by: Essy Jane

“Hurry up you goof, we’re going to be late for our own wedding,” Jesse called upstairs. Jose ran out with one shoe on his foot, trying to put the other one on. Jesse shook his head. “Quit turning into me!”

“Yeah, yeah—how did you get dressed so fast?” Jose questioned. Jesse smiled.

“It’s all in the hand eye coordination. That and I didn’t get changed into my PJ’s.”

“Alright, it is written all over my face! I am nervous.”

“Well that much I can see. Why you’re nervous I don’t know.”

“Well, I’m getting married and leaving Hazzard…in that order.” Jesse shook his head. “I don’t why you’re not nervous. You’re goanna run a farm by yourself.”

“Hello, I have a wife.”

“Not yet you don’t. What makes you think she’ll be out there plowing with you?”

“She doesn’t have to.”

“I see.”

“Laurel isn’t afraid of a little hard work though.”

“Neither is Paige.”

“You’re the one that’s goanna have the most trouble Jose.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have been driving tractors and farming all my life. You were inserted into it. We always did it together.”

“Yeah, I felt it when you were gone. I’ll get used to it though.”

“I’m sure you will.”

“Just get in the General you dork.”

“Do you want me to drive?”

“Am I in any condition to drive? Knowing me I’ll drive down to Hazzard Jail and beg Cletus to arrest me.” Jesse began to laugh. “Well its true isn’t it?”

“Actually I thought with your luck you would be speeding all the way there.”

“Okay, that does sound more like something I would do.”

“Well, no time like the present. Let’s go and get married.”

“Sure, why not, I have time.” They got in their orange automobile, the General Lee who had gone through two generations of Dukes. The General Lee still looked just as beautiful as the first time we saw ol Bo chasing down Roscoe’s patrol car—with Cooter in it. Then again if Jesse and Jose didn’t keep up the General Lee, Bo wouldn’t hesitate to discipline them.

As Jose and Jesse drove down the road, Jesse’s big toe was acting up even worse than before. Something was coming. Actually, the boys were coming to it. A big white dirty old pick-up sat in the middle of the road. Now if y’all think there around to pick up the tab, think again.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Jose grumbled.

“They wouldn’t…” Jesse added.

“Oh they would.” Remember how I told you to remember the Beaudry’s? Well sir, here they are. May-Anne, Peggy and Tamara were standing in the middle of the road.

“How did they know where to find us?”

“Uh…I don’t know.”

“Jose, you’re not telling me something.”

“Jo let it slip we were getting married.”

“Oh great, this is just great!” Jesse put the breaks on The General Lee and shook his head. “Now we’re goanna be Beaudry food.” The gals surrounded the car.

“Try to stay calm.”

“Don’t you remember what they did to us last time?”

“Yeah but it doesn’t mean we have to fret about something that might not happen…what am I saying? They’re Beaudries and all of them have some sort of problem. Tamara was deathly in love with Jesse. Peggy had her heart set on Jose. Now since they were older, they got their pick.

“Hello Jesse,” Tamara said softly. Jose’s eyebrows rose as she reached in the General, grabbing the keys. “Y’all didn’t invite us to your wedding.”

“That’s because we knew you would ruin it!” Jose exclaimed. Tamara growled. Jesse put a hand over his cousin’s mouth. He knew Jose was asking for trouble.

“Peggy, your man wants a kiss.”

“With pleasure sis,” Peggy replied. She walked around to the other side of the General. Peggy pulled Jose out of the car and Tamara pulled out Jesse. Now friends, these gals got their looks from their Mama and their strength from their Papa. I gotta cover my eyes for this one, they’re about to kiss Jose and Jesse…tell me when it’s over y’all.

“Get your disgusting lips off of me Peggy Beaudry! I wanna get married, my wedding is today,” Jose snarled. Thanks Jose, glad I didn’t have to see that one. Oh them poor boys.

“Oh you don’t know just how right you are.”

“Excuse me?”

“You know what we’re talking about don’t you Jesse?” Jesse nodded softly.

“Well then would someone let me in on it? I am behind here, really behind.”

“Come on Jose, think about it,” Jesse mumbled.

“We’re not getting to our wedding are we now?”

“You’ve got it.”

“You have got to be kidding me. Paige is goanna kill you.”

“Well after what we’re about to do, we’ll both be dead.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You’re cousin’s trying to tell you something,” May-Anne said.

“Something important,” Peggy added.

May-Anne grabbed the rope and they tied the two boys up. “So you two sit back and relax.”

“By the time we’re done with y’all, we’ll be Dukes.”

“YEEEEE HAW,” Tamara said.

“We’s goanna have dang good husbands.”

“That’s right Peggy.”

“Tamara, you’s goanna make a smashing bride.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“Here we go boys.” Uh oh, Tamara and Peggy Duke…I think Paige and Laurel Duke sound way better don’t you?

“No!” Jose exclaimed. He tried to struggle free from his ropes. As he continued to struggle, Jose knocked May-Anne’s hat off. They were thrown in the back of the truck and hit in the head with a big mallet.

“Tamara Duke, ah that’s goanna be great. Jesse and me we’s goanna have plenty of youngins and we’s goanna run the farm together YEEEE HAW.” Now if you were planning on getting a snack, this is not a good time.