by: Keith
October 4, 1984
ACT 1
(Fade in on the General Lee continuing it’s jump across the creek. When it lands on the opposite side, we see Bo and Sam being bumped around by the impact. Focus on Sam.)
SAM: Have you completely lost your mind??
BO: Luke, what in the heck is the matter with you?? Why are you so jumpy, all of a sudden?
SAM: Never mind why I’m so jumpy! What happened to Rosco?
(Sam and Bo both look out the General’s rear window and see Rosco’s patrol car half-sunk into the creek. Rosco has his head stuck out the window and is waving his fist at the General Lee.)
BO: (chuckling) He looks alright t’ me. I’ll just give Cooter a holler on the CB to come give him a tow.
SAM: What about in the meantime? How good of a swimmer is he?
BO: Luke, you and me both know Rosco can’t swim a lick. But he knows better than to try to get out by himself. He’ll just sit there til Cooter gets here like he does every other time.
SAM: You’ve got to be kidding me!
(Sam grabs the door handle and tries repeatedly to open it)
SAM: What the hell’s the matter with the damn door?!
(Frustrated, Sam gives up and climbs out the window. He stops when he notices the words “GENERAL LEE” on the roof. Concerned, Bo climbs out and walks over to Sam)
BO: Look, Luke, I ain’t sure what’s got into you, but I do know that if Uncle Jesse ever heard you talkin’ the way you just did, he’d wash your mouth out so much, everything you eat for the next week’d taste like suds!
SAM: (pointing to the words on the roof) This is what you meant?
(Bo just stares at Sam, confused)
SAM: This is what you were talking about when you said “The General will make it over that pretty easy”?
BO: Well, what’d ya think I was talkin’ about?
(Sam waves his right arm all around he and Bo, trying to show where he thought the “General” was going to come out from.)
SAM: I don’t know. I guess I…..look, let’s just get back in the car and get to wherever we were going. And, while we’re driving, we’ll CB Cooter and have him come help Rosco.
(Sam and Bo each start to climb in the General’s windows)
SAM: So, where ARE we going, anyway?
BO: (very confused) Home, Luke. Y’know, back to the farm…Luke, did you hit your head while I wasn’t lookin’? You need me to run ya over to Doc Applebee’s?
SAM: No. I didn’t hit my head. I’m fine. Do me one favor, though, ok?
(Sam points to the creek behind them and waves his finger over them)
SAM: Jumping that creek like you just did to get away from Rosco….
BO: Yeah….?
SAM: Don’t do that again.
(We see a brief sequence of the General Lee driving along dirt roads, followed by an aerial shot of the Duke farm while Sam thinks)
SAM: (thinking to himself) Even though the ride back to the farm only took about five minutes, it seemed to last an eternity with the scrutanizing looks I was getting from Bo. But once we got there, I felt like I was home again. The aging man in the red hunting cap, feeding the chickens reminded me a lot of my dad. The house looked almost just like ours back in Indiana. The only thing here that seemed unique from any other farm I’d been on as a kid, was the young woman hanging laundry in her tight red tank top and surprisingly short shorts.
(Bo and Sam climb out of the General Lee and approach Uncle Jesse and Daisy)
Bo: Hey, Uncle Jesse!
UNCLE JESSE: Hi, boys. You two get that mortgage payment into J.D.’s hands on time?
BO: (smirking) Come on, Uncle Jesse, have Luke and me ever let ya down before?
UNCLE JESSE: Never mind about lettin’ me down. I’m glad you two showed up when ya did. Daisy and me’s busy out here with the chores, so why don’t you boys go inside and get lunch ready.
BO: You got it.
SAM: Yes, sir.
(Bo and Sam head into the house. Sam stops in his tracks to admire the scenery around him. Uncle Jesse notices)
UNCLE JESSE: Luke, you alright?
SAM: Yes, sir. Just enjoying the view, that’s all.
(Uncle Jesse gives Sam a scrutinizing look)
UNCLE JESSE: View don’t change much from one day to the next.
(Bo opens the porch door and pokes his head out)
BO: Luke, you commin’?
(Sam looks around and realizes that everyone is staring at him. He collects himself and walks toward the porch. Once inside, he breathes a sigh of relief at seeing Al standing off to the right.)
BO: Luke, I, uh….I just remembered I left somethin’ in the General. I’ll be right in to help ya out.
SAM: (nods) Ok.
AL: That worked out well. But we’re gonna have to make this fast. It’s only gonna take him so long to get something out of the car.
SAM: He’s not going to get anything out of the car. He’s…(pause)…how did you know the General was a car?
AL: Sam, there’s a bright orange stock car with the words “GENERAL LEE” plastered across the roof parked outside the door. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together….(looks at Sam and smirks) or does it?
SAM: Never mind. Besides, he’s not getting anything out of the car. He was just making that up. I have a feeling he’s going out to warn the other two that I’m acting strange. Al, I’m gonna need a lot of help on this one. I mean, I don’t know how to be a…a…a…
AL: Redneck?
SAM: (reluctantly) For lack of a better word, yeah.
AL: Don’t worry, Sam. I’m gonna stick to you like glue on this one. (Starts poking at the handlink) But before we go any further, why don’t I give you the usual stuff.
SAM: Before you start, let go into the kitchen. They alrady think I’m acting wierd enough. I don’t need them to see me talking to myself.
(Sam enters the kitchen. Al walks through the wall behind him. Sam starts searching the cupboards for plates)
AL: (reading the handlink) Your name is….
SAM: Luke Duke. The blonde guy is my cousin, Bo. The farmer is apparently our Uncle Jesse. I haven’t caught the girl’s name yet.
AL: Daisy. She’s your cousin, too. And, I’ll tell ya…after lookin’ at her and seeing how far these people live from there closest neighbors, I’m beginning to understand all those redneck sterotypes.
SAM: AL! Would you just tell me why I’m here?
AL: Sorry. In two days, which you’re gonna need every minute of to learn how to be Luke without arousing suspiscion, your…uh, Luke’s…cousin Bo is gonna be approached by a retiring NASCAR driver who wants him to take his place on the circuit.
SAM: (Pulling plates out of a cupboard)Bo’s a Nascar driver?
AL: Well, he was. In fact, you two both were. The only time in your entire lives that you either of you ever left Hazzard was two years ago to go pro on the racing circuit.
SAM: Hazzard?? That’s the name of this town?
AL: Yeah. Hazzard County, Georgia. But anyway, Bo and Luke went pro for about six months. Two of their other cousins, Coy and Vance, came here to help out while they were gone….wow, big family. All these cousins, no siblings. (pokes at handlink) Oh, yeah, here we go. Jesse was one of seven siblings. They all went out for a little car ride; everyone except Jesse, that is, and his brother Albert and……oh…they got run off the road and killed. According to the police report, Jesse and Albert had stayed behind to finish their chores. After that, Jesse took Bo, Luke and Daisy under his wing while Albert took Coy and Vance to live with him. But then Albert and his wife had a couple of kids so, when Bo and Luke wanted to go pro on the Nascar cicuit, Coy and Vance were able to come here and help out. But six months later, Albert got very sick and the farm chores were more than his kids could handle. So, he wrote to Coy and Vance and asked them to come back. With them going back to live with him, Bo and Luke left the Nascar circuit to come back here and help Jesse and Daisy. (smirks) Boy, these people have a more complicated history than the Kennedys.
SAM: Al, that’s very touching. I’m glad they’re such a close family that they’d go through all that for each other. Unfortunately, though, that doesn’t tell me anything about why I’m here.
AL: I was getting to that. The reason you’re here is….
(Bo enters and goes to the refridgerator)
BO: Hey, Luke. You got the plates? Uncle Jesse said there should be a plate of fried chicken in the refridgerator…(reaches into refridgerator)…yup. Here it is. I’ll grab the plates from ya and start settin’ the table if you wanna grab the silverware.
AL: Sam, Bo is the reason you’re here.
SAM: (to Bo) Sure.
AL: Tell him you’ll bring out the lemonade, too.
SAM: Huh?
AL: Just tell him.
SAM: I’ll, uh…I’ll bring out the lemonade, too.
BO: You got it.
(Bo exits)
SAM: (to Al) How did you know there’s lemonade?
AL: Because we’re on a farm in the south. No matter what time of year it is, there’s always a pitcher of lemonade in the fridge.
SAM: (walking to the refidgerator) So, what happens to Bo?
AL: Well, like I said, in two days he gets approached by a retiring Nascar driver who wants him to take his place after he leaves. Bo accepts….
SAM: (holding the pitcher of lemonade) No, wait. Let me guess. He accepts and his leaving tears the whole family apart.
AL: You’re half right. Like I said, he accepts…..(looks out the window at Bo) and gets killed during his first race.
Fade Out
End Act 1
