by: Essy Jane
Howdy enthusiastic supporter, welcome back to Hazzard. Yeah, you want to know about the adventures of Bo and Luke Duke don’t ya? Well, you have come to the right place. You see, Bo and Luke are coming around the corner—now. Now who said that balladeers ain’t all seeing? Oh, what are those lights behind them? Roscoe, why is he chasing them?
Okay, I am not all seeing. I just made a good guess is all—you see, I still don’t know why he’s chasing the boys. All they did today was do chores and pick up the mail. They haven’t done anything yet that would be considered real trouble. Then again, Roscoe P Coltrane the second doesn’t always give a reason why he chases the Duke boys. It just sort of happens.
“What do you think he wants?” Luke asked his younger cousin.
“This much I know, if we don’t get out of here, we’re goanna find out, floor it Luke,” Bo said happily.
“You got it Bo.” Luke did as his cousin said. Luke looked up for a second. He could see Bo looking at himself in the mirror. “What is up with you?”
“Does this shirt make me look—well good?” Luke rolled his eyes.
“We’re in the middle of a chase and you’re worried about your shirt?”
“Well, I happen to know a certain girl who would love to go out with me.”
“Yeah but she doesn’t know it yet.” Luke shook his head and smiled.
“You’re an odd one you know that?” Bo nodded as he smiled.
“If I wasn’t odd, I wouldn’t be normal.”
“That makes as much sense as a chicken giving birth to a whale.” Now you know what’s funny about Hazzard County? No matter how much technology is made, CB radios never seem to go out of style here. Practically every car has one. It’s the easiest way to communicate. Bo picked up the one in the General Lee.
“Hey Roscoe, what’s the charge this time?” He asked.
“Whoo-jit, how dare you question a man of the law Bo Duke. Now I want y’all to pull over in alphabetical order B and L are before R,” Roscoe commented over the CB. Luke grabbed the CB out of Bo’s hand.
“VERY good Roscoe, now can you tell us the other letters of the alphabet?” Luke questioned over the CB. Bo began laughing.
“Now that’s not funny boys—pull over.”
“Yeah right Roscoe, like we would pull over for you.” Luke put the CB down.
“Does he think we’re goanna listen?” Bo asked.
“How would I know? I ain’t in Roscoe’s head,” Luke replied. He made it to Hazzard pond.
“Your wish is my command.”
“And away we go!” Luke put on the gas and sure enough made it clear across the pond. Roscoe tried the same thing and landed in it. Bo began laughing as Roscoe climbed on top of the car. Luke shook his head but couldn’t help but grin.
“He’ll be out there for a while.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Roscoe can do a lot of things but drive and swim are two things he can’t.” Luke began to laugh.
“How did you know that?”
“Boss’ wife told me.” Luke began to snicker.
“Now Luke, don’t make fun of someone else because of a problem they have.”
“He’ll have to wait for Enos to come and get him.” Luke shook his head.
“We got to get to school.”
Well sir, the boys were late for school. Luke walked into his classroom in the middle of a lesson. “Lukas Duke where have you been?” Miss March asked. Luke liked this teacher. She looked very good to him in her short skirt.
“Well ma’am, I was driving to school early for once, by two hours,” Luke began.
“Seeing as you’re late, I don’t buy it.”
“Let me finish please.” Miss March Nodded. “We forgot that we had to pick up the mail. Anyway, as we went to pick up the mail from Emma-Lee Tizdale, she asked for ID. All Bo had in his wallet was his health card.” Miss March shook her head. Luke knew she wasn’t buying it but it was the truth. His Uncle Jesse always told him to tell the truth. He took a deep breath and let it out slow.
“I dug in and grabbed mine. We got this neat package from our cousins in London. It was a ring that amazed him. We thought since we were early, we would stop by the museum. As we were heading there, Bo said he wanted to be early for a change.”
“So we drove past the museum. Well, Roscoe got up behind us and we had to loose him to get to school. We tried every trick.”
“Well, Bo and I jumped Hazzard pond.” Miss March nodded, it wasn’t uncommon to hear about the Duke Boys jumping in the General. That part of course she might have believed. However, Bo and Luke both didn’t have much luck today. “Roscoe couldn’t pull off the jump and he’s now in the pond waiting for Enos to pull him out.”
“Luke, you could have used the dog ate my homework.”
“But I’m telling…”
“It would have been more believable.”
“Now, take your seat.”
“Yes ma’am.” Well, the Dukes ain’t starting out too good are they?
Anyway, at lunch time, Bo and Luke met as they always did. They sat together at a table looking at the brown lunch bags they carried. Bo was sour because he got double detention. The first one was for being late. Bo was a lot of things but he was usually reasonably on time. Today, they were really late.
Bo got his second set of detention for sleeping in class. Now Bo wasn’t very good at keeping the attention on the teacher. Most of the teachers Bo had were slow and boring. Bo always said that they should make a club…the monotone club. Luke always had a good laugh with that one.
At any rate, Bo felt pretty rotten today. He even kicked a good thing in the mouth, his bagged lunch. Uncle Jesse always made their lunches with so much care. He put love into each thing he put in. Bo always felt bad when his Uncle did things for him. He figured he could do them himself.
“I don’t see why Uncle Jesse can’t just give us money. He wouldn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn and make us anything,” Bo grumbled.
“Well Bo, these are Hazzard terms and in Hazzard they bag lunches,” Luke answered him.
“Yeah sure, cut the act Luke and look around you. Everyone has a bagged lunch.” Luke sighed.
“Oh well, Uncle Jesse must love us or he wouldn’t do that for us.” Bo crocked an eyebrow.
“Just yesterday you were staring at the meat loaf.”
“So? Uncle Jesse made it for us for dinner.”
“Okay, what’s wrong with you? The Luke I know would want that meatloaf a second.” Luke sighed. Bo unwrapped his sandwich and took a big bite. “Come on Luke, tell old cousin Bo all about your troubles.” He took a bit of his sandwich. He seemed to be savoring it.
“Miss March.” Bo pushed Luke’s lunch bag closer to him. Luke sighed and opened it up, grabbing his sandwich which was totally different from Bo’s. He had to smile.
“What about her? Is it her legs or silky lips that are bugging you?” Luke elbowed his cousin hard. “OWE! Sorry, geeze, you didn’t have to do that.”
“Bo, she didn’t believe me and she made me stay for detention.” Bo began to laugh hard. “What is so dang funny?” Luke commented, with his mouth half full.
“You stay everyday anyway. What makes you so worried about it now?” Bo took a rather large bite, finishing off the sandwich. He took out his apple and a juice box. Bo seemed to suck the thing dry in a matter of seconds. Luke sipped on his slowly.
“I’m not the one in detention normally, you are.”
“So, your detention doesn’t usually end up on my permanent record.”
“You actually believe in those things?” Luke’s head popped up, his straw came with it. Bo giggled softly. Luke put the straw back into the juice box.
“What do you mean?”
“There’s no such thing, they use that to scare you.” Bo took another bite of his apple. “Unless you get a performance warning.”
“What’s that?” Bo stuck his cousin’s apple in his mouth. Luke shook his head, biting down on the apple and then pulling it out.”
“Oh, that stays with you the rest of your life.”
“Can you get one for detention?”
“Oh Luke, quit thinking like that. So negative, you think every thing is goanna turn out wrong.” The bell rang. Bo and Luke both sighed. Bo picked up the garbage, combining both Luke’s and himself.
“I’m just worried that’s all.”
“Luke, the bell just rang, get up.”
“Right.” Bo threw the garbage out. He smiled at his cousin as he saw a pretty girl. His eyebrows went up. Luke snapped his fingers and Bo came out of it in an instant.
“Whelp, another day, another class to sleep through, I’ll see ya later.”
“Why do you sleep through class?” Bo rubbed his chin with his index finger and his thumb. He looked up, snapping his fingers.
“Duh, they’re boring.”
“How do you get the marks you get?” Bo had a half smile rolled across his face, the signature characteristic of when he was thinking.
“If I knew that I would be a genius.”
“Have you ever stayed awake in a class?”
“Do you think you ever will?” Bo shrugged and walked away. Luke couldn’t believe how much his cousin got away with. He seemed to be treated harder than any student there. He was extremely hard working and always got straight A’s—Bo got the same marks and still was treated better. This is a total phenomenon in the mind, huh? Oh well.
Bo and Luke walked out of detention and looked out the door. “Now that wasn’t so bad was it?” Bo asked.
“Yeah right, for you maybe. I was bored to tears—one thing bugs me, how did you convince the teacher to let you go out and get a soda?” Luke replied. Bo began to laugh.
“Now that my friend is a secret.”
“Did you bribe him with Uncle Jesse’s meatloaf?” Bo nodded. “You are one sneaky little thing.”
There was Roscoe standing at the front door, waiting for the Dukes to come out. Bo and Luke had no idea that he was there. They were still getting their stuff out of their lockers. One of the kids threw a football to Luke and he threw it back. Luke had a pretty good arm in football. When they were in California, Luke was always being compared to Vance. Vance had a way better arm than Luke.
Bo finally held his locker just enough to close it. Now that Bo has the messiest locker I have ever seen. It looks like a tornado hit it. Young Bo was good at making messes. He always told Luke that he had to clean up his room at home and that he wanted one place to be messy, his locker. Luke would tell him in return that a clean locker means you can find everything. I am not disputing.
As Bo and Luke finally made their way to the door, they noticed Roscoe. Bo shook his head softly. Luke pulled his right hand down his face. “Man, they must have a good mechanic in Hazzard,” Bo mumbled.
“How would we know, we’ve never met him,” Luke mumbled back.
“How are we going to get passed Roscoe?”
“I don’t know.”
“I do.” Bo began to walk away from his cousin. He turned around. “Well are you coming or not?” Luke rolled his eyes as he began to walk towards his cousin. “That’s it, one foot in front of the other.”
“I’ll club you.”
“No you won’t.” Luke growled. Bo took Luke to the janitor’s closet.
“What are you doing?”
“Oh come on, don’t tell me you have never made out in the janitor’s closet.” Luke’s eyes shifted. His eyebrows suddenly rose. “Okay—obviously you haven’t. Well, let me tell you, it is a good place.”
“What are we doing here?”
“If you had ever made out in here you would know.” Bo grabbed a key from his pocket and put it in the door, he turned it and opened it.
“Where the heck did you get a key from?”
“Let’s just say an eye for an eye.” Luke shook his head.
“Come on tell me.”
“I caught the janitor sleeping here. Now he lets me do whatever I want.”
“You could get away with murder you know that?” Bo laughed as Luke shook his head.
“Probably could get away with it, cousin.” Bo walked in the back and pointed to a metal ladder connected to the roof.
“This is your master plan?”
“Yeah this is my plan, unless you have a better one, Luke.”
“Why should I come up with all the plans?”
“Come on, just think about it for a minute.”
“That’s my Luke Duke. You think hard.”
“Be quiet for a minute.”
“Being quiet, sir.” Bo saluted Luke. Luke couldn’t help but laugh. Bo was always pulling things like this and Luke always seemed to let Bo get away with it. Luke thought for a minute and shrugged. “Start climbing.”
“Yeah, okay but don’t think this is a good idea.” Luke climbed up followed by Bo. They both got to the top. As they looked around, they found the ladder leading down to the ground was taken off for repairs. “What’s your plan now genius?”
“Umm…” Bo looked down and saw the gymnasts practicing outside. They had a large trampoline outside. Bo smiled as he pointed down. “There.” Luke shook his head.
“Bo, you’re plain old lucky that’s what you are.”
“I was born that way.”
“After you cousin.”
“Thanks Luke.” Bo jumped off the roof and bounced on the trampoline for a minute. He took one more jump, did a back flip and landed on his feet.
“Show off,” Luke mumbled from above. He jumped off the roof and jumped for a little bit and climbed off.
“Why didn’t you try any tricks?”
“Because unlike you, I think Roscoe will find us. We can’t live out all our days on luck.”
“I beg to differ.” Thank goodness the student parking lot was on the side that Roscoe was not. As they drove to the front, Luke sounded the Dixie horn. Roscoe waved his fist a few times and got into the police car. He began to chase the boys once again.
“He just can’t leave us alone today Bo.”
“No kidding Luke.” Bo and Luke seemed to be better with the country than they used to be. They hid under a bridge while Roscoe sped past them. “Something’s going on…I think he thinks that we did something.”
“I think you’re right cousin.” Luke tried to start the General. He wouldn’t start. “What’s wrong with him?” Luke tried repeatedly. Finally he started.
“We better get him checked in a car hospital.”
“Meet the mechanics?”
“Yep, you’ve got it.”
Sure enough, Bo and Luke headed to the garage. They drove the General right inside, not taking any chances. The two mechanics were startled by this. “That’s some mighty good driving. If I didn’t know any better I would say that y’all were Dukes,” One of them said.
“By the look of their car Dodger, I would say they are Dukes,” the other replied. The first one looked at them.
“They do look familiar, Cooter.” Dodger and Cooter both had brown hair that stuck out of hats. Only Dodger had a go-tee with a backwards hat. Cooter was full of stubble with his hat facing the normal way.
“Cooter and Dodger?” Bo questioned.
“Who were your parents, hippies?” Luke asked.
“Cooter is after my third cousin Cooter Davenport and my brother here is named after a baseball team my Daddy loved,” Cooter growled.
“Wait a minute, did you just say Davenport?” Bo questioned.
“You got it partner,” Dodger replied.
“Did y’all live up in Montana?”
“Your Dad was Farley?”
“Yeah that’s right.”
“It’s me Bo.” Dodger stared at Bo for a minute and laughed hard. He punched Bo in the arm playfully.
“Dang boy, you’re huge. When I saw you last you were four years old.”
“Ten years does a lot to a person.”
“Little Lukey Duke?”
“The very same Dodge…hey, can you help us? Our General Lee is having a hiccup.”
“Yeah no problem.”
“Question number two…can you make it quick? Roscoe’s after us.”
“Why should we help a couple of fugitives? Just because we know ya doesn’t mean we should help ya,” Cooter pointed out.
“Look, we don’t know what we did but we do need help,” Luke replied.
“Oh come on Cooter, you’re crazy,” Dodger commented.
“I am no Crazy Cooter—hey, I like that,” Cooter answered his brother.
“You like what?”
“Crazy Cooter, that would be the ultimate CB handle.” Dodger rolled his eyes. He clipped his brother in the back of the head.
“I don’t think so brother. I have done a lot of crazy things but I ain’t dumb.”
“So you’re saying you might be crazy but you ain’t dumb?”
“Yep, Crazy Cooter comin’ at ya.”
“Are we goanna help them or not?”
“Yeah…we’ll help them.” Bo let out a yahoo. Luke shook his head.
“Thank you so much,” Luke said.
“You got it Lukas Dukas.”
“Don’t all me that.”
“Okay Lukas Dukas.” Bo began to laugh.
“What are you laughing at Beauregard?”
“Don’t call me by that horrible name, Lukas. I don’t even know why Mama named me that,” Bo replied.
“After Granddaddy of course, duh, I’m surprised you didn’t know that yourself.” Bo crocked an eyebrow.
“Of course I knew that! Granddaddy doesn’t like his name either.” Luke began to laugh as he shook his head. “Well he doesn’t.”
“Yeah I know.” Anyway, y’all know where this conversation is heading. Bo and Luke could be at this one for hours. Stay calm y’all, General will be done soon.
At the courthouse, Boss Hogg was shaking his head. “The crown jewels come to Hazzard County and they get stolen. I ought to make your hound dog sheriff—she would do a better job,” Boss Hogg yelled.
“Well Boss, I didn’t know what to do, them Duke boys drove passed just before Emery Potter walked out screaming that the jewels had been stolen,” Roscoe replied.
“CHASE THEM DOWN!”
“I tried Boss but you see mmm—mmm well they put me in the pond.”
“Yeah I know that, I paid for it, remember pee brain?” Roscoe smiled pinching Boss Hogg’s cheeks.
“Oh fat buddy I really appreciate that.”
“Ack! Quit pinching my cheeks you dough head.” Boss Hogg growled. “Look if you don’t know how to be a sheriff maybe I’ll find you some other job. How does cleaning the sewers sound?” Roscoe’s eyes widened.
“Ah, I’ll try Boss, really I will.” Well, now we know why Roscoe keeps chasing the Dukes. Now when will the boys figure it out?
Over in the post office, Jesse walked in to buy some stamps. Jesse watched as she put the mail away. She was wearing a skirt to her knees. Now Daisy Duke Senior had the best legs in the county but those Tizdale’s seemed to tie with her every time. Jesse was raised old fashioned, he tried to turn from it.
As Emma-Lee turned around, she gazed into Jesse’s eyes. “Why hello there handsome, you do know that your boys already picked up the mail don’t you?” Emma commented. Jesse blushed.
“Now Miss Emma, I know what you’re up to. You’re trying to woo me,” Jesse replied.
“Now Jesse, what do you mean by that?” Emma flipped her hair, rolling it from shoulder to shoulder.
“Well…you see Emma…”
“Ah, you don’t have to explain.”
“Of course not.” Emma tapped his nose. Jesse pulled away. Emma pushed her rimless glasses up and winked. “Now what can I do for you?”
“I’d like some pants—I mean stamps.” Jesse shook his head as Emma-Lee laughed. “I am out of stamps you see—heh, um not pants.”
“Most people use email nowadays.”
“Ah, you can’t send packages through the internet.”
“You have a point. I’ll pick out the best stamps I have. While you’re waiting, you can look through the list of most wanted. I know your boys are better lawmen than the law.”
“Not a bad idea, my boys did say that Hazzard has been a little slow lately.”
“Only for the past week. You and your boys are amazing young men.”
“Anytime Jesse, now you be patient alright?”
“I am always patient for you Emma.”
“That’s good because I need a good old patient man around Hazzard.” Jesse blushed.
“Well thank you Emma.”
“You’re welcome Jesse.”
“That was really kind.” Jesse looked at the wall. Emma looked up at the one poster she knew Jesse would come across:
BEAUREGARD DUKE LUKAS DUKE
CHARGE OF GRAND THEFT JEWELERY
THE ROYAL CROWNED JEWELS OF GREAT BRITIAN HAVE BEEN STOLEN. HELP US FIND THEM.
IF SEEN PLEASE REPORT TO THE SHERIFF’S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.
Jesse swallowed hard. He scratched his beard and crocked an eyebrow. Jesse shook his head softly. He couldn’t believe that his boys would ever steal anything like that. They knew better than that. Bo and Luke wouldn’t want to go back to jail. It took two FBI fellers, Sheriff Little and Uncle Jesse himself to clear up the last mess.
“When did this get up here?” He asked. Emma sighed as she pulled out stamps with love hearts all over them.
“Well Jesse, just this afternoon. Bo and Luke will be in an awful mess of trouble if you don’t find them,” She replied. Emma-Lee handed Jesse the stamps.
“Confounded woman, don’t you have any others?”
“No sir, just these ones.”
“Every time I come in for stamps you conveniently run out of all other ones but the ones with hearts.”
“Sorry Jesse.” Jesse paid Emma and walked out of the post office. He grabbed the CB off of his truck.
“This is Shepard to lost sheep—Shepard to lost sheep, do y’all have your ears on?”
“Shepard this is lost sheep one, what do you need?” Luke questioned back over the CB.
“Did you know you’re wanted for stealin’ jewelry?”
“WHAT? Ah—Shepard, this is news to us. What did we steal, come back?”
“You went big, you stole the grand jewels of Britain today.”
“And that’s why Roscoe’s been trying to catch us all day.”
“I would suppose so but I am surprised that you didn’t tell me about that.”
“Well Uncle Jesse We’re…”
“Don’t give away your 20! What if Roscoe’s monitoring?”
“Good point, where do you want to meet?”
Jesse stared at his boys. He paced back and forth. He glared at them once more, shaking his head softly. “This is horrible. I mean we get you out of the moonshine mess and now you’re here again. Stealing jewels,” Jesse commented.
“We didn’t steal anything!” Luke exclaimed. He shook his head. How could his Uncle Jesse blame him of something like that? He couldn’t believe that his own flesh and blood would pull something like that. Bo was at the same point in his thinking as well.
“Yeah, why would we? Luke and I both know that it wouldn’t get us anywhere. I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a jail cell,” Bo added.
“Besides, I think that we were set up.” Bo shook his head no. Luke stared at him for a second. I think he wondered if his cousin was crazy. “What do you mean no? How many times in history has a Hogg set a Duke up?”
“Nah, I think it was a weird fluke, how would Roscoe and Boss Hogg know that we were going to drive passed the old museum anyway?”
“You do have a point there Bo.”
“I know I do. Boss Hogg has set us up for a couple of things but it has never stuck.”
“That and Roscoe always messes it up.” Both boys began laughing.
“You boys are crazy—I mean how do you do it? Every single time I think y’all are safe another thing comes up. How do you two get into these messes?” Jesse asked.
“Well, I don’t rightfully know,” Bo replied.
“Well them fellas that did steal the jewels are at large.”
“Yeah I know.”
“They can get away Scott Free because y’all are taking the rap for something you really didn’t do.”
“Now is that justice?”
“Boss Hogg doesn’t care, as long as he has someone to blame.” Luke snapped his fingers.
“What do people do after they rob places?” Luke asked. Bo looked confused by his cousin’s statement. “Oh come on cousin, you have watched just as many if not more of those cop movies.”
“Run like mad?” Bo questioned.
“Well besides that.”
“They figure out how much their loot is,” Jesse announced.
“Exactly—so if we find them, we get the jewels.” Luke put a piece of gum into his mouth and began chewing it. “We can return them and get the jewel thief name off of our tails.”
“Luke, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Luke handed Bo a piece of gum and then Uncle Jesse. “I mean think about what you’re up against here.”
“We don’t know.”
“Exactly, you don’t know who these people are. It ain’t like going against Roscoe and Boss Hogg. You know your foe there.” Bo began blowing a bubble.
“Oh yeah, we’ll be able to handle them.” The bubble Bo was blowing got bigger and bigger.
“They could come with guns and the works.”
“Oh Uncle Jesse, we’re Dukes. We come from a long line of heroes.” Suddenly the bubble popped all over Bo’s face. He began pulling it off his eyebrows and other parts of his face. Jesse shook his head.
“You two are also really young, Bo just proved my point there.” Luke rolled his eyes. “Don’t you do that to me!”
“No, that was aimed at Bo.”
“Okay, granted, now what was I saying? Oh yeah, even Jose and I had problems when we were your age.”
“No problem Uncle Jesse. It is just a case of grabbing some jewels and running away with them. That’s child’s play. We’ll be back for supper.”
“You boys be careful.”
“Come on, careful is our middle name,” Bo mumbled.
“Yeah right, trouble is your middle name, Bo Duke,” Jesse answered his nephew. Luke began laughing. “I wouldn’t laugh Luke Duke, you’re about the same.”
“Yeah I guess I am,” Luke replied, smiling.
“Remember now, supper time comes fast.”
“Yes sir it does. Is Enos and Danny coming over again?”
“Well of course they are—Enos and Danny love my cooking.” Bo and Luke laughed. Everyone in Hazzard County loved their Uncle’s cooking. He was the best in the state. “I am making apple pie.” Bo licked his chops. Luke’s eyebrows rose.
“Okay, we’ll make it home for dinner.”
They walked over to the General and got in. Bo and Luke turned on their stereo that they had just put in the General last month. Bo began to bob his head. “SEE YA,” Bo said.
“Turn down that confounded noise. Do you wanna be caught?”
“Sorry Uncle Jesse.” Bo turned down the sound. Luke drove off. “Do you know where we’re going?”
“I know where they are. Where else could you hide that many jewels without questions asked?” Luke announced.
“Lilly-Beth’s farm that she abandoned, am I right?”
“You are on the ball cousin. Now it’s time to show them what the name Luke and Bo Duke mean in this county.”
“You mean Bo and Luke.”
“Why do you think your name goes first?”
“Because a rhyme at the end sounds better.” Luke shook his head.
“You’re one interesting person.” They approached Lilly-Beth’s farm and noticed the smoke coming out of the chimney. The boys parked the General where no one could see it. They crept up to the window, watching a man play with the jewelry. He was putting crowns on his head and the necklaces around him.
“He thinks he’s the queen,” Luke whispered.
“Well I don’t, I think we’re goanna have to show him that the queen’s not in England,” Bo whispered back. Suddenly they heard the safety come off of a gun. Bo swallowed hard.
“Oh I think he’s the king boys,” a woman said. She glared at them as Bo and Luke laughed weakly. “On your feet!” Oh yeah, they were doing well, for Dukes that is. Bo and Luke both put their hands up. She walked them into the building. “Look what I found?”
“They’re just a couple of curious kids,” The man replied.
“They were spying on us, how much more do you want? They could ruin our whole operation.”
“Fine, tie them up in the barn. We’ll waste them tomorrow.”
“Why not today?”
“Today’s Friday the thirteenth. Bad luck to kill people today—why do you think we’re not leaving Hazzard today? Something could happen.”
“Oh you and your bad luck, Logan.”
“I wouldn’t talk, Ella…wasn’t it you who wanted to hang a horse shoe? Now get rid of them, I’m playing.” Bo swallowed hard. They made their way into the barn.
“Pick up the rope pretty boy.” Bo did as the lady said. Ella pointed the gun at Luke. “Go over by the far pillar and sit down.” Luke did as she said, sitting almost directly under the window. “Tie up your cousin and make it good.”
“WHAT? You can’t expect me to…” Bo began.
“Do it or loose your cousin.” Bo sighed as he nodded.
“I’m sorry Luke.” Bo began doing the best tie job of his life.
“You must have been in cubs.”
“I know those knots just as well as you.” Bo finished tying Luke’s hands up.
“There, I tied up my own cousin. Now what do you want me to do? Administer the torture test?”
“You’re funny kid, I must admit.”
“Now, move over to the pillar beside the door. Bo did as the lady said, sitting down on the hay. Luke watched as his cousin was tied up. He couldn’t believe this happened. This was supposed to be easy.
Now here they were, about to die on Lilly-Beth’s old farm. Bo’s hands were tied well. She looked at them and smiled. After tying Luke’s and Bo’s feet up, Ella walked out of the barn. “This is all your fault,” Bo commented.
“My fault! How is this little situation my fault, Bo? You could have tied me looser—maybe I could have gotten out,” Luke answered.
“She was going to kill you if I didn’t do it right.”
“That Miss Ella was going to kill me anyway.” Bo shrugged, staring at his cousin from across the room.
“You know, I figured this might give us some time to get out of here and grab the jewels.”
“Yeah I guess you’re right but how are we goanna get out? As I said, you tie a mean knot.
“Well I think I can…” Ella suddenly walked back in. “I knew there was trouble lurking behind the corner.”
“Yeah me too…I could smell a rat.”
“A big one.”
“Nice to think of me that way, boys…a rat can be a very smart creature,” Ella laughed.
“Oh am I pretty boy?”
“You are goanna kill two minors, I would think that’s sick. You won’t get away with that either.”
“You don’t think so?”
“No I don’t!”
“Why’s that, pretty boy?”
“Oh good, now I know what to write on your tombstone. Dukes.”
“Laugh now but when it’s time, we’ll rise and…”
“Oh? You think you can beat my knots?”
“Or that brown haired prince over there can pull out of your knots.”
“That’s what I thought. I also was listening to your conversation. How pathetic, even for you, pretty boy.” She began to laugh as she held her purse closer to herself.
“You shouldn’t listen in on others conversations, it’s rude.” Luke rolled his eyes. “Well it is rude, Luke.”
“I had to find up what the famous Dukes were up to.”
“What did you learn?”
“You boys are talking to each other about how to escape this place. Well, I can fix that.”
Ella took out two hankies out of her purse. One was dark red with white plaid all over it. The other was navy blue. She walked over and gagged each of the boys. How did she gag them you ask? Well, Ella put the hanky on Bo’s tongue and tied it behind his head.
Bo tried to struggle out of his knots but Ella was right, she was good at knot tying. Yep, he wanted out of this one and I don’t blame him. Bo wanted to go home and be a kid. Play with Danny in the field. Not be tied up here waiting for his death sentence to happen.
“You’re lucky, you get to die together. How many people wish they knew when they would die?” Ella howled with laughter as she walked back out.
Bo grumbled through the hanky that was sitting on his tongue. Luke nodded, seeming to understand his cousin’s worries. After all, who really wants to die?
Bo shook his head. He truly wondered if they were going to get out of this one. I guess y’all have to hang on for that one. I can’t give you all the secrets, even if I am the balladeer.
Back at the Duke farm, there was a table itching to eat Uncle Jesse’s famous crawdad’s Bisk. Enos and Danny were sitting up at the table staring at the pot on the stove. “Where are those boys?” Jesse asked.
“Well with Roscoe and me on their tail Uncle Jesse I don’t think they’s goanna come home for dinner,” Enos mumbled. Jesse shook his head.
“Now Enos, do you think my boys would ever do such a thing?”
“Would you be willing to make a truce until after dinner if they showed up?”
“Jesse, they should have been here by now. Bo is never late for a meal,” Danny added.
“I know but they went off to do something,” Jesse replied.
“Nah, Bo’s in trouble—right along with Luke. I can feel it. Danny scratched his black hair with his long brown fingers. He shook his head. “You know, since the day I have known those two they have been getting into trouble.”
“That’s true Danny—that’s why I am so worried about them.”
“Then again, they have always gotten themselves back out.”
“I hope you’re right Danny.”
“Me too, Jesse. You know, Bo and I have been friends way too long to have him mess it up.”
“Yeah…you two have done a great job staying friends. Jesse frowned as he looked outside, the clouds had darkened and gone clear across the sky. They looked like large cotton balls, painted a dark grey.
“Ooo-wee, we’re goanna have a rainstorm tonight. I predict thunder, lightning—the whole works.” Jesse shook his head softly. “Hey, are you okay Jesse?”
“No—but we can’t let it sit any longer—let’s eat.”
“Yeah, I have a feeling they are not coming.” Danny sighed and swallowed hard.
“Can I say the blessing?”
“Lord, please watch over Bo and Luke. Help them to be able to get through their trying time. Lord, please bless this bountiful feast that you have provided us with. Amen.”
“Amen,” Everyone said.
“Now let’s eat.”
You know, Danny was right, the rain began moving and the wind began a howling. Thunder crackled through the sky. Jesse hoped that providence was looking out for his boys. He could only hope that they weren’t caught out in the storm somewhere hurt.
Over at Lilly-Beth’s farm, things were steaming up for the Duke boys. Rain trickled in on Bo as he watched Luke struggle to get out of his ropes. A tree bashed against the barn window. Who would want a window in a barn? Only Lilly-Beth would want one. That gal loved windows.
Anyway, the window finally shattered sending glass flying all around. Luke tucked his head in to avoid it. Bo was worried about his cousin and began making a fuss. Luke on the other hand, had a plan. He managed to slide a piece of glass in between his feet. He passed it up to his hands.
Bo crossed his fingers behind his back. If this worked they would both be free and be able to get out of there. Luke continued to move the glass back and forth.
The ropes finally cut. However the glass slipped and cut the front of Luke’s wrist. He took the gag off of himself. Luke untied his feet, hoping his cousin wouldn’t notice his arm bleeding.
Now Bo has two eyes and can see very well. Of course he noticed the arm thing. Luke took the gag off his cousin. “Are you okay?” Bo asked. Luke rolled his eyes. As Luke untied his cousin, Bo sighed.
“Look, I’m fine,” Luke replied. Bo untied his feet. He walked over to where the glass was and cut the seams on his shirt. “What are you doing?! You love that shirt.”
“There are more important things than a shirt, Lukas.” Bo pulled the arms off the shirt and wrapped them around Luke’s hand. Luke smiled weakly. He didn’t want his cousin to do that for him.
“You’re welcome. Now, it’s time to go fishing.”
“I don’t get you.”
“Well, we have the fishing line in the back seat. Attach a hook and…”
“This is no time to go fishing.”
“What type of sack do they have?”
“Fishing line is strong is it not?” Luke finally caught on, he had a big smile on his face. Bo knew was he was talking about and Luke was going to go with the flow. “There you go cousin, time to go fishing.”
Bo and Luke managed to make it back to the General. Luke pulled out their fishing polls. Bo put them back in. He grabbed a sewing set he picked up for Daisy. He was going to send it to her but decided that this was more important.
Bo grabbed one of the spools out of the kit and began to take the thread off. “Now what are you doing?” Luke asked.
“The rods make noise—the spools do not. Now we know that she has raptures in her house. We can hang up there and grab these bags,” Bo replied.
“Four bags…how are we going to get down with four bags in our hands?”
“Empty my backpack, Luke.”
“Why should I empty your backpack? You keep it so messy…”
“Well, I am goanna carry the jewels on my back.” Luke nodded. Well the plan was coming together. The Dukes were going to go fishing.
So, step one of BO’s plan—I like the sound of that, Bo’s plan. I remember when it was always Luke’s plan. Oh no matter. Anyway, Bo’s first step was to climb up the roof. With all the thunder and lightning it was a bit of a risk but Bo and Luke were willing to take it. They looked like Batman and Robin climbing onto the roof.
Both boys made it through the small window. Ella and Logan were sleeping comfortably in easy chairs. Bo had the green knapsack on his back. Luke swallowed hard. He hoped this was going to work. Bo and Luke melted the fishing line on with a lighter. Hopefully it wouldn’t break.
The first bag of jewels began to climb into the air. Luke put it in Bo’s backpack. “This is going well,” Luke whispered. Bo lowered his line down again for the next big fish. He grabbed the jewels again putting them in. The next two bags were easy.
The hard part would be getting the crown off of Logan’s head. Bo got it low enough and began swinging the hook back and forth. He finally gripped onto it and pulled it up. Bo and Luke shimmied back to the window and climbed down.
“Now for the fun part,” Luke mumbled.
“What are you going to do?” Bo asked softly. Now there was only one entrance to Lilly-Beth’s farm. The front door and Luke figured he could make it so they couldn’t come out at all. “Lilly-Beth left her husband’s tools go get his electric nail gun, the big boards from the barn and his screw driver.
Now each time the thunder roared, Luke would do some more work until these people were boarded up in the house. Luke boarded the windows while Bo took off the door handle. It’s funny how people with such good hearing can be such sound sleepers.
After they were done, Bo and Luke got into the General Lee and were on their way. Now if you think they’re done, think again. A bolt of lightning hit a tree, wiping out the road to Hazzard.
“Any great ideas, Luke?” Bo asked.
“Yeah…who needs a road?” Luke replied. Bo smiled.
“Do it.” Luke drove off the road into the creek and up onto the other side of the remains of the tree that had been hit. They made it up to Hazzard and dropped off the Jewels, right back in the museum. Pretty slick huh?
Luke was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. He looked at Bo and sighed. “This is so boring. You know, I didn’t have to come here,” Luke grumbled.
“Sure you did, you need a tetanus shot and you need stitches. Blood was starting to come through my second sleeve on your hand,” Bo answered. Luke rolled his eyes.
“You’re a pain you know that?”
“I ain’t a pain, I am a cousin.”
“You’re worse than a little brother.”
“Lukas Duke,” The lady called. Luke let out a yahoo as he went in. A nurse walked in the room.
“Wow, the famous Duke Boys. Good to see you both here. I know there’s nothing wrong with Bo. He seems to be checking out every nurse in sight. So, what can I do for you Luke?” She asked softly. Bo winked.
“Well I cut my wrist on some glass and…” Luke began.
“Say no more, I’ll send the doctor in with a shot and some stitches.” Luke sighed.
“What’s wrong, Cousin?” Bo asked.
“I hate needles,” Luke replied.
About an hour later, Bo and Luke were on their way home. “I can’t believe he let you drive,” Bo commented.
“What do you mean by that?”
“You fainted when you saw the needle.”
“So, you looked like you were goanna hurl when you got the second one.”
“Well at least I was unconscious when they put the stitches in.” Bo shook his head and laughed.
“You can take on baddies yet you can’t get a needle without flinching.”
“No one is perfect Bo.”
“Evidently not.” Luke rolled his eyes. “I think I pictured you a little tougher.”
“I guess you were wrong.”
“I guess so.”
When Bo and Luke finally got home, Danny was still waiting with Jesse. Luke and Bo climbed out of the General Lee. They looked at Bo “Hey, what are you doing here Danny?” Bo asked.
“I told Mama I was sleeping over here. I was really worried about you two,” Danny replied. Bo shook his head.
“We’re fine, honest. Just got into a little bit of a test—you know a test of strength that’s all. We won too. I’ll tell you all about it.”
“Sweet, let’s go.” Danny and Bo walked upstairs. Luke sat beside his Uncle, who was looking up into the cleared sky.
“You know Luke, storms are a funny thing. One minute they seem frightening and scary and the next, they clear up,” Uncle Jesse mumbled.
“I don’t get what you mean,” Luke replied. Jesse smiled at his nephew and messed up his hair.
“You see, one minute you can think you have it all under control. The next, you’re in a while mess of trouble. Soon, you either find a way out or you don’t and somehow, the situation clears itself.”
“Luke, you boys were lucky. By the scrape on your arm, I know something went on. By the rope marks on both of your wrists I know you were caught.”
“I know you are. You boys ain’t goanna be the best fighting Dukes in the world. You need practice. As the older one though, I know you understand when I say that you need to watch over Bo.”
“Yeah I do. He has some good ideas though. I wish I could see Mr. Higgins’s face when he opens up the museum tomorrow.”
“What did you do?”
“What do you mean what did I do?”
“What did you do to the museum?”
“Well we—gave the jewels back.”
“Where are the thieves?”
“What thieves?” Uncle Jesse shook his head and Luke laughed.
“You know what I mean but the thieves, the ones that stole the jewels. What did you do with them?”
“Oh Uncle Jesse, you wouldn’t want me to tell you that.”
“Yes I would, now come on.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I am sure now let’s hear it.” Luke smiled as he rubbed his hands together. He told Uncle Jesse exactly what they had done. Now thank goodness Jesse has a sense of humor. That man began to laugh up a storm.
“Yep and that’s what we did to them.”
“Oh what poetic justice.”
Well, okay, we’ll skip ahead to the next day…more fun that way anyway. Whelp, Mr. Higgins opened the door and saw four bags sitting there with two guns. He looked at it curiously. On one of the bags a note was attached:
Dear Mister Higgins:
Here are the Royal family’s jewels, we know that you have been in a panic and we apologize for not getting them to you sooner. The twisted lawbreakers who stole the jewels in the first place are not far. In fact, they are at Lilly-Beth’s neglected farm trapped in her farmhouse. Send the Sheriff and he’ll take care of them. Here are their guns.
Your Friendly Hazzard County Good Ol Boys
Bo Duke Luke Duke
Now Bo sure has nice writing doesn’t he? I really like his writing, I think it looks splendid. Mr. Higgins sure thought so. And speaking of Mr. Higgins, he did in fact feel relieved.
Whelp, he called the Sheriff as Bo directed him to do. Luke, Bo, Dodger, Danny and Cooter went into the forest to watch them be arrested they had to break the door down.
Bo had to laugh watching these crooks walking away with moustaches drawn on their faces…compliments of Bo Duke. “Am I an artist or what?” Bo asked Cooter.
“You ain’t half as good as I am,” Cooter replied.
“Oh you think so?”
“Yeah, your moustaches look like the Dairy Queen loop.”
“Is that so?”
“I think you’re both wrong, I’m the artist,” Dodger cut in. Okay, I’m not sticking around for this one. All you have to know is everything is back to normal…if there is a normal in Hazzard County.