by: Essy Jane
You came back! How wonderful. I do have more stories to tell you. Y’all will be impressed beyond belief. You do know how many wonderful tales there are in Hazzard County, don’t you now? Well I have hundreds of them.
You see that smoke trailing down the road? Well if you look through that there smog being made by the Harley-Davison motorcycle, you will see Miss Tizdale—popping a wheelie.
Now friends, didn’t I tell you Hazzard was special? Okay, now watch as she makes her entrance. She parked pretty well for an older lady working a motorbike. Emma-Lee got off of the bike and took off her helmet. She straightened her hair and pulled down her skirt. She pushed her glasses up just enough. Miss Tizdale grabbed hold of the package.
Emma walked into the house and looked at Jesse who was sitting at the table. The boys were all around with him. “Uh hoo, Jesse—there’s a package for you from some publishing company. Oh and I brought you some more stamps, I thought you would be running low,” Emma began.
“Why thank you Emmer—thank you very much. Now, can I have my package please?” Jesse questioned.
“Not until I see some identification.”
“You want ID from me? You have seen me every single day for three years.”
“Doesn’t matter Jesse, rules are rules and I intend on following them. Now take out the ID Jesse.” Now you can imagine the set the man was in. After all, even the boys knew how Miss Tizdale had a crush on him. Jesse was the only one she was after. Even Daisy figured it out on her second day.
“Now come on Jesse, you wouldn’t wanna get little ol me in trouble would you now?” Jesse took out his ID. “Now that’s better. Anyway, the art of the mail is calling my name. Enjoy your breakfast—Jesse, Luke, Daisy and Bo.” Emma-Lee gave him the package along with the usual, stamps with hearts all over them. Now Miss Tizdale was gone before you could say Bob’s your fat belated Uncle. She knew that Jesse wouldn’t be happy about the stamps, and their little frills.
“Confounded woman did it to me again.” Daisy and Bo giggled while Luke tried to be mature. Jesse shook his head. “I give you permission to laugh at me, Luke.” Now Luke finally opened his mouth, laughing away—whelp, he knows funny when he sees it.
“What’s in the box Uncle Jesse?” Daisy asked.
“I don’t reckon I know, Daisy girl.”
“Well open it.” Bo and Luke stared at each other smiling. Jesse didn’t pay any attention to it. They were smiling away though and you know that them two are up to something. “I really wanna see what’s in there.”
“Alright.” Jesse took off the brown paper and grabbed his keys. He slid the key along the tape and it opened as if by magic. There was a bunch of Styrofoam inside covering the object.
“Come on Uncle Jesse, hurry up.” He picked up a book. Bo and Luke stood up and began to walk away.
“HOLD IT!” Bo and Luke turned around. “When did y’all do this?”
“Well you see Uncle Jesse, we saw it lying there collecting dust. A book should be released not kept under wraps,” Bo replied.
“When did you do this?” Luke’s head lowered. Jesse smiled and walked over to his boys. He put them both in a hug. “This is the best thing anyone could have ever done for me.”
“We didn’t read it. We just sent it in,” Luke answered.
“Before my Laurel died, she told me to write a book about the stories I tell my boys.”
“Yeah, all about the older Bo and Luke. Well here it is—The Dukes of Hazzard.”
“Can you read it to us Uncle Jesse?” Daisy questioned. Jesse smiled and shook his head.
“You really wanna hear my stories about my Dad?”
“Well of course we do,” Bo answered.
“We wanna hear the action,” Luke said.
“About the girls.”
“How they built the General Lee.”
“Tell us—no, tell me. Tell me Uncle Jesse ‘bout the good ol days,” Daisy cut in. Jesse smiled. He couldn’t believe how much his boys wanted to hear of old adventures. Times where mystery rained out through the land.
Where the entire world seemed to come into Hazzard one person at a time. This place always had been filled with mystery and I don’t mean like Mama’s meatloaf.
They all sat down in the living room. Bo and Luke curled up in the couch. Daisy sat down in one of two of the easy chairs. Jesse took the other chair. He opened up the book and cleared his throat as he took his boys back on an adventure they wouldn’t soon forget…
* * *
The day was tranquil, unruffled by the customary sounds and uncertainties of the large cities. The trees waved in the wind, wailing the names of those who lived within their serene palace. The animals tickled them with every movement. Some beating holes into their bark.
To most, this would be like a hushed town. A place where one would go to unwind, to kick back and enjoy the weather. The sun constantly shone down on this place. The light warmed the hearts of many.
The light dirt roads were like something you would see in a picture. People walking in the distance. Some hiking and others going for a dip. Hazzard County wasn’t like most places though. If you looked around you, you could tell.
Like for example, Miss Emma Tizdale, the overexcited mail lady. You have never met a character like this one. She looked like a classic Grandmother. Emma’s hair was done up in a twisted bun, she would fix it ever so carefully.
She wore a variety of flower printed dresses. Emma had tiny little glasses placed at the half way point on her nose. She had a very cheery disposition.
She was an outstanding individual that Emma. Frequently you would see this older woman popping wheelies in the middle of the road. She would request for your ID even if she knew you for years and years. Emma was all about regulation when it came to delivering the mail.
Yes this woman was an attention-grabbing individual. Emma always seemed to be doing things that were expected of her. She worked hard to keep her reputation, hip Miss Tizdale. Still, Emma Tizdale wasn’t the only interesting character in Hazzard County.
Meet Jefferson-Davis Hogg. He is the most ruthless man you have ever laid eyes on. Looking at him, you wouldn’t think so. Jefferson-Davis Hogg looked like a man who was stuck into a marshmallow costume. His hair poked out from a white cowboy hat.
Jefferson-Davis, or JD as he prefers to be called, was not any typical man either. JD believed in two things, money and food. Other than that, everything else was a fairy tale made up to make him think.
He has an extremely distinctive sheriff, Sheriff Roscoe Pervis Coltrane. This man has had more than his share of…
* * *
“Woe hold it! Miss Tizdale rides a motorcycle? What are you doing, rewriting a page of our lives?” Bo questioned.
“Haven’t you ever read Grandpa’s journals?” Daisy asked.
“I didn’t have time for that. I was always busy. Besides, I never heard anything about Miss Tizdale.”
“That’s because you never asked about them.”
“That and because all he thinks about are girls and cars all the time,” Luke laughed. Bo growled at his cousin.
“Why I outta…” Bo began—well that is until Uncle Jesse cleared his throat. Bo shrunk down almost immediately. Now that’s respect.
“Y’all are interrupting the story,” Jesse mumbled.
“Sorry about that.”
“You always were an impatient young man. Always wanting your questions answered right away.” Bo smiled weakly. Jesse started laughing. “You wouldn’t be a Duke if you weren’t like that.”
“Yeah I wouldn’t would I?”
“You are too much like your…”
“You got it, Bo. You are just like your dear old Grandfather. Well, sometimes I used to think he was perfect too until he told me these stories.”
“You thought he was perfect?”
“We all think our elders are. Do y’all think I am perfect?”
“Oh yeah. You seem to make less mistakes than anyone I know in Hazzard County.”
“That’s because I learned from past mistakes.”
“So, I will look smart too?”
“You sure will. You will look amazingly smart to your kids.”
“If I have them.”
“Oh you’ll have them. Believe me, you will have them and love them. Now, we should get back to the story.”
“Alright but can I ask a favor before we do?”
“Sure, why not.”
“Can we skip the descriptive junk?” Jesse gave his nephew the look. I would have too. Them boys are impatient…I bet you they would rather wait for the TV show to come out. Don’t you think? I sure do.
* * *
He has an extremely distinctive sheriff, Sheriff Roscoe Pervis Coltrane—more known in these parts as just plain old Roscoe P. Coltrane. This man has had more than his share of hard times. Not to mention encounters with the one and only Boss Hogg—JD Hogg that is.
You see, ever since Boss Hogg took away Roscoe’s pension, ol Roscoe has been dirtier than a pair of socks in a corn field. Although he is no longer an honest law man, Roscoe is still generally a well loved character.
He is known for his walk. Roscoe leans forward all the time. He has his shoulders pushed in. Roscoe’s elbows are usually bent. When you see Sheriff Coltrane, you can tell it is him by the uniform. He loves that uniform more than any other article of clothing.
Roscoe has a beautiful basset hound named Flash. JD Hogg hates this pooch more than anything. Why? Well Roscoe’s dog sleeps a lot. However, when Boss Hogg is anywhere near Flash, the hound barks and growls. The reason she does that is that she can sense the ruthlessness in Boss Hogg.
Flash isn’t the only one on Roscoe’s police force. His deputy Enos Strait is what you would call a good egg all around. He seems to have all the stuff down. Whelp except that he is known as the oldest virgin in Hazzard County. Hard title to get rid of. No one cares though, they all love the guy.
If you think these characters are interesting, you should meet the Dukes. The Dukes have been around in Hazzard ever since…well since the pioneer times. This land has been through eight Generations of Dukes—well six at this time. There are numerous of the Dukes that have moved on to other places.
Bo and Luke Duke are known in these parts as the Duke Boys. They exchange blows with the system. Bo and Luke help people with any injustice that you can possibly think of. Think of them as the neighborhood watch. They almost always seem to be on the right path.
Bo and Luke are on probation. They ran moonshine when they were younger and were caught. I imagine you think that is pretty funny considering they fight for the good of people but you must remember this is Hazzard County. Things are done differently here. Besides, moonshine running has been going on for years. The Dukes have the best corn whiskey recipe ever. It is famous.
However, after Bo and Luke were finished running moonshine. The whole Duke family made a promise not to run any more in exchange for Bo and Luke’s freedom. So Bo and Luke were released from prison—in exchange, they received probation.
Bo and Luke are very distinct people. Bo has blonde hair and blue eyes. He is tall and seems pretty wild for the most part. Bo has two great loves, women and cars. Ever since he was younger, Bo Duke has dreamed about going to the NASCAR circuit. However, probation seemed to tie him down. Well that and because he loves Hazzard.
Luke Duke is a little more restrained than his cousin Bo. He has brown hair and blue eyes. Luke went through the Marines and fought in Vietnam. he learned a lot of tricks and such that came in very handy in Hazzard County. He is very into cars as well.
Luke loves women just as much as Bo but keeps his feelings on a leash for the main part. Besides, with his looks women chase him. It makes him feel a lot better.
Luke has a brother named Judd Kane…also known as Killer Kane in the boxing ring. He is also very talented when it comes to boxing. The two seemed to get along great. The brothers see each other from time to time.
Daisy Duke, she is Bo and Luke’s cousin. Daisy has attracted more men to her than a magnet attracts metal. She is a high strung lovely lady with the ability to become anything she wants to be. Daisy is an amazing dancer with great legs. She has long brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. She works for Boss Hogg but it all turns out.
Jesse Duke is the patriarch of the family. He always seems to be helping those boys out whether they deserve it or not. Jesse loves those boys more than anything else in the world. He really is supportive and helps them out with everything they need.
Without him, they would be up the tree. Bo and Luke listen to Jesse mostly out of respect. The other half of why they pay attention to him is because he really could whoop both Bo and Luke if he wanted to.
There are a few members of the Duke family that weren’t mentioned. The first one is called the General Lee. He is orange and has four wheels. You were expecting a human? Well, the Dukes have always considered The General Lee as a member of their family. Ever since General Lee had come into their lives, adventures have been plentiful.
Another member of the family was Dixie. No, she’s not a person either. Dixie is Daisy’s favorite friend. They have had a close relationship since Daisy got her. Dixie is white with an eagle painted on the front.
Then there’s Jesse’s pickup truck. His has been left nameless but this is still a noble machine. That one has been used for everything from hay to oil tins. Jesse’s pickup is white but you can see what the sands of time has done to his truck.
Right now, Bo and Luke are about to go through an adventure. This being Hazzard County, exciting activities are never truly scarce. As the trees seemed to climb forever, so did the Dukes.
Speaking of trees Bo was tied to the top of a giant tree, one of the tallest in Hazzard County. He kept trying to get himself free but it didn’t seem to be working. Who in their right mind would tie someone to a tree? Bo thought to himself. He shook his head.
Luke had become worried he had been looking for his cousin anxiously. Cooter, a friend of the family, had been searching for this young man all day. They soon decided to combine their efforts seeing how Jesse and Daisy were working together.
Bo didn’t show up for a previous commitment, fixing a fence. Before that, he was supposed to go hunting. Now one thing you can usually count on is a Duke’s word. So when a Duke doesn’t show up, people question what is going on.
As Luke and Cooter continued to search the woods and such, Bo saw the top of his cousin’s head. You can imagine the excitement going through Bo’s mind. “Hey cousin, over here,” Bo yelled. Luke looked up at him, incredibly shocked with that was going on.
“How the heck did you get up there?” Luke questioned. Bo smiled and began laughing.
“Can we worry about that when you get me down?” Luke and Cooter began climbing the tree.
“You decided you would become a monkey?” Cooter asked.
“Real cute, Cooter. Will you just get up here?” Both finally got up, they cut the ropes from either side of Bo. He slid down into their arms. “Sorry, I guess when you loose all feeling in your arms and legs…”
“Bo, don’t explain.”
“Alright, I won’t.”
“How long have you been hanging there?” Luke questioned. Cooter laughed and shook his head. Luke hoisted Bo onto his shoulder. Bo held on as they began to climb down the tree.
“Well Luke, I think it was about all day. How long did it take you to find me?”
“Bo you are crazy you know that?” Bo nodded softly, not wanting to cause a fight. They finally made it to the ground. Luke put his cousin down softly. Bo pushed himself up a little.
“That’s better,” He remarked.
“Now you can tell us what happened.”
“Richard Petty was driving through Hazzard County!” Luke and Cooter looked at each other and laughed. “No really, he was driving through Hazzard County and…”
“Bo, I think you have been in the sun way too long,” Cooter commented.
“Yeah no kidding, Cooter,” Luke answered.
“Yeah why would someone as famous as Richard Petty would be driving through Hazzard County?”
“No kidding Bo, he is one of the top racers in the country.”
“Look, I don’t care what y’all say—I was racing with him today,” Bo cut in. Cooter and Luke laughed even harder than before.
“That’s a good one Bo,” Luke replied.
“Well I did. I don’t care if y’all don’t believe in me. He was there, big as life.”
“Sunglasses and cowboy hat were on like normal?”
“Uh huh. He had the moustache and all.”
“Now why would someone like that race you?” Bo rolled his eyes. Unlike most people, he hated to explain himself.
“He had a flat, I helped him. I asked him if he wanted to race.”
“Okay, aside from all jokes, that don’t explain why you were in the tree,” Cooter cut in.
“Someone shot out…”
* * *
“Wait a minute!” Bo exclaimed. He pulled out his NASCAR necklace. He spun it around; flashing it at everyone “This was engraved by Richard Petty to Grandpa.” Luke growled and shook his head.
“Quit interrupting the story!” Luke exclaimed.
“Be quiet Lukas.”
“Don’t call me that Beauregard.” Bo’s eyes widened. Now if you know anything about this young man you know that Bo Duke hates his full name. He wishes he could have just been named Bo but his father didn’t agree.
“How dare you call me that name, Lukas!”
“Well you started it!”
“Stop it boys! Y’all are acting like you were two,” Daisy announced. Bo and Luke stared at each other and began to laugh.
“Yeah you’re right Daisy, we are acting like we are two ain’t we?” Luke questioned.
“You sure are.” Bo smiled and shrugged. “Well shake up and make up.”
“Sure thing, Daisy, I wouldn’t wanna mess up anything.” Luke looked back over at his cousin. “I am sorry for calling you that name.”
“And…?” Bo questioned.
“And, I am sorry for telling you that you were wrecking the story.”
“Apology accepted.” Jesse cleared his throat as the room went quiet. “I’m sorry for calling you ugly.”
“You didn’t say that.”
“Oh—okay.” Luke shook his head and Daisy started laughing.
“Apology accepted for thinking it.”
“Uncle Jesse, was the NASCAR necklace from…?”
“Yes Bo, this was given to your Grandfather by Richard Petty,” Jesse replied.
“Well tell me then how did he get it?”
“Bo, you have to listen to find that one out.”
“I want to know!” Jesse shook his head. “Open up the bible beside you Bo.”
“Don’t question me, just do it.” Bo grabbed the bible. He growled away. Then again, I would too. “Now open up the Old Testament.”
“Okay.” Bo flipped open to the Old Testament. “I am there. Now what?”
“Open up to Lamentations chapter three verse five.” Bo mumbled under his breath for a second but did as his Uncle told him to do. “Now what does it say?”
“The lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.” Jesse tilted his head looking at his nephew for a second. “Yeah, I get it. Patience is a virtue.”
“That’s right boy.”
“You’re testing my virtue, Uncle Jesse.”
“Well good, a test is a way to see how you are doing. Let’s see how patient you can be.” Daisy and Luke giggled softly. “As for you two, don’t laugh at your cousin or you can white wash the fence. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes sir,” Daisy and Luke said at the same time.
“Now where was I?” Jesse thought for a minute. “Oh yeah, I remember now.” Jesse began to fumble through the pages until he found the right one. “This is it, now to find where I am…ah.” Jesse cleared his throat.
All the Dukes got comfortable where they were sitting. Now don’t you think they should have popcorn? It ain’t a good story without popcorn.
* * *
“Okay, aside from all jokes, that don’t explain why you were in the tree,” Cooter cut in.
“Someone shot out his tires.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“So this whole thing wasn’t a joke?” Luke asked.
“Of course it wasn’t.”
“Why would they wanna shoot out his tire?”
“Well Luke, turns out the first flat tire were no accident.”
“Well, how do you know that?”
“Simple, the bad guys told me.”
“What did they tell you?”
“When I helped him fix the tire, they were hoping that I would go away. However, I stayed. So, they shot out his tire again and then mine.”
“That still doesn’t explain the tree,” Cooter added.
“Nope, it don’t,” Luke answered.
“Well, I saw what they looked like. They didn’t want me coming after him. I know where they’re going though,” Bo answered. He pushed back his blonde hair.
“How is it that you know where they are going?”
* * *
The sirens began wailing in the background. They were pretty distant but still, Luke and Bo could hear them. Then again folks, if you were chased by the law that many times, you would hear them too.
“Oh great, what did we do now?” Bo questioned.
“I ain’t sure but we better high tail it out of here,” Luke replied. Bo got up.
“It ain’t even noon yet!”
“Oh like Boss would wait until lunch is over to catch us. Probably planning something.”
“Well let’s get going.”
“Alright.” Bo ran out to the General Lee and started up the engine. Luke grabbed the book from Uncle Jesse and got in behind them. Now.
“What took you so long?” Bo yelled.
“Oh relax, we’re getting out of here so I wouldn’t worry about it,” Luke replied. Bo put it into drive and hit it.
“Luke how dare you tell me to relax! You are takin’ too long and Roscoe’s on our tail. A few more minutes and…”
“Oh come on Bo, just cool it already. You know, that’s the one thing that bugs me about you, cousin. You keep on dwellin’ on things that are finished. It is over, lighten up.”
“How can I lighten up when I don’t know what I did? Besides, this is anywhere from finished. Especially with us not knowing the charge.”
“We probably loitered or something unintelligent like that.”
“Stupid? To Roscoe, nothing is stupid. He would arrest us for saying his charge is stupid.” Luke began laughing. He shook his head. “Well its true ain’t it?”
“Yup and that’s what makes it so funny.” Bo shook his head as he drove faster. Roscoe was still pretty far behind them—Enos wasn’t too far behind Roscoe though.
Now friends, hold on alright? I know it is a bit of a wait but heck it is worth it. The Dukes do wanna hear the rest of the story and so do I.
I told you it wouldn’t be long didn’t I? Don’t blame me, Roscoe just has bad timing. Then again, I don’t think he has timing at all. Anyway, enough about my opinions, let’s get back to the Dukes.
Bo was madder than a dog with ticks. He was so upset that he could spit. Roscoe basically ruined it for him. There the Dukes were having a nice morning when Roscoe had to go and ruin it.
Now friends and neighbors I would be upset too. After all, Jesse Duke tells one amazing story. He always seems to bring them to life.
“I just can’t believe it Luke, I really can’t believe it,” Bo said as he stopped the General. “Here we are at the Indian caves and the story is back at the farm.”
“Is that all you’re thinking about? Roscoe is out looking for us for whatever the heck we did and you are worried about a story?” Luke questioned.
“Well Luke, I guess I shouldn’t be worrying about it.”
“I suppose not.” Luke began to laugh.
“What is so funny? Do I have something on my nose?” Luke grabbed the book and showed it to Bo. Bo had a grin that went ear to ear. “Well dang it Luke, where’d you get that from?”
“Why do you think I was right behind you?” Bo smiled and shook his head. Luke is pretty smart now ain’t he?
“You sly dog you.”
“I am pretty good ain’t I?”
“How did you get Uncle Jesse to part with it?”
“Didn’t you notice there were two books in the box?” Bo shook his head no. “Well there were. Daisy and Jesse are goanna read it while on the way to town.”
“You’re better than good.”
“Why do you think I graduated with honors?”
“Well I know now. You are the smartest cat I know.”
“Now, do you want me to read the legend of our family or are you goanna keep on squawking?”
“Read it Luke, come on, please?”
“Alright Bo, now keep your mouth closed for a while okay? I mean is that clear?”
“Crystal clear, Luke.” Luke shook his head. Bo smiled as he hid the General in some bushes. After covering him very good, Luke opened up the book and flipped the pages. He pointed to the page they were on.
* * *
“That still doesn’t explain the tree,” Cooter added.
“Nope, it don’t,” Luke answered.
“Well, I saw what they looked like. They didn’t want me coming after him. I know where they’re going though,” Bo answered. He pushed back his blonde hair.
“How is it that you know where they are going?” Bo smiled and shrugged.
“Think of it as Duke luck—well that or those are the worse baddies in the world. They’re in capital city.” Luke slapped his head with a flat palm. He shook his head.
“Bo, you seem to be forgetting that we’re on probation.”
“I know we are but…”
“If Boss Hogg sees us out of Hazzard County, we’s in big trouble.” Bo’s eyes shifted from side to side. He smiled the smile of a chessy cat.
“Then we better not let him see us.” Luke shook his head as he sat down beside his cousin.
“I ain’t risking my probation because of you. The police will find him.”
“Well we can’t leave him there Luke!”
“Yeah, we’re supposed to have Boss Hogg wave our probation.” Bo smiled, this time it was bigger than before. Luke scratched his head. “What are you thinking?”
“It’s Richard Petty. We can convince Boss Hogg to turn a blind eye our probation if let’s say Richard will race the General Lee?”
“Who would wanna see a race between two people?”
“Uncle Jesse could race in the other car.”
“Now first of all, we don’t have two cars.”
“Hello? Cooter has been working on one in his spare time. I know it would be an honor for him.”
“Umm, first of all, y’all don’t need to talk about me as if I wasn’t here. Next, yes, it would be an honor if Uncle Jesse drove my car,” Cooter announced.
“See now, it all works out, Luke. I am sure that Richard would rather not die…he would rather do what he does best.” Luke nodded.
“Fine, we’ll try your crazy idea. But if we still get arrested…” Luke began.
“We won’t get arrested, I promise.”
“That’s not a valid promise but I guess if we’s goanna save the king we’re goanna do it right.”
Now it was time for Bo to test out this innovative strategy. Luke was thinking long and hard about his cousin’s plan. He still was sure this wasn’t going to work. Boss Hogg is a dangerous person to mess with. Bo was going to really test him.
After changing their tire and saying goodbye to Cooter, they drove into town to meet up with the Sheriff and the famous Boss Hogg. Roscoe couldn’t believe the boys had just walked into the room willingly. Boss Hogg had the same look on his face.
“So, you have come in to arrest yourselves? Khee! Ooo, that’s a good one huh little fat buddy?” Roscoe began. He pinched Boss Hogg’s cheeks. Bo and Luke began laughing as Boss Hogg slapped Roscoe.
“How dare you touch my genius face,” Boss Hogg growled. Roscoe put his hands down by his side. His eyes shifted. “Well what are you two doing here?”
“A full-sized calamity has taken place. You see Boss Hogg, Richard Petty has been taken prisoner,” Bo announced. Boss Hogg’s eyes widened. You see, Boss too was a fan of this man.
“Richard Petty? Well don’t just stand there Duke Boys, go and save him.”
“Now Boss, we would but he’s in Capital City,” Luke cut in.
“I don’t care if he is in the North Pole, you will go and grab him. You will…”
“We will what? If we step one foot out of Hazzard County you will revoke our probation.”
“No I won’t.”
“Boss, we wanna make a deal, go ahead Bo.”
“You sign a contract with us in triplicate,” Bo commented.
“In front of witnesses.”
“In front of witnesses you won’t sit there and control. And in return…”
“In return, we will bring him back here to sign autographs and race here in Hazzard County.”
“With Uncle Jesse and us.”
“I will on one condition,” Boss Hogg announced.
“Okay, what’s that?”
“I get to race too.” Bo and Luke smiled at each other. Boss Hogg cleared his throat, bringing the attention back on him. “I mean I have always wanted to race with the King of the circuit. You boys will make it happen or I will put you in the pokey.”
“We understand Boss,” Luke said.
“We’ll get him here,” Bo replied.
“Good, now if you draw up the papers, y’all can go and get him. Don’t forget now, I get to race too,” Boss Hogg hissed.
* * *
“This is Shepard to Lost Sheep, Shepard to Lost Sheep are you in, come back?” Jesse questioned over the CB. Luke closed the book. “This is Shepard to Lost Sheep Shepard to Lost Sheep, I know you’re on this frequency, answer.” Bo ran outside. He pushed off a couple of the branches. Bo reached into the General. Bo grabbed the receiver of the CB.
“This is Lost Sheep two Shepard, what do you have for us, come back?” Bo questioned. Luke walked out and stood beside him.
“Well boys, according to Dodger and Cooter, someone stole Daisy’s jeep from their garage.”
“Shepard what does that have to do with us? I know that Daisy is goanna be upset with that but what does it have to do with us Dukes being chased?”
“While Dodger was reporting it to the police, Cooter saw it in front of the Bank. He was about to cross the street when two men in a mask grabbed the money.”
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“I wish I was Lost Sheep two. But unless we find the money, y’all are going to the pokey.”
“Well if we have two witnesses saying that Dolly was stolen…”
“You know Boss Hogg.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“You boys stay low until we can track these fellas. No use y’all getting caught.”
“Thanks, 10-4 Shepard.” Luke shook his head and sighed. Bo shrugged as he put the CB receiver down. Bo covered up the part of the General that was showing. “Yeah I know what you’re thinking cousin. How do we always get into these messes?”
“You said it cousin.”
“We might as well get back to the story. You know, since we’re goanna be here for a while.”
“I don’t feel much like reading right now.”
“Fine, I will read and you listen.”
“How can you read at time like this?”
“The real question is, how can you not? I loose my worries in a good book. Besides, this little adventure is pretty good.”
“You kill me sometimes Bo.” Bo walked back into the cave. “Are you walking away from me?” Bo kept on walking. Luke finally followed him.
“Relax for a while.”
“Alright, this is a switch.”
“Yup.” They laid back. Bo opened up the book. He pushed the pages down.
* * *
Bo and Luke now had to face the hardest part of their adventure, telling their Uncle Jesse. They drove down to the Duke Farm slowly. Bo normally did the driving but this time it was all Luke.
They knew what this was going to mean. Bo and Luke knew their uncle would not like this one but they had to. It was helping people—someone who was in trouble.
As they approached their Uncle Jesse, he seemed pretty content in the fields. He wore his usual worn overalls on. Jesse’s tan shirt was tucked in. It had two buttons undone. This revealed his long underwear which was a worn red.
“Well look who decided to come back home. Where were you Bo? You had me worried,” Jesse commented.
“Sorry sir, I’m in good health. Just got a little rope burn,” Bo replied, nervously. Jesse grabbed one of his wrists and pulled his arm towards him.
“You have a couple of cuts on your wrists from them. You should go in the house and clean up.” Bo stood there, just staring at his Uncle. “What is going on? You didn’t do something stupid did you?”
“Well…umm, define stupid.”
“Bo, what did you do?”
“Look we have to go to Capital City and…”
“That’s against your probation.”
“We settled that,” Luke mumbled.
“You don’t settle probation.”
“Don’t you Uncle Jesse me boy! Luke, y’all can’t talk about probation like it was a candy wrapper or a house. You can’t sell your probation or throw it in the garbage. It sticks with you until it is over and even then…”
“Boss Hogg agreed to look the other way while we went to Capital City,” Bo cut in.
“WHAT? Say that again, I must have had something wedged in my ear.”
“Boss says he will look away while we go to Capital city.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Simple Uncle Jesse, he wants to race with Richard Petty.” Jesse scratched his head. He crocked an eyebrow.
“I don’t get it, I really don’t.” The boys explained the situation to Jesse Duke, including the contract. “Alright well let’s go down there and get it dealt with.”
“Uncle Jesse, you’re the best,” Luke announced.
“I must be out of my mind to help y’all with a scheme like that.”
“You are the best.”
“I am goanna live to regret it.” He put his equipment down and walked towards Bo. “You need to get something on your wounds before we start this.”
After fixing up Bo’s wrists, the Dukes made it into town. They wrote up the contract in triplicate just as said. Jesse, Daisy, Enos and Cooter would be witnesses to this contract.
* * *
“I don’t get it, if our Great, Great Uncle didn’t believe in it, why did he do it?” Luke questioned. Bo smiled and shook his head. He couldn’t believe his cousin didn’t understand. “I mean it is not using your head.”
“Why does our Uncle Jesse help us out?” Bo asked.
“Because he loves and cares about us.” Luke shook his head unconscientiously. “No, I could never trust a Hogg. Great, Great Uncle Jesse knew that as well. A Hogg…”
“With the exception of Daisy senior and her family.”
“Yes, with the exception of them. Most of the Hogg family cannot be trusted.”
“They had no choice, Luke.”
“Sure they did.”
“Yeah, some choice. Leave their hero in the hands of criminals or make a contract with Boss Hogg.”
“Well Richard Petty has his family to help him. They would have gotten him out of it.”
“Yeah sure, you know better than that. Most baddies kill the people they kidnap.”
“Believe me when I say this Luke, I would have gone with the Boss Hogg action.”
“Having Boss Hogg as a probation officer is hard enough—now imagine us two trusting the guy.”
“Yeah I know that.”
“How could Grandpa even think about doing something like that?”
“Oh Luke, when you’re our age, ya take more risks.” Luke smiled. “Well don’t we take a lot of risks?”
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
“Well, ain’t we a lot alike then?” Luke nodded, as Bo became more comfortable. “You know, it is funny, a teacher just told me that history repeats itself. I didn’t really believe her until I read this story.”
“I guess Dukes are all alike, Bo. That is one thing we can always count on.” Bo yawned.
“Whelp, I don’t know about you but I am getting tired.”
“How can you be tired? It is the middle of the…” Luke yawned. “Okay, point taken. We’ll nap for a while. Is Uncle Jesse goanna be bringing us sleeping bags and that?”
“Nah, Cooter and Dodger are goanna stop by later.”
“That’s nice of them.”
“Well you know Cooter and Dodger, they always want to help out…” Another long winded yawn rolled out of Bo’s mouth. “Cooter and Dodger always want to help out their friends.”
“Are you that tired?”
“Yup, I am.”
“What did you do last night that made you so blessed tired?” Bo shrugged.
“Maybe hanging around you is exhausting.”
“You’re probably right. I have been around me all day and I feel tired too.” Bo began laughing he shook his head.
“You’re pretty funny.”
“Nah, you just caught me on one of my good…” Luke yawned. “One of my good days.”
“Now look who is yawning away?”
“I’ll admit it. I am tired too.” Whelp y’all; I guess we should let the Duke’s sleep. They already are closing their eyes. I told you y’all would like this story didn’t I? We’ll be back in a minute.
As Bo and Luke were reading the book, sure enough, Cooter and Dodger came. Now you know you have good friends when they help you in jams. Dodger had the sleeping bags tucked in both his hands. Cooter had a basket and a cooler full of food.
They walked into the cave. Bo looked up from the book. “Y’all need some food?” Cooter asked. Luke stood up and grabbed the supplies from his friend.
“Thank you so much,” Luke mumbled.
“Wasn’t a problem.”
“No really, we appreciate it.”
“I know y’all do. I wouldn’t do things for you boys if I knew you weren’t grateful.”
“I know you know that I know that I feel grateful.” Bo began laughing as he shook his head. Cooter looked too confused for words.
“Luke now that was plain weird. I don’t think you said that right.”
“Personally, I don’t think I did either.” Dodger began laughing with Bo. “Oh come on, I just woke up an hour ago, cut me some slack y’all.”
“How about some bags to keep you warm tonight?” Dodger asked. Bo stood up and grabbed the sleeping bags. He put them on the ground where he was sleeping before. “I know, you’re welcome—you don’t need to say it.”
“What are y’all doing to keep entertained? I am bored and I just got here.”
“Well I am.”
“You don’t have to say it.”
“When I have something to say, I say it.”
“You’re crazy! You are really crazy.”
“I thought we established that one already. I maybe crazy but I…”
“Ain’t dumb I get it.”
“Crazy Cooter comin’ at ya.” Dodger rolled his eyes. He shook his head. Dodger crossed his arms as he glared at his older brother. “What is wrong with you now? Did I do something to offend you?”
“Cooter, you’s taking me around in circles again.”
“Get used to it bro. I take everyone in circles, what makes you any different.”
“I’ll get used to you taking me in circles when you stop being rude.”
“I wasn’t being bad-mannered, Dodger. I was just speaking my mind.”
“Most of everything that comes out of that mind is mean.”
“It ain’t mean, just my opinion.”
“You call that an opinion? I call that…”
“That’s okay Dodger, Cooter’s allowed to express his opinion. Yes, we do have some nice entertainment. Go off and hide your truck and we’ll show ya,” Bo replied.
“Alright…I guess I will.” Dodger went off and picked up the truck. He took it to some bushes and ran back. They all sat down in the mouth of the cave. “Okay so what is this story?”
“Uncle Jesse wrote a manuscript about Hazzard, when his Dad was a boy.”
“Now that is something worth knowin’ about,” Cooter said.
“Well, who wants to read?”
“I will,” Dodger announced.
“We’re going from where we were.”
“Give me a summery then.”
“Bo and Luke senior are in Capital City. They are trying to save Richard Petty.”
“Really! Richard Petty? The famous race car driver?”
“Wait a minute. Weren’t they on probation like y’all?” Cooter asked.
“He’s getting to that, dough head,” Dodger growled.
“Boss Hogg waved their probation on one condition. They will bring back Richard and he will race in Hazzard,” Luke cut in.
“Yeah and they have just met up with their friends from Capital City, Victor and Sam who are goanna let them stay at their place,” Bo added.
“As Luke, Victor and Sam went to check out the situation, they were captured.”
“The only reason why Bo didn’t get caught was because he went around the back side.”
“As he saw his cousin and everyone else getting dragged in…”
“Bo shook his head but got out of there fast…real fast.”
“Now it is up to Bo get everyone out of this situation.”
“Woe, hurry up Dodger, I have to see what’s going on,” Cooter said.
“Alright Cooter, just be patient okay?” Dodger asked.
“That’s like asking a jack rabbit not to jump,” Luke laughed. Bo smiled, he tried not to giggle but it kept popping out.
“You’re right, Luke—boy are you right.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Cooter asked.
“What do you think it is supposed to mean, Cooter? Ain’t it obvious? You haven’t sat still for a day in your life.”
“Oh come on guys, let’s get to the story alright?” Bo questioned.
“Yeah, we wanna hear it too. Besides, I don’t think Bo wants to point out his bible lesson today do ya Bo?” Luke added.
“Oh heck no. All you need to know y’all is patience is a virtue and don’t egg on Cooter.”
“Sorry Cooter,” Dodger mumbled.
“Sorry Dodger,” Cooter replied.
“You have been a little annoying lately.”
“So have you.”
“I guess we need to start doing things for each other…”
“Yeah—or work better together. We’s just…”
“Differences are good though,” Bo mumbled.
“Yeah, Bo’s right. You know, we have brothers too. We would walk through fire for them,” Luke replied.
“At the same time, we don’t always get along with them.”
“So, can we put out differences aside for a little while?”
“Just for a bit?” Cooter and Dodger looked at each other for a minute and smiled. Both nodded. Bo pointed out the spot they were in. Dodger cleared his throat.
* * *
Luke stared at Richard for a moment. “I can’t believe it is really you! I have always wanted to meet you and now, I finally get the chance,” Luke exclaimed. Richard smiled as he shook his head.
“You know, it is nice to meet you too. It was nice of you to come and try to save me,” Richard replied. Luke sighed. “Oh don’t get heavy hearted boy. You did your best.”
“We still have one man out there,” Victor announced. Luke shook his head.
“What is Bo goanna be able to do?” Luke questioned.
“Come on Luke, there’s only two of them. Bo has handled more than that.”
“There may be two of them but he’s out manned by two whole guns.”
“I say again, he’s been through more than that. Give him some credit, Luke. Bo is a good egg. He has a good head on his shoulders.” Richard nodded softly.
“Besides that, Bo is a Duke. You know how amazing you Duke are and always will be,” Sam told them. Luke shrugged. He didn’t know what to say. Usually he was the leader. Usually, he made the plans go smoothly. This time, Luke was on the side lines.
There was no way to get out. Usually the bad guys would mess up, putting the people together. This time, they were all in separate corners of the old warehouse. Luke was loosing patience and hope.
He was sure that they would perish right along side of Richard. These guys weren’t as dumb as Luke had anticipated. They had a good plan underneath them. “This is all my fault,” Luke mumbled.
“You know Luke, when I run a race, sometimes I think of the road as the path of life. It drags you from place to place. The car is you. You don’t necessarily control the car at all times. Everything has to be in order or else it is goodbye,” Richard began.
“What’s the point?”
“Well, you know, it takes a lot of people to make a plan work. Your plan didn’t quite make the hotshot list but who cares? There is always another race.” Luke smiled.
“Yeah, I get it I guess but it don’t make me feel any better.” Richard shrugged.
“Luke, think of it as an oil slid. Now, if you let the car go through it what is your car goanna do?”
“Well its goanna spin out of control.”
“What happens when you steer away from it?” Luke smiled and sighed. “Well?”
“You get out of a sticky situation.”
“Well Luke, let Bo steer us out of this sticky situation.”
“Don’t worry so much.”
“He’s my cousin how can I not worry?”
“As your friend said, he’s a smart cookie.”
“Yeah he is.”
As Richard was giving Luke a pep talk, Bo was making plans of his own. If you saw Bo Duke, you wouldn’t have recognized him. Usually Bo was characterized by his blue t-shirt and long tan shirt. He would wear blue jeans and cowboy boots.
Bo looked unbelievably different from what he generally looked like. He was wearing a cap that made him look bald. He was covered in makeup that made him look extremely old. Bo had a cane in his left hand. He knocked on the warehouse door.
One of the gunmen opened the door. They didn’t even recognize the boy who they had tied to the tree. Bo said he needed to use a bathroom. As he got in there, Bo kicked the guns out of their hands. He took on one of them at first. The other seemed to be impatient. He didn’t want to wait for nothing.
So now Bo was fighting two. He punched one in the face and the other one came at him. Bo was tough though. Even though he was hit quite a few times, he managed pretty well. The first gunmen grabbed a chair and was about to hit Bo over the head with it.
Bo growled. His eyes became almost invisible. Only a splinter could be seen of them. He grabbed the chair and hit the other guy. Now it was a fair fight, one on one. They seemed to be hitting each other hard. Bo smiled, there was nothing like a good fight to him.
As the young man finally got the gunman on the ground, Bo laughed. He grabbed rope which was on the ground. Bo tied the two together. He walked into the large room where everyone was stashed.
“Did you miss me?” Bo asked. He began untying everyone.
* * *
Suddenly, Dodger stopped reading as he heard the familiar engine roll up. “That’s Dolly,” Dodger mumbled.
“Looks like the crooks were thinking the same thing we were,” Luke mumbled back. Dodger put the book down.
“We can hide here until the heat dies down,” One of the voices went off. Bo and Luke stood at both sides of the doorway. As the crooks came in, Bo and Luke bashed their heads together. They fell to the ground.
“Guess what boys? The heat just became hotter,” Bo commented. Well, ain’t that lucky for Bo and Luke? They got the baddies that were keeping them there. Looks like they won’t need those supplies after all.
Bo and Luke walked into the courthouse, returning the money which had been stolen. Well that and the baddies that stole it in the first place. You can imagine how happy Boss Hogg was. Then again, I would be happy too
Now Cooter and Dodger wanted to hear about the Duke’s little adventures. Jesse after all was a good writer and this was about Hazzard. Anything that was about your own place was something you wanted to hear about.
They all made their way back to the Duke Farm. Cooter and Dodger were driving Dolly. Bo and Luke drove the General Lee of course…the most famous of cars. Daisy was jumping up and down when she heard the two horns go off in unison.
“My Dolly!” She exclaimed. The Jeep came to a thundering halt. Daisy rubbed the dirt off her car. “Where did you find her?”
“The funniest thing happened, the crooks fell right into our lap,” Cooter announced.
“Apparently, they had the same plans as Bo and Luke…hide out until the heat died down,” Dodger added. The boys got out of the General Lee.
“YAHOO, okay, story time,” Cooter announced.
“Huh?” Jesse questioned.
“They want to hear the rest of your story. Can you read the rest?” Bo asked.
“Sure, boy.” Jesse signaled everyone to sit on the porch. They all crowded around. “Where are y’all?”
“We’re at the part where the race was about to begin,” Luke answered. Jesse nodded. He seemed to open the book to the exact spot with ease.
* * *
People were all crowded at Hazzard track. They couldn’t believe that Richard Petty was actually there. Bo and Luke convinced him pretty well. He was proud to race with those boys after all that had happened.
This thing was supposed to be a small deal but knowing Boss Hogg, he brought out the works. He made sure there was food. Boss was careful that he could earn a profit. JD Hogg has never done anything unless it benefits him in some way, shape or form.
This event was no exception. Boss Hogg couldn’t just live in the moment. Oh no he had to turnover a profit in the making to make the even more—well interesting. Boss Hogg would never change in that aspect…not now, not ever.
The cars were lined up. Bo and Luke pulled their seat belts on. Cooter rode with Jesse which was quite the sight. They too were doing up their belts. Richard Petty was all ready to race and so was Boss Hogg. He could feel the wind and they hadn’t started racing yet.
The lights began changing colors and the cars became antsy. As the green light went off, they began to race. Jesse lead off the race followed closely by Richard, Bo/Luke and Boss Hogg. Boss tried to pull ahead of the boys but it wasn’t all that successful.
As Richard pulled ahead of Jesse, the Bo/Luke car was making its way ahead of Jesse Duke. However, you know that man has some moves in him. He wouldn’t let Bo and Luke beat him without a fight. They seemed to be fighting for second. Boss Hogg hit Jesse by accident. They ended up off the road.
Now the competition was between Boss Hogg, Bo/Luke combo and Richard Petty. Bo and Luke appeared to keep up with Richard pretty good. They kept sliding back and forth. The race was pretty close. Bo was after all an incredible driver.
They were on the second lap already. Jesse had already gotten out of the car. Jesse, Cooter and Daisy were watching from the sidelines. Boss Hogg was still taking up the rear. It didn’t matter now. The Duke Boys knew more tricks than Boss did. After all, Boss Hogg was a little rusty. Becoming rich and having someone else drive for you will do that.
As the third and final lap came about, Boss Hogg was becoming desperate to get into some sort of spot. However, the race was over as the flag was waved. Richard won with Bo/Luke in a close second.
As they got out of their cars, Richard won a race that would never truly be recorded in his career. He walked over to Bo Duke’s car. “Hey before I start giving out all of my autographs and such, I want you to have this,” Richard said. He held out a necklace with a silver chain. On it was a rectangle shape that read, “NASCAR”.
“I can’t take this,” Bo commented.
“You know, while we were in there the stories of you guys made me feel stronger. I feel like I know you Dukes.” Bo turned it over.
Dare to dream.
“You didn’t have to do it,” Bo commented.
“I know but you know what? You did more than save my life. You gave me a chance to keep on living,” Richard replied. He walked away.
* * *
Jesse closed the book with care. He looked up at the crowd of people looking at him. “Well boys and girl, what do you think?” Jesse asked.
“I think it was amazing,” Daisy said.
“I think it was beyond amazing. They actually made it through the adventure and drove with a legend,” Cooter added.
“Yeah if I got to ride with him…” Dodger began.
“You would get a head full.”
“How about you Bo?” Jesse asked.
“I think that we’re a lot alike. I mean, Grandpa always wants to fight for the good of the people,” Bo replied.
“Well I agree with Bo. You know, Uncle Luke, as we like to call him, was a smart and crafty man. I think his plan would have worked too if it wasn’t for those two. That’s a lot how it goes with us,” Luke answered.
What a story huh? I bet you can’t wait until you get back. You know, look at the famous Jesse Duke. Well, that’s another story, for Hazzard County.