by: Kristy Duke
Staring through the thick darkness that heavily looms within my small bedroom I am slowly shoved into being awake as my thoughts abruptly turn to last night’s events. Thoughts of last night’s robbery at The Boar’s Nest to cornering them in their own car to send a sense of fear and dread to wash over my numb body. Fear and dread of what I may have gotten myself into by doing what I had, last night, watching them so confidently walking through the tables and then demanding the cash that they had came for, it had sent my thoughts recoiling back to my past with my old gang. It left me yearning for my old life back, for the rush of the adrenaline and excitement that each hit brought as well as the sense of belonging that had came with being in the gang. Something that I’ll never feel as long as I am in Hazzard. It had seemed like a good idea last night while remembering and missing my past, though now as thoughts of all that could go wrong with what I did and ask for, it doesn’t seem like such a good idea.
Sighing heavily, I fight back the questions that abruptly flood within me as I stiffly get out of bed to blindly find the light switch and the bright light chases the thick darkness away. Grabbing an old pair of jeans and a shirt for today Kristy and her kids’ voice silently reaches my room to bring guilt within me. Guilt for what I had asked for last night and the consequences that may follow if they do agree upon my joining them for what it would do to her though as I hear LB’s voice echo up the stairs, my guilt seems to lessen. Lessen in knowledge that if something were to happen while with the gun men from last night, that he would at least be here for her and for the kids.
Leaving my room to sneak into the bathroom, I slowly continue to get ready for the day while listening into the laughing and talking that seems to float up the narrow stares in a whisper. Looking into the large oval mirror that hangs over the bathroom sink I am almost startled to find a small smile cross my face, a smile from the mixture from the kids’ innocent laughter from downstairs and from the thought of belonging to another gang. Taking a deep breath, I quickly force the smile away while I comb my hair and my attention slowly falls onto the thick scar that runs down my neck, the thick scar that continues to remind me of the consequences of belonging to a gang may bring. Taking a deep breath, I quickly throw the comb down into the drawer to open the bathroom door to slowly follow the hall to the stairs to make my way to the kitchen.