by: Essy Jane

Jesse was sitting in front of the Emergency room in a wheelchair. Of course he was waiting most impatiently for his ride. Nothing was worse than being in a hospital. I mean when you have company in the hospital with you like Jesse did when he got his appendix removed, he had a blast. However, this time once visiting hours were over, that was it. Jesse hated being alone and in the hospital, you can be completely surrounded by people and still feel so by yourself.

A nurse was standing beside him. Jesse was tapping his fingers to the rhythm of a song. He looked up at the nurse who was standing over him like a tree, shading him from the sunlight. Her scrubs were dark evergreen. Her hair was curly and pulled back. She sighed softly. Jesse could tell she was bored.

“Do I have to sit in this thing?” Jesse finally asked, looking up at the nurse. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Hospital policy,” the nurse replied.

“I only broke one leg.”

“I see that.”

“I have a funky shoe do dad that allows me to walk.”

“Yep, I can see that also.”

“Come on give me a break will you? I’m young, I am vigorous and I’m getting married.” The nurse’s shoulder’s lowered like it was some sort of chore to listen to Jesse. She looked at her watch. Jesse didn’t care, he just kept on talking. “You know, wheelchairs are good inventions.”

“Yes they are.”

“They are meant for sickly people.”

“Uh huh.”

“Why in goodness name do I need a wheelchair then? I ain’t goanna fall over or anything.”

“I don’t make the rules kid, I just abide by them.”

“I’m not a kid, I just told you I was goanna get married.” Suddenly the two became quiet as he looked out into the distance. Jesse sighed and longed for the sound of the General Lee. He was sure Jose would deny his request but still he looked out for him.

“Are you sure your cousin said he was coming?”

“Yeah, he might be a minute or two late.” Jesse shrugged and laughed as he crocked an eyebrow. The nurse’s eyebrows and looked at him. “Or ten or twenty.”

“Well there is quite a difference.”

“Not to me. Either way I get out of here.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“I have been in here for too long.”

“Not according to the doctor.”

“Oh what does he know? I was good to go three days ago.”

“Your blood pressure was better today than it was three days ago. I’ve been your nurse for the past three days.”

“You must be getting tired of me.”

“Nah but Jesse, trust us, we know what we’re doing.” The nurse sat down on the bench beside Jesse.

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Suddenly, the Dixie Horn sounded off. Jesse let out a wild Yahoo as the General stopped. Jose got out of the car and walked over to Jesse. “YES, what took you so long?”

“Sorry Jess, I had a little trouble with Perry,” Jose replied.

“Are you sure you got away from him?”

“Why?” Now the siren sounds became more apparent. Jose rolled his eyes and Jesse cracked a smile. He shook his head softly. Jose wasn’t too impressed. “Man, he can’t even let me pick up my cousin in peace!”

“Well did you suspect any different?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Do you need help in?”

“Nah, they made me sit in this thing.” Jesse got out of the chair and put his broken leg in the General first. He slid in his other leg and pushed himself in with his busted arms.

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Sure but I don’t mind.” Jose rolled his eyes and laughed. Jesse winked. “Hey, I have to get them in when I can.”

“Boy did I miss you.” Jose got into the other side and started up the General. Sure enough there was Perry Coltrane right behind them. “You know, without you, I have been stuck doing mostly twin duty. Fighting crime with three babies and an SUV ain’t as much fun.”

“Well I am back.”

“You better stay that way.” Jose was doing pretty well at driving that is until the tire blew. Jose never had any luck did he now?

“Old times and I just got home.” Perry got out of the car as the General parked. He looked inside the orange car and laughed.

“I caught myself some suckers,” Perry said.

“Oh come on Deputy, I want to go home,” Jesse commented.

“Jesse Duke, this is the first time you called me deputy!”

“That means that we get to go?”

“Nope, you’re under arrest.”

“For what?”

“Well Jose is under arrest for speeding.”

“Then what am I under arrest for?”

“Uh…loitering in a pickup zone at the hospital, that’s a serious charge don’t you know? Khee, oh I love my life!” Jose rolled his eyes. Jesse couldn’t help but laugh. That was the worst charge he had ever heard of.

“Hello, I was picking him up,” Jose grumbled.

“I don’t really care if you were picking him up or pushing him down. You know, when people are loitering here and a loitering there…”

“Here a loiter, there a loiter every where a loiter. Old McColtrane had a farm,” Jose sings (To old MacDonald to those who don’t know).

“E-I-E-I-O,” Jesse sang.

“You boys ain’t funny,” Perry mumbled. Jose and Jesse laughed. “Whoo-jit! You boys git out of the car right now! I mean it.” Jesse and Jose pulled themselves out of the General. He took out two pairs of handcuffs. Perry handcuffed Jose alright. Jesse, well sir, he was having some trouble. While he was working with cuffing, Jesse kicked him with his bad leg and got into the front seat of the police car. He somehow managed to put it into drive and floored it.

“You can’t drive!” Jose exclaimed.

“I’m doing okay besides, you’re handcuffed, how are you goanna drive?” Jesse replied. Jose shrugged.

“Calling Sheriff Hogg and Deputy Strate come in?” You heard over the CB.

“This is Sheriff Bacon here, what do you need?” Cletus answered on the CB.

“Sheriff—I mean Deputy Strate callin,” DJ commented.

“You dipstick, you ain’t the sheriff, I am.”

“Yes sir.”

“Would you two hush? Them Dukes stole my patrol car,” Perry growled. Now as Perry explained where the Dukes were, Jose knew they had to lay low somewhere. Jesse had another idea but first he would have to ditch the doe-dos.

“Swing your partner round and round,” Jesse began.

“Swing them around ‘till they can’t be found,” Jose added as Jesse swung the police car left and then right.

“Go to the left and go to the right.”

“Watch old Cletus hit DJ’s light.” Sure enough, Cletus hit DJ’s tail light right off. Jesse began honking the horn as he waved. “You’re cruel Jess.”

“Hey come on, it was nice to know I could hit the horn and drive.”

“With two broken arms.”

“Yeah, point taken. I shouldn’t drive.”

“No.”

“Here, I’ll let you out and you can drive.”

“Jesse…”

“No it will be fun. I’ll buy you a mirror…”

“Jesse…”

“And you can try to steer with your arms together. Or maybe Jose you can use your legs.”

“Jesse…!”

“Oh I got it, if we stay here long enough, Perry will catch up to us from the General.” Jose shook his head and laughed.

“Would you just get into town already?”

“You’re the boss.”

Jesse parked the patrol car in front of the Hazzard County Jail. He got out and opened the door, letting Jose out. “Thanks, Cousin,” Jose said.

“Anytime Jose,” Jesse answered him. Now they couldn’t get the handcuffs off Jose all by themselves. So of course, the Duke boys walked over to a place they could, Lilly-Rose’s Garage. Jesse smiled and looked at his cousin.

“What are you two doing here?” Lilly asked.

“Well uh…” Jesse began.

“More importantly, why were you in Perry’s patrol car?”

“You see…”

“And why was Jesse driving?”

“Jose was…”

“I got to hand it to you for getting caught by Perry in the first place.”

“Will you let me talk, woman?” Jose chuckled. Jesse growled at Jose. He hated when his second cousin laughed at him. “Oh, you think that’s funny do you. Well, why don’t I borrow Lilly’s truck and take you home like this? I mean I am sure you will be tickled pink to do all the farming with handcuffs on.”

“Sorry,” Jose mumbled.

“The people in the back couldn’t hear you,” Jesse gloated.

“I’M SORRY!”

“Much better.” Jesse grabbed the bolt cutters off the wall. He passed them to Lilly and walked over to her pickup truck. Jose put his arms up so that his cousin could get at the cuffs. She put the bolt cutter into place and of course got Jose out of them. Jesse got into the driver’s seat.

“What makes you think you’re driving?” Jose asked. Jesse started up the car and put it into gear. “Uh, Lilly, did you hear where the General was?”

“Uh huh,” Lilly commented.

“Pick it up for us? We’ll pay you for a new tire.”

“Okie doke.” Jose ran around the other side of the truck and got in. He did up his seatbelt just as Jesse put his foot down on the gas pedal.

“Hey speedy sprocket, why in the world are you in such a darn hurry?”

“I’m a man with a mission,” Jesse replied.

“Oh yeah?”

“I want to eat lunch. No more hospital food for me. YEEEEEEEE HAW!”

“Okay then, lunch it is but I should be driving.”

“My right foot works just fine. I have my thumbs so I can grip the steering wheel. Why do you think you should drive? Is it because you got severely attached to our General while I was gone?” Jose’s eyes shifted. “I knew it.”

“Oh Jesse, it ain’t just that. Your other fingers all stuck in the cast.”

“Jose, you feel sorry for me?” Jose pulled away. Jesse cleared his throat which of course made the older cousin look up. “You are, you feel sorry for me. Did I give you any special attention when you fell off the roof and broke your ribs?”

“Jess, I was supposed to be with you to get the seed. Maybe if I was in the car…”

“You would have been a pancake. I would have been driving and you would have the two broken arms.” Jesse shook his head. “That’s what’s been bothering you. No wonder you have been so upset whenever you were visiting me in the hospital. Jose, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah well if I didn’t go out with that gal…”

“Oh Jose, they would have been after us anyway.”

“You know, if it wasn’t for me being so foolish you would have been driving and you’re the best driver in all of Hazzard. You can ask anyone and they’ll say the exact same thing.”

“No, my Dad is the best driver in all of Hazzard. He’s a legend.”

“He’s leaving. You’re it now.”

“Now just who do you think taught me how to drive? Daddy did the best he could.” Jose sighed. He put his feet up on the seat. “You know Jose, you don’t have to blame yourself. I am glad you weren’t there.”

“Why?”

“You beat the tar and feathers out of them morons that did this to us.”

“Yeah, so what?”

“So, if you weren’t there, Jo would have been in big trouble.”

“She was already fighting.”

“Yeah but you two did it together.” Jesse took the truck out of gear and took the keys out of the ignition. He managed to open the door. Jesse walked out with a little bit of a limp but he paid no attention to it. As Bo walked out, Jesse saw the angry glare pressing through his father’s face. “What?”

“You were driving!” Bo exclaimed.

“So?”

“So, you have broken limbs.”

“And…?”

“And!” Bo’s harsh look turned into a smile. “You’re such a Duke.”

“What happened to the lecture?”

“That was your mother speaking through me.”

“I see, what’s for lunch? I’m starving.”

“Fried chicken, with your Great Uncle Jesse’s recipe…man did it turn out perfectly.”

“Yes! I love fried chicken.” Cooter walked out of the house. “Howdy Gramps, nice to see you over here, it’s nice to see everything and everyone. Man, I missed everybody.” Cooter rolled his eyes as he cracked a grin.

“Jess, let’s get you into the house before you have another Bo moment,” Cooter laughed.

“What do you mean Bo moment?” Bo asked.

“Only your kin would drive home in a pickup with two broken arms and a broken leg. I bet that’s Lilly’s truck.”

“Yep it sure is Cooter and yes, Jesse’s like his old man but he’ll settle down like me too.”

“You haven’t settled down Bo. What about a few weeks ago when you snuck out of the house and had a drag race with Coy?” Bo’s eyes widened as he cleared his throat.

“Dad you said you were going into Chickasaw County to get some parts for General two,” Jesse said.

“I did and then Coy told me that I couldn’t race anymore because I was old. No one challenges me like that and gets away with it,” Bo growled.

“Who won?” Jose asked.

“I did,” Bo answered.

“So he was exaggerating when he said he beat you in a race.”

“He said he beat me? That two timing liar! Oh, he did beat me in one race.”

“Oh yeah, what one?”

“Well, on our bikes but that was only because Miss Lulu needed help with her groceries and Uncle Jesse would have tanned my hide if I didn’t help her.”

“I see.”

“He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that we raced. That’s the last time I trust Coy.”

“Coy didn’t tell me,” Cooter cut in.

“Then who?” Jose asked.

“Yeah, what he said,” Bo commented.

“Oh come on, I am your father in law. I know everything that goes on in Hazzard County and I don’t have to even be here,” Cooter replied.

“Where do you get your sources from?”

“Essy-Jane Duke of course, she is the best one for information.” The door opened and out poked Jo’s head.

“Get your butts inside, I want to eat,” Jo Anna growled.

“There’s another one like you,” Jesse laughed.

“Get in here Jess or I’ll break your other leg.” With that, the family made their way to the supper table. Everyone sat down to eat. Jesse was thrilled to be back with the family once more.