by: Essy Jane

Luke was looking into my eyes as he always would when he knew something was
wrong. I couldn’t quite see his eyes. There was blood pouring into them. I
went to reach for him…to help him. Each time I put my arm out he seemed to
go further and further away. My heart skipped a beat in fear. I couldn’t get
him. Luke got into the jeep and began to drive away. I tried warn him that
he was wounded but it wasn’t working. My tongue seemed to be tied as I
reached for him once more. It was coming…slow at first and soon faster…even
faster still. The bomb had almost reached him. I look at him and prayed that
he would see it. Luke had to have seen the bomb. I could see the bomb hit
him as he cried out for me. That wasn’t the best sight in the world I can
tell you that much.

I wish that he wasn’t in this war. I wish that I would have though about
this earlier so he wouldn’t have to go. He would have reported me though and
got in so I suppose it didn’t matter. Now I woke up. The sweet sweat rolled
down my silken skin. It was a dream…only a dream. My thoughts had got the
best of me again. How could I always let this happen?

That dream really startled me though. I don’t like thinking about anyone
blowing up let alone my own cousin. There’s something about that kind of
experience that can send chills up someone’s spine. I wanted my cousin
though more than anything. It was a comfort thing. I wanted to say hello to
him but couldn’t. Nothing was really going right for me today. At least
something woke me up this morning I suppose.

I couldn’t exactly tell where I was or anything. Maybe a hut or possibly I
had been captured by the enemy. I wouldn’t be able to tell just by being in
here. I looked at my arms and noticed the tubes in them. Was I at a
hospital? It didn’t look like a hospital to me.

I looked around. There was a mirror at my bedside. I looked in it and saw my
spiked hair. Oh…I forgot to mention that. I spiked my hair in hope that I
could live with being under another name. They were long spikes though since
I didn’t want to cut it. I hated having to be known as Vance for so long. I
suppose it was kind of a cover-up…you know to keep me believing I could pull
it off. There was something about all this pretending that drove me batty.

As I sat up more, the pain in my chest hit me like a million knives being
shot at me at once. I remember stabbing myself with one so I do know. It was
an accident of course. Anyway I just had to lie back down. My chest burned
and my heart was pounding. Now as I didn’t know where I was I couldn’t help
but feel nervous. It was overbearing…almost heartbreaking.

A Vietnamese woman stood over me. She was very beautiful. Her hair was tied
back with two long strips hanging down in the front. Her smile was perfect.
She couldn’t believe that I was awake…at least that’s what her eyes told me.
I didn’t know if I should be afraid of the woman or like her. However she
didn’t look harmful. Nevertheless I would be cautious. I didn’t know what
he motive was and wasn’t willing to find out. The young woman was
pregnant….five to seven months pregnant just by looking at her.

Now she was holding a sharp object. I didn’t know what it was filled with
and I felt too sore to really care. It was a needle…the most dreaded thing I
have ever seen. I hate needles. No matter how many I have gotten I will
always hate them. She turned me over and stuck a needle into my butt. I kind
of jerked upwards for a second there…almost like I had been violated.

I hated that feeling more than anything. I didn’t know where I was and I
didn’t know if I would ever get out of here. If this was a hospital it was
weird having it run by a pregnant woman. If it wasn’t a hospital…then why
would she have needles? I didn’t know but I wanted to get out of here. I
wondered if they rigged her. Like put pillows under her so I would connect
with her. That would be pretty low. I suppose my imagination was running
wild with me but I couldn’t help it. There was something about this place
that freaked me out and I wouldn’t rest until I found out what it was.

I thought about Uncle Jesse as I was looking at her. He always told me to be
prepared and then the army told me to be prepared. Maybe I should touch her
stomach to see if it is real. Then again wouldn’t she get mad? Well if she
was a communist she would beat me up. I didn’t know what to think. She
would’ve hurt me by now…or maybe I would be guarded. I went for it and
touched her stomach. It was real alright. I didn’t think it was just because
I was told not to trust anyone. She giggled when I touched her stomach but
at the same time she pulled away.

“Sleep now Vance. I just gave you a needle for your pneumonia. You should be
okay,” She commented. She was a spy. No one could speak that well in another
language. Most of the locals I met could speak it a little but not enough
and certainly not like her. She was a communist and I was scared for my
life. No, I was wrong about the stomach and I could be wrong about this.

“I have a question for you ma’am, how in the world do you know English so
well? I have been over here for two years and I know nothing about your
language,” I commented. She pulled out another large quilt and covered me
with it.

“My husband and I went to the states to learn medicine. I became a nurse and
he a doctor. I wanted to be a doctor too but…well I didn’t have enough time.
He stayed at a doctor for a few months and taught me how to do the surgeries
and things before he left to war. I know all the same techniques and
everything. He says I am just as good as anyone.”

“You know my name but I don’t know yours.”

“Well my name is hard to say. I don’t know if you can pronounce it
properly.”

“Well then what would I call you?”

“Well you would call me many names. My best friend named me Harriet but I
didn’t like it. I didn’t want to be called something like that. I don’t know
why I didn’t like it. After all the names I have been called there’s only
one I like. So if you will please call me Cookie.”

“That’s cute but I personally don’t understand it. Why would you take the
name Cookie?”

“Cookie is what my husband called me. I once went over to a girl’s place.
Her name was Maria. She took out her recipe book and told me that I was to
learn the art of making chocolate chip cookies. She said I made them very
well considering I had never done it before. Maria called me a Smart Cookie.
I have been known as Cookie ever since. Not elegant but it is a good strong
name.”

“Oh that it is my dear. I think that you picked it well. ”Cookie seemed well
educated though never trained in medicine. I wish she had been. A woman like
her had to be smart. I looked at all the American textbooks in her bookcase
that was hand crafted. Most of them looked new. Maybe they had been stolen
or maybe she ordered them. I couldn’t judge her for I truly didn’t know her.

“You must miss your family a lot too Vance.”

“I do I miss them more than life.”

“My husband writes me all about the medical cases he has. He tells me about
new procedures they learned to treat wounds. I understand it very well too.
I wish he was here to see the birth of our child.” I missed my family more
than life just like she must be right now.

I could remember walking around in bare feet with Daisy on the cold dew
grass in the early morning. Uncle Jesse sitting up at the table with his
elbows propped up while he reads the morning paper. Everything is special
during the day with him. That’s when it hit me about the missing in action
report. Oh no, if they found out I was here…no way. Uncle Jesse would cringe
at the thought of Vance supposed to be there. Coy would fall to his knees
and just pray.

“I have got to go!” I exclaimed. Cookie laughed at me and I didn’t
understand why. Why in the world couldn’t I get up? I had to get up and get
out of here before he got a telegram like that. Daisy would be confused at
it seeing how Vance was in the house. What would happen if they investigated
it? They will find Vance has been serving for two years now. They will
either make Vance out to be a liar or find out about me. Nevertheless there
will be some big trouble.

“Are you okay?” Cookie asked. Okay? I am worse than okay. My family is going
to be scared to death because of this and I am laying here in pain. I am not
even close to okay. In fact I am in the worst panic of my life. I shuttered
inside. I felt horrible about the lies that I had let me drive through this
whole experience. I couldn’t explain that to Cookie or anyone else for that
matter.

“How bad was I when you found me?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“You got three bullets in your abdominal wall. Someone was kicking you down
and stepping on you with full force. Blood was coming from your mouth. You
bit your cheek hard.”

“That’s horrible.”

“You have broken ribs because of it.”

“Makes sense with them kicking me all those times.”

“You also were lucky. Where the bullets landed you lost a lot of blood. I
couldn’t believe you were still alive. I went back to go and get others that
had been affected in your war.”

“Were Americans still alive out there?” Cookie lowered her head. She pulled
the blankets up closer to my neck. She was hiding something from me. I
couldn’t tell what but there was something.
“I have to get back to work Vance.” As she started to walk away I grabbed
her by the arm. She looked at me with her deep brown eyes. I could see
through her just like Uncle Jesse could see right down into my soul. I
couldn’t get away with anything.

“Cookie please, I know something is wrong. Just tell me honey.”

“Most were dead. I found a few but they’re dying or barely alive. Most are
in comas. You were the only one I could save. I am so sorry Vance. I know
though that some of your men did get away.” That didn’t give me all that
much confidence. I had been ruined in many ways that I wasn’t proud of.

I couldn’t stand this at all. Those men just killed off many innocent lives.
If it wasn’t for that dumb boy no one would be in this condition. Dang it I
wish I would have left them behind. I had a feeling something was going to
happen and it did.

I hated this place with a passion. I can’t stand lying in this bed just
thinking about what my family might be going through. I can’t stand to think
about who got to that telegram first. I just hope it wasn’t Uncle Jesse. If
it was Vance maybe he had the sense to go do something about it. Maybe he
might talk to someone before Uncle Jesse.

Cookie is wonderful. I am not ever going to say she isn’t. I like her eyes.
They are full of hopes and dreams. She wants so much in her life and isn’t
afraid to show that. Yet she is meek and gentle but at the same time this
young woman can be hot tempered. At the same time she is wonderful. I can’t
seem to take my eyes off of her. But I was too young for her or anyone else
in this war. Besides that she’s married. I wouldn’t ever go after a married
woman.

After a few weeks I was allowed out of bed. However there were times when
some of the men in the other huts would try to attack me. I had to figure
out a way to make peace with them but I didn’t really know what to do.
Cookie said there was nothing I could do to possibly make them be nice to
me. They thought I was there to kill them. In reality I just wanted to get
better and maybe go home.

There were only two men out of the whole place that knew good English. Their
names are Trang and Xuan. I wanted talk to both of them…maybe see if I could
actually find some common bond between me and the others. Cookie tried to
make it happen many times. Trang was the one person who was stubborn and
wouldn’t do that for anyone. However Xuan wanted to help me…though why I
don’t know.

“Now Xuan, he is not like other Americans I am telling you he is a good guy.
I don’t know why you’re so afraid of him,” I could hear Cookie say through
the hut door.

“I will not fear him once he gives me a reason not to. His kind of people
are here for one reason. They want to show our people whose boss and then
leave to find more to kill. I am not about to let that happen,” Xuan
commented. He walked inside the hut. I looked into his very judgmental eyes
and wondered if they would change.

“Hi my name is Bo,” I said.

“I thought your name was Vance.” Oops, I didn’t mean to say my real name.
Well I guess the cat was out of the bag here.

“Well…let me tell you a story.”

“You better not be trying to con me.”

“I am not trying to con anyone. Now I want to ask you about your family
before I get started. How many brothers and sisters do you have?”

“I have nine brothers and six sisters back at home. I miss them very
much…thanks for making me think about how horrible it is not to have them
around. You’re not off on the right foot American.”

“I am sorry what my people are doing.”

“Well you can leave…go back to your America and live nice long lives in your
homes. You don’t ever have to clean up this mess and start all over again.
My family’s house was destroyed. We were lucky my family was still alive.”

“I am sorry; I will never know how that feels ever.”

“Well how many do you have in your family?”

“Not as many as you. But you see, a long time ago my mother died giving
birth to me.”

“That’s horrible. I am sorry to hear that.”

“That’s not half of it. The next year, my father went on a trip and he was
also killed along with my cousin’s Mom. I guessed I felt guilty for a long
time when I was told.”

“Who in the world do you live with?”

“I live with my Uncle Jesse and my four cousins Vance, Coy, Luke and Daisy.”

“That makes sense. Did something similar happen to them as what happened to
you?”

“Well Luke, the one that lost his mom, his dad left being heart broken over
the loss of his wife. Coy and Vance were sent here because of fights that
was leaving Coy scared. Vance came along to keep him company. Daisy’s
parents figured it wasn’t fair with how much they traveled around when her
father joined the army.”

“I bet that makes your family very close.”
“Oh it does. Everyday I think about how much I miss them.”

“That still doesn’t tell me why your name is Bo instead of Vance.”

“My cousin was assigned to go to the army. I didn’t want him there at all.
So I joined instead. I didn’t give it much thought…just packed my bags and
finished school.”

“Why in the world would you want to join the army? You see how much
destruction is out there.”

“I know but if I didn’t my cousin would have to go through this. You see he
is smart but not as strong in a lot of things. I have seen a lot of people
go through the war and never sleep after it. I didn’t want my cousin to go
into that.”

“Have you ever thought about the fact that you could die? I would have let
him go out there. That wasn’t wise Bo. I mean in all honesty you could be
dead right now. You were lucky Cookie came around to help you.”

“I was very lucky she did. Cookie is a very wonderful person.”

“That she is. One night before you came I told her how much I missed
dancing. She found some sort of French tune and taught me how to dance like
they do in France. I couldn’t believe how Cookie took the time out of her
day to help us out.”

“I am glad she does too.”

“I will never forget this young woman.”

“You know what? I think I am going to do something for her. I think I am
going to fix her roof. Have you noticed that it leaks in her hut?”

“Yes but she won’t let anyone fix it.”

“Why is that anyway?”

“Well Cookie is positive that after her baby is born she’ll fix it. I don’t
know of any other women that could possibly be that stubborn.” I had to
laugh. That woman could be Daisy. She had this attitude that could never be
held down. Anything that struck her as unfair was dealt with right then and
there. I guess that’s why I admired her so much. Daisy was older than me
along with the rest of them. It felt so cheap to be the youngest in the
family. I was always going to be the infant. I was just someone who was
pushed back because I was just too dang young.

“You haven’t met many stubborn women have you?”

“No I have not. Most women are quiet and nice to their husbands. They don’t
say much to people.”

“Well that’s not my kind of woman. In our Country, women speak their minds
freely. It helps with our society.” We both had different societies but one
thing was for sure, we were friends. Xuan told everyone about me. How I
wasn’t all that different from them. I guess sometimes we are fearful about
what we are most afraid of.

The weeks rolled by for some but seemed like years to me. I wasn’t even
strong enough to really stand. However I would stand anyway. I learned how
to do things that I would have never thought possible. For instance, who
could teach me to cook before…well no one could teach me how to cook. I
could now make any food possible. Cookie taught me. However I wouldn’t be
able to show any of this off. I hated that. I would have to keep my stories
to myself. Well Luke could hear about them and Cooter but that was about it.
I just could never show that I knew how to cook. It kind of made me mad.

Well one thing was for sure, I got worried all the time. I wasn’t worried
for my life or anything like that. I was worried about my family. I was
playing the reactions over and over again in my head starting with Uncle
Jesse. I could just see Uncle Jesse receiving the telegram. He would look at
it surprised. Uncle Jesse would look at Vance and probably stare back at the
letter and figure it out. Then again so would Vance. I think that Daisy
might keep it to herself…maybe thinking that they made a mistake on the
name. Or then again she might think it was Luke that was dead.

“Bo?” Cookie questioned me as she saw me sitting all alone.

“I am okay,” I replied. I wasn’t okay! How could I ever be okay ever again?
I was here and they were there. I could just see them getting all worried
about me. I wanted to tell them the truth or maybe just phone home. How can
I phone home? I am in the middle of nowhere. I can even talk them out of
sending that dang telegram.

“I think you need to do something to keep your mind off of your family. I
know you’re not okay Bo Duke. I know you a little bit too well. You need to
go up on my roof and fix it.” I was shocked. She wanted to do everything
herself.

“You won’t let anyone else do it.”

“That is because no one else needs it more. You like fixing things.”

“Thank you Cookie.”

“You are more than welcome.”

“You know what? I think that you remind me of my cousin.”

“Is your cousin Vietnamese?”

“No, she just has the same attitude as you.”

“You are a cute kid Bo.” I worked on the roof as much as I could. I patched
up every hole. Everyone there was surprised to see me on the roof. I was in
so much pain when I was fixing it but I didn’t let it bother me none. I was
a Duke and I was supposed to be strong. I knew that Luke would tell me that
anyway. I tried to live up to that to the best of my abilities.

A few months later…

As Cookie woke up I was cooking her breakfast. Something I did everyday. I
didn’t get much sleep at night and ended up waking up early anyway. So I
would cook her breakfast. Cookie smiled and sat up. She winced in pain. I
wondered what was going on. “Was it the same pain as yesterday?” I asked
her. Cookie nodded.

“I am in labor. Bo, there is no time to wake the other nurses. We have to do
this now. Take the food off the stove.”

“Shouldn’t I boil some water or something?”

“We have no time for that. We have to do this right. Bo, go wash your hands
with the whiskey I keep behind the bookshelf. Wash your hands and get ready
for births. The contractions are getting to be too close together. We do
need warm water but someone else needs to do it.” I screamed for Trang when
I told him what was going on of course he started to help me with the
boiling of the water.

I knew how to deliver babies…well sort of. I wanted to do this right. Uncle
Jesse had given me many tools in life. One of them was boiling the water and
ripping up rags. No, I couldn’t do this but I couldn’t let Cookie down.
Besides, the baby was coming whether I wanted to do it or not. I wasn’t
expecting her to deliver her own kid. She was breathing heavy. Now I had to
remember what to do. “Cookie, I am going to put a folded blanket under your
hips to keep you comfortable.”

“Have you done this before or something?” Trang asked.

“No, but I have helped.”

“Oh boy, this is going to be rough.” She clenched onto the blankets of her
cot and I wondered if she was going to make it…if I was going to make it. I
put a blanket over her trying to keep her warm. Uncle Jesse would be so much
better at this but of course he was in the states and I don’t have a phone.

Cookie smiled at me as the sweat rolled down her face. I took the cool water
and dabbed it all over her face and hoped it would help. “Do you need some
tea?”

“Please I would love some,” she replied. I grabbed Cookie the kettle and
poured the tea into the clay cup. I mixed in the leaves as best as I could.
As I passed her the cup she drank it down.

“How long will this last?” Trang asked. I didn’t know what to tell him.

“Well…it can last fifteen minutes to six hours,” I replied.

“You have a long day ahead of you child. Are you sure you know what you’re
doing?”

“I am pretty sure I can remember. My Uncle helped my mother give birth to
me. She died though…it wasn’t his fault. She had cancer inside her cervix
and it caused her to bleed out.”

“I am sorry to hear that.”

“Bo!” Cookie screamed. I came running to her side. She was okay…just the
pain had gotten large. I wish I could take it all away from her. This person
was one that didn’t need pain.

“Okay, I think we’re ready here,” I mumbled. She pushed hard. Cookie was
doing wonderfully and I was surprised that she didn’t kill over. How in the
world do women have babies’ everyday? I couldn’t do it that’s for sure. I
saw the head and guided it out as best as I could. The back came next
followed by the toes. The baby wasn’t breathing. I held it upside down and
smacked its back. The baby cried and cried. At least it was breathing
though. There was a big mess but I wasn’t about to explain that.

I saw the umbilical cord and remembered that Uncle Jesse used string to help
tie it off. Now to remember how he did it. I couldn’t think of it. So, I
passed the baby to the proud yet sweet mother. The baby was in a warm
blanket. Cookie began to breast feed her child. I wondered why she was doing
it but didn’t care to ask.

“Tie off the cord tightly with your string about 6 inches from the baby’s
body then, move another 2-3 inches towards the mother and tie off again. Use
your sterilized scissors to cut the cord between halfway these two knots,”
Cookie said.

“It’s a boy Cookie.”

“I will call it…Bo.” I took the baby and used the warm water to clean the
child off. As she delivered her whole of the umbilical cord and placenta I
threw them out. There was no apparent need for them so I chucked them.

She was so tired. I could see Cookie’s smile from a mile away though. She
had a long day. I looked at her new baby boy who was absolutely perfect.
From his sweet eyes right down to his tiny toes there he was in front of my
eyes. I loved him more than anything…I loved all there was about him. He was
named after me. I couldn’t believe she would do that. Now I am not the best
person in the world. I have killed people and I have gotten others killed.

The next night…

It was a chilled night tonight as I looked upon the deep grassy hills and
the light sound of gun fire from a far distance. “Look at what you have been
born into,” I mumbled to the baby. The child cooed and looked at me with
those deep brown eyes. I couldn’t believe the beauty of this child. It was
like no other beauty I had ever seen before.

“My child has taken a liking to you Bo duke,” Cookie whispers. The yawn is
heard throughout the hut and I smile at the sound of it. Everything about
Cookie is beautiful. She was meant to have such a wonderful child like Bo. I
am proud to have her child named after me. The grace and beauty of it was
remarkable.

I couldn’t seem to get it out of my mind about the grace that must’ve been
in all children. I wondered how my father must’ve felt to hold me in his
arms like I am to this baby. I wish I had known my father. There was
something about not knowing him that made me sad. I wished and longed for a
second chance with him.

“What do you want me to do child?” I asked him softly. The baby cooed once
more and smiled as if it were laughing at me. Was I that obvious? “What are
you laughing at child?” The baby seemed to point somewhere. As I looked
outside I knew that it was time to go back though I didn’t know where my
unit was.

I knew that this was the only way I was ever going to make people happy. I
had to get out of there. I had to be a person again. Something in me had
wanted to be someone I wasn’t. Now I knew that it was time to go home. I
didn’t care what anyone else said. I knew they would send me home.

I had to go and she knew it too. “You have been bottled up here too long
haven’t you?” Cookie asked. I couldn’t believe she knew what I was thinking.

“Yes but how did you…” I began.

“You are a falcon. You like to move freely. Caged you attack as soon as the
open it. You need your peace of being home.”

“You understand then?”

“If I didn’t Bo, what kind of a friend would I be?”

“Are you sure you will be okay?”

“Xuan will take care of me as will everyone else. I know that you will
always be in my heart.” I hugged her and her new born son. I didn’t want to
leave but knew I had to get back. I had to return to my true home. I had to
be truthful again. I wanted everything to be as it was but I knew it never
could be ever again.

I never looked back at that place while I walked up the deep grassy hills. I
didn’t want to think about going back and then leaving again. I gave Cookie
my address though because I did want her to write to me.

I had written Luke everyday while I was at this place. I wrote Cooter as
well. I thought that it would only be fair since they sent me so many
letters. I guess sometimes it’s the little things that keep you alive. I
loved those little things with a passion.

One of the letters went like this:

Dear Luke,

Oh how I miss you. I miss the little things like hearing your wonderful
letters and looking at the ones you send from Uncle Jesse. I am probably
known to be dead right now but I want you to know I am alive. I am living in
a hospital run by locals. I don’t know why I am telling you this. If you
never get this letter I will feel sheepish but here I am writing you
regardless of my feelings.

How are you? I hope you are well and that someday I can repay you for the
kindness you have shown me. I am sorry about all the things I said to you
about this war. I know now why you went and I know now why you wish you
didn’t go. I am proud of you Luke for everything you have ever accomplished
in this world. I wouldn’t be surprised if you turned out not to be a farmer
though. I think that you will become much more no matter what you think.

I know that it will be hard for me to go back and pretend nothing happened.
Some things though are meant to be the way they are. I don’t ever want them
to be that horrible anymore. I can’t wait to talk to you again even if it is
for a couple of minutes. Your voice seems to calm all my fears.

I wish for you and long to have you home. I need you back Luke and I never
want you to forget that I love you. I know men aren’t supposed to say those
things but I guess this time you can make an exception. You are truly a
wonderful cousin. You have done more for me than I ever would ask for. I got
used to it. I don’t want to loose it. I know that not having you here has
proved me to be a person who can take care of himself but I still miss you
with all my heart.

You better tell me everything that is happening up there. I want to hear all
the details of what you have been doing. I do miss you and I know that you
know that. Just come back to me alive. I want to see your face just looking
at me and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I don’t want to
loose that at all. You are a great cousin and a wonderful friend.

Anyway I have to get my bandages changed but you know I wouldn’t end this
letter if it was any different. I wish I could have more time to tell you
how it is being stuck in a hut. But you too have things to do.

Love,
Bo

Days past and I was hot and felt terrible. I found some Americans that were
sure they could take me back to my unit. The ground was hot and sand was
getting into my worn boots. It was very got in those things. I just wanted
to take them off. I suppose though that the sand was hotter than I would
have thought. Also with all the artillery surrounding me it proved to be
impossible.

There they were…what was left of my unit. Sergeant Rogers was standing up at
the front. I couldn’t believe it, he was the same old guy. Thank goodness he
didn’t see me there. Rogers was giving a speech to his new troops. There was
something familiar about that speech.

“Welcome to my outfit. Many people would rather die than be here in this war
you know. I know I would love to be at home right now in my own bed. Here I
am though giving you a speech,” Rogers began. I was standing behind him
mimicking him. People started to snicker. “Is there something wrong with my
performance?”

“No sir,” Answered the men.

“Alright then I will keep on going. I am happy they gave this job to me
instead of someone else.” The laughter continued. “Is there something on my
face that I didn’t know about?”

“No sir.”

“Please refrain from laughing.”

“Yes sir.”

“If you doubt me I want to hear it from you and not your buddies. This is
what fighting for, look at each one of you. All of you are American
soldiers.” The laughter was coming out of their noses. I couldn’t believe
how hard it was for them to hold it all in. “Okay that’s it, the next person
that laughing will be digging latrines.”

“Yes sir!”

“We are fighting for love, liberty, justice and the American way. Simple
respect, that’s all I ask of all of you. Not just me, you will respect
everyone and everything. You will even respect the enemy. They are people
too; you will respect them when we capture them. They have fought just like
you have. You have no right to treat them rotten. You will also respect
their land.” As I put up the moose antlers behind him everyone burst out
laughing. Rogers finally turned around.

“You don’t have to be so serious. Haven’t you learned anything from me?” I
asked him. Sergeant Rogers was in tears. I couldn’t believe I made him cry.
I know it wasn’t funny. Oh well. I would never grow up in my heart no matter
how long I was out here for.

“Troops…let me introduce you to my old boss…Captain Duke…better known as
Little Duke,” Sergeant Rogers commented. I didn’t think of him to call me
boss. I wasn’t his boss I was his friend. “He taught me a lot about
commanding an outfit.”

“What have you learned?”

“That calling you boss isn’t the best way to go on things.”

“That’s right.” I looked at the new boys in this outfit. They looked younger
than me somehow. Yet they were still much older. I didn’t know what it was
about those young men that seemed to look younger every year. I couldn’t
tell how old they were now. Sometimes I didn’t even remember how old I was.
I couldn’t believe how long I had been here.

Some things never change though. I couldn’t change for anyone no matter how
much I tried. I had to be a baby again. I didn’t know why either. Sometimes
you need to be younger than you are to survive. I suppose that things like
that affect others. Most of the men that were in my unit did have that
attitude about them. They were all special. I don’t know what to tell people
when they asked how I did it. I just did my best.

I walked around with this man almost all night. I just wanted to ask him
questions and see what he was up to. I couldn’t believe it when they told me
about Dubois. He was scheduled for a funeral here and then off to be buried
as a hero. I wasn’t about to stand for that. I would stay here even if they
tried to drag me out.

Well I didn’t stay in my unit long. Once they found out about my broken ribs
I was off to hospital again. I hated how they would do that. It was so
annoying. I still couldn’t help but think who had gotten the message. The
report that I was missing in action I mean. I couldn’t bare it any longer.
So when it was a reasonable time in the states I called over. It was 6:30 PM
here which made it roughly made it 8:00 AM. I didn’t care how early it
was…this wasn’t that early to farm folk. I had to call now.

The operator connected me from Tokyo to Honolulu to San Francisco to who
knows else where before finally bumping my call over to Hazzard. When the
operator was done her speech I was connected. “Cooter it’s me, you wouldn’t
believe what happened. I got into a big trouble with this war and this idiot
shot up firecrackers in the middle of a secret mission. I was lucky to make
it out alive. I couldn’t believe what happened,” I began to jabber.

“It’s nice to hear you too but I ain’t Cooter,” Vance replied.

“Oh no…I was lying…I ain’t…”

“Oh but you are there, Bo and I want to know why right now!” Oh man was I
gonna get it. I didn’t do anything like this before and now Vance finds out.

“Vance…I wanted to save your life. I told you I would.”

“So what, you took my birth certificate? So you joined the war? Bo, I
thought you were smarter than that.”

“You were drafted and I wasn’t about to let you die.”

“Coy thought it was…all of his fault. I didn’t know what to think.”

“I read all of your letters and everyone else’s to Luke.”

“Luke knew about this and never told us? What kind of people are you? How
could you do this to your family! I was sure you were both so much smarter.
Now I hear about this. I receive a message that I am missing in action. How
could I be missing in action if I was right here? Then I figured it out.”

“Van…”

“Look, you can’t do this to me and give me a big guilt trip. Everything you
told me was nothing but a lie. Everything in that letter was a lie. I don’t
ever want to talk to you again. You have hurt this family more than words
can say. How could you even think not to tell Uncle Jesse?”

“How could I tell him?”

“Uncle Jesse I joined the army.”

“Vance, don’t be such a jerk.”

“You don’t understand how I feel about being there without being there. You
do not know how it is like to try to help a cousin and not get rewarded for
it. I didn’t want you to die. I told you that I would do that for you.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

“Are you going to say anything else to me? Like thank you or I am sorry
about getting into fights with you…something Vance anything like that.
Something to tell me that you really do care for me and don’t hate me; I
need to know.”

“You want something from me?”

“No…I want nothing from you I don’t want you to think I want anything back
from you. Just know that I did this out of love. Not out of spite.”

“You didn’t do me any favours! In fact you horrified all of us. We were sure
you were dead. We were sure that you didn’t make it past a few months. You
phoned Uncle Jesse that day and he never stopped crying for a minute. I have
never need him cry that much in my life. You don’t understand why everyone
hates you…or at least I hate you.”

“Did you tell Uncle Jesse?”

“Not yet. I won’t either. I will let you tell him if you come home or by a
death certificate which ever comes first.” Vance hung up the phone on me.
Well that went well. I thought that I would at least be told that I scared
him to death. Oh no though, Bo wasn’t a hero…Bo was an evil little child
that was supposed to be shot down over and over again. Well I wasn’t about
to take this.

I didn’t want to go home now. This was worse than anything I had ever heard
of before. I had never heard anyone talk to me like that. He wanted me dead.
He didn’t really care about me at all. Well that was just great.

I had lost a cousin now over this. I didn’t want him to think that I was a
big spineless person. However I wasn’t like that at all. I did do it for me
and I did it for him. I wanted to be someone and I guess I never will be
that someone.

There was only one advantage out of all of this, Vance was a Major and I was
a civilian. I was so proud of that. But still…he would be mad at me. To have
Vance mad at me was the worst feeling in the world.