Are You Nuts?

by: Essy Jane

Welcome back to Hazzard y’all. I know, we’re in the school. In the office no doubt—waiting for Bo to see the principal. Now I bet you’re wondering what he did this time. Well, so do I.

Bo was wondering about it too. He had been pretty good today. He wondered what the heck was wrong with everyone. They were all acting funny.

First the teachers were smiling at him in the hallway. That was giving him bad vibes. Teachers never all looked at him like that without a reason. Now you can imagine what Bo Duke thought.

Yup, he was more than sure the principal was goanna tell him something big. You know what I mean. You don’t? Well let me educate you then on the thought process of Bo Duke.

Number one, they are all laughing at him for finally being caught in the janitor’s closet. Well, no one he knew opened the door. However, maybe it was the revenge of the janitor. You never know.

The second one Bo kept rolling through his mind was all the tricks he pulled on the teachers. Maybe he was caught. Perhaps they would suspend him just before grad. You know, not allowed to go.

The third, but not the final one, I don’t know for sure but Bo thought they might be telling him he doesn’t have enough credits. You know, believably Bo slept through classes or didn’t take enough. The teachers could be smiling because now he was getting his best desserts.

Bo swallowed hard as even more thoughts rolled though his mind. You know it is funny what happens when the principal gets to you. You never really know what the man wants.

“Bo come on in,” Principal Walton said. Bo walked in the office and crossed his arms. He stared at Principal Walton, drumming his fingers on his left arm. “Have a seat Bo.”

“Look if this is about the gal I was making out with in science I already got detention for that,” Bo commented.

“Bo, just sit down.”

“Yeah sure, bad news always comes when you need to sit down.” Principal Walton laughed. “It’s true. When Luke and me…”

“Luke and I…you mean Luke and I.” Bo rolled his eyes and growled. Now he knows what the words are. He just likes to talk that way.

“You know I have been teaching English.”

“Continue on with your theories.”

“When Luke and I came in here last time we were told that we were suspended.”

“Yeah so…”

“You told us to sit down.”

“Uh huh…”

“So, now you’re goanna do it to me again ain’t ya? You’s goanna suspend me before I get to go to grad and I haven’t even picked a gal to go with yet.”

“Bo…”

“Now that is just cruel Principal Walton.” He shook his head and glared at Principal Walton. “I thought we were buddies now. Friends don’t do this to each other.”

“No Bo, that’s not it at all, it’s…”

“Oh, it is the donut I did this morning in the parking lot ain’t it? I knew that Danny would squeal.” Principal Walton began to laugh. “Look, we came early. We hardly ever come early and now today here we were.”

“Bo…”

“So we decided to play around.”

“Would you…?”

“I wanted to do other tricks else where but then if I drove away I would have been late for school.”

“Bo, why don’t you ever wait for me to finish?” Bo shrugged and smiled.

“I guess it ain’t a part of my nature, Principal Walton.”

“Evidently not, Bo Duke. I don’t think you boys have ever waited for me to finish a single sentence. Not out of all the years I have know you.”

“I guess not.”

“You look like you have something on your mind.”

“Of course I do.”

“Spill it then Bo.”

“Now, did I come here to talk about the donut or the girl I made out with?”

“I didn’t even know you did those things.”

“Oops.” Bo blushed and smiled weakly. “You ain’t goanna…”

“No, I ain’t goanna apprehend you for that.” Bo wiped his forehead, showing his relief.

“Then what did you drag me in here for?”

“Bo Duke, you have the highest grade point average in the school.” Bo’s eyes widened. He slapped his ears a few times.

“Ah come again, I don’t think I heard you.”

“You had the highest grade point average on your S.A.T’s and you have the most outstanding grade record this high school has ever seen.”

“Are you nuts? I mean you have to be kidding me. There’s no way this is happening. I think you got your people mixed up. Lynn is the smart one.”

“Maybe she is smart but you are the one.”

“Me?”

“You are going to be our valedictorian.” Bo’s eyes widened even more. He shook his head.

“No way, give it to someone else, Principal Walton.”

“Bo, you know you’re the only one who I could give it to. The teachers are surprised.”

“Well I don’t want it, come on. You know I hate those things. It is bad enough everyone’s goanna be there. Now I have to go up and get on stage? Grandma will pinch my cheeks. Daisy Hogg will come up and…”

“Bo, you’re it. There is no way of getting out of this.” Bo shook his head. He couldn’t believe he had to do this.

“Fine, but don’t expect me to be happy about it.” Now for most you would think they would be pleased but Bo hated things like that. He wanted to walk across the stage and be finished. He didn’t wanna write a speech for everyone to hear.

2

Cooter began laughing. Bo shook his head. “You know I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” he grumbled.

“Bo, you’re fussing over nothing. You’re goanna get that speech done and then everything will be just fine,” Cooter said as he moved his hay from one pile to another.

“Yeah sure. Did you know that Great Uncle Luke is coming down?” Luke questioned.

“Well you’ll do fine in front of him.”

“I don’t know, I am self conscious enough with Grandpa and Grandma coming down. Daisy and Jaime-Lee are goanna be here. Essy and Judd are goanna be here and…”

“You just don’t wanna give that speech in front of them.” Cooter threw Bo a pitchfork.

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s a sad excuse.” Bo began helping Cooter pile the hay for his cows to eat.

“Well, I ain’t good at getting up there and making speeches. You know that as well as I do.” Bo shook his head. “I wish Daisy or Luke did it instead of me.”

“Well Luke has already done it and Daisy didn’t have a high enough average. You have the highest over all average in the whole school’s history. Bo, that’s big.”

“You ain’t goanna tell Uncle Jesse.”

“Nah, too big for me to tell your Uncle about—you need to tell him, Bo.”

“Yeah well maybe I don’t want it to be big.” Cooter smiled. He continued working with Bo.

“You know, I have known you since you were born.”

“You haven’t been around everyday.”

“So sue me you were in California.”

“Yeah I know.”

“I know a lot about you Bo Duke. I know that you have a big heart and that you are an amazing person.”

“Well geeze, where is that goanna get me? Roscoe P. Coltrane practically locks me up every week.” Cooter laughed. Lynn came out of the house.

“It’s dinner time y’all,” Lynn commented. Cooter ran in like it was nothing. You know? Miss Lynn Davenport has been taking all her cooking lessons from Daisy. You know how well Daisy Duke Cooks now don’t ya?

Bo continued to walk slowly. Lynn walked over to him. She looked right into his face. “I’m okay Lynn,” Bo mumbled.

“Yeah sure you are.” Lynn cleared her throat. “You know, you need to pick a date for prom.”

“How about you?”

“Me?” Lynn rolled her food in the dirt. She did have a bit of a crush on Bo. She would never let him know that.

“Sure, wouldn’t it be better to go to something with someone you like instead of some gal that will hang off you like you’re a car?” Lynn smiled.

“I would be glad to go with you. You’re goanna break a lot of hearts though Bo Duke.”

“Oh come on Lynn, they’ll live you know that as well as I do.”

“Bo, you’re a good man but you don’t know gals too well then. Everyone wants to go with you to grad.”

“Really? Am I all the talk in the girl’s bathroom?” Lynn began laughing.

“Why do you think that’s all the girls do? I mean we don’t all talk in the bathroom.” Bo tilted his head and looked at Lynn. “Okay, you are the talk of the gal’s bathroom.”

“Ah, that is good news for my reputation.” Lynn began to laugh. She shook her head.

“How about me, am I the talk of the boy’s bathroom?”

“The boys don’t talk in the bathroom—they don’t even like the word bathroom. You do your business and you get out of there as fast as possible.”

“No wonder there’s never a line up.” Bo began laughing. He gave Lynn a hug. “What’s that for?”

“For being so wonderful.”

“You’re too kind to me, Bo Duke. You know, ever since I came to Hazzard you have been the one person who I really considered a friend.”

“Yeah?”

“You better believe it.” Now Cooter, being the jealous father he was, watched them from the porch. Anyone going out with his daughter was goanna get some rules and I don’t mean hopscotch rules neither. Hang on y’all.

3

Now everyone around was planning for grad. Every teenager in Hazzard County who was old enough to attend. However, they weren’t the only ones who were planning things.

Now look over there at the Boar’s Nest. There’s Boss Hogg sitting there. Now don’t you wish the Dukes were around? I mean at least when Daisy Hogg was working there the boys got the inside scoop.

However, that gal ain’t old enough yet. Oh well huh? Anyway, Boss was sitting there when Roscoe came in. “Boss, I did it. I planted the evidence, Khee,” he told JD Hogg. Uh huh, now I don’t think this evidence is ice cream cones ladies and gentlemen.

“You done good, Roscoe—really good. Now they won’t find out what we have been doing,” Boss Hogg replied. He stood up and smiled.

“Our casino will be blamed on them and they’ll go to jail, Jit-jit…then them Dukes will be out of our way.”

“Well it’s a crying shame that Bo Duke will miss his prom.” Boss and Roscoe began laughing.

“You’re so smart my little fat buddy.” Roscoe pinched his cheeks.

“AHHHH! Stop that Roscoe.” Roscoe did as the Boss had said. Now wasn’t this funny? “Now you did make sure you did this after they collected their eggs?”

“You had better believe it Boss.”

“Good because if you did it any differently, them Dukes will try and get rid of the evidence. Then we won’t have a patsy.”

“We do have a patsy.”

“Who?”

“Patsy Morris that lives down the road from me and my mama.” Boss Hogg shook his head.

“I don’t mean a girl Roscoe I mean a fall guy.”

“You mean Terry the stunt guy?” Boss Hogg shook his head. He stuck his cigar back into his mouth.

“Roscoe, when they were handing out brains, you were in the height line because you thought it was the one for smarts. You went twice didn’t you?”

“Boss you…”

“Git going!”

“I’m gone.”

Now the Dukes were in trouble. They didn’t look in trouble sitting there to have a normal family meal before Bo went off to prom. Daisy had done his hair for him.

“You know, I really wish you would have let me cut your hair,” Daisy commented.

“It looks just fine the way it is,” Bo answered. He continued eating.

“Do you wanna bring Dolly tonight?” Bo looked at Daisy, his cheeks full of food. He chewed it up and swallowed.

“Why would I wanna do that? General Lee is working just fine.”

“She means so she don’t get her dress dirty,” Jesse cut in.

“Oh—right.” They continued eating when Luke and Bo heard something. They both stood up. Bo looked out the window. “It’s Roscoe?”

“What in tar nation does he want?”

“Uncle Jesse, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, we ain’t done nothing wrong,” Luke added.

“Why doesn’t that comfort me?” Jesse asked. Yeah, I wouldn’t be comforted either. Especially with all those slot machines in my barn. They were all sitting where the chickens would normally go.

“Just relax Uncle Jesse.” Roscoe walked into the house he looked at Jesse then at the Duke boys. The look in Jesse’s face was strong with fear.

Now, Old Jesse Duke was defensive of his boys and wouldn’t let anything happen to Bo and Luke. With Roscoe sticking his noise in the house at this hour, Jesse could only assume that it was some sort of trick.

“Hello Jesse—Daisy, boys,” Roscoe began. He looked at the oven. “What a marvelous smell, Daisy.”

“Thank you Roscoe—baking cake.” His nose went higher and higher as he sniffed.

“You know, that’s why I came over. Rhuebottom’s store closes at five and we’re out of eggs.” Uh huh, too sneaky for words—Roscoe has it down to a science.

“You wanna borrow eggs for making what cake?”

“What are you really here fer?” Uncle Jesse questioned. Luke elbowed him.

“Now Jesse can’t I ever come for a social visit?” Roscoe questioned.

“The day you stop working for Boss Hogg, sure. Until then you rat fink you can just git!”

“Uncle Jesse, that ain’t nice,” Luke commented.

“Well it wasn’t meant to.”

“All he came over for is some eggs.”

“Yeah, eggs my eye—he came for some other reason and I can smell it.” So could I. Well then again I knew something was up.

“Uncle Jesse come on, be nice.”

“You want me to be nice to someone who has put you two in jail?”

“Sure, we should give him the benefit of the doubt this time.” Jesse growled. Luke was right and he was goanna listen to him. I wish he would have listened to his own instincts.

“Come on Roscoe, we’ll ALL go out and get you your dang eggs then you can leave.” They walked out to the coop. As Roscoe looked inside, the boys were just as shocked as he pretended to be.

“These sure are some funny looking chickens—goo-goo,” Roscoe said as he looked at the buttons of the VLT’s.

“Roscoe you blundering idiot! You put them there.”

“You can’t prove that. Bo, Luke—you’re under arrest. You have the right…”

“Roscoe, we know our rights,” Bo announced.

“Well of course you do. Y’all are criminals.”

“No you’re the criminal.”

“You just hush Bo Duke.”

“Okay, then you are not a criminal,” Luke commented.

“Why thank you Luke.”

“You are a crooked Sheriff.”

“Haven’t y’all ever heard of the right of being silent?” Bo and Luke rolled their eyes. Roscoe slapped the cuffs on them and stuck them in the back of his police car.

“We have both heard of it.”

“Whether or not we wanna keep the right is a whole different story,” Bo added.

“You Dukes…” Roscoe began. He waved his fist a couple of times at the Duke boys.

“We’re pretty.”

“You two are very pretty—wait, no y’all are criminals and you ain’t escaping from me this time.”

“Not we’ve been booked up on the main floor where you can loose us in a minute.”

“Exactly.” Jesse and Daisy looked at each other and began laughing.

Now this ain’t right folks. How are the Dukes goanna prove themselves innocent if they are in the back of a police car? Well I guess we’ll have to find out.

4

The doorbell rang at the Davenport house. “Hot dang, Bo’s here,” Dodger commented. Cooter had his arms crossed. He looked pretty upset that Bo was going with him. Cooter had seen Bo work with the women. You know as well as I do he likes them all.

“Yeah, woo hoo,” Cooter grumbled.

“Oh come on big brother, he’ll be a gentleman.”

“Yeah sure, he’ll love her up and break her heart.”

“Lynn? Broken hearted—you know, you’re a lot alike you and your daughter.” Cooter sighed.

“I just remember that fast gal I was in love with back when we were in Montana.” The doorbell rang again. Lynn came down the stairs.

“Are you two just goanna let the doorbell ring or am I goanna see my date tonight?” Lynn questioned. She opened the door and saw Jesse standing there.

“Well, that’s your date I suppose.” Dodger and Cooter started laughing. “Uncle Jesse, you know if Bo was sick you could have just phoned.”

“First of all Cooter, I ain’t your Uncle Jesse. Second of all Bo ain’t sick, he’s in the slammer.” Lynn’s eyes widened.

“Dad can I use the bike?” Lynn questioned.

“In that dress?” Cooter asked.

“Oh come on, I can ride. Look, I need to get them out of there. If we can’t prove their innocent of…what did they do?”

“Roscoe planted VLT’s at our place,” Jesse added.

“Yeah, so let me use the Motorcycle.”

“Lynn, use the General Lee—it’s outside.”

“Sweet deal.” Lynn walked outside and got in. You could see part of her dress hanging out. Jesse walked outside.

“What makes you think you can help them escape?”

“Trust me, I am smart.” She started up the engine and drove away.

At the Hazzard County Jail, Bo was playing checkers with Enos. Now, the Dukes thrive when it comes to playing checkers. Anyone who has their mind in tact knows of this. Enos had Bo cornered for once and was really proud of himself.

“I’m goanna beat you this time Bo,” Enos announced.

“Nope—you forgot to king me,” Bo answered. Luke grabbed one of the pieces and put it on top for Bo. He moved his piece all over the board. Slowly Enos’ pieces all disappeared.

“Ding dang it Bo how did you…?”

“Simple Enos, Uncle Jesse taught me how to play.” Luke began to laugh.

“I should have known better.” Roscoe came down with two trays for the boys.

“It’s dinner time Duke boy—Enos, what are you doing fana—fining—talking with Bo and Luke?” Roscoe questioned. Enos shook his head.

“Sheriff they are my friends, Sheriff.”

“I don’t care if they’re mountain goats—they’re prisoners of the law Goo-goo. I am a shamed to call you my deputy.”

“Sheriff, you know someone could have framed them sheriff and we should go and look and make sure.”

“Meadow muffins! Now Enos, you will speak no more about it. They’s guilty.”

“Sorry fellas.”

“Now here’s your dinner.” Roscoe pulled off the covering. Bo and Luke shook their heads.

“Bread and water?” Bo questioned.

“Roscoe, you have got to be kidding me,” Luke added.

“Well you’re the ones who were bad. Shame, Shame, everyone knows your name,” Roscoe announced. He began to walk up the stairs.

“Roscoe, how about some grits?” He turned around, glaring at Luke Duke.

“You eat what you have or starve Khee.” He walked up the stairs.

“Dang it boys, I sure am sorry about all of this. I mean ding dang, I’ll get you something better to eat even if I have to talk Roscoe’s Mama,” Enos announced.

“Thanks Enos,” Bo replied.

“Yeah Enos, you’re a real pal,” Luke replied. Enos walked up the stairs. Bo and Luke looked at each other.

“So now what?”

“Well we break out.” Bo shook his head. “You don’t agree?”

“If you haven’t noticed Luke, the keys are over there on the far wall.” Bo pointed to them. “How are we supposed to break out of here without the keys? These locks are too old for me to pick.”

“Y’all call for a breakout service?” Lynn questioned.

“What are you doing here?” Luke asked. Lynn smiled. She looked at Luke.

“Put your hands up.” Luke did as she said. Lynn dropped down a blue waxy looking substance. Luke stared at it for a minute.

“What the heck is this for?”

“Stick that in the key hole.” Luke did as she said and took it out. He looked at the shape. It was exactly the same as the key to the cell. “Now toss it up here and be careful not to bend it.”

“Good plan Lynn.” Luke threw the wax up and laughed to himself.

“Thank you Lucas, always appreciate the compliments.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Think of what? What is going on?” Bo inquired.

“Lynn up there is goanna make us a key.” Bo smiled, he began laughing.

“Now ain’t that smart, Lynn you’re my kind of prom date.” Yup, now I wonder where Bo got the brains from anyway. I guess he’s gotta jump start his. Lynn works hard at her plots.

Miss Lynn had a lot of work to do in a short amount of time. She had to you know, make a key. The wax was for a mould in which she would put the key in and pour metal over top.

Next, Lynn would take the mould and cool in water. She would then pour more metal inside this new mould and there you are, one key. Now ain’t that slick? She sure is like Cooter ain’t she? He can invent anything.

Now Lynn Davenport walked back over to the jail cell. She dropped the key, which hit Luke in the head. “Owe! What was that for?” Luke questioned.

“I don’t know, seemed like the right thing to do,” Lynn replied.

“Uh huh.”

“I’ll start the General Lee. Luke, you go pick up Daisy and figure out what’s going on. She’s at my Dad’s place.”

“Okay.”

“Bo, you come to the garage and we’ll drive you home you can get dressed and we’ll go to prom.”

“Alright, works for me,” Bo replied.

“Why do I have to do all the hard work?” Luke questioned.

“Hey, Daisy and me took care of Hazzard while you were at your prom.”

“Good point.”

“Meet you in my Dad’s truck, Bo,” Lynn commented.

“Deal,” Bo answered. Lynn walked away.

“Bo—this is the only time I am goanna ask this…punch me,” Luke said, after Lynn was further away. Bo’s eyes shifted. He couldn’t understand why his cousin would want him to hit him.

“Why?”

“Come on, just do it.”

“No, I wanna know why.”

“Look, I’ll tell you after you hit me.”

“Are you sure you want me to hit you?”

“I asked you to. Now punch me right in the mouth okay?” Bo shrugged and socked Luke right in the mouth. He fell to the ground.

“Are you okay cousin?” Luke’s eyebrows went up. He took a deep breath in. “Dang, it looked like that hurt.”

“It did.”

“Are you goanna explain what we’re goanna do?”

“Yup—you see Bo…” You don’t think I would just tell ya what was going on do ya? Oh come on, you don’t know me too well then. Now folks, don’t go too far. Is a snack really worth missing all the action? I didn’t think so. So stay near ‘cause I am only goanna explain this once.

5

You would think that Bo and Luke would just use the key that they had made. Nope, that would be too easy. Besides that, they would be caught in the first five seconds. They had to wait until Enos came back.

Now I know what you’re thinking, you are wondering why. Well simple, the Dukes have a little shuck and jive rolling in their heads. You know, this could be a little tricky folks.

Now when Enos came down to get them their supper, a surprise was waiting for him. He heard a big bang. Now for all of those wondering what’s going on—well, so am I.

If Enos were smart enough, he would have noticed that Luke’s belt was off. In other words, that was what made the sound in the first place. If Enos was intelligent enough, he would have looked in the back of Bo’s pocket and he would have seen the rolled up belt.

Well of course he wasn’t. Shucking and jiving Enos was painless. Watch this if y’all don’t believe me. Luke was down on the floor moaning. Enos dropped the plates. “Luke ol buddy, what’s wrong now?” Enos questioned.

“Oh Enos, I don’t know, you better get Roscoe,” Bo replied. Uh huh, you had better get Roscoe…well you know what that means—sorry, I was sure you did.

“Possum on a gum bush! Come on now, hold on Luke.” Enos ran up the stairs like nothing. Bo smiled for a minute. Luke opened his eyes and winked. Now you know this is goanna be good.

“What are you two faking this time?” Roscoe asked.

“I don’t know—one minute he was talking about being jailed and the next he was on the ground,” Bo announced.

“Sheriff, he’s having post dramatic stress,” Enos told Roscoe. Now Roscoe was a little bit less believing with every reason to be. Them Dukes were tricky.

“It is post traumatic stress you cow cookie! Enos, he’s faking now,” Roscoe replied.

“No he ain’t Sheriff. Look at the red spot on his face! I think he really fell and hurt himself now.” Roscoe jumped.

“Judas Priest on a pony! Enos we gotta get him to a hospital. He might have brain damage.”

“Yes sir Sheriff, sir.”

“I’ll sir you Enos, you dipstick.”

“I was only trying to be polite.” Enos grabbed the keys. Roscoe pulled them right out of his hands.

“I am your superior officer.” Roscoe dropped his keys as he waved his fist. “Now look what you made me do—you dipstick.”

“I…”

“Hush.”

“You want me to get the door Roscoe?” Bo questioned.

“Sure, at least you ain’t a dipstick like Enos here. Even the dipsticks call him dipstick, Khee.” Bo pulled out his key and unlocked the door. You know, it is funny that Roscoe didn’t think any less about Bo having a key.

Roscoe and Enos walked in to help Luke. However, them two had a problem. Yup, that’s what happened when Roscoe felt he was the superior officer and that he had first rights to everything.

They were so busy fighting as to who would go in first, that something funny was about to happen. Luke crawled out the cell door. Enos and Roscoe didn’t notice until they were in the cell and the door was closed.

“Hey Roscoe, I feel a lot better now,” Luke said as he kicked the keys away.

“Come back here you—you…” Roscoe began.

“Oh, Roscoe, such strong words for me. I’ll see y’all later,” Bo said.

“Sorry Enos,” Luke added. They ran out the door.

“It’s okay, Luke—Bo,” Enos replied.

“No it ain’t okay—you beaver bagel! They just locked us in and ran away,” Roscoe answered.

“Boy howdy Sheriff, they did a good job didn’t they now. I wish I was as smart as they were.” Roscoe shook his fist.

“I’ll knock some smarts into you, ya dipstick.”

Now wasn’t that classic? I mean them boys are geniuses. I have seen them do this so many times it ain’t even funny. I tell y’all, Bo and Luke sure have their wits.

I know, let’s get back to the story right? You know, sometimes I just get off topic. I don’t mean to. You can’t really blame me. I mean really, I am human too.

Well Bo went off with Looney Lynn who was driving the cars away. She seemed to be happy driving—even though ol Bo would rather be behind the wheel.

“Oh come on, please,” Bo begged.

“You hit your cousin,” Lynn scolded.

“Look, he told me to. What was I supposed to do? Say no?” Lynn shook her head. “He did tell me to, I promise he did.”

“Well, why didn’t Luke hit you instead?”

“Simple, he wanted my face to be pretty for the prom.” Lynn laughed.

“It’s a wonder I like you Duke Boys at all. Y’all are so violent.” Bo shook his head.

“We’re not normally.” Lynn laughed. Bo didn’t get it. You could see it in his face. “What did I say?”

“I was teasing.”

“Oh—right.”

Luke on the other side of the situation was pulling jumps to get over to Cooter’s farm. You know why don’t you? So they could look for the stolen machinery.

“This is lost sheep one to Bo Peep, Lost sheep one to Bo Peep, come in honey,” Luke said over the CB.

“Nice to hear you sprung Lost Sheep one. You on your way, Come back?” Daisy questioned over the CB

“You had better bet your last dollar on that one. I’ll be there in half a smidgen so ya sit tight and look for me.”

“10-4 cousin and good luck.” Luke smiled. I agree with Daisy, them boys are goanna need a whole lot of luck. Especially with Bo going to the prom—don’t believe me? Well you just pay attention y’all.

6

Now as Bo made it to the farm, he had a little surprise waiting there for him. Nope it wasn’t a criminal at all. In fact it was a friend—two really. Dodger and Cooter—they ain’t here to borrow General Lee two.

“Hey y’all, look, I’ll be out in a minute. Talk with your daughter for a while Cooter,” Bo commented.

“You better hurry up,” Dodger announced.

“What did I do?”

“It’s what you’re not goanna do with Lynn,” Cooter grumbled.

“Okay…”

“Don’t play innocent. I know what I did on my prom. Now you ain’t goanna pull the same stupid…”

“DAD! LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lynn exclaimed. Bo walked upstairs quickly. Now I would have done the same thing if I were getting one of these lectures. “How could you do this? Now he probably doesn’t wanna go with me.”

“Now Lynn, I am your father and…”

“And you need to trust both me and him. He ain’t goanna do anything to me. Bo promised on the way over to be a perfect gentleman.”

“Men always make fake promises.” Bo came down the stairs holding a big brown box. Now this is different. Usually it is the gal coming down the stairs to meet the man. I guess we do things differently in Hazzard County.

“Lynn, this is for you,” Bo cut in. He set the box down. He pulled out a teddy bear and a Corsage. I don’t know about y’all but did you notice she stopped breathing for a second? Oh good, it wasn’t just me.

“Oh Bo you didn’t have to…” Lynn began.

“I did have to do this for you, Lynn.” Bo opened the box and placed it on her wrist. “Remember this night okay? Make it as special as you can make it. Before you go off to college—just remember this one night.”

“I will.” Cooter’s eyes rose to her. “Daddy I am going to college. I got the science scholarship.”

“You did?” Cooter questioned.

“Only because Bo gave it up to me—it is because of him that I get to go to…” Cooter looked at Bo. Bo shrugged.

“Bo why did you do it—why did you give up something that would have given you better chances in school?”

“Because, she deserves it, Lynn really deserves it,” Bo answered. Cooter smiled.

“Yeah but so do you. You are a smart kid Bo. You could go many places in this world.”

“I don’t need to go far. I have many things that people don’t have. That people probably will never have and so I consider myself the richest man in the world.”

“You’re serious ain’t you?”

“More serious than I will ever be.” Bo sighed and looked at Lynn. “You know, she has worked hard all of her life. She didn’t have family before you.”

“No I guess not.”

“I remember when my parents died, I was given to my Auntie Jessie. She was kin. She was the best kind of kin.”

“Yeah, I remember you saying so in your letters.”

“When she died, I still had kin who was willing to have me.” Bo swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He wasn’t about to cry in front of anyone.

“Jesse,” Lynn whispered.

“That’s right, my Uncle Jesse Duke.”

“He always did love everyone he came in contact with,” Dodger said.

“That’s what I love about him. When we came to Hazzard, it was him who picked us up and him who made us feel welcome here,” Cooter added.

“Yeah, I felt the same way. I wouldn’t trade my life here for all the scholarships in the world,” Bo announced. Cooter couldn’t help but smile at his friend. He gave Bo a hug.

“You know, you really are a good friend.” Bo smiled. He knew Cooter meant it.

“Luke would have done the same for her.” Cooter let go of his friend.

“Yeah but it means a lot from either of ya.”

“I know it does. I know that she will remember it too.”

“Of course I will,” Lynn said. Ain’t that one of them Kodak moments? I like seeing that. I hope them kids have a ball tonight, don’t you?

7

Now after picking up Daisy, Luke was driving towards the Boar’s Nest. “Why are we going this way?” Daisy asked. Luke smiled as he took another jump.

“Well I am trying to think of places where Boss would put this stuff,” Luke replied.

“Why the Boar’s Nest? I mean why would Boss Hogg risk putting it in plain view for people?”

“Simple, legal drinking age is what?”

“Well, it is 21 years old.”

“Exactly, none of us Dukes are allowed to drink.”

“Except Uncle Jesse, he can.” Luke sighed and turned the General Lee around.

“You’re right. Dang, sorry about that—I thought it would be the perfect place.” Luke looked in the stupor of thought. He snapped his fingers. “I got it.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the last place we would look.”

“Where’s that?”

“Where was our last adventure?” Daisy smiled.

“The factory by the Duke farm.”

“Yeah—I mean Boss Hogg wouldn’t have thought we would look there. Did you say the other day you saw some strange men around there?”

“Yeah I did, didn’t I?”

“Well I guess we’re goanna pay them boys a visit.” Luke jumped the General again. You know they shouldn’t have named him the General Lee. With all the flying he does—well…never you mind about that.

I think that General Lee does suit him. The General would have been thrilled to fly on a horse over a river. What makes me think he wouldn’t have done it in a car?

Well, the Dukes did something smart. Daisy took out her cell phone and called the State Police. This meant Sally would be on her way over just as the Dukes were getting there. Thank goodness for good tips.

As they drove over, Daisy noticed them loading a car. She pointed it out to Luke. He shook his head, thinking of what could be done. After all, they get away—so does the evidence.

“Luke we better get their attention and stop them from loading the car up or y’all will be up doing time for a long stretch,” Daisy told her cousin.

“I know, I know,” Luke mumbled. He shook his head. “Dang, I have to give this some thought.”

“Well you better hope your thought speeds like Superman or we ain’t goanna get through this one.”

“Yeah I know Daisy—I know.”

Meanwhile at the Hazzard County Jail, Roscoe and Enos were playing checkers in the jail cell. Now when Enos moved his king and jumped three of Roscoe’s pieces, Roscoe put them back on.

“Now Sheriff that’s cheating,” Enos commented. Roscoe growled and took the pieces off. He took out his gun and shot three of Enos’ kings.

“There, now we’re even,” Roscoe replied. Enos was about to say something else when Boss Hogg came running down the stairs.

“Who’s trying to escape from—Roscoe, what are you and Enos doing in that cell?” Boss Hogg asked.

“We’re playing checkers Boss.”

“I can see that you pea brain. What happened to Bo and Luke?”

“Well you see—they uh…they got away.”

“How long have you two been in here?”

“Three hours.”

“Roscoe, you idiotic nincompoop! You—waste for a sheriff! How did you let them escape?”

“You mean how could I let them escape!”

“How dare you correct me!”

“Sorry Boss—uh it’ll never happen again.”

“It better not.” Boss Hogg shook his head. “Look you two, if the Duke Boys ain’t back in these cells I’ll…”

“See that we get replaced with Flash.”

“I’ll see that you get replaced with—that dumb pooch? No way.” Boss puffed on his cigar. “No, I’m goanna make sure that you and your deputy get transferred to LA to do Parade Patrol.”

“Clean up horse apples?”

“Yep.”

“Open the cell Boss!” Boss Hogg grabbed the keys off the floor. He played with the set of keys. “Now, we’ll get them Boss. You can trust me.”

“Why do I have no confidence in you at all?”

“Boss come on, I am your brother in law.” Boss Hogg rolled his eyes.

“Quit reminding me, Roscoe.”

“We’re goanna go after the Dukes?” Enos questioned.

“Yes of course we are going after the Dukes,” Roscoe replied.

“Hopefully you don’t shoot them like you did them checkers.”

“Oh so you shoot at checkers and not the Dukes huh?” Boss Hogg asked.

“Well—umm Jit-jit, Enos why do you even open your mouth?” Roscoe replied.

“It’s your fault pea brain not his.” Enos began laughing. Roscoe cleared his throat. Enos stood up straight. Jacob-Daley Hogg finally found the right key.

“You know you have to turn that fat buddy.”

“I know how to use a key.”

“Sorry Boss.” Now with the Sheriff department going after General Lee, I wonder how this will turn out. Watch out y’all, let’s see if Roscoe can catch two of them at the same time.

8

Now as Bo and Lynn were having their first slow dance of the evening, Daisy and Luke were shooting off two arrows. They exploded on both sides of the baddies. When the bad guys were looking around for who done it, Daisy blasted the Dixie horn.

“What did you do that for?” Luke asked. Daisy got in the driver’s seat.

“We need to round them up. Unless you had a better way of doing things,” Daisy said as she started up the engine. Luke shook his head.

“You are crazy. They have guns.”

“You think?” Daisy laughed and Luke rolled his eyes. “Well get in Luke.”

“Alright, who am I to complain?” Daisy put it into drive and away she went. There were three cars and nine motorcycles behind them. Now when Daisy does something, she does it right.

“Alright now this is a prom night YAHOOOOOO.”

“Don’t get too excited Daisy, I ain’t itchin’ to be your date.” She turned a sharp corner. General was half sticking up.

“That’s only because we’re family.”

“No that ain’t the only reason now is it?”

“Oh my driving.” She landed flat. “There you go, all better.” One of the cars tried the same thing and ended up rolling into the ditch. Daisy made circles around the Duke farm. Luke was surprised.

“That’s one down.” Daisy winked as she continued to drive. There was a small dip in the Duke boy’s field. Daisy took it like it was nothing. “YAHOOOO!”

“That’s the spirit, Luke, Whooo.” One of the motorcycles tried to pull right along side of Daisy.

“Why are you letting him get so close, Daisy?”

“Wait for it.” Daisy drove by the rainbow mines. Now what was this gal doing? She began to shift over. The driver of the bike pulled on a rope as his bike fell down the shaft.

“Ah, I see you have taken lessons from Bo.”

“No way sugar, he took lessons from me.” Luke began to laugh as he shook his head. “You know, that’s two down.”

“Yeah and ten to go.”

“Oh come on sugar, they’ll be gone in no time. You just sit back and tighten that there seat belt of yours. We’ll really show you how to rock. Come on General.”

“Look, just don’t do anything too drastic okay?”

“You are no fun Luke Duke.” Daisy did a donut and started chasing the car that was chasing her.

“What are you doing? I said nothing drastic.”

“I am a Duke, everything I do is drastic.”

“You’re goanna get us killed.” The car turned around quickly. Two more motorcycles went off into the small pond the Dukes have on their property.

“Eight to go.” Daisy began knocking the car off the road.

“You do know this is crazy.”

“Well then call me the head nut.” Luke just stared at her. “Don’t worry, I’ll be done with this one in a second Luke. You just hold on and don’t worry.”

“Yeah, you would say that.” She hit him again, running him off the road. “Daisy, keep him steady.” She rammed him again. The car went off with the other one.

“Seven.” Luke shook his head. He picked up the CB. “What are you doing?”

“I am goanna call Cooter. Remember, he was goanna go over to our farm to talk to Bo?”

“Oh yeah before he went to prom.”

“Yeah well with the way you’re letting these dudes go—we need some help.”

“I hear ya, call him in.”

“This is Lost Sheep to Crazy C, where you at good buddy, come on?” Luke said over the CB.

“Breaker one, breaker one, I might be crazy but I ain’t fixing on being dumb, CRAZZZY Cooter comin’ at ya. I have my ears wired and my car tired. What do you need lost sheep?” Cooter asked.

“How would you like to play the part of Ol Smokey in the Hazzard play?”

“Well Lucas I would like that just fine. Who do you need me to round up, come on?”

“There’s baddies around our farm who have lost control of our vehicle. They are all over our land—and the farm beside us. Around the main roads.”

“I hear ya.”

“Come prepared to hog tie.”

“10-4 Luke, I’m gone. Dodger will help out too.” Luke put the CB down. Daisy took another jump. The seven motorcycles followed her. This time two tried to take her.

“Oh no you don’t you ain’t getting the best of a Duke,” Daisy commented. She served a few times, left and right. She began to speed up faster. Daisy turned on the main road.

“Where are you going?” Luke questioned.

“I am doing some bird watching.” Daisy did another jump through the trees. Two of the motorcycles tried it and landed in trees.

“Look at that, two yellow birds. They look pretty good.”

“I will name them.”

“What?”

“Ye Yellow dirt bikes.” Daisy laughed and Luke began to join her.

“Five left Daisy.”

“Yep I know.”

“Hey y’all this is the Bullet Dodger calling the lost sheep. How many more of these bad boys do you have left?” Dodger questioned over the CB. Daisy grabbed the CB before Luke could.

“This is Bo Peep here, we got five on our tail. How many hogs do you have in your playpen?” Daisy asked over the CB.

“Five.”

“Don’t forget to go bird watching. This is Bo Peep over and out I’m gone.” She put the CB down.

“You are just loving this, ain’t you?” Luke questioned.

“Of course I am.” Daisy’s eyebrows went up as she continued to drive. “You start with a fly, give your honey a swing.” Daisy jumped the General again. She went around in a circle, two motorcycles crashed into each other.

“What are you…?”

“Luke, why do you even ask?”

“Beats me.”

“Three left.” Daisy drove back towards the factory. She went inside and broke the back of it. Dang, Boss wasn’t goanna be happy with his new back door.

“Okay then get them.” Suddenly, Daisy heard the sirens of three state police cars. They pulled over the last three.

“Awe they ruined my fun.”

“Ah Daisy, we can let them have some sort of adventure.”

“I guess I have to huh?”

“Yeah I suppose so.” Daisy pulled over and laughed. “You know, I think I did very well.”

“You did.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah—and let’s pray I never have to drive with you again when you’re in this mood.” Daisy began to laugh.

“I wasn’t that bad.”

Let’s see, Bo had a great prom. He and Lynn were voted King and Queen of Hazzard High School. They looked good with their little items. Not bad for Bo huh? From prisoner to King. Now how much better do you get than that?

When Roscoe, Boss and Enos got there, the state police were already cuffing and stuffing. This not only disappointed Roscoe but made Boss upset.

Why? Well unless he wanted to join the boys he hired in prison, he would have to give up all his machines. Not fun for Boss but a great laugh for Daisy and Luke alike. You have got to love that.

Bo thanked Luke for his prom by doing something nice for him. The younger cousin put a steak on Luke’s face, slowing down the swelling. Luke had quite the mark there didn’t he?

Well that’s prom night, Hazzard Style.

THE END

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