by: Essy Jane
Welcome to Hazzard County friends, I know, ain’t it nice to have us back here? I love being in Hazzard County. You get to catch up on old stories and new. I always love to learn about what goes on in Hazzard. You know all the dirt that happens.
The action is amazing. The fights, whether win or loose are amazing. The greatest attraction of them all, the flying General Lee. The guns and probation. You know, all of that fun stuff that always goes on in Hazzard. This adventure ain’t any difference.
Do y’all see that bus right there? Well that’s me…no I ain’t a bus, I am inside the bus. I am heading off for the Duke farm. So many memories there. So many wonderful things happened on that farm.
You’re probably wondering how I met the Dukes ain’t you. It is a bit of a story but if you would like to hear it I would be glad to tell it to ya. Well sit on down and I’ll fill your head with tales. Y’see, I lived in Florida. I was singing since I was a boy.
Finally I decided to go and travel…you know, go off to Nashville. Well, as I was coming, my breaks went out on my car—in Hazzard County. I was out of control swerving left and right. I went over too. This white pickup came driving along. He pulled me out of the car, saving my life. However, I lost everything. My guitar—my truck—everything. Livonia
Laurel and Jesse let me live with them for a while. They told me if I worked hard, they would give me enough money to get a new car and a new guitar. So I lived on the farm with them. I worked very hard. They taught me all about farm work and the joy of getting your hands dirty.
Soon, I was playing music. Jesse told me to go for my dream. As I drove off for Nashville, I looked back, waving away. I never thought I would get anywhere with my dreams. Well six platinum records later…here I am, back in Hazzard County.
You see, it is about time I repay Jesse Duke for all he and his wife had done for me. I mean heck, they had a little boy and still let me into their home. Hazzard County hospital is almost finished. That was great for the Dukes.
There was some money left over from the hospital. They wanted to create a veterinary hospital. With it. However, there was just not enough. When Jesse called and asked if I would sing to help animals, well sir I couldn’t resist.
On my way over though, something happened, our tire went flat on the bus. Something was fishy about it so the driver said. As he went to fix it, some bandit came towards us with a gun. When he saw who I was, he asked for my guitar. Now I have used that guitar in every concert I have been in.
With it gone, I didn’t feel right playing. They changed the tired and soon we were heading back over to Hazzard though I wasn’t too impressed. In fact I was pretty upset. I just hoped Bo and Luke would help me on this one.
Back at the Duke farm, things were about to heat up as Jesse checked out the planting and tilling the boys did in the fields. “BO, LUKE!” Jesse exclaimed as he walked into the house.
“What’d you do?” Luke questioned.
“I planted like you said and tilled,” Bo replied.
“Then why is Uncle Jesse so mad?”
“Who made a bull’s eye in the middle of the field?” Jesse questioned. Luke glared at his cousin.
“Uncle Jesse, I thought for once we should be creative. Don’t worry, all the seed fit in there.”
“Bo Duke, you know I am all for creativity BUT this is one time when you should RESTRAIN yourself.”
“Well Uncle Jesse, I was sick of all those boring rows.”
“Rows are what allow things to grow. You know what it’ll take to unbury all those seeds and do it right?”
“Uncle Jesse, I left enough room for them to grow properly. It should be fine.”
“You know what my father told me, if something works don’t tamper with it. Now I have been farming ever since I was old enough to WALK. You come in here and you ruin my rows with a bull’s eye and a…a…”
“A bull, the other one was a bull—I thought it was a good match.”
“You are in so much…” The phone rang.
“I’ll get it.” Ah saved by the bell. Lucky boys. “Hello, Duke farm, Bo speaking—I can talk forever.”
“Hey Bo it’s me Daisy. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am done with the planting and I am ready to come home,” Daisy told the boys.
“Oh excellent, how was your trip there?”
“Umm…” Daisy shifted her eyes. “It was okay. I don’t remember most of it seeing how it was a few months ago.”
“I see, I see. How is Uncle Jose?”
“He’s up and about now, his ribs are a bit sore still but other than that, he is just fine.” Daisy suddenly had a look of clarity in her eyes. “Are you stalling?”
“You better believe it.”
“How did you do the planning for the crops?”
“In rows like we always do, why?” Daisy crocked an eyebrow as the phone went silent. “Bo, I did them in rows. Why did you ask how I did them?”
“Exactly, you did them in rows.”
“Bo, what did you do?”
“Bo, Uncle Jesse is goanna be ticked.”
“Correction, he already is.” Daisy began laughing over the phone. “I thought it looked neat.”
“Neat ain’t what he’s looking for. I think that you know what’s goanna happen.”
“Yup, I sure do.”
“If you’re thinking grounded think again. Uncle Jesse will pull something worse than that.”
“Oh what will he do?”
“No women for a month.”
“I hope not.”
“Well be prepared for the worst. Anyway, I am at a gas station and I got to go.”
“Stay a little longer.”
“I can’t. I have to get home.”
“Fine, don’t save my bacon.”
“I did enough bacon saving over here.”
“Were Coy and Vance really that bad? I mean they were as Duke like as us were they?” Daisy laughed. “What, I am making serious conversations here and you are laughing.”
“You’re just trying to keep me on the phone. Goodbye Bo.”
“Bye Daisy.” Bo hung up the phone. He looked at his family. “Daisy’s making her way home.”
“That’s good,” Luke replied.
“She was at a gas station when I was talking to her.”
“She didn’t say.”
“Now back to the topic at hand…” Uncle Jesse began. Bo heard a horn beep.
“He’s here.” Luke laughed as he shook his head. Bo ran out to greet my bus.
“How does he do that?”
“I don’t know Uncle Jesse, it is just how Bo is. He’s dripping luck,” Luke replied.
“Dang, I can’t wait until Daisy comes back. I need her to keep my sanity.” Luke began to laugh. “Besides, after a hard day, it is nice to have someone else do the cooking.”
“I made a few meals.”
“Yeah and afterwards we had to get to the restaurant right quick afterward.” Yup, Luke can’t cook to save his life. I didn’t know at this point but I would find out much later. After all, I hadn’t seen Jesse or heard from Jesse four years.
Now this wasn’t by choice. I was on the road. When he finally got a hold of me, I was thrilled to come. When I saw his nephews surrounding me, I had no clue as to who they were. They knew me, after all, I am a singer.
Those boys have become addicted to country music since they came to Hazzard County. So of course they knew my name. When Bo and Luke told their Uncle Jesse that Hazzard needed a new vet center, well sir, Jess knew just who to call.
Those boys were surprised that I even came to good ol’ Hazzard County. Jesse didn’t tell them I used to live here. “Dang, you’re really you I mean you are you!” Bo exclaimed.
“What my cousin is trying to say is you’re…you’re…” Luke began. I began to laugh.
“I am Jace Watson,” I replied.
“Yeah, that’s who you are,” Bo began. As Jesse walked out, I gave him a hug.
“Now ain’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
“Jace you look as young as you did back then,” Jesse replied.
“You have changed a lot.”
“Nah, not really, I am the same old Jesse.” They looked at the boys who were in total shock.
“You know Jace Watson?” Bo and Luke questioned at the same time.
“Yes boys, back then he was Jace Scott Watson. He worked on the farm for a while.”
“Woe, you worked on our farm?” Bo questioned.
“Sure did and watched Tom while Jesse and Laurel saved Hazzard County.”
“You watched our cousins?”
“They’re your cousins?”
“Oh, allow me to introduce my nephews—Bo and Luke. Their father left them in my care,” Jesse mumbled.
“Actually, we enjoy it here,” Luke commented.
“Enjoy? We love it here.”
“Why don’t y’all come in?”
“Well my crew likes the bus but…” I began. I knew better than to utter words such as those. Jesse on no account recognizes negative responses to Southern hospitality. He would sleep in his own barn to help someone.
“Oh come on, we have enough room. We have two rooms free with two sets of bunk beds. We—we have a double bed for y’all to sleep on too. There’s always room at the Duke farm. If not, I can build some rooms on,” Jesse commented.
“Well if I ain’t imposing…”
“Oh pooh on imposing, come on y’all, come on in.” The whole band entered. I still had the kind of low face on. “What is going on Jace?” You see? Jesse notices everything.
“My guitar was stolen on the way here and…”
“Say no more, Jace. We’re goanna find it,” Bo commented.
“Really, y’all would do that for me?”
“Of course, being the modern day kid that I am, I know where it is.”
“Bo, you’re forgetting we need our hacker to do it,” Luke cut in.
“I know that Luke, good grief, I ain’t retarded. I do know Daisy’s the only one that’ll be able to trace where this guitar is. However, I do know where to start.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Nope, that is what someone would do with the guitar.”
“Are you sure?”
“Well I guess that’s what they would do to make money huh?”
“They would take digital pictures and put it online.”
“Come on Jace, Luke, let’s get looking.”
“Well alright,” I replied. Bo, Luke and I walked up the stairs. Jesse looked at all the band members.
“Who wants pancakes?” Jesse asked. Hands went up like nothing. “Alright then, buttermilk pancakes it is.” Now friends, ain’t it great? We’re goanna have yet another adventure.
Daisy walked in the house late that night. She looked back out the door at the big bus sitting out there. Daisy had no idea who it belonged to and I wouldn’t expect her to. I mean really, who looks that closely at a bus at one in the morning. She sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.
I walked down the stairs, I really couldn’t sleep. As Daisy saw me, she jumped. “You’re…you’re…” Daisy began.
“I know who I am. You must be the computer hacker that Bo was talking about,” I replied. Daisy’s eyes shifted.
“You have only been here for…”
“A day, ma’am, I have only been here for a day.”
“A Day and them boys have already spread vicious rumors about me.”
“Quite the contrary Miss…uh…”
“Daisy, my name is Daisy.”
“Look Daisy, I was planning on doing a concert to raise money for the vet hospital.”
“That’s very kind of you.”
“Someone stole my guitar.” I sighed, shaking my head. I really loved that guitar. Everyday it was like the guitar possessed my fingers allowing me to play.
“That’s a shame.” No, it was more than a shame that it was lost. It was a horrible thing. My career is over without it. “You can afford to buy another one though.”
“I have used this guitar in every single thing I have done. It is my favorite guitar. I can’t play without it.”
“Luck, you said that the guitar was the one that brought you the first success of your life.”
“Yes, it did.”
“Well you know, sometimes, you can do things you have never done before.”
“I have been in three near death car accidents, I know that I can do things I have never done. You don’t need to tell me such tales to make me feel better, Daisy. You just don’t.” Daisy shook her head. She seemed upset.
“Fine, if you don’t wanna listen to me then I’m going to bed.” Daisy got up and began to walk to her room upstairs. “I was trying to help.”
“No wait!” Daisy stopped on the middle stair. I shook my head.
“Yes?” She was right, I was being a ninny. I had to listen to what she had to say.
“Don’t leave, stay with me for a while.” After all, the kin of Jesse Duke was sitting at this table. Jesse was the one who helped me out. Dukes always seemed to have this light about them. They were blessed with a certain amount of wisdom.
“Well if that’s all you have to say…”
“I’m sorry, it has been a long day and I really don’t know what to do with myself.” Daisy sighed and walked down the stairs.
“I’m sorry too.” Daisy sat back down. She pulled out a pear from the basket that was sitting in the middle of the table. She took a bite, letting the juices roll slowly down her chin. Daisy grabbed a napkin and wiped them away.
“I guess sometimes, my mouth runs away with me. I have mostly been near my crew. When that happens…”
“You loose your people skills?”
“How did you know?”
“Yeah Jace, I have met a celebrity before. Not all of them loose themselves.”
“I have seen a lot who have lost themselves.” I sighed, not knowing what to say next to her. Dukes are too easy to talk to I find. When I open up, dang I just can’t put a cork on it. I wanted to stop right there.
“Yeah I know but I also know that many become great. Many stars become the best friends to people who are sick or who are hurt.”
“Yeah, I have met a few of those.”
“You are one of those too or you wouldn’t be here in our house right now.”
“How do you mean?”
“Uncle Jesse judges character and you have it up to your arm pits.”
“Now what were you saying before?” Daisy looked confused. Yeah I know, she said several things before. I guess I had to be more specific. “You know about doing things that you don’t always think you can do?”
“I know that I just spend time with two boys who couldn’t fight through a Hazzard battle with guns in their hands. They worked at it though. Now they are doing great. You have to think the same thing about yourself.”
“How do you mean?”
“Well simple Jace, you need to think that it was you and not the guitar.” I wanted to believe her but I did love that guitar. Daisy knew it. I could see it in her eyes. She shook her head. “You still don’t understand do you?”
“I know how to do this.” Daisy jumped up and walked into the living room. She pulled out her guitar. She walked back in and grabbed me by the hand. Daisy raced out into the barn. She lit the lantern.
“What are we doing? What do you want me to play guitar?”
“No sir, I want you to sing.” Daisy began strumming…she put her fingers on the G chord.
“Yeah.” Daisy smiled.
“Alright, what are we singing.”
“Hush and you’ll see.”
“A baseball player making his first pitch, Is afraid of hitting the batter. So instead it hits the ditch, now the pitcher is hiding from the matter. If you smashing through that window dear, Remember that you didn’t lift that latch. If you take steps because of fear, you won’t make that catch,” Daisy sang.
“Hey, I like that. Can I try?”
“Sure,” Daisy replied. As she went from D chord back to G.
“Fear of going on a trip, will make life so boring for you. If you do not think of the sinking ship, you’ll enjoy what’s waiting there too,” I sang.
“So don’t you forget to open that window, friend, remember to make decisions that count. Make it so life isn’t a boring end,
life will be a pure surmount,” Daisy sang.
“When deciding on what he would be, the man picked up his guitar pick. Now his music videos are on TV, he made a good decision quick.”
“So don’t you forget to open that window, friend, remember to make decisions that count. Make it so life isn’t a boring end,
life will be a pure surmount,” Daisy and I sang together.
“If you smashing through that window dear, Remember that you didn’t lift that latch. If you take steps because of fear, you won’t make that catch,” Daisy sang. She ended the song by playing G chord then a C chord then a D chord and right back to G.
“You see what I mean?” Daisy questioned me.
“Yeah I do. It was nice to do some singing. That is a pretty good song too,” I answered.
“There you go, you see? You did it without your famous guitar.”
“I still want it back.”
“I think you want it because you like the memory of it.”
“You’re right, I do want it back for that reason.”
“Anyway, we better get back inside if I am goanna do some of my hacking on EBay.”
“You’re the best.” Now she did make me feel better and yes, I could sing and make music up while singing with the guitar. Now I think that Daisy knew what she was talking about. Don’t you?
Daisy called for Bo and Luke. They both came racing in, from outside of course. I stayed where I was. I was busy eating. Jesse sure did know how to cook some barbeque. Now as they walked in, Daisy had a sort of sad look upon her face. Now I hope that does mean that my guitar had been bought.
The boys sat down in the two chairs behind their cousin. Bo pushed his curly blonde hair out of his eyes. He looked at his cousin Luke for a second and shrugged. Bo finally brought his eyes forward.
“Now boys we have a problem. Check out where the guitar is,” Daisy announced. Bo and Luke peered down at the location. Nope, it wasn’t still in Hazzard and the boys weren’t too happy on this account.
“Capital City?” Bo and Luke said at the same time. Uh huh, you see why they are so dismayed. Well then again, maybe not all of ya do. Remember y’all; Bo and Luke are on probation.
They ain’t goanna get very far with that on their belt. Well since they committed the crime when they were minors, Bo and Luke’s record will be cleaned up right after their time is done. However, that doesn’t do so much for them at this moment.
Well just incase y’all forgot, or if there are newbies, Bo and Luke ain’t allowed to go many places because of this probation. They have limitations to their travel. Now this ain’t exactly part of their boundaries. When I say not exactly I mean, not.
Now them boys were goanna need a plan. First of all, how were they goanna get there without Roscoe and Enos seeing them? Number two, how were they goanna do it without Uncle Jesse knowing about it?
“Any ideas boys? I have none to offer you,” Daisy mumbled.
“All I know is if Uncle Jesse finds out we’re planning to go after this guitar in CAPITAL city of all places…” Bo began.
“Oh no kidding, you and Luke’s goose will be cooked.”
“Burnt to a crisp actually. Uncle Jesse worked hard to get us out of prison.”
“He gave up his shine traits. Did you know when Jacob-Daley Hogg came back, they ran shine?”
“No I didn’t.” Luke rolled his eyes. “Luke, I am waiting for your plan.”
“Yeah and if y’all would stop talking I would tell you about it,” Luke grumbled.
“Holy, what is your problem today?”
“Bo, this plan is goanna involve me staying behind.”
“Well if you’re so upset about it, why don’t you come, Luke?”
“Simple, I need to stay here while you go.” Luke shook his head and sighed. He crossed his arms. Bo crocked an eyebrow. “Boy does it burn my bridges.”
“Why you? Luke we do everything together. Come on, you have to come.”
“Well because, someone needs to keep this a secret. You have many traits Bo but secrets ain’t one of them.”
“Yes I can, I have kept plenty of secrets.”
“With Uncle Jesse?”
“Yep, we’ll have to bring in Danny for this one.”
“Danny?” Daisy questioned.
“Uh huh, Danny is the only one besides me that can do a good Bo impression. Bo, you’re goanna say that you’re staying over there.”
“Got ya Boss,” Bo said.
“Daisy, you and Bo are going to Capital City.”
“Hold the phone; won’t it look funny if Bo is sitting up with me in the car driving to Capital City? Luke, this ain’t a plan this is like throwing Bo to them and saying, enjoy juvenile hall,” Daisy replied.
“Who says he’s sitting by you? He’ll be in the back seat.”
“Luke, I hate to spoil your fun but he’ll see me there too,” Bo answered.
“Yeah Luke, he will, we should just give up on this weird idea,” Daisy added.
“No, in the back seat,” Luke said.
“I don’t follow.”
“Neither do I,” Bo mumbled.
“At least we’re on the same train of thought Bo.”
“Yeah I guess so, Miss Daisy.”
“I guess I’ll be like the invisible man.” Daisy and Bo began to laugh at Luke. You know what was truthfully funny about it? Luke wasn’t laughing. “Okay, you’re serious?”
“What I mean by Bo in the back seat, I mean really in the back seat. As in Bo being incased by the seat itself,” Luke replied.
“Are you serious?”
“Oh yeah, I mean this in the best way.”
“Cooter digs out all the parts and…”
“You go in literally the back seat.” Bo shook his head. He got up out of the chair and backed right up.
“Oh no, you ain’t putting me in there.”
“Oh Bo, don’t be such a baby.” Luke got out of his chair and walked closer to his cousin.
“I don’t trust you or Cooter you’ll probably put rusty nails in there.”
“Yeah sure, I am after you.” Bo backed up further. Daisy got up out of her chair.
“You never know, you could be.” She knew that she and Luke would have to double team their younger cousin. Remember, Bo is into track and field. If Bo made the dash, he would be hard to catch.
“Oh Bo, I ain’t that mean!”
“Oh come on Bo, do it for Jace,” Daisy commented.
“Do it so Uncle Jesse doesn’t kill you for the fields,” Luke laughed. Bo’s eyes shifted as he sort of half smiled.
“You know this is the only time he’ll let you go.”
“With Jace and the group here, he ain’t goanna get as upset as he normally will.”
“Uncle Jesse has too much on his mind.”
“Would you two stop jabbering? You had me at the fields,” Bo answered. Daisy laughed as she shook her head.
“You are a nut, don’t you think he’s a nut, Luke?” Luke shrugged. “Oh come on, you have got to think so.”
“Oh he does, Luke just doesn’t like to vocalize his feelings.”
“Now what are you…?” Luke began.
“Ha! I got you to talk. I win yet again.” Luke rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms. Bo smiled and poked his cousin. “Don’t take it too hard Luke.”
“You just don’t know when to quit do you now?”
“Nope.” Luke smiled as his eyebrows went up. He jumped on his cousin. Bo began to struggle to get Luke off of him.”
“Well, neither do I.”
“You sly fox you!”
“I can be can’t I?”
“But you’ll never beat Bo Duke.”
“I will too.”
“Not this time.” Bo somehow managed to get out Luke’s hold and stand up. “You see, I have things to do.” He tickled Daisy until she got out of the way of the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Well I might as well get cleaned up before you shove me in the box of doom.”
“You’re not going to die in there.”
“I beg to differ.”
“Oh Bo come on, stop being such a baby,” Daisy commented.
“I ain’t acting like a baby. I am still going in the dang thing ain’t I?”
“Well then stop worrying about it.” Luke stood up as Bo closed the door.
“Do you think he’s sore at us?”
“Nah, I think he just doesn’t like the idea being stuck in one place for too long,” Luke answered his cousin.
“I thought he was claustrophobic or something.”
“Bo? I don’t think so. He’s made out with girls in tighter spots than that.”
“Uh huh.” Daisy shuttered. “Oh don’t worry, they were perfectly safe.”
“Well we better get ready too.”
“How are you goanna get ready?”
“Well I am goanna start by going outside and finishing my ribs. Well that at my potato salad. Then we’ll go.” Daisy laughed. Now this would be an adventure. Don’t you think?
Bo, Luke and Daisy drove to the garage. They slid out of the windows of the General Lee. Daisy climbed over the seat of the General. She too pulled herself out of the window. Daisy straightened her shorts out. She pulled her shirt down to cover her belly button.
They walked into the garage but not before sounding ol’ Dixie. You know, their faithful horn. The mechanic didn’t bat an eyelash. He continued to work under the hood. Bo wasn’t too impressed. He wanted some sort of a reaction. I guess that’s the way Bo is.
Luke shrugged and signaled everyone to come in. As they saw the regular sight of the blue denim bottom sticking out, they didn’t think blink an eye. It was a normal sight for them after all.
Daisy cleared her throat. The mechanic waved and got right back to work. It was Boss’ new car. You remember his last one being destroyed don’t you now? You know, by Roscoe P. Coltrane.
Well this was his brand new one. It was a 2005 Cadillac. Not a bad car. However, Bo and Luke’s General Lee looked better. I don’t know why but I just like the look of the General Lee. Especially when he is flying through the air, I love the sight of that.
“Cooter, we need a…” Daisy began. As the guy turned around, they didn’t see Cooter. “Sorry Dodger.”
“Well now, I was told that from the back I look like him,” Dodger laughed. He shook his head. “Don’t worry y’all, I ain’t offended. Now, what can I do for ya?”
“We need you to hollow out the back seat of General Lee,” Luke commented.
“But it is under protest,” Bo grumbled. Dodger scratched his head.
“Okay, I may be new at the Cooter repair list but ain’t hollowing out the seat a step in the wrong direction? I mean after all, I fix cars,” Dodger cut in.
“Well you see we need to get a guitar back.”
“That’s why you want me to hollow out your seat? What did you loose it back there?”
“No, I would like to go in the back seat. So make sure it looks normal on the top.” Dodger crocked an eyebrow as he whacked his ears a couple of times.
“You know what? I don’t want to know. Luke, you finish up on Boss’ Caddy and I’ll get to work on this thing.”
“Sure,” Luke replied.
“You better do a good job or this job won’t be for free.”
“Oh Dodger relax, you know that I am a good mechanic. I just don’t have all the parts you do.”
“The only reason you’re a good mechanic is because your Uncle Jesse taught you.”
“Bo, you wanna help me?”
“Yeah of course,” Bo replied.
“Thank goodness you’re willing to help me for whatever you’re using this for.”
“I told you, we need to find…”
“I don’t want to know.”
“Daisy, you keep an eye on your cousin Luke there. Make sure he doesn’t make a mistake.”
“Sure thing Dodger,” Daisy laughed.
“Why do you trust her more than me?” Luke questioned. Dodger shrugged.
“Beats me,” Dodger replied.
Meanwhile, over at the farm, Jesse was walking back and forth. He looked at me and then looked at the door. Now personally, I knew something was rolling in his head. What it was, I wasn’t sure of.
Jesse was always kept his feelings to himself unless he really knew the person. In this case, I was no stranger. I worked with him for a long time. So I knew he would confide in me eventually. After all, who in their right mind could keep everything bottled up?
“My big toe is a hurtin’ something’s goanna happen and I can’t figure out what,” Jesse finally said.
“What do you mean something is goanna happen? Something big or something small?” I questioned. Then I shook my head. Oh I knew my question was dumb. This after all was Hazzard County. “Never mind, look Jesse, don’t worry too much.”
“I can’t help it; them boys know how to get themselves in trouble. I wonder what they’re planning this time.
“I saw the EBay thing up on the computer.”
“Did you read it?”
“No, I exited it.” Jesse shook his head and lowered it. “What? What did I do?”
“Ain’t it obvious? They’re going after your guitar—they have to be. You just gave away our clue to finding them.”
“They said they were going to Cooter’s place and…”
“Which means they want to do something to create a plan…I don’t know what they’re planning though.”
“Jesse, how do you know they’re even planning something?” Now Jesse was glaring at me. Look, I know about Hazzard, I just keep asking obvious questions.
“Simple, Bo is just like me. Luke is too much like my cousin and now brother in law, Jose.” Jesse sat down finally. He grabbed an apple and took a bite.
“How are y’all alike?”
“Jose would always come up with these plans. I would end up almost ruining my probation and his own.”
“Why would you do them then?”
“Well because we wanted to save the world. When ya are as young as we were that’s all you ever wanna do.”
“I couldn’t imagine being on probation.”
“Thank goodness all the charges Sheriff Hogg would ever lay on me were dropped.”
“How about your probation? Did that stick with you?”
“Oh heck no, I was put on probation when I was sixteen like Luke was. They said that everything would be erased the minute my probation was over.”
“How will it work for these boys?”
“Oh same way I ‘spose.”
“So you really think they’re in trouble.”
“I don’t think Jace, I know.” Well then, we had better see what they’re up to now shouldn’t we? Yup, I think that’s enough of me for a half a second.
You see, after all the blabbing I did, Luke finished the Cadillac. Daisy was just doing her final check to make sure his work was good. I had no doubts. As I would later find out, Luke is amazing when it comes to cars.
Bo and Dodger finished hollowing out the seat. It looked pretty small but Bo was game—well for the most part. Come on, if you were goanna be shoved in a box, do ya think you would be happy? I don’t think so.
“You know, you should go, Luke. I mean you’re shorter and it would be better for you. I am 6’5 now. What will it be like for me to go in there?” Bo questioned.
“You have got to be kidding me cousin, get in!” Luke exclaimed. Bo rolled his eyes.
“You have got to be the biggest pain in the butt I have ever met.”
“Look whose talking, Bo?”
“Well you are so bossy.”
“Bossy? You’re calling me bossy?”
“Why I outta…”
“Take it like a man you are so bossy.”
“No I am not, I just want you to go there and get back before Uncle Jesse figures us out. Now that ain’t a crime is it?”
“Come on, give him some credit Bo, he did come up with the idea,” Dodger reminded him.
“He did not, I saw something like this in one of Uncle Jesse’s journals. Grandpa and Uncle Luke did it with some marshal guy,” Bo replied.
“Well who cares who thought of it? At least you won’t be discovered,” Luke retorted. Bo rolled his eyes. He got in the hollowed out seat. Luke put the top back on.
“Come on Daisy, let’s do this thing.”
“Alright Bo, we’re off. Thanks Dodge, we’ll be in touch,” Daisy announced. She got in the driver’s seat of the General Lee. Now I am glad it ain’t me in the back seat. Daisy put on Bo’s helmet. She fastened her seat belt and turned the key.
Well folks, Miss Daisy’s off. As she drives down the road, Enos waves to her, thinking she was Bo. As the slender hand came out, Enos’ eyes widened. His smile rolled across his face. Daisy winked.
Enos went off for his lunch break while Roscoe was waiting for suckers to come down his road. Look at him folks. He is so obvious in those bushes. Daisy paid no attention to him but he certainly knew what he was doing.
You see, Roscoe wanted to throw the Dukes in jail. This was the road that headed out of Hazzard. Roscoe got into his patrol car. “You see that Flash? That Bo Duke is walking right into my trap,” Roscoe laughed. Flash barked. “Here we go little darlin’, Daddy will afford some doggy num-nums tonight, Khee.”
Daisy finally saw Roscoe in the back. “Oh no, he’s already following us,” Daisy said.
“Who cares, he can’t see me,” Bo answered. Daisy smiled softly. She shook her head.
“Well no, he can’t can he?” Daisy smiled. She stopped the car.
“That doesn’t mean you have to stop the car.”
“Sure, there’s no point of running.”
“Women always do things the boring way.” Daisy rolled her eyes.
“Not boring, just easy not hush, Roscoe’s coming.” Roscoe walked over to the car. Daisy pulled off her helmet. Her hair began to swirl up in bits as the wind caught it.
“You’re not Bo Duke,” Roscoe mumbled. Daisy took out her lipstick and applied it to her lips.
“No—I am not.”
“Woo-Jit, I thought you were a him but you were really a her.”
“Oh come on Roscoe Coltrane, you know as well as I do I am a girl and a good one at that.”
“Roscoe, do I look like Bo?” In fact, do you see Bo anywhere in this car, Roscoe?”
“No, no I don’t.”
“I just wanna go to Capital City.”
“Okay…well you can go then.” Daisy smiled. She drove off, leaving Roscoe in the dust. Dang, I wish I had that power. Don’t you?
Well, as Daisy and Bo finally made their way to Capital City, Bo got out of the back seat and sat up front. They found the address with ease. Bo watched as someone drove away. A boy, maybe just as old as Daisy or Luke ran out.
Bo made sure he got the license plate number down. They got up out of the car, sliding through the windows as they normally did. They walked over to the young man.
“DANG IT! He stole my original Jace Watson Guitar!” The young man exclaimed.
“Which you stole from Jace,” Daisy growled. As the young man tried to make a run for it, Bo grabbed his shirt. The juvenile fella looked way too skinny for a robber, just as I had told the Dukes.
“Woe, you ain’t going anywhere until we hear an explanation. My cousin will provide that insurance.”
“Look, I thought it would save my house from being sold. I don’t want to live on the streets or in one of THOSE places where they send poor people. I just thought I could lower the burden on my mother.” Daisy and Bo looked at each other.
“Well, stealing is not the answer…we’ll help you out though ah…”
“Lawrence, Lawrence Thomas…nice to meet you ah…”
“Duke, Daisy Duke.” They shook hands. They began talking a little bit while Bo did some calling of his own. He phone a friend, Enos Strait and talked to him for a while. You think that it ain’t about the bad guy?
Well then you don’t know the Dukes too well. Bo somehow managed to get an address from those plates. He shook his head like something was beyond wrong.
“Do you really think THE Jace will help me after I stole his guitar?” Lawrence asked.
“Sure he would.”
“We can worry about those later. Right now we have to go after some baddies. Bo, did you catch the license plate?”
“Yup but there’s some bad news on that,” Bo commented.
“Well you ain’t goanna like this.”
“Lay it on me cousin.”
“We’re going to Alabama.”
“Sweet Home Alabama…you know, Alabama…the state?”
“Oh no, that is way out of your probation lines what if…?”
“Hello? Hollowed out back seat!” Daisy shook her head. “Look, didn’t Catherine, Tom and Johnny move down there to be closer to each other?”
“We can stay with them.” Daisy sighed. She couldn’t believe she was getting Bo further away.
“I don’t know why I listen to you, you know that? You’re goanna get yourself in big trouble.”
“I’m a Duke, ain’t that what we’re supposed to do? Besides, Luke is covering for us.”
“Yeah…I suppose he is but…”
“The relax, we have nothing to worry about.”
“Oh you say that now but wait until you have a number strapped to your chest.”
“You worry too much.”
“And you don’t worry enough.” Bo smiled. He shook his head, winking at his cousin. “Bo, you have got to be serious about this, your life depends on what you do.”
“I know…I also know that we’re goanna be fine.” Well…I personally think Bo didn’t mind going because of the fields. In my opinion, I don’t think anyone would wanna be stuck in that box. Would you?
Daisy continued driving right over the county line. Now folks, that is one heck of a drive. She didn’t stop that long though…only long enough for more gas.
Daisy continued driving until she hit Montgomery Alabama. A very beautiful place if I might say so myself. This is the capital City of Alabama where Catherine, Tom and Johnny share a house.
Catherine and Johnny both worked at a school. I thought that was somewhat funny. You know, seeing how Johnny would do anything to get out of school when he was younger. Catherine loved school though.
Catherine taught music. She absolutely loved the art of music. She enjoyed how fast the students learned how to play. Catherine became familiar with every instrument in her band room.
Johnny taught English and gym—well along with drama. He found out that he had a knack for making people understand things. People in his classes never wanted to leave. They would even come back to him for even more advice. Gym, well he always was good in that.
Drama, Johnny had been living in Hazzard County. If he weren’t good at drama, he wouldn’t survive. Think about all the acting—or as we like to call it, shucking and jiving that them two had to do.
Where does Tom work? Well, he works in a hospital. Someone has to do all the research work don’t they? Tom is just the person. He is made for the lab. Somehow, Tom had managed to do his doctorate in six years instead of eight.
All three loved their jobs and enjoyed helping people. It was truly where they belonged. Together, they bought a pretty big house and shared cost on the mortgage. Not a bad idea.
Bo finally got out of that cramped little box. He walked somewhat crooked at first. Now if I were stuck in there I would be walking the same way. I can’t believe they’s doin’ all of this for me. Now, Bo knocked on the door. Daisy straightened out her clothes.
As the door opened, Bo and Daisy jumped. Now I don’t know about you ladies and gentlemen but if I saw this sight here I would jump too. Yup, it was Cooter Davenport. No wonder Cooter didn’t make his usual repair, he was up here.
“What are you doing here?” Bo, Daisy and Cooter said at the same time.
“No, what are you doing here?” They all said at the same time again.
“Woe, hold it, before we keep doing this, we wanna know what you’re doing here Cooter,” Bo said, breaking off from the unison wagon.
“Well I was up here to meet some buddies of mine who moved down here. You know, they’s mechanics too. We were goanna talk about cars we have seen and parts we made. I wanted to stay up with these guys so I would have a cheap place to crash,” Cooter replied.
“I wondered why Dodger was doing a Cooter repair for us.” Cooter crocked an eyebrow.
“What the heck did you let him do for you?”
“Hollow out the General Lee’s back seat.” Cooter crocked en eyebrow. “Well if you were there, Cooter, we would have gotten you to do it.”
“You probably confused the heck out of him.”
“Yeah, we probably did.”
“For what reason?”
“Did you take out the springs and the cushion?”
“Oh, got ya, we’re on the same wave length.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“We wanted to get a guitar back.” Cooter shook his head. He couldn’t believe they would do something like this.
“So you came here in the back seat so you wouldn’t be seen?”
“You get it, why doesn’t Dodger?”
“Simple, I speak Duke.”
“This is true.”
“You know what?” Cooter scratched his head. “It looks strange with y’all crowding outside.”
“Yeah, I suppose it does,” Daisy replied. Cooter gestured the Dukes to come in.
“Enter if you dare.”
“I might just take you up on that offer, Cooter.” Bo and Daisy walked in the house and Cooter closed the door behind them. Bo stretched out on the couch, being sore from the box.
“Where’s everyone else?” Bo asked.
“Ah they’ll be back soon. They were shopping,” Cooter replied. Bo shrugged.
“Why would they want to at this time?”
“How would I know, they don’t have anything better to do.”
“I suppose they wanted to eat.” Bo began laughing right along with Daisy. “No, that doesn’t mean I ate all their food.”
“Just most of it right?”
“Uh huh—I mean no.” Bo and Daisy began to laugh even harder. Cooter got in a big comfortable reclining chair. He looked at the Dukes.
“Now, explain the whole story from the beginning.”
“Alright,” Daisy said. She yawned. “Are you sure you have time for all of it?”
“Yeah I am sure.”
“Well then, here goes the fire works.”
“I just can’t wait.” After telling Cooter everything, Daisy and Bo went to bed. Daisy in the second guest room and Bo went with Cooter into the first. Weren’t the older cousins goanna have a surprise in the morning?
The next morning, Luke got a phone call. He yawned tiredly. After all, the poor guy stayed up all night worrying about his cousins. There must have been a complication when getting the guitar. “Hello?” Luke questioned.
“Hi, you don’t know me but your cousins told me to phone you today. You know Daisy and Bo? Well yeah of course you know who they are. My name is Lawrence—uh, you’re Luke right?” Lawrence questioned.
“Well, Bo said that they’re going to Alabama to get the guitar because it was moved.”
“How do I know if you’re not holding them there?”
“Bo figured you would think that. So he told me to tell you ‘Quiet ya bone head and quit worrying.’…or something along that nature.”
“Alabama is way out of his jurisdiction. He needs to come home Lawrence.”
“Bo figured you would say that too.”
“Oh he did, did he?”
“What was his reply?”
“Stop being so bossy.” Luke clenched his fists. “Hello? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, thanks buddy. Okay, bye.” Luke hung up the phone. He shook his head and sat down. The phone rang again. “What?!”
“Luke it’s me Danny, cool off okay? I don’t need to be yelled at when I am doing a favor for you,” Danny said over the phone. Luke sighed.
“Sorry…may I ask a personal question?”
“Am I—too bossy?”
“Sometimes…but everyone has a character flaw.”
“You have been talking to Bo haven’t you?”
“No, I called to ask when he was coming back. Jesse called for him yesterday.”
“And I did what you told me to but your uncle and my dad are the two hardest people to lie to.”
“Yeah I know.” Danny sighed.
“That’s where they are?”
“Uh huh, that’s where they are.” Luke shook his head. He did it like he had some control. “I don’t know what to do with them. If Bo messes up and his probation is revoked…”
“Daisy won’t let that happen…you know that Luke.”
“Hazzard wouldn’t be the same without Bo putting me in my place. It really wouldn’t be the same without his luck streaks.”
“Hey, I know your cousin really well. If I know anything about him I know he’s going to be fine.”
“I sure hope so.”
“Well I got to go.”
“Alright, bye.” Luke hung up the phone and leaned against the wall. He didn’t know quite what to do. I don’t blame him. The last thing I want is him to loose his probation because of me.
I didn’t even know about this plan. If I did I would have been set against it. Like Daisy said, I can play with other guitars. I guess I was just being silly.
Well back in Montgomery Alabama, Daisy was making breakfast. In Hazzard County, they’re used to getting up early. Over in Alabama, Catherine, Tom and Johnny don’t get up until six in the morning. Now can you imagine what early is to the Dukes of Hazzard?
Johnny always thought with his stomach first thing in the morning. It was the first thing that flared and the last thing that gurgled before he went to bed. Johnny loved food—especially home cooked food.
As he smelt the delicious food, he was attracted to it like nothing else. When Johnny goes shopping, he has to stare at food the whole time. Now folks if that doesn’t make you hungry I don’t know what will.
He sat across the table from Bo…not even really noticing—at first. With all the smells hiding both her and Bo, I wouldn’t notice either. It was like she was part of some sort of dream. A very delicious dream.
“So Daisy, what’s for—DAISY!” Johnny exclaimed. The poor man had to look back over at Bo to make sure he was actually sitting there. Bo waved at Johnny.
“No, I ain’t on the menu,” Daisy replied. Bo began laughing as he shook his head. Daisy was good on manipulating words to the way she wanted.
“That was a good one, Daisy,” Bo told her. He sat back in the chair looking out the window. A smile rolled across his face though his heart was pounding. “Beautiful day out huh?”
“Oh yeah.” Daisy took a look out the window near the stove. She saw the flowers outside. “It is stunning outside. It’s a shame we can’t stay long.”
“No doubt, I would love to stay longer.” Bo knew this conversation wouldn’t last forever. For all their cousin knew, Bo and Daisy were runaways. Well besides, Johnny could almost taste their fear.
“What are you two doing here? More importantly, does my dad know where you two are?” Johnny finally got out. He shook his head. “No, he doesn’t know you’re here.”
“And we would appreciate it if it stayed that way.”
“If Uncle Jesse finds out that we’re in Alabama…” Daisy began.
“Our good goose will be cooked,” Bo added. Catherine came running down the stairs.
“Hey what smells…Bo?” Catherine said.
“Did you invite them here Johnny?”
“No, they invited themselves, something which Cooter forgot to inform us of,” Johnny replied. Catherine shook her head and sighed. “You haven’t heard the worst part of it.”
“Bo’s sitting at our table and is on probation. I don’t need to know the half of it.”
“Dad doesn’t know.” Catherine pushed her hair back with her palms, hard. Now I know what that means. Don’t you? She can’t believe Bo and Daisy would be so stupid as to come here without permission.
“Well that takes the cake.”
“Catherine we…” Daisy began.
“I don’t want to hear it. That was very irresponsible,” Johnny cut in.
“Where does he think you are?” Catherine asked.
“Capital City,” Daisy mumbled.
“Danny’s place,” Bo added.
“Well, which one is it?” Johnny questioned.
“He thinks Bo is still in Hazzard and I am in Capital City. Luke’s playing damage control,” Daisy answered her cousin. She flipped her pancakes. Daisy turned off the stove. She put the scrambled eggs in a blue bowl.
Tom walked in the house through the back door. “I’m home from work…what a long…Daisy—Bo?” Tom began. He took off his lab jacket and stared at his brother and sister. Johnny and Catherine shrugged.
“Don’t look at us…it wasn’t our idea. Bo is actually off in Hazzard somewhere and Daisy in Capital City. They were just about to tell us what they were doing in Alabama in the first place,” Catherine told her brother.
“I see…so now that we’re on the subject, why are you two here?”
“Well Tom you see…” After explaining my story to their cousins, Daisy looked up at them. “So you see, we need to get the guitar back.”
“We can’t tell Dad, Tom and you know it. He’ll flip that they’re here,” Johnny mumbled. Catherine rolled her eyes.
“Don’t you think his big toe is already predicting trouble?” She asked.
“Well you know, they’re trying to salvage a man’s respect. A man who helped raise our brother.”
“You guys, they’re staying. Instead of sleeping in, I’ll use my time off to help them. Johnny and Cat, after school is out, you phone me…my phone will be on vibrate,” Tom announced.
“Why help them? We should be sending them back,” Catherine pointed out.
“Yeah—as adults we should be saying you need to go back. However, as former residents of Hazzard County, I know they have a mission.” Daisy and Bo smiled at each other. “However, you’re not out of trouble.”
“What do you mean?” Bo asked.
“Well that’s simple little cousin, when you get back, you will do something amazingly nice for our Dad. Send me a picture of whatever you did and you will be off the hook.”
“Thanks Tom, you really are the best cousin.”
“Let’s get eating everyone, the food is goanna get cold.” Everyone gathered around the table. Except Cooter who snuck out early to avoid the screaming band of Dukes. Now that Cooter sure knows what he’s doing, don’t you think?”
Now, they found the address alright. There was one big guy sitting outside drinking a coca cola. He had quite the muscles on him. The man wore a cowboy hat…the same color I wore. Now Bo, Tom and Daisy noticed the pants…wranglers. The belt buckle with my name engraved on it.
This guy wasn’t in it for the money. This guy was in it because he wanted to be like me in every way possible. This baddy wasn’t on his own. Nope, three cars pulled up. Bo pulled on his collar as those men got out. They were all just as big as the first one.
“Well, usually about this time, I would ask Luke for a plan. Since he’s not here…Tom, what’s the plan?” Bo questioned. Tom’s eyes shifted.
“How would I know? They look like tough gentlemen,” Tom replied.
“What do we rush them or pull them outside or what?”
“Excuse me…” Daisy began.
“Well I am not exactly sure,” Tom answered Bo, ignoring Daisy.
“Are you sure of anything?” Bo asked.
“We have to get in there.”
“Boys…” Daisy tried to break in.
“Well ain’t that a kick in the head? Why didn’t I think of that? We have to get in there. Well paint my backside red and call me Mary-sue,” Bo said sarcastically.
“Ah Bo and Tom…” Daisy tried to say.
“Well it takes time to ease into a plan. You know, make it work,” Tom told Bo.
“Well can you think of it a little bit faster?” Bo asked. Now when someone ignores Miss Daisy, she doesn’t take it too lightly. No one should ignore that little woman.
“Maybe wait until those boys are gone.”
“Tom, I’m Bo Duke. Now inside Bo Duke’s mind you will find that I have NO patience for something like that.” Daisy put something in both Bo and Tom’s face. Both were a part of Daisy’s plan.
“Why don’t we work on their boy hormones?” Daisy asked. She watched as their garage door opened. They began to play. Tom and Bo looked at the band and then at Daisy.
“I don’t see why it wouldn’t work. Daisy you’re a genius!”
“Yeah, why didn’t you bring this up sooner?” Tom questioned. Daisy clipped him in the back of the head.
“Just get out and cover me okay?” Daisy replied.
“Owe, that hurt.”
“Shows you for not listening to me!” Bo began to laugh. Daisy clipped him in the head too. Tom looked at him.
“What? I’m used to this,” Bo replied. Bo and Tom got out of the General Lee and covered up the side windows while she got dressed up in her special suit.
As she came out, even Tom turned his head. Bo growled at him, being the brother type he was. However the second he remembered it was his cousin, Tom turned away. Daisy walked passed the guys.
Now, no amount of band obsession will turn a person away from Miss Daisy. Her eyebrows rose slightly, as she waved ever so softly. The men put down the guitars. Bo’s eyebrows rose. He saw my guitar just sitting there waiting for him. As Daisy talked to those fellas, Bo grabbed the guitar.
However, he wasn’t as quiet as he thought he was being. The goons turned around. Bo began running toward the General. Daisy got in there first and slid in the back. Bo managed to slide in, just pulling the guitar in at the right moment. Tom began driving the General Lee.
“Now what?” Tom asked.
“Umm…give me your cell phone,” Bo replied. He looked at his watch as Tom continued to drive. As He saw the dip in the road, Tom took it, flying higher than normal. His eyebrows went up.
“I have been waiting to do that for a long time.” Daisy smiled at let out a YAHOO. She took out some of the bows and arrows sitting in the back.
“Hey Johnny…this is Bo, you and Catherine both bring your cars. If you know where Cooter is, we need him too.” There were gun shots behind him. “Highway six…got to go, bye.” Bo flipped the phone down. He looked at Tom who was having too much fun for words.
“Are you having fun yet?”
“Personally I don’t think you should be driving…you got off of work.”
“You wanna switch me?”
“Okay, I’ll shoot explosives.”
“Actually, let’s leave it to me, the bikini lady,” Daisy replied. She held the wheel as Tom made the way to the back. Bo got into the driver’s seat. Now the set up seemed weird. Bikini babe in the passenger seat…more experienced Duke in the back.
Bo was a great driver though. He couldn’t believe those three cars had managed to stay behind him. As the Calvary came, Bo smiled. “Daisy, you pass you the guitar to Catherine’s car,” Bo told her.
“Alright.” Now you know what was funny about this? Catherine and Johnny both carpooled. So, they drove vans to pick everyone up. So they had teachers in the back. However, they were southerners, they knew what was going on. A couple of them were Hazzardites themselves.
“You do it nice and easy.”
“I am.” Catherine grabbed the guitar. The person in her front seat held the wheel as she passed it back. The phone rang, Bo passed it to Daisy. “Hello?”
“What now? They’re all following me,” Catherine said over the phone.
“Just keep going with it…when you see Johnny coming the opposite way, get your passenger to pass it to him.”
“Some weird plan y’all got cooking but I hear ya.” Bo changed lanes and somehow switching back pretty quickly. He managed to get in between Catherine and the baddies.
Bo sounded the Dixie horn and kept on driving. The guys tried to shoot out his tires but Bo moved just way too fast for them. “Docee doe and dance away,” Bo called out.
“If they shoot your tires here y’all will stay YAHOO,” Tom exclaimed. They began speeding even faster than before. Sure enough, Johnny appeared on the opposite side. He grabbed the guitar. The baddies turned around.
As they did, Daisy shot an arrow; one of the guys went into the ditch. The other two went after Johnny. “You are…” Bo began.
“Amazing?” Daisy asked.
“I learned from the best.” Johnny took a turn onto a back road that he knew of. The cell phone, now on Tom’s lap began to ring. Tom answered it and listened for a few minutes.
“Okay, Cathy is goanna go one way, we’re going to follow right behind. She’ll take the guitar and we’re goanna take out another one of these cars,” Tom announced.
“Works for me,” Bo replied.
“Then Cooter is goanna help you take out the last one with one of his friend’s cars.”
“Cooter better know what he’s doing.”
“Yeah I hope so too.” Now this is action folks. I wish they brought a video camera don’t you? Now just as the two cars were gaining on Johnny, you could see Catherine grab the guitar just as Daisy let the dynamite fly. One car went over while another stayed firmly on the road.
“YAHOOO!” Daisy exclaimed. That’s when Cooter showed up cross country. Bo’s eyebrows went up. As the bullets ran out in the car, Bo and Cooter inched up, smashing the car together. Well that was that.
Well, the Dukes left them baddies to their mess. Nope, there was no one seriously hurt which was good. After saying their goodbyes Cooter, Bo and Daisy went back to Hazzard County.
We had the concert. With the left over money, we gave ol’ Lawrence the left over money. Jesse questioned where Bo and Daisy were but they answered, “Around.” Now ain’t that a perfect picture, for Hazzard County.