By: TNRiverRat

Chapter 1

Bo Duke, age 45
Early April, West Memphis, Arkansas

I don’t know why, but things feel very strange. Everything seems so hazy and disconnected, like I’m not really here. I feel like I’m gradually losing my grip on reality. I guess I’m finally going crazy, just like Luke always said…or most likely, it’s because I’ve been driving almost non-stop for three days and I’m exhausted. I probably just need a hot shower and some sleep.

‘No…what I need to do is just get home! I’ve wasted so many years and I need to get some shred of my old life back before I lose what’s left of my mind. I have a real strong urge to talk about things, like I used to do with Luke and Uncle Jesse, all those years ago. I need to tell someone why I have lived away from my family for so long…why I haven’t allowed myself to get attached to anyone.’

I can’t exactly explain why I feel this way. I just know that things could have turned out differently for me if not for one year in my life, just a few events…and that’s what I need to talk about. I need to open my soul again. I used to be able to open up, to talk about anything…but that was years ago, when I actually cared…No, I don’t want to think about that right now. I don’t want to dredge up those old memories…but I have to. If I don’t…well, I don’t know… But I do know I have to get some of this off my chest before I get home and see Luke and Daisy. I can’t unload all this on them at once! I just wish Uncle Jesse was still there. I miss him…I miss them all so much.
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I often think of how I’ve ended up at this place in my life. It was more accident than anything else…’cause I sure didn’t plan it. My career as a NASCAR driver has allowed me to travel the country and see more people than I could ever have imagined. I’ve had my pick of the ladies and have had a few offers and opportunities to settle down. But, there’s only one place I want to live out the rest of my life… Hazzard County, Georgia…and it would take a pretty special person to want to live there with me. Hazzard’s been home for me as long as I can remember. I’m on my way back there from a recent promotional race out west. I could have flown into Atlanta and been there days ago; but I preferred to drive, as usual! I need the extra time to settle a few things. Things have changed a bit as I’ve grown older. I still act like I always have; kinda wild as my cousins would say, but lately, I guess they’d say that I’m “wantin’ to put down roots and finally grow up”. Ha! If they only knew how many years I have been trying to forget a time, years ago, when I was ready and willing to ‘put down roots’. I’m ready now; I keep telling myself. I’m so tired of running from what was and what could have been. Maybe it’s time to let go a little and try to get some of my old life back. I pray that I can.

As I look out the windows of my latest vehicle, a fairly souped-up, if I do say so myself, red Dodge Ram truck, I can see that spring has come to the South and it’s a beautiful sight. I take advantage of my country driving skills and steer clear of the Interstate if at all possible. The trip will take longer, of course; but I don’t mind, I can use the time to think. This time of year always makes me thoughtful and the fact that I have just crossed the Mississippi River into Tennessee brings back ghosts of old memories. I leave the busy traffic of Memphis and head through the backwoods of rural West Tennessee with a heavy mind. I’ve decided that my next stop will be about two hours ahead; a sleepy little community on the banks of the Tennessee River, small enough to make Hazzard seem like the big city! I haven’t been there in years; too many years…it took me awhile to get up the nerve to visit. A lot of memories await me there…not so much the town but a certain person there. She’s my reason for stopping…my reason for a lot of things over the years. She’s the one I need right now. I need to tell her everything…I need to know that she understands.

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Two hours later, Hardin County, Tennessee

As I drive down a lonely two-lane on this rainy April morning, I remember that I used to like spring. My birthday is in the spring, so I had always felt that it was my special time of year. Watching the world waking up after the cold grip of winter always seemed to wake me up, too. All my life I had been impulsive and excitable; but warmer weather and the chance to get outdoors seemed to make me worse. I looked forward to warm days spent working with my family, playing with friends, and getting into and out of trouble with my cousin, Luke. I looked even more forward to the cool spring nights cuddled up in the General or the hayloft with which ever girl I was dating at the time! It even seemed to be more fun outrunning Rosco and his deputies when the landscape beyond our speeding car windows was alive and green. I loved getting outside, messing around with cars and working on the farm. Spring was the time of year that the family farm came alive and the work load picked-up. The animals, the machinery, even the smell of the dirt made me feel …well…at home; for lack of a better phrase. I mean …I liked racing, and was good at it; but, back then I truly felt I could stay on the old farm and scratch a living from the dirt, happily, for the rest of my life. I knew my uncle thought otherwise, though. He always thought my cousins and I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibilities of full-time farming. In his mind, we boys were “too wild to ever settle down” and Daisy would have a family and probably make her home elsewhere…

There I go, ramblin’ again…my mind’s wanderin’ so much I can hardly think straight. Like I said, I used to like spring. I can’t exactly say that now. Why? Why did I grow to hate this beautiful time of year that used to be so special to me? It’s a long story. Seems too long, actually, to have only covered one awful, wonderful, terribly brief year of my life; but…a lot happened during that year. That was the year my whole life got turned upside down. I was scared to death that it would never be the same; then again, part of me didn’t really want it to be…and it hasn’t been.

I remember pieces of it just like it were yesterday. Most of that year… I wish I could just forget; but… there are a few sweet moments that I never want to forget.

(I hope she understands. I pray I can let go of it all and move on. I want to talk to her so badly…but I don’t want to see her like this…I don’t want to be here…but I have to be here! Damn it…this is drivin’ me crazy!)

Well, here I am and there she is, just like the last time I saw her. I guess I’m ready to spill my guts. I probably should start at the beginning…God, has it really been twenty years?

It all began in April, the year I turned twenty-five…