by: Keith
October 5, 1984
ACT 4
(Fade in on Partner leading Bo and Sam into Thompson’s room at gunpoint. Al appears next to Sam)
AL: Careful, Sam. This guy looks like he’s got an itchy trigger finger, and Ziggy says there’s an 87.6 percent chance he’ll shoot you at the slightest move.
SAM: (to partner) You’re never gonna get away with this, you know. My cousin and I are well-known in this town. People are gonna notice we’re gone.
BO: That’s right. And our Uncle Jesse and cousin Daisy ain’t gonna rest til they find us.
(Handlink whales in Al’s hand. He reads it)
AL: Oh, terrific. Sam, Bo just changed history. Now, his and Luke’s bodies are found at the bottom of a cliff about a mile outside of town.
THOMPSON: Well, then we’ll just have to hide you boys someplace nobody’ll ever find you. Move.
(Thompson’s partner motions Bo and Sam out the door with his gun. Fade to an exterior shot of Thompson’s car driving along the dirt roads of Hazzard. Switch to an interior shot of the silent ride while Sam thinks.)
SAM: (thinking) As Thompson’s partner drove Bo and I to our untimely deaths, the words Al said to me yesterday, “This seems like a nice, quiet town.” kept running through my head. In the hours since breakfast, it seemed as though everything Bo and I said and did changed history and created alternate timelines. I don’t think it was the situation itself that worried me as much as the fact that Bo didn’t seem fazed by any of this. It made me wonder if days like this weren’t just par for the course of living in Hazzard.
(Exterior shot of the car pulling up beside a cliff. Partner gets out and opens the back door to let Bo and Sam out. Bo gets out with his hands up. Sam gets out and suddenly lands a flying drop kick on Partner’s jaw. Bo runs around to the passenger side as Thompson gets out. Thompson pulls a pistol of of his jacket. Bo stops suddenly.)
BO: (grinning sheepishly) Y’all didn’t tell us ya had a gun.
THOMPSON: I didn’t tell you I didn’t, either.
BO: I guess it’s safe to say you don’t want me to take yer place on the pro circuit no more, huh?
THOMPSON: Kinda hard for a dead man to drive in a race, isn’t it?
SAM: You don’t have to kill us, you know.
THOMPSON: Oh, let me guess…if I let you two go right now, you won’t talk to the police, right?
SAM: No, I’m not saying that at all. But if you end this right now, the only charge will be kidnapping. You won’t have to add murder to it.
(We see Al standing just off to Thompson’s left)
AL: Unless the judge decides to get ’em for attempted manslaughter, too.
(Sam shoots Al a look)
AL: Sorry.
SAM: So, what do ya say?
THOMPSON: What do I say?….I say prepare to meet your maker.
(Just as Thompson cocks hit gun to fire, a green and white police squad car approaches from behind. The distraction is enough to allow Sam to jump over the car and knock the gun out of Thompson’s hand. He picks it up and points it at Thompson. The Sheriff driving sees what’s happening and screeches to a stop. The sheriff is a large black man in a green uniform and helmet. He throws his door open and quickly points his pistol at Sam.)
SHERIFF LITTLE: Freeze! Police! Drop that weapon, Duke boy!
AL: Do what he says, Sam. Bo and Luke can get in big trouble for posession of fire arms. And hopefully, this sheriff will take things nice and slow while I have Ziggy figure out who he is and how he knows Bo and Luke. (Al begins poking vigorously at the handlink).
SAM: (placing the gun on the ground) Sheriff, I’m glad you’re here. I want you to arrest these men on the charge of kidnapping.
BO: Yeah, and they was tryin’ to kill us, too.
AL: Uh oh, Sam. This is kinda mixed news, here. This is Sheriff Ed Little of Chicasaw County. That’s where we are right now. Sorry, I saw Thompson’s partner drive past that sign but I didn’t think it was relevant. But this Sheriff Little doesn’t like you and Bo. And now he just caught you breaking your probation by crossing the county line and holding that gun.
SHERIFF LITTLE: (Forcefully) So, let me get this straight. I catch you two Duke boys outside Hazzard without permission, holdin’ a gun on this man, and you expect me to arrest THEM? (Picks the gun up off the ground and tucks it into his belt) Alright, I want all four of ya in my car NOW til I get this all straightened out. And I’ll call Hogg and Coltrane about you two when we get back to my station.
SAM: But, sheriff, you don’t….
(Sheriff little puts his finger in front of his mouth to shoosh Sam.)
SAM: But we’re not the….
(Sheriff Little repeats the motion)
AL: Forget it, Sam. He’s not gonna listen. You better just get in the car.
(Sam puts his hands up to surrender. Bo does the same. They both get into the back of Sheriff Little’s car. Thompson and his partner walk toward the car. Thompson turns suddenly and punches Sheriff Little. Little is down long enough for Thompson and his partner to get back in their car and drive away. Sheriff Little stands and aims his gun at them.)
SHERIFF LITTLE: Stop or I’ll shoot!!
(Little shoots but misses. He gets into his squad car and starts the engine.)
SHERIFF LITTLE: Them two ain’t gettin’ away that easy! Buckle up back there, Duke boys! I don’t like takin’ damaged goods into custody!
(Al is in the passenger seat of the squad car)
AL: Boy, this guy’s all heart, isn’t he. Sam, just hang on for a minute while I try to get something useful out of Ziggy.
SAM: Do I have a choice?
(Sheriff Little assumes Sam is talking to him)
SHERIFF LITTLE: Not when you’re in my custody. Now, I know you two know how to outsmart Hogg and Coltrane, but if either of ya tries anything with me, this pistol will be pointed straight at your knee cap.
AL: You know, Sam, if it wasn’t you he was talking to, I think I’d actually admire that. (handlink squeals in Al’s hand) Ooo…we got something! Oh, terrific news, Sam. Ziggy says that Thompson’s bookie is in Capital City. He must be following him, thinking he’s gonna try and welch on his bet.
SAM: How much?
AL: (pokes at handlink and gets a shocked look) That’s a lot bigger number than I would have figured.
SAM: AL…
AL: ……Half a million. (looks at Bo and sees him giving Sam a strange look) Uh, Sam. Better keep your mouth shut for now.
SAM: (to Bo) What’s the matter?
BO: You’re goin’ squirelly on me again, Luke. Just like yesterday. Would you please tell me just what in the heck is goin’ on inside your head?!
SAM: Look, Bo, don’t ask me how I know. You’d never believe me. But Thompson’s bookie is in Capitol City. If we can manage to get Sheriff little and Thompson to follow us there, we should be able to find some kind of evidence that will get Thompson, his lacky, and the bookie thrown in prison for more years than they can count on their fingers.
BO: Well, that sounds like a great plan, Luke, but you’re forgettin’ one thing….
SAM: What?
BO: How are we gonna get Sheriff Little to follow us if we’re sittin’ in the back of his patrol car?
SAM: You just leave that to me.
(Switch to an exterior shot of Sheriff Little aiming his pistol at Thompson’s tires. He shoots, but Thompson weaves and dodges the shot. He fires a second shot, but Thompson takes a corner to the right and dodges again. Sheriff Little, frustrated and angry, aims very carefully, fires a third shot, and takes out Thompson’ left rear tire. Thompson’s car swerves off the road into a ditch. Sheriff Little pulls up behind it and gets out of his car)
SHERIFF LITTLE: (to Bo and Sam) You two stay put til I get through with them.
(While Sheriff Little deals with Thompson and his partner, Bo sees a familiar truck approaching from behind through Sheriff Little’s rear view mirror. He smiles and looks at Sam)
BO: Hey, Luke, I think your plan just showed up.
(Sam looks out the rear window to see Cooter’s tow truck approaching, towing the General Lee)
SAM: Actually, my plan was to take this car and make the Sheriff follow us to Capitol City. I think I like his (nods to Cooter) plan a whole lot better.
(Bo gives Sam a look like this was not one of Luke’s best plans)
BO: ….Yeah, me too.
SAM: Well, it’s not gonna take him much longer to arrest those two. Let’s go.
(Sam and Bo each slowly and quietly open their car doors and run back to meet Cooter.)
COOTER: Hey, Y’all!
BO: Cooter, old buddy, are we glad to see you!
SAM: How’d you know where we were?
COOTER: Well, I seen Thompson and his buddy takin’ y’all outta the Hazzard Hotel. And I seen ’em put you in their car. And since you two goin’ anywhere without the General don’t tend to be a good thing, I figured I’d better tail ya to make sure nuthin’ went wrong. And as long as I was commin’, I figured I might as well bring the ol’ General along for the ride.
SAM: Cooter, you’re a life saver. Listen, why don’t you just let the General down and we should be alright from here.
COOTER: What’s goin’ on with these two, anyway.
(Al yells to Sam from over by Sheriff Little’s car)
AL: Sam, you’d better hurry up! He’s about to notice that you and Bo aren’t in his car!
SAM: Cooter, we don’t have time to explain. We gotta get outta here. We’ll fill ya in later.
(Switch back to Sheriff Little arresting Thompson and his partner. He notices the back doors to his patrol car are open. He looks all around and finally sees the General Lee pull out from behind Cooter’s truck. Bo blows the Dixie horn as they pass him. Sheriff Little, now very angry, orders Thompson and his partner into the back of the car. He gets in and starts after the General Lee. Switch to a shot of Bo and Sam in the General Lee. Al appears in the back seat)
AL: Alright, Sam. This is gonna get a little complicated here, but you gotta pull it off. Ziggy says that Thompson’s bookie has his betting slip in the glove compartment of his car. Now, Sheriff Little may be mean, but he’s honest. If you can get that betting slip into his hands, he’ll get it into the hands of the state police and the whole lot of ’em…..Thompson, his partner, the bookie and his goon, they’ll all end up in prison for illegal gambling. Plus, if you can talk Bo into testifying, Thompsn and his partner will do time for attempted murder. But there’s one VERY important catch to all this….(Sam gives Al a worried look) you can’t let Sheriff Little catch up to you until you’re back in Hazzard. If he catches you in Chickasaw, Capitol City, or anyplace else other than Hazzard, he’ll arrest you and Bo for violating your probation.
SAM: (to Bo) Ok, here’s what we gotta do. Thompson’s bookie has his betting slip in the glove compartment of his car. If we can get a hold of that and get Sheriff Little to follow us back to Hazzard, we should be in the clear.
BO: Sounds like a pretty good plan to me, but y’all got any idea what the bookie’s drivin’?
AL: (pokes at handlink) Uh….it’s a grey sedan, license plate number 177-MMT, and it’s got a big dent in the left rear quarter panel.
SAM: Grey sedan with a dent on the side.
(Bo gives Sam a scrutinizing look)
SAM: Look, don’t ask me how I know all this. You’d never believe me anyway. Just keep your eyes out for that car. (to Al)…and see if we can find that bookie.
AL: Gotcha. Gooshie, center me on Thompson’s bookie! (Al looks like he’s listening to someone) How the hell do I know his name?! Ask Ziggy! Just center me on him fast!
(Al waits a few seconds, pokes at the handlink, and disappears. He appears in the back seat of the bookie’s car.)
AL: Alright, I got him. Now I just gotta figure out where we are.
(Al spots the General Lee approaching from the oppostie side of the road.)
AL: You gotta be kiddin’ me. (frustrated) I wish I could blow the horn or something. (pokes at handlink) Gooshie, center me on Sam!
(Al disappears and re-appears in teh back seat of the General Lee)
AL: Sam! Quick! That’s the bookie commin’ up on the other side of the road!
SAM: (pointing to the bookie’s car) Bo…
BO: I see ’em, Luke. Hang on!
(Bo makes a 180 degree turn in the road, cutting off the bookie’s car. The grey sedan veers off the road, hits a large log, and flips over. Switch back to the General Lee)
BO: We better make sure they’re alright.
SAM: I’ll make sure they’re alright. You stay here. We’re gonna need to make a quick getaway once I get that betting slip.
(Sam climbs out of the General Lee and makes his way to the sedan. He manages to open the passenger side door)
SAM: You two alright?
BOOKIE: Who are you? What’s the idea, runnin’ us off the road like that?
SAM: Sorry about that. But y’all got somethin’ I need.
(Sam opens the glove compartment and pulls out a stack of betting slips. He waves them at the bookie)
SAM: Thanks. The sheriff will be along in a minute to help ya out.
(Sam hears Sheriff Little’s siren getting closer and runs back to the General Lee. He climbs in the window)
SAM: I got ’em! Let’s get goin’!
(The General Lee peels out just as Sheriff Little arrives and makes a 180 degree turn in the road. He stops to talk to the bookie)
SHERIFF LITTLE: You two stay put! I’ll be back!
(Sheriff Little’s car peels out to chase the General Lee. Switch back to a shot of Bo and Sam in the General Lee)
SAM: Well, we got a pretty good head start on him. We should be able to make it back to Hazzard without any problems.
BO: You kiddin’, Luke? You forgot about that souped up engine he’s got in that thing? He’ll be back on us before we reach the Chickasaw county line.
SAM: Terrific. So how are we supposed to make it back to Hazzard?
BO: (grinning) Same way we always get away from Rosco.
SAM: (closing his eyes) Oh God. Not another jump.
(Bo looks out the side view mirror and sees Sheriff Little’s car)
BO: Ah. There he is. Just like I figured.
(Bo looks at the road ahead and smirks)
SAM: What are you gonna do?
BO: Well, there’s the county line just ahead…
SAM: Yeah, but Sheriff Little’s gainin’ on us pretty good.
BO: Yeah, he is. But there’s a real nice dip in the road right there. If I can hit that just right, we should sail clar over the county line, back into Hazzard. Once we’re there, he can catch up to us all he wants. There ain’t nuthin he can do to us.
SAM: Sounds kinda dangerous. You sure that’ll work?
BO: I can answer that question in two words, cousin….HANG ON!!
(An exterior shot of the General Lee hitting the dip and launching into the air. Switch briefly to Sheriff Little watching, then back to a shot of the General Lee flying over the “Welcome To Hazzard” sign. The General Lee lands flat on all four wheels and continues along the road. Sheriff Little hits the dip with only the right front tire and flies sideways, landing on the passenger side. The car looses balance and falls back onto all four wheels. Sheriff Little sticks his head out the window and waves an angry fist at the departing General Lee. Switch back to a shot of Bo and Sam)
AL: Sam, that was absolutely incredible!! I mean, it’s amazing this thing didn’t bust an axle making a move like that!
BO: (to Sam) So, where do ya figure we aughtta take the evidence?
(Sam looks at Al)
AL: Ziggy says your best bet is to find Enos Strate. He’s the local deputy, and he’s honest.
SAM: Well, why don’t we go see if we can find Enos? I figure he’s about the only real shot we got.
BO: You got it.
(Switch to the county booking room about fifteen minutes later. Sam hands Enos the betting slips. Al stands off to the side)
ENOS: Possum on a gumbush! Y’all mean to tell me that this Thompson fella tried to kill y’all over some silly little gamblin’ debt?
BO: That’s right, Enos. His bettin’ slip is in that stack someplace.
SAM: Right. And we figure Sheriff Little must have all four of them guys in custody by now.
ENOS: Well, I’ll hold these bettin’ slips as evidence til I can get ahold of Sheriff Little to come and get ’em. Meantime, I gotta get sworn statements from y’all. But given how serious the charges will be, I gotta do ’em seperate.
SAM: Don’t meantion it, Enos. Listen, I’ll wait outside while Bo give you his.
(Sam begins to exit. Al follows)
AL: …..Possum on a gumbush?
(Al follows Sam out into the hallway.)
SAM: Well, Al, I think we have a new contender for the strangest leap ever.
AL: (poking at handlink) Yeah, you can say that again. But what matters is, you did it. Thompson and his partner do twenty years for kidnapping and attempted murder. The bookie does five for illegal gambling….
SAM: What about the Dukes? Does everything turn out ok for them?
AL: Oh yeah. Absolutely. Bo still goes back on the Nascar circuit, but it’s not for a couple of years, and he does great. Wins just about every race he enters. Luke still leaves the farm, but he doesn’t disappear like before. He joins the forestry service as a smoke jumper. Daisy still marries L.D. but with Bo and Luke around to talk to, she gets out of it before it gets violent. She ends up going to…oh isn’t that poetic…DUKE University and getting her doctorate in ecology.
SAM: (chuckling) That’s terrific. What about the uncle?
AL: Oh, he’s fine too. Matter of fact, he lives to be a ripe old man. And the best part is, Bo, Luke, and Daisy all come back home for a big town reunion about two years before he dies. They all stay and help him with the farm like they do now.
SAM: That’s great, Al. But there’s just one thing that’s bothered me through this entire leap.
AL: What’s that?
SAM: Not one thing went the way Ziggy predicted it would. I mean, she said this whole thing wasn’t supposed to happen until tomorrow, but here we are and it’s all over. She said Thompson was supposed to be in Capitol City, but he ends up being on the same road we were. Thompson was supposed to be the one to approach Bo, but the commissioner and the sheriff did. I mean, what was wrong with her on this leap?
AL: Yah, I noticed all that stuff, too. I aksed her about it and she said “There’s just no way to predict what’s gonna happen next in a town like Hazzard.” Sounds like a cheap cop-out line you’d expect to hear from a narrator.
(As Al finishes, Bo enters the hallway.)
BO: Your turn, Luke. I’ll be waitin’ outside for ya.
SAM: You got it.
(Fade to a dirt road about ten minutes later. The General Lee drives past, from right to left. Switch to a shot of Bo and Sam in the General Lee.)
BO: Well, Luke, looks like the only racin’ I’ll be doin’ for a while is outrunnin’ Rosco and Enos. Woulda been nice, though, to get back onto that Nascar circuit.
SAM: Well, I wouldn’t give up hope just yet. Ya never know what might happen.
(Suddenly, we hear Rosco’s siren behind the General Lee. Bo looks in the side view mirror)
BO: Where the heck did he come from? He got a new speed trap we don’t know about?
SAM: Beats me but uh….I’m guessing you’re gonna try to lose him?
BO: (smirking) Wouldn’t wanna distrub the natural balance of things, would I? And, wouldn’t ya know, we’re right back at Dry Creek just like yesterday.
SAM: Are you gonna do what I think you’re gonna do?
BO: Well, cousin, let me put it to ya this way….
(Bo puts the gas pedal to the floor as the General Lee gets closer to the creek bed. Focus on Sam closing his eyes as tightly as he can.)
SAM: ….Oh boy…
(Just before the General Lee reaches the creek bed, Sam leaps. When the leap is over, Sam finds himself standing in the front doorway of a suburban home. He is wearing a bathrobe, pajama pants and floppy slippers. A little girl comes running from behind him, carrying a kids lunch box. She reaches up to hug and kiss him.)
MEGAN: Bye, Daddy.
(She runs toward a very modern-looking school bus parked in front of the house)
SAM: (confused) Bye bye…have a good day.
(Sam sees a newspaper on the cement path in front of him. He picks it up and reads the date.
SAM: May 18th (his eyes bulge wide open)…..2025?? (in a shocked whisper)….Oh, boy.
THE END