by: Keith

October 4, 1984

ACT 2

Fade In

(Sam stands next to Al and stares at Bo through the kitchen window)

SAM: How does he get killed?

AL: One of the other drivers accidently taps his car from behind on the 186th lap. Bo was taking a sharp corner, the other guy hits him, he spins out of control into a wall, crashes and burns, and….dies on impact.

SAM: Wait a second, Al. I asked if Bo’s going pro tore the family apart and you said I was half right. What’s that all about?

AL: (reading the handlink) Well, the details are sketchy. These small towns don’t keep very good records. Sometimes I’d swear it’s easier to pry information out of the Pentagon than a small town’s archives. But from what Ziggy has pieced together, Luke disappears in two years. He probably couldn’t live with the loss of Bo and took off someplace. Daisy ends up in a bad marriage and, without Bo and Luke around to help, feels trapped there and eventually ends up living in a shelter for battered women. And, in five years, Jesse dies and the county commissioner tears the farm down and puts a shopping plaza in it’s place.

SAM: Sounds like I have a lot to fix in the next two days.

AL: No, not really. All you have to do is make sure Bo turns down that offer, and the rest should fix itself. But listen, right now it’s taking you an awefully long time to get a pitcher of lemonade out of the refridgerator. Why don’t you go outside and eat. In the meantime, I’m gonna go back and talk to the real Luke in the waiting room and see if he can help us find a way to talk Bo out of going. (pokes at handlink and the imaging chamber door opens behind him. He steps in) Hey, this looks like a nice quiet little town. Try to enjoy it.

(Imaging chamber door closes)

July 18, 1999
Project Quantum Leap
The Waiting Room

(Al approaches Luke, who is staring at Sam’s reflection in the mirror-surfaced table of the waiting room)

LUKE: So, what’s this supposed to do? Convince me that everything you’re tellin’ me is true?

AL: (matter-of-factly) No, that’s Sam. The guy that replaced you in 1984.

LUKE: Replaced me? You think that, just because you gave a guy a set of my clothes and taught him how to act like me, no one’s gonna know the difference? Look, us Dukes know each other too good to fall for somethin’ like this. Soon as this Sam fella opens his mouth, they’re gonna know he ain’t me.

AL: So, you do believe everything I’ve told you?

LUKE: (shrugs) Well, from where I stand right now, it don’t look like I got too much choice. You said that Sam takes people’s place so he can help ’em. Or help someone around ’em. I gotta admit, my memory’s kinda fuzzy right now, but I’m pretty sure I ain’t in no trouble. Unless it’s somethin’ Boss and Rosco cooked up. But I reckon that ain’t nuthin’ me and Bo can’t get ourselves out of. (Luke pauses and gets a look of realization on his face) It’s Bo, ain’t it? Somethin’s gonna happen to Bo.

AL: Yeah. A ritiring Nascar driver is going to ask Bo to take his place on the circuit.

(Luke, closes his eyes, wincing, knowing the next part is going to be bad)

LUKE: What happens?

AL: He gets killed in a race.

LUKE: (slaps his hand on the table) Alright, I gotta get back there. I gotta talk to Bo before he sees this guy so I can tell him to turn down the offer.

AL: Not so fast. I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.

LUKE: Whaddaya mean?

AL: Well, first, partial amnesia is a side effect of leaping. If you were to go back now, chances are you wouldn’t remember anything I just told you, and Bo would still go back to the Nascar circuit and die.

LUKE: (Sighing in defeat) And second?

AL: Second, I know you think Bo would listen to you. But if he would, Sam wouldn’t be there.

LUKE: So, waddaya need me to do?

AL: You’ve already done it.

(Luke looks at Al, confused)

AL: I’ve been watching you throughout this conversation. Studying you, basically. Watching your movements and manorisms, and listening to how you talk.

LUKE: (Skeptically) So you can teach Sam how to act like me. (shakes head) It ain’t gonna work, Al.

(Al looks Luke straight in the eyes)

AL: It has to work, Luke.

Hazzard County
October 4, 1984

(The scene is inside Boss Hogg’s office at the county court house. Boss Hogg does his weaping routine while holding two sheets of crumpled paper. There is a large stack of paper next to him. Rosco stands over him, to his right, watching.)

ROSCO: Boss, if you don’t stop cryin’ like that, you’re liable to dry up and shrivle like a big fat prune.

BOSS HOGG: Rosco, do you know what that there stack of paper is?

ROSCO: (picking at the papers)….Your lunch orders for the week?

BOSS HOGG: (slapping Rosco’s hand) No, you numbskull! These here are all the best planned cons and schemes I’ve come up with over the years, and not one of ’em has made me a dime! And do you know why? Because of them Dukes, that’s why! Them dang-blasted Duke boys have managed to ruin EVERY plan I’ve come up with. The only way I’m ever gonna be able to make any of my schemes work again is to get Bo and Luke Duke outta my life once and for all!

ROSCO: OOoooooo…bad news. Bad news, Boss. I don’t think you’re gonna be able to do that. Remember when Bo and Luke came back from the Nascar circuit? They both said they was never gonna leave Hazzard again.

BOSS HOGG: I know! I know! Rosco, I’ll tell ya…I’m so desperate, I’d settle for gettin’ rid of just one of them Duke boys.

(Switch to a view of Hazzard Square. The General Lee enters the square and heads towards Cooter’s Garage)

SAM: (thinking) After sitting down to lunch with the Dukes, it became very obvious to me how they had the history Al had described. Even though the conversation we had was short, I could tell there was literally nothing they wouldn’t do to help each other. I just hoped Bo would remember that when I tried to talk him out of racing two days from now. The fact that Bo and I were here right now also told me that Jesse had a lot more in common with my dad than just appearance. He obviously took on the brunt of the farm chores himself, while Bo Luke and Daisy dealt with whatever else needed to be done. (the General Lee pulls into Cooter’s) Now came the hard part of being Luke. Socializing with someone he’s probably known his entire life. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to go it alone.

(On Cue, Al appears next to Sam as he climbs out the General Lee’s passenger window.)

SAM: Thank God.

AL: You didn’t think I’d leave you hanging, did you?

SAM: Sometimes I swear you do that just for dramatic effect.

AL: (waves his hands at at Sam) Whatever. Just, after hello, don’t say anything until I tell you to.

COOTER: Hey, how’s it goin’, y’all?

BO: Hey, Cooter! How’s it goin’, buddy?

COOTER: Well, thanks to you two, business is boomin’. Boss is about to owe me another hundred bucks after I fix Rosco’s patrol car.

SAM: Well, we’re just glad he made it out ok.

(Bo and Cooter look at Sam, puzzled)

AL: Sam! What did I just tell you?!

COOTER: So, what brings my two best customers by here today?

BO: Luke and me was thinkin’ it’s time to get the General’s oil changed, Cooter. Ain’t that right, Luke?

AL: Uuuhhhh….tell him the brakes have been running squeekier than a mouse with his tail caught in a trap.

(Sam gives Al a “you gotta be kidding me” look)

AL: Say it!

SAM: Yeah, the uh….the brakes have been runnin’ squeekier than a mouse with his tail caught in a trap.

COOTER: Alright, lemme just go inside and get my oil pan. Y’all wanna hang tight a couple minutes, this shouldn’t take too long.

(Switch back to Boss Hogg’s office. There is a knock on the door. A man enters)

THOMPSON: Mr. Hogg?

BOSS HOGG: Yeah, I’m J.D. Hogg. Who might you be?

THOMPSON: My name is Bob Thompson. I’d like to talk to you about one of the young men who lives here in Hazzard.

ROSCO: Wait a minute, I know who you are. Ain’t I seen you on tv?

THOMPSON: If you’re a racing fan, I’m sure you have. I’m a professional racer on the Nascar circuit.

BOSS HOGG: Oh, a driver on the pro circuit, huh? It just got a whole lot clearer who you wanna talk to me about. Which one of them Duke boys did you want?

THOMPSON: I believe his name is Bo. He and his cousin Luke had a rather brief but successful racing career a few years back.

BOSS HOGG: Yeah, that’s right. They was gone for about five months, then they came back. Say, what do you want with Bo Duke, anyway?

THOMPSON: You see, Mr. Hogg, I’m due to retire next month. But my car is doing so well this season that I’d hate to retire it early. So, I thought I’d find a good driver to take my place for the rest of the season. When I asked around the circuit, Bo’s name came up more than any other.

BOSS HOGG: Yeah, well, that explains why you want him. But it doesn’t explain what you’re doin’ HERE. I mean, the Dukes got a farm just outside’a town. You coulda found their place just as easy as you did this one. What’d you come to see me for?

THOMPSON: I’ve done my homework, Mr. Hogg. I know Bo and Luke are on probation and that you’re their probation officer. That makes you the man to see if I want to hire Bo as my replacement.

(Switch back to Bo, Sam, and Cooter. Cooter has just finished draining the oil out of the General’s engine and is about to pour a new can in.)

COOTER: Hey, Y’all, I almost forgot to tell ya. You’ll never guess who I just saw goin’ into the court house right before y’all got here.

BO: Who?

COOTER: None other than Bob Thompson, himself.

BO: You’re kiddin’, Cooter! Bob thompson the Nascar driver?

SAM: Nascar driver…? (subtley looks at Al)

AL: I’m on it, Sam. Gooshie, center me on Bob Thompson! (Al pauses, obviously listening to Gooshie) Never mind who he is, just center me inside the court house across the street. Quick!

(Al pokes at the handlink and disappears. Switch back the Boss Hogg’s office. Al appears next to Thompson.)

AL: Oh, good. You guys are all still here. What are you talking about?

(Thompson shakes hands with Boss Hogg)

THOMPSON: Well, Mr. Hogg, it was a pleasure meeting you. You too, Sheriff. I’ll be back tomorrow to get those probation release papers from you.

AL: Probation papers? What probation papers? (looks at Boss Hogg and Rosco) Who are you two, anyway? (pokes at the handlink). Let’s see you (looks at Boss Hogg) are J.D. Hogg, you’re the county commissioner. You’re also Bo and Luke’s probation officer. (pauses, confused) Probation officer? (pokes at handlink again). Oh yeah, here we go. Bo and Luke got busted a few years back for running mooshine. And the sheriff’s name is (pokes at handlink again) Rosco Coltrane. (The handlink whines) What?? (smacks the side of it)…oh, Rosco P. Coltrane, sorry. Wait a minute, if Bo and Luke are on probation, how was Bo able to leave the state to go on the racing circuit?

(Thompson exits)

BOSS HOGG: (doing his maniacal laugh) Rosco, my prayers have been answered!!

AL: Prayers?? What prayers?

ROSCO: GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS!……Uh, what prayers was that exactly?

AL: (looking at Rosco in amazement) THIS is the county sheriff? I think I’ll assume this is NOT the guy that busted Bo and Luke on that shine run.

BOSS HOGG: (angrily) Rosco, go turn on that fan on top of that filin’ cabinet.

ROSCO: The fan? What for, Boss? It ain’t cold in here.

BOSS HOGG: Oh, it ain’t to cool off. I want the breeze to get that pinwheel you call a brain movin’ again! I’m talkin’ about my prayers to get rid of one of them Duke boys!

AL: I don’t believe this…..an entire town run by Laurel and Hardy.

BOSS HOGG: Dontcha get it, Rosco? When I sign them probation papers for that Thompson fella, Bo Duke will be on his way back to the racin’ circuit and outta my life FOREVA!!!!! (Maniacal laugh)

AL: Uh oh….I better let Sam know what’s goin’ on here. But first, I better see if I can catch up with Bob Thompson and get something useful out of him. Gooshie, center me on Bob Thompson again.

(Al pokes at the handlink and disappears. Switch to an interior shot of Thompson’s car. Al appears in the back seat. Thompson is talking to his racing partner in the front seat.)

AL: Oh, good. There you are. I hope I didn’t miss anything important.

PARTNER: So, how’d it go in there?

THOMPSON: Smooth as silk. Bo Duke should be ours by tomorrow night.

PARTNER: Perfect. A month should be more than enough time to train that farm boy how to drive like you, so our bookie friend won’t know he’s not you in that race.

AL: Uh oh, I don’t like the sound of this…

THOMPSON: That’s right. We put Bo Duke in my place for my “last race”, our bookie sends his planted driver in to take out our car, Bo goes to an early grave instead of me, and you and I retire to the sweet life in Switzerland.

AL: Oh, my God. It’s a set-up. I’ve heard all I need to. Gooshie, center me on Sam!

(Al disappears from backseat and re-appears over at Cooter’s, next to Sam)

AL: Sam, I’ve got important news. We gotta talk right now! Tell Cooter you need to use his head.

(Sam looks at Al, confused)

AL: The bathroom! Tell him you need to use his bathroom.

SAM: I’ll be right back, y’all. I gotta make a little uh….pitstop.

COOTER: Yeah, sure, be my guest.

(Al pokes at the handlink and disappears. Sam walks into the garage to find him waiting by the bathroom door.)

AL: Nice job with the lingo out there, Sam. I’m impressed.

SAM: Never mind that. What’s the important news?

AL: It’s not good. I was just in the back seat of Bob Thompson’s car listening to his conversation with his racing partner…

SAM: And?

AL: And I got the impression that Thompson and/or his partner owe a lot of money to a racing bookie.

SAM: What does any of that have to do with Bo?

AL: I’m getting to that. Both Thompson and his partner seem very convinced that since he can’t collect his money, he’s gonna get payment from them another way during Thompson’s quote on quote retirement race next month. Are the pieces of the puzzle starting to fit together now?

SAM: Yeah, and I don’t like the picture we’re getting.

AL: Me neither. So, it’s beginning to look like Bo’s accident wasn’t an accident at all.

SAM: (sighs and nods weakly) It was murder.

(Sam and Al look outside to see Bo sitting on the General Lee’s hood, laughing with Cooter)

SAM: ……..Oh, boy.
(fade out)
End Act 2