Disclaimer: the Dukes aren’t mine, Hazzard’s not mine, and Roscoe’s not mine, although I wish he was. All complainers will be cuffed and stuffed.
Vixey was tired. It had been 3 months since their son Patrick was born and neither one of them had gotten much sleep. Boss was constantly yelling at them for falling asleep on the job but he loved his nephew dearly. Daisy had been taking care of Patrick when she didn’t have to work, but today was not one of those days so he was with Vixey. She was enjoying being married and being a new mother again, but something wasn’t right. Even though she knew that Paul laws safely locked away, she still had nightmares, which robbed her of the little sleep she got. Roscoe wasn’t feeling much better either. He had never been a father before and it was harder than he thought but he loved every minute of it, well except the diapers.
As he came in from patrol, he saw Enos holding Patrick and Vixey smiling. “Be careful you dipstick. If you drop him I’m gonna knock you into the middle of next week.”
Vixey put her fingers to her lips. “Shh, Enos got him to sleep. He’s not going to drop him. He’s being very careful.”
Enos was grinning from ear to ear. “Gosh Vixey, he sure is cute.”
“Yeah and he looks like his daddy too,” Roscoe bragged.
“And he’s got his daddy’s hard head,” shot Vixey. She smiled as Roscoe gave her a look. She giggled. “He’s as stubborn as his Daddy too.” She yawned and sat down at her desk. “Just put him in his carrier when you’re done holding him.’ She leaned back and in a matter of minutes was almost asleep when Boss stormed in.
“Do I pay you to stand around all day looking at a baby? Get back to work!” He slammed his office door, which woke Patrick up. As he started to cry, Vixey took him from Enos and marched into Boss’s office. “Boss, just because you’re in a bad mood doesn’t mean you can take it out on an innocent baby and his mother who is very irritated because she hasn’t had much sleep in 3 months. Now if I were you, I’d calm myself down before you hurt yourself.” She took a deep breath and found that she felt better. “Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system would you like to hold your nephew?” He opened his mouth to say no, but closed it when he saw Patrick reaching for him. Vixey smiled and handed him the baby. Patrick looked up at Boss and cooed. Boss smiled, “well he didn’t turn out to bad for being Roscoe’s.”
“Now Boss, that’s not fair. Roscoe’s pretty smart when it counts. He figured out how to put the crib together.”
“Well that was one thing. Is he a good daddy?”
“Of course he is.”
“No buts, well maybe one. I just feel like something’s not quite right. Like someone’s in trouble or something.”
“That’s just nonsense you’re talking. Everything’s fine.”
“Boss, can I talk you about something?”
“I thought we were talking.”
“Well this is kinda personal. When you involve Roscoe in some of your schemes I know sometimes they get kind of dangerous. Roscoe’s got a family now and I don’t want anything to happen to him. So, next time you cook up one of your plans, just keep that in mind and try not to get Roscoe in such a dangerous position.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“Thanks.” He handed Patrick back to her and sat back in his chair. As she sat down at her desk, the phone rang. “Hazzard County sheriff’s office? This is she.” Roscoe listened carefully. He hoped it wasn’t Paul.
She smiled as she recognized the voice. “I don’t believe it. How are you? Oh I’m fine. I’m married and we have a 3-month-old son. Yeah, uh huh that will be great. See you later then. Yeah I should be here. Okay, bye.” She smiled at Roscoe who looked very confused.
“Who was that?”
“An old friend I haven’t seen in 6 years. He’s coming this afternoon. You’ll meet him when he gets here.” He didn’t like the way she said old friend. He wondered who it could be. He thought he had met all her friends at the barbeque.
Later that day, Vixey was in stitches waiting for her friend. As she looked up from her paperwork, she heard an engine cut off. It sounded like a motorcycle. Roscoe looked up with interest. As the door opened, it revealed a man in his late forties with gray hair. He was wearing a battered old baseball hat, faded blue jeans and a blue shirt. He had a huge grin on his face.
“There’s my girl!” He strode over, picked her up and swung her around in a huge bear hug. Vixey also had a big stupid grin on her face.
“It’s been too long Quint.”
“You got that right. I got a surprise for ya.”
“Not more shark jaws I hope.”
“Nah,” he turned to the door, “come on in.”
As Roscoe looked at the door, a blondish brown haired woman in her late twenties walked in. She was wearing a red tube top and red leather shorts.
Vixey gasped. “Jayde, is that you?”
“No, I have a twin, of course it’s me.”
“I thought I heard that old Harley pull up.” Vixey stepped forward to hug them both.
Jayde got right to the point. “So where’s this husband and kid of yours?”
Roscoe stepped forward. “I’m her husband and our son is right there,” he pointed to the desk. Vixey picked up Patrick and handed him to Jayde. Roscoe tensed up, ready to dive to the floor in case Patrick was dropped but Vixey put her hand on his arm. “Calm down, Jayde’s been handling my kids ever since I started having them.”
“Sorry, Baby, I just don’t want anything to happen to him.”
“I know, but Jayde and Quint are like family. I mean these two nuts are the best friends a girl could have, next to her husband.”
“Well if you trust them then so do I.”
Jayde rolled her eyes. “Well great, now that we got all that fun stuff out of the way, how good of a chance is there that you’ll be able to show us around in the next ten minutes?”
“Not that good, I got 30 more minutes till I can punch out.”
“Well that bites a big one.”
“I know but I get to work with my hubby and my favorite deputy so it ain’t all bad.” She looked up as she heard the door open to see Bo and Luke walk in.
“Hey Vix, we just wanted to let you know we’ll be at the Boar’s Nest.”
“Great. Ohh, I have a great idea. Bo, Luke these are my best friends Quint and Jayde. These are two of my cousins. Why don’t you take them with you until I get off?”
“That’s a great idea,” Bo said, looking at Jayde. Vixey noticed that Bo and Jayde had an unspoken chemistry.
Meanwhile at an old cotton mill, two mean looking men were discussing their latest plans.
“So, Jack, what about the cops in this town?”
“Aw come on Moose, the sheriff’s so dumb he wont even know what hit him. He’s too busy being married for us to worry about. The way I figure, if we get in trouble, we kidnap his wife and we got the money in the bag.”
“I’ve heard about her. She’s a wild one from what I hear. So here’s what we do. At noon tomorrow, we run in, get somebody to open the vault and take the money. Then, we get us a hostage, maybe not the sheriff’s wife, but somebody that doesn’t look like they’d give us a lot of trouble.”
“Great, noon, tomorrow, we’ll be on easy street.”
That same time, Vixey was clocking out.
“Vixey, where do you think you’re going?” She turned around to see Roscoe glaring at her.
“I’m going to the Boar’s Nest to be with my friends and my family. And if you had any sense of fun, you’d clock out and go with me. Who knows, maybe we can get Daisy to watch Patrick tonight and we can have our own fun.”
Roscoe made his surprised noises that drove her crazy as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “Come on Roscoe, live a little. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we still can’t have fun. Go with me.”
“Well, ok let me clock out.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Within minutes, they were on their way, Patrick in tow. Moose and Jack were at the Boar’s Nest when they walked in.
“Hey Moose, that’s the sheriff’s wife.”
“She’s a purdy one. She looks familiar.”
“And that must be their kid. Who’d ever think that a nitwit like him could get a woman like her?”
Vixey and Roscoe sat down at the table next to their cousins. Bo, Luke, Uncle Jessie, Daisy, Jayde, Quint and Cooter were surprised to see Roscoe.
“Hey Roscoe, glad to know you can have fun with the rest of us,” Bo joked.
“Well, my wife convinced me to come.” He loved say ‘his wife’. He was proud to be married to a woman like Vixey, even though she had some weird friends and wild cousins. He was surprised to feel Vixey’s hand on his thigh. He looked at her questioningly. She smiled and continued talking. “You have no idea how much it takes to loosen him up sometimes.” Vixey looked at Jayde. Jayde at the moment was all but sitting in Bo’s lap. Bo couldn’t be happier.
Later, Jayde and Bo went for a ride on Jayde’s Harley Davidson. He was surprised to see a woman riding a heavy bike like this. Vixey had gotten Daisy and Uncle Jessie to watch Patrick and Bo suspected that they were parked in Skunk Hollow. As they rode by, Bo’s feelings were confirmed by Vixey’s caddy turning down the road that led to Skunk Hollow. Jayde also noticed it and shook her head and grinned. “I swear even marriage doesn’t change her wild ways.”
“She always this wild?”
“Sometimes wilder. I remember one Halloween she dressed up as a black cat. We went club hopping and by the end of the night she had about 30 phone numbers and the key to one guy’s apartment. She sent it back though. She was wild, but she wasn’t a slut, well much of one.”
“That’s my cousin.”
Vixey and Roscoe sat in the back seat. Roscoe had his arm around her and she was slowly falling asleep. They were listening to the radio and their close proximity made it hard for Roscoe to keep his mind on the music.
“How many more kids you want?”
“‘Bout a million,” she replied sleepily.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Yeah, let’s have about five or so.”
“Why did you marry me?”
She sat up and looked into his eyes. “Cause I love you, you nut.” His next thought was lost as he felt his wife’s lips on his. His arms instinctively wrapped themselves around Vixey’s waist as the rest of the world was forgotten.
Hours later, Vixey looked at her watch. It was getting late and they had to be at work in the morning. Roscoe had fallen asleep in the backseat so she carefully slipped into the front and started the motor. She smiled as she headed towards home. She hadn’t expected marriage this soon after Paul but Roscoe completed her. She wondered why he’d had asked her reasons for marrying him. It didn’t bother her that he was no Einstein; she loved his little dimwit moments. And she was the only one who thought his laugh wasn’t annoying. As she turned down their driveway, she wondered if she was going to have to carry Roscoe in the house or just leave him in the car. She knew how sound a sleeper he was. She carefully picked him up the way he had on their wedding night and entered the house. There was no sign of Jayde but Quint was snoring on the sofa. She was glad to have him around when she was feeling so uneasy. As she laid Roscoe down on the bed, he mumbled something in his sleep and pulled her down to the bed. Chuckling softly to herself she carefully wriggled out of his arms and pulled his uniform off, leaving him in his undershirt and boxers. She hung his hat on the bedpost and went in the den to call Daisy. Uncle Jessie answered.
“Did you have a nice evening Vixey?”
“I sure did Uncle Jessie.”
“Lets put it this way, I had to carry Roscoe in the house and put him to bed. He is conked out.”
She could hear him laughing. “Here’s Daisy.”
“Hey Daisy, how’s my little man?”
“He’s out like a light.”
“Just like his old man.”
“Had a good time did we?”
“You could say that. Are Jayde and Bo still out?”
“Well tell Jayde to call me when they do get in.”
“If I’m awake I will.”
“Ok and thanks for taking care of Patrick for me.”
“No problem, he’s an angel.”
“I know, well goodnight Daisy.”
She hung up the phone and looked around for something to do. She wasn’t sleepy yet and she was a little hungry besides. She went to the fridge and found a turkey sandwich that she hade made yesterday and got to occupied to eat. “Whazzat?” She head Quint sleepily say. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“Nah, I was just resting my eyes.”
“Yeah sure you were.”
“Still out with my cousin.”
“Good then we have time to talk.”
“I have two ex-friends coming this way to rob the bank. They wanted me to join in but I don’t do that sort of thing so I told them no. That’s when they came after me. I found Jayde and we came here to see you, and to warn you. I saw them in town this morning and at the Boar’s Nest later. I’m afraid they might hurt you.”
“How do they know me?”
“Remember Jack and Moose?”
“Oh no, them?”
“I though I recognized them. Jack used to ask me out every week.”
“I remember that. You remember when they robbed that jewelry store and Jack dropped his wallet and went to the police to claim it?”
She collapsed in a fit of giggles. “Talk about stupid. Roscoe would love to hear that one.”
“Yeah, you’d better get to bed.”
“I’m waiting to hear from Jayde.”
“I’ll wait up for her. I’m not sleepy anyway.”
“No I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“I don’t sleep well the first night in a new place, you know that.”
“Me neither. Well ok. Goodnight Quint.”
“Night Vix.” He sighed as he watched her go down the hall. Roscoe was a lucky man, he thought to himself.
As Vixey slid under to sheets next to her husband, he groaned and rolled over, his arm curling around her waist and pulling her closer.
“I was, but now I just want to hold you.”
“I love you Roscoe.”
“I love you too Vixey.” As they drifted off to sleep, Vixey thought about what Quint had said.
The next morning, Jack and Moose had moved their plan up to 9am, opening time. As Vixey walked down the street towards the post office, she head the bank’s alarm and saw two men running out with big sacks. She guessed what had happened and started running toward the sheriff’s office to tell Roscoe. As Jack drove away, Moose told him to get next to the curb so he could grab a running red head. Carefully, Jack drove up beside the curb and Moose jumped out and pounced on Vixey.
“Get you hands off of me. Help!” She tried kicking him with her heels but he pinned her legs and arms and drug her to the awaiting van. Cooter saw the whole thing and got on the CB to tell the boys and Roscoe. By the time Roscoe got outside, he caught a glimpse of the van but couldn’t get a plate number.
Meanwhile in the van, the two men had just realized who they had caught. “Vixey?”
“Moose let me go.”
“No way, I remember how good you are with your heels. I still got a scar.”
“Well you deserved it. Come on you guys, are you still robbing banks?”
“Yep,” Jack said from the front seat. They drove out of town with Roscoe in hot pursuit. Jack looked back at him nervously.
“You’d better get on the radio and tell your husband to back off or we’re gonna start shooting.”
“I don’t think so.” In one movement, she wriggled free of Moose’s grasp and kicked the back doors open. Moose came after her but she gave him a kick to the knee and jumped out of the moving vehicle. As she fell, she tucked her head into her body and rolled into the grass. She heard the squeal of the brakes and jumped up to face her would-be attacker. To her surprise, it was Roscoe.
“You ok,” he worriedly asked as he hugged her tight.
“I’m ok, I just need some air.”
“Ok,” he said still hugging her.
“Roscoe, let go I cant breathe.” He finally let go enough for her to suck in deep breaths.
“I was afraid I was gonna lose you.”
“Not with those two around.”
“You know them?”
“Unfortunately yes. One of them used to go out with Jayde. They’ve been robbing banks for 10 years now and haven’t got any better.”
Roscoe giggled his sexy giggle. “Well now what?”
“Well if I know them, they’re hanging around an abandoned building.”
“Well that’s a lot of looking to do.”
“Yeah, lets get the gang together at Cooter’s and discuss our plan.”
“Good idea.” So Vixey got on the CB and radioed Uncle Jessie who called Daisy, Who called Bo and Luke, Who called Jayde and Quint who Called Cooter, who called Enos. Daisy left Patrick with Mrs. Tindsdale and they all met up at the garage where Vixey told them the story of Moose and Jack. Jayde filled in the parts about she and Moose dating and made a face while she was telling it. Just then. Boss came in as mad as a hornet.
“You Duke boys robbed my bank!”
“No Boss,” Vixey protested, “They didn’t. Two guys named Moose and Jack did. They kidnapped me, but I got away. I’ve known them since high school and even then they were trouble.” She told them how they were suspended almost every day.
“Did you notice anything about the van,” Bo asked.
“Well, not really, just this flower that I found in the back.” Vixey showed then the purple and red flower that she had found.
“That’s a rare Violet rose,” Enos pointed out, “And they only grow one place in Hazzard. The old grits mill on Catfish Creek Road. Let’s go.”
“Not me,” Roscoe started, “Me and Vixey are gonna stay here.”
Vixey gave him and angry look. “Says who?”
He looked at her in surprise. “You mean you wanna go after them?”
“OF course. Now what are we waiting for?”
So they all headed after Jack and Moose, who were back at their hideout counting up their money. Meanwhile, the Posse was closing in on our bumbling bank robbers.
“Well Moose, I guess we better pack up and move to the next town.”
“I still want to see Jayde.”
“Well we ain’t got time for romance.” Jack looked outside and saw the cars driving up. “We got company, but how’d they find us so fast?”
“You didn’t tell Vixey anything did ya?”
“Nope, not a word.”
“Well let’s figure it out later.” They hurriedly packed up the money and jumped into the van. To their surprise, it didn’t start.
“What’s going on?” Jack sputtered as the engine coughed.
“Looking for this,” Came a familiar voice. Vixey stepped out from behind a tree holding what Moose recognized as the distributor cap.
“I don’t think you’ll get anywhere fast without this.” Moose started for her, but he tripped. Looking at his feet, he saw that his shoelaces were tied together and Jayde was standing behind him laughing her head off.
“Looks like you fell for it again.”
“Don’t you hey Jayde me after you tried to kidnap my best friend.”
“Oh I was just kidding.” Bo had caught up with Jack, who had made a run for it when Moose had tripped.
Well the State Police came and took Moose and Jack to jail. Vixey said that they could write to her if they behaved themselves. Jayde and Quint decided to stay for a while since Jayde and Bo were getting closer and Quint wanted to be a godfather to Patrick. And Vixey and Roscoe went back to being themselves, two opposites completely in love with each other.