The Playpen Returns

by: Jamanda

Tonight on the Dukes: Boss Hogg’s Playpen of Pretty Piggies is back, but not without opposition. When citizens of Hazzard County stage a protest, everyone is shocked to find out how far a man will go to protect not only his community,
but the very love of his life.

Bo and Luke are in the Boar’s Nest and Daisy comes over to serve them.

Bo: Hey, when do you get off?
Daisy: Late. Boss wants me to help him with the Pretty Piggies audition.
Luke: The Pretty Piggies are back?
Daisy: Yeah, and this time it’s legit, or so he says. Instead of having a whole center for it, he’s going to turn the Boar’s Nest into a Playpen one night a week. Then, if it brings in enough money, he’ll build a new club for it.
Bo: Well, as long as it’s legit. I wouldn’t mind seeing Bessie Lou in one of those outfits.
Luke: Nah, she’s too skinny. Now Ruth Ann on the other hand…

The next day, Enos is over at Cooter’s to pick up Rosco’s car.

Cooter: Did you hear about the Boar’s Next becoming a playpen on Thursday nights?
Enos: Yeah, I heard Mr. Hogg talking to Sherriff Rosco about it.
Cooter: You don’t seem too keen about it.
Enos: Well I’m not.
Cooter: Don’t tell me you don’t want to see Daisy in that cute little piggy outfit.
Enos: (turns red) It just ain’t right Cooter. There oughta be a law.
Cooter: What’s so bad about it?
Enos: Cooter, you don’t know what goes on in places like that. I saw them in California and…I don’t know…I just don’t like the idea of Daisy working in a place like that.
Cooter: Well this ain’t California Enos. You know things are different here.
Enos: (sighs) I know. And I sure hope I’m wrong. But I still don’t like it. Not one bit.

Balladeer: Well, it’s Thursday night and nearly everyone in Hazzard County is out at the Boar’s Nest for the opening of Playpen Night. At least, every male in Hazzard county. And some from elsewhere.

Bo, Luke, and Cooter stand outside the Boar’s Nest and watch some well-dressed men go in.

Bo: I don’t believe this! Twenty bucks just to get in?
Luke: Who in Hazzard has that kind of money?
Cooter: Well, a lot of them do, but I don’t think they’re from Hazzard County.
Luke: Looks like Boss’s been getting the word out.
Bo: I wonder if Daisy could get us in?
Luke: I doubt we’d last long. With the way them fellas are dressed, we’d stick out like peacocks at a turkey shoot.
Bo: Speaking of turkeys…

Rosco and Enos pull up. Rosco goes to the door, shows his badge, and gets in without paying. Enos pauses by the other guys first.

Bo: Hey, don’t you guys have to pay?
Enos: No. We’re just supposed to go in to inspect security.
Rosco: (pokes head out the door) Enos! Will you come on?
Enos: (sighs) I still don’t like it. (goes in)
Bo: Well don’t that beat all? He doesn’t have to pay to get in there with all them pretty girls, and he doesn’t even seem happy about it.
Cooter: Well he ain’t. Said something about things that ain’t right and all that.
Luke: Well, Enos never was that easy to understand. Come on, let’s go.

The next morning, the cousins go outside for their morning chores.

Luke: So what was it like in there?
Bo: Too fancy for poor folks like us to understand?
Daisy: Mostly just a bunch of old fellas in suits, sitting around and ordering drinks, ogling over us…you know.
Luke: Seems pretty tame to me. I wonder why it’s $20?
Daisy: Well, Boss said something about the “real” business not picking up yet. Whatever that means.
Luke: “Real” business? You don’t think he’ll have you girls…?
Daisy: Don’t be ridiculous! It’s nothing like that! We’re just there to look at.
Uncle Jesse: (coming out of the house) And it better stay that way!
Daisy: Oh for pete’s sake! You’re as bad as Enos!
Bo: What’d he do?
Daisy: He wouldn’t even look at me the whole time! Then as they were leaving, I heard him ask Rosco to give him something else to do on Thursday nights. He didn’t even want to come back in.
Luke: Well, you know how Enos is.
Daisy: Maybe so, but he wouldn’t talk to me either.
Uncle Jesse: Now don’t get your feathers ruffled over nothing Daisy. Just talk to him and let him know that…that there isn’t anything to worry about.
Daisy: Well…okay Uncle Jesse.

Daisy leaves later to find Enos and Bo and Luke continue doing chores. After a while, a message comes in over the CB.

CB: Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain’t dumb, Crazy Cooter comin’ atcha, any ya’ll Lost Sheep home on the Hazzard Net come on?
Luke: Luke Duke here Crazy C. What’s up?
Cooter: Ya’ll better get over here quick! There’s show goin’ on across the street and it ain’t pretty!
Luke: We’re on our way!
Bo: What do you suppose is going on?
LUke: I don’t know, but it don’t sound good.

Meanwhile, Cooter is looking across the street at the Hazzard Sherriff’s sation. Through the window, he sees Enos and Daisy yelling at each other. Suddenly, Daisy slaps Enos across the face.

Balladeer: I don’t know about you, but I’d sure like to know what ol’ Enos did to get that!

Cooter stares across the street as Daisy rushes out of the station.

Cooter: I didn’t just see that.

The General drives up just as Daisy is driving off in her Jeep. Cooter runs over to the Duke boys.

Cooter: Ya’ll better go after her before she does something crazy!
Bo: What happened!?
Cooter: I’ll explain later! Ya’ll git after her and I’ll check on Enos!

Bo and Luke look at each other and then take off after the Jeep.

Luke: (into the CB) Daisy! Are you all right?
Daisy: Leave me alone!
Bo: No way. Not with her driving like that!
Luke: Daisy, I don’t know what’s going on, but you’re going to get hurt…Why don’t you just pull over and calm down for a while and…and we won’t ask any more questions.

Daisy hesitates a minute and then pulls the Jeep off to the side. The General pulls in behind her.

Bo: Whew…that was close. Should we check on her?
Luke: We’ll just sit here a minute. When she wants to talk, she will, but right now…no questions.

Meanwhile, Cooter enters the Sherriff’s station and sees Enos sitting behind the booking desk.

Cooter: Uh…Enos? You okay?

Enos shakes his head. He’s breathing heavily and Cooter sees that half of his face is bright red where Daisy slapped him.

Cooter: I don’t suppose you want to talk about it.
Enos: (sighs) I knew this would happen.
Cooter: What?
Enos: She hates me.
Cooter: Uhm…
Enos: (getting up) She just doesn’t understand! It’s just going to get worse and I know it is and I’m the only one who sees it coming and they just don’t know that it’s going to happen and they’re all just too dang blind to see it!
Cooter: See what?
Enos: (glares at him) And you’re as dumb as they are!

Cooter is taken aback with surprise and anger.

Cooter: Well excuse me for not being as brilliant as you are ya big shot city cop!
Enos: (sighs) I’m sorry Cooter. I shouldn’ta said that.
Cooter: Just like you shouldn’ta said whatever it was you said to Daisy?
Enos: (touches his face and cringes) She had to know…but I shouldn’ta told her like that…but I was just too angry…She thinks I’m only mad cuz I’m jealous…She said I was interferin’ in her life and that I needed to butt out…But she just don’t know what kind of danger she’s in…
Cooter: (surprised) Danger?!
Enos: It’ll get worse…them fellas in there don’t touch her now…but they will…and before she knows it…

Enos sits down again and Cooter realizes what he’s talking about.

Cooter: But ol’ Boss…he wouldn’t…
Enos: (shakes his head) I don’t think he realizes what he’s starting with this thing…but I seen him talking to some of them fellas that go in there…they want to help him open a whole club…and you can bet the farm that they know what it’s going to turn into.
Cooter: And Daisy’ll…
Enos:(shakes head) I can’t let that happen. (gets up) I gotta stop it. If she won’t listen to me, then I’ll just have to put a stop to the whole dang thing.
Cooter: I’m with ya there but…how?

Meanwhile, back on the road out of town…

Daisy (over cb): Bo? Luke?
Luke: Yeah Daisy? We’re listening.
Daisy: I’m going home.
Luke: We’re right behind you.

The cousins drive back to the farm. Daisy still doesn’t seem to be in any mood to talk as she goes into her room.

Bo: I guess we’re getting our own lunch.
Luke: I wonder if Cooter had any luck?
CB: Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain’t dumb, Crazy Cooter comin’ atcha, any’all Lost Sheep home on the Hazzardnet come on?
Bo: (picks up cb) Right here Crazy C.
Cooter: How’s Daisy?
Bo: Well, she’s home and safe but not saying a word. How ’bout you?
Cooter: He’s up to something…but can’t talk about that now. You just keep an eye on the pretty cousin all right?
Bo: Uh, sure thing.
Cooter: I’m over and gone.
Luke: Up to something?
Bo: What could Enos possibly be up to? And what is this all about?
Luke: I guess Cooter doesn’t want to say over the cb, but it sure looks like he knows more than we do.
Bo: Well, lets just get over there and ask him.
Luke: Let’s wait for Uncle Jesse to get back. I don’t want to leave her here alone. Besides, he might be able to get Daisy to talk about it.

Later, the boys are at Cooters and he fills them in on what he saw.

Bo: She slapped him? What’d he say?
Cooter: Wouldn’t tell me, but I’m telling ya, it wasn’t nothing good. That boy ain’t in his right mind.
Bo: I’ll say. Daisy’s madder than a barnful of hornets.
Luke: With all stingers pointing right at Enos…but what I don’t understand is why he’d say something like that?
Cooter: Like I said, he ain’t in his right mind. He’s afraid something’s gonna happen to Daisy if she keeps workin’ at that Playpen.
Bo: Well shoot, ain’t nothing gonna happen to her. She told us that she and the other girls are only there to look at.
Cooter: Well, ol’ Enos thinks otherwise. Seems to think the whole operation is gonna go downhill in a direction ain’t none of us wanna see it goin’.
Luke: And take Daisy right with it.
Cooter: Exactly.
Bo: W-wait a minute…you mean Enos thinks that Daisy’s gonna…?
Luke: Wind up like one of the Mabel’s RV girls?

Bo looks stunned, Luke nods, and Cooter shakes his head.

Cooter: Well, that’s what he thinks might happen…
Bo: Well it ain’t is it Luke?
Luke: I don’t know…I sure hope not.
Bo: Well, what are we gonna do?
Cooter: Oh don’t you worry. Ol’ Enos isn’t going to just sit by and watch this happen to his girl, angry or not.
Luke: And what’s he gonna do? Daisy ain’t gonna listen to him.
Cooter: Oh he’s not just trying to get Daisy out. He aims to shut down the whole operation.
Bo: (laughs) And just how does he plan to do that?
Cooter: I have no idea. That’s just what he said when Rosco showed up. Didn’t seem to want to go into detail in front of the sherriff.
Bo: You don’t think it’s somethin’ illegal do ya?
Luke: (laughs) Enos? Do something illegal?
Cooter: I dunno. I didn’t think he’d ever say something so bad that Daisy’d slap him either.
Luke: Yeah but…
Cooter: Like I said…that boy ain’t in his right mind.

Balladeer: Well I wouldn’t be either if a pretty thing like Daisy slapped me like that.

Bo and Luke head home to find Daisy talking to Uncle Jesse.

Daisy: Oh Uncle Jesse, why would he call me something like that?
Jesse: Daisy, he was just upset. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.
Bo: You feelin’ better Daisy?
Daisy: A little…
Jesse: Well, you just take it easy darlin’…

Daisy leaves the room and Bo and Luke sit down.

Jesse: You don’t think it’s true do ya?
Bo: What is?
Jesse: That if Daisy keeps working there she’ll become…
Luke: I don’t know…but that’s what Enos thinks is gonna happen.
Bo: And he aims to stop it.
Jesse: Stop it?
Luke: Don’t ask us how he aims to do it, that’s just what Cooter told us.

Uncle Jesse nods.

Bo: I guess Daisy told you what happened?
Jesse: From what I could tell…She asked Enos why he wouldn’t look at her and he told her why…then she scolded him for being too…you know…and he gave his opinion about her working there…she shot back at him for interferin’ in her life too much…then he told her in not so polite terms…well…what he thought was going to happen I guess…and…Did she really slap him?
Luke: That’s what Cooter said. He saw the whole thing through the window.
Jesse: She just doesn’t see it.
Bo: See what?
Jesse: That girl is so dang determined to live her own life on her own terms that she doesn’t even see it when it’s been here for going on seven years now…
Luke: What has?
Jesse: Gah, you two wouldn’t know it if it sat on you.
Bo: Know what?
Jesse: Why he doesn’t just marry that girl is beyond me.
Luke: You know what he’s talking about?
Bo: Nope.
Jesse: Course you wouldn’t. You two have never been in love.

Jesse leaves the room and Bo and Luke look at each other.

Bo: What’s love got to do with it?
Luke: Search me.

(author’s note: You go Tina Turner!)

Balladeer: Well, after a week of Enos not coming in to the Boar’s Nest, and Daisy pretending she didn’t miss him, Thursday night arrives with a little more company.

A large group of people are gathered at the Boar’s Nest with signs. Boss and Rosco and Enos show up.

Boss: What is all this!?
Lady#1: We’re protestin’!
Boss: Protesting!
Man#1: You’ve gone too far this time!
Lady#2: We ain’t gonna stand by and let you trick our girls into leadin’ a life of sin!
Boss: I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Rosco: Neither do I, but I do know that you gotta have a permit to protest here!
Man#2: How are we supposed to get a permit when we’d have to have it approved by the very man we’re prostesting against?
Rosco: That ain’t my concern. All I know is, the law specifically states that if there is no permit for a protest then…
Enos: Then the leader of said protest goes to jail.
Rosco: Uh, right.
Boss: There, there! You see! All right! Who’s the leader of this here protest?!

No one says anything.

Rosco: Not talkin’ eh? All right Enos, arrest ’em all!
Enos: Can’t do that Sherriff. Law says we can only arrest the one in charge.
Rosco: Then find out who’s in charge and arrest him you dipstick!
Enos: Can’t really do that either Sherriff.
Rosco: Why not?
Enos: Because a lawman can’t arrest himself.
Rosco: What?
Enos: (handing Rosco the handcuffs) You have to do it Sherriff. I organized the protest without a permit.
Boss: You heard him knucklehead! Arrest him! To think, your own deputy conspiring against me!
Enos: It’s for your own good Mr. Hogg. I ain’t gonna stand by and let you do this.
Rosco: Enos! Do you really think that…?
Boss: Will you just arrest him peabrain!
Rosco: All right already. Come on Enos.

Rosco takes Enos away, but the crowd remains as the well-dressed men go into the Boar’s Nest. Daisy watches from the window.

Balladeer: I don’t think she knows what she’s got. Do you?

Daisy looks out the window and scowls. Several other girls stand around her.

Girl#1: Wasn’t that your boyfriend Daisy?
Daisy: I have no boyfriend.
Girl#2: (whispers to others) That’s not what she said last week.
Daisy: I heard that!
Girl#3: But that was him wasn’t it?
Daisy: Oh get back to work!

The other girls shrug and go back to waiting on the well-dressed men in the Boar’s Nest.

Meanwhile, Rosco attempts to talk some sense into Enos in the Hazzard county jail.

Rosco: Enos you dipstick! You know Boss wouldn’t make Daisy do something like that!
Enos: He’s done it before Sherriff.
Rosco: That’s not the point! Now he there ain’t no love lost between him and them Dukes, but you know as well I as do that he wouldn’t do that to Daisy!
Enos: But he doesn’t know what’s going to happen Sherriff! And it’s gonna happen so fast that he ain’t gonna be able to save her.
Rosco: So you’re gonna do it by sittin’ in jail?
Enos: It’s out of my hands now. I did my part. I just hope it’s enough to open people’s eyes to what’s really going on in there.

Back at the Boar’s Nest, Boss is meeting with two men interested in helping him build a permanent Playpen and trying to explain that the protest is under control.

Man#1: So what are you doin’ about it?
Boss: I’ve already done something about it! I put the leader of that there protest in jail.
Man#2: Good. Who was it?
Boss: The local deputy.
Man#1: A deputy? I thought it’d be a preacher or…
Boss: You don’t know our deputy. With his reputation, he oughta be a priest, ‘ceptin he ain’t Catholic. And it just so happens, that one of the girls working here is his girlfriend.
Man#2: Which one?
Boss: Daisy, the head-waitress.
Man#1: Ahhhh yes. I’ve had my eye on that one. Don’t tell me she’s taken…
Boss: Well, they did have a fight and all…you know…him not likin’ her working here…
Man#1: Yes, I suppose he’s no trouble if he’s in jail…and that girl sure is pretty…
Boss: Prettiest girl in Hazzard.
Man#1: And those legs…
Man#2: Just let us know when you want to build that club Hogg. We’ll show that girl the time of her life.
Man#1: We certainly will.

Back at the jail…

Enos: Sherriff?
Rosco: What now?
Enos: I think you should go back to the Boar’s Nest and check on Daisy.
Rosco: What?
Enos: Please Sherriff!? I think she’s in trouble.
Rosco: All right, but you’re coming with me.
Enos: But I’m under arrest Sherriff…
Rosco: I know that you dipstick, but I ain’t got another deputy so you’ll have to do. And if you’re right about what’s going to happen, I’m gonna need some help.
Enos: I’m right behind ya Sherriff.

Back at the Boar’s Nest…

Man#1: Call that girl in here…
Boss: Daisy!
Daisy: (comes in) You wanted to see me Boss?
Boss: Well, rather they did.
Man#2: If you’ll come with me J.D., we can discuss building plans.
Boss: But should we…?

The man ushers Boss out of the office and shuts the door, leaving Daisy alone with the first man.

Man#1: You are a very lucky girl.
Daisy: How’s that?
Man#1: (advancing) You will be the first to experience the real business.
Daisy: You mean…?
Man#1: Oh come now honey. Don’t tell me you didn’t know this was coming?
Daisy: (backing away) Now mister, you stay away from me!

Rosco and Enos pull up outside the Boar’s Nest as Boss rushes out.

Boss: Rosco! That lamebrain was right for a change! They really are gonna turn this place into…
Rosco: We know Boss, we know!
Enos: Where’s Daisy!?
Boss: In the office with that…

Man#1: I do like country girls.
Daisy: Enos was right! Oh Enos why didn’t I listen to you?
Man#1: Your boyfriend can’t save you now.
Daisy: Wanna bet?

Just then, the door is kicked in and Enos bursts in. The man tries to get away, but Enos grabs him and punches him out, as his gun was confiscated when he was arrested.

Enos: Nobody, but nobody, messes with my girl and gets away with it!
Daisy: Enos!
Enos: (turning to her) Are you okay?
Daisy: (looking down) I am now. Oh Enos, I’m so sorry.
Enos: (pulling her to him) I’m sorry too Daisy. I shouldn’ta yelled at you like that.
Daisy: You were right the whole time. Oh Enos…

Enos holds her as Rosco comes in and arrests the man on the floor.

Rosco: Oh you got him good.
Man#1: Groan.
Rosco: All right now fella. You are under arrest for attemptin’…well you know what you was attemptin’ to do…You have the right to remain silent…(drags him out of the office) Oh Enos…take your time gettin’ back.
Enos: Thanks Sherriff.
Man#1: You mean you’ll leave that girl in there with him?
Rosco: You don’t know Enos fella.

Daisy: Can you ever forgive me?
Enos: (smiles) I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.
Daisy: Sounds fair enough.
Enos: Look at me Daisy.
Daisy: I thought you didn’t want to look at me.
Enos: (lifts her face) There ain’t nothin’ wrong with lookin’ at a pretty girl’s face Daisy.

Balladeer: And that’s the legend of how the Playpen went bust…again…but Boss didn’t seem to mind much. The first fella got seven years for trying to assult Daisy, and the second just disappeared and was never seen again in these parts. The Boar’s Nest went back to being the social center it had always been. As for Enos and Daisy (shot of them kissing in the office) well they promised never to fight again (Enos wraps a blanket around Daisy) but you know how that goes (Daisy doesn’t want to wear the blanket) and things got back to normal (Enos and Daisy squabbling in the office) in Hazzard County.

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