Film Hazards – The Beginning

by: Susan

The Beginning – Pt 1.

 

// The boys had just finished up some fencing chores, down near where the film people were set up and they was headed back to the pickup, past a stand of trees on the edge o’ the creek, when they heard somebody cussin’. Usin’ a few bad words, and quite a lot of imagination – “Son of a mangy cow-dog” bein’ one of the milder terms – but what really caught their attention was that the person doin’ the cussin’ – was a woman! //

 

Bo was the first one to speak “Am I hearing things, Cuz, or…”

“Well, if you are, then so am I. The lady sounds kind of annoyed about somethin’.”

The woman speaking had stopped at the sound of their voices, and now stepped out from the trees, revealing herself to be a small, but shapely blonde, somewhere in her twenties. Clad in jeans and a loose shirt.

“Um… I’m sorry.” The blonde flushed as she apologized “I didn’t realize anybody was here.” She had a clear voice, with a slight, unidentifiable, accent.

“Hey, that’s ok.” Bo grinned “Nothing we haven’t heard before. Heck, I’ve used a few words occasionally, myself.”

“Yeah, and I remember the first time Uncle Jesse caught you doing it, too.” Responded his cousin “You couldn’t sit down for three days.”

The young woman giggled as Bo blushed red.

Luke smiled “I’m Luke Duke and this my cousin, Bo. We were catching up on some chores, when we heard you cussin’. Can I ask what’s wrong?”

“Yeah, is there anything we can do to help?” Bo always recovered quickly, from just about anything, when faced with a pretty girl.

She grimaced “Well… Not really. I’m with the film crew, as you’ve probably realised. A couple of the guys thought it would be funny to strand me out here, when everyone went back to town. I’m Jessica, by the way” She added, almost as an afterthought. “But I’m mostly called Jess.”

“Pleased to meet you Jess.” Bo smiled

“Same here. And it’s a bit too far for you to walk back to town, too.” Luke sympathised.

“Yeah, and I haven’t got any shoes either.” She held up one small bare foot.

“Shoot! Now that ain’t funny!” Bo exchanged a look with Luke “You could get bit or somethin’, wandering around out here without any shoes on!” Both men were serious, now.

“Oh, they’ll be back. Like I said, it’s just a prank. An annoying one, but … just a prank. I guess I’ll just have to wait for them.” She sighed “I wish I didn’t. They’ll be sniggering about this all week.”

“Well, heck, why don’t you come on home with us? We don’t live far away, and you can call someone to come and get you.”

“Yeah, maybe they can bring you out some shoes, too. Daisy – our other cousin – might be able to loan you something, but I think her feet are bigger than yours.” Bo looked down.

Jess bit her lip “Well…”

“Hey.” Luke held up both hands, his eyes twinkling “We’re harmless! Really! We live with our cousin Daisy, and our Uncle Jesse, just a few minutes that way.” He nodded in the direction of the farmhouse. “This is our land you’re standing on, right now.”

“Yeah – and our Uncle Jesse’d have our hides if we left you out here all alone! You don’t want us to get into trouble, now, do you?”” Bo put on his best “Lost little boy” look, pouting slightly and ducking his head, looking at her through his eyelashes. The young woman succumbed immediately – as he’d fully expected she would.

“Alright. I’ll trust you.” she said laughing, “I don’t really have a lot of choice, do I? I mean” she added, an exaggeratedly innocent look on her face “You’re both bigger than me, after all.” Bo and Luke laughed.

“Well, come on,” Luke said “The pickup’s just over here.”

The three of them started towards the truck, and Jessica’s eyes widened as a thought struck her. “You know, those two are going to have a fit when they come back and find I’m not here.” She bit her lip, again, and giggled.

“Those two?”

“Oh, I know exactly who’s responsible for this. And when they come back looking for me, they’re not going to be able to find me.” She smiled up at Bo, an unholy gleam in her eyes. “It’s perfect!”

“Okaay…” The boys exchanged another look, as they came up to the truck. “Here we go.” Bo opened the passenger door, as Luke went round to the other side. “You want to sit in the middle? Or by the door – so’s you can get out if we try somethin’?” He teased.

She looked at him and then across at Luke and smiled “I think I’ll sit in the middle, if you don’t mind?”

“Sure. You manage?”

“I think so.” She climbed up and slid across the seat, next to Luke, making sure her knee was out of the way of the gearshift. She smiled to herself as she snugged down in her seat, sandwiched between the two much bigger, good-looking, men.

A minute or so after they’d started off, Bo spoke “Jessica?”

“Mmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“That accent. I don’t think I’ve ever heard one like it before.”

“I have.” Luke looked over from the driver’s side. “It’s Australian, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.” She smiled delightedly.

“I thought so. I did a stint in the marines, and one of the guys I served with had an accent kinda like yours.”

Jessica laughed as Bo said “Wow! You’re a ways from home!”

“Oh, not really. I mostly live over here, now, so…” She shrugged as they pulled up in front of the farmhouse.

 

Uncle Jesse was outside, and turned to watch as Bo helped Jessica down from the truck “Watch your feet now, Honey”

“Bo. Luke. Who’s your friend?”

Luke made the introductions “Uncle Jesse, this is Jessica. Jessica, this is our Uncle, Jesse Duke. We found Jessica down by the creek, where the film crew are working. Apparently a couple of the guys thought it’d be funny to go off and leave her there. Without any shoes!”

“No shoes? That’s not a good idea, down there.” he turned to the woman “I’m pleased to meet you, Miss…”

She smiled “I’m Jessica. Please. And it’s nice to meet you too, Mr Duke. Umm… Luke said I might be able to use your phone. Call someone to tell them where I am, maybe get them to bring some shoes out for me. I’ll pay for the call, of course.”

“Pah. A phone call don’t cost anything. Come on in. Luke’ll show you where it is, and then you can join us for lunch, while you’re waiting. Bo, go and tell your cousin we’ve got a guest.”

“Yes Sir.” They were on the porch by now, and Bo winked at the young woman and ducked inside, leaving Luke to hold the door and follow the other two in.

“Oh! I don’t want to intrude, Mr Duke. I can make the call and wait outside, here. It shouldn’t take long.”

“No you can’t!” Jesse turned to look at her “You’ll come and sit down and have something to eat like a civilised human being. We’ve got plenty. One more’s no trouble.” His expression softened, as he smiled “And you can call me Jesse. Most of the young ‘uns do, anyway.” he added half under his breath.

“Yes Sir – and thankyou.” She smiled and gave in graciously as they came into the kitchen and she was introduced to Daisy. The circumstances of her stranding being explained once again, by Bo, as Luke showed her the phone in the next room.

Daisy noted, as she went past, that the other woman had torn her shirt, and when she came back, she made sure to mention it.

 

“Honey, did you realise you’ve torn your shirt?” she gestured towards the other woman’s shoulder and the rip in her blouse.

Jessica craned her neck around to look “Oh, drat! No I didn’t realise. It must have happened when I took that header, earlier.”

“You took a header? Into what?”

“Oh, I got shoved in the creek.” She grinned “I’m mostly dried out, now, though. But that’s why I wasn’t wearing any shoes.” She grimaced “I took them off before I went wading – and before I got “accidently” shoved in.”

“Sugar, you can’t sit around in wet things! You’ll catch your death!”

Jessica turned back to Daisy. “Oh, it’s alright. Like I said, it’s warm out there, and I dried out pretty quick.”

“Even so.” Daisy looked at her cousins “Can one of you just keep an eye on this? It’s almost done.” At Luke’s “Sure” she turned back to the other woman.

“I’ll find you something dry. Come on. I’m a lttle taller than you, but I’m sure we can find something!”

“Oh, look, I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“It’s no trouble! You can drop it back, the next time you’re filmin’ out this way. Now, come on.”

 

  //Daisy wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer, and she led the other girl upstairs, where they sorted out a clean dress that was a little small on Daisy, and put a belt around the middle, to keep it from flopping around and to make it fit right.

  They couldn’t find any shoes – Bo had been right, Daisy’s feet were a couple of sizes larger than Jessica’s – but that didn’t matter so much, as she said somone was bringing some out for her, anyway. By the time they got back downstairs, lunch was ready, so Jessica sat down to eat with the Dukes, both boys admirin’ her ‘new look’ and flirtin’ with her, like they would any pretty girl, until she just felt right at home.

 

 

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Pt 2

A litte later, just as they were all finishing up eating, a car swung into the yard, outside. Bo got up, being nearest the door. “I’ll go. It’s probably your shoes.” he winked at the young woman he’d made sure to sit next to.

She grinned back. “Probably.”

It turned out to be another small blonde, much the same size as Jessica, and wearin’ sunglasses and a cap, with the visor pulled down low, to keep the sun off.

 “Hi.” She said as she got out of the car “I was lookin’ for the Duke Farm?”  

//Now her accent was one that Bo recognized straight away. A soft Southern drawl. Thick and slow as molasses in January.//

 

“You found it.” Bo offered his hand “I’m Bo Duke. And you’re looking for Jessica, am I right?” He nodded at the boots she held in her other hand.

The woman laughed as they shook. “Yep. That’s right! I’m Julia – and I guess these do give things away a little!”

Bo grinned and gestured towards the door. “Hey, Come on in.”

Julia pulled her glasses off as she went in, and pushed her hat back on her head. Bo followed her in and motioned toward the kitchen, calling out as they entered, “Hey Jessica! Your shoes are here!”

Jessica didn’t even turn around. She just laughed and said “Hi Julia!” adding “I can tell who it is from Luke’s reaction!”

 

//Luke had been sitting across from Jessica, who had her back to the door, so he got a good look at the newcomer as she came in. His eyes nearly popped out of his head, as he did a double take, looking at the two women, and swallowed hard in astonishment.//

 

Both women were giggling by now, Julia sobering enough to say “I brought your boots, honey.”

“Thanks!”

“You’re twins!” Luke finally found his voice

“Twins?” Bo, coming in behind her, hadn’t had a good look at the newcomer without her sunglasses on. Now, she turned and smiled up at him. His “Shoot!” making both women laugh even harder.

“Actually”, from Jessica, who had bent down and was pulling on the shoes the other woman had handed her “We’re not even related, as far as we know.”

“That’s right.” Confirmed Julia “We’re just a bit alike is all.”

A bit?” Daisy’d been watching from the other side of the table, next to Luke “Sugar, you two’re as alike as two peas in a pod!”

The two women exchanged glances “Well, it doesn’t hurt that we’re made up to look like each other.”

“Wow!”

“So you’re both actresses, then.” Luke was grinning, himself, now.

“No, not exactly. I’m an actress.” Jessica sat up

“And I’m her double. I do all the other stuff – the things that they don’t want her gettin’ into!”

Jessica stuck out her tongue and told the table at large “She’s older than me, anyway. And bigger!”

Julia just smiled smugly “Jealous Heart!”

“Now, ladies!” Jesse was chuckling, down at the end of the table. Really, it was just like having young un’s around again.

“Sorry, Mr Duke.” Jessica made introductions all around. “This is Julia McCrae.” Waving her hand at the others in turn “That was Bo who let you in. That’s his cousins, Luke and Daisy Duke, and their Uncle, Mr Jesse Duke.”

“I’m pleased to meet y’all. – But we really do have to get goin’ Jess. Everyone’s in a bit of a flap about you goin’ missin’.” Julia added to the younger woman, who just snorted.

“What’d those two do when they found out I wasn’t where they’d left me, anyway? It was Billy, wasn’t it, that was responsible? And Mitch? ”

//Julia just gave her an old-fashioned kinda look and said “Who else?”, adding that Paul – Paul Davis, apparently, their director – had wanted to speak to her about something when they got back to town, and had nearly had three fits, when he realised she wasn’t there.//

“He knew immediately who was responsible, of course, and I dunno what he said to those two, but whatever it was, it had ’em headed back out like their backsides was on fire!”

There was general laughter at that, with a “Serves them right” from Luke.

“Mmmm, they’d told everyone that she was with someone else, so no-one realised at first – and that was before we got your phone call, hon, so people were a bit worried.”

“What’d they do, when they couldn’t find me?”

“Well, I don’t know, exactly, but from the fact that they didn’t radio in until just before I left, and I’d had to go and get you somethin’ to wear, I’d say they must have spent a good ten minutes searching that little patch of ground for you.”

//This provoked more laughter, especially when they told the Dukes exactly where they’d been filmin’ – just a little bit of cleared ground, about a hundred yards square, round about the trees where the boys had found her .//

“Anyway, they called in, scared out of their wits, and Paul told them that you’d gotten a lift with some locals, so they should get back to town. Which is what we’d better be doin’ too.

” It was nice meetin’ y’all.” She added as, they both got up to leave, Jessica thanking everyone for their hospitality, and the Dukes assuring her that she was very welcome, and that she could come back any time. Daisy saying, again, that Jessica could just drop off the dress next time she was out that way, as the other women took their leave.

 

 

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Epilogue

 

   //Well, that borrowed dress came right back to Daisy the very next day, all cleaned up and pressed. An it brought a surprise with it, too – With the Dukes findin’ out just who they’d been entertainin’ the day before. //

Luke was just finishing up with some chores the next morning, when a car pulled into the yard, and a stranger got out. A casually dressed young fellow of about eighteen. “Hi.” He responded to Luke’s greeting. “I was looking for a Miss Daisy Duke.” He held up a small package in one hand.

“Sure. She’s inside. Come on in.”

Luke showed the stranger inside, trying to keep his curiosity in check, and through to the kitchen, where Daisy was just getting ready to leave for the Boar’s Nest. “Hey Daisy, you’ve got a visitor.”

“Me?” Daisy turned around.

“Miss Daisy Duke?” The young man smiled

“That’s me, Mr..?”

“I’m Ian Bradshaw, but I’m just the messenger. I was asked to drop this off to you.” His smiled widened as he handed over the packet in his hand.

“You got a secret admirer, Daisy?” Bo teased, from across the room.

“Well, it’s not me, I’m afraid. Though if I’d known how pretty you were…” Bradshaw said, gazing at her admiringly

 //’An’ you know, I can’t really say as I blame him, either. Daisy sure is pretty.//

Daisy blushed as she took the package. “Thankyou, Mr Bradshaw.”

“It’s Ian. And…” he tore his gaze away from Daisy long enough to look at his watch “You’re very welcome, but I can’t stay, I’m afraid. I hope it’s something nice, though.”

//Them film folks always seem to be in a hurry. Just can’t set down for even five minutes. If they weren’t city folks, that’d be downright rude.//

“You can’t stay for a cup of coffee?” Luke offered

“No, I’m sorry.” he took another, regretful, look at Daisy, who had stopped wrestling with the string on the package, long enough to look up. “I really do have to get back. But it was nice meeting you all. Especially you, Miss Duke.”

“It’s Daisy.” Her warm smile caused him to redden in his turn. “And thankyou very much!”

“You’re very welcome” he turned away reluctantly, still blushing, as Luke showed him back out to his car.

 

…………………………

 

Luke came back in just in time to hear Daisy ask Bo to pass her the scissors off the dresser.

//She was all excited, like a kid at Christmas – even though it was only July – and she was too impatient to mess around any longer. Fair enough, I suppose. Unexpected packages don’t come a girl’s way every day.//

  Daisy got the package open at last, and pulled out the contents. “It’s a dress!” Bo was confused. Who’d be sending his cousin a dress?

“It’s the one I loaned to Jessica yesterday.” she responded, and picked up a note from the wrapping.

 

  “Daisy,

  Thankyou so much for the loan.

  I’ve had it washed, so it’s clean.

  Thankyou,

  J.”

 

“Well, hey, that’s nice of her.” Bo smiled

“Yeah, she didn’t have to have it sent out. She could’ve just dropped it off next time she was out this way – And having it washed, too!” Daisy was touched.

“Hey, you dropped somethin’.” Luke bent and picked up a piece of paper that had fluttered to the floor. “It’s a photo.”

//And a photo, it was. Of Jessica, their guest from the day before, all gussied up and lookin’ fine.//

  Bo looked at the signature scrawled across the bottom of it “Jessica Mason.”

“Jessica Mason?” Luke looked over at his cousin. “But she’s the actress that’s starrin’ in that film they’re makin.”

 “Yeah, well, that’s what it says. An’ that’s sure her.” Bo nodded at the photo that Daisy now held. “An’ you know”, he added slowly, after a moment “She never did get around to tellin’ us her other name, yesterday.”

All three cousins looked at each other “Shoot!”

 

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Note: Yes, as most of you, I’m sure, will work out fairly quickly, this is a mild Mary Sue. Hopefully not too bad. (There’s no mushy stuff, for instance! Lol! Neither Bo nor Luke fall violently in love – or even in lust – with me. *Sad Sigh* ) I am a professional actress when I can get the work, but, yes, I have fudged on a few things. For instance: Movie location shooting is usually only the outdoor scenes. Most scenes taking place indoors would be shot back at the studio, on specially constructed sets. Not always, but a lot of the time. – Unless they’ve hired a historic house of some kind, perhaps.

Also, nobody would dare pull the kind of dangerous pranks I describe, especially on the stars. They’d be fired so quickly it’d make their heads spin!  (Unless, of course, they were one of the other stars. Who could still be fined or even suspended, if things got out of hand.)

Pranks pulled on actors by their colleagues are quite common, but they’re usually far milder / less harmful / have far less consequences than anything described here. Filming for movies or TV is a very expensive, very serious business, and the principals are well aware of it. Doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with the fics, though! *Grin*

 

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