknown to both Bo and Luke, something had been watching the whole scene from up in the trees. Just as the skunk was standing on its front feet getting ready to skunk Luke, something fell out of the tree and landed in Bo’s hair.
Bo screamed at the sudden surprise and started running around trying to get what ever it was out of his hair. Bo didn’t realize that he had stepped in the path of the skunk. What ever it was jumped out of his hair just as the skunk sprayed both Bo and Luke. Both boys screamed at the sudden surprise and at the nasty odor. Bo looked up in the trees and saw the culprit. That same squirrel that was in cahoots with Luke and done it again.
Bo was so mad that he ran back to the farm and got his bow and arrows. He ran back to the same spot that Luke was frozen in. Bo got an arrow ready and aimed the best he could in the dark. The arrow flew through the air and stuck in the tree. The squirrel climbed higher and eventually disappeared in the darkness. Bo was cursing at the top of his lungs saying thing that would make every Duke that had passed on roll in their graves.
Luke stood there still frozen from not only the smell of the skunk, but also from the sudden outburst of words from his cousin. Bo stormed back to the farm knowing that he would be forced to sleep in the barn along with Luke until the smell was gone. He also knew that he and Luke would have to get a tomato juice bath in the morning and that they would get their hides tanned afterwards. Luke followed after his cousin who was still ranting and raving. Luke also knew that they would both get their hides tanned in the morning.
But Bo would get it worse since he was the one who planned the whole thing. It was then that Luke realized how mad he was at his cousin. He took off running after Bo intent on giving him a piece of his mind.
Back at the farm, Jesse and Daisy had been sitting on the porch waiting for Bo and Luke to get back. Jesse suddenly got a whiff of skunk, then caught sight of Bo come out of the woods the smell instantly growing stronger. He made his way to the barn and put his arrows and bow away. He then went back out and sat under the old oak not even having noticed his uncle or Daisy on the porch.
Luke came out a few minutes later and the smell grew even stronger. Jesse then realized why the smell of skunk got so strong when his nephews came out of the woods. It was them that smelled like skunk. He decided to let them be to let the smell settle down some. Tomorrow he would have a good talking to with them and then give them a good long tomato juice bath, then he was going to ask them how they got skunked. Luke never even spoke a word to Bo the rest of the night. Neither boy got any sleep due to the stink coming off of both of them.
The next day Jesse got up extra early to get the boy’s tomato juice bath ready. Luke was the first one to get the treatment. Luke had never been so humiliated in his whole life. His face was almost as red as the tomato juice he was bathing in. Bo couldn’t help but laugh at his cousin as Jesse dumped a large bucket of juice on Luke’s head and start to scrub his hair. Luke was then told to sit in the tub until Jesse came back out. Luke noticed Bo was laughing at him. He passed his youngest cousin an evil glair that didn’t even seem to faze him.
“Hey cousin, I wouldn’t be laughing if’n I was you. Your gonna be next. Then afterwards your mine.” Luke warned. Bo still didn’t seem to be fazed. He just continued to sit under the old oak laughing at his cousin. Jesse came back out about an hour later.
By that time despite the high temperature Luke was shivering a little from the cold juice he was forced to sit in. Jesse had a towel in his left hand and another bucket in his right hand that was filled with some kind of liquid. Luke could only guess what it was. Jesse walked over to his nephew and gave him the towel to wrap around himself while Jesse cleaned out the tub. Once that was done, Luke was ordered to stand still while Jesse dumped the contents of the bucket on Luke’s body. Luke screamed a bit when the freezing cold liquid made contact with his bare skin. Luke stood there in the yard with the towel still wrapped around his waist. He started shivering more when a light wind came in from the north. Bo couldn’t help but laugh at his cousin. He jumped slightly when Jesse yelled for him to get ready for his ‘bath’. Bo hesitantly got ready and did the same thing that Luke had done. Jesse then repeated the same treatment that he had used on Luke. Luke saw this as his chance to laugh at Bo.
Luke started laughing uncontrollably when Bo gave a loud cry of surprise when Jesse dumped the cold tomato juice on his head turning his blond hair beet red. Jesse heard Luke laughing but decided not to do anything about it. He figured it would teach them both a lesson. After a couple of hours later Bo was finally done. It took longer for him since he got the worst of the skunk spray. After both boys were completely dressed again in clean skunk free clothes, Luke saw that as his chance to get back at Bo for getting him skunked. But not before Jesse demanded an explanation.
Bo told his side of the story of how he borrowed a skunk and raccoon from some place Jesse had never heard of before. Then it was Luke’s turn to explain. He didn’t bother telling Jesse about the squirrel incidents since he already knew about them. Jesse decided that he was going to take the switch to both boys for one Luke having a squirrel torment Bo and two for Bo causing the both of them to get skunked. They both were lead to the barn where they got ten switches each. After they were done, Jesse went inside to get cleaned up himself.
When Bo and Luke were certain that Jesse was gone, they started chasing each other around the farm yelling at the top of their lungs. Neither of them caught the other so they just kept running until they were both exhausted.
They then started laughing at each other. Not out of anger but mostly out of having humiliated the other. They made up and went inside together once again the best of friends. They never had a major fight like that again. Luke fired the squirrel after he saw it again. The squirrel didn’t take it too well and threw several acorns at Luke’s head. Luke ignored the acorns being thrown at his head as he headed back to the farm. Bo threatened to sue the company that he ‘borrowed’ the skunk and raccoon from, unless they gave him a full refund. Of course Bo got his money back and both boys learned their lessons. Things returned back to what passes for normal in Hazzard.