by: Susan

  //Rosco’s arrested the boys again – along with Jessica, this time – on another trumped up charge, and he’s locked all three of them in the cells.//

 

“Shoot, now how’re we gonna get out of this one?” Bo was fretting, pacing up and down the small cell.

“Oh, we’ll think of something, Cuz, we always do.” Luke sat on the bunk, and looked up as his cousin stopped  pacing and turned to him, excitedly

“Hey!”

“What?”

“Maybe we could pretend one of us was sick, and get Rosco in here. We haven’t pulled that one for a while. Then we could grab his keys, and…” his voice trailed off at the skeptical look on his cousin’s face.

“Bo! Do you really think even Rosco’s gonna fall for that? One of us just gettin’ conveniently sick – right after he’s locked us in here?”

Bo’s face fell. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Umm…” He was interrupted by a sound from the next cell.

“Ha-hem.” Jessica, lying full length on her mattress, cleared her throat and looked at the rather grubby ceiling, an innocent expression on her face. “Do you  two happen to remember what I do for a living?”

“Well, sure. You’re…” Luke broke off and looked at his cousin, grins dawning on both their faces.

“I’m a professional actress.” She confirmed, and turned her head to look at them, smiling. “And no offense to your Sheriff, but he doesn’t exactly strike me as being the brightest candle in the box…”

Bo snorted as Luke muttered “You got that right!”

“Well then, if I can’t persuade him that I’m sick – then I’ll give up acting and go get a job flipping burgers, somewhere!”

Both Dukes started to chuckle and Luke asked “Ok. So how are we gonna work this?”

“Well… Maybe we can tell him I’ve got asthma, and I’m having trouble breathing.”

“Asth..” Luke was momentarily confused by her pronounciation of the word, it being significantly different from the American*. “Asthma! Ok. And you don’t have any medicine with you?”

“It’s in my bag. Upstairs. You remember – he confiscated it when we came in.”

“Okaaay… And when he brings your purse in… Hang on a minute. What if he just opens your purse and brings your medicine down here? He could just hand it to you through the bars. He wouldn’t even need his keys.”

Patiently “Well, first of all, I don’t really have asthma, so he won’t be able to find it…”

“And besides, cuz,” Bo broke in “Can you really imagine Rosco, digging around in a lady’s purse? For any reason?”

Luke laughed “You got a point there!”

Jessica grinned “Ok. So he brings my bag to me in here – because I’m going to be waay too sick to come and get it!”

“Then…”

“Then…” She shrugged. “We can take things from there. Ok?”

“Ok!” Both boys were grinning, as the young woman curled up into a ball on her bunk, and took a couple of deep breaths, before starting to cough. A coughing fit that lasted long enough for Luke to almost start getting concerned for real, and which ended in a series of painful-sounding wheezes, and a whispered “Go!”

 

 “ROSCO!” “ROSCO!” 

 

//Both the boys started yelling just as loud as they could – and let me tell you, those boys have both got real good lungs. Comes o’ clean livin’ and not smokin’ cigarettes I’d say. Anyways, they nearly raised the roof off. Or they would’ve done, if they hadn’t a been in the basement.// 

 

“ROSCO!”  They didn’t let up until the sheriff appeared in the cell-block’s doorway
“Now then, what’s all o’ this noise? Shame on you, makin’ such a racket when ah’m trying to take a nap, – ah mean, do mah paperwork!”

“Jessica’s sick, Rosco. She needs a doctor!” Luke told him, urgently.

“Oh, pish-tush” Rosco was offended “You really think I’m stupid enough to fall for that one? That’s got whiskers on it longer than your Uncle Jesse’s!”

“Rosco, she’s got asthma!”

“Yeah. The dust in here’s set it off. You know, you really ought to clean up down here, a bit more often.” Bo looked around the small room, as the woman in the next cell started to cough again.

“Sheriff.” she managed between ragged, laboured breaths. “My… medication. It’s… in my… bag.” She closed her eyes for a moment before looking up at him pleadingly “Please… Sheriff…” She started to cough again.

“Shoot!”  //Rosco looked at Jessica, who was wheezing and coughing, and fairly obviously having trouble breathin’ – apparently in the throes of a full-blown asthma attack – and looked back at the boys, securely locked in their cell next door, then turned and headed for the stairs.// 

“Alright, darlin. You just… just hold on there, now. I’ll be right back!”

As soon as he was out of sight both the Dukes started to laugh. “You really got him. He really believes you’re sick.”

“Hey!” Luke spoke “If I hadn’t known better, I’d’ve believed her, too.” He looked the woman “You’re good!”

She raised her head “Quiet! He’ll hear you! And this is what I do, remember? – But thankyou!”  She grinned at him, briefly, before resuming her curled and wheezing posture on the bunk, just as Rosco came back in with her purse in one hand, and his set of cell keys in the other.

“Here we go, honey. You’re gonna be okay, now!” He said soothingly as he fumbled with unlocking her cell door. “I got your purse right here, and you’re gonna be just fine!”  He stepped inside and placed the bag on the bunk, next to the supposedly ill young woman.

Jessica shakily undid the clasp and opened the purse, sliding her hand inside and pulling out, not medicine, but a gun – which she trained on the uniformed man in front of her. Sitting up, now without a trace of a wheeze or a cough, she slid her feet over the edge of the low bunk and stood, turning, the gun never wavering from it’s aim at Rosco’s chest.

“Sit down. On the bunk, there.” As he complied, she added with a small, cool, smile “That’s a good Sheriff!”

“Jessica…” Luke, in the next cell, hadn’t been expecting this, and he and Bo had both turned pale, shocked by the turn events had taken.

“Quiet! I’ll get to you two in a minute.” She kept her eyes on Rosco, taking the key ring that was still in his hand “I’ll take these – thank you! And I might just take this, too.” She slid his gun out of it’s holster. “Just in case. I don’t want anybody getting hurt, after all.”

“Jessica!” Luke’s voice was more forceful this time.

The young woman ignored him, as she slung her bag over her shoulder and backed out of the cell, locking the door on the Sheriff, who was still sitting on the bunk, with his hands raised. “Right. Now for you two.” She tucked both guns in her purse and unlocked the door of the other cell. “Come on.” As the boys hesitated she said, “Look, do you two want out, or not? Come on!”

 

//The boys reluctantly followed her out as Rosco, locked in the next cell, found his voice.//

 

  “You Duke Boys! You planned this! You knew she had a gun in there, an’ you deliberately set out to trap me! Khoo, khoo, I’m going to have you two in jail for this, for so long, you’re gonna forget what the outside world looks like!”

Jessica led the boys out through the door leading to the main office stairs, shutting it behind them, and stopped at Luke’s hand on her arm. “Jessica that was not funny!”

“Yeah,” Bo added “Rosco may not be too bright, but he is a police officer. You can get into real trouble for pulling a gun on him like that.”

Jessica just smiled at both men “First of all, that’s not a real gun. It’s a movie prop.” She held up a hand as both boys started to speak “Humour me, ok. Just for a minute? Please?” Her smile turned impish “Luke, when I say ‘Go’, can you just call out “Aaaand CUT! Just like that?” Luke started to say something but she pointed a finger at him and said “Go!”

Luke frowned suspiciously, but did as she asked “Aaand CUT!”

Jessica clapped her hands together, loudly, as he finished speaking. “Great!” She opened the door leading back to the cells and crossed to Rosco, who was standing now, and holding onto the bars of his cell. She unlocked his door and smiled up at him. “That was great, Sheriff! Thankyou so much for co-operating with us!”

“Co-oper… You mean you was filmin’ that? Rosco’s head came up “I’m gonna be in the movies? I’m gonna be in the movies!” He raised his chin even further and straightened his shoulders as he took the gun the woman held out to him, and absently holstered it, a smug expression starting to play across his face. “I’m gonna be in the movies! Kheee! I’m gonna be a Movie Star!”

“Well… that was just a rehearsal. We weren’t actually filming – but you did really well. Have you ever done any acting before?”

“We-ell,” Rosco tried to look modest “I’ve usually had a part in the Hazzard County Dramatic Society’s play, every year.”

 

//Now what Rosco didn’t mention was that his part was usually backstage, somewheres. He was such a ham that nobody would put up with him, out front.//

 

“Well, you did really well. I think you’re a natural at this.” Rosco’s chest started to puff up as Jessica led him back towards the main office.

They passed the boys, who were trying to keep straight faces at the way Rosco was being buttered up, but not really succeeding. Rosco spotted them and turned, a suspicious look on his face.

“You Duke boys… That’s why you had me arrest you! You wasn’t really doin’ anythin’ wrong at all! It was all part of this movie scenar, scenari.. thing.”

“That’s right, Rosco.” Bo assured him, his grin widening  “Jessica, here, wanted to see how you did as a sheriff, and we…” Rosco cut him off with a snort.

“Hmph. Well, I did ‘Real Well’! I’m gonna be in the movies!” He turned his head and posed for a moment, muttering “I wonder which side will look better? The left or the right?” and “Rosco P. Coltrane – Movie Star. I like it, I like it!” before catching sight of the boys again, and frowning. “What are you two still doin’ standin’ around here for? Go on, get!”

“Sure Rosco. Come on, Bo.”

 

//Luke caught his cousin’s arm, and they both headed outside, where, as soon as they were out of earshot of the Sheriff’s office, they both doubled over, laughing fit to bust.//

 

“Can you believe that?” Bo was the first to find his voice again.

“I can’t believe Rosco actually fell for it!”

“He’s such a “natural actor”! Heck, Rosco couldn’t act his way out of a Paper Bag!”

“And now he thinks he’s gonna be a movie star!” Both of them started laughing again.

“Well, some people will believe anything, when it comes to show business. Movies in particular.” //Jessica had come up behind them, having made some excuse and gotten away from the starry-eyed Rosco.//

 

“Huh.” Luke turned to look at her “You know, you really had us both going, with that gun you pulled.”

“Yeah, You could have at least of warned us.”

Jessica had the grace  to look embarrassed “Well, you might have said no, and that would have spoiled the whole thing!”

“Even so…”

“I am an actress you know!” She looked at her watch “And I’m going to be an actress that’s late on set, if she doesn’t get a move on!” She grinned and winked at the boys “I’ll see you both later!” and started off down the street.

Bo started to chuckle again as he watched her leave. “Sheriff Rosco Coltrane, Movie Star!”

Luke’s laughter joined his. “Yeah, right! Come on, Cuz.” They moved off in the opposite direction to the woman, still chuckling.

//They was looking forward to telling Uncle Jesse and Daisy about this one. Rosco P. Coltrane: Movie Star! Heck, it was enough to make a cat laugh!.//

 

………………………………………………………

 

Later, Boss caught Rosco posing in front of the mirror.

“Rosco, what are you doin’?”

Rosco explained and added “She said I was a natchural actor!”

“You knucklehead, you couldn’t act your way out of a closet! Now come on, we got work to do!”

 

Finis

 

—————————————————————

 

*Americans pronounce the word Asthma as almost a single aspirant, with a long initial syllable. The English (And most Australians) pronounce it with a short A (as in maths) and an emphasis on the first syllable. Aths-ma, instead of Aaathsma. I know it confused the heck out of me, the first time I heard the word pronounced in an American movie!

 

ii :  This was supposed to finish with the Balladeer’s comment, but Boss, as usual, insisted on having the last word! Lol!

 

by: Susan

A couple of days after Jessica had returned Daisy’s dress, the boys were in town, doing errands and they came past where the film people were set up in the middle of the town square. There they saw Jessica again. Sitting in the shade of a tree, reading a bunch of papers she held in her hand. Bo was all for going over to say hello, but for some reason, Luke was holding back.

“Bo, she ain’t gonna wanna talk to us. She’s a movie star.”

“She talked to us the other day.” Bo pointed out.

“She didn’t exactly have a lot of choice.” Luke responded. “it was either talk to us, or stay where she was – without any shoes.”

Bo just looked at his cousin for a moment and then raised his voice “Hey, Jessica!”

 

//Well, Jessica looked up, and danged if her face didn’t light up like the 4th o’ July, when she saw who was callin’ her. She hopped on up, put her papers down, and came right on over to where the boys was standin’, a big smile on her face. So much for the snobby movie star! //

 

“Hi Bo, Luke!” The young woman shook hands happily, with both of them, before asking slightly worriedly. “Hey, did Daisy get her dress back, ok? Ian said he’d dropped it off, but…”

“Shoot, yeah, she got it back.” Bo said “She was real touched that you’d had it washed and specially delivered like that.”

“Yeah, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Well, it was easier than putting it aside where it would get forgotten about, and never returned.”

“Hey, why didn’t you tell us you was a movie star, anyway?”

The girl blushed embarrassedly. “I’m not really a star.” She protested.

“You’re starrin’ in this movie.” Bo pointed out.

“Well, yeah, but this my first really big part. I don’t really qualify as a star. Not yet.” She grinned, making it fairly obvious that she had plans in that direction, though.

“Close enough for me!” Bo grinned back at her.

  At that moment somebody called her name, and looking around, Jessica waved at them, and told the boys she had to go. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to work.” She grimaced. “It was really nice meeting you both again, though!”

She turned and waved again at another shout, and excused herself. “Look, I really do have to run, but I hope I’ll see you again. We’ll be here for a while, and, well, Hazzard doesn’t seem all that big….” She gave them both a grin, and a wink, before adding “See ya!” as she ran and got the papers she’d been reading, then took off in the direction the shouts had come from.

 

  //Huh. Like I said, before, them film folks can’t seem to sit still for even five minutes. I must admit, it might make for interestin’. Everybody hoppin’ around like jackrabbits, things’d never get boring, –  but, y’ know, I think I prefer the way things are done in Hazzard. It’s a mite slower, but it still never seems to get boring, somehow.//

 

Bo and Luke just looked at each other, and shook their heads. Bo was grinning.

“Well, I guess she’s got work to do, same as we have. Strange, you know, I never really thought of movie stars as workin’ all that hard.”

“Yeah, well, she ain’t a star. She said so. – And speaking of work, we’d better get movin’, ourselves, or Uncle Jesse’s gonna start wonderin’ what’s happened to us.” Luke clapped his cousin on the back, and they moved off towards the General Lee and home.

 

//Both of ’em grinnin’ like fools. But then I guess knowin’ you’ve made a friend’ll do that. Well, it will in Hazzard, anyway.//

by: Susan

The Beginning – Pt 1.

 

// The boys had just finished up some fencing chores, down near where the film people were set up and they was headed back to the pickup, past a stand of trees on the edge o’ the creek, when they heard somebody cussin’. Usin’ a few bad words, and quite a lot of imagination – “Son of a mangy cow-dog” bein’ one of the milder terms – but what really caught their attention was that the person doin’ the cussin’ – was a woman! //

 

Bo was the first one to speak “Am I hearing things, Cuz, or…”

“Well, if you are, then so am I. The lady sounds kind of annoyed about somethin’.”

The woman speaking had stopped at the sound of their voices, and now stepped out from the trees, revealing herself to be a small, but shapely blonde, somewhere in her twenties. Clad in jeans and a loose shirt.

“Um… I’m sorry.” The blonde flushed as she apologized “I didn’t realize anybody was here.” She had a clear voice, with a slight, unidentifiable, accent.

“Hey, that’s ok.” Bo grinned “Nothing we haven’t heard before. Heck, I’ve used a few words occasionally, myself.”

“Yeah, and I remember the first time Uncle Jesse caught you doing it, too.” Responded his cousin “You couldn’t sit down for three days.”

The young woman giggled as Bo blushed red.

Luke smiled “I’m Luke Duke and this my cousin, Bo. We were catching up on some chores, when we heard you cussin’. Can I ask what’s wrong?”

“Yeah, is there anything we can do to help?” Bo always recovered quickly, from just about anything, when faced with a pretty girl.

She grimaced “Well… Not really. I’m with the film crew, as you’ve probably realised. A couple of the guys thought it would be funny to strand me out here, when everyone went back to town. I’m Jessica, by the way” She added, almost as an afterthought. “But I’m mostly called Jess.”

“Pleased to meet you Jess.” Bo smiled

“Same here. And it’s a bit too far for you to walk back to town, too.” Luke sympathised.

“Yeah, and I haven’t got any shoes either.” She held up one small bare foot.

“Shoot! Now that ain’t funny!” Bo exchanged a look with Luke “You could get bit or somethin’, wandering around out here without any shoes on!” Both men were serious, now.

“Oh, they’ll be back. Like I said, it’s just a prank. An annoying one, but … just a prank. I guess I’ll just have to wait for them.” She sighed “I wish I didn’t. They’ll be sniggering about this all week.”

“Well, heck, why don’t you come on home with us? We don’t live far away, and you can call someone to come and get you.”

“Yeah, maybe they can bring you out some shoes, too. Daisy – our other cousin – might be able to loan you something, but I think her feet are bigger than yours.” Bo looked down.

Jess bit her lip “Well…”

“Hey.” Luke held up both hands, his eyes twinkling “We’re harmless! Really! We live with our cousin Daisy, and our Uncle Jesse, just a few minutes that way.” He nodded in the direction of the farmhouse. “This is our land you’re standing on, right now.”

“Yeah – and our Uncle Jesse’d have our hides if we left you out here all alone! You don’t want us to get into trouble, now, do you?”” Bo put on his best “Lost little boy” look, pouting slightly and ducking his head, looking at her through his eyelashes. The young woman succumbed immediately – as he’d fully expected she would.

“Alright. I’ll trust you.” she said laughing, “I don’t really have a lot of choice, do I? I mean” she added, an exaggeratedly innocent look on her face “You’re both bigger than me, after all.” Bo and Luke laughed.

“Well, come on,” Luke said “The pickup’s just over here.”

The three of them started towards the truck, and Jessica’s eyes widened as a thought struck her. “You know, those two are going to have a fit when they come back and find I’m not here.” She bit her lip, again, and giggled.

“Those two?”

“Oh, I know exactly who’s responsible for this. And when they come back looking for me, they’re not going to be able to find me.” She smiled up at Bo, an unholy gleam in her eyes. “It’s perfect!”

“Okaay…” The boys exchanged another look, as they came up to the truck. “Here we go.” Bo opened the passenger door, as Luke went round to the other side. “You want to sit in the middle? Or by the door – so’s you can get out if we try somethin’?” He teased.

She looked at him and then across at Luke and smiled “I think I’ll sit in the middle, if you don’t mind?”

“Sure. You manage?”

“I think so.” She climbed up and slid across the seat, next to Luke, making sure her knee was out of the way of the gearshift. She smiled to herself as she snugged down in her seat, sandwiched between the two much bigger, good-looking, men.

A minute or so after they’d started off, Bo spoke “Jessica?”

“Mmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“That accent. I don’t think I’ve ever heard one like it before.”

“I have.” Luke looked over from the driver’s side. “It’s Australian, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.” She smiled delightedly.

“I thought so. I did a stint in the marines, and one of the guys I served with had an accent kinda like yours.”

Jessica laughed as Bo said “Wow! You’re a ways from home!”

“Oh, not really. I mostly live over here, now, so…” She shrugged as they pulled up in front of the farmhouse.

 

Uncle Jesse was outside, and turned to watch as Bo helped Jessica down from the truck “Watch your feet now, Honey”

“Bo. Luke. Who’s your friend?”

Luke made the introductions “Uncle Jesse, this is Jessica. Jessica, this is our Uncle, Jesse Duke. We found Jessica down by the creek, where the film crew are working. Apparently a couple of the guys thought it’d be funny to go off and leave her there. Without any shoes!”

“No shoes? That’s not a good idea, down there.” he turned to the woman “I’m pleased to meet you, Miss…”

She smiled “I’m Jessica. Please. And it’s nice to meet you too, Mr Duke. Umm… Luke said I might be able to use your phone. Call someone to tell them where I am, maybe get them to bring some shoes out for me. I’ll pay for the call, of course.”

“Pah. A phone call don’t cost anything. Come on in. Luke’ll show you where it is, and then you can join us for lunch, while you’re waiting. Bo, go and tell your cousin we’ve got a guest.”

“Yes Sir.” They were on the porch by now, and Bo winked at the young woman and ducked inside, leaving Luke to hold the door and follow the other two in.

“Oh! I don’t want to intrude, Mr Duke. I can make the call and wait outside, here. It shouldn’t take long.”

“No you can’t!” Jesse turned to look at her “You’ll come and sit down and have something to eat like a civilised human being. We’ve got plenty. One more’s no trouble.” His expression softened, as he smiled “And you can call me Jesse. Most of the young ‘uns do, anyway.” he added half under his breath.

“Yes Sir – and thankyou.” She smiled and gave in graciously as they came into the kitchen and she was introduced to Daisy. The circumstances of her stranding being explained once again, by Bo, as Luke showed her the phone in the next room.

Daisy noted, as she went past, that the other woman had torn her shirt, and when she came back, she made sure to mention it.

 

“Honey, did you realise you’ve torn your shirt?” she gestured towards the other woman’s shoulder and the rip in her blouse.

Jessica craned her neck around to look “Oh, drat! No I didn’t realise. It must have happened when I took that header, earlier.”

“You took a header? Into what?”

“Oh, I got shoved in the creek.” She grinned “I’m mostly dried out, now, though. But that’s why I wasn’t wearing any shoes.” She grimaced “I took them off before I went wading – and before I got “accidently” shoved in.”

“Sugar, you can’t sit around in wet things! You’ll catch your death!”

Jessica turned back to Daisy. “Oh, it’s alright. Like I said, it’s warm out there, and I dried out pretty quick.”

“Even so.” Daisy looked at her cousins “Can one of you just keep an eye on this? It’s almost done.” At Luke’s “Sure” she turned back to the other woman.

“I’ll find you something dry. Come on. I’m a lttle taller than you, but I’m sure we can find something!”

“Oh, look, I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“It’s no trouble! You can drop it back, the next time you’re filmin’ out this way. Now, come on.”

 

  //Daisy wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer, and she led the other girl upstairs, where they sorted out a clean dress that was a little small on Daisy, and put a belt around the middle, to keep it from flopping around and to make it fit right.

  They couldn’t find any shoes – Bo had been right, Daisy’s feet were a couple of sizes larger than Jessica’s – but that didn’t matter so much, as she said somone was bringing some out for her, anyway. By the time they got back downstairs, lunch was ready, so Jessica sat down to eat with the Dukes, both boys admirin’ her ‘new look’ and flirtin’ with her, like they would any pretty girl, until she just felt right at home.

 

 

************************************************************************************************

 

 

 

Pt 2

A litte later, just as they were all finishing up eating, a car swung into the yard, outside. Bo got up, being nearest the door. “I’ll go. It’s probably your shoes.” he winked at the young woman he’d made sure to sit next to.

She grinned back. “Probably.”

It turned out to be another small blonde, much the same size as Jessica, and wearin’ sunglasses and a cap, with the visor pulled down low, to keep the sun off.

 “Hi.” She said as she got out of the car “I was lookin’ for the Duke Farm?”  

//Now her accent was one that Bo recognized straight away. A soft Southern drawl. Thick and slow as molasses in January.//

 

“You found it.” Bo offered his hand “I’m Bo Duke. And you’re looking for Jessica, am I right?” He nodded at the boots she held in her other hand.

The woman laughed as they shook. “Yep. That’s right! I’m Julia – and I guess these do give things away a little!”

Bo grinned and gestured towards the door. “Hey, Come on in.”

Julia pulled her glasses off as she went in, and pushed her hat back on her head. Bo followed her in and motioned toward the kitchen, calling out as they entered, “Hey Jessica! Your shoes are here!”

Jessica didn’t even turn around. She just laughed and said “Hi Julia!” adding “I can tell who it is from Luke’s reaction!”

 

//Luke had been sitting across from Jessica, who had her back to the door, so he got a good look at the newcomer as she came in. His eyes nearly popped out of his head, as he did a double take, looking at the two women, and swallowed hard in astonishment.//

 

Both women were giggling by now, Julia sobering enough to say “I brought your boots, honey.”

“Thanks!”

“You’re twins!” Luke finally found his voice

“Twins?” Bo, coming in behind her, hadn’t had a good look at the newcomer without her sunglasses on. Now, she turned and smiled up at him. His “Shoot!” making both women laugh even harder.

“Actually”, from Jessica, who had bent down and was pulling on the shoes the other woman had handed her “We’re not even related, as far as we know.”

“That’s right.” Confirmed Julia “We’re just a bit alike is all.”

“A bit?” Daisy’d been watching from the other side of the table, next to Luke “Sugar, you two’re as alike as two peas in a pod!”

The two women exchanged glances “Well, it doesn’t hurt that we’re made up to look like each other.”

“Wow!”

“So you’re both actresses, then.” Luke was grinning, himself, now.

“No, not exactly. I’m an actress.” Jessica sat up

“And I’m her double. I do all the other stuff – the things that they don’t want her gettin’ into!”

Jessica stuck out her tongue and told the table at large “She’s older than me, anyway. And bigger!”

Julia just smiled smugly “Jealous Heart!”

“Now, ladies!” Jesse was chuckling, down at the end of the table. Really, it was just like having young un’s around again.

“Sorry, Mr Duke.” Jessica made introductions all around. “This is Julia McCrae.” Waving her hand at the others in turn “That was Bo who let you in. That’s his cousins, Luke and Daisy Duke, and their Uncle, Mr Jesse Duke.”

“I’m pleased to meet y’all. – But we really do have to get goin’ Jess. Everyone’s in a bit of a flap about you goin’ missin’.” Julia added to the younger woman, who just snorted.

“What’d those two do when they found out I wasn’t where they’d left me, anyway? It was Billy, wasn’t it, that was responsible? And Mitch? ”

//Julia just gave her an old-fashioned kinda look and said “Who else?”, adding that Paul – Paul Davis, apparently, their director – had wanted to speak to her about something when they got back to town, and had nearly had three fits, when he realised she wasn’t there.//

“He knew immediately who was responsible, of course, and I dunno what he said to those two, but whatever it was, it had ’em headed back out like their backsides was on fire!”

There was general laughter at that, with a “Serves them right” from Luke.

“Mmmm, they’d told everyone that she was with someone else, so no-one realised at first – and that was before we got your phone call, hon, so people were a bit worried.”

“What’d they do, when they couldn’t find me?”

“Well, I don’t know, exactly, but from the fact that they didn’t radio in until just before I left, and I’d had to go and get you somethin’ to wear, I’d say they must have spent a good ten minutes searching that little patch of ground for you.”

//This provoked more laughter, especially when they told the Dukes exactly where they’d been filmin’ – just a little bit of cleared ground, about a hundred yards square, round about the trees where the boys had found her .//

“Anyway, they called in, scared out of their wits, and Paul told them that you’d gotten a lift with some locals, so they should get back to town. Which is what we’d better be doin’ too.

” It was nice meetin’ y’all.” She added as, they both got up to leave, Jessica thanking everyone for their hospitality, and the Dukes assuring her that she was very welcome, and that she could come back any time. Daisy saying, again, that Jessica could just drop off the dress next time she was out that way, as the other women took their leave.

 

 

—————————————————————————————–

 

Epilogue

 

   //Well, that borrowed dress came right back to Daisy the very next day, all cleaned up and pressed. An it brought a surprise with it, too – With the Dukes findin’ out just who they’d been entertainin’ the day before. //

Luke was just finishing up with some chores the next morning, when a car pulled into the yard, and a stranger got out. A casually dressed young fellow of about eighteen. “Hi.” He responded to Luke’s greeting. “I was looking for a Miss Daisy Duke.” He held up a small package in one hand.

“Sure. She’s inside. Come on in.”

Luke showed the stranger inside, trying to keep his curiosity in check, and through to the kitchen, where Daisy was just getting ready to leave for the Boar’s Nest. “Hey Daisy, you’ve got a visitor.”

“Me?” Daisy turned around.

“Miss Daisy Duke?” The young man smiled

“That’s me, Mr..?”

“I’m Ian Bradshaw, but I’m just the messenger. I was asked to drop this off to you.” His smiled widened as he handed over the packet in his hand.

“You got a secret admirer, Daisy?” Bo teased, from across the room.

“Well, it’s not me, I’m afraid. Though if I’d known how pretty you were…” Bradshaw said, gazing at her admiringly

 //’An’ you know, I can’t really say as I blame him, either. Daisy sure is pretty.//

Daisy blushed as she took the package. “Thankyou, Mr Bradshaw.”

“It’s Ian. And…” he tore his gaze away from Daisy long enough to look at his watch “You’re very welcome, but I can’t stay, I’m afraid. I hope it’s something nice, though.”

//Them film folks always seem to be in a hurry. Just can’t set down for even five minutes. If they weren’t city folks, that’d be downright rude.//

“You can’t stay for a cup of coffee?” Luke offered

“No, I’m sorry.” he took another, regretful, look at Daisy, who had stopped wrestling with the string on the package, long enough to look up. “I really do have to get back. But it was nice meeting you all. Especially you, Miss Duke.”

“It’s Daisy.” Her warm smile caused him to redden in his turn. “And thankyou very much!”

“You’re very welcome” he turned away reluctantly, still blushing, as Luke showed him back out to his car.

 

…………………………

 

Luke came back in just in time to hear Daisy ask Bo to pass her the scissors off the dresser.

//She was all excited, like a kid at Christmas – even though it was only July – and she was too impatient to mess around any longer. Fair enough, I suppose. Unexpected packages don’t come a girl’s way every day.//

  Daisy got the package open at last, and pulled out the contents. “It’s a dress!” Bo was confused. Who’d be sending his cousin a dress?

“It’s the one I loaned to Jessica yesterday.” she responded, and picked up a note from the wrapping.

 

  “Daisy,

  Thankyou so much for the loan.

  I’ve had it washed, so it’s clean.

  Thankyou,

  J.”

 

“Well, hey, that’s nice of her.” Bo smiled

“Yeah, she didn’t have to have it sent out. She could’ve just dropped it off next time she was out this way – And having it washed, too!” Daisy was touched.

“Hey, you dropped somethin’.” Luke bent and picked up a piece of paper that had fluttered to the floor. “It’s a photo.”

//And a photo, it was. Of Jessica, their guest from the day before, all gussied up and lookin’ fine.//

  Bo looked at the signature scrawled across the bottom of it “Jessica Mason.”

“Jessica Mason?” Luke looked over at his cousin. “But she’s the actress that’s starrin’ in that film they’re makin.”

 “Yeah, well, that’s what it says. An’ that’s sure her.” Bo nodded at the photo that Daisy now held. “An’ you know”, he added slowly, after a moment “She never did get around to tellin’ us her other name, yesterday.”

All three cousins looked at each other “Shoot!”

 

—————————————————————————————–

—————————————————————————————–

 

Note: Yes, as most of you, I’m sure, will work out fairly quickly, this is a mild Mary Sue. Hopefully not too bad. (There’s no mushy stuff, for instance! Lol! Neither Bo nor Luke fall violently in love – or even in lust – with me. *Sad Sigh* ) I am a professional actress when I can get the work, but, yes, I have fudged on a few things. For instance: Movie location shooting is usually only the outdoor scenes. Most scenes taking place indoors would be shot back at the studio, on specially constructed sets. Not always, but a lot of the time. – Unless they’ve hired a historic house of some kind, perhaps.

Also, nobody would dare pull the kind of dangerous pranks I describe, especially on the stars. They’d be fired so quickly it’d make their heads spin!  (Unless, of course, they were one of the other stars. Who could still be fined or even suspended, if things got out of hand.)

Pranks pulled on actors by their colleagues are quite common, but they’re usually far milder / less harmful / have far less consequences than anything described here. Filming for movies or TV is a very expensive, very serious business, and the principals are well aware of it. Doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with the fics, though! *Grin*

 

—————————————————————————————–

by: Susan

//It all started when Jesse got the letter from the film company. Apparently they was going to be filmin’ in Hazzard, and they wanted to rent some of Jesse’s land.//

Luke choked on a mouthful of coffee “They’re offerin’ how much?”

“A hundred dollars a day, it says here.” His uncle responded. “‘Course they say they may only want it for a couple of days. It depends on how filmin’ goes, apparently.”

“Even so.” Bo was as astonished as his cousin. “That’s still a heck of a lotta money, Unce Jesse! I presume you’ll be takin’ them up on it?”

“I’ll think about it.” was the cautious reponse.

“Think about it? Uncle Jesse! It’s just that little half-acre o’ land down by the fenceline with the Murchison’s! We ain’t usin’ it for anything, and we sure could use the money.”

“Well, now, I just want to talk to a few people, before I go gettin’ my hopes up.” Jesse eyed his impetuous younger nephew seriously, as he re-folded the letter “Like you say, it’s a whole lotta money for not very much, and I want to make sure it ain’t just somebody playin’ some kind a’ practical joke.” He tucked the letter back into it’s envelope and looked up at the boys.

“Now, if you two’ve finished eatin’, I think you got chores to do, don’t ya?”

“Yeah, we do. C’mon, Bo.” Luke pushed back his chair, and clapped his cousin on the shoulder, before they both headed out the door.

//Well, now ol’ Jesse got on the phone, and the CB, and he went into town to talk to a few people, and the upshot was that it seemed to be a serious offer. A few other people, including Ira Murchison, had had similar offers, and the town was buzzin’ with talk of a film actually bein’ made right there in Hazzard. A lot of people was real excited – A few of them even dreamin’ of Hollywood talent scouts, and careers on the big screen.

O’ course, all a that came to nothing. It was a month or so before filmin’ even started, and most folks had forgotten all about it, by then.//

by: Susan

Luke was dropping some stuff off around the back of the courthouse when he saw them. Jessica, and a man a few years older than her. Brown-haired and clean shaven, and somewhat taller than the little blonde. Probably close to his own six foot he reckoned. Slim, and muscular, and wearing jeans and a plaid shirt, he was standing a little bit closer to Jessica than was really, strictly, necessary.

   //Now, Jess was lookin’ at this fella like he was the captain of the football team, and he’d just asked her to the prom, and as Luke watched, the fella bent slightly, and puttin’ one arm around her, kissed her on the lips. Just a quick, gentle brush.

Ol’ Luke was about to turn away, not wanting to be a Peepin’ Tom or nothin’, when the sun flashed off of somethin’ on the fella’s hand, behind the girl’s back. A gold somethin – on his left hand… //

As Luke watched, momentarily startled, the stranger kissed Jessica again, deepening the kiss and prolonging it. //Now, he obviously knew what he was doin’, ’cause when they pulled apart, she looked kinda dazed. As if he’d hit her over the head with somethin’, instead of just kissin’ her like that.//

As Jessica looked up at her companion, she said something low, that Luke didn’t catch, and at the sound of her voice, the man’s face, which had been wearing a similar look to hers, fell all of a sudden. Becoming closed and almost angry, as he looked away from her.

She looked stricken “What’s wrong? Did I…”

“No, sweetheart, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He cut her off, his voice deep. Louder and harsher than hers. “No” He repeated, as she started to say something else, her expression confused, and suddenly unhappy. “I’m the one…” He put a hand under her chin, tipping it up so that her eyes met his, and gently running his thumb over her cheek, before taking a deep breath.

“No. Now, come on, let’s get you back to your Mama. She’ll be wonderin’ where you are.” He put a gentle hand on her back and steered her off in the opposite direction to where Luke was standing.

// Luke stood for a moment longer, takin’ in what he’d seen, and then shook his head and went back to what he’d been doing. The others had gone, and it really wasn’t any of his business, anyway – and besides, he had things to do.

  A little later, he joined Bo at the bar of the Boar’s Nest and they both ordered beers. Bo mentioned that Jessica was there, and that she seemed to have found a friend.//

“That’s her boyfriend.” Luke didn’t exactly sound thrilled. More than a bit disgusted, in fact.

“Her boyfriend?”

“Yeah. I saw them together. Earlier. When I was dropping off that stuff round the back of the courthouse, for Ms Lulu. They were kissin’.”

Bo chuckled “Ok. So… what? You never seen two people kiss before?”

Luke lowered his voice so it wouldn’t carry. “Bo! He’s married!”

“What? Married?”

“Yeah.” Luke looked uncomfortable. “I wasn’t exactly watchin’, but I couldn’t help noticin’ his ring. The way the sun flashed off it, an all.”

“Shoot!”

“Yeah.”

“I wonder if she knows?”

“Well, he wasn’t exactly hidin’ it, so I guess she does.”

//Ol’ Luke was kind of disappointed. He’d liked the little blonde, and the thought that she was fooling around with a married man, well, it just didn’t feel real good to him. Not to mention the fella – cheatin’ on his wife like that. Jesse’d brought those boys up real strict, and well, seein’ first hand, as it were, the other two foolin around like that – it just didn’t set quite right with either of them.//

 

………………………………………………

 

The two of them decided to take their beers over to a table, and as they passed where the actors were sitting, a hand caught Luke’s arm.

“Bo! Luke!”

“Hi, Jessica.” Not wanting to seem unfriendly, they both responded to the young woman’s greeting, and smiled as she introduced her companion.

“This is Josh Collins. My co-star. Josh, this is Bo and Luke Duke. They’re the ones who gave me a lift when Billy and Mitch decided to take off and leave me behind, the other day.”

“Hey, yeah. I heard about that. Thanks for helping her out.” The man stood and held out a hand to the two Dukes which they both took, returning the offered handshake.

//He seemed like a nice enough fella, and what people got up to on their own time, really wasn’t the Dukes’ business, so when Josh asked them to share his and Jessica’s table, the boys figured ‘Well, why not?’ and joined them both.//

“Look, why don’t you sit with us? There’s plenty of room.”

“Yeah, I’ll even shout the next round, if you like.” Jessica smiled, and as they all sat down, the Dukes exchanged glances.

“Ah, look,” Luke began “I’m sure you and your boyfriend have got better things to do, than…”

“What?” The girl looked startled. “Boyfriend? Josh isn’t my boyfriend! And besides, he’s married, anyway.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

Luke looked at the other man, who was looking as confused as his colleague. “You’re not wearing a ring now, but you were earlier.”

“Earlier?” Josh frowned

“Yeah.” Luke grimaced, uncomfortably. “Round behind the courthouse. I was droppin’ some stuff off, an’ well, I wasn’t actually looking, but I… couldn’t help seeing the two of you. You looked pretty friendly.”

  //The two actors started goin’ red, and as they looked at each other, they started to laugh. Hard. The fella chucklin’, and droppin his head, puttin’ a hand over his eyes and Jess clapping a hand over her mouth as she turned away, her shoulders shakin’, and looked at the the ceilin’. Both of them lookin’ pretty much anywhere but at Luke, in fact.//

“What’s so funny”

The two actors shared a glance at Bo’s question. Josh’s muttered “And here we thought we were being so private!” making the girl laugh even harder.

She managed to get herself (mostly) under control, and taking a deep breath, said “Luke, what you saw  was a rehearsal!”

“What?”

“A rehearsal?” Bo was as confused as his cousin

“Yeah.” Josh was grinning now, still chuckling slightly. “We were trying to find somewhere private to work out a particular scene. I guess it wasn’t quite as private as we thought.” He added, with a slightly chagrined glance at Jessica, which made her start giggling again.

“If we look on the bright side, though,” She responded “If we fooled Luke that way, we must have gotten things about right.”

 //They both started laughing again, this time, and Luke closed his mouth, which had been hanging open, with a snap.//

  “So… what I saw… that wasn’t actually for real?”

“Well, he did really kiss me, and he is pretty good at it…” A teasing glance at her colleague, who just grinned, “… but no, we’re not really ‘fooling around’, if that’s what you mean.”

“Apart from anything else,” Josh chimed in, “my wife’d have my head, if she thought I was doing anything like that – and besides,” His expression turned slightly sheepish. “Well, I wouldn’t want to cheat on her. She’s beautiful. I mean,” He looked at his colleague “No offense, Jess, but…”

“Hey, I don’t mind.” Jess put a hand on his wrist and gave it a quick squeeze. “Much better, that way, than being partnered with a creep! And you’ve got kids to think of, too.”

“You’ve got kids?”

//Now Josh’s grin returned, wider than ever, at Bo’s question. Still slightly sheepish, but more than a little proud.// “Yeah. We’ve got a little boy, Billy – he’s three – and we’re expecting another in just a couple of months.”

“Hey, wow!”

“Congratulations!”

 //Luke’s opinion o’ Josh had done a one hundred and eighty degree turn around, since he’d found out what had really been goin’ on, and, well, I must admit I’m kinda impressed, myself. The way some o’ these Hollywood folks behave, if you believe the papers, and then him sayin’ that he thinks his wife’s prettier than any o’ them starlets, and he wouldn’t want ta cheat on ‘er… Well, it kinda makes you think he must be a decent sorta fella, after all, don’t it?//

Jessica picked up her drink, again. “I wouldn’t encourage him, Luke. The next thing you know, he’ll be pulling out photos!”

“Well, now that you mention it…” Josh started to slide a hand towards his pocket and grinning, Jessica nudged him with her elbow. Hard.

“Stop it, you.”

“Ow!” He turned an aggrieved face to the Dukes “She’s picking on me!” He whined, pointing at Jess and making them both laugh.

“Aww… Poor baby!” She looked at the boys, over the rim of her glass “And he’s only twice my size, too!”

“Hey. Maybe you should pick on somebody your own size.” Bo teased.

Jessica just pulled a face. “But there’s nobody my size, here! Although you’re probably the skinniest…” She put down her glass, thoughtfully “Maybe I’ll pick on you instead!” She leaned across the table, grabbing for Bo, who scooted his chair back, laughing as hard as both Josh and Luke – who was nearly spilling his beer at the actors’ antics.

  //Now, things might have kept going in the same vein, but for Daisy coming over with a tray, to see if anybody wanted anything else to drink. Of couse she had to be introduced to Josh, and him bein’ a red-blooded fella, he made it plain he thought she was real pretty. Polite-like, and respectful, but admirin’ enough to make her blush, all the same.//

Everybody had another drink, and then the Oak Ridge Boys came in from the back.They’d been caught in one of Rosco’s speed traps, again, and they were doing a set at the Boar’s Nest to pay off the fine.

A space was cleared to one side of the bar for anybody who wanted to dance, and there were plenty of folk willing to take it up. After the first song, Josh got to his feet and approached Daisy, who was taking a quick break.

“Miss Duke? Would you do me the honour of dancing with me? Please?” He smiled down at her.

//Now, how could a girl say ‘no’ to that? Daisy gave him her hand and the two of them joined the couples on the floor, where Luke was partnering Jessica, Bo already having had a turn the first time out.//

 

………………………………………………………….

   Pt 2 : Headline News

 //The next day, Bo came in, grinning, with the morning newspaper.//  “Hey, Daisy, you made the paper!”

“What?” She turned around from the stove. “Bo, what are you…?

“Here.” Bo held out the newspaper, and there on the front page, was the headline “Movie Star Takes Local Waitress For A Spin” and a photo of her dancing with Josh the day before.

“Oh, my goodness!” Daisy grabbed the paper from her cousin, laughing and blushing at the same time.

“I guess you’re a celebrity now.” Luke had come in behind Bo. “Wonder what Enos is going to think about your new boyfriend?”

“Oh hush!” She swatted at her darker cousin, “Apart from anything else, Josh Collins is a married man.” Adding as she caught the scent of something scorching “And I’m going to burn the breakfast if you two don’t stop!”

She laid the paper on the table and turned back to the stove, blushing, as her cousins continued to tease.

“I wonder how much it’s going to cost to talk to her now?” From Luke “Now that she’s famous, and all.”

“I dunno, but maybe we’d better make the most of it while we can. While we’ve still got her here.” Bo snuck up behind Daisy and slid an arm around her waist, placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Oh, Bo, get off!” Daisy pushed him away with her elbow, while she shifted the frying pan off the heat.

“Yeah – before she goes flying off to Hollywood, with Mr Married Movie Star.” Luke came up on Daisy’s other side.

Daisy’d had enough “Do you two want to eat this breakfast or wear it?” She turned, the pan in her hand

Bo and Luke looked at each other, realising they’d taken things about as far as they could go, and answered meekly. “Eat it please!”

“Well, then, you two better sit down, and hush up.” Jesse was sitting at the kitchen table, quietly enjoying the whole thing “And stop teasin’ your cousin!”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Yes, Sir”

Jesse put an arm around Daisy as she served him “I think it’s a beautiful picture, sweetheart, and you’re just as pretty as any movie star.”

“Thankyou, Uncle Jesse.”

“And she cooks better, too.” Bo started sniffing the air, waiting for Daisy to join them, and Jesse to say Grace, so they could start eating.

“Amen.” Luke joined him.

…………………………………………………………………..

  //Later, Enos tracked Daisy down at the Boar’s Nest.//

“I think it’s a real pretty picture, Daisy, and… well,” Blushing, he pulled a folded copy from his wallet “I was wonderin’ if you’d mind signin’ it for me?”

“Oh, Enos, I’d be happy to! Just let me get a pen.”

 

Finis. (For now…)