By: Deathangel_Tori

“You. Heard. Right. Rosco. I am running for president of the U.S. of A.” He said shoving a cigar back into his mouth while mirth danced on his features.

Rosco was unsure how to respond. Heck he didn’t even know how to react. Sure his little fat buddy loved money, but never showed an aspirations in politics outside of the little county. Then it hit him.

“Um, Boss. Thats really great and all, but where does that leave me?”

Boss thought for a moment, “You can be my Vice DO-DO.”

“Khee. See now I thought you forgot all about me you little meadow muffin you.” Sudden realisation hit him as he went over Boss’s words again ‘Vice Dodo‘ He reckoned there should be an insult, but of all the things Boss had called in the past this was actually a far more nicer thing. He left Boss to work while he went on his rounds, after all he was going to be vice to the next president of the United States. Right? He wasn’t sure if Boss was really including him in on his plans but he hoped for a change that it wasn’t just a puff of smoke.

After a year and a half worth of campaigning Boss did Become President and Rosco… well… he did get his Vice Dodoship, I…I mean vice presidency and generally running amok.

“Boss… Boss. Khee!”

“Rosco. How many times do I have to tell you, address me as President Boss! C’mere you dodo.” He yanked poor Rosco into the oval office. “Now how’s the franchise?”

“Franchise? Boss? I don’t get what your asking?” Rosco had bigger news to tell him, like what his new stills have been producing.

“Yah Know. THEE Franchise.”

Rosco shook his head still in complete confusion, “Um, no, I don’t, but I will tell you the new stills you placed since taking office really shot through the roof!” He was really pleased at giving President Boss good news for a change.

Boss shook his head and gasped when he realized that Rosco said what he said where he said it.”You dang jackass!” He pulled him by the lapels of Rosco’s red suit and whispered to him. “Where are you at?”

He thought for a moment, “In your office.”

“And just where is that office located in?”

“OOOh, I know that one, shoot. The White House. Dang, I know something ya know.”

“Oh you do? I don’t think so. Ever hear of Watergate?”

“Khee, Is that the door to the pool room?”

Boss sighed, how he managed to make it to this point with him as a side kick completely baffled him. “No Rosco, you idjit. Taped recordings. Scandal. Any of that ring a bell in that little pea brain of yours?” He shook his head and changed his hat for his poker visor. “Allright, do you think you keep from giving away any more of our business to the feds? I’m going to play a few hands with Chinese President Hu Jintao and Vladimir Putin in the Vermeil Room.”

Nothing calmed Boss down more then playing cards, but even better now since he was winning parcels of land from world leaders to put the next Hogg’s something or other on the market. Now Boss at this point had been winning quite a number of hands and losing a few to make it look all legit. Wouldn’t ya know ole’ Rosco had to come along and throw a monkey wrench in the works, complete with the monkey.

“Boss, I think you dropped this and these too.”

Now Rosco has some horrendeous timing. Those other country leaders don’t seem to like the fact that the President here were cheating them the entire time. “Dung ee hwar… chou ma niao! Go HWONG-TONG!” He motioned to his body guard and began his advance on the soon to be Late President Hogg.

“Leave a bit for me, Comrade.”

This was way more then Boss wanted to get into, he went off scurrying for parts unknown leaving his staff and his secret service to pick up the pieces.

“You Jackass! This is all your fault!”

“Mister President.”

“Oh yes, did you take care of the situation…”

“We’re not secret service sir.”

“You’re not?” His frown became even more of a frown if that was even possible and got a really bad bad feeling. “Then who the heck are ya?”

“FBI, sir. I’m afraid you’ll have to come with us.”

“What for?” The feds hurried the president and vice into a black expedition to be ferried away.

“Your under arrest for illegal alcohol production. Specifically Moonshine.” Boss was shocked he’d been found out and decided to bully his way out.

“You moron. Don’t you know who I am? I’m the president of the Unit…”

The agent waved a hand in the air clearly dismissing Boss, “You were. As soon as the formal charges are made you’ll be stripped of that duty.”

Now Boss was fit to be tied. He’d never been caught if he was back in Hazzard, specially since he owned it, he had owned the law too and now…

“It was him,” pointing to Rosco. “I had no knowledge of any moonshine.” He was smug now, he just passed the buck to his brother in law.

“Now wait a pea picking minute! You can’t….guh! oohh, thats what I think it is?” pointing to the black object that gave a nice click as it was readied.

“Rosco. How many times do I have to tell you, address me as President Boss! C’mere you dodo.” He yanked poor Rosco into the oval office.”Now how’s the franchise?”

“Franchise? Boss? I don’t get what your asking?” Rosco had bigger news to tell him, like what his new stills have been producing.

“Yah Know. THEE Franchise.”

Rosco shook his head still in complete confusion, “Um, no, I don’t, but I will tell you the new stills you placed since taking office really shot through the roof!”

The agent turned off the recorder. Both convicted prisoners whimpered and exchanged looks at each other. What they feared had finally come to pass.

Rosco closed his eyes seeing everything disappear in a heartbeat and then to reopen them to look over the dash of his patrol car.

“OOh, OOhh!!” He looked at his surroundings and finding great comfort that he was truly in Hazzard. “Hot Dang! That one was a doozy!” An orange car took an oppurtune time to go flying past the nose of his car. “Khee! Hot Pur-suit! I love it! I love it! Boy do I love it!”

So poor ole Rosco went chasing after the boys and ended up sitting in someones barn after not negotiating a turn properly. Boss clearly had no ambitions to be president and even let out a mild expletive when the Dukes arrived on time with the mortgage money. Some things, thankfully will never change.

 

Translations:

Dung ee hwar… – hold on a second

Chou ma niao-stinking horse-urine

Go HWONG-TONG – Enough of this nonsense