by: Essy Jane

Welcome back to Hazzard y’all. I know, we’re in the school. In the office no doubt—waiting for Bo to see the principal. Now I bet you’re wondering what he did this time. Well, so do I.

Bo was wondering about it too. He had been pretty good today. He wondered what the heck was wrong with everyone. They were all acting funny.

First the teachers were smiling at him in the hallway. That was giving him bad vibes. Teachers never all looked at him like that without a reason. Now you can imagine what Bo Duke thought.

Yup, he was more than sure the principal was goanna tell him something big. You know what I mean. You don’t? Well let me educate you then on the thought process of Bo Duke.

Number one, they are all laughing at him for finally being caught in the janitor’s closet. Well, no one he knew opened the door. However, maybe it was the revenge of the janitor. You never know.

The second one Bo kept rolling through his mind was all the tricks he pulled on the teachers. Maybe he was caught. Perhaps they would suspend him just before grad. You know, not allowed to go.

The third, but not the final one, I don’t know for sure but Bo thought they might be telling him he doesn’t have enough credits. You know, believably Bo slept through classes or didn’t take enough. The teachers could be smiling because now he was getting his best desserts.

Bo swallowed hard as even more thoughts rolled though his mind. You know it is funny what happens when the principal gets to you. You never really know what the man wants.

“Bo come on in,” Principal Walton said. Bo walked in the office and crossed his arms. He stared at Principal Walton, drumming his fingers on his left arm. “Have a seat Bo.”

“Look if this is about the gal I was making out with in science I already got detention for that,” Bo commented.

“Bo, just sit down.”

“Yeah sure, bad news always comes when you need to sit down.” Principal Walton laughed. “It’s true. When Luke and me…”

“Luke and I…you mean Luke and I.” Bo rolled his eyes and growled. Now he knows what the words are. He just likes to talk that way.

“You know I have been teaching English.”

“Continue on with your theories.”

“When Luke and I came in here last time we were told that we were suspended.”

“Yeah so…”

“You told us to sit down.”

“Uh huh…”

“So, now you’re goanna do it to me again ain’t ya? You’s goanna suspend me before I get to go to grad and I haven’t even picked a gal to go with yet.”

“Bo…”

“Now that is just cruel Principal Walton.” He shook his head and glared at Principal Walton. “I thought we were buddies now. Friends don’t do this to each other.”

“No Bo, that’s not it at all, it’s…”

“Oh, it is the donut I did this morning in the parking lot ain’t it? I knew that Danny would squeal.” Principal Walton began to laugh. “Look, we came early. We hardly ever come early and now today here we were.”

“Bo…”

“So we decided to play around.”

“Would you…?”

“I wanted to do other tricks else where but then if I drove away I would have been late for school.”

“Bo, why don’t you ever wait for me to finish?” Bo shrugged and smiled.

“I guess it ain’t a part of my nature, Principal Walton.”

“Evidently not, Bo Duke. I don’t think you boys have ever waited for me to finish a single sentence. Not out of all the years I have know you.”

“I guess not.”

“You look like you have something on your mind.”

“Of course I do.”

“Spill it then Bo.”

“Now, did I come here to talk about the donut or the girl I made out with?”

“I didn’t even know you did those things.”

“Oops.” Bo blushed and smiled weakly. “You ain’t goanna…”

“No, I ain’t goanna apprehend you for that.” Bo wiped his forehead, showing his relief.

“Then what did you drag me in here for?”

“Bo Duke, you have the highest grade point average in the school.” Bo’s eyes widened. He slapped his ears a few times.

“Ah come again, I don’t think I heard you.”

“You had the highest grade point average on your S.A.T’s and you have the most outstanding grade record this high school has ever seen.”

“Are you nuts? I mean you have to be kidding me. There’s no way this is happening. I think you got your people mixed up. Lynn is the smart one.”

“Maybe she is smart but you are the one.”

“Me?”

“You are going to be our valedictorian.” Bo’s eyes widened even more. He shook his head.

“No way, give it to someone else, Principal Walton.”

“Bo, you know you’re the only one who I could give it to. The teachers are surprised.”

“Well I don’t want it, come on. You know I hate those things. It is bad enough everyone’s goanna be there. Now I have to go up and get on stage? Grandma will pinch my cheeks. Daisy Hogg will come up and…”

“Bo, you’re it. There is no way of getting out of this.” Bo shook his head. He couldn’t believe he had to do this.

“Fine, but don’t expect me to be happy about it.” Now for most you would think they would be pleased but Bo hated things like that. He wanted to walk across the stage and be finished. He didn’t wanna write a speech for everyone to hear.

2

Cooter began laughing. Bo shook his head. “You know I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” he grumbled.

“Bo, you’re fussing over nothing. You’re goanna get that speech done and then everything will be just fine,” Cooter said as he moved his hay from one pile to another.

“Yeah sure. Did you know that Great Uncle Luke is coming down?” Luke questioned.

“Well you’ll do fine in front of him.”

“I don’t know, I am self conscious enough with Grandpa and Grandma coming down. Daisy and Jaime-Lee are goanna be here. Essy and Judd are goanna be here and…”

“You just don’t wanna give that speech in front of them.” Cooter threw Bo a pitchfork.

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s a sad excuse.” Bo began helping Cooter pile the hay for his cows to eat.

“Well, I ain’t good at getting up there and making speeches. You know that as well as I do.” Bo shook his head. “I wish Daisy or Luke did it instead of me.”

“Well Luke has already done it and Daisy didn’t have a high enough average. You have the highest over all average in the whole school’s history. Bo, that’s big.”

“You ain’t goanna tell Uncle Jesse.”

“Nah, too big for me to tell your Uncle about—you need to tell him, Bo.”

“Yeah well maybe I don’t want it to be big.” Cooter smiled. He continued working with Bo.

“You know, I have known you since you were born.”

“You haven’t been around everyday.”

“So sue me you were in California.”

“Yeah I know.”

“I know a lot about you Bo Duke. I know that you have a big heart and that you are an amazing person.”

“Well geeze, where is that goanna get me? Roscoe P. Coltrane practically locks me up every week.” Cooter laughed. Lynn came out of the house.

“It’s dinner time y’all,” Lynn commented. Cooter ran in like it was nothing. You know? Miss Lynn Davenport has been taking all her cooking lessons from Daisy. You know how well Daisy Duke Cooks now don’t ya?

Bo continued to walk slowly. Lynn walked over to him. She looked right into his face. “I’m okay Lynn,” Bo mumbled.

“Yeah sure you are.” Lynn cleared her throat. “You know, you need to pick a date for prom.”

“How about you?”

“Me?” Lynn rolled her food in the dirt. She did have a bit of a crush on Bo. She would never let him know that.

“Sure, wouldn’t it be better to go to something with someone you like instead of some gal that will hang off you like you’re a car?” Lynn smiled.

“I would be glad to go with you. You’re goanna break a lot of hearts though Bo Duke.”

“Oh come on Lynn, they’ll live you know that as well as I do.”

“Bo, you’re a good man but you don’t know gals too well then. Everyone wants to go with you to grad.”

“Really? Am I all the talk in the girl’s bathroom?” Lynn began laughing.

“Why do you think that’s all the girls do? I mean we don’t all talk in the bathroom.” Bo tilted his head and looked at Lynn. “Okay, you are the talk of the gal’s bathroom.”

“Ah, that is good news for my reputation.” Lynn began to laugh. She shook her head.

“How about me, am I the talk of the boy’s bathroom?”

“The boys don’t talk in the bathroom—they don’t even like the word bathroom. You do your business and you get out of there as fast as possible.”

“No wonder there’s never a line up.” Bo began laughing. He gave Lynn a hug. “What’s that for?”

“For being so wonderful.”

“You’re too kind to me, Bo Duke. You know, ever since I came to Hazzard you have been the one person who I really considered a friend.”

“Yeah?”

“You better believe it.” Now Cooter, being the jealous father he was, watched them from the porch. Anyone going out with his daughter was goanna get some rules and I don’t mean hopscotch rules neither. Hang on y’all.

3

Now everyone around was planning for grad. Every teenager in Hazzard County who was old enough to attend. However, they weren’t the only ones who were planning things.

Now look over there at the Boar’s Nest. There’s Boss Hogg sitting there. Now don’t you wish the Dukes were around? I mean at least when Daisy Hogg was working there the boys got the inside scoop.

However, that gal ain’t old enough yet. Oh well huh? Anyway, Boss was sitting there when Roscoe came in. “Boss, I did it. I planted the evidence, Khee,” he told JD Hogg. Uh huh, now I don’t think this evidence is ice cream cones ladies and gentlemen.

“You done good, Roscoe—really good. Now they won’t find out what we have been doing,” Boss Hogg replied. He stood up and smiled.

“Our casino will be blamed on them and they’ll go to jail, Jit-jit…then them Dukes will be out of our way.”

“Well it’s a crying shame that Bo Duke will miss his prom.” Boss and Roscoe began laughing.

“You’re so smart my little fat buddy.” Roscoe pinched his cheeks.

“AHHHH! Stop that Roscoe.” Roscoe did as the Boss had said. Now wasn’t this funny? “Now you did make sure you did this after they collected their eggs?”

“You had better believe it Boss.”

“Good because if you did it any differently, them Dukes will try and get rid of the evidence. Then we won’t have a patsy.”

“We do have a patsy.”

“Who?”

“Patsy Morris that lives down the road from me and my mama.” Boss Hogg shook his head.

“I don’t mean a girl Roscoe I mean a fall guy.”

“You mean Terry the stunt guy?” Boss Hogg shook his head. He stuck his cigar back into his mouth.

“Roscoe, when they were handing out brains, you were in the height line because you thought it was the one for smarts. You went twice didn’t you?”

“Boss you…”

“Git going!”

“I’m gone.”

Now the Dukes were in trouble. They didn’t look in trouble sitting there to have a normal family meal before Bo went off to prom. Daisy had done his hair for him.

“You know, I really wish you would have let me cut your hair,” Daisy commented.

“It looks just fine the way it is,” Bo answered. He continued eating.

“Do you wanna bring Dolly tonight?” Bo looked at Daisy, his cheeks full of food. He chewed it up and swallowed.

“Why would I wanna do that? General Lee is working just fine.”

“She means so she don’t get her dress dirty,” Jesse cut in.

“Oh—right.” They continued eating when Luke and Bo heard something. They both stood up. Bo looked out the window. “It’s Roscoe?”

“What in tar nation does he want?”

“Uncle Jesse, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, we ain’t done nothing wrong,” Luke added.

“Why doesn’t that comfort me?” Jesse asked. Yeah, I wouldn’t be comforted either. Especially with all those slot machines in my barn. They were all sitting where the chickens would normally go.

“Just relax Uncle Jesse.” Roscoe walked into the house he looked at Jesse then at the Duke boys. The look in Jesse’s face was strong with fear.

Now, Old Jesse Duke was defensive of his boys and wouldn’t let anything happen to Bo and Luke. With Roscoe sticking his noise in the house at this hour, Jesse could only assume that it was some sort of trick.

“Hello Jesse—Daisy, boys,” Roscoe began. He looked at the oven. “What a marvelous smell, Daisy.”

“Thank you Roscoe—baking cake.” His nose went higher and higher as he sniffed.

“You know, that’s why I came over. Rhuebottom’s store closes at five and we’re out of eggs.” Uh huh, too sneaky for words—Roscoe has it down to a science.

“You wanna borrow eggs for making what cake?”

“What are you really here fer?” Uncle Jesse questioned. Luke elbowed him.

“Now Jesse can’t I ever come for a social visit?” Roscoe questioned.

“The day you stop working for Boss Hogg, sure. Until then you rat fink you can just git!”

“Uncle Jesse, that ain’t nice,” Luke commented.

“Well it wasn’t meant to.”

“All he came over for is some eggs.”

“Yeah, eggs my eye—he came for some other reason and I can smell it.” So could I. Well then again I knew something was up.

“Uncle Jesse come on, be nice.”

“You want me to be nice to someone who has put you two in jail?”

“Sure, we should give him the benefit of the doubt this time.” Jesse growled. Luke was right and he was goanna listen to him. I wish he would have listened to his own instincts.

“Come on Roscoe, we’ll ALL go out and get you your dang eggs then you can leave.” They walked out to the coop. As Roscoe looked inside, the boys were just as shocked as he pretended to be.

“These sure are some funny looking chickens—goo-goo,” Roscoe said as he looked at the buttons of the VLT’s.

“Roscoe you blundering idiot! You put them there.”

“You can’t prove that. Bo, Luke—you’re under arrest. You have the right…”

“Roscoe, we know our rights,” Bo announced.

“Well of course you do. Y’all are criminals.”

“No you’re the criminal.”

“You just hush Bo Duke.”

“Okay, then you are not a criminal,” Luke commented.

“Why thank you Luke.”

“You are a crooked Sheriff.”

“Haven’t y’all ever heard of the right of being silent?” Bo and Luke rolled their eyes. Roscoe slapped the cuffs on them and stuck them in the back of his police car.

“We have both heard of it.”

“Whether or not we wanna keep the right is a whole different story,” Bo added.

“You Dukes…” Roscoe began. He waved his fist a couple of times at the Duke boys.

“We’re pretty.”

“You two are very pretty—wait, no y’all are criminals and you ain’t escaping from me this time.”

“Not we’ve been booked up on the main floor where you can loose us in a minute.”

“Exactly.” Jesse and Daisy looked at each other and began laughing.

Now this ain’t right folks. How are the Dukes goanna prove themselves innocent if they are in the back of a police car? Well I guess we’ll have to find out.

4

The doorbell rang at the Davenport house. “Hot dang, Bo’s here,” Dodger commented. Cooter had his arms crossed. He looked pretty upset that Bo was going with him. Cooter had seen Bo work with the women. You know as well as I do he likes them all.

“Yeah, woo hoo,” Cooter grumbled.

“Oh come on big brother, he’ll be a gentleman.”

“Yeah sure, he’ll love her up and break her heart.”

“Lynn? Broken hearted—you know, you’re a lot alike you and your daughter.” Cooter sighed.

“I just remember that fast gal I was in love with back when we were in Montana.” The doorbell rang again. Lynn came down the stairs.

“Are you two just goanna let the doorbell ring or am I goanna see my date tonight?” Lynn questioned. She opened the door and saw Jesse standing there.

“Well, that’s your date I suppose.” Dodger and Cooter started laughing. “Uncle Jesse, you know if Bo was sick you could have just phoned.”

“First of all Cooter, I ain’t your Uncle Jesse. Second of all Bo ain’t sick, he’s in the slammer.” Lynn’s eyes widened.

“Dad can I use the bike?” Lynn questioned.

“In that dress?” Cooter asked.

“Oh come on, I can ride. Look, I need to get them out of there. If we can’t prove their innocent of…what did they do?”

“Roscoe planted VLT’s at our place,” Jesse added.

“Yeah, so let me use the Motorcycle.”

“Lynn, use the General Lee—it’s outside.”

“Sweet deal.” Lynn walked outside and got in. You could see part of her dress hanging out. Jesse walked outside.

“What makes you think you can help them escape?”

“Trust me, I am smart.” She started up the engine and drove away.

At the Hazzard County Jail, Bo was playing checkers with Enos. Now, the Dukes thrive when it comes to playing checkers. Anyone who has their mind in tact knows of this. Enos had Bo cornered for once and was really proud of himself.

“I’m goanna beat you this time Bo,” Enos announced.

“Nope—you forgot to king me,” Bo answered. Luke grabbed one of the pieces and put it on top for Bo. He moved his piece all over the board. Slowly Enos’ pieces all disappeared.

“Ding dang it Bo how did you…?”

“Simple Enos, Uncle Jesse taught me how to play.” Luke began to laugh.

“I should have known better.” Roscoe came down with two trays for the boys.

“It’s dinner time Duke boy—Enos, what are you doing fana—fining—talking with Bo and Luke?” Roscoe questioned. Enos shook his head.

“Sheriff they are my friends, Sheriff.”

“I don’t care if they’re mountain goats—they’re prisoners of the law Goo-goo. I am a shamed to call you my deputy.”

“Sheriff, you know someone could have framed them sheriff and we should go and look and make sure.”

“Meadow muffins! Now Enos, you will speak no more about it. They’s guilty.”

“Sorry fellas.”

“Now here’s your dinner.” Roscoe pulled off the covering. Bo and Luke shook their heads.

“Bread and water?” Bo questioned.

“Roscoe, you have got to be kidding me,” Luke added.

“Well you’re the ones who were bad. Shame, Shame, everyone knows your name,” Roscoe announced. He began to walk up the stairs.

“Roscoe, how about some grits?” He turned around, glaring at Luke Duke.

“You eat what you have or starve Khee.” He walked up the stairs.

“Dang it boys, I sure am sorry about all of this. I mean ding dang, I’ll get you something better to eat even if I have to talk Roscoe’s Mama,” Enos announced.

“Thanks Enos,” Bo replied.

“Yeah Enos, you’re a real pal,” Luke replied. Enos walked up the stairs. Bo and Luke looked at each other.

“So now what?”

“Well we break out.” Bo shook his head. “You don’t agree?”

“If you haven’t noticed Luke, the keys are over there on the far wall.” Bo pointed to them. “How are we supposed to break out of here without the keys? These locks are too old for me to pick.”

“Y’all call for a breakout service?” Lynn questioned.

“What are you doing here?” Luke asked. Lynn smiled. She looked at Luke.

“Put your hands up.” Luke did as she said. Lynn dropped down a blue waxy looking substance. Luke stared at it for a minute.

“What the heck is this for?”

“Stick that in the key hole.” Luke did as she said and took it out. He looked at the shape. It was exactly the same as the key to the cell. “Now toss it up here and be careful not to bend it.”

“Good plan Lynn.” Luke threw the wax up and laughed to himself.

“Thank you Lucas, always appreciate the compliments.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Think of what? What is going on?” Bo inquired.

“Lynn up there is goanna make us a key.” Bo smiled, he began laughing.

“Now ain’t that smart, Lynn you’re my kind of prom date.” Yup, now I wonder where Bo got the brains from anyway. I guess he’s gotta jump start his. Lynn works hard at her plots.

Miss Lynn had a lot of work to do in a short amount of time. She had to you know, make a key. The wax was for a mould in which she would put the key in and pour metal over top.

Next, Lynn would take the mould and cool in water. She would then pour more metal inside this new mould and there you are, one key. Now ain’t that slick? She sure is like Cooter ain’t she? He can invent anything.

Now Lynn Davenport walked back over to the jail cell. She dropped the key, which hit Luke in the head. “Owe! What was that for?” Luke questioned.

“I don’t know, seemed like the right thing to do,” Lynn replied.

“Uh huh.”

“I’ll start the General Lee. Luke, you go pick up Daisy and figure out what’s going on. She’s at my Dad’s place.”

“Okay.”

“Bo, you come to the garage and we’ll drive you home you can get dressed and we’ll go to prom.”

“Alright, works for me,” Bo replied.

“Why do I have to do all the hard work?” Luke questioned.

“Hey, Daisy and me took care of Hazzard while you were at your prom.”

“Good point.”

“Meet you in my Dad’s truck, Bo,” Lynn commented.

“Deal,” Bo answered. Lynn walked away.

“Bo—this is the only time I am goanna ask this…punch me,” Luke said, after Lynn was further away. Bo’s eyes shifted. He couldn’t understand why his cousin would want him to hit him.

“Why?”

“Come on, just do it.”

“No, I wanna know why.”

“Look, I’ll tell you after you hit me.”

“Are you sure you want me to hit you?”

“I asked you to. Now punch me right in the mouth okay?” Bo shrugged and socked Luke right in the mouth. He fell to the ground.

“Are you okay cousin?” Luke’s eyebrows went up. He took a deep breath in. “Dang, it looked like that hurt.”

“It did.”

“Are you goanna explain what we’re goanna do?”

“Yup—you see Bo…” You don’t think I would just tell ya what was going on do ya? Oh come on, you don’t know me too well then. Now folks, don’t go too far. Is a snack really worth missing all the action? I didn’t think so. So stay near ‘cause I am only goanna explain this once.

5

You would think that Bo and Luke would just use the key that they had made. Nope, that would be too easy. Besides that, they would be caught in the first five seconds. They had to wait until Enos came back.

Now I know what you’re thinking, you are wondering why. Well simple, the Dukes have a little shuck and jive rolling in their heads. You know, this could be a little tricky folks.

Now when Enos came down to get them their supper, a surprise was waiting for him. He heard a big bang. Now for all of those wondering what’s going on—well, so am I.

If Enos were smart enough, he would have noticed that Luke’s belt was off. In other words, that was what made the sound in the first place. If Enos was intelligent enough, he would have looked in the back of Bo’s pocket and he would have seen the rolled up belt.

Well of course he wasn’t. Shucking and jiving Enos was painless. Watch this if y’all don’t believe me. Luke was down on the floor moaning. Enos dropped the plates. “Luke ol buddy, what’s wrong now?” Enos questioned.

“Oh Enos, I don’t know, you better get Roscoe,” Bo replied. Uh huh, you had better get Roscoe…well you know what that means—sorry, I was sure you did.

“Possum on a gum bush! Come on now, hold on Luke.” Enos ran up the stairs like nothing. Bo smiled for a minute. Luke opened his eyes and winked. Now you know this is goanna be good.

“What are you two faking this time?” Roscoe asked.

“I don’t know—one minute he was talking about being jailed and the next he was on the ground,” Bo announced.

“Sheriff, he’s having post dramatic stress,” Enos told Roscoe. Now Roscoe was a little bit less believing with every reason to be. Them Dukes were tricky.

“It is post traumatic stress you cow cookie! Enos, he’s faking now,” Roscoe replied.

“No he ain’t Sheriff. Look at the red spot on his face! I think he really fell and hurt himself now.” Roscoe jumped.

“Judas Priest on a pony! Enos we gotta get him to a hospital. He might have brain damage.”

“Yes sir Sheriff, sir.”

“I’ll sir you Enos, you dipstick.”

“I was only trying to be polite.” Enos grabbed the keys. Roscoe pulled them right out of his hands.

“I am your superior officer.” Roscoe dropped his keys as he waved his fist. “Now look what you made me do—you dipstick.”

“I…”

“Hush.”

“You want me to get the door Roscoe?” Bo questioned.

“Sure, at least you ain’t a dipstick like Enos here. Even the dipsticks call him dipstick, Khee.” Bo pulled out his key and unlocked the door. You know, it is funny that Roscoe didn’t think any less about Bo having a key.

Roscoe and Enos walked in to help Luke. However, them two had a problem. Yup, that’s what happened when Roscoe felt he was the superior officer and that he had first rights to everything.

They were so busy fighting as to who would go in first, that something funny was about to happen. Luke crawled out the cell door. Enos and Roscoe didn’t notice until they were in the cell and the door was closed.

“Hey Roscoe, I feel a lot better now,” Luke said as he kicked the keys away.

“Come back here you—you…” Roscoe began.

“Oh, Roscoe, such strong words for me. I’ll see y’all later,” Bo said.

“Sorry Enos,” Luke added. They ran out the door.

“It’s okay, Luke—Bo,” Enos replied.

“No it ain’t okay—you beaver bagel! They just locked us in and ran away,” Roscoe answered.

“Boy howdy Sheriff, they did a good job didn’t they now. I wish I was as smart as they were.” Roscoe shook his fist.

“I’ll knock some smarts into you, ya dipstick.”

Now wasn’t that classic? I mean them boys are geniuses. I have seen them do this so many times it ain’t even funny. I tell y’all, Bo and Luke sure have their wits.

I know, let’s get back to the story right? You know, sometimes I just get off topic. I don’t mean to. You can’t really blame me. I mean really, I am human too.

Well Bo went off with Looney Lynn who was driving the cars away. She seemed to be happy driving—even though ol Bo would rather be behind the wheel.

“Oh come on, please,” Bo begged.

“You hit your cousin,” Lynn scolded.

“Look, he told me to. What was I supposed to do? Say no?” Lynn shook her head. “He did tell me to, I promise he did.”

“Well, why didn’t Luke hit you instead?”

“Simple, he wanted my face to be pretty for the prom.” Lynn laughed.

“It’s a wonder I like you Duke Boys at all. Y’all are so violent.” Bo shook his head.

“We’re not normally.” Lynn laughed. Bo didn’t get it. You could see it in his face. “What did I say?”

“I was teasing.”

“Oh—right.”

Luke on the other side of the situation was pulling jumps to get over to Cooter’s farm. You know why don’t you? So they could look for the stolen machinery.

“This is lost sheep one to Bo Peep, Lost sheep one to Bo Peep, come in honey,” Luke said over the CB.

“Nice to hear you sprung Lost Sheep one. You on your way, Come back?” Daisy questioned over the CB

“You had better bet your last dollar on that one. I’ll be there in half a smidgen so ya sit tight and look for me.”

“10-4 cousin and good luck.” Luke smiled. I agree with Daisy, them boys are goanna need a whole lot of luck. Especially with Bo going to the prom—don’t believe me? Well you just pay attention y’all.

6

Now as Bo made it to the farm, he had a little surprise waiting there for him. Nope it wasn’t a criminal at all. In fact it was a friend—two really. Dodger and Cooter—they ain’t here to borrow General Lee two.

“Hey y’all, look, I’ll be out in a minute. Talk with your daughter for a while Cooter,” Bo commented.

“You better hurry up,” Dodger announced.

“What did I do?”

“It’s what you’re not goanna do with Lynn,” Cooter grumbled.

“Okay…”

“Don’t play innocent. I know what I did on my prom. Now you ain’t goanna pull the same stupid…”

“DAD! LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lynn exclaimed. Bo walked upstairs quickly. Now I would have done the same thing if I were getting one of these lectures. “How could you do this? Now he probably doesn’t wanna go with me.”

“Now Lynn, I am your father and…”

“And you need to trust both me and him. He ain’t goanna do anything to me. Bo promised on the way over to be a perfect gentleman.”

“Men always make fake promises.” Bo came down the stairs holding a big brown box. Now this is different. Usually it is the gal coming down the stairs to meet the man. I guess we do things differently in Hazzard County.

“Lynn, this is for you,” Bo cut in. He set the box down. He pulled out a teddy bear and a Corsage. I don’t know about y’all but did you notice she stopped breathing for a second? Oh good, it wasn’t just me.

“Oh Bo you didn’t have to…” Lynn began.

“I did have to do this for you, Lynn.” Bo opened the box and placed it on her wrist. “Remember this night okay? Make it as special as you can make it. Before you go off to college—just remember this one night.”

“I will.” Cooter’s eyes rose to her. “Daddy I am going to college. I got the science scholarship.”

“You did?” Cooter questioned.

“Only because Bo gave it up to me—it is because of him that I get to go to…” Cooter looked at Bo. Bo shrugged.

“Bo why did you do it—why did you give up something that would have given you better chances in school?”

“Because, she deserves it, Lynn really deserves it,” Bo answered. Cooter smiled.

“Yeah but so do you. You are a smart kid Bo. You could go many places in this world.”

“I don’t need to go far. I have many things that people don’t have. That people probably will never have and so I consider myself the richest man in the world.”

“You’re serious ain’t you?”

“More serious than I will ever be.” Bo sighed and looked at Lynn. “You know, she has worked hard all of her life. She didn’t have family before you.”

“No I guess not.”

“I remember when my parents died, I was given to my Auntie Jessie. She was kin. She was the best kind of kin.”

“Yeah, I remember you saying so in your letters.”

“When she died, I still had kin who was willing to have me.” Bo swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He wasn’t about to cry in front of anyone.

“Jesse,” Lynn whispered.

“That’s right, my Uncle Jesse Duke.”

“He always did love everyone he came in contact with,” Dodger said.

“That’s what I love about him. When we came to Hazzard, it was him who picked us up and him who made us feel welcome here,” Cooter added.

“Yeah, I felt the same way. I wouldn’t trade my life here for all the scholarships in the world,” Bo announced. Cooter couldn’t help but smile at his friend. He gave Bo a hug.

“You know, you really are a good friend.” Bo smiled. He knew Cooter meant it.

“Luke would have done the same for her.” Cooter let go of his friend.

“Yeah but it means a lot from either of ya.”

“I know it does. I know that she will remember it too.”

“Of course I will,” Lynn said. Ain’t that one of them Kodak moments? I like seeing that. I hope them kids have a ball tonight, don’t you?

7

Now after picking up Daisy, Luke was driving towards the Boar’s Nest. “Why are we going this way?” Daisy asked. Luke smiled as he took another jump.

“Well I am trying to think of places where Boss would put this stuff,” Luke replied.

“Why the Boar’s Nest? I mean why would Boss Hogg risk putting it in plain view for people?”

“Simple, legal drinking age is what?”

“Well, it is 21 years old.”

“Exactly, none of us Dukes are allowed to drink.”

“Except Uncle Jesse, he can.” Luke sighed and turned the General Lee around.

“You’re right. Dang, sorry about that—I thought it would be the perfect place.” Luke looked in the stupor of thought. He snapped his fingers. “I got it.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the last place we would look.”

“Where’s that?”

“Where was our last adventure?” Daisy smiled.

“The factory by the Duke farm.”

“Yeah—I mean Boss Hogg wouldn’t have thought we would look there. Did you say the other day you saw some strange men around there?”

“Yeah I did, didn’t I?”

“Well I guess we’re goanna pay them boys a visit.” Luke jumped the General again. You know they shouldn’t have named him the General Lee. With all the flying he does—well…never you mind about that.

I think that General Lee does suit him. The General would have been thrilled to fly on a horse over a river. What makes me think he wouldn’t have done it in a car?

Well, the Dukes did something smart. Daisy took out her cell phone and called the State Police. This meant Sally would be on her way over just as the Dukes were getting there. Thank goodness for good tips.

As they drove over, Daisy noticed them loading a car. She pointed it out to Luke. He shook his head, thinking of what could be done. After all, they get away—so does the evidence.

“Luke we better get their attention and stop them from loading the car up or y’all will be up doing time for a long stretch,” Daisy told her cousin.

“I know, I know,” Luke mumbled. He shook his head. “Dang, I have to give this some thought.”

“Well you better hope your thought speeds like Superman or we ain’t goanna get through this one.”

“Yeah I know Daisy—I know.”

Meanwhile at the Hazzard County Jail, Roscoe and Enos were playing checkers in the jail cell. Now when Enos moved his king and jumped three of Roscoe’s pieces, Roscoe put them back on.

“Now Sheriff that’s cheating,” Enos commented. Roscoe growled and took the pieces off. He took out his gun and shot three of Enos’ kings.

“There, now we’re even,” Roscoe replied. Enos was about to say something else when Boss Hogg came running down the stairs.

“Who’s trying to escape from—Roscoe, what are you and Enos doing in that cell?” Boss Hogg asked.

“We’re playing checkers Boss.”

“I can see that you pea brain. What happened to Bo and Luke?”

“Well you see—they uh…they got away.”

“How long have you two been in here?”

“Three hours.”

“Roscoe, you idiotic nincompoop! You—waste for a sheriff! How did you let them escape?”

“You mean how could I let them escape!”

“How dare you correct me!”

“Sorry Boss—uh it’ll never happen again.”

“It better not.” Boss Hogg shook his head. “Look you two, if the Duke Boys ain’t back in these cells I’ll…”

“See that we get replaced with Flash.”

“I’ll see that you get replaced with—that dumb pooch? No way.” Boss puffed on his cigar. “No, I’m goanna make sure that you and your deputy get transferred to LA to do Parade Patrol.”

“Clean up horse apples?”

“Yep.”

“Open the cell Boss!” Boss Hogg grabbed the keys off the floor. He played with the set of keys. “Now, we’ll get them Boss. You can trust me.”

“Why do I have no confidence in you at all?”

“Boss come on, I am your brother in law.” Boss Hogg rolled his eyes.

“Quit reminding me, Roscoe.”

“We’re goanna go after the Dukes?” Enos questioned.

“Yes of course we are going after the Dukes,” Roscoe replied.

“Hopefully you don’t shoot them like you did them checkers.”

“Oh so you shoot at checkers and not the Dukes huh?” Boss Hogg asked.

“Well—umm Jit-jit, Enos why do you even open your mouth?” Roscoe replied.

“It’s your fault pea brain not his.” Enos began laughing. Roscoe cleared his throat. Enos stood up straight. Jacob-Daley Hogg finally found the right key.

“You know you have to turn that fat buddy.”

“I know how to use a key.”

“Sorry Boss.” Now with the Sheriff department going after General Lee, I wonder how this will turn out. Watch out y’all, let’s see if Roscoe can catch two of them at the same time.

8

Now as Bo and Lynn were having their first slow dance of the evening, Daisy and Luke were shooting off two arrows. They exploded on both sides of the baddies. When the bad guys were looking around for who done it, Daisy blasted the Dixie horn.

“What did you do that for?” Luke asked. Daisy got in the driver’s seat.

“We need to round them up. Unless you had a better way of doing things,” Daisy said as she started up the engine. Luke shook his head.

“You are crazy. They have guns.”

“You think?” Daisy laughed and Luke rolled his eyes. “Well get in Luke.”

“Alright, who am I to complain?” Daisy put it into drive and away she went. There were three cars and nine motorcycles behind them. Now when Daisy does something, she does it right.

“Alright now this is a prom night YAHOOOOOO.”

“Don’t get too excited Daisy, I ain’t itchin’ to be your date.” She turned a sharp corner. General was half sticking up.

“That’s only because we’re family.”

“No that ain’t the only reason now is it?”

“Oh my driving.” She landed flat. “There you go, all better.” One of the cars tried the same thing and ended up rolling into the ditch. Daisy made circles around the Duke farm. Luke was surprised.

“That’s one down.” Daisy winked as she continued to drive. There was a small dip in the Duke boy’s field. Daisy took it like it was nothing. “YAHOOOO!”

“That’s the spirit, Luke, Whooo.” One of the motorcycles tried to pull right along side of Daisy.

“Why are you letting him get so close, Daisy?”

“Wait for it.” Daisy drove by the rainbow mines. Now what was this gal doing? She began to shift over. The driver of the bike pulled on a rope as his bike fell down the shaft.

“Ah, I see you have taken lessons from Bo.”

“No way sugar, he took lessons from me.” Luke began to laugh as he shook his head. “You know, that’s two down.”

“Yeah and ten to go.”

“Oh come on sugar, they’ll be gone in no time. You just sit back and tighten that there seat belt of yours. We’ll really show you how to rock. Come on General.”

“Look, just don’t do anything too drastic okay?”

“You are no fun Luke Duke.” Daisy did a donut and started chasing the car that was chasing her.

“What are you doing? I said nothing drastic.”

“I am a Duke, everything I do is drastic.”

“You’re goanna get us killed.” The car turned around quickly. Two more motorcycles went off into the small pond the Dukes have on their property.

“Eight to go.” Daisy began knocking the car off the road.

“You do know this is crazy.”

“Well then call me the head nut.” Luke just stared at her. “Don’t worry, I’ll be done with this one in a second Luke. You just hold on and don’t worry.”

“Yeah, you would say that.” She hit him again, running him off the road. “Daisy, keep him steady.” She rammed him again. The car went off with the other one.

“Seven.” Luke shook his head. He picked up the CB. “What are you doing?”

“I am goanna call Cooter. Remember, he was goanna go over to our farm to talk to Bo?”

“Oh yeah before he went to prom.”

“Yeah well with the way you’re letting these dudes go—we need some help.”

“I hear ya, call him in.”

“This is Lost Sheep to Crazy C, where you at good buddy, come on?” Luke said over the CB.

“Breaker one, breaker one, I might be crazy but I ain’t fixing on being dumb, CRAZZZY Cooter comin’ at ya. I have my ears wired and my car tired. What do you need lost sheep?” Cooter asked.

“How would you like to play the part of Ol Smokey in the Hazzard play?”

“Well Lucas I would like that just fine. Who do you need me to round up, come on?”

“There’s baddies around our farm who have lost control of our vehicle. They are all over our land—and the farm beside us. Around the main roads.”

“I hear ya.”

“Come prepared to hog tie.”

“10-4 Luke, I’m gone. Dodger will help out too.” Luke put the CB down. Daisy took another jump. The seven motorcycles followed her. This time two tried to take her.

“Oh no you don’t you ain’t getting the best of a Duke,” Daisy commented. She served a few times, left and right. She began to speed up faster. Daisy turned on the main road.

“Where are you going?” Luke questioned.

“I am doing some bird watching.” Daisy did another jump through the trees. Two of the motorcycles tried it and landed in trees.

“Look at that, two yellow birds. They look pretty good.”

“I will name them.”

“What?”

“Ye Yellow dirt bikes.” Daisy laughed and Luke began to join her.

“Five left Daisy.”

“Yep I know.”

“Hey y’all this is the Bullet Dodger calling the lost sheep. How many more of these bad boys do you have left?” Dodger questioned over the CB. Daisy grabbed the CB before Luke could.

“This is Bo Peep here, we got five on our tail. How many hogs do you have in your playpen?” Daisy asked over the CB.

“Five.”

“Don’t forget to go bird watching. This is Bo Peep over and out I’m gone.” She put the CB down.

“You are just loving this, ain’t you?” Luke questioned.

“Of course I am.” Daisy’s eyebrows went up as she continued to drive. “You start with a fly, give your honey a swing.” Daisy jumped the General again. She went around in a circle, two motorcycles crashed into each other.

“What are you…?”

“Luke, why do you even ask?”

“Beats me.”

“Three left.” Daisy drove back towards the factory. She went inside and broke the back of it. Dang, Boss wasn’t goanna be happy with his new back door.

“Okay then get them.” Suddenly, Daisy heard the sirens of three state police cars. They pulled over the last three.

“Awe they ruined my fun.”

“Ah Daisy, we can let them have some sort of adventure.”

“I guess I have to huh?”

“Yeah I suppose so.” Daisy pulled over and laughed. “You know, I think I did very well.”

“You did.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah—and let’s pray I never have to drive with you again when you’re in this mood.” Daisy began to laugh.

“I wasn’t that bad.”

Let’s see, Bo had a great prom. He and Lynn were voted King and Queen of Hazzard High School. They looked good with their little items. Not bad for Bo huh? From prisoner to King. Now how much better do you get than that?

When Roscoe, Boss and Enos got there, the state police were already cuffing and stuffing. This not only disappointed Roscoe but made Boss upset.

Why? Well unless he wanted to join the boys he hired in prison, he would have to give up all his machines. Not fun for Boss but a great laugh for Daisy and Luke alike. You have got to love that.

Bo thanked Luke for his prom by doing something nice for him. The younger cousin put a steak on Luke’s face, slowing down the swelling. Luke had quite the mark there didn’t he?

Well that’s prom night, Hazzard Style.

THE END

by: Essy Jane

Ah, Hazzard County. Look at the blue skies. Look at the birds flying in the air. Look at—the General going over the water. Dang, I love them boys, they never travel the way other people do. Actually, if you look behind them, there’s Cooter driving Dolly.

So Hazzard is a different place but dang do I love it. After all, watch how fast them boys can go. Look at the water as it splashes. “Luke do you mind not going over bumps I need to use the bathroom,” Bo commented. Luke took a major jump.

“It ain’t my fault that you didn’t go,” Luke answered.

“You were the one who dragged me out of the house and said, ‘come on Bo, we need to check the new shocks.’ I didn’t have time to do much of anything.” Luke began to laugh. He got out of the water and onto the road.

Well I guess no one can be a fish together. “Hey Crazy C, how does it look back there?” Bo questioned over the CB.

“Dang Bo Dukas, you got some good shocks from me. It is looking fine,” Cooter replied.

“Well good, now can we get back to the garage?”

“Sure thing Bo ol buddy.”

“10-4 Cooter.” Bo put down the CB. “Finally, the throne’s invitation will not go unnoticed.”

Meanwhile, at the Hazzard County Sheriff’s office, Enos was just coming in. He looked at Boss Hogg and Roscoe who were conversing about one thing or another. Boss Hogg elbowed Roscoe as Enos walked in.

Roscoe straightened up. He looked at Enos. “Boy why ain’t you out there going after the Dukes?” Roscoe asked. Enos shook his head.

“That’s what I came in here to talk about,” Enos cut in. He shook his head, staring at both Boss Hogg and Roscoe. He didn’t know how to say it exactly. After all, Roscoe had been his friend for a long time.

“Well, spill it out Enos.” Enos took off his hat, staring at Roscoe. He cleared his throat.

“Mr. Hogg, Sheriff, I don’t wanna play anymore dirty tricks on the boys.”

“Say that again Enos, I have something stuck in my ear. I thought you said you don’t wanna play dirty tricks.”

“They’s good boys. They may have done a few things that ain’t good but—possum on gum bush, I really want to be honest. Bo and Luke are my best friends. They care for me. They love me a lot and to do this to ‘em…”

“Enos, I don’t pay you to think for yourself—leave that up to me.” Roscoe scratched his head. “Look, we’re anticipating the bad moves that them Dukes is goanna make.”

“Ding dang it, I just can’t do it. Daisy would be so disappointed.”

“Well boy, then hand in your badge, you’re fired!” Boss Hogg said.

“Boss, you don’t mean that,” Roscoe jumped in.

“I do, he’s been a thorn in my side since I hired him. Now, he needs to learn that I am serious so pack your bags. You don’t have a job anymore.” Enos’ head hung low. He handed Boss his badge and belt which included his gun. He headed out the door.

Now friends, this ain’t fair. This boy just wants to be a good law man. One of those just ain’t welcome in Hazzard I guess. But dang, I know this ain’t the last we have heard of this.

“Boss, why did you do that?” Roscoe asked. Boss Hogg shook his head.

“Look Roscoe, Arty will take over as your deputy. We have bigger fish to fry. You see this?” Boss Hogg questioned. He held up a poster of a wanted man. “This is a twenty thousand dollar reward for a robber who has been seen around Chickasaw County.”

“Oh Boss, he looks mean.”

“And that money looks good inside my bank. Now if those danged Dukes have anything to do with this, I won’t have my money—I mean my robber. So you get out there with Arty and you find my man.”

“Yes Boss.”

“You don’t rest until he’s behind bars and I have the reward.”

“And I have my fifty percent.”

“Roscoe, you have to account for my losses.”

“What losses?”

“Firing Enos.”

“But you…”

“Nope I say ten percent will work.”

“But I am capturing him.”

“And I am filling up your car to do it. Now, you get on your way.”

“Yes Boss.” Now friends, how do you like that one? Enos is fired and that dirty ol’ Boss Hogg uses it to cheat Roscoe.

2

Luke raced out of the bathroom he looked at the gang. Bo was sitting there sipping on a pop. Dodger and Cooter both had a beer. Now, this looks pretty peaceful don’t it?

Yeah I would say so but hey, with a robber running around this ain’t goanna keep.

“No one go in the bathroom,” Luke said. Bo laughed so hard that he flipped off his chair. The pop poured all over him. “You did that on purpose.”

“Nah, flying on my chair was no stunt,” Bo replied.

“No, the bathroom, you unloaded a stink bomb. I know it and Cooter loaned you the parts.”

“You can’t prove that.”

“Yes I can. When I lifted the seat there was a mechanism. You made it smell in there.” Bo began laughing.

“Still not enough proof.”

“You wanna make a bet?” Luke grabbed Bo’s hand and looked at it. He saw the oil on his finger tips. Bo held it up to a print Luke had on a paper. “You are blameworthy.” Cooter began laughing.

“You’ve been caught,” Dodger laughed.

“We both have didn’t we Luke?” Cooter added.

“Caught red handed,” Luke replied.

“Yeah well no one is perfect.”

“Well Cooter, you can’t have every skill.”

“Nah, being pretty is about as much as I got.” Luke began laughing. Luke noticed Bo walking out the door out of the corner of his eye.

“Where is he going?” Dodger questioned.

“I don’t know, maybe this long weekend is getting to his head,” Luke replied.

“You better go check on him,” Cooter commented.

“You think so?” Luke asked.

“Heck, when my little brother walked off, something was wrong.”

“Yeah—Bo was having fun and suddenly he walked away.”

“That ain’t like him.” Luke nodded. He yawned and stretched, looking back at Cooter.

“No it ain’t.” He walked outside and saw Bo sit down beside Enos. Luke stared at both his cousin and the un-badged deputy.

“I was fired,” Enos announced. Luke’s mouth hung open. Bo shook his head.

“He was fired for being honest,” Bo grumbled.

“What?” Luke questioned.

“Yeah, he was fired because he didn’t wanna play any more dirty tricks on us.” Bo shook his head again. His fists tightened up. “That ain’t fair.”

“Now Bo, don’t go gnashing your teeth now,” Enos cut in. He looked down at the ground. “It ain’t like there is anything we can do about it.”

“Enos, don’t say that.”

“Yeah, there is always something that you can do about it,” Luke replied. Bo nodded his head in agreement. “Enos, you can’t sit here and take this laying down.”

“Luke’s right.” Enos smiled largely like he always did. His eyes widened. Luke smiled and so did Bo. “Now that is the Enos Strait we all love and care about.”

“What are we goanna do though, I ain’t a hero or anything. I am just an ordinary man.” Luke smiled. He looked at his cousin smiling.

“Did you just catch a drift of what he said?” Luke asked. Bo smiled and rubbed his hands together.

“YAHOOOO, I sure did,” Bo exclaimed. He clapped with excitement.

“What are we doing?” Enos questioned.

“We don’t have to tell you Enos,” Luke said.

“Yeah, it was your dang idea, Enos,” Bo added. Enos scratched his head.

“What was?” He asked.

“We’re goanna turn you into a hero.”

“How are we goanna do that?”

“By paying a visit to the post office.” Now for those of y’all who are confused—well, I am on the same boat as you are. Stick around y’all, the couch maybe lumpy but the story is full of bolts from the blue.

3

Now, news travels fast in Hazzard County. Do you have any idea on just how many folks love Enos Strait? Yup, the number is huge. Now Boss Hogg can sit there and avoid the general public but there was one woman he couldn’t account for.

“Jacob-Daley Hogg!” Leila screamed. Uh huh, Boss Hogg’s wife. Well now you wanna know how to beat Boss Hogg. There are only two ways, send the Duke Boys after him or Leila Hogg.

Now Luke figured if he couldn’t win with his plan maybe Leila could bring Enos back in. Now he’s one smart cookie. Ladies and Gentlemen, now I expect great things from good ol Luke Duke.

Leila was a lot like a woman we all know, Lulu Hogg. Lulu always had the upper hand with her husband, Jefferson-Davis Hogg. I guess it only fit that Jacob-Daley Hogg also married a woman who was a Coltrane.

Anyway, Leila was a good friend of the Dukes. Always had been. You know, Jesse does get many good friends behind him doesn’t he now? Even though Perry wasn’t his friend at all, his sister really was an honorable Duke.

Leila used to come and eat over at the Duke place lots of times. I mean she was just excepted in ways you wouldn’t believe.

Everyone loved Leila Hogg. She was known for her many acts of service. I do mean many. Now this woman is acknowledged for her big heart and her…

“You full-size overweight ruffian!” As I was saying, her chock-a-block rant and rave when Boss pulls something like this. Almost amusing to watch ain’t it?

“Sugar plum I…” Boss began.

“Oh no you don’t, JD!”

“I don’t what?”

“You will not call me Sugar Plum and get away with murder.”

“It wasn’t a bloodbath that I was doing. You know I wouldn’t do something like that pumpkin.”

“I ain’t food JD, despite what I look like.”

“Look all I did was—do my job which keeps you in the life of luxury.”

“And perform a crime.”

“What crime.”

“You know what crime.”

“So what I just fired…”

“I know what you did; the whole danged Hazzard County knows what you have done.”

“Yeah—I noticed.”

“Good, I am glad you noticed something besides the money in your safe and them danged memoirs.”

“Those ain’t the only things I have noticed.” Now Boss had to do some quick thinking. Against Roscoe, this would be easy. Against Leila Hogg—well let’s just say this was a little bit harder.

“Oh?”

“I noticed that you have a beautiful face.”

“How dare you try to butter me up you plump over cooked turkey wing!!”

“Oh come Leila, it was crucial to being the commissioner of Hazzard County. It is my political duty to…”

“Be a jack ass?”

“To be a Jack—no, not to be a Jack Ass.” Boss had to think about his words for a minute. “It is my job to make choices that everyone might not agree with.”

“No one in Hazzard County thinks that poor Enos should be pushed out of the force.”

“Leila, you know—“

“That you are being a high-flying self-seeking dingle face.”

“Now Leila, that was uncalled for.” She slammed her fist down on her open palm. He swallowed hard. “Now I had too many on staff and…”

“You call three people too many!”

“Now, lamb chop…”

“Don’t you lamb chop me! Enos is the best part of this force and to have him missing makes it so I am doing fault-finding. Now you change it or else!”

“Or else what? What could you do to me?” Now come on Boss you don’t go and threaten a woman holding all the keys. Dang folks, he’s playing with fire. Not just a candle flame an inferno.

“Oh, you haven’t seen the weight of Leila Hogg!” She stormed out of the room.

“Believe me Leila, I have.” Boss started laughing. He shook his head. “Good luck on her ever getting me to change my mind,” He called down the hallway.

Now Boss is in a whole mess of trouble. And for all of those who don’t know trouble when they see it, let me spell it out for y’all. T-R-O-U-B-L-E, big trouble. Leila was sure goanna show him.

Now this day wasn’t over for Boss. You wouldn’t believe who came next. “JD you butter ball!” Jesse exclaimed. Boss Hogg rubbed his eyebrows.

“Oh great, its you,” he grumbled.

“You had better believe your buttons it is me. You sack of sad bones—you pip Mellon you…”

“Jesse come on, name calling is for children.”

“Well then, you better start yourself up because you are the only child I see here.”

“After all the things we have been through together. After you and me moon shinning together.”

“That was your idea to get more money.”

“Yeah and because you quit I had to learn how to do it again. No one likes mine as much as they like yours.”

“Don’t you be changing the topic, JD Hogg!!” Jesse shook his head. “Now you and I have been friends and enemies since we was sixteen years old. Although I didn’t always like it, we have been.”

“Yeah well…”

“Well Enos has been friends with my boys since—they were knee high to a grasshopper. You may even say he’s one of the family. To see him all crushed like that is—well it is plum awful.”

“Well that’s nice Jesse but get out of here or I’ll have you removed. ROSCOE!”

“Yes Boss?” Roscoe questioned.

“Please escort Jesse out of the building.”

“No problem Boss.” Roscoe straightened up. He took out his gun. “Alright you old goat you get moving.”

“Roscoe, don’t you dare point that pea shooter at me! I may be an old goat but I can still throw you over my knee and give you a dang good spanking,” Jesse replied. Roscoe jumped a little.

“Don’t you threaten me, I am an officer of the law.”

“And I know your pa.”

“Yeah and he don’t like you.” Roscoe stuck out his tongue. “So move it.”

“JD, you will hire him again mark my word.”

“GET!”

“I’m going.” Well friends, don’t worry, this will all work out. Just hold onto your chips ladies and gentlemen, we’re goanna make it through. Don’t munch too fast—you’ll get a tummy ache and miss something.

4

Boy howdy, now if this were a baseball game, the bases would be loaded and the coach would be bringing out his star Pitcher. Now since it ain’t baseball and we don’t have many star Pitchers in Hazzard County, we’ll have to settle for the Duke Boys.

I think that’s a better idea anyway. The Dukes know Hazzard County shuck and jive just as well as the Great Bambino knew his baseball. So move that rear end over to a snug spot and we’ll work out Luke’s plan.

Now first part of Luke’s fabulous plan was to get Enos in shape. You see Dolly driving up in there? Yup, that’s Daisy driving and Enos running behind her. Now why do you think she’s doing the driving?

Come on, have you ever looked at Daisy? Dang she has more beauty than Flash has fleas. Well that and if you know anything about good ol Enos Strait is that ol Enos loves Miss Daisy. Kind of brings about some motivation, don’t it?

After his long run, Enos went for his next training session. Luke coached him in the nitty-gritty tricks of boxing. Now Enos was pretty good for a beginner, even Luke could agree with that one. He seemed to pick it up pretty fast—but Luke still had advantage over him.

Soon he moved onto Bo, who would teach him two things. First of all, how to pace yourself while running. Now Bo was excellent in track and field. He was also a great linebacker. So you better believe Bo could run.

Enos liked working with Bo for the running. He made Enos do all sorts of training exercises they do in football. Bo was a smart cookie when it came to these.

Soon, Uncle Jesse was calling them to eat. They all sat at the table. “Dang Mr. Duke, it sure was nice of you to let me stay for a while,” Enos commented.

“Oh it is fun to have you here,” Jesse answered. He poured Enos some buttermilk.

“Gosh dang it Mr. Duke, you didn’t have to do that for me now. The lemonade would have been fine.”

“Now Enos you know as well as I do ya need a treat every once in a while. Besides, you deserve it. All that work you have been doing.”

“Yeah Enos, you have been doing really good,” Bo added.

“No kidding, he almost beamed me in the head while we were boxing,” Luke declared.

“Well he was running like a professional. I think he is ready to go and become a hero.”

“I’m so proud of you Enos,” Daisy said as she kissed him on the cheek. Enos went bright red and I do mean bright right red.

“Thank—thank you Daisy,” Enos replied. He had his big grin on but suddenly it faded. “What if Mr. Hogg doesn’t give me my job back?”

“Now Enos, don’t you worry about that.”

“Yeah Enos, we would never let you stay fired on our account,” Bo reassured his friend.

“Besides, if plan one don’t work, plan two will definitely be a sure hitter,” Luke laughed.

“Especially with Leila throwing fire from her eyes.” The whole Duke family began laughing.

“Now boys, you know tomorrow is church. Y’all have to quit scheming for the Lord ’s Day,” Jesse reminded them. Everyone rolled their eyes except Enos and Jesse of course. “Now I mean it. The Lord asked us to keep the Sabbath and dang it, the Duke family will listen.”

“Yes sir,” Everyone said at the same time. Now that is priceless. Jesse began laughing.

“What?” Daisy asked.

“Sure would be funny to watch what’s going on at JD’s house. After all, he did challenge Leila,” Jesse replied. Now everyone was laughing.

“You know that would be funny to see.”

“I wonder if she has moved back into his room yet,” Bo added.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Well by the time she’s done with him, he’ll wish he hired Enos’ whole family on,” Jesse said.

“Dang, I believe it.”

“Yeah, she’s good,” Luke added.

“Good ain’t the word for it,” Bo replied.

“What do you mean?”

“Great is the word. Leila will have Boss eating out of the palm of her hand in no time.”

“You’re probably right.”

“I know I’m right.”

“I’m with Bo. I have served her before. She can be nice but if you do something mean like not leave me a good tip…Miss Leila goes and makes sure you get what you deserve,” Daisy told Luke as she pushed her hair back.

Now just because you call fire salt, don’t mean that it won’t burn you. Hey that sounds pretty dang good. I am a great balladeer. Woo for me. Nah, I can’t take all the credit. You remember Waylon Jennings? Well now he’s my hero.

Anyway, Boss Hogg was sure that Leila’s wrath wouldn’t be horrible. However, he was about to find out just how bad it was. I told you he was in trouble. I couldn’t get him away from it even if I wanted him to.

Boss Hogg often came home to have lunch on the table. With Leila sitting there beside him. Imagine this if you will. Yes, there was a plate but no Leila. Now this didn’t bother him none. No, it had to have been the contents on his plate.

A piece of lettuce and a small slice of tomato. Well that and a note. Well you wanna see what that one says don’t ya? Well here you are, courtesy of me:

Dear Jacob-Daley Hogg,

If you look by my refrigerator, you will observe that yours is omitted from the picture. And if you look even closer, you will see that mine has a lock on it.

Until you put Enos back on the force, you will be on a diet. I had fried chicken and potato salad today. I hope this piece of lettuce and tomato makes you feel as satisfied as my meal made me.

I have moved my clothes into your room. Don’t worry, sharing that king sized bed will make me very happy. I know I snore but I can’t change that. So if you need to, you can put some cotton in your ears.

Love your wife,

Leila Hogg.

Now ain’t that a kicker. “No, white lightning!” Boss Hogg exclaimed. “Leila Hogg, you will regret this. Well no matter, I can get Roscoe to fix me up a little snack.”

Now if you think that this is bad, well it gets worse. You see, Boss went to go ask Roscoe for a bite to eat. Well Leila threatened to have him and Mama move in with her. Now the purpose of having Mama move in was to make JD go nuts. Therefore, he wouldn’t dare go against Leila.

JD hated his mother in law with a passion. He would never want her actually living with them. Not bad for a woman with weight huh? Well, keep watching y’all.

5

“Roscoe, I have lost five pounds and you have not caught that criminal. Chad Lando…now why ain’t he in my prison? Better still why ain’t I holding that money in my hands?” Boss Hogg asked.

“Well Boss, your chubby little hands couldn’t hold all that money Khee-hee-hee,” Roscoe said as he pinched Boss’ cheeks.

“Ah! Stop that you pea brain.” Boss Hogg shook his head. “Leila is driving me crazy. Look at me, I’m wasting away.”

“Sorry fat buddy but my hands are tied. Well actually no their not but maybe…”

“Roscoe do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Take off your hat.”

“Why?”

“So the circulation can return to your brain.” Boss got up and grabbed something. Roscoe waved his fist a couple of times before Boss Hogg turned around.

“Well hire Enos back.”

“Oh come on, then she’ll win.”

“Well you know I can’t do anything.”

“Not even my own waitresses will fix me a snack. They’re all part of my wife’s book club. Well that and Daisy told them not to.”

“Awe Boss.”

“Don’t you AWE Boss me, just get that bad guy.”

“Yes sir.”

“Get out of here!”

“I’m gone.” Roscoe ran out of the room. He went right to his car. He saw the Duke car parked in front of the post office. He put down one of his fire hydrants hoping that it would get the Dukes if he weren’t getting this Chad Lando.

He saw Enos inside. Now Roscoe is a many things but one thing he ain’t is a hard nosed jerk. He didn’t like the fact that Enos was fired. So when he saw him there, Roscoe wondered just what he was doing.

Roscoe cleared his throat. “Why Howdy Sheriff. I was just looking at these wanted posters. Possum on a gum bush, this one says a reward of $20 000 dollars. Ha hun! I think I could find this one,” Enos replied.

“I’ll Possum your gum bush you dipstick! What makes you think you can catch them you meow muffin?”

“Simple Roscoe,” Bo announced.

“Oh keep out of this Duke Boy!”

“Now Roscoe he’s the best deputy you’ve ever had. Now you know as well as I do that as well as I do.”

“You listen here Bo Duke. I couldn’t have stopped it. Boss’ word is the final enchilada.”

“Don’t blame him Bo, he’s just too yella to stand up to the Boss,” Luke announced.

“Now listen here you parsnip, I ain’t yella—he’s just scary.” Bo and Luke laughed.

“Now Bo, Luke, you be nice to the sheriff now,” Enos cut in.

“Yeah, be nice to me.” Roscoe waved his fist. “Or I’ll cuff you and stuff you.” Roscoe walked out of the post office.

“Hey boys, y’all wanna see if you have mail?” Miss Tizdale asked.

“Sure,” Luke replied.

“Well then take a number.” Luke did as she said, grabbing a number off the small red number holder. “Number one, you’re up.”

“That’s me.” Luke pulled out his identification. Even though Miss Tizdale had known him for a while—rules were rules.

“Here you are Luke.”

“Thanks Miss Tizdale.”

“Oh and say hello to that Uncle of yours. Every time I see him, I tell you my heart just melts.” Luke smiled and so did Bo. “Now y’all be safe now.”

“Yes ma’am,” Bo answered. Luke opened his letter. He began to read it and shook his head. “What does it say?”

“None of your business,” Luke replied.

“Luke…”

“Bo, just forget about it okay?” Luke crumpled the letter up and stuck it in the garbage can.

“Luke come on, I know something is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong Bo. Now, we need to get going.”

“Luke…”

“We have bigger fish to fry.” Bo shrugged.

“What do I care? It was from your father. I just thought you would like to…”

“Well you thought wrong.”

“This is the first letter you have seen from him in months.” Luke shrugged. He glared at his cousin.

“Didn’t I say drop it?” They walked over to the General Lee. Enos got in first. Bo got in the passenger’s seat. “It ain’t important.”

“Yes it is important.”

“No one died if that’s what you’re conjecturing in that head of yours.” Luke started up the engine. “Dad is fine—working as the army’s best friend.”

“Then what’s eating at you?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing you wanna talk about or nothing in General?” Luke began to drive away.

“Well, pick one.” Now you know Luke’s upset. But he ain’t fixing to tell Bo what he just read in that letter. Oh well I guess it is bad enough for that one. We’ll just have to find out huh?

6

Welcome back to your regular scheduled program. I hope you ain’t goanna go to the bathroom right now. This is just getting to the good part you know. I ain’t fixing on rewinding anything for ya now.

Oh really, you know that I want to help y’all out but I can’t. I am just a balladeer. I can’t leap through and stop the show. It must go on now. So don’t worry too much about it. Just make sure you take my advice.

The Dukes and Enos were about to go on an adventure. Now, Luke has a back up plan for everything. Remember, Leila was still working her magic on Boss.

Last night, Boss Jacob-Daley Hogg lay in bed with something that made a lot of noise. No, it wasn’t a bad muffler. It was the original sleep deduction devise—the snore. Now Leila was the champion of the snore.

Have y’all ever heard a motorcycle in the day time? Well now, take that there motorcycle and add about sixty to it. That’s Leila Hogg. JD couldn’t sleep a wink. He was food deprived and he wasn’t able to sleep.

If you wanna know what that does to a man, look at him. His eyes are droopy. He wants to fall asleep but just can’t do it. In his office, he wants to conjure up a stratagem to make more money.

All he can manage is stick drawings of him and Leila. Leila has a big pig with an apple in its mouth. Boss has a napkin tied around his neck with a fork and knife in hand.

You know, those ain’t bad for drawings. I wouldn’t of though Boss mastered the stick person so well. You know though, that was the least of his problems.
If y’all think that Boss Hogg’s wife sounds bad when he snores well then you have another thing coming. Think of a jet airplane. Now that there noise is Boss Hogg’s official I want food call.

Anyway, enough about Boss—we’ll catch up with him later. Right now, as Luke said, we have got bigger fish to fry. One fish in particular. Chad Lando, one of the biggest crooks around.

No, he don’t rob banks. He robs houses. Well, it wouldn’t be a normal Hazzard day if we didn’t have someone trying to do something wrong in Hazzard.

Now Luke knew as well as the rest of us if Boss Hogg got hold of this prisoner, the money would go to some dirty scheme. If Enos got the money he would be sure to help someone else. Now which person would you wanna give the money to?

Well, if you’re saying Boss then, why don’t you go join the force? I mean dang; you can attack the Dukes and all they believe in. If you say give it to Enos then please by all means, give yourself a pat on the back.

Now, Luke and the rest of the Dukes figured out where this robber was hiding out. Not a creative place. Now remember Boss Roscoe Coltrane? Well he made a plant by the Duke farm. However, it didn’t take off very well and he abandoned it.

Ain’t that funny ladies and Gentlemen? This thief was right under the Duke’s nose. You know though if I were that bad dude I would be running the opposite way. The Dukes ain’t someone to be messing with.

However, this guy is new to Hazzard. I can’t educate him because all he wants to do is—well you know shoot and ask questions later. I ain’t goanna approach him. My brains are sharper than that.

Anyhow, that’s where he was hiding. Chad wasn’t a smart man but I wasn’t one to argue with his choice. I guess it made it easier for them boys to come out and ask him to play.

It was time to send out Luke’s secret weapon. Barley clears a mud hut with a single jump. More powerful that a toy locomotive. Can fire a bullet—swims well occasionally. It’s Super Enos. Come on, I had to give some sort of introduction didn’t I?

Now this was goanna take some intellect. Bo and Luke knew what to do. After all, they used to play in this building when they were younger. Luke rubbed his hands together. He grabbed the bow and arrow. Luke shot up one single arrow over a post up there. The rope went over the post and the arrow hit the ground.

Now Luke and Enos would go up one side and Luke up the other. Bo had already gone up. Sorry I didn’t mention that before. I didn’t think of it as important until now. Well, there was a reason why Bo went up first.

Enos was good at many things but he wasn’t good at this part. You know, getting up without being detected and boy was it important that he was able to get up here. Luke pulled him up while Bo grabbed him and pulled him up.

Now this looked fairly easy. Enos jumps down and grabs a sleeping man. You must remember though ladies and gentlemen. This is Hazzard County. Nothing is as easy as it seems. So pay attention.

As Luke climbed up the rope, Bo didn’t think anything of it. His cousin was good when it came to climbing. He had climbed many peaks. Walls of buildings were slick but there wasn’t any problem.

“Ah, Bo…” Enos began.

“Shh, Enos, you’re goanna get us caught,” Bo announced.

“Bo…”

“Enos come on, you’re getting on my last nerve.” Bo felt the gun against his head. He put his hands up. “Is that what you were trying to tell me Enos?” Luke didn’t come any further.

“Yeah, there’s a gun to your head.” You see, if this dude saw him, those two were in hot water.

“Who are you two and what do you want?” Chad questioned.

“There ain’t no mountains around here so we thought we would explore,” Bo replied. Chad hit Bo in the head with the gun.

“Ding dang it, what did you go and do that for?” Enos asked.

“What does it matter to you?”

“He’s my friend.” Enos kicked the gun out of his hand. He grabbed his arms, wrestling him down to the ground. “I care about my friends. Luke climbed up wondering what was going on. “Hey Luke pass me that rope good buddy.”

“Sure thing Enos,” Luke replied as he smiled. He grabbed the rope and gave it to his friend.

“This is a citizen’s arrest pal. You’re going to jail now. No ticket to pass go for you.” Luke now paid attention to his cousin. “Is Bo goanna be okay Luke?”

“Probably lost a few brain cells but he should be alright.” Bo began moaning he looked up at his cousin.

“What did I miss?” Bo questioned. He sat up and saw the criminal all tied up. “Good job Enos.” Enos smiled.

“Why thank you Bo,” Enos answered. Now hey, he did a good job didn’t he? Well I bet you’re wondering what happened. Let me elaborate.

Sally and her partner came down and picked up Mr. Lando. While she was there, she gave Roscoe a little bit of love. He was a lot happier after that.

Enos got twenty thousand dollars and decided to share half with Boss Hogg. Now if you’re wondering why—so am I. Enos said if it wasn’t for Boss firing him, he would never have caught the crook.

Enos’ half of the money went to charity of course. Now you wanna know if Enos got his job back. Well of course he did. Whether it was his hero work, the money he gave Boss or Leila—we’ll never know.

Ain’t that a good ending? Nah, actually I think it is a great start. After all, this is Hazzard County and everything begins here. I like that fact. Everything begins in Hazzard.

Now soon after this happened, Bo went back to school and began preparing for prom. Oh wait, that too is another story for Hazzard County.

by: Essy Jane

Hey y’all, welcome back. You sure like it here don’t you now? I do too. I think that Hazzard is like the colors of the painting. You know, it just lights up Georgia. Well this time is no different.

You see the Bo and Luke Duke were goanna…well let’s go back a little ways. You don’t wanna eat the soup before it is ready, do you now? There’s Jesse and Daisy packing up. Daisy is still on crutches but she missed Jose something awful.

You know, people always say that family is the closest thing to you. Daisy would walk through fire to visit loved ones. However, Jesse wouldn’t let her go alone. She still is on crutches after all. If my daughter were going on crutches…heck, I would wanna be with her too.

Jesse was having last minute thoughts. After all, them boys of his got in a lot of trouble on a regular basis. Who was goanna get them out of it? He wanted to make sure they were taken care of.

Although I think if Luke cooked, it would keep them out of trouble. Why? Well Bo and Luke would be in the hospital. I have tried his food, it is really bad.

“Are you sure you boys will be alright on your own?” Daisy asked.

“We’ll live,” Luke replied.

“I hope,” Bo added.

“What do you mean by that one, Bo?”

“Well simple, if you kill me before I go to school…”

“That ain’t funny.”

“Your oatmeal could patch the sole of my shoe.” Daisy began laughing.

“Yeah, sure fixed my high heel,” Daisy replied.

“That ain’t funny,” Luke grumbled.

“Sure it is, cousin, you could kill a donkey with your stewed prunes.”

“Probably rip his teeth right out,” Bo added. They began to laugh. Luke seemed ready to pop. “Don’t worry, Miss Tizdale said she would come over and give some cooking lessons.”

“How’d you get her to do that?” Jesse questioned as he set the suitcases down. Bo smiled. “You didn’t…”

“I sure did. I gave her my word and you know…”

“A Duke never breaks his word. You owe me big for that one.”

“Boy do I ever.”

“Now boys, I want you to look after each other. Luke, make sure Bo goes to school on time.”

“Yes sir,” Luke replied.

“Dana next door needs someone to mend her roof. I offered you two up.”

“Well that ain’t a problem,” Bo answered. He scratched his chin. “I’ll do it after school—I can handle that job myself. I have seen the hole.”

“Her husband is out of town Bo.”

“I know.”

“He will be back next Thursday.”

“I know.”

“She’s pregnant.”

“We know,” Bo and Luke said at the same time.

“I know you boys know but, she is due any time now. I want you to keep an eye on her. If she feels too lonely, get her to come and stay with us. I don’t like thinking of her by her lonesome. Dana has been good to the Duke family.”

“You don’t have to worry about a thing,” Luke reassured his uncle. Jesse didn’t seem to won over but then again, neither would I. This is Hazzard County ladies and Gentlemen. Hazzard always bring trouble. The people who stir up the majority of it is the Duke Boys.

“Uh huh.” Bo smiled as he high fived Luke. “You boys are goanna give my white hairs grays.”

“Not if we turn them white first,” Bo answered. Luke tried to hold the laugh in but couldn’t. Jesse gave Bo the look. He straightened up and tried to present himself like a gentleman.

“Now, y’all please do your best for me, please.” Bo nodded and Luke winked. “I mean it now. Please try and not start anything you can’t finish.”

“Yes sir.”

“Don’t worry Uncle Jesse, I have Cooter some emergency bail money,” Luke reassured him.

“Now don’t you dare get—get old Cooter into one of your messes. He is a father now,” Jesse scolded the boys.

“Come on, it’ll be okay, I promise,” Bo mumbled. Jesse rolled his eyes as he got in the car. He started it up and began to drive. Well we’ll see you later Jesse and Daisy. Hopefully they don’t go through too much trouble.

2

Well you should see Bo and Luke travel together. They are quite the team. Who is behind them? Enos this time—he doesn’t look too thrilled to be chasing the Dukes though. Luke is driving this time.

“Now why do I have to sit in the passenger’s seat?” Bo questioned. Luke shook his head as he smiled. “You know, I am a better driver out of the two of us.”

“Look, Uncle Jesse said make sure you go to school. I am goanna make sure you do—even if that means taking you myself,” Luke replied.

“Well I could have driven myself, I ain’t an indolent moron.”

“First off nice new word.” Luke took a jump and landed right on the ground. Enos did the same thing.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Second of all…”

“You burnt your hand on the stove this morning.”

“Only because you scared me, Luke Duke—you and that megaphone.” Bo got in the back seat of the car. “You didn’t have to use it in the house. Especially while I was cooking.”

“Well it is cool. It will work well for the day camp this summer.” Luke jumped over Danny’s house and beeped the horn. Danny ran out of the house. He jumped in the window and moved into the back.

“Hey Luke, why are you driving?” Danny questioned.

“Uh…”

“Long story Danny,” Bo replied.

“I see,” Danny answered.

“It ain’t that long of a story. Bo was making muffins for breakfast. As he went to take them out, I used my megaphone in the house. I frightened him and he blistered his hand,” Luke cut in.

“How bad is it?” Bo pulled off the gauze and showed Danny. The skin was dark cherry on the outside. There was a big white blister on the inside. “Owe.” Danny rubbed his own skin as Bo put the white bandage down. He pressed on the tape.

“Tell me about it,” Bo replied.

“Hold on y’all,” Luke announced.

“You don’t have to tell us.” There was Hazzard Pond. Luke went over it with ease. Enos sank in the water. Luke stopped the car to see if he was okay. Enos got out with ease.

“Sorry Bo.”

“About what?”

“Burning you.”

“You didn’t burn me, the stove did.”

“Well sorry just the same.”

“Luke, don’t feel bad about it. My hand is okay. It’s just a blister. A little bit of swelling.” Luke beeped the Dixie Horn again, Lynn came out and got into the front.

“Hey, why is Luke driving?” Lynn asked. Danny and Bo started laughing. “What?”

“Don’t worry about it Lynn.”

“Alright Bo.” They made it to school. Luke sighed. He really did feel bad for Bo’s burn. He didn’t want to say anything else. Instead, he drove home.

Luke worked excessively in the fields. He was doing pretty good but knew he needed a break. As he walked over, there was Dana, standing there. Luke smiled at her and offered her a seat in the house.

Dana put her feet up. “I’m sorry Luke, I just don’t like being alone for so long. Patrick normally doesn’t go away for that long—I am worried about him,” Dana said.

“It’s okay,” Luke replied. He grabbed the ice cream and took out cheese wiz. “I am glad you came. I don’t have to be alone all day working on the farm.” Luke began to spread the Cheese Wiz on top of the Ice Cream.

“I don’t know, maybe I am worrying for nothing.” Luke handed her the bowl. “Thanks, I have been craving this all day.”

“You’re welcome.” Luke sighed. He got himself a bowl of regular ice cream. “Dana, I would always keep myself worried…keeps you from making dumb mistakes.”

“You think so Luke?”

“I know so.” Well he certainly knows how to comfort her. “Look, we’ll look for him…Bo and me.”

“Thank you both…God bless you.” Luke smiled. They continued eating their ice cream. Now I wonder what is going on…don’t you?

3

“Are you sure it was a good idea to leave her alone with Lynn? I mean she ain’t exactly the baby type,” Bo commented. Luke turned the corner.

“Well Danny offered to take the roof off of our hands and someone needs to stay with Dana,” Luke answered.

“You just had to choose Lynn. Hello, have you ever seen Cooter with a pregnant woman? He doesn’t know what to say to her. Lynn is just like him.”

“So?”

“So, she’ll say something wrong.”

“Bo, stop thinking so negatively and concentrate.” Luke thought for a minute. He snapped his fingers. “Bo, we have got to check the airport logs.”

“Just how are we goanna do that?”

“Well considering you is injured, I’ll be the diversion and you look at the records.”

“Great, I wish we could have it the other way around.”

“Well next time don’t burn yourself.” Bo rolled his eyes. Luke snuck in and looked at the security guards. He smiled at them. “How are y’all doing?”

“Okay,” All of them said at the same time.

“Do y’all like your hats?” They all looked at each other. Luke pulled each hat off their head. He began to run with them. All the guards followed with ease. Bo smiled and shook his head.

He looked at the computer and began typing in different passwords until he got in. “Ah, I wish Daisy was here,” Bo grumbled. He began to type some more. “Ah here we are, Patrick Lopez—came in this afternoon at nine AM. Dang, right on time. Then where is he?”

Bo snuck around the counter and back outside. He hit the Dixie horn. Luke stopped running. He handed the hats back to one of them. “I’m sorry boys, I didn’t mean to be such a pest, can y’all forgive me?” Luke questioned.

They all nodded their heads. Luke got in the driver’s seats. He smiled. Luke slowly made his way back to the General Lee. Bo was applying some polysporn to his wound.

“Hey Luke, welcome back to the great General Lee, cousin!” Bo exclaimed. He took out a piece of gauze from the medical kit they had in the General Lee.

“Dang, no wonder you like distraction patrol. I had great fun being childish,” Luke replied.

“You know it is a hard job.” Bo bit the tape with his teeth, applying it to the four sides of the wound. “Someone has to do it. I am glad you had good times.”

“Okay but what did you find out?”

“He is in Hazzard. However, he didn’t come home at all. His plane was in this morning.”

“This is too weird for words. Come on, if he was in, where would be the first place he would go?”

“Dana said that Patrick usually goes to fill up.”

“So…?”

“So, let’s talk to Dodger…he’s working today ain’t he?”

“Yup.”

“Can I drive?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You burned your hand.”

“The top of my hand that doesn’t affect how I’ll drive.”

“You still burned it.” Bo rolled his eyes. “So if you will kindly move over to the passenger’s side…”

“I don’t think so.” Bo started up the engine. He began to drive. Luke shook his head.

“You are…”

“Stubborn?”

“Yeah.” Bo laughed.

“I guess that was just how I was raised.” Luke sight and smiled. He shrugged, leaning back. “Besides that, pity is not what we like in our house.”

“Sorry Bo, I just feel responsible.”

“Well when I am truly ailed then you can feel sorry for me.” They continued driving for a while, finally reaching The Davenport Garage. Now, Dodger was working away like always.

He was doing a good job on this car. It was one of these high priced new fangled ones. Dodger loved it. Cooter would have drooled over it. Now this guy was just thrilled Coot and Lynn were off to a car show or he would not have had such a treat.

“What can I do for y’all?” Dodger asked without looking up. Bo and Luke looked at each other. They smiled. “Well, are you goanna just stand there or are you goanna tell me Luke?”

“How did you…?” Luke began.

“Hey, my brother is teaching me the mastery of cars and their drivers.” Luke tapped his foot on the floor. “Alright, I heard the Dixie Horn all the way down the bend.” Now see what a little foot tapping can arrange?

“Patrick…”

“Lopez?”

“Yeah.”

“Zoomed through here at ten AM…went off towards the Lopez farm.”

“Thought so.”

“Why?”

“Well…he’s missing.”

“Hey side banana, why ain’t you talking about this?”

“Enjoying being the side banana for once, why do you ask Dodger?” Bo returned. Luke and Dodger were laughing it up. Bo winked and smiled. He was being his usual playful self.

“Okay, so why did you wanna know about Lopez?”

“He’s not back yet.”

“Woe, hold the phone now. He’s always back at the same time when he goes on these trips to see his brother. Every single time, Patrick comes home and gasses up and every time he calls your place to make sure all is well.”

“None of that happened, Dodger,” Luke cut in.

“Well, I wonder—what is happening?”

“Cooter hasn’t seen any strange characters hanging around here, has he?”

“Nah, it has generally been me all day.” Dodger scratched his go-tee. He pushed his hat up, making the Duke boys in more plain view. “You know, now that you mention it…there was some fella coming around here.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he said he was some friend of Patrick but I don’t know, he seemed kind of shady to me.”

“Where do you think he went?”

“Probably back to his hideout I guess.” Dodger was in the stupor of thought. “Wait a minute, he did have a mucky residue in his tires.” Luke snapped his fingers.

“The swamp.” Bo shook his head.

“Great, we’re never goanna get through there without getting lost.”

“Well we have got to try. Dana’s baby is coming soon and…” Bo began.

“You think I don’t know that? I wanna find him just as bad as you do but we’re goanna need some help.”

“From who?”

“Cousin Alice’s Granddaughter.” Bo shook his head.

“Oh no, last time we got help from them we…”

“Bo, you know they are the only ones that can guide us through the swamp.”

“I ain’t going anywhere with her.” Now once you have made up a Duke’s mind, there ain’t no way of going back. Bo wasn’t goanna go for no one.

“Fine, I’ll take Danny.” Bo nodded sharply. He laughed as he shook his head.

“What?”

“We’re goanna have to wait until tomorrow before you can even find cousin Mandy.” Luke rolled his eyes and laughed. “Well I am right ain’t I?”

“Well see y’all tomorrow, bright and early. I’ll give you the motor to my boat,” Dodger cut in.

“Thanks Dodger,” Luke replied.

“Come on y’all, you know it ain’t a problem.”

“It is when Luke is driving the boat,” Bo cut in.

“Hey…” Luke began.

“I was only kidding.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Dodge, I am sure he’ll only break the boat once.” Luke glared at his cousin. Now, wasn’t this goanna be interesting? I can’t wait to see what happens. Can you? Hold onto that remote and don’t change the channel, ya hear?

4

“Bo—I…” Dana began. Bo’s eyes widened. “Sorry, I didn’t think they were contractions because of last night and…” Dana winced in pain.

“How many minutes apart?” Bo questioned.

“Two.”

“Great, we’re giving birth here. Just one problem.”

“What’s that?”

“I ain’t ever done this before.” Dana screamed this time as the pain was more intense. “Oh good gravy, we’re in trouble.”

“Do you think you can…”

“I have to.”

“Alright, what do we do?”

“First—we get you back to bed.”

“And then?”

“We call Uncle Jesse.”

“Jesse?”

“He’s the best at delivering babies.” Bo grabbed the portable phone and helped Dana all at the same time hopefully getting the young woman back before anything major happened.

She hopped into bed. Bo began dialing in desperation. When he got the answering machine, Bo slammed down hard on the bed. He needed someone, anyone to help him. Bo snapped his fingers. He began dialing.

“Hello, Hogg Residence, Daisy speaking how can I help you sugar,” Daisy commented.

“Daisy, I need your help this woman is in labor and Uncle Jesse ain’t answering and…”

“Woe, hold it. It’s okay Bo. I know what to do.”

“You’re my hero.”

Meanwhile, far in the swamp, we meet Miss Mandy Harrington. Now, she is a relative of the Dukes. By some miracle, Alice got married. She had her baby, Bonita Duke—for short they called her Bo—after the one she wanted to marry.

Now Bonita chased after Jesse Duke. And Mandy—well, you get the idea. They seemed to want to have the cute Duke men. Hoping that since they was distant enough maybe the bride would be her. Well good luck.

So the fact that Bo wasn’t there, really seemed to help things. “You ain’t as pretty as your cousin,” Mandy announced. She smiled. “I didn’t say you were any less pretty neither.” Luke pulled at his collar.

“Well…we have a job to do cousin Mandy—let’s get it done before we talk about my beautifulness.”

“Whatever you say, Luke, you will say hi to Bo for me won’t ya? I mean you always tell the truth.”

“We don’t have time for this foolishness.”

“Well I wanna know that you’ll tell him. Oh, say to him that we need to wrassle.”

“Sure cousin Mandy, I promise. Now can we keep going?”

“Yup.” They walked further and further into the swamp. Now there was the house they wanted. Mandy knew it all too well. The Debris abandoned it when the revenuers came. Luke rubbed his hands together.

“What do you think Danny?”

“I think that this would be the perfect place for a hideout,” Danny replied, looking at the smoke. Luke nodded. Danny began to peer around the place. “You notice how the birds are steering clear? Someone disturbed the nest over there.”

“Yeah, I see it.”

Back at the farm, Dana began screaming and Bo joined him. “I ain’t ever goanna look at a woman the same again!” He exclaimed.

“Calm down Bo, it’ll be okay,” Daisy tried to reassure him over the phone.

“Calm! Daisy, this is as calm as it gets!”

“Well work harder, scaring Dana ain’t goanna help that baby come out any faster.”

“Yeah—I figured that.”

“Come on Bo, concentrate.”

“I am working on it.”

Now Luke had better hurry up, babies wait for no man. Speaking of which, Luke and Danny were assessing the situation. “You mean this place is being guarded by one man?” Danny questioned.

“Can I wrassle him?” Mandy asked.

“Mandy you—yes you can,” Luke announced. Mandy rubbed her hands together. She rammed the door down also hitting the man who was holding Patrick. The gun flew out of his hand.

“Why did you let her do that?” Danny questioned.

“Figured she could take him out in one hit. My cousin wrestles grizzlies bigger than that,” Luke replied. Danny began laughing. He shook his head.

“You know, I love you Dukes—and your kin.”

“I love us too.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Bo.” Luke smiled.

“Someone has to.” They walked in as they saw Mandy right on top of him.

“Yeah, it ain’t the same without him on one of the many adventures.”

“I got him Luke,” Mandy announced.

“Yeah, I see that,” Luke replied.

“Good work Mandy,” Danny added. Luke and Danny walked over to Patrick. Danny pulled his knife out of his pocket and cut away at the ropes. Luke took the gag out of his mouth.

“Oh man, am I glad to see you three. I thought I was a goner,” Patrick announced.

“Patrick, I know this ain’t my business but do you know why you were kidnapped?” Luke questioned.

“Yeah, that man over there is named Billy Anderson.”

“The corporate show off?”

“Yeah…I went to New York every year to visit my brother…”

“Like you always do.”

“Uh huh, when I went a few years ago, I met Dana who was living there at the time. I fell in love with her and knew I had to marry her. However, Billy was engaged to her.”

“And he wanted her back even after all the years you have lived here.” Patrick nodded.

“Well he won’t be bothering you anymore,” Danny said.

“Yeah, he’s mine now,” Mandy said. She began petting his head.

“You can keep him.”

“Dang, really Luke?”

“Really,” Luke replied. They walked out of the cabin with Danny, Patrick, Luke, Billy and Mandy—this was one adventure I am glad I got through. After showing the boys where their boat was, the two made their way back.

“Bye Luke, bye Danny,” Mandy yelled.

“Bye Mandy,” they both said at the same time.

“Say Bye, Billy.”

“Bye, bye,” Billy yelled hesitantly.

“Mama’s goanna love you.” Billy’s eyes shifted as they walked away.

“I don’t love you.”

“You’ll learn.” Well now, if there ain’t goanna be a shotgun wedding here then I am loosing my grip on Swamp traditions. I wouldn’t be surprised if mama moved to New York with Billy and Mandy.

Well, don’t worry, they will have a good life together. Mandy is a good woman. As for Patrick and Dana’s life…well, come on y’all, follow me back to Hazzard’s famous Duke Farm.

There she was, Dana’s baby girl. They were laying there in bed. Luke stared at Bo. “How in the world did you…” He began. Patrick held onto his wife, kissing and hugging her. Bo and Luke walked out of the room, leaving them to cleave to each other.

“Luke, I don’t know about women,” Bo announced.

“Well this is a first.”

“No really, I don’t know how they do it. Men think they have so many problems.”

“Well…”

“Dang, she pushed and pushed.”

“I know.”

“She kept on going when she thought she couldn’t. Dana was amazing.” Luke smiled at his cousin.

“You know, I think of how our mothers did when they gave birth. How they must have felt when they saw us. They would give anything for us.” Bo sighed.

“Your mother gave up her life for me.” Luke put a hand on his cousins shoulder. Now friends, don’t worry about Bo. He is thrilled to have his cousin. Got to love the love in Hazzard County.

THE END.