You’re Fired

by: Essy Jane

Ah, Hazzard County. Look at the blue skies. Look at the birds flying in the air. Look at—the General going over the water. Dang, I love them boys, they never travel the way other people do. Actually, if you look behind them, there’s Cooter driving Dolly.

So Hazzard is a different place but dang do I love it. After all, watch how fast them boys can go. Look at the water as it splashes. “Luke do you mind not going over bumps I need to use the bathroom,” Bo commented. Luke took a major jump.

“It ain’t my fault that you didn’t go,” Luke answered.

“You were the one who dragged me out of the house and said, ‘come on Bo, we need to check the new shocks.’ I didn’t have time to do much of anything.” Luke began to laugh. He got out of the water and onto the road.

Well I guess no one can be a fish together. “Hey Crazy C, how does it look back there?” Bo questioned over the CB.

“Dang Bo Dukas, you got some good shocks from me. It is looking fine,” Cooter replied.

“Well good, now can we get back to the garage?”

“Sure thing Bo ol buddy.”

“10-4 Cooter.” Bo put down the CB. “Finally, the throne’s invitation will not go unnoticed.”

Meanwhile, at the Hazzard County Sheriff’s office, Enos was just coming in. He looked at Boss Hogg and Roscoe who were conversing about one thing or another. Boss Hogg elbowed Roscoe as Enos walked in.

Roscoe straightened up. He looked at Enos. “Boy why ain’t you out there going after the Dukes?” Roscoe asked. Enos shook his head.

“That’s what I came in here to talk about,” Enos cut in. He shook his head, staring at both Boss Hogg and Roscoe. He didn’t know how to say it exactly. After all, Roscoe had been his friend for a long time.

“Well, spill it out Enos.” Enos took off his hat, staring at Roscoe. He cleared his throat.

“Mr. Hogg, Sheriff, I don’t wanna play anymore dirty tricks on the boys.”

“Say that again Enos, I have something stuck in my ear. I thought you said you don’t wanna play dirty tricks.”

“They’s good boys. They may have done a few things that ain’t good but—possum on gum bush, I really want to be honest. Bo and Luke are my best friends. They care for me. They love me a lot and to do this to ‘em…”

“Enos, I don’t pay you to think for yourself—leave that up to me.” Roscoe scratched his head. “Look, we’re anticipating the bad moves that them Dukes is goanna make.”

“Ding dang it, I just can’t do it. Daisy would be so disappointed.”

“Well boy, then hand in your badge, you’re fired!” Boss Hogg said.

“Boss, you don’t mean that,” Roscoe jumped in.

“I do, he’s been a thorn in my side since I hired him. Now, he needs to learn that I am serious so pack your bags. You don’t have a job anymore.” Enos’ head hung low. He handed Boss his badge and belt which included his gun. He headed out the door.

Now friends, this ain’t fair. This boy just wants to be a good law man. One of those just ain’t welcome in Hazzard I guess. But dang, I know this ain’t the last we have heard of this.

“Boss, why did you do that?” Roscoe asked. Boss Hogg shook his head.

“Look Roscoe, Arty will take over as your deputy. We have bigger fish to fry. You see this?” Boss Hogg questioned. He held up a poster of a wanted man. “This is a twenty thousand dollar reward for a robber who has been seen around Chickasaw County.”

“Oh Boss, he looks mean.”

“And that money looks good inside my bank. Now if those danged Dukes have anything to do with this, I won’t have my money—I mean my robber. So you get out there with Arty and you find my man.”

“Yes Boss.”

“You don’t rest until he’s behind bars and I have the reward.”

“And I have my fifty percent.”

“Roscoe, you have to account for my losses.”

“What losses?”

“Firing Enos.”

“But you…”

“Nope I say ten percent will work.”

“But I am capturing him.”

“And I am filling up your car to do it. Now, you get on your way.”

“Yes Boss.” Now friends, how do you like that one? Enos is fired and that dirty ol’ Boss Hogg uses it to cheat Roscoe.

2

Luke raced out of the bathroom he looked at the gang. Bo was sitting there sipping on a pop. Dodger and Cooter both had a beer. Now, this looks pretty peaceful don’t it?

Yeah I would say so but hey, with a robber running around this ain’t goanna keep.

“No one go in the bathroom,” Luke said. Bo laughed so hard that he flipped off his chair. The pop poured all over him. “You did that on purpose.”

“Nah, flying on my chair was no stunt,” Bo replied.

“No, the bathroom, you unloaded a stink bomb. I know it and Cooter loaned you the parts.”

“You can’t prove that.”

“Yes I can. When I lifted the seat there was a mechanism. You made it smell in there.” Bo began laughing.

“Still not enough proof.”

“You wanna make a bet?” Luke grabbed Bo’s hand and looked at it. He saw the oil on his finger tips. Bo held it up to a print Luke had on a paper. “You are blameworthy.” Cooter began laughing.

“You’ve been caught,” Dodger laughed.

“We both have didn’t we Luke?” Cooter added.

“Caught red handed,” Luke replied.

“Yeah well no one is perfect.”

“Well Cooter, you can’t have every skill.”

“Nah, being pretty is about as much as I got.” Luke began laughing. Luke noticed Bo walking out the door out of the corner of his eye.

“Where is he going?” Dodger questioned.

“I don’t know, maybe this long weekend is getting to his head,” Luke replied.

“You better go check on him,” Cooter commented.

“You think so?” Luke asked.

“Heck, when my little brother walked off, something was wrong.”

“Yeah—Bo was having fun and suddenly he walked away.”

“That ain’t like him.” Luke nodded. He yawned and stretched, looking back at Cooter.

“No it ain’t.” He walked outside and saw Bo sit down beside Enos. Luke stared at both his cousin and the un-badged deputy.

“I was fired,” Enos announced. Luke’s mouth hung open. Bo shook his head.

“He was fired for being honest,” Bo grumbled.

“What?” Luke questioned.

“Yeah, he was fired because he didn’t wanna play any more dirty tricks on us.” Bo shook his head again. His fists tightened up. “That ain’t fair.”

“Now Bo, don’t go gnashing your teeth now,” Enos cut in. He looked down at the ground. “It ain’t like there is anything we can do about it.”

“Enos, don’t say that.”

“Yeah, there is always something that you can do about it,” Luke replied. Bo nodded his head in agreement. “Enos, you can’t sit here and take this laying down.”

“Luke’s right.” Enos smiled largely like he always did. His eyes widened. Luke smiled and so did Bo. “Now that is the Enos Strait we all love and care about.”

“What are we goanna do though, I ain’t a hero or anything. I am just an ordinary man.” Luke smiled. He looked at his cousin smiling.

“Did you just catch a drift of what he said?” Luke asked. Bo smiled and rubbed his hands together.

“YAHOOOO, I sure did,” Bo exclaimed. He clapped with excitement.

“What are we doing?” Enos questioned.

“We don’t have to tell you Enos,” Luke said.

“Yeah, it was your dang idea, Enos,” Bo added. Enos scratched his head.

“What was?” He asked.

“We’re goanna turn you into a hero.”

“How are we goanna do that?”

“By paying a visit to the post office.” Now for those of y’all who are confused—well, I am on the same boat as you are. Stick around y’all, the couch maybe lumpy but the story is full of bolts from the blue.

3

Now, news travels fast in Hazzard County. Do you have any idea on just how many folks love Enos Strait? Yup, the number is huge. Now Boss Hogg can sit there and avoid the general public but there was one woman he couldn’t account for.

“Jacob-Daley Hogg!” Leila screamed. Uh huh, Boss Hogg’s wife. Well now you wanna know how to beat Boss Hogg. There are only two ways, send the Duke Boys after him or Leila Hogg.

Now Luke figured if he couldn’t win with his plan maybe Leila could bring Enos back in. Now he’s one smart cookie. Ladies and Gentlemen, now I expect great things from good ol Luke Duke.

Leila was a lot like a woman we all know, Lulu Hogg. Lulu always had the upper hand with her husband, Jefferson-Davis Hogg. I guess it only fit that Jacob-Daley Hogg also married a woman who was a Coltrane.

Anyway, Leila was a good friend of the Dukes. Always had been. You know, Jesse does get many good friends behind him doesn’t he now? Even though Perry wasn’t his friend at all, his sister really was an honorable Duke.

Leila used to come and eat over at the Duke place lots of times. I mean she was just excepted in ways you wouldn’t believe.

Everyone loved Leila Hogg. She was known for her many acts of service. I do mean many. Now this woman is acknowledged for her big heart and her…

“You full-size overweight ruffian!” As I was saying, her chock-a-block rant and rave when Boss pulls something like this. Almost amusing to watch ain’t it?

“Sugar plum I…” Boss began.

“Oh no you don’t, JD!”

“I don’t what?”

“You will not call me Sugar Plum and get away with murder.”

“It wasn’t a bloodbath that I was doing. You know I wouldn’t do something like that pumpkin.”

“I ain’t food JD, despite what I look like.”

“Look all I did was—do my job which keeps you in the life of luxury.”

“And perform a crime.”

“What crime.”

“You know what crime.”

“So what I just fired…”

“I know what you did; the whole danged Hazzard County knows what you have done.”

“Yeah—I noticed.”

“Good, I am glad you noticed something besides the money in your safe and them danged memoirs.”

“Those ain’t the only things I have noticed.” Now Boss had to do some quick thinking. Against Roscoe, this would be easy. Against Leila Hogg—well let’s just say this was a little bit harder.

“Oh?”

“I noticed that you have a beautiful face.”

“How dare you try to butter me up you plump over cooked turkey wing!!”

“Oh come Leila, it was crucial to being the commissioner of Hazzard County. It is my political duty to…”

“Be a jack ass?”

“To be a Jack—no, not to be a Jack Ass.” Boss had to think about his words for a minute. “It is my job to make choices that everyone might not agree with.”

“No one in Hazzard County thinks that poor Enos should be pushed out of the force.”

“Leila, you know—“

“That you are being a high-flying self-seeking dingle face.”

“Now Leila, that was uncalled for.” She slammed her fist down on her open palm. He swallowed hard. “Now I had too many on staff and…”

“You call three people too many!”

“Now, lamb chop…”

“Don’t you lamb chop me! Enos is the best part of this force and to have him missing makes it so I am doing fault-finding. Now you change it or else!”

“Or else what? What could you do to me?” Now come on Boss you don’t go and threaten a woman holding all the keys. Dang folks, he’s playing with fire. Not just a candle flame an inferno.

“Oh, you haven’t seen the weight of Leila Hogg!” She stormed out of the room.

“Believe me Leila, I have.” Boss started laughing. He shook his head. “Good luck on her ever getting me to change my mind,” He called down the hallway.

Now Boss is in a whole mess of trouble. And for all of those who don’t know trouble when they see it, let me spell it out for y’all. T-R-O-U-B-L-E, big trouble. Leila was sure goanna show him.

Now this day wasn’t over for Boss. You wouldn’t believe who came next. “JD you butter ball!” Jesse exclaimed. Boss Hogg rubbed his eyebrows.

“Oh great, its you,” he grumbled.

“You had better believe your buttons it is me. You sack of sad bones—you pip Mellon you…”

“Jesse come on, name calling is for children.”

“Well then, you better start yourself up because you are the only child I see here.”

“After all the things we have been through together. After you and me moon shinning together.”

“That was your idea to get more money.”

“Yeah and because you quit I had to learn how to do it again. No one likes mine as much as they like yours.”

“Don’t you be changing the topic, JD Hogg!!” Jesse shook his head. “Now you and I have been friends and enemies since we was sixteen years old. Although I didn’t always like it, we have been.”

“Yeah well…”

“Well Enos has been friends with my boys since—they were knee high to a grasshopper. You may even say he’s one of the family. To see him all crushed like that is—well it is plum awful.”

“Well that’s nice Jesse but get out of here or I’ll have you removed. ROSCOE!”

“Yes Boss?” Roscoe questioned.

“Please escort Jesse out of the building.”

“No problem Boss.” Roscoe straightened up. He took out his gun. “Alright you old goat you get moving.”

“Roscoe, don’t you dare point that pea shooter at me! I may be an old goat but I can still throw you over my knee and give you a dang good spanking,” Jesse replied. Roscoe jumped a little.

“Don’t you threaten me, I am an officer of the law.”

“And I know your pa.”

“Yeah and he don’t like you.” Roscoe stuck out his tongue. “So move it.”

“JD, you will hire him again mark my word.”

“GET!”

“I’m going.” Well friends, don’t worry, this will all work out. Just hold onto your chips ladies and gentlemen, we’re goanna make it through. Don’t munch too fast—you’ll get a tummy ache and miss something.

4

Boy howdy, now if this were a baseball game, the bases would be loaded and the coach would be bringing out his star Pitcher. Now since it ain’t baseball and we don’t have many star Pitchers in Hazzard County, we’ll have to settle for the Duke Boys.

I think that’s a better idea anyway. The Dukes know Hazzard County shuck and jive just as well as the Great Bambino knew his baseball. So move that rear end over to a snug spot and we’ll work out Luke’s plan.

Now first part of Luke’s fabulous plan was to get Enos in shape. You see Dolly driving up in there? Yup, that’s Daisy driving and Enos running behind her. Now why do you think she’s doing the driving?

Come on, have you ever looked at Daisy? Dang she has more beauty than Flash has fleas. Well that and if you know anything about good ol Enos Strait is that ol Enos loves Miss Daisy. Kind of brings about some motivation, don’t it?

After his long run, Enos went for his next training session. Luke coached him in the nitty-gritty tricks of boxing. Now Enos was pretty good for a beginner, even Luke could agree with that one. He seemed to pick it up pretty fast—but Luke still had advantage over him.

Soon he moved onto Bo, who would teach him two things. First of all, how to pace yourself while running. Now Bo was excellent in track and field. He was also a great linebacker. So you better believe Bo could run.

Enos liked working with Bo for the running. He made Enos do all sorts of training exercises they do in football. Bo was a smart cookie when it came to these.

Soon, Uncle Jesse was calling them to eat. They all sat at the table. “Dang Mr. Duke, it sure was nice of you to let me stay for a while,” Enos commented.

“Oh it is fun to have you here,” Jesse answered. He poured Enos some buttermilk.

“Gosh dang it Mr. Duke, you didn’t have to do that for me now. The lemonade would have been fine.”

“Now Enos you know as well as I do ya need a treat every once in a while. Besides, you deserve it. All that work you have been doing.”

“Yeah Enos, you have been doing really good,” Bo added.

“No kidding, he almost beamed me in the head while we were boxing,” Luke declared.

“Well he was running like a professional. I think he is ready to go and become a hero.”

“I’m so proud of you Enos,” Daisy said as she kissed him on the cheek. Enos went bright red and I do mean bright right red.

“Thank—thank you Daisy,” Enos replied. He had his big grin on but suddenly it faded. “What if Mr. Hogg doesn’t give me my job back?”

“Now Enos, don’t you worry about that.”

“Yeah Enos, we would never let you stay fired on our account,” Bo reassured his friend.

“Besides, if plan one don’t work, plan two will definitely be a sure hitter,” Luke laughed.

“Especially with Leila throwing fire from her eyes.” The whole Duke family began laughing.

“Now boys, you know tomorrow is church. Y’all have to quit scheming for the Lord ’s Day,” Jesse reminded them. Everyone rolled their eyes except Enos and Jesse of course. “Now I mean it. The Lord asked us to keep the Sabbath and dang it, the Duke family will listen.”

“Yes sir,” Everyone said at the same time. Now that is priceless. Jesse began laughing.

“What?” Daisy asked.

“Sure would be funny to watch what’s going on at JD’s house. After all, he did challenge Leila,” Jesse replied. Now everyone was laughing.

“You know that would be funny to see.”

“I wonder if she has moved back into his room yet,” Bo added.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Well by the time she’s done with him, he’ll wish he hired Enos’ whole family on,” Jesse said.

“Dang, I believe it.”

“Yeah, she’s good,” Luke added.

“Good ain’t the word for it,” Bo replied.

“What do you mean?”

“Great is the word. Leila will have Boss eating out of the palm of her hand in no time.”

“You’re probably right.”

“I know I’m right.”

“I’m with Bo. I have served her before. She can be nice but if you do something mean like not leave me a good tip…Miss Leila goes and makes sure you get what you deserve,” Daisy told Luke as she pushed her hair back.

Now just because you call fire salt, don’t mean that it won’t burn you. Hey that sounds pretty dang good. I am a great balladeer. Woo for me. Nah, I can’t take all the credit. You remember Waylon Jennings? Well now he’s my hero.

Anyway, Boss Hogg was sure that Leila’s wrath wouldn’t be horrible. However, he was about to find out just how bad it was. I told you he was in trouble. I couldn’t get him away from it even if I wanted him to.

Boss Hogg often came home to have lunch on the table. With Leila sitting there beside him. Imagine this if you will. Yes, there was a plate but no Leila. Now this didn’t bother him none. No, it had to have been the contents on his plate.

A piece of lettuce and a small slice of tomato. Well that and a note. Well you wanna see what that one says don’t ya? Well here you are, courtesy of me:

Dear Jacob-Daley Hogg,

If you look by my refrigerator, you will observe that yours is omitted from the picture. And if you look even closer, you will see that mine has a lock on it.

Until you put Enos back on the force, you will be on a diet. I had fried chicken and potato salad today. I hope this piece of lettuce and tomato makes you feel as satisfied as my meal made me.

I have moved my clothes into your room. Don’t worry, sharing that king sized bed will make me very happy. I know I snore but I can’t change that. So if you need to, you can put some cotton in your ears.

Love your wife,

Leila Hogg.

Now ain’t that a kicker. “No, white lightning!” Boss Hogg exclaimed. “Leila Hogg, you will regret this. Well no matter, I can get Roscoe to fix me up a little snack.”

Now if you think that this is bad, well it gets worse. You see, Boss went to go ask Roscoe for a bite to eat. Well Leila threatened to have him and Mama move in with her. Now the purpose of having Mama move in was to make JD go nuts. Therefore, he wouldn’t dare go against Leila.

JD hated his mother in law with a passion. He would never want her actually living with them. Not bad for a woman with weight huh? Well, keep watching y’all.

5

“Roscoe, I have lost five pounds and you have not caught that criminal. Chad Lando…now why ain’t he in my prison? Better still why ain’t I holding that money in my hands?” Boss Hogg asked.

“Well Boss, your chubby little hands couldn’t hold all that money Khee-hee-hee,” Roscoe said as he pinched Boss’ cheeks.

“Ah! Stop that you pea brain.” Boss Hogg shook his head. “Leila is driving me crazy. Look at me, I’m wasting away.”

“Sorry fat buddy but my hands are tied. Well actually no their not but maybe…”

“Roscoe do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Take off your hat.”

“Why?”

“So the circulation can return to your brain.” Boss got up and grabbed something. Roscoe waved his fist a couple of times before Boss Hogg turned around.

“Well hire Enos back.”

“Oh come on, then she’ll win.”

“Well you know I can’t do anything.”

“Not even my own waitresses will fix me a snack. They’re all part of my wife’s book club. Well that and Daisy told them not to.”

“Awe Boss.”

“Don’t you AWE Boss me, just get that bad guy.”

“Yes sir.”

“Get out of here!”

“I’m gone.” Roscoe ran out of the room. He went right to his car. He saw the Duke car parked in front of the post office. He put down one of his fire hydrants hoping that it would get the Dukes if he weren’t getting this Chad Lando.

He saw Enos inside. Now Roscoe is a many things but one thing he ain’t is a hard nosed jerk. He didn’t like the fact that Enos was fired. So when he saw him there, Roscoe wondered just what he was doing.

Roscoe cleared his throat. “Why Howdy Sheriff. I was just looking at these wanted posters. Possum on a gum bush, this one says a reward of $20 000 dollars. Ha hun! I think I could find this one,” Enos replied.

“I’ll Possum your gum bush you dipstick! What makes you think you can catch them you meow muffin?”

“Simple Roscoe,” Bo announced.

“Oh keep out of this Duke Boy!”

“Now Roscoe he’s the best deputy you’ve ever had. Now you know as well as I do that as well as I do.”

“You listen here Bo Duke. I couldn’t have stopped it. Boss’ word is the final enchilada.”

“Don’t blame him Bo, he’s just too yella to stand up to the Boss,” Luke announced.

“Now listen here you parsnip, I ain’t yella—he’s just scary.” Bo and Luke laughed.

“Now Bo, Luke, you be nice to the sheriff now,” Enos cut in.

“Yeah, be nice to me.” Roscoe waved his fist. “Or I’ll cuff you and stuff you.” Roscoe walked out of the post office.

“Hey boys, y’all wanna see if you have mail?” Miss Tizdale asked.

“Sure,” Luke replied.

“Well then take a number.” Luke did as she said, grabbing a number off the small red number holder. “Number one, you’re up.”

“That’s me.” Luke pulled out his identification. Even though Miss Tizdale had known him for a while—rules were rules.

“Here you are Luke.”

“Thanks Miss Tizdale.”

“Oh and say hello to that Uncle of yours. Every time I see him, I tell you my heart just melts.” Luke smiled and so did Bo. “Now y’all be safe now.”

“Yes ma’am,” Bo answered. Luke opened his letter. He began to read it and shook his head. “What does it say?”

“None of your business,” Luke replied.

“Luke…”

“Bo, just forget about it okay?” Luke crumpled the letter up and stuck it in the garbage can.

“Luke come on, I know something is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong Bo. Now, we need to get going.”

“Luke…”

“We have bigger fish to fry.” Bo shrugged.

“What do I care? It was from your father. I just thought you would like to…”

“Well you thought wrong.”

“This is the first letter you have seen from him in months.” Luke shrugged. He glared at his cousin.

“Didn’t I say drop it?” They walked over to the General Lee. Enos got in first. Bo got in the passenger’s seat. “It ain’t important.”

“Yes it is important.”

“No one died if that’s what you’re conjecturing in that head of yours.” Luke started up the engine. “Dad is fine—working as the army’s best friend.”

“Then what’s eating at you?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing you wanna talk about or nothing in General?” Luke began to drive away.

“Well, pick one.” Now you know Luke’s upset. But he ain’t fixing to tell Bo what he just read in that letter. Oh well I guess it is bad enough for that one. We’ll just have to find out huh?

6

Welcome back to your regular scheduled program. I hope you ain’t goanna go to the bathroom right now. This is just getting to the good part you know. I ain’t fixing on rewinding anything for ya now.

Oh really, you know that I want to help y’all out but I can’t. I am just a balladeer. I can’t leap through and stop the show. It must go on now. So don’t worry too much about it. Just make sure you take my advice.

The Dukes and Enos were about to go on an adventure. Now, Luke has a back up plan for everything. Remember, Leila was still working her magic on Boss.

Last night, Boss Jacob-Daley Hogg lay in bed with something that made a lot of noise. No, it wasn’t a bad muffler. It was the original sleep deduction devise—the snore. Now Leila was the champion of the snore.

Have y’all ever heard a motorcycle in the day time? Well now, take that there motorcycle and add about sixty to it. That’s Leila Hogg. JD couldn’t sleep a wink. He was food deprived and he wasn’t able to sleep.

If you wanna know what that does to a man, look at him. His eyes are droopy. He wants to fall asleep but just can’t do it. In his office, he wants to conjure up a stratagem to make more money.

All he can manage is stick drawings of him and Leila. Leila has a big pig with an apple in its mouth. Boss has a napkin tied around his neck with a fork and knife in hand.

You know, those ain’t bad for drawings. I wouldn’t of though Boss mastered the stick person so well. You know though, that was the least of his problems.
If y’all think that Boss Hogg’s wife sounds bad when he snores well then you have another thing coming. Think of a jet airplane. Now that there noise is Boss Hogg’s official I want food call.

Anyway, enough about Boss—we’ll catch up with him later. Right now, as Luke said, we have got bigger fish to fry. One fish in particular. Chad Lando, one of the biggest crooks around.

No, he don’t rob banks. He robs houses. Well, it wouldn’t be a normal Hazzard day if we didn’t have someone trying to do something wrong in Hazzard.

Now Luke knew as well as the rest of us if Boss Hogg got hold of this prisoner, the money would go to some dirty scheme. If Enos got the money he would be sure to help someone else. Now which person would you wanna give the money to?

Well, if you’re saying Boss then, why don’t you go join the force? I mean dang; you can attack the Dukes and all they believe in. If you say give it to Enos then please by all means, give yourself a pat on the back.

Now, Luke and the rest of the Dukes figured out where this robber was hiding out. Not a creative place. Now remember Boss Roscoe Coltrane? Well he made a plant by the Duke farm. However, it didn’t take off very well and he abandoned it.

Ain’t that funny ladies and Gentlemen? This thief was right under the Duke’s nose. You know though if I were that bad dude I would be running the opposite way. The Dukes ain’t someone to be messing with.

However, this guy is new to Hazzard. I can’t educate him because all he wants to do is—well you know shoot and ask questions later. I ain’t goanna approach him. My brains are sharper than that.

Anyhow, that’s where he was hiding. Chad wasn’t a smart man but I wasn’t one to argue with his choice. I guess it made it easier for them boys to come out and ask him to play.

It was time to send out Luke’s secret weapon. Barley clears a mud hut with a single jump. More powerful that a toy locomotive. Can fire a bullet—swims well occasionally. It’s Super Enos. Come on, I had to give some sort of introduction didn’t I?

Now this was goanna take some intellect. Bo and Luke knew what to do. After all, they used to play in this building when they were younger. Luke rubbed his hands together. He grabbed the bow and arrow. Luke shot up one single arrow over a post up there. The rope went over the post and the arrow hit the ground.

Now Luke and Enos would go up one side and Luke up the other. Bo had already gone up. Sorry I didn’t mention that before. I didn’t think of it as important until now. Well, there was a reason why Bo went up first.

Enos was good at many things but he wasn’t good at this part. You know, getting up without being detected and boy was it important that he was able to get up here. Luke pulled him up while Bo grabbed him and pulled him up.

Now this looked fairly easy. Enos jumps down and grabs a sleeping man. You must remember though ladies and gentlemen. This is Hazzard County. Nothing is as easy as it seems. So pay attention.

As Luke climbed up the rope, Bo didn’t think anything of it. His cousin was good when it came to climbing. He had climbed many peaks. Walls of buildings were slick but there wasn’t any problem.

“Ah, Bo…” Enos began.

“Shh, Enos, you’re goanna get us caught,” Bo announced.

“Bo…”

“Enos come on, you’re getting on my last nerve.” Bo felt the gun against his head. He put his hands up. “Is that what you were trying to tell me Enos?” Luke didn’t come any further.

“Yeah, there’s a gun to your head.” You see, if this dude saw him, those two were in hot water.

“Who are you two and what do you want?” Chad questioned.

“There ain’t no mountains around here so we thought we would explore,” Bo replied. Chad hit Bo in the head with the gun.

“Ding dang it, what did you go and do that for?” Enos asked.

“What does it matter to you?”

“He’s my friend.” Enos kicked the gun out of his hand. He grabbed his arms, wrestling him down to the ground. “I care about my friends. Luke climbed up wondering what was going on. “Hey Luke pass me that rope good buddy.”

“Sure thing Enos,” Luke replied as he smiled. He grabbed the rope and gave it to his friend.

“This is a citizen’s arrest pal. You’re going to jail now. No ticket to pass go for you.” Luke now paid attention to his cousin. “Is Bo goanna be okay Luke?”

“Probably lost a few brain cells but he should be alright.” Bo began moaning he looked up at his cousin.

“What did I miss?” Bo questioned. He sat up and saw the criminal all tied up. “Good job Enos.” Enos smiled.

“Why thank you Bo,” Enos answered. Now hey, he did a good job didn’t he? Well I bet you’re wondering what happened. Let me elaborate.

Sally and her partner came down and picked up Mr. Lando. While she was there, she gave Roscoe a little bit of love. He was a lot happier after that.

Enos got twenty thousand dollars and decided to share half with Boss Hogg. Now if you’re wondering why—so am I. Enos said if it wasn’t for Boss firing him, he would never have caught the crook.

Enos’ half of the money went to charity of course. Now you wanna know if Enos got his job back. Well of course he did. Whether it was his hero work, the money he gave Boss or Leila—we’ll never know.

Ain’t that a good ending? Nah, actually I think it is a great start. After all, this is Hazzard County and everything begins here. I like that fact. Everything begins in Hazzard.

Now soon after this happened, Bo went back to school and began preparing for prom. Oh wait, that too is another story for Hazzard County.

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