by: Essy Jane
“How about this one Bo?” Danny asked as he held up a book. Welcome to Hazzard County. Land of the free and home of the strange—well stay awhile and you’ll find out.
“War and peace? Nah, I already read that one remember?” Bo answered.
“We have to hand in this book report.”
“I know, I am the one that is assigning it remember?” Danny rolled his eyes. Well that’s what happens when you wanna play teacher. Bo was really good at it but it didn’t mean that he wanted to keep up with the gag.
“Well tell me prince, how are you supposed to assign one if you haven’t picked one for the whole class to read?” Bo pulled his hair back.
“Teaching class was supposed to be only for a few weeks.” Bo pulled out another book. Not one he was looking for at all. He shook his head, putting it back. “These dang teachers kept me going at it.” Danny began laughing.
“You’re a laugh and a half.”
“It ain’t funny Danny!”
“Well it is your fault you know.” Danny continued to skim through books. As he pulled out one book, it fell apart. Danny picked up the pieces and shook his head.
“That was your fault.”
“Yes, I know.” Danny thought for a minute. He tapped his temple with his pinky. The rest of his fingers were in a fist.
“What are you doing?”
“AH FIRE!” Danny glared at his friend. Bo smiled. “It was a joke.
“Dang it, what was I saying?”
“Before or after you destroyed the book?” Danny rolled his eyes. He hated when Bo was in one of those moods. You know, a come back for everything.
“Before the book fell apart.”
“Come on, you murdered a good classic.”
“You didn’t even read the title.”
“I did too.”
“You did not.”
“Come on Bo! What was I saying?
“I’m a laugh and a half—its my fault…”
“Oh yeah! I remember now.” Danny handed the book to the librarian without looking back. She snarled at him but brought the book up to be fixed. “You said you liked teaching and that it was easy.”
“Well I take it back, I am sick of lesson guides and picking books. Leave it to the professionals.” Danny started laughing again. “No seriously, when I am out of school, I will stick to farming.”
“I think you’re too daring for farming.”
“Nah, it keeps you honest.”
“How do you mean?” Danny showed Bo another book. Bo shook his head no.
“Well, when you work you get tired right?” Bo held up a book and Danny shook his head.
“Well how much damage can you do when you’re tired all the time?”
“Are you kidding? Take yourself as an example.” Bo laughed.
“You’re right.” Bo laughed. “Perfect.”
“Haven’t you been paying attention? We’re looking for books.” Danny examined the cover.
“It looks like it was homemade.”
“So won’t it be hard for the class to read one book between them?”
“We’ll read it in class.” Look how well Bo can solve problems? Not bad for a Duke huh? He had the biggest smile on his face.
“Oh don’t get overconfident, Bo.”
“I ain’t overconfident—just self-satisfied.” Danny rolled his eyes. Sometimes Bo was so childish.
“That means the same thing.” Bo shrugged like Danny’s answer had no significance at all. That kind of angered Bo’s friend—I would be grumpy too though.
“Does it? Does it really?” Bo rubbed his chin. “I had no idea, dear Danny.” Bo winked. Danny slapped his friend in the back of the head.
“Owe that hurt!” Danny laughed. He shook his head.
“Well you earned it Bo.”
“I did not.”
“You wanna make a bet?”
“No.” Danny laughed.
“Well not really, I just am on probation and if I gambled illegally, Roscoe would be after me.” Danny rolled his eyes.
“I am without a solution?” Danny shook his head. “Am I unattainable?” Danny shook his head. “Hmm, I need to narrow this down.”
“Yes you do.”
“I am unworkable?”
“No, that’s not it.” Danny and Bo both thought for a minute. A look of clarity came upon Bo’s face.
“Yeah, that is the word I was looking for. How did you know?”
“Now this is a trouble-free enlightenment.”
“Just hurry up with it Confucius.”
“Luke says I am impossible all the time.” Danny couldn’t help but laugh at his friend.
“I think that’s why Luke and I get along so well.”
“Thumbs down to that one Danny—you have it all wrong. That’s why we get along so well.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Basically, my theory is the reason why we get along so soundly is because Luke and you are so much alike.”
“I never thought of it that way.” Bo laughed. “What is it now?”
“Don’t call me by that unpleasant horrifying awful name.”
“What Beauregard?” Bo shuttered and glared at his friend Danny with all his might.
“Yes, that name.”
“Then tell me what you were laughing about.”
“FINE, you’re slow.” Bo ran through the library. Well that is until the librarian caught him.
“No running,” Mrs. Cadre said.
“Yes ma’am,” Bo replied. Yeah I know, you think this ain’t strange. This is two friends interacting. Come on folks, this does have something to do with today’s adventure in Hazzard County, honest. So sit down and eat your popcorn all.
Okay, here we go. We’re here in the woods. Oh don’t give me that look either. Many adventurous things happen in the woods. No really, I mean it. Have you ever read Snow White and the seven—uh, little people? Well come on, the world is so technical now.
Anyhow, Daisy and Luke were waiting for the perfect time to strike. You see those two men down there? Well one is named Simon and the other Ormond. They robbed the bank in Capital City.
Now with Bo busy, Daisy and Luke make a good team. She shoots arrows better than the next man. I mean that in the nicest way. Daisy has always had some tomboy in her. From the very beginning she has been working dang hard to keep pretty but able to fight.
Now Daisy had her Jeep and Luke General Lee Two. Therefore if these slick crooks were goanna try and make the slip, they could catch them with ease. Ain’t those Dukes smart now?
“How do you wanna do this?” Daisy asked. Luke thought about it for a second. “You know, the more you think about it the more they’re thinking too.”
“Yeah I know, I just wanna get this right,” Luke replied.
“What is there to get right? You jump, say heehaw and then let out a yehaw or yahoo. You get rid of the guns and fight skin on skin.”
“What would I do without you?” Daisy’s eyebrows rose.
“Who knows, Luke.” They jumped down and looked at their next target. Daisy smiled as she waved. “Heehaw.” The men looked at her. She was a good distraction. “You boys look pretty cute.” They came closer to her.
“Well you look pretty sweet yourself,” Simon commented.
“Glad to be here.” You wouldn’t believe the smile that I see on this boy’s face. “What’s your name stranger?”
“I’m Ormond,” Ormond added.
“Well sugars, there is enough of me for both of you. So let’s go for a group hug,” Daisy cut in. She hugged both of them, grabbing their guns from their pockets and throwing them.
Now it was Luke’s turn to come down. Daisy took the smaller of the two, Ormond while Luke handled Simon. “I could have gone for a girl like you,” Ormond said.
“Well too bad honey, I don’t date bank robbers.” She hit him in the face. The guy was flung to the ground. Daisy’s eyebrows went up. She rubbed her hands together.
Luke was doing well also. He kicked the guy down. However, Simon bounced back up. Luke knew what he was doing though. He went right back up, head butting him in the stomach. Now ain’t this a pretty sight.
Daisy managed to get Ormond down to her level which sometimes was a pretty hard thing to do. “So when to I get my kiss?” Ormond asked. She growled. Daisy kicked him down again, she held his neck with her high heel.
“Kiss this,” Daisy grumbled. She got down to his level and punched him in the stomach.
“I like them wild.” Ormond got up. He was still out of breath when Daisy got him again.
“Well then you won’t want me because I ain’t wild sir, I am bad to the bone.”
“Yes, I am sure you are.”
“You should know, you’re worse than I am.”
“How do you figure?”
“You seem like the twisted type to me.”
“Well we’ll just see about that.” This time, Ormond was goanna play it smart. He grabbed some dirt and as he rose, he threw it in Daisy’s face. Daisy could see. He grabbed her and took his pocket knife out.
“Let me go!” He put the knife to her throat.
“Hold it farm boy or the girl gets it.” Luke stopped. He nodded to Daisy. She grabbed his arm and flipped him, getting the knife back. However, Ormond had a plan still. He shoved Daisy. Simon pushed Luke. They headed to their cars.
“Easy huh?” Luke questioned.
“In theory Luke but this is still Hazzard County. You always have to know that there is a back up plan to every plan,” Daisy replied. Luke nodded softly.
“Yeah I get that now.” Luke got up and gave Daisy a hand. “So what’s the plan, Miss Daisy?”
“I know they’re taking Miller Road. I’ll go cross country and cut them off. You keep on them like you’ve never done before.”
“Right on Daisy!” Now this is an adventure. Hang onto your chips and dip folks, you don’t want it to be knocked over now do ya?
As they continued to drive, Luke and Daisy got further apart from each other. Luke was well on their tail. However, the gunshot threw the window wasn’t exactly comforting. Yes ladies and Gentlemen, they found their guns before getting back in their cars.
Good for them—not so good for the Dukes themselves. Luke swayed back and forth to avoid anything being shot up. He seemed to be doing a good job. Daisy had managed to get into position.
“Lost sheep one this here is the Bo Peep, I am here, come back,” Daisy told her cousin over the CB. Luke smiled.
“10-4 Cousin, I am waiting for them to stop,” Luke replied. He turned the wheel making sure he covered the south end. Luke smiled as he put down the CB. “Here we go.”
Those guys didn’t stop, no, instead they clipped Daisy’s jeep—knocking it over. Now how can someone do that to Miss Daisy? Don’t worry none though, it caused them to roll their car.
Luke first had to chase down the guys that were running in the car. He noticed they weren’t carrying guns. This was goanna make his job easier. Luke grabbed the rope sitting in the passenger’s seat.
He punched both of them within a matter of seconds. Luke tied them up with ease. He dragged them with him. Sitting them both down by Daisy’s jeep. Luke took the last piece of rope and attached both sets of hands to part of the jeep.
“Daisy, are you okay?” Luke questioned. Daisy looked up at Luke. She shook her head no. “What’s wrong with you?”
“My leg—I think it’s busted,” Daisy answered her cousin. Luke shook his head. He looked at her leg it was stuck in her jeep pretty well.
“How does your neck feel?”
“Fine.” Luke moved his hands up her spine on the back of her.
“Can you loosen these ropes?” Simon asked.
“BE QUIET!” Luke exclaimed. He continued to feel down her spine. “No cracks or swelling. Does anything else hurt?” Daisy pushed back her hair. There was blood rolling down the side of her head. “Dang! This is all my fault.” Daisy laughed.
“No Luke, it was—my plan.”
“How can you laugh at a time like this, you’re hurt.”
“Yeah but alive.” Now Daisy always did have a good way with words.
“I guess you’re right.”
“I know I am. I was lucky they didn’t hit me too hard.” Luke smiled. He took his shirt off and ripped it into strips. “That’s your favorite shirt.”
“You’re more important than a shirt.” Daisy smiled.
“Thanks Luke.” He slowly bunched up a piece of fabric into a ball. He put it on Daisy’s forehead. Luke took the longer strips and used them to hold on the ball of fabric.
“That should stop the bleeding for now.”
“Go call Enos and the tow trucks. You can take me to the hospital.” Luke nodded. He walked over to the General Lee and looked back.
“Are you sure I should leave you alone?”
“Get calling, Luke.”
“Breaker, breaker this is Luke Duke calling our local yokels, either Sheriff Coltrane or Deputy straight. Ya have your ears on, come back?” Luke asked over the CB. For all of those who have problems with their CB lingo, local yokels are the local police.
“This is Enos here Luke, what do you need, come back?” Enos replied.
“Look, we got two goons for you attached to Daisy’s rolled jeep on Miller road. They robbed Capital City bank.”
“That’s a 10-4 Luke, I am on my way.”
“Ah Breaker one breaker one I feel a little crazy but I ain’t all that dumb, crazy Cooter comin’ at ya, did you just say rolled jeep Lucas come back?” Cooter asked, in one breath. Dang that boys is good with his CB talk.
“That’s a 10-4 Cooter, we have that and a pregnant roller skate that the police will need for evidence. Would y’all be so kind as to pick them up?”
“Well 10-4 Luke, I can pick up Dolly and the Volkswagon is Daisy alright, over?”
“Ah…she’s banged up pretty good but she’ll live. I got to get her to the hospital.”
“Dang, ya want a meat wagon?”
“Negative, I’ll drive her myself and Enos can take dumb and dumber to the hospital.”
“I’ll radio Jesse on the regular channel and let him know.”
“10-4 Cooter and out.” Now I bet you’re wondering what these guys and Bo giving a book report assignment have in common…well so do I. I was just told that they were in common. Don’t ask me.
Bo, Cooter, Jesse and Dodger rushed into the emergency room. Luke was sitting there shirtless. He looked up at the people who he knew as immediate family.
“Woe, what’s with the stranded look?” Bo questioned his cousin.
“Oh, I used it on Daisy…my shirt I mean,” Luke replied. Bo took of his yellow shirt, revealing the blue one underneath.
“Here, I don’t wanna look at that all day.” Luke smiled, thanking him without words. Now that there is friendship. I know, you don’t get it do ya?
For all those who don’t know Bo that well, let me educate you. When Bo says something like, ‘Here, I don’t wanna look at that all day’, he actually means, ‘You look cold, here, have my shirt.’ Bo just doesn’t wanna look all tender and stuff.
“So how is Daisy?” Jesse asked as Luke buttoned the shirt.
“She’s okay—Daisy’s a tough cookie. She just broke her leg. Doc says she’ll need stitches and a cast. She has a concussion but will be okay,” Luke answered his uncle.
“I hope y’all didn’t do this in vain.”
“Nope, we caught the crooks. Enos came to the hospital and said there was reward money for it and that Daisy and me were getting it.”
“Well we Dukes ain’t in it for the reward.”
“I know that, I talked to Daisy and she said we should give it to the library for new books.”
“Can I see my cousin already?” Bo questioned.
“Go ahead cousin,” Luke replied.
“How much longer will she be here?”
“They wanna keep her for a couple of hours and then they’ll release her.”
“You might as well keep her company. You are the funny one.”
“I sure am.” Bo walked into the room and looked at Daisy. She shook her head.
“I must have frightened everyone,” Daisy answered. Bo sat on the edge of her bed.
“Can I sign it?” Daisy laughed as she shook her head. “Come on, I know it is childish but you need something there besides the pink—too bright for words.”
“Go ahead.” As Bo wrote on her cast he looked at her face.
“What is wrong?”
“Just a little down I guess.” Bo smiled.
“As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, ‘Derrick, I just heard on the radio that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!’ Well Herman cleared his throat and said, ‘It’s not just one car, It’s hundreds of them!’ What do you think?” Daisy began laughing.
“I have got hundreds of them.”
“Well then shoot.” Bo thought about it for a minute. “Come on, if you have hundreds of them, you should be able to pull one out of your hat right now.”
“I can and will.”
“What is the difference between Coy and a battery?”
“I don’t know.”
“At least the battery has a positive side.” Daisy began laughing but not on purpose. She stopped and looked at her cousin.
“That was mean.”
“Then why did you laugh?” Daisy shrugged. Bo smiled as always. “Exactly.”
“Bo, you shouldn’t be so mean to your brother.” Bo shrugged and straightened up his shoulders. “I’m serious. You should treat him better.”
“Look, when I learn how to treat him better then I will but for now, I ain’t promising anything.”
“Well if you like him so much, you go be nice to him.”
“Do something for me okay? Try and be nice to him when he’s not here at least.”
“When he is here at least he can defend himself.”
“Fine.” Bo raised his right hand. “I Bo…”
“Re-gaurd.” Bo rolled his eyes.
“I Beauregard Duke, do solemnly swear that I won’t be mean to my brother, Coy, as much when he can’t defend himself.”
“Well that’s a good promise for me, Daisy.” She laughed and shook her head.
“Everyone keeps telling me that.” Daisy laughed even more than before.
“You are also a funny man, Bo Duke.”
“Why thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Bo winked. He ticked Daisy. She flung her cast in the air and knocked him in the head.
“Owe.” Daisy laughed.
“Your fault, you started tickling me.”
“Well you kicked me. Maybe I should break my promise because of that.”
“No.” Now you see? Bo is the funny one ain’t he? Yeah I know, still nowhere near the bad guys and the book report theory. Well let’s wait and see what happens.
Welcome to Grade twelve English class, staring Bo Duke. Now remember, Bo is stuck being the English teacher and the social teacher. He still has to take tests and exams with the other students. So Bo thought to himself, what’s the point?
I think the teachers of this school really have him paying attention in class. Well Bo doesn’t like doing it at all. He would rather catch his thirty winks.
Now don’t get me wrong folks, Bo is a very gifted student. However, without motivation or a pathway, life can be boring. Bo sees most of his classes as something that is beneath him. He would rather work on the General Lee all day long than go to these classes.
Well that’s where his motivation is. I could see it now, Bo on the NASCAR circuit. However, even the best NASCAR racers tell you that education is important. Bo would listen to them. I know that piece of information is quite true.
The whole class seems to be amazed with this story already and it is only the second day of reading it. Yes, that means Daisy’s at home. Luke’s taking care of her—don’t worry about it. Stick to the task at hand will ya?
Where is the teacher you ask? Well look to your left…all the way in the back. The teacher’s round rump was firmly placed on the stool. She had her arms placed on her lap. The teacher seemed to enjoy listening to Bo as he read.
* * *
<The Shoddy Adventures of Leonardo Domino>
< Written by: Gregory Limestone >
The nighttime had become time-consuming, more so than I had ever seen it. With the passing of the third hour of the morning, I began to converse with myself as to the life here. I seemed to do this a lot lately, wondering if these journeys were worth the wait.
After all, man could go mad under these very conditions. Eating nothing but cheap food, most of the crew had become ill. I was advantageous enough to still be in good health. Though in body I was fine, I felt as if my mind had become sick under pressure.
I hadn’t seen a woman in months. The burning for companionship became plain as the nose on your face. All I wanted was five minutes alone with a lady.
Considering where I was this was not at all possible. Still, I wanted to smell the sweet perfume, dance in the company of this velvet woman. Would I get the chance? I knew not.
Heading for these lands, these Americas made me feel frantic and disturbed. Who knew what these lands might hold? Especially considering the American Revolution only happened three years before.
The waves of the ocean seemed to launch our enormous ship into an assortment of directions. There was no light with the exception of the lanterns burning throughout the vessel and the moon.
The bright moon was continuously was sheltered by the clouds themselves. It was in short supply to my eyes. I could not see it at all for the most part. It played with my senses every second.
My fellow workers were getting weary of Leonardo’s ways. He seemed to never want to listen to the preponderance hold of the group, thus causing us to want to mutiny more and more by each hour that passed.
Times were bleak and uninviting. The life of the people was slowly draining. Finding a treasure Leonardo’s ancestors, that was our task. As it had said in their memoirs, the group of ravenous pirates had left in it the fog of a new world.
All we had to probe such theories was a map and a lot of hope. It was buried on an island—which was now part of a place called New York. Who knew what this place held for us.
* * *
Bo closed the book. Everyone looked at him, especially the girls. They sighed when he stopped reading. “Don’t worry my beauties, we will continued the rest tomorrow,” Bo announced. The bell rang and everyone left.
Bo closed the book. He put it down on the desk for a minute as he collected up his other books. As he grabbed the homemade book, something fell out of it. It was made out of cloth, folded just nicely. He picked it up and stuck it back in without thinking about it.
Now school was over. Since nothing happened on Fridays practice wise, Bo got in the General Lee with Danny. “That story was so weird,” Danny commented.
“How do you mean, I liked it, Bo answered his friend. Danny shrugged.
“Well, it seemed like it wasn’t a book…like it was real.” Bo turned the corner. He went cross country going for a jump. Danny didn’t flinch for one minute. “You know, like the part where they went from the seas of Italy after Leonardo stole the riches of the overlord?”
“It is just some guy trying to tell a ridiculous story.” Danny shook his head.
“Bo, it was too real for that. I think the story is true. What if there is a buried treasure in New York?”
“There ain’t anymore even if the story was true.”
“What do you mean?”
“Read the end of the book today. Apparently, Leonardo moved his treasure after drugging his crew.”
“That way it could be all his—the only one he didn’t go after was Gregory who came part way with him.”
“Geeze, what a guy.”
“However, he wasn’t let anywhere near him while Leonardo buried the treasure inland. He made a map on canvas.”
“Weird, then what happened?”
“Well you see, Leonardo and Gregory got back on their horses and rode back.”
“So they escape?”
“I’m not finished yet.”
“That’s okay, I still like ya.” Danny began laughing he shook his head. There was a sudden silence between the two of them.
“Come on what?”
“You know what, get on with it.”
“As they were riding the crew ram shackled him. When Leonardo didn’t tell about the whereabouts of the treasure, they killed him. Gregory managed to get away. He went back to the place he was and hid the map somewhere.”
“So no one knows where the map is?”
“Nope—this is a tall tale though remember?”
“Danny stop living in a dream world. You think that there could be treasure buried in Georgia or some other place around here?”
“You know, it would be pretty dang cool.”
“Would you get off it? Dang it, I wish there was some sort of treasure but until pigs fly without courtesy airplanes, I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Yeah, sure Bo.”
“Good, you finally have some sense in ya.”
“Why? If I listen to you, how much sense could I possibly have?” Bo glared at him. “Personally, I think there’s something about that book. As homemade as it looks it is…”
“I don’t think so. Now that is enough!” Danny rubbed his chin. Now he wasn’t too sure that it was fake. It sounded—well pretty dang real. I guess we’ll find out won’t we?
Daisy looked pretty bored to tears sitting on that couch. She wished there was something else to do. Daisy looked up at Bo as he wrote the questions for his book report. She sat there writing something in her notebook. Daisy had nothing much to do.
Now she demanded that she would have something to do besides collect dust. Jesse kept telling her that she had to wait to heal. You know Daisy though. She is just as stubborn as the rest of the Dukes.
Why yesterday, she tried to wash dishes while leaning on the crutches. Daisy forgot she was on crutches and fell to the ground. Luke picked her up and threw her on the couch telling her to stay there.
You think she would listen? Of course not—she’s a Duke after all. No, Daisy got right back up and decided she could be useful. Now you think that feeding the chickens while on crutches is a good idea? Well I don’t.
Daisy put the bucket on her arm. She began hobbling along with the bucket. Well the dog, Brutus began chasing a little ol fox out of the field. He rammed the crutch right out of Daisy’s hand. Once again she was on the ground.
This time, Uncle Jesse saw her. He picked her up and sat her back on the couch. Now you can imagine how annoying this got. Daisy stayed there the rest of the day.
Actually, the next day, she did find something to do. Daisy sat there and did a whole lot of sewing. She fixed Bo and Luke’s britches. Daisy fixed the hole in Uncle—err—uh Jesse’s hat.
She couldn’t exactly hobble around the horses to clean them. Or wash the laundry and hang it to dry. Sewing kept Daisy sane. She wasn’t a burden.
Now she was having a well deserved break. However, Daisy hated sitting there all the same. She felt like she was useless. Well you and I know she ain’t that way at all.
Bo continued to think about the questions. He bit on the end of his pencil and snapped his fingers. Bo wrote another one down. He continued working. But as most Dukes, he was getting bored. Bo smiled as he looked up.
“Are you staring at me?” Daisy asked from under her notebook. Bo bit on his bottom lip and looked back down at his paper. “Well are you?”
“Now Daisy Duke, why would I do that? I have important work to do,” Bo answered, filled with his innocent voice. You know, innocent but guilty.
“Yeah sure, which girl are you thinking about?” Bo began to laugh.
“You think that’s all I do? Think about girls?”
“Which one?” Bo smiled.
“Sure, can’t a cousin think of his cousin’s woes and worries?” Daisy shrugged as she laughed. She propped herself on the pillow. She squinted at the book sitting on the table.
“Oh just one of the pages that fell out of the book—I think.”
“Hand it over.” Bo took the folded canvas cloth out of the book and gave it to Daisy. She opened it with awareness—most delicately. Daisy gasped. “Bo, it’s a map.”
“Did Danny put you up to this?” Daisy crocked an eyebrow. She stared at Bo like he was extremely nuts. “Obviously not, sorry Daisy.”
“Bo you ain’t goanna believe this but—that’s Razorback Mountain that it is buried on. On the rough trail side.”
“You mean the one that Luke sprained his ankle trying to get up?”
“Uh huh—obviously has been there for a while. Looks like before the copper miners got up there. By a big bunch of shrubs.” Bo shook his head. “What is it?”
“I’m goanna have to tell Danny he was right.” Now wouldn’t you know it? Roscoe was outside listening to the whole thing. Now ain’t that typical?
You know as well as I do, Roscoe was heading to Boss’ place. Soon, Boss Hogg had the news. “Buried treasure?” Boss Hogg questioned.
“Yes sir,” Roscoe replied.
“You don’t have some chickens rooming in your head do you. I mean you really heard that there was treasure.”
“Oh yeah Boss, TREASURE KHEE.”
“You mean Arrrr—there be treasure.”
“No, I ain’t no, Khee. That’s my way of finding treasure.” Boss rolled his eyes. “So you want me to follow them?”
“No pea brain, let them do the hard work. If you didn’t remember, the ghost town on Razorback Mountain is being restored as a museum. The only way up is UP, UP.”
“You mean up the hard side?”
“Yes. You and me may want gold but I ain’t willin’ to get dirty for it.”
“Now Boss, how are they goanna get down from there with the big box?”
“Let them worry about it that. Roscoe, this gold will be worth millions and it will be ours.” Roscoe smiled.
“You get twenty.”
“The prices are too high nowadays for you to share in all the glory.”
“Well I found this information.”
“Yeah and I ain’t firing you because you found it.”
“Oh thank you Boss Hogg.”
“Now go home, you worked a long day.” Uh huh, Boss is pretty dang slick ain’t he? Bo and Luke do the work and he reaps the benefits. Just one problem, those boys have minds don’t they now?
Daisy couldn’t drive but she would be danged if she were left behind for this little adventure. So, Danny drove her Jeep for her. Ain’t that nice? Danny was always a sweet guy.
Uncle—umm—I mean Jesse always loved adventure as well. He traveled in the mustang General. Jesse said even if those doors were welded he could always push the button to get rid of the hard top.
Who else came? Well this wouldn’t be fun without Dodger or Cooter Davenport. Besides, Bo and Luke like to have spotters when they climb up big mountains. It ain’t a bad idea.
Danny got into his harness. Bo and Luke were already done. Bo and Luke have experience in this sort of thing though. Luke used to go climbing all the time. He loved it more than anything. He would drag Bo with him.
“Come on Danny, shake a leg,” Bo said as he put the roped shovel on his back. His eyebrows went up and his face was full of life.
“Yeah Danny, you’re slowing down the crew,” Luke added, positioning the shovel on his arm.
“The faster you put your gear on…”
“The faster we get to the treasure.” He threw it onto his back. Danny growled.
“You Dukes are all alike,” Danny hissed.
“How do you mean?” Jesse asked.
“Simple Uncle Jesse, y’all are impatient.”
“First of all, we ain’t impatient we are energized.” Bo and Luke stared at each other and smiled. Daisy giggled slightly. “Well we are.”
“Is there a second of all?”
“Yes son there is.”
“I ain’t your Uncle Jesse.” Now Dodger and Cooter were laughing. “No seriously. I have Daisy calling me it.”
“Only because I am your niece Uncle Jesse,” Daisy cut in.
“I have Bo and Luke calling me it.”
“We take on Daisy’s answer,” Bo commented.
“Yeah only substitute nephew in where she said niece,” Luke added. Cooter and Dodger laughed.
“Heck, I even have Coy and—and Vance calling me it,” Jesse stated.
“Yeah, well Uncle Jesse, they are your nephews,” Cooter confessed. Now Unc—err Jesse glared at Cooter.
“Now to have you three—Cooter and Dodger AND Danny, is enough to make me go crazy.”
“We ain’t trying to make you crazy,” Dodger tried to explain.
“It is just the truth when we say…” Cooter began to add.
“You’re like an Uncle to all of us,” Danny finished. Jesse rolled his eyes and folded his arms.
“Just because I am nice to y’all doesn’t mean…” Jesse began. They all stared at him. “Ta heck with it, y’all won’t quit will ya?”
“Nope.” Jesse shook his head. Well even if he don’t like it, I sure do.
“Would y’all get up there? Be careful will ya?”
“Yes sir,” Bo, Luke and Jesse said at the same time. They hooked up their first pegs, attaching their ropes to it. They began climbing up like it was nothing. Just as they were working their stuff, Luke’s rope broke.
He began to fall. Luke felt the pressure right in his stomach. He thought he was in big trouble this time. To be perfectly honest with you, I thought he was too. Uncle Jesse and Cooter could save him—or was he falling too fast?
Bo grabbed his arm with one hand, holding onto the rope with the other. Luke breathed a sigh of great relief. He was thrilled that he wasn’t dead on the ground.
“Dang it, cousin! You need to loose a few pounds around the middle,” Bo replied through his teeth.
“That ain’t funny, Bo,” Luke replied.
“Sure it is.”
“No kidding Luke, it’s called I am a high school student.”
“Well I know that.” Luke climbed on his cousin, pushing right on his shoulders.
“You know, this is uncomfortable considering you’re my cousin.”
“Deal with it. I need to get out of this freestyle thing.”
“I thought you laughed in the face of danger.”
“Not all danger.” Luke was shaking like nothing had ever felt.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Luke shakily hooked up on Bo’s line, climbing faster ahead of him. Bo sighed for a minute.
“Yeah—I’ll be fine.”
“Your legs were shaking.”
“Yours would be too.” Luke’s unsteady arm reached out for a rock. He managed to grip it in spite of the trembling. “I mean if you almost died.” Bo’s eyes looked up to his cousin who was traveling somewhat at a snail’s pace.
“I don’t know, I think it would make me climb better.” Bo looked at his watch and then at Luke.
“Well I pray you never have to.” Luke continued to climb, gradually making his way up. Bo growled.
“One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi. Ready or not here I come.”
“Quit fighting,” Danny mumbled.
“We’re not fighting.”
“No we’re simply stating our opinions,” Bo added.
“Yeah with style.”
“In a bickering line of attack.”
“Good one cousin.”
“Thank you cousin.”
“You’re welcome cousin.” Bo and Luke began laughing. Danny rolled his eyes as they continued to go up the large mountain.
“Y’all are nuts,” Danny announced.
“You really think so? What an honor, I would like to thank all the little people for showing me that way to Nutsville,” Bo replied.
“I would like to thank Uncle Cameron for being there just long enough to drop us into Hazzard. This is where all the bona fide nutty people twisted me into the harebrained lunatic I am today.”
“Don’t interrupt Danny, it ain’t polite.” Danny shifted his eyes.
“That’s better.” Bo cleared his throat as he continued to climb. “I would also like to thank the teachers in our high school for having the notion of making me do their job.”
“You are totally insane.”
“I thought we already established this.” Luke expressed amusement with an undercover giggle. He couldn’t seem to contain it though.
“You and your mouth,” Luke laughed.
“Sure you laugh at him now but wait until he gets on your nerves,” Danny expressed.
“Well when he steps on your last nerve, somehow Bo adds some sort of humor to make you like him again.” Luke grabbed onto a rock and put another peg in. He put the rope in it. “That’s why you can never stay mad at the guy.”
“Yep, I am just loveable,” Bo commented. He climbed faster up the rope. Bo hit Luke in the leg.
“Owe! What was that for?”
“Going on my rope. You’re making me climb slowly and I can’t stand it.”
“It is your fault.”
“Why? You were the one that packed the rope.”
“Well you caught me.”
“I couldn’t let you die now could I?”
“Well then you should be honored that I am on this rope instead of dead on the ground.” Bo rubbed his chin.
“Yeah I should, shouldn’t I?” Bo hit Luke’s leg again. “Still, I want you to hurry yourself up.”
“Well I am still stunned Bo.”
“Well shake it off, cousin.”
“Stop it both of you,” Danny expressed.
“Stay out of it Danny,” Luke growled.
“Yeah Danny,” Bo added.
“Then stop fighting.” Now I wonder, is this goanna keep continuing all day? I guess we’ll have to see huh? Hold on y’all, I know this is a busy time ain’t it.
Well I figured that watching those boys dig would be too much even for you. Especially since they had their shirts off. I ain’t goanna watch girls wipe the drool off their faces. It ain’t a pretty sight for a woman.
So, let’s skip ahead y’all. They have the chest and are goanna lower it down right—now. You see that? Two ropes on this sucker. Luke wanted to make sure it didn’t do a double turn like they did.
Dodger and Cooter grabbed the chest from below. Danny and Luke climbed down one line. Bo, being the impatient one, went down the other. Cooter stared at Luke.
“What?” Luke asked.
“How was it like?” Cooter questioned him.
“What are you talking about?”
“Falling like that, how was it? Did you feel a rush?”
“Nah, Luke is a virgin to good adventure,” Bo cut in, before Luke could talk. Luke was about to make a comeback but he saw the sirens going.
“Oh great, how did he find out about this?” Luke asked.
“Who cares, if we want this in a museum, then we better rush.” Bo threw the chest inside the General Lee. Cooter and Dodger got in with him.
“We’ll keep in contact y’all. Split—maybe he’ll follow the wrong car,” Cooter replied.
“Alright,” Danny said as Jesse got into General Two. He jumped into the Jeep and began to go. Well, everyone split off. Boss Hogg figured this would happen once they got to the treasure.
He had planned it pretty well. Following Car one, the General Lee one was Roscoe P. Coltrane. Following Car two, Dolly, was Enos Strait. Following Car number three, General Lee two, was Boss Hogg himself.
Now this is confusing don’t you think? Just be happy you ain’t driving any of the cars y’all. I am sure grateful. Car one had the goods in it. However, the wrong driver was with them. Roscoe almost had an accident when he went to church.
“We have the chest,” Cooter reminded him.
“He knows that,” Dodger replied.
“Well I am just saying that we have got Roscoe on our tail. How the heck are we goanna get out of this?”
“Look, Bo is thinking about it, Cooter, he knows what he is doing.”
“Dodge, you know that if he doesn’t get us out of this, the treasure is Boss Hogg’s fortune and not ours.”
“It ain’t ours,” Bo cut in. He saw a dip and took the jump. “It is a treasure that should be seen by everyone.” General Lee landed. “I ain’t goanna let him get it though. I know what he’ll do with it.”
“So do you have a plan then Bo?”
“You goanna fill us in on it?”
“Oh come on Bo, can’t you talk with more than one word.”
“Yes Cooter.” Cooter rolled his eyes. Dodger couldn’t help but laugh.
“You are such a Duke.”
“Yup.” Now Bo had a plan that would work if done right. He drove into the open truck ahead, loosing Roscoe. Now the biggest thing was not to bump into the other following cars. If Bo could manage that then he would be okay.
Roscoe went right passed the large truck, not even asking if those boys had been seen. Bo backed up and went through the field. There was a small body of water that he began driving through.
“You’re goanna need a tune-up after this, come and see us,” Dodger said.
“Sure will,” Bo replied.
“Good stuff.” Bo drove pretty well. He looked down at the rocky area.
“Dodge pick me up some stones will ya?”
“Are you goanna keep driving?”
“Okay buddy.” Dodger slid himself out of the car. Cooter moved up closer to his brother, holding his legs. As Dodger would grab a rock, he would pass it to Cooter.
They grabbed about five of them. Soon, Dodger was back in the General and Bo was speeding fast once again. Not bad for Hazzard County huh?
He continued to drive, right into town. He parked in front of Hazzard restaurant. Cooter and Dodger had no idea what Bo was planning. Heck I didn’t at first either.
“Bo, this is no time to be thinking about food,” Cooter remarked. Bo began to laugh. Cooter didn’t get it.
“Be right back, okay?” Bo asked. Dodger on the other hand was just getting into his plan.
“Yeah sure,” Dodger replied. Bo got out of the General Lee and ran into the restaurant.
“Where is he going?” Cooter asked.
“To sweet talk a waitress.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Simple, he needs something.”
“Like what? A hot sandwich? Dang, he always thinks of girls and food.”
“And cars…but this time he hasn’t any of those on his mind. This boy has a mission.”
“Oh you’ll see.”
“I don’t wanna see, I wanna know what is going on.”
“You’ll see Cooter. You need to be patient even though I know that is not in your nature at all.” Cooter growled at his younger brother. He hated when Dodger was right.
Not even five minutes later, Bo was back out of the restaurant. He had a big smile on his face. You know, that boy could charm his way out of prison if there was a lady cop present.
I guess that’s just the way he was. I like him for that you know? Bo is quite the character. Look at what he has in his hands, a chest…a toy chest for the kiddies when they come to the restaurant.
“Dang Bo, that’s smart,” Cooter remarked.
“We’ll drop the regular one off at the museum and fill this one with the rocks you grabbed,” Bo replied.
“I told you bro. Bo has more in his head than hair,” Dodger announced.
“I’ll never doubt you again Bo.”
“Good,” Bo replied.
“Just remember not to screw up,” Dodger added. Cooter laughed. Bo handed Dodger the chest and got into the General Lee.
The drive from here to the museum wasn’t very far but Bo wasn’t willing to just walk the chest over there. I mean this sucker was full of gold and jewels. I wouldn’t risk it either. Besides that, the danged thing would be heavy.
Bo stopped in front of the museum. He and Dodger got out of the car. Cooter moved in the driver’s seat—just in case they had to make a getaway…you know, the fast type. Dodger and Bo had no problems dropping it off.
General Lee one decided to play a little shuck and jive with Roscoe, Enos and Boss Hogg. This was goanna get a little tricky y’all. As Cooter drove up to Boss’ car, Bo held up the chest. Boss’ eyes widened. Now my eyes would expand too.
Cooter turned the car completely around. Bo began laughing. “Now that’s showing him Cooter,” Dodger said.
“Well this is just the beginning. You know exactly where Boss is goanna be heading,” Bo added.
“Yes and we’re goanna confuse the heck out of Luke.”
“Which is something I am good at, don’t you think?”
“You are the champion of it,” Cooter replied.
“He is great at it for sure.”
“Bo you could make a career out of it.”
“I could do that,” Bo answered. Dodger and Cooter began laughing.
“Now this is adventure.” General Lee was heading toward the others. Boss was following General Lee one now.
Now remember, General Lee two was the one Boss was following before. You can imagine what Luke and Jesse were thinking. Heck if I didn’t see Bo grab the other chest, I would be having the same thoughts about the exact same thing.
“Does Bo wanna blow our cover?” Luke asked. Yup, just what I thought he would say.
“I don’t know, but I am goanna make sure he doesn’t yield,” Jesse replied.
“A little Duke Power.” Jesse grabbed the CB. He held it up to his white beard. “This is Shepard to lost Sheep two, have you lost your mind, over?”
“Why howdy Shepard this is Lost sheep two speaking of being sane as the day I was born. Don’t worry the package is safe, this one is just a present to Boss,” Bo replied over the CB. Jesse smiled.
“Well then, play catch, Hazzard style.”
“10-4 Uncle Jesse.”
“10-4 and out.” Jesse put the CB down and took a quick look over at Luke. “How close can you get this thing to General one?”
“I could get you in the trunk if you want.”
“Can you drive backwards.” Luke smiled.
“You taught me how.” Jesse smiled and then began laughing. Luke turned his car around and began driving really fast backwards. Bo handed him the chest. Luke put the General Lee two into drive.
In Boss Hogg’s car he shook his head. “I wish these dang Dukes would make up their minds,” He commented. Boss Hogg turned the car around, following General Lee one. He picked up his CB. “Roscoe, where are you, come back?”
“This is Roscoe P. Coltrane coming in live little fat buddy Gig-jit, what do you need? Come back?” Roscoe answered over the CB.
“I am behind the chest, going towards Chickasaw County get your fanny over there and create a road block.”
“Don’t you but Boss me, just do it! You too Enos.”
“Yes sir Mister Boss Hogg I’ll get there as fast as I can Boss Hogg. HA! I’m gone,” Enos announced.
Back in General Lee two, they saw Dolly coming up fast. Jesse took the chest and passed it to her. Daisy was thrilled to have the box. “Danny, good driving,” Daisy announced.
“Thanks Daisy. You are a pretty hot driver yourself,” Danny replied.
“YAHOOOOO, here we go.” Now Boss was following her. Daisy grabbed her CB. “This is Bo Peep to the Dukes and Davenports of the Hazzardnet, we got the goods and we got a Hogg on our tail.”
“This is two sheep one, you keep on heading, we’re goanna go attack the bears,” Luke replied over the CB. He continued to head towards Chickasaw County. Roscoe and Enos were covering the roadway. They both had their hands out, signaling Luke to stop.
Instead, Luke turned right around and went the other way. Now Roscoe and Enos began following General Lee Two. This is pretty funny y’all.
“Breaker, breaker, Hazzard County police department, ya around?” Boss Hogg said over the CB.
“Yes Boss, I am listening,” Roscoe announced on the CB frequency.
“Me too Boss,” Enos added, while also talking on his CB.
“Y’all are following the wrong goose. Get after Daisy Duke. She is going towards Sweetwater County—which is the opposite way,” Boss Hogg announced. Just as Boss said that, Daisy passed the Chest off to General Lee one who turned towards the Duke farm.
“10-4 Boss, we’ll head to the Duke farm Boss Ha! I’m gone.”
“No, disregard what I said, General Lee has it now.”
“Which one Boss?” Roscoe asked.
“The—orange one…who cares which one. Just get over to the Duke farm.”
“Yes Boss.” Now General one stopped. Everyone got out and went into the house. Boss Hogg followed. Enos and Roscoe stopped next. Roscoe had his gun out.
“Don’t shoot, we’ll give you the chest,” Bo commented, handing him the toy chest.
“Remember boys, I always win,” Boss replied. Dodger and Cooter just managed to keep a straight face long enough for Boss to leave. They all started laughing.
Now let’s see…everyone got an A plus on the book report except for Donny Frank who tried to copy his friend’s answers. Bo had him read a new book, the school code of honor.
Danny promised to be Daisy’s personal driver so she could have some adventure. This made her happy. You can see it in her face.
Boss Hogg—well when he opened that chest, he was crying. Especially when he found out the Dukes had donated it to the museum. Why? Well they did it in his name which meant he wouldn’t have it stolen from the museum.
Well that’s the end to a perfect day—in Hazzard County.