When Generals Attack

By: Hilery “Scoot” Davenport and Essy-Jane

Times were interesting all over the place but not as interesting as they would have been in this time frame in this most peculiar place. A place where not everything was as it seemed. You see, it all started in a regular place in a not so regular day, Hazzard County was a mystical place known for its adventures and troubles. This day wasn’t any different.

The road was bringing forth a new adventure that would change the Duke’s lives. Who are the Dukes you ask? Well you’ll have to follow me on this adventure. Well, the Dukes are a family that has been in Hazzard for several generations. A family of ex-moonshiners. That’s right, ex-moonshiners.

Ya see, Bo and Luke Duke, cousins, one blue eyed blond, one blue eyed brunet, and were caught several years ago running illegal homemade corned whiskey. Their family had been making the potent liquor since fifty years before the Declaration of Independence had been signed. The skill was passed from generation to generation. Jesse Duke had made sure all his kids knew how to brew it.

Jesse Duke is the patriarch of the Duke family. In Hazzard County he was the one known for his friendship and kindness. You could ask him for the shirt off his back and dang it, he will give it to you. Jesse is a man usually found in overalls and a red cap. He wore a beard of white. Jesse had raised his nephews and niece Daisy since they were young children.

Now Daisy, she’s something else. Y’all can ask any boy what they think of Daisy and they’ll tell ya the same thing. She’s got a spitfire attitude, drives like a ridge runner, and has some serious magnetism. She is a waitress at the Boars Nest, has reddish brown hair, and friends, she has legs that go on for miles. She was almost every man’s dream… and can knock any said man on his behind lickety-split!

So I bet you’re asking yourself, a group this amazing caliber couldn’t be having troubles with something on a road could they? Of course they could. You know, this is Hazzard County and they are known for it. Now you see that big black Caddy? That there is General Steele…Jason’s Daddy and revenge is his middle name.

He lost his eye in the Vietnam War…didn’t take any mercy neither. He went along and did the eye for an eye trick, most literally. Now he was a mean cuss and laid out the legacy for Jason to finish even before he entered the war.

General Steele, a five star General, never ever stayed at home. Had to be in every adventure. The government told him that he should stay on a desk. You think that stopped old General Steele? Nope. For those who don’t know Jason Steele, he gave Bo and Luke a little bit of trouble.

See, he was a bounty hunter that ol’ Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane hired to railroad them into jail through what ever means possible. Okay, now I know what you’re thinking, these boys are plum cute and got smiles that would knock you into doing the right thing.

You have to see Rosco’s side here. Boss Hogg sent Rosco to catch them over and over again. It was usually a dog gone mess and a car landed in a tree. If anyone wanted to get them it would be ol Rosco Coltrane.

Well, it backfired and Ol’ Uncle Jesse got hurt. Now if you know Uncle Jesse, you know that he loves everyone, especially his nephews. In return he gets love back…from everyone. No man or his dog was happy to hear about Jesse being in the hospital.

Anyway, Jason Steele eventually did catch Bo and Luke, but ol’ Rosco found out he hadn’t inherited ten million dollars. Therefore, had to welch on a payment to him… and Jason Steele didn’t care why. He was gonna put ol’ Rosco six feet under.

Now even though Rosco had tried to get the boys thrown in jail, they still helped him and saved his hide. He was a human being after all, and they had a score to settle with Steele for hurting their Uncle Jesse… and Jason got a nice long sentence for kidnapping a lawman.

If you thought that sat well with a five star General with no mercy, think again. Steele didn’t blame the Dukes…heck he didn’t blame his son. No, he blamed Rosco Coltrane for putting his kid in this mess.

You have to understand the love of a father is strong. Anyone that messes with their child is a goner. General Mitch Steele was about to get revenge on Rosco and Bo and Luke? Well let’s just say like every story, they were going to be involved with it…one way or the other.

It’s the curse of being a Duke. Anything ever happened in Hazzard that caused trouble, you know ol’ Bo and Luke are in the middle of it somehow. Either it’s ol’ JD Hogg trying to frame them, or trouble accidentally finds them. It’s like they had a homing beacon on them for it. It was known as Duke Luck, well, I call it luck that ain’t all that lucky. Really interesting thing this Duke luck. They are always in the wrong place at the right time.

And when the Duke family found trouble, at least one close family friend with the last name Davenport always found their way into that snake pit too. It was just the way it worked. They were all honorary Dukes which probably helped explain that.

Cooter Davenport was the best mechanic in town and that wasn’t just because he was the only mechanic either. He knew how to fix anything and everything. Now folks, you can’t get a better fella to be around. Remember Cooter because you’ll probably use him next time he’s in Hazzard County. Whether you are looking for a fill up or some information, you have your man.

When the women want the latest gossip, they go to their beauty salon. Y’all couldn’t believe the chatting that goes on in there. It is enough squawking to drive a man to pure insanity. Then again, the salon is mostly gossip.

When people want the real news on Hazzard, they don’t turn on their TV set. Nope, they go to their local mechanic. Cooter Davenport sees all…even though you might not think so. A mechanic is the center of the town.

So you can imagine when that black eye sore showed up in Hazzard County, Cooter knew he had to be either a movie star or someone important. Mitch looked around the county that had beaten his son. He was beginning to feel a sense of anger. How could such a piddly little town beat the likes of Jason Steele? A man who had been trained in his father’s image?

The town looked like it was filled with a bunch of simple country bumpkins. Something in his mind didn’t add up. For three days now he’d been following the sheriff, doing reconnaissance work, and as far as he could tell, Rosco was just your below average idiot.

The man went swimming at least three times a day in the pond because he couldn’t drive. You’d think after the first two times Rosco would have found another way to catch those boys in that orange car. Shoot, he could have just picked him up right then and there several times when he was stranded, but then people would get suspicious. There would be signs of a struggle. No, that wouldn’t do. Steele would wait, make it look like Sheriff Coltrane had had an accident, or had left on his own accord.

He felt people might get suspicious if the sheriff just disappeared or died from a pond accident… accidents he had so frequently. No, that wouldn’t do. He had to cook up a plan, and his daily information gathering would help him like it had so many times in the past. He was sure of it.

He watched the sheriff pull his hound dog out from the police building slowly. Rosco put his dog down on the ground. “Now Flash, who’s Daddy’s Princess? Khee! Now go on now, go get in the police car,” Rosco commented.

Flash, like normal stared at Rosco with those big puppy dog eyes, pleading Rosco to pick her up. “Now come on Flash, doggie num-nums Flash you will do it for one of those right?” Rosco questioned the mutt. Flash barked and began strolling over there slowly. “Khee, good girl.”

Crossed flags
He got in the police car, driving slowly down the road. The Caddy followed closely behind. Now Cooter saw this and was suspicious. What did Rosco have that a rich guy would like to follow? Cooter decided it would be a good idea to follow him.

See, ol’ Cooter had good old fashioned radar for when things aren’t right. Sometimes though, it just didn’t work… but that’s another story for another time. Cooter knew this situation had some problems with it. He had seen this Cadillac following the sheriff a few times before, and it did not set well.

He climbed into his wrecker and started it up, heading out. He followed far enough behind to not be noticed, but close enough not to loose them. He had already written down the plate number when he’d first noticed the suspicious car again watching the courthouse.

As he continued following the Cadillac, he noticed something else. The car was modified to look like a different year. If that was the case, the plate number might be a fake. It bothered him, but maybe the driver was not smart enough to use a ’dead plate’ for what ever they were up to. Even professionals made mistakes.

Maybe before he did anything wrong, he planned on taking the plate off? Either way, Cooter had a plate number, and fake or not, it could come up as being involved in something in the past to give him an idea what this guy was up to. If it was a ’live’ plate, it could also give an identity to the man… or tell him if the car was stolen or not.

However, before Cooter could think of his next move, the General put on his breaks. Cooter was following at a distance, how did the man know? Cooter had to swerve into a ditch just to miss him. He started up his engine, managing to get his tow truck out of the ditch. Cooter had an intention to follow the guy. However, the Mitch was still waiting on the road for him. He pulled out a huge assault riffle and shot out Cooter’s four tires.

Mitch glared violently at Cooter as Coot exited his car with his hands up. “You young man are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now, I know you have been watching and frankly, I don’t like it,” Mitch commented.

“What do you want with Rosco Coltrane?” Cooter asked.

“That’s none of your business is it friend? Now, you run to your CB and call the fellas in the orange car. I am sure Bo and Luke can bail you out. Now if you tell anyone about our little meeting here today, I swear, you will regret it. Have a nice day.” The Cadillac drove away leaving Cooter stranded.

How could someone do this to the mechanic? He was just curious to see what was going on. However, Cooter knew the man was serious. He knew though that Rosco was in trouble…BIG trouble. Cooter couldn’t just leave this alone. The boys were family they had to help him out.

As soon as the man was out of sight, he picked up his CB mic and keyed it, sending out a silent prayer to the man upstairs. “Breaker 1, breaker 1, I might be crazy but I ain’t dumb, either of you Lost Sheep home on the Hazzard Net come on? I kinda need some help guys, I need some country music and bad!”

Luke looked at Bo and frowned. “That doesn’t sound good. Cooter doesn’t usually call us and ask for a channel change before saying anything.” he said, picking up the mic in the General Lee. “Lost Sheep here Crazy C, I’ll get you come country music.” He flipped the channel. “Alright Cooter, what’s going on, and how bad is it?”

“Well, some feller in a black Cadillac done shot my tires out… all four. I was followin’ him because he was followin’ a certain sheriff we all know that puts on a free show and loves those free swimmin’ lessons you boys give out.” Cooter replied. “I did get a plate number for us to check later, but right now, I think Rosco is in some serious trouble. The man said if I said anything to anyone, he’d shoot me and I’d be one dead mechanic.”

Bo stole the mic from Luke.”Well then, I’ll go over to Mr. Fancy Pants and give him a shot in the…” Bo began. Luke stole the mic before he could go any further.

“Fellas, this is serious! Rosco is in big trouble, you know he gets my back sometimes.”

“If he didn’t you wouldn’t be a person,” Luke replied.

“We gotta find out who this guy is and fast.” Bo grabbed the mic from Luke again.

“Well, you know you can’t do it without any tires, shoot Cooter, you need to get back to the shop,” Bo replied.

“We’ll be wasting time!”

“Cooter I know what you’re feeling but…”

“But nothing, dang it! Radio Jesse, he can haul it back to the shop and do the repairs…he has keys anyway! Y’all are taking me with you and I don’t wanna hear any arguments. We have gotta find out who this guy is.”

“Meantime he blows your head off.” Luke steals the mic back from Bo, glaring at him.

“Cooter, there’s no playing around in this situation, don’t you get it? One wrong move and you’re gone. I don’t wanna see anything to happen to you. It has to look like we’ve just run into this Caddy otherwise it is curtains for you,” Luke announced.

“Alright we’ll do it your way for now but you guys better get moving before I change my mind.” Yep, the Davenports are known for two things…cars and rage…Cooter would win a prize for the second one…as well as the first one.

Well anyway, the boys called Jesse to save Cooter from his stranded predicament. He did, thankfully, and then they took off to help ol’ Rosco, hopefully eliciting a chase to get him away from the strange man, and hope he makes it over a jump for once in his life.

Ol’ Bo put the hammer down and the General Lee started kicking up dust and gravel. “Luke, ask Cooter where he was when he got stopped by that Guy.” he asked. In all the commotion, they’d plumb forgotten to ask! It didn’t matter, soon they roared right by him anyway before Luke could make the call. The boys waved as they flew by, hot on the scent like ea couple of blood hounds.

With all eight going in the General Lee, it didn’t take long for the black car to come into view. Bo looked at Luke fast and then back at the road.

“Well cousin, we caught up to them, now what?” he asked, dead seriously.

“The way I see it, we get around him and convince Rosco to chase us!” Luke suggested. Bo nodded.

“I had a feeling you were going to say that.” Bo replied.

“Cut up that cow path, and then cut cross country, it’ll take you right out in front of Rosco if he’s as predictable as always.” Luke said, pointing.

“Sure thing cousin,” Bo replied, taking a boot leg turn down the old trail. Sure enough, as soon as they cleared the trees on the side, they could see ol’ Rosco and Bo started to go off the trail and across the grass, slipping right in front of him. He slowed down a little and then slammed his foot on the gas, showering the sheriff with dirt, dust, and gravel.

At first, this didn’t bother Rosco. He seemed to be having one of those loving days. “Why ain’t he doing anything?” Luke questioned. Bo shrugged and honked the horn a few times. “Well that ain’t working either.”

Now if Bo and Luke had only known that Boss Hogg was trying to cook up a scheme to get the Dukes in trouble this would have been easier. The boys would have known Rosco was under strict orders not to chase them. Yep, Hazzard was one backwards place alright. Bo shook his head.

“Do I have to hit him with an arrow to make him start or something?” Bo growled jokingly.

“Bo, that’s brilliant,” Luke commented.

“Luke I wasn’t serious.”

“Well watch out Rosco, damaging property is perfect and a great reason to chase us.”

“Also a good way to get us thrown in the clink.”

Crossed flags
“Yeah well he’ll thank me for this one day.” Luke tipped himself out of the window, he pulled out his bow and arrow, aiming for the top of Rosco’s hood. He pulled back and got it. Nothing was steaming…Luke didn’t want him to stop…no, just to chase him. It worked, old Rosco was madder than a man without toilet paper. Trust me folks, I know how that feels too.

He began to chase them with full furry. “Bo, hit it!” Luke said, sliding back into the window.

“Ooo jit, jit! Those Dukes I’ll git them, they should know better than to mess with Roscoooo P. Coltrane! Jit, they done and gone it this time, damaging county property like that. Flash you hang on darlin’, cause we’ve got them now! Khee!” he told his puppy dog, then put the hammer down. The patrol car instantly started to speed up, the gumballs going on.

Now friends if Boss knew Rosco was chasing the Dukes, he’d be not too happy, but if he knew why the Dukes had provoked the sheriff, he’d be thanking them later as he had them arrested.

“Awright you Dukes, pull it on over, that’s damaging county property! Khee!” Rosco said over the CB. “That’s a naughty, naughty, and shame, shame, everyone knows your name!” He was both angry and happy and you can imagine how dangerous a thought like that is in Rosco’s mind. He was aching on catching the Dukes. As the sirens went, the man in the Cadillac backed off slightly. The Duke boys were about to pull a trick.

“Swing your partner round and round,” Bo said, moving the General side to side.

“Swing him in a circle now,” Luke commented. Bo went around in a circle. “Move him in the melody.”

“Oh boy Rosco, watch out for that tree,” Bo laughed as Rosco plowed into a tree. Now folks, it takes grace to dance in ones car. If you don’t have a backpack full of brains, don’t try this one at home.

“Shall we charge the Caddy?” Bo commented.

“No…” Luke began. However, Bo had already turned around. He began driving towards the Cadillac fast.

“Here we go, here’s what you get for going after my friend,” Bo grumbled.

“NO!” Now y’all do you see what I see? Meet the game of chicken…Luke would have somewhat wished it had been a game of possum. However, Bo thinks before action sometimes. The man in the Caddy, Mitch, was more than willing to have a little fun with Luke and Bo.

You know, if you need to go to the bathroom, you better hold it because this is goanna get interesting. The man wasn’t backing off and neither was Bo. You could see that they almost were about to collide. Bo quickly swerved off the road into the ditch. Now this is embarrassing, same man, two sets of drivers. I wouldn’t wanna be seen around the water cooler at the post office after this, would you? Bo pulled the General Lee out of the ditch, he was about to go for it a second time but Luke shook his head.

“Remember Cooter’s pickup. We’re goanna let him go for now,” Luke said. Now friends, you can imagine Bo’s feelings on this subject right here.

“But Luke!”

“No buts Bo, we’ll deal with him later,” Luke told him, trying to assure him. “Now let’s go make sure Rosco is okay.”

Rosco by this time was climbing out of the patrol car, Flash his loyal basset hound in his arms. “That was a horrendous crash!” he said. He looked up and seen the Duke boys pulling the General Lee out of the ditch, as well as the Cadillac hightailing it from the scene. He took his hat off and scratched his head, then looked back at his patrol car. The front would need a lot of Cooter’s special TLC.

After doing a cursory scan of the patrol car, he looked at where Bo and Luke were driving over. “We’re sorry Rosco, but we did what we did for a good reason.”

“Awe hush! Just hush!” Rosco said, watching them climb out. “You done wrecked my patrol car and that’s a naughty, naughty!”

“Rosco, would you please listen? That feller was followin’ ya, and he shot out all four of Cooter’s tires.”

“Bo, I said hush!”

“He also threatened to put a bullet in Cooter’s head.” Luke said. Now this had Rosco’s attention.

“What do you mean he threatened Cooter? Jit, without Cooter, who’d fix my patrol cars!” Rosco exclaimed.

“That’s not the only person who they’re threatening…we think you’re his favorite friend. Cooter told us that this dude has been following you for a while,” Luke commented. Now you could see a sour look change to one of concern uh huh, Luke was right, he seemed almost thankful his car was destroyed.

Meanwhile, Daisy and Jesse were following Cooter as he went to go and change his shirt. “Shepherd…Bo Peep, this ain’t necessary,” Cooter said over the CB mic. Jesse picked up the mic from the passenger’s seat of Dixie, Daisy’s Jeep.

“Now Cooter, we care about you. Some dude saw Bo and Luke with Rosco. I don’t know, something feels dang wrong, I have a gut feeling,” Jesse replied.

They arrived at the Davenport farm, safe and sound. Jesse and Daisy got out of the car, they were right behind Cooter. Cooter stopped for a minute, Daisy and Jesse were looking at him. “I don’t need y’all to be this close…nothing’s goanna happen,” Cooter tried to reassure them.

“Cooter…we’re plum worried about you,” Daisy commented.

“Daisy…I know you’re concerned but y’all have been watching me since we got to the garage. I had to spill coffee on my shirt just to get out of there. Y’all followed me anyway.”

“Cooter, we’re just worried okay?”

Jesse watched as a raccoon went up onto Cooter’s porch. “Thought you got rid of them critters,” Jesse questioned.

“Oh I am right now…just let me get my broom,” Cooter answered. As he ran after the raccoon, the critter got scared, running the other direction. As he jumped through the hole in the screen door, the whole house exploded. Cooter being a couple of feet away went flying in the air.

Jesse and Daisy were shocked. They looked at the house with wide eyes for a second or two before moving over to Cooter.

“Cooter, are you okay sugar!?” Daisy Mae asked, kneeling down next to him. “Cooter?” He was knocked out. She tapped his cheek, looking at Uncle Jesse.

“Daisy, calm down.” Jesse said. Cooter was starting to come around. “He’s waking up.”

“Yeah, I think so,” he replied, rubbing his head and slowly sitting up. “What happened?” Then he had seen the farm house in flames. “My house!”

“Now Cooter… just calm down and relax. You need to be looked at by a doctor. I think you might’ve hit your head when it blew up.” Jesse said firmly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“C’mon Cooter, let’s take you up to Doc’s to get looked at.” Daisy suggested, helping him stand up with Jesse’s help.

“I’m fine,” he replied, a little stubbornly.

“You’re going to see a doctor Cooter Henry Davenport.” he said firmly. He was not going to allow him to get out of it. He was like family, like one of his own boys, and his health came before anything else, just like that of any of his kids.

Cooter looked up as if he just came out. “What happened?” He asked. Daisy and Jesse shook their heads. “My house!” Yep, Cooter had hit his head something wicked. A few bad scratches and a few minor burns. Now Davenports have thick skin don’t they?

Jesse loaded Cooter into Dixie. “Dang I knew I had a bad feeling. Whoever that dude is, he means business,” Jesse commented.

“What happened?” Cooter questioned. Daisy scratched her head. “Why ain’t I drivin’?”

“Are head injuries always like this?” Daisy asked.

“One time, I was riding a bull and JD was taking pictures. The bull done kicked me in the head. I couldn’t even think of what I had been doing for a few minutes. Doc said I injured the spot where short term memory was,” Jesse replied.

“Weird,” Daisy replied, getting into the driver’s seat. Jesse jumped into the back. “What did JD think?”

“He thought it was fun. He told me all sorts of things he did to me as tricks. To this day I don’t remember a single one of them.

Now Bo and Luke went back to the garage to see if Cooter was there. All they got was a whole lot of nothing. Rosco was with them cowering behind Bo. Luke had a certain hound dog in his arms. “Rosco, can I put Flash down? She’s heavy,” Luke said.

“Jit-jit, what if this person hurts Flash? I could never deal with it,” Rosco replied. He smiled. “Besides, if you don’t I’ll run you in.”

“On what charge?”

“Stealing my dog.”

“WHAT!?” Bo and Luke both exclaimed at once. Now that was just wrong, and evil.

Luke studied Rosco for a moment. “You win, but that is very wrong, especially since you asked me to carry her.” He paused for a second before continuing, “And I haven’t tried to run off with her. However, you of all people should know Rosco, that I would not put this poor girl down if you are genuinely scared for her safety. The threat wasn’t necessary.”

“Yeah!” Bo said, putting in his two cents. “We’re doing you a favor, helpin’ keep an eye on you, and you threaten us! We oughta just leave you here and let who ever was after you have you.”

“However, Rosco, Uncle Jesse raised us better than that.” Luke added.

“And, on top of that, if we were anyone else, we would be leaving you high and dry, lettin’ that feller come get you. Now aren’t you glad we’re Dukes?” Bo smirked.

Friends and Neighbors, I think Rosco touched a nerve. To be threatened when a threat wasn’t required was an insult to their integrity!

The phone began to ring. Rosco jumped higher than a kite on a windy day. Dang folks, he is jumpy. He pulled out his gun and shot in the air. “Rosco, it’s a phone call,” Bo commented.

“Put away that pea shooter,” Luke added as he picked up the phone. He was mumbling in the phone.

“Jit-jit, Bo I can’t put it away, I can’t stop shaking,” Rosco said. Bo held onto his hand, putting his gun away.

“There we go,” Bo mumbled. Luke hung up the phone. “Who was that?”

“That was our good friend at the registry…he said he found who the car belonged to,” Luke said blankly.

“What’s wrong Luke? You look almost sick.” Luke shakes his head.

“Not far from it, Bo. The car belongs to a friend from ’Nam…General Wharram, one of the meanest little assistants Generals to the meanest of them all…General Steele.”

“Please tell me he’s not related to who I think he’s related to.”

“Who’s who related to who, who?” Rosco questioned. Luke crocked an eyebrow.

“Does Jason Steele ring a bell?” Bo questioned.

“Oooo JIT!” Rosco yelped, wanting to hide. “You don’t mean Jason Steele as in the bounty hunter, do you?” When Luke nodded, Rosco went into fits. “Hide me! Jit, I gotta make out my will, jit, I think I aughta just leave town. I hear Mexico is nice this time of year! I hear Canada is even nicer! Pretty even, and so pristine!”

“Rosco, calm down,” Luke said. “We need to think about this logically.”

“Luke, just how bad is this guy?” Bo asked, wondering exactly what they were up against. At least his older cousin had a little bit of background on this guy… and that friends would come in handy.

“Well, mean as a cuss, stubborn as a mule, lost his eye in ’Nam… and the loss of the eye didn’t phase him. He plucked the damned thing out himself and then ripped the eyes out of every man that had held him captive.” Luke said honestly. “And he didn’t take just one eye from each of them, he took both. He’s just….” he shivered a little. “He’s got brains and brawn. I think our best bet is to out think him. We were able to beat Jason Steele, we can beat his father. They are both made from the same mold. Jason was groomed in his father’s image.”

“Luke, that really doesn’t me feel any better, Jit!”

“Rosco, relax. Luke, you can put in a few calls to the army, can’t ya? See if you can’t find a commanding officer to tell him to stand down? See if he’s still enrolled, if they’ll ship him out over seas?” Bo asked.

“I can try Bo, but there’s not any guarantee. Usually it takes two weeks to ship out. Legally they have to give a two week notice. There’s a chance there’s no generals above him. I don’t know. Maybe I can talk to some old Marines buddies to see if they can help, but I get the feeling we’re gonna be on our own.” Luke replied.

“Oohhhhh JIT! Let me out of here! Let me get to another country! Put me somewhere else! Dohhhh!”

“Rosco, calm down!” Bo snapped.

Meanwhile, Jesse was calling the boys on the CB while he and Daisy took Cooter to the emergency room up at Tri-County. “Shepherd to Lost sheep, do you boys have your ears on? We got a bit of a problem!”

Luke heard the call and picked up the mic to the CB in the office of Hazzard Garage. “You got Lost Sheep here Shepherd.”

Oooo dang boys ol’ Cooter had his house blown to kingdom come.”


“Yeah and that’s not half of it, we radioed the fire department.” Luke shakes his head slowly.

“Who phoned boss…”

“With May-Bell listening in.”

“Everyone in town knows Cooter’s alive. Which means…”

“So does our little friend.”

“Uncle Jesse, we need to get Rosco out of here. You need to keep an eye on Cooter and get him out of the area…that fella is gonna want him dead.” Jesse sighed.

“It ain’t that simple. Cooter is in the hospital which makes him…”

“A sitting duck.”

“JIT!” Rosco yelped a little, pacing. “He’s gonna kill Cooter, and then he’s gonna kill me! JITJIT! I want out of here! Get me out of here! Get my little puppy out of here!” He really was scared. “He’s gonna kill me!”

Seeing Rosco going off, Bo grabbed him by his shirt front and made him look at him. With the sheriff still going off about General Steele and the fact he was gonna kill him, Bo did the only thing he knew to do. He slapped Rosco. Not hard, but enough to bring him back to his senses.

“Bo! Do you want to get arrested!?” Luke scolded.

“Jit, thanks Bo, I needed that.” Rosco said, calming down. The older brunette Duke boy was dumb founded.

“Anytime Rosco.”

“We need to get up to that hospital, see about getting Cooter moved to another hospital.” Luke said, rubbing his temple.

“Well uh… I could talk to the state police…” Rosco suggested. The boys both looked at him. That was actually a pretty good idea. Wait a second… Rosco having a good idea!? I think I’m gonna faint! “I’m serious. We can talk to the state police, even if Boss don’t like it, though I would rather callin’ my little fat buddy before hand just to warn him.”

“Luke, are you hearing what I’m hearing comin’ out of Rosco’s mouth?”

“Sure do Bo… and he’s right.” he swallowed. “Uh… you know, we helped Rosco get away from him earlier…”

“Oh Great Luke, that makes us targets now too, don’t it?” Luke nodded in reply. “Great. And Uncle Jesse and Daisy helped Cooter, which means they are targets now.”

“’Fraid so… I think we should do as Rosco suggested and call the state police, and then I’ll call my friends in the Military.”

As Luke was about to pick up the phone, he heard breaks squeak ever so softly. As he looked outside the door, there was the black Cadillac. Now we know he ain’t waiting on Santa Claus. No, he knew Rosco was with the Dukes and he knew he wanted revenge.

“Well let’s get out of here before we’re his last meal,” Bo commented.

“Okay Rosco, up on the roof,” Luke commented.

“Wooo-jit, you want me to go up there?” Rosco questioned.

“You want another belly button?

“I’m gone.” Rosco shimmied up the stairs before General could even come down. As Bo was the last one up, the General saw his boot.

“Oh you think you can avoid me that easily do you?” Bo kicked General Steele in the face. He went up fast.

“Well our company has arrived,” Bo announced. They made it to the roof, jumping the first one to the building beside Cooter’s garage. Rosco barely made that jump…Luke caught him. Well the General ain’t giving up, he jumps on the building just as the three men jump down.

I bet you’re wondering where Flash was. Don’t worry, the hound dog is hiding in General Lee. Anyway, back to Rosco and the boys. Bo and Rosco went to jump the roof. This time, Rosco lost his footing and was holding onto a building. Now you know who has caught up to them right. Uh huh, it ain’t the Easter bunny.

“I couldn’t have planned this better myself, Rosco P. Coltrane hanging from a building,” Mitch laughed.

“Leave him alone!” Bo exclaimed, charging at him, with one punch down went Bo. Now is this guy good or what?

“You ain’t goanna get away with that you know!” Luke exclaimed. He went to also charge at General. Luke got in three punches before he was flattened by the General. Now Mitch was approaching Rosco.

“Well Coltrane, you know? You ruined my son’s career. Only fitting that you get pancaked yourself,” Mitch said.

“Whoooo…no, I didn’t mean to give you a jailbird for a son,” Rosco remarked.

“Goodbye Coltrane!” General Mitch Steele pushed Rosco off the roof. Now friends, wouldn’t you know it? They were over the deli. Can you guess who was coming out of the deli just as poor Rosco was flipping to his doom? Uh huh, who else would eat at this time of the day? Who else would carry a big sandwich like that? You guessed it, Boss Hogg. For Rosco it was like landing on a big pillow. For Boss Hogg…well you just take a listen.

“AHHH! ROSCO, YOU LUGNUT! GET OFF OF ME!” Boss Hogg yelled angrily. “GET OFF OF ME!”

“Jit jit! I’m sorry Boss, but thank ya for saving me,” Rosco said, grinning lightly in spite of himself and the situation as he climbed off the County Commissioner.

“Rosco, I don’t know what in tarnation you are talking about, but you aughta be busy giving out parking tickets and earning me more money you dipstick!”

The General was looking down on them, angry. The man was seeing red. That sheriff was danged lucky the fat man in white had broken his fall, otherwise the man could have easily broken his neck. Now he had to rethink things.

As Steele watched Rosco and Boss, Bo and Luke took advantage of it and slipped away, crawling with their hurt pride. Painfully, they slipped from roof to roof after getting up, then went down a ladder. When Steele went to grab them, he was a bit surprised to see they had up and disappeared. Those boys were tough, and he had to give them some credit for that.

He narrowed his eyes at where Bo and Luke had been laying minutes before, making a mental note that they were now on his hit list. No one foils General Mitch Steele’s plans. Those boys would have to go. Rubbing his stomach lightly where Luke Duke had tried taking him down, he made a few other mental notes. That boy had some muscles… possibly ex military himself? And what about the cousin… was he ex military or reserves? He would have to look into that.

Crossed flags
For those who are just joining us, Ol’ Lukas K. Duke is an Ex-Marine Sergeant, and his cousin Bo is in the Marine Reserves… and it does help those boys quite a bit!

After grabbing Rosco once again, the boys headed off to Miss Tisdale’s house for hiding out. They made sure they weren’t followed. Luke was on the phone with General Wharram. “Sir, he’s a Looney…you know? He wants to kill a police officer for no reason,” Luke explained.

“Luke, I didn’t know what he wanted the car for. Look, I know this is stupid but the army ain’t goanna be much use to you nor is the Marine corps,” Wharram announced.

“What do you mean?”

“Luke…he’s been discharged from regular service on a psycho. He’s not technically army anymore. Luke, we need to do this quietly. General has been through an ordeal. His woman passed…son jailed. Luke, do me a favor, take him down but don’t call the army. His reputation would be gone.”

“We’ll do our best.” Luke hung up the phone.

“Well?” Bo asked, sitting in the living room with Rosco. Miss Tisdale was in the kitchen fixing the men some refreshments… it was the least she could do considering the boys were the nephews of Jesse Duke, the man that made her heart flutter at the mere thought, the mere mention of his name.

“Bad news… The General isn’t in the Army anymore. He got discharged. Went psychotic. Warren wants this kept hush, hush to protect the man’s reputation. I hate to say it, but I honestly don’t know what we’re gonna do.”

“Great… just great,” Bo replied, rubbing his head. Both the boys were still hurting a little from their encounter. He was honestly getting a little scared himself. It wasn’t often Luke know what to do, wasn’t often Luke didn’t have a plan. Cooter was a sitting duck at the didn’t know what to do, wasn’t often Luke didn’t have a plan. Cooter was a sitting duck at the Hospital. Jesse and Daisy were keeping an eye on him and making sure he was safe. He, Rosco, and Luke were hiding from General Steele. They were fast running out of options. “What are we supposed to do, just keep running with our tails between our legs?”

“I don’t know,” Luke said softly.

“Again, we could call the state police,” Rosco interjected. “Get some backup. I don’t want to die and leave Flash an orphan. I say we call the state police or run for the Boarder….” The sheriff was dead serious… and shockingly functioning as a sheriff, an honest sheriff who had a brain! Friends, this just keeps getting weirder.

“Rosco, I know this is bad but Bo and I are goanna handle this without police because I know what it is like to have a bad reputation. I don’t like it,” Luke commented.

“Dang Lukas! I think you’re being plum crazy,” Bo interrupted. He shook his head. “What right do you have speak for all of us huh? He hit me with one punch.”

“Who said he can take on two of us?”

“How are we goanna lure him out?”

“Live bait.”

“Khee, good idea! JIT-JIT you mean me don’t you?” Rosco went on. The boys smiled. “Oh no! There ain’t no way.” Now it took a while but guess what? The boys convinced him to go out in the open.

You think they left without some sort of back up? Heck no. You wouldn’t believe who gets ticked off when a Davenport gets injured. Everyone knows who saves their car and it ain’t the tooth fairy neither.

Boss Hogg was look out for the black Caddy. Miss Tisdale, with promise of a date from Jesse, was to keep Rosco with her in the motorcycle. Now friends this plan was smarter than it seemed. You’ll just have to wait and find out how it goes.

“Luke, are you sure this is gonna work?” Bo asked, glancing at his cousin as they sat in the General Lee, listening to everyone on the walkie-talkies. They figured a walkie-talkie was a bit more private than a CB. Not as many people had one.

“Nope.” he replied. “I’m just doin’ a lot of prayin’.”

Crossed flags
Now a lot of people were looking for that black Cadillac, but it wasn’t showing up. Truth was, Steele hadn’t left town. Rather, he had parked his car behind Cooter’s Garage and put it under a tarp. He was sitting on top of a building in town with a rifle… a rifle with a scope.

He used a second scope almost like a telescope or a half of pair of binoculars. See folks, you can’t forget he only has one eye.

Steele scanned the square carefully, taking note of where every citizen was. He noted the people sitting on the roofs across the road. He had nodded to himself, glad he had perched on the courthouse. He laid on his belly, looking around before finally focusing on Rosco. He picked the high powered rifle up, complete with silencer, and aimed it. He watched Miss Tisdale riding around with Rosco behind her on her motorcycle. He nodded.

Now folks, this is where Hazzard Luck comes in. Steele doesn’t realize it, but he’s gonna have a few problems. He squeezed off a shot. It hit Rosco… barely. It grazed him and he yelled out in pain, falling off the slow moving bike.

Seeing Rosco go down, Luke realized what happened. “Crud, he’s on the courthouse roof!” he yelled. “Bo, get us out there and get Rosco and Miss Tisdale. We gotta get them out of there!”

“10-4 cousin!” Bo agreed, turning the engine over. Now folks, if you’re wondering how Luke knew it came from the courthouse, well, it was the appearance of how Rosco had been shot.

Howling in pain, Rosco jumped into the General Lee face first. Miss Tisdale getting off her prized motorcycle and jumping in herself the same way. She wasn’t stupid… actually she was very smart. Just after getting off her bike and into the General Lee, another shot had fired, hitting the seat.

Mitch Steele was not happy. He cussed loudly as the Sheriff’s Deputies started moving in on his position, their guns drawn. He squeezed off a few shots at them, only to have them returned. He made a run for it, and fast.

Bo and Luke were about to go to the General Lee when Miss Tisdale got a wild look in her eye. Hold on Rosco, we’re goanna see Uncle Jesse in a few minutes because he’s at the hospital with Cooter. If you die, I don’t get a date,” Miss Tisdale commented.

“I thought you cared about me,” Rosco whimpered.

“At my age, I care about everyone. I love that man though and would walk through fire to be in his strong arms,” Miss Tisdale said as she floored the car. She got it to the Post office, letting Rosco in.

“I’m goanna hide behind the desk.”

“But it ain’t regulation.” Rosco dove behind the desk, shaking like no one’s business. Now friends, don’t ever mess with a man’s safety.

Bo and Luke began to laugh as they saw that sight. “Looks like Miss Tisdale is goanna be just fine with Rosco,” Luke commented.

“You don’t have to tell me twice about that one,” Bo laughed.

Bo and Luke were about to get their rematch which would be a stroke of luck if they could pull off. While the deputies kept the man distracted, ol Bo and Luke were about to make their own move. Look at the arrows on their back in the quiver. “First, we shut up his gun,” Luke said, aiming for the barrel. He aimed and got it.

“My turn,” Bo added. He shot the gun out of his hand. Now ain’t you glad they’re on your side.

“You boys stand down, I’m a superior officer. Just turn over the guilty to me…you have done a good job,” General Steele exclaimed.

“No sir, can’t do it,” Luke exclaimed.

“You are ignoring a direct order? You could be killed for that.”

Bo and Luke were about to get their rematch which would be a stroke of luck if they could pull off. While the deputies kept the man distracted, ol Bo and Luke were about to make their own move. Look at the arrows on their back in the quiver. “First, we shut up his gun,” Luke said, aiming for the barrel. He aimed and got it.

“My turn,” Bo added. He shot the gun out of his hand. Now ain’t you glad they’re on your side.

“You boys stand down, I’m a superior officer. Just turn over the guilty to me…you have done a good job,” General Steele exclaimed.

“No sir, can’t do it,” Luke exclaimed.

“You are ignoring a direct order? You could be killed for that.” Bo lights the dynamite arrow and lets it fly.

No, his cousin never thought first, however, this time, he was apparently weighing the consequences of what could happen to them both if they went face to face with that man again. No, this way was much safer, better for their health.

The arrow flew through the air and stuck in the side of the courthouse, about five feet below where Steele stood. About 3 seconds later, it blew. The facade crumbled. Steele plunged to the ground with the rubble as that part of the roof collapsed. He’d been standing on the over hang out front. He slid down it as everything fell, landing with a solid thud.

Now before you ask, Bo didn’t kill the man. No, he just broke a few of his bones… namely a leg and his butt bone.

Luke opened an eye after it blew, just in time to see the older man fall. He winced, but seeing he was still moving, he sighed in relief. The gun had landed several feet from him, out of his reach.

Well, he was down, poor guy never had a chance with the whole town working as a team. Now Cooter missed all the fun. You think he was mad? Oh he was plum mad. The Duke boys owed him an adventure and they gave it to him in style. They went out girl hunting and ended up getting into trouble with…oh, I can’t tell you that. That would spoil our next adventure.

Well anyway, Rosco was safe and Hazzard returned to normal, if there is a normal in Hazzard County. Well, he was down, poor guy never had a chance with the whole town working as a team. Now Cooter missed all the fun. You think he was mad? Oh he was plum mad. The Duke boys owed him an adventure and they gave it to him in style. They went out girl hunting and ended up getting into trouble with…oh, I can’t tell you that. That would spoil our next adventure.

The End


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