Dukes Meet the Bandit

by: Mike Stevens

 

CHARACTER SKETCH:

            Paul and David Duke are cousins, the children of Bo and Luke. They drive a 1973 Ford Mustang Mach 1. This story tells how they came to get the car, and how they began it’s career as a Hazzard County legend.

            Rosco is retired, and Boss Hogg has died of a heart attack. Uncle Jesse lives at the old farm still, along with Bo and his family. Luke married Amy Creevy from the episode “Luke’s Love Story” and they have on child, Paul. Bo married Jill Dobson from the episode “One Armed Bandits” and they have two children, David and Bo Junior. Little Bo is only 7 months old. Daisy is married to Enos and they have 2 kids, Jesse James “JJ” Strait, and Lauren, who is only 2 years old. Hughie Hogg is the new Boss of Hazzard as we enter the year 1990, when Paul and David turn 16. And the Bandit is coming to town.

 

“Yeeehaaaww” Davey Duke yelled as he swung the General Lee down the dirt road to the Hazzard County DMV to get his license. His father Bo Duke, Sr. was riding in the passenger seat. They were coming up to the old Jacksonville Road bridge, and Bo saw that It was out. Dave didn’t even slow down as he slammed the pedal down harder and jumped the creek easily. The General landed on the other side and sped off towards town.

Soon, Dave stopped in front of the Hazzard County DMV. Hughie Hogg, county commissioner, was walking out the front door and tipped his white cowboy hat as he walked out.

“Good day, Mr. Duke, David” Hughie said as he walked out.

“Howdy, Mr. Hogg, fine day, isn’t it” asked Bo.

“Most certainly, Mr. Duke” Hughie said, and then he got into Boss Hogg’s old Cadillac limo and the driver drove away.

Mortimer Palmer was a DMV tester for Hazzard County. He had to climb in through the window of the General Lee to get in for Dave Duke’s driving exam. Dave grinned at him and peeled out of the parking lot.

“Ya think we can have a little fun, Mr. Palmer?” Dave asked as he roared down River Road in Hazzard.

“Just don’t do anything stupid son, or I’m gonna have ta fail ya” Mortimer replied. Dave grinned and gunned the General Lee down the road, running parallel to the Hazzard River. He swung a right onto Old Mill Road and went past the Duke farm, and then turned again on the main road leading into Hazzard. It wasn’t long before they got there. Dave parked in a spot not too far from the DMV building’s door, and Mortimer climbed out. He handed Dave his license and walked into the DMV, and Dave drove off back to the farm, to see how Paul did with another of the instructors.

 

Dave and Paulie Duke drove into the driveway at the old Duke farm on Mill Road. They were driving the General Lee, entrusted to them for the day by their fathers. They walked into the old farmhouse and sat down at the kitchen table, and pretty soon the whole family was sitting there.

“Boys, seems to me like in this modern day and age, you guys need a car of your own. Bo, Luke.” Uncle Jesse nodded at them. Bo, Luke, Paulie, and Dave all climbed into the General Lee and headed for the Hazzard County Junkyard. Once they got there, they began searching for a car for Paul and Dave. They went down several aisles of junked cars, until both Paul and Dave hollered for the boys to stop. They got out and saw it, the 1973 Ford Mustang Mach 1. The popped the hood and saw that the engine was only a shell. They would have to rebuild it. The axles were intact, as were the doors, and the trunk door. The windows were cracked, and the tires were missing. The boys got on the CB and called J.J. Davenport, Cooter’s nephew. Before they knew it, a flatbed wrecker was out at the junkyard hauling the Mustang back to Hazzard. Cooter and J.J. took a look at it, and told the boys that they could leave it parked in the back of the garage and work on it there. They pushed and pulled it on rolling blocks to the back corner of the garage, where Paul and Dave could work on it when they wanted to. They all headed out to the Boar’s Nest for sodas and beers to celebrate the boys finding their own car.

 

The next day, Paul and Dave were at the garage, ordering the parts they would need for this old muscle car.

“Once the parts get here, we can make this our dream car.” Paul said to Dave.

“Sure thing cousin, I think we should add more sheet metal to the doors, hood, and trunk lid, and also make this hood real stylish. let’s paint it yellow.” Dave suggested.

“Yeah, with a black stripe down the middle of the hood,” Paul replied. He pulled out some yellow paint and some black paint and set it on the table.

“This is gonna look good, cuz.” Dave said, thinking about the car. “Maybe tomorrow the parts will come, since I ordered them overnighted to the Hazzard Post Office.”

Sure enough, they had the parts the next day. They pulled out the new carburetor and J.J. headed of to the corner of the garage to work on it and all the parts that would be attached to it.

“Hey, Paulie, look at this blower. We could stick this out of the hood, and the car would look real stylish!” Dave said.

“Sure, and I’ll go work on these here belts and fans, and Cooter is gonna do the radiator.” Paul replied.

“Ok, let’s get this engine done, cuz.” The engine was soon complete, and Cooter used his new lifting crane mounted to the ceiling of the garage to lower the engine into place. They spent the rest of the afternoon attaching wires and fuses, tubes and hoses. Before long, the engine looked beautiful. The next day, they put in the new windshields, and attached the new axles and tires. They were off road tires, so they could go anywhere they wanted.

“Let’s finish adding all these extras they threw in, and hopefully we can be driving it next week.” Paul said.

 

A week later, the car was complete. Paul watched as Dave opened the door and sat down in the leather interior, and put the key in the ignition. He turned it over and the car hummed to life. He revved the engine and the noise was deafening.

“Whoooooeeey!!! Cuz, we sure did good. Thanks, J.J, Cooter, Dad, Uncle Bo, for all yer help” Paul said.

“You bet, let’s go” Dave said. Paul ran around to the passenger side and they drove out of the garage, and around Hazzard to test out the car.

“This sure is fun, cuz” Paul said as they roared along the main highway in Hazzard county.

“Sure is, hey look over there” Dave said. Paul looked, and saw the Kenworth W900 semi truck sitting along the side of the road. It was black, and had a box trailer hitched to it, with a huge mural on the side of a masked Bandit robbing a western stagecoach.

“I wonder who would paint their truck like that?” Dave said. He pulled up next to it and let Paul out to look at it. The driver was under the hood, working on the engine.

“Need some help, stranger?” Paul called up.

“Sure son, name’s  Cledus Snow, but you can call me the Snowman.” The truck driver said. The boys nodded and got up near the engine. Once they began to look at it, they realized that the truck had blown a gasket. They got on the CB and called for a mechanic.

“How bout ya Jumpin J.J. or Crazy Cooter, y’all got yer ears on?? Dave said on the CB.

“You got yerself ol Crazy Cooter on this end boys, whatcha need?” Cooter said.

“We found us a trucker out here on the J.D. Hogg Highway, do ya think y’all could get a set of tools out here and replace a blown gasket, come back.”

“Ain’t no problem boys, I’ll see y’all in about 10 minutes.” Cooter said. Cooter arrived about 10 minutes later and had the truck repaired in about 30 minutes. They talked the Snowman into coming to the Boar’s Nest for a meal, and he got into his rig and drove to the Boar’s nest.

“Hey Bandit, ya gotcher ears on?” the Snowman asked.

“Ya got the Bandit son, what can I do for ya?”

“Turn off in about a mile, head straight to a place called the Boar’s Nest.”

“10/4” Bandit replied.

 

The boys were sitting down to eat with the Bandit and Snowman when Hughie Hogg walked in.

“Howdy boys, how y’all doin?” Hughie asked.

“Just fine, Mr. Hogg. This here’s Cledus Snow, and this is Bo Darville. They are here for dinner and then hopefully they’ll be on their way.” Dave said. Paul nodded and said “Yeah, they’re truckers, passing through.”

“Well, y’all enjoy yer stay here at my little establishment, and I hope you guys get a good run in, and stop in next time you pass through Hazzard.” Hughie replied. He walked out of the Boar’s Nest and drove off.

“Who is that again?” bandit asked.

“That’s Hughie Hogg, nephew of the deceased J.D. Hogg. Ol Boss tried to frame Dad and Uncle Luke all the time, but reconciled with them in the end when they found out that he had had a heart attack.” Dave replied

“Oh, well, Snowman, we had better get going.” Bandit said

“Ok, let me get something for Fred real quick though.”

“Who’s Fred?” Paul asked.

“A big ol lazy basset hound, that’s who he is.” Snowman replied.

“Ok, well, se y’all next time you pass through.” Paul said. The Bandit and Snowman drove off.

 

The Snowman had not gone two miles when his truck stopped. He was passing through the Hazzard town square to get onto the highway and his truck just started smoking and stopped. Cledus got out and looked under the hood, and it was a royal mess. He climbed up into the cab and called Bandit.

“Bandit, son, we got us a heap a trouble back here, come back.”

“What’s the problem?” Bandit asked.

“This here engine’s a mess, we’re not going anywhere with out an overhaul on this old truck, much less to Atlanta.”

“Ok, I’ll call that Cooter guy that them Dukes introduced us to.” Bandit said.

“10/4”

“Crazy Cooter, ya out there son, come back.” Bandit said.

“Ol Crazy Cooter here, whatcha need stranger?” He asked.

“This here’s Bandit Darville, you remember me from the Boar’s Nest?”

“Oh yeah, what can I do for ya?”

“Ol Snowman got his truck’s engine in a mess, do you think you could do the repair work on it?”

“Sure, but J.J. knows more about fixin them big rigs that I do.”

“Ok, we just want it fixed.”

“Not a problem, good buddy, I’ll be knocking on your back door here in a few minutes.” Cooter said. he called J.J. and agreed to meet him at the garage. When Cooter got there, He saw that the Snowman had unhooked the rig’s trailer and parked it on the curb. Cooter hooked up his large tow truck and pulled the semi into the garage.

“Looks like y’all radiator blew up for some reason. I’ll have ta order y’all a new one, so ya’ll will be here a couple days or so. You got that Trans Am, head on out to the Duke farm on Old Mill Road, them boys can help you out my tellin you how to enter the annual Hazzard Derby. The race is tomorrow, but the entry deadline is today. Good luck.” Cooter said.

 

Bandit and Snowman went to the old Duke farm, where Uncle Jesse, Bo, his wife Jill, Dave, and little Bo Jr. lived.

“What can we do for you, Mr. Darville?” Jesse asked as bandit pulled in.

“Call me Bandit, sir. I’m looking for Bo and Dave, so that we might get some help entering the Hazzard Derby tomorrow.”

“Well, I can help you with that, Bandit.” Bo said as he walked up behind him.

“Thanks, let’s get going.” Before Bandit knew it, they had driven to Hazzard and entered in the Derby.

 

The Hazzard derby started the next day. The Mustang that Paul and Dave had fixed up was entered, and they had decided to call it “Thunderbolt”. Bandit was there in his Trans Am, and Amy Duke, Luke’s wife, was there in her car, Lucifer. A couple of locals had entered, and Hughie was running the “Double Zero”, Boss Hogg’s old racer. Daisy Duke was starting the race. She stood up with her flag and waved it down, and the race was on.

 

Bandit was running in third, behind the Thunderbolt and Double Zero. Behind him was Lucifer and the two locals. He saw the turn and turned with the rest of the field, and saw Thunderbolt shoot past Double Zero. Double Zero had smoke coming from under the hood, and Hughie pulled over to the side of the road. Bandit moved into second. He saw Amy trying to pass him, and he swerved to fend her off. Meanwhile, Thunderbolt was opening a 5 car lead on him. The car’s Mach 1 engine was doing what it was supposed to do. Lucifer Came alongside Bandit, and then he got back in front as they rounded another turn. Bandit was spending all of his time fending off Amy in Lucifer, he was losing the race for the lead. Then he realized it. Amy wanted the boys to win! He fell back and let her pass him.

Amy Duke was running Lucifer up to Thunderbolt. She got right behind the boys and stayed there. She swerved, as if to pass them, and they blocked her. The roads so far had all been curvy and uneven. She swung around the last turn alongside Thunderbolt.

“Aunt Amy’s trying to beat us! Not if I can help it!” Dave said to Paul, and he gunned the engine down the blacktop road. Thunderbolt began to put Amy behind them, and then even farther behind. Then he remembered that the engine in this car was a Mach 1 engine. He roared across the jump that finished the race and landed perfectly. Bandit jumped over in second, he was good at road racing. Amy jumped third, and then one of the locals, followed by the limping Double Zero, and the last local. They all parked and had their picture taken as the 1990 Hazzard County Derby race contestants. They all congratulated each other on a great race, and then Dave and Paul were presented with their prize money.

 

Two days after the derby, Bandit and Snowman were ready to go. They waved goodbye as the big rig roared down the highway. Dave turned to Paul and said “Let’s go for a drive!” And both boys got into Thunderbolt and raced off down the road.

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