(Smokey and the Bandit/Dukes of Hazzard) – Sheriff Justice thinks he’s got the perfect plan to finally nail Bandit and Snowman…but when everything comes to a head in Hazzard County, he finds more than he bargained for.
by: Karen Campbell
(Dukes/Greatest American Hero Crossover) — General Lee has some company in the skies over Hazzard….
by: Bobbi Raye Duke
The Amtrak train flew by on the track on its way to Memphis. The tall, stocky, raven haired, buff woman came out of the lavatory, cool and slow. She looked around, clad in a black velvet bustier studded with diamonds and blue jeans. “What’s the matter,” she thought playfully, “never seen a sexually independent woman before? Goodness knows when JC Chasez licks the stage, you glorify him, but when Madonna displays her own sexual independence, you scorn her and all the young’uns who come after her.”
The other woman, her accomplice, was sitting tightly in her chair, trying to hide desperately from the real world that she detested. A haggard woman, her bleached hair looked like it was forced by gunpoint into curlers, then released never to be the same again. Her face looked like a boiled cabbage, it looked like if you touched it with the slightest touch, it would literally explode, tissue, viscera, blood and all, on contact with a feather-touch, and release air filled with gall, hate, loathing and verbal/emotional abuse and abominable obscenity like no other a human being had ever encountered before. She pathetically quivered in her seat, looking like a heap of soggy Corn Flakes and feeling that way. She wore a pentagram hidden deep in her hefty cleavage, though she looked like just a ragged old evil thing that escaped a nursing home years ago, there was a dark truth about hr, she was a Satanic Wiccan.
The other woman strided toward her seat cooly as a black panther. She sat down in her seat. A waitress went up to her and said “Would you care for a cocktail, Madam?” “A Kahlua and cream, please.” the woman said in a business-is-business type attitude. The two women sat staring at the tunnel in front of them, they were in the middle of the train, near the emergency exit. They sat quietly, not talking to each ther for a moment. The raven-haired siren peered out the window where the other woman was sitting. “So funny,” she said in a Southern drawl. “One would think only Angels fly as swiftly.” She slyly grinned. “Don’t speak of Angels. They give me the evil runs,” the other woman grumbled, her voice sounding like it was a fart coming from the depths of Hell itself, and just as foul-smelling.
The other woman got her Kahlua and Cream and coolly and luxuriously sipped it. The business between the two was a black-market peddling of an illegal new drug made from fermented birch bark brew with a dangerous hallucination-inducing chemical, liquid nexxus, the once-famous drug of night clubs, now in liquid form. Wiccans of the Haggard’s coven now used it to recieve money in order to acquire the accessories to do what thy did best–kidnap, sexual assault, sexual assualt of minors, body mutilation, animal abuse, murder, and otheprverse abominatins, or what they called “coven rituals”.
“Got the cooler?” The raven-haired siren said. The Haggard slyly displayed it subtly, only to the siren, under her seat. Full of the stuff, the woman trusted the Haggard, she knew it was full of jug after jug. The Haggard’s coven had connections natiowide by internet. Her next stop was Memphis to poison youth, teens, and heaven knows whoever else 2 to 30 with her evil brew while she killed, raped, molested and slaughtered other innocent, pure youth completely hidden from the public eye very cleverly.
“Not this time”, the siren thought. The siren pulled open a sleek, sexy gold case, full of a cool 1k. She displayed the money wih a smile. Slience filled the car as the Haggard reached for the money with one hand, her other hand on the handle of the cooler.
Perfect timing.
The siren clasped her hand around the woman’s hand as if she were cuffing her. A lovely rush of adrenaline ran through the siren’s body as she yanked the woman from her seat, much to the immediate dismay of all on board who watched. The Haggard screeched, howled and bellowed, bellowing horrid obscenities while the siren got her in a headlock. The woman sounded like Satan as a Bostonian woman of 78. Both spilled out of the emergency door like moonshine from a jug. The siren cleverly usedthe Haggard’s plastic cooler as a good cushion as both bodies bounced from the train into a nearby field. A figure suddenly trotted up to them on a horse as the siren cleverly hog-tied the screeching Haggard quicker than the blink of an eye. The figure on the horse was…angelic. She was a lovely brunette country girl in very short cutoffs and a lovely blue bandanna print halter top. A roar equivalent of that of a lion shook the nearby woods as a dashing car, painted an orange color, came storming out of nowhere belting passionately the first few bars of Dixie.
The driver appeared, a paradoxically wise yet sweetly naiive sort of country gentleman, someone a woman would want to make sweet passionate love to for the rest of her life, peered out of the window and smiled with a genuine sweetness. “Have a nice ride, shugah?” he asked the screaming, hysterical haggard.
“Crazy dyke!” the haggard screamed in an alto voice to the siren. The siren lifted up her… mask…and yanked something off her neck…a voice altering computer chip! The woman suddenly spokewith the voice of a sexy, sweet, Georgian 18-year-old guy!
“I do believe the proper offensive term you wanna use is crazy homo, shugah!”
The siren yanked off her mask. She was an 18-year-old blonde Georgia man, handsome and sly as a cougar and just as lithe, as innocent and pure as Swiss cream.
The prisoner was taken to the General Lee as the blonde took his suit off to reveal his manly self. The wild horse was set free, and the trio drove with the song (just for variety’s sake, plus it was certainly loud enough to drown out the Haggard’s screeching) “Get Ready For This” by 2 Unlimited (what? A native Georgian listens just to Garth Brooks all the time?)
“Who the hell are you? Who the hell are you schizos?!” The Haggard screamed over and over.
[Charlie’s Voice, country music similar to the Dukes of Hazzard theme plays in the background] Not too long ago, there were some rednecks from Georgia. They were all moonshine runners in the beginning, running from a very corrupt law enforcement. Times were tough at my own agency, and I needed three good people who could take a lot of wear and tear. These three people were perfect, and now they and their lovely, quick-as-a-cat-car work for me. My name is Charlie.
*Charlie’s Angels theme plays*
by: Essy Jane
“Roscoe for the last time, we didn’t steal Boss Hogg’s car!” A blonde young man screamed. After jumping into so many bodies countless times I think I can predict some things in this situation. I turned around to find a mirror or something to see who I was.
Well I had no such luck and I wasn’t about to go search for one. I looked down and noticed the badge in the shape of a star. Well I guess clue number one was that I was a lawman. Now to see where I am…I took the badge off.
On there were the words ‘Hazzard County’ and of course the ever so popular ‘Sheriff’. The two boys were looking at me like I was crazy. I wasn’t crazy.
“Roscoe, you need to let us out of here. This is an injustice,” the brown haired one commented. They both looked like simple country boys. The long hair didn’t give me too much proof to what year it was or even what day it was but I am sure that some things happen like this.
“Now listen, I am sure I wouldn’t arrest you if I wasn’t sure that you both committed the crime,” I answered. They were laughing at me. I don’t understand…do I have a big pimple on my nose or is it just me? They continued laughing too. I couldn’t understand what was going on here. “It’s not funny!”
“Roscoe you haven’t been an honest man since Boss Hogg took away your pension.”
“Oh…right…I knew that.” Suddenly a rather large man walked into the room. He was dressed completely in white and in his hand there was a cigar. All I could possibly think or even say was, ‘Oh boy!’
“Roscoe quit talking with those trouble making boys. You have work to do and we have bigger fish to fry,” the chubby man grumped. Okay I am starting to get it now. I am in a hick town…or should I say County. From the looks of the boys, they must’ve done some sort of farming. This chubby man must be my Boss Hogg. Though I don’t understand it, the prisoners call him Boss too. “Roscoe you pea brain, hurry it up!” I came back to reality.
“Sure Boss…in a minute,” I replied.
“Ain’t you goanna say ‘okay little fat buddy’ and pinch my cheeks?”
“I would I go and do a thing like that Boss?”
“I wouldn’t be able to tell you. You have been doing it since you was a deputy…in fact since you met me.” Come on Al where are you? When you need him he’s not here and when he is here…well…never mind. I needed some sort of back up on this thing. I needed checks on these two boys.
I walked into Boss Hogg’s office. “Well Roscoe I am glad to see you in here at last. Now about this deal we have worked out. I have come to your percentage from last week. You get 50% of 50% of 50% of 50%,” Boss Hogg said.
“You better give me a bigger cut than zero!” I exclaimed. I wouldn’t accept that…why would this Roscoe character.
“How’d you know what I was giving you?”
“I am a sheriff not an idiot. Now you cut me a deal of my fair share or I will take you in. This was a written agreement.”
“Where are you getting all this from? Don’t answer that! Here’s your money! I am sorry Roscoe…very sorry.” Wow…well at least I did one good thing for this guy. Now Boss Hogg was giving me that look. I wasn’t crazy I tell you. I was just trying to figure out who I was.
“Thank you…I think I will go check on my prisoners now.”
“Yeah…you do that.” I walked out of Boss Hogg’s office. Now I was looking at the two boys. I wanted to talk to them but I didn’t think they would be all too friendly with me after I locked them in prison. Well that was about the time that Al showed up.
“I always knew you wanted to be a sheriff. I didn’t think that you would jump into one like this guy,” Al laughed.
“Everyone wants to be a sheriff when they’re little,” I answered.
“What’s that Roscoe?” The blonde one asked.
“Ummm…you be quiet.”
“What did I say?”
“Everything to bug me today that is what you have done to me; now I am going in my office and you boys better not try anything.”
2
I walked into my office but not without grabbing the keys on the wall. There was something about those boys that seemed tricky. I personally think those two were way too smart for prison. I walked into my office and closed the door.
“Your name is Roscoe P. Coltrane and please don’t forget that name because you will be saying it a lot not only to people but on a CB radio,” Al Started.
“I am a Sheriff in Hazzard County. I read the badge…that makes sense, tell me something I don’t know.”
“Sam the boys you have got in your jail right now are very important to you being here. Ziggy says that they are the town heroes.”
“Why in the world are they in jail if they’re heroes?” Al hits his communicator a few times trying to get it to work. I patiently wait for him to give me an answer.
“According to Ziggy, these guys are always in jail. Boss Hogg, I know you have already met him, he wants them out of the way so of course the best place to put them is in jail. Well most of the time.”
“What do you mean by that Al?”
“Well they escape from prison better than anyone in the world.”
“That makes sense…I think.”
“You are really going to need the boys for this one. They might be your only hope to saving the day.”
“Uh huh, why am I not surprised?”
“In about three weeks Boss Hogg and Jesse Duke disappear.”
“Why is that?”
“Well we don’t know that much. No one ever finds out about it. In fact, the Duke boys don’t find them until…a year after their disappearance. Now this devastates the whole family.”
“What about that Hogg family? I mean isn’t he liked?”
“To tell you the truth Sam…he is liked by few…very few. There are the following people that will be affected. Lulu Coltrane Hogg, Roscoe Coltrane, Enos Strate and all of the Dukes.”
“Hold it Al! I can’t figure out who Lulu is but who is this Enos Strate?”
“Your deputy of course; he’s honest unlike you.”
“Tell me just one thing, how many Dukes are there?”
“How many Dukes are there in the world or in Hazzard County?”
“Hazzard only…I don’t even want to think about how many Dukes there are all over the US.”
“Well the blonde one is Bo and he loves to drive. The dark haired one is Luke Duke and there’s Daisy…oh Daisy.”
“Lemme guess that’s why you were late finding me?”
“Well I had to research her…I mean her family.”
“Al you lying bachelor I don’t want to hear that!”
“Well you just wait until you see those legs. Ouch, she has my vote.
“The last one is Jesse Duke. He’s the one you have to worry about.”
“Okay I got it.”
“No you don’t. I have to give you Roscoe lessons now.” Roscoe Lessons, what was he talking about? Well I didn’t think I needed them until he showed me Roscoe’s little walk. Oh boy! I have never in all my days seen someone walk like that who was actually sane. Al had his arms brought forward with elbows bent and two much clenched fists.
“Are you sure that he walks that way?”
“Sam, just trust me.”
“I guess I have to.”
“You do, the boys are good at figuring things out.”
“Which means…?”
“Well, it means that if you don’t walk and talk like Roscoe, they will know it is not Roscoe.”
“But I look like him.”
“Ziggy said someone tried to look like him before. The Duke Boys don’t go for those other tricks.”
“I see.”
“You better get walking.” I tried walking like that when the door swung open. There was a silver haired man that walked in. He had worn overalls on and a red hat. “Uh Sam, meet Jesse Duke.”
“What can I do for you Jesse?”
“You know perfectly well what you can do for me! We wake up and find JD’s Cadillac sitting in the drive,” Jesse answered.
“That seems about right.”
“What you didn’t realize is we have the evidence that could prove you to be wrong.”
“See Sam, no tricks,” Al cut in.
“I see Jesse, what did you find?” I asked.
“We found your tire prints in the lot. That is directly linked to you, which takes all the charges laid on my nephews off of them. Now let my boys out!” Jesse exclaimed.
“Alright, your boys are free.” I suppose Boss Hogg wouldn’t like that but I really didn’t care. Roscoe deserved to be honest for a change.
“Well now, that’s more like it Roscoe.” I really wanted to get to know these boys more. I didn’t know what they liked to do here. I guessed though.
“Jesse I am sorry for this whole thing.”
“Yeah sure, then you wouldn’t have put that car there.”
“Boss Hogg told me to do it. You know he did. I am his employee.”
“Yeah…you are his employee.”
“Look Jesse, I don’t wanna fight anymore.”
“Okay, fine, we won’t fight anymore—unless you give me a reason to.” How could I make this man listen to what I had to say? Well then again, why would he want to listen to me? I mean seriously, I locked up his boys.
“Jesse, I guess that was a mistake and we have to—uh forgive and forget.” Jesse still didn’t look convinced. “To make it up I want to take your boys hunting.”
“It’s up to them.”
“You want me to ask them?”
“Why sure, it would be a lot better if you asked them considering where you put them.” I rolled my eyes but went to ask nonetheless. After they said yes I was told that I had to use a bow and arrows on the hunt. When I didn’t quite get why they wouldn’t use riffles, Al explained to me they were on probation.
I couldn’t believe it. These two looked way too honest to be on probation. I threatened Boss Hogg until I got a day off. It proves to be good when you learn how to do things like I do.
Walking like Roscoe got easier as the day went on. However these speed traps didn’t make me feel all that comfortable. How could I snooker people out of their money? And who in their right mind would want to chase down people like that. I supposed if I didn’t they would think I was loosing my mind.
3
I don’t know if I make a good Roscoe. The mail lady…Miss Tizdale, I think her name was, asked me for my identification. In a small town like this everyone should know each other. She made me take a number and asked me to wait in line. There was no one in front of me. I was number one instantly. I don’t know about her.
Here I am sitting with my girl hound dog flash who, seems to be napping though I don’t see how she has so little energy. She was sleeping an hour ago. Oh well…I guess I would learn off of the notes Al gave me. If I wanted to be Roscoe I had to say a lot of strange things.
“Flash, Daddy’s goanna give you some doggy num-nums,” I read off the paper. “Oh come on little fat Buddy.” Now I have to pinch his cheeks? Who was this guy? Oh well I had to make it believable. “Say hello from Roscoe. Jit-Jit Ooohoehoe that smarts.” This was almost like studying another language. “Khee.”
Some one was coming towards my speed trap. I had to be good at this. It was a white jeep and I don’t know why but I really want to catch it. I don’t know if I have some of my brother in me or some of Roscoe was still there. I all I knew was that I had to catch that white vehicle. Wow, I am getting much better with the Roscoe vocabulary! Khee.
As I sped after her my heart almost skipped a beat. I had to catch this jeep. I could see the hair waving in the wind. She was about to pick up something but didn’t. She certainly knew her stuff though. This young woman drove like I write math equations. That has to be pretty good…I think. As I gained on her I found out that it was Daisy. Good grief, if I hadn’t done enough to the Dukes today.
Something in me though still wanted to write that ticket. I drove in front of her and put on the breaks. “I got her, I got her khee. Alright flash, wait for Daddy in the car,” I said. I couldn’t believe I was doing it right. I had gotten it wrong so many times before but now it was coming in clearer.
“Roscoe I saw what you did back there. That sign said 40 and now it says 15 I am not taking that ticket,” Daisy said as she began to rip up that ticket.
“You can’t do that. I am the law around these parts.”
“Watch me Roscoe!” As she ripped it up something else that was very natural just happened. I took out my book and I wrote her a new one. Can you imagine that? I wrote her a brand new ticket. After I finished writing that one I gave her a ticket for littering.
“There you are Daisy. I am mighty sorry about this. Boss gave me heck for letting the boys out of prison. If I didn’t do this for him well…he wouldn’t give me time off.”
“Roscoe…You don’t have to do this kind of stuff.” No I didn’t but if I avoided those normal activities then people would think I wasn’t Roscoe.
On the other hand I could plead temporary insanity. You know, pretend I was nuts for a few days. Suddenly come back to where I am supposed to be.
Then again, I think I would still be discovered. If the Duke Boys are as smart as Al says they are…I don’t know I don’t much of anything. This Hazzard County is weird.
Would Roscoe even do that? Plead insanity I mean. Well I am not sure about that but I was going to try something to get this right. I had to make Daisy think I wasn’t the bad guy—without blowing my Roscoe coverage.
I knew hunting would be a challenge tomorrow. I didn’t know the first thing about shooting an arrow. Then again, Roscoe probably wasn’t all that good at it either. Still, I wondered what the day would be like tomorrow.
Would I be able to get to know these boys and save their Uncle? I really didn’t know. One thing was in front of me still, Daisy. I just got quiet. Roscoe’s not a quiet man. I better fix this before I think about hunting.
“Well a man has to got to do what a man has got to do. If I didn’t do my job would y’all have money in your pockets?” Roscoe asked.
“Yeah we would,” Daisy laughed.
“Okay…I am sorry, I am me and I guess I can’t change that.”
“You could if you wanted to.” Daisy sighed. She looked right into my face. “See you tomorrow when you meet Bo and Luke at the house.”
“Yep, bye now Daisy and don’t forget to pay off those tickets. I am keeping my eye on you.” Daisy laughed and blew a kiss at Roscoe or…me. “Daisy, wait!”
She was too beautiful to resist. I had to ask her out. I don’t know why but I really liked her a lot. I guess I now know what Al thought of her.
What would she say? What would she do to me? I had to stand my ground. Maybe poetry would do the trick. Then again would Roscoe do that? I didn’t care. I think it would be good for Roscoe to have a break once in a while.
“What is it Roscoe?” Daisy asked.
“When I touch your hand my heart skips a beat or two, when I look at you it seems as though my mind grew wings and flew. Was life ever this beautiful without your delicate touch? Does my heart reach out to you that much? If I could catch a star I would put it in your hands to light. Its glow would not ever compare to your completion oh so bright. Will your smile delight me in with one date this day? I won’t break your heart…come what may.” Daisy didn’t know what to say, I could see it in her eyes.
“Roscoe, did you hit your head or something?” I had to cover what was going on I guess. I smiled.
“Daisy, now that was a joke.” Daisy laughed and shook her head.
“Bye Roscoe.”
“See you later Daisy Duke. Drive carefully.”
“Okay Roscoe, I will avoid your speed traps.”
“Good, Khee.” Daisy sped off. I laughed and shook my head. Al’s laugh rang through the air. “You’re not funny!”
“I am too, you like her just as much as I did, admit it,” Al commented.
“So what if I did? Look, we have a lot of work to do. Someone is in trouble.”
“Yes they are, you have to learn how to shoot a Bow and Arrow.”
“Hey, if I’m Roscoe then wouldn’t I not want to learn?” Al shrugged. I just stared at him for a minute and then back at the jeep as it sped away.
“Look, you didn’t come here to hug and love Daisy Duke—though I couldn’t think of a better mission.”
“Al, you’re right.”
“Well then let’s forget Jesse and go see Daisy.” I shook my head. I couldn’t believe how fast he turned my words on me. Al was very good at that. I knew that one for a fact.
“Don’t tempt me.”
“You could live out the rest of your life as Roscoe P. Coltrane?”
“I don’t think so. I think I want to help this Jesse Duke and get out of here. Go for my next contestant of who wants their body taken over?”
“You got to admit though, she’s quite the looker.”
“Tell me one thing, who does she marry?” Al pulls out the communicator and pushes a few buttons. He pounds it a couple of times.”
“Some guy named Jaime-Lee Hogg.”
“Woe, don’t the Dukes hate Hoggs?”
“Evidently not.”
“This family is so weird.”
“Nope, they just live in Hazzard County.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Never mind, you haven’t been here long enough…so Roscoe would say.” I wasn’t going to spend anymore time thinking about it. Well I got back into my police car. I just hoped these boys were as useful as Al and Ziggy say they are. I guess I’ll find out.
4
As we were coming back from Boar hunting that night, Bo and Luke were celebrating. “YAHOO! Dang, I shot a big one tonight. Uncle Jesse’s goanna love me,” Bo announced.
He looked in the back of the truck and I looked with him. The dead boar just laid there. I wondered how this could be considered fun but then somehow I remembered that I liked to do it too. You know it is funny, my Swiss Cheese memory always seems to do that.
“Well Bo, I wish I was as lucky as you were,” Luke replied to his cousin.
“Both of us did better than Roscoe,” Bo laughed. I shrugged. I hadn’t played with bows and arrows in years. All of a sudden, Al was sitting with the boar. He popped his head in through the window.
“Sam, you’re not goanna believe this. He’s been kidnapped with Boss Hogg—early,” Al told me.
“What?” I questioned.
“Oh come on Roscoe, don’t take it so hard,” Luke said.
“Yeah, taking the boys boar hunting must have set off some trouble,” Al declared.
“Oh boy, this just isn’t happening,” I mumbled.
“Roscoe, come on, we’ll take you off hunting again,” Bo commented.
“I don’t know what but something is going on. What’s worse is Daisy’s missing with them. I followed in the truck I know where they are,” Al told me.
“Which way?” I asked.
“I don’t know, somewhere north I suppose,” Bo replied.
“Get Luke to turn left up here,” Al replied.
“Luke, you need to turn left up here,” I told him. Like he would want to listen to me.
“Huh?” Luke questioned.
“Just do it!”
“Alright Roscoe but I don’t understand why we have to go this way,” Bo announced.
“He ain’t Roscoe that’s why,” Luke said. Al shook his head. How the heck would they know? I mean I look like him. I have been talking like him the past couple of days. I even have been walking like him.
“What do you mean he ain’t Roscoe? Look at him.”
“I don’t know how to explain it. All I know is this ain’t Roscoe.”
“You know, now that you say that…”
“Oh great, cat’s out of the bag,” Al grumped.
“Oh relax,” I growled back at him.
“Who are you and what’s going on?” Luke questioned me. What was I suppose to tell them? I am from the future and I jump bodies? Let’s see, what would they think of me? They would think I was crazy.
These boys already knew that I wasn’t him. No amount of lying would change that. I had to tell them who I was I guess. “Tell them to turn right,” Al announced.
“Turn right here Luke,” I told the young man. Luke did as I said. I was confused. “Hey, if you don’t believe in who I am then why are you helping me?”
“Because, that’s what friends are for,” Bo replied.
“Now can you tell us who you are?” Luke asked.
“Don’t Sam,” Al exclaimed. What other choice did I have? I mean here I am in a tight spot.
“My name is Sam Beckett, I am from the future. I know this sounds crazy but…”
“No it doesn’t,” Bo cut in.
“Huh?”
“This is Hazzard friend, the only way to sound crazy is to literally scream out and lash out at anyone you meet. Even that’s not crazy.”
“So you believe me?”
“Have no reason not to. You have been helping us since you got here—Sam.”
“My only question is, how is a man from the future in Roscoe’s body?” Luke asked.
“I can’t believe that they believe you,” Al mumbled.
“Well there was this project…” I began.
“Turn left.”
“Turn left, Luke.” Luke did as I said. “In 1995—where we wanted to…well, travel through time.”
“Dang—1995? It’s 1979 here, so you just went back into the past?” Bo questioned.
“Yeah we called it Quantum Leap. Somehow it malfunctioned and I was transported to the past. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was someone else. This time I am Roscoe P. Coltrane. The next time, who knows who I’ll be.”
“That would be a lonely life.”
“Well, sometimes it is.”
“What happens to the people…I mean the people that you jump into?” Luke questioned.
“Whelp, they go to this place that we like to call the waiting room. Our team of scientists go and observe their behaviours and help me become the person.”
“Woe, Roscoe is with your scientists?”
“Yes, he is.”
“So he’s goanna have some horrible thoughts when he gets back.” Luke scratched his head. He looked up at the road. “Roscoe and doctors ain’t exactly friends. He doesn’t like them…calls them snoops.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Luke.”
“What do you mean? He’s goanna have amnesia or something?”
“Yep, he won’t remember a thing. Al and I call it the Swiss Cheese effect.” Bo laughed and Luke shrugged.
“Well, then at least Roscoe will have it better than you.”
“I guess.” It seemed like they weren’t too worried about this. Bo and Luke are pretty nice characters. They seem to know exactly what they are doing.
“What do you do when you go back in time?” Bo questioned.
“Help people.”
“Who are you helping this time?”
“Your Uncle Jesse and Boss Hogg.” Bo and Luke stared at each other. “They’re going to go missing for a year. What’s worse is now somehow Daisy is involved. Luke looked at the road.
“We’re heading to crow pass.”
“We must be heading to the old mill,” Luke answered.
“Nathan Pewit!”
“What about him?”
“He has Uncle Jesse—and Boss—and Daisy.” Luke shook his head. His eyes were bright and full of light. Like the first time I went to jump. “It’s all coming together.”
“What’s coming together?” I asked. I had no idea what was going on.
“Sam, do you know how to shoot that six shooter?” Luke asked.
“Yeah.”
“Well then, I want you not to shoot the gun.” Now I really was confused. Why would they ask me not to shoot after they ask me if I can shoot? “There’s moonshine in there. That’s why they’re in trouble.”
“Are you serious?”
“Serious as the day you met us,” Bo replied.
“So why would they want Jesse?”
“Simple, our Uncle makes the best shine in the country.”
“Well then why doesn’t he make it, Al?”
“Who the heck is Al?”
“Simple Sam, that’s why these boys were put on probation. They ran moonshine whiskey and got caught. Jesse Duke promised not to make anymore in return for his boy’s freedom. In our day, Bo runs the farm you saw Jesse on. Luke is a singer in Mexico with his wife,” Al explained.
“Sam, are you feelin’ alright?” Luke asked.
“Yeah, sorry—I was talking to Al,” I replied.
“Sam, you explained who you are, you better explain who I am,” Al commented. I had been around Al so long, sometimes it was hard to believe that people didn’t see him in the room.
“Luke, Bo—Al is a hologram from the future. He looks for my brainwaves and then helps me find people. Not too many people can see him.”
“I see—that’s pretty neat. I would like it if people couldn’t see me,” Bo commented.
“Trust me, it has its perks,” Al said. He stuck his cigar in his mouth. I laughed. “Well it does.”
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, Al says it has its perks,” Sam announced. Bo smiled, laughing away.
“Dang, I like this.” He sighed and looked out at the mill as Luke hid the pickup truck. I was sure this would be interesting. I mean these Duke boys are very neat people.
5
We sat there, just staring at the mill for a while. Luke seemed to be pacing a little too much for comfort. I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was that we had to get Jesse out and fast.
“So what’s the plan?” Bo asked Luke. With these two, Luke seemed to always snap his fingers with another plan. I liked it but wondered how he came up with them all.
“Well, I would say that we need to get rid of the shine or Uncle Jesse’ll be jailed. We need to get them out somehow,” Luke mumbled.
“Well I know that.” Suddenly a smile arose on Bo’s face. I wondered what was up. “Look over yonder.” Bo pointed to an orange car, the General Lee I think it was called, which was sitting outside the mill. He rubbed his hands together.
“Well this means another bonus for us.”
“What are you thinking cousin?”
“Okay, Bo, make sure General Lee is in working order. Then you know what to do with him.”
“Fight for my right to drive?”
“You got it, cousin.” Bo smiled.
“I’m on it.” He slapped his cousin twice on the back playfully before making his way over to the car. I watched him for a minute as he opened the hood softly.
“Sam, do you like to fight?”
“I love it.” Luke reached in for the arrows. He grabbed a set for me, slapping them on my chest. “I have fought a lot of interesting people.”
“Well then, you come with me.” I walked with Luke really carefully. He saw a rope behind this place. Luke took it and tied it to the arrow. He shot it up. The arrow went over a board which was attached to the mill.
“What are you doing?”
“Just watch.” It went up in the air like nothing, and came down just as fast. Luke took the rope, making a loop for a foot to go in. “You first, Sam.” Al sat there and smiled.
“Would you make yourself useful Al? Go in there and make sure we know how many men are down there—where Daisy, Boss Hogg and Jesse are so we don’t hit them with arrows.”
“Okay, I will but that means you need to say please,” Al replied. I had no time for this. Those three could get killed at any moment. Here I was telling him please? I couldn’t believe Al could be like that.
“Please.” I rolled my eyes right after saying it. Al just smiled. He stuck the cigar in his mouth and walked right through the wall. I put my foot in the sling and held on. Luke pulled me up there. Soon, I was pulling him.
We both managed to make it to the top without any problems. Luke was still being cautious. I would be too. I mean these guys were probably all holding guns.
“Sam, Jesse is by the back wall. You need not worry about hitting him. There’s a bad guy with a gun on Jesse, making him create shine. Daisy and Boss Hogg are side by side. There’s a gunman on them. They are about five feet from the front door to your left. The head honcho is on the phone. He’s pacing in the middle of the room. Sam, the moonshine is right in front of Luke…neatly stacked,” Al announced.
“Luke, your Uncle is all the way over on the back wall,” I began.
“Alright, how about Daisy and Boss where are they?” Luke questioned me.
“Ten feet from Jesse, five feet from the front door.”
“Bo and me used to play in here all the time.”
“What does that have to do with the plan?”
“Trust me. Bo knows what to do.” Luke looked right at me. “How many are there?”
“Three.”
“At least two of them will be gone in a minute.” Suddenly as if out of nowhere, I heard the beginning of the Dixie song.
“The Dukes are out there,” Nathan said. Just like Luke said, the two gunmen ran out to the sound. Luke jumped down right on top of Nathan. I jumped down and untied both the Daisy and Boss Hogg.
“Jesse, your pickup is outside, straight ahead in some bushes,” I told them.
“Thanks, Roscoe,” Jesse announced. I looked up at Luke who looked like he was loosing this fight. I knew I had to help him. Nathan was a big old boy and I knew how to fight.
We were sprawling pretty well but at the last second, I punched his lights out. Luke grabbed the bows and arrows, running outside. I grabbed Nathan. We continued running for a few minutes and Luke suddenly stopped.
He handed me a bow and an arrow. The arrow had dynamite on it. He lit his and mine. I had to get rid of it. I shot it up in the air and away it flew. As if by magic, the place blew.
“Thanks Sam,” Luke commented.
“No problem,” I answered. As I high fived him, everything went all fuzzy.
“Starting the demolition in 30-29-28…” A voice said over the intercom. As I saw a the explosives, my eyes widened. I began to run as fast as I could out of the building, considering I had a brace on my leg.
“OH BOY!” I exclaimed.
The End
by: Pendragon1980 (with Kristy Duke)
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