by: Essy Jane

Well there it was…welcome to Hazzard County. The sign I have been dreading
to see since I left. I suppose it would be like old times. I would be
fishing with the boys who were now grown up men. Maybe chasing after girls
who were not so appealing anymore; finding ones who were not only pretty but
mature. That would be a hard task. The same old rolling hills surrounded me.
I loved it more than anything but I just was not about to give up my old
life as a soldier.

There is much I have to leave behind but can’t seem to let go of. Like the
gun for instance…I was afraid to loose it. As I recall it was something
about me getting shot while on the plane. I don’t know how I got that idea
but maybe it was fatigue. I also couldn’t let go of what happened that day.
A lot of men were lost…I wish they weren’t.

I couldn’t believe my bus was coming to a stop here. I was really home. But
would it be my home? I mean with Vance being the way he was on the phone. I
didn’t know what to think. It was almost like I was coming into a new war
zone after leaving another one. It was going to be so weird coming back.

I sat down on the bench and took a deep breath wondering what I was going to
do with my life. I suppose I couldn’t go back to the way I was. Then again I
was an artist. If I couldn’t act through this I couldn’t do this. I loved to
act and the whole world was a stage to me at times. I could pretend I was
dumb but getting through those lost feelings would be hard.

I couldn’t help but think of things though. I wondered if they would ever
accept me again. I mean honestly, I am family but that doesn’t mean
anything. Vance thinks I am scum. I didn’t mean to be that way to him. I
didn’t mean to hurt him by joining the American dream. By joining the dream
I saved his life and fulfilled my own dream. I mean who could ask for more?
I saved his life and helped myself at the same time. Was it stupid? Of
course it was. You know if I hadn’t have joined the army I might have been
going to college. But what would have happened to Vance? I couldn’t think
about it.

I was also scared. I couldn’t tell anyone of what happened to me. I couldn’t
even breathe a word of what I saw and I knew that. All I could do was
whisper to myself. Mumbled words that would never hit the ears of anyone but
Luke and Cooter; Vance would never want to hear it. So I was practically
alone.

I was wearing my old clothes that I hadn’t worn since I got to the army.
They were fairly clean and looked the same way before I left them. I didn’t
bother asking Cooter for a ride I had been walking for the past three years
almost everywhere we had to go. There was no point stopping now.

I was seventeen and it was two months to summer vacation. I didn’t want to
miss a minute of it. My friends would all be getting out of school. I walked
along the Hazzard roads and wondered if I would be accepted back into my
Uncle Jesse’s life still.

I walked a long way from the bus station and as I saw my beautiful farm, I
noticed that everyone was working hard as usual. No one really looked up at
first. Uncle Jesse and Vance were in the fields. Daisy was making lunch and
Coy was chopping wood.

“You look busy,” I mumbled.

“Well I am just cutting wood Bo and…Bo! You’re home and you’re okay. Uncle
Jesse will be happy to see you. You wouldn’t believe how happy,” Coy
replied. Daisy walked out of the house and screamed at the sight of me. Well
at least I wasn’t ridiculed by these two. Daisy had me in a bear hug at
first sight.

“You stayed away too long you!” Daisy exclaimed.

“I missed all of you!” I shouted back. As Uncle Jesse came over from the
field, his sad face changed to a grin. Though I can’t say the same thing for
Vance, he looked at me and turned away almost like I was the worst person in
history.

Uncle Jesse didn’t need to say anything…he was in shock. He looked at me and
wrapped his arms around me. Uncle Jesse cradled me like a baby. The tears
came through despite the fact that I tried to hold them back. I couldn’t
help it. I missed him more than life. I didn’t want to leave ever again.

He walked me into the house and brought me into his room. I sat down on the
bed and I looked him in the eyes. Uncle Jesse looked at me…he looked right
into my very soul. I knew that he could see something that he hadn’t before.
“Did you finish finding who you were?” Uncle Jesse asked as he closed the
door. I smiled at him and wondered what in the world made him think that I
didn’t have it before.

“I did. I won’t ever leave again,” I answered.

“Don’t say that because I know that it is not true. Bo there will come a
time when you can’t stay anymore. You will move on with your life and I will
still be here when you need me. You can’t be here for the rest of your life
though.”

“Uncle Jesse…I can’t leave you. I don’t want to go for a long time.”

“You don’t have to. Bo you stay here as long as you need to. You will have
to earn your keep though. This ain’t a free ride.”

“I am so happy to be home.”

“Vance told me he wanted to leave when you got home. I don’t know why he
does but I guess that’s the way it is.”

“He doesn’t want to be around me. I am sorry I even came home but I couldn’t
stay away any longer.”

“I would rather have you here than out who knows where at the dead of
night.”

“I am sorry I never really called.” The only thing I did do was mail letters
to Cooter and I would tell him to use his post cards from around the country
and put my messages on them. That was the best I could do.

“You gave us post cards and may I say that they were all very nice. I don’t
know how you got to California.”

“I am surprised I did too. I thought for sure I would stop and go right
home.” I wish I went to California. I loved it there. I hadn’t been there
since I was 5 years old. I wanted to just go and fun with Luke and everyone.
Just then I remembered Luke.

“You don’t have to lie to me about anything do you understand?”

“Yes I do…Uncle Jesse I do know that I don’t have to lie to you.” Did he
know? How could he? I know Vance wouldn’t tell no matter how angry he was.
Cooter would never tell him nor would Luke. They weren’t like that.

“Bo…no matter what happens I love you and I want to care for you always.”

“Thank you.”

Two weeks later I met with the principal in the school. Same old Mr. Jingles
in the same of chair thinking of the same old things drinking out of the
same old coffee mug, a very dull man I must say.

“And that’s what happened. I know that it has been a long time principal
Jingles. Now I know I wasn’t always the best kid but I want my Uncle to see
me walk the stage,” I tried to explain.

“Bo Duke, you mean to tell me that you went for Vance?” Principal Jingles
asked.

“Yes I did and I fought for my country, my cousin and for myself. I guess I
had to just to find out just exactly who I was and if I belonged.”
“You really want to take the course again?”

“Yes I do. I know it will be like review again but I really want to do it.”

“Your Uncle doesn’t know that you were there?”

“I am not sure. He seems like he knows but at the same time he doesn’t. I
suppose I will never know if he really knows what went on. If I ask him I
might give it away. My Uncle knows us well.”

“Well Bo you’re lucky that we have an opening.”

“Thank you so much. I won’t let you down I promise.” I wouldn’t either. I
wasn’t about to let this guy down. I got back into football again too. The
coach couldn’t believe how much better I could throw since I came back.

Running came a lot easier too. I could run longer than I ever did before.
Sometimes I felt like I could run through the crowds. Being a quarter back
was a lot of responsibility. Passing the ball and knowing who to give it to
and why not to give it to others. You have to think very hard though people
don’t think so. We’re often referred to as dumb jock. I ain’t a dumb jock.

Anyway, here we were doing practice game against the juniors and having fun
doing it. All plays start when the ball is snapped by the “center”–a
special position of an offensive lineman, Shane, who is the closest to the
ball. He will hold the ball down on the ground and will pitch it or hand it
between his legs back to a player behind him. This is called a “snap.”
When the center actually moves the ball is verbally signalled by the
quarterback or whomever will receive the ball at the snap. It’s not too
complicated to most. Though half the people don’t even know how the game is
played.

Anyway the offense, the men that make all the scoring plays, have only four
‘chances’ in terms of plays. Well they need to advance the football either
far enough to score a touchdown or more likely advance the ball far enough
to gain another four chances. Each chance is called a “down” and therefore,
these are called the first, second, third, and fourth downs possible.

Our mission was to achieve going ten yards. The juniors were smarter than we
thought though. Somehow when I threw it was grabbed by one of them. The guys
started running after him. I couldn’t believe how fast this little bugger
was going. He went 10 yards then 20 and finally was tackled. The game ended
and we won of course but that was the biggest play of the day.

Back to school, I did my homework and class and played football after
school. This was in attempt to stop the nightmares. What nightmares you may
ask? Well the ones I seem to have every night. I can see men from the army
being killed. I don’t sleep after they happen. I don’t know if I can deal
with it sometimes.

I get tired sometimes but the dreams are too much. I would see people like
Dubois looking at me like he did before he died. I don’t want to sleep
because I am afraid of what I may find in those dreams. I couldn’t do it
anymore. I had these bags under my eyes and I got about three hours of sleep
a night. Sometimes it was enough but other days I just couldn’t do it.

I worked on the farm too. I never would stop working for Uncle Jesse. In
fact I fixed the fence and painted it too. When Uncle Jesse saw it he was
surprised. I never made that kind of effort before. “You know it is about
time I did something for you. I mean I have been gone for so long,” I would
say. However he thought no different when I was here. Uncle Jesse wanted
everything to be exactly like it was before. It would never be that way
though.

I don’t know what it was about everyone but they seemed to become
happier…except Vance. He was permanently mad at me. I didn’t like that one
bit. It was almost like coming home to nothing. I couldn’t stand what was
going on lately. He ignored me and constantly gave cold stares when he did
pay attention to me. I didn’t want to hurt him. I thought that he would be
pleased at never going into the army. I suppose I would never have him as a
best friend again.

Daisy and I started doing more together. I didn’t mind anymore about her
being a young woman. She wasn’t that bad. Daisy was trying to teach me to
cook again and I had to pretend I knew nothing once more. I hated doing that
but she wasn’t able to teach me before how would she teach me now?

“Bo you are very bad at this stuff,” Daisy laughed. I continued mixing this
and that in even though I knew it would turn out terrible.

“Well you know some people aren’t meant to cook,” I replied.

“You are Bo you really are meant to cook and I know it. It’s just you need
to learn because it is important.”

“I can’t learn Daisy…you have never been able to teach me before how in the
world do you think you will be able to do it now?”

“How in the world did you survive on your own?”

“I had a job…it was a live in deal where other people did all the cooking
for me. Now it wasn’t a bad job or anything.”

“Well what did you do in your job?” I wasn’t expecting that. The only thing
I could think of was the army. I didn’t do much there…just protect people
and shoot guns at the enemy. I had to make up something.

“Well I…protected people from harm.”

“That’s why you got shot?”

“Yes…I jumped in front of someone and took a bullet.”

“Like in the secret service or something…is that what job you were doing?”

“Yeah…something along those lines Daisy. I was working for the government.”
I wasn’t lying to her there. I was working for the government. But she was
still giving me that look. I couldn’t tell her the truth.

“So you don’t want to tell us where you have been for almost three years…I
suppose that is fine.”

“Daisy, if I could tell you I would. I just don’t want you to be horrified
about what has happened. I should never have left but I did anyway. I didn’t
want anyone to feel any pain.”

“Bo…”

“Daisy…how have you been for the past while? I would rather catch up on
you.”

“Well…we have been having a great few years but wished you were in them. I
suppose I shouldn’t say that but it is the truth.”

“Sometimes you have to say those things to keep yourself alive. I understand
Daisy. I should’ve been there.”

“I wish you never left. So much was destroyed when you walked out of those
doors. I have never seen Vance look at you the way he has since you came
back. He was always stomping around the house and everything. I don’t want
to see it anymore. I want you to make up with him.”

“I would Daisy but you see…”

“No! I have heard enough excuses now why don’t you just get off of your duff
and do it?”

“I don’t know if he will listen to me.”

“If he doesn’t listen then it is his loss. At least you’re trying. Do it
before he leaves.”

“Alright Daisy…I know you’re right.”

“I know I am right…I am just glad you finally see that I am.”

“You are a great cousin. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Thanks Bo. Now do what you need to do and quit stalling. Don’t you say
another word to me ya hear?” I knew that I was stalling but I wouldn’t admit
it. I was afraid to face Vance again. There was something about him that
scared me. But I couldn’t let that stick in my mind. I suppose I was being
silly but I couldn’t help it. He was the kind of guy that needed to be
treated delicately. I hadn’t been keeping up to my end of the bargain. I had
treated him like a piece of meat on a stick. It was certainly the wrong idea
and I shouldn’t have taken this so far.

I stood up and walked towards the barn where Vance spent most of his day.
Uncle Jesse was worried about him doing that. I was too as was Coy…Daisy
too. I suppose we were all worried with how he was acting. It wasn’t exactly
his most normal behaviour after all to keep himself from all of society. He
would never leave the barn when I was around.

Vance loved to keep to himself. Not going near a soul. I suppose it had
gotten worse since I had left according to Uncle Jesse’s letters anyway. It
didn’t seem very good. I suppose things couldn’t be changed. I couldn’t
stand how much he had changed.

I turned around and walked back into the house grabbing a bag filled with
the letters that I had written and that everyone else had written as well. I
looked through them and pulled out all of the ones I wrote for Vance. I
walked out of the house and looked at Daisy who was painting her toenails. I
rolled my eyes at the sight but didn’t mind it all that much. I was so used
to being surrounded by men that I forgot how it was like to have a girl in
the house. Oh well, onto the task at hand.

As I walked into the barn I looked at him. Vance’s back was turned to me and
I knew he wouldn’t turn around either. I knew it be hard to do this. I
thought I could at least get him to do something. I turned him though
because I wanted him to face me. I could see the tears running down his
face. Vance punched me in the face. I went down to the ground.

“I guess I deserved that,” I mumbled to myself. I rubbed the spot where I
had been hit. “You feel better now?” Vance shook his head no and continued
to cry. I didn’t know exactly what to make of it. “Are you mad at me?” Vance
shook his head no. This was certainly a tough case. “What were you worried
about me or something?” Now Vance broke down and sobbed. I didn’t know if I
should continue with my original plan or not. I didn’t know if he would
appreciate it.

“You left,” Vance finally said.

“Yeah I did Vance. I left home and I joined the army under your draft
notice.” I pulled out the note and he looked at it. Vance pounded hard on
one of the barrels almost breaking it.

“You shouldn’t have.”

“I still did though and I hurt you because of it.”

“You did.”

“Can you say a sentence that is bigger than three words or less?”

“I can.” I took out a letter that I wrote to Vance when I first got there. I
looked at it and almost cried myself. I read it out loud to him:

Dear Vance,

I am here in your place. I don’t know if I can do it now. I have these long
talks with myself trying to figure out why I am doing this. I don’t want you
to die. I know I have been mean and rude to you. I know that I haven’t
treated you with the respect you deserve. I think that many times over I
hated trying to be just like you. I am not you though. I could never match
up to you. Maybe someday you will understand why I had to do this. Maybe you
won’t ever find out…maybe you won’t see this letter.

I hope you are well. I hope you have the best of luck out on the farm. You
are very skilled when it comes to agriculture. I could see you running your
own farm one day. I know that you would like that too. You would love to
take care of a farm and tell everyone how well you do.

I want to tell you why I am doing this but I don’t know how. I looked at
those forms and I almost died. You didn’t deserve this. I didn’t ever want
our family to go through that again. Something about you being in the army
scared me. At least when I went to join Coy still had his Vance.

I would never want him to loose you like I lost Luke. You need his
companionship just as much as I need Luke’s. I miss him more than anything
and I cry myself to sleep nights when I don’t see him. It’s impossible to
keep those tears up. I suppose that things were not as they should be. I
couldn’t just pretend that I didn’t miss Luke because I did. You know why I
miss him? He’s the only one that understands me just as well or better than
Uncle Jesse. You know that though…I don’t know why I explain things twice I
just do.

Do you want to know what I miss most about home? Each and every one of you
having fun together at the farm, it’s just great to see. I like watching you
do things together. I wish I could be there right now.

I could explain the many horrors of war but it wouldn’t be worth it. I know
ruining your day with tales of blood and horror isn’t the way to go. I know
that it would be a humbling experience but I couldn’t push that on you.

Just know that I miss you very much. If I should die don’t think that I
didn’t accomplish anything. I did my best in this family and I am sorry if I
caused you pain. I hope you understand. Please don’t think I had to do this.
I did it because I wanted to.

You stay safe and know I care.

Love always,

Bo Duke.

Vance looked at me with those big blue eyes of his. He was in tears and I
couldn’t help but hold him in my arms. “I was afraid that you…that you died.
I wanted you to be alive at every moment. I wished it was me there. I wished
that you were back here and I was there,” Vance cried out.

“You couldn’t have known…you couldn’t have done anything. I did it because I
didn’t…” I began to say.

“No, you shouldn’t have had to have me be like that. I was scared.”

“You are too kind but I am here now. Don’t think that you can lean on me.
Don’t think that you can’t because I am younger. For a time I was just as
old as you were.”

Thanks Bo…I am sorry I slugged you.”

“No problem, I needed something to match with my suit jacket anyway.”

“Where are you going?”

“There’s a hayride tonight, student council is putting it on. I figure I got
to learn how to be childish again…it will take a while for me.”

“Just to let you know I never did tell Uncle Jesse. I didn’t think that
would be fair to you. Though your death would be hard to explain…I am sorry.
I suppose things just ain’t happening like I want them to. I shouldn’t be
leaving. I wish I didn’t have to but I signed up for that flight and all. I
am going to miss you more than life. You do know that don’t you? Here you
were for so long and I wouldn’t even talk to you.”

“Don’t feel bad about it.”

“I will always feel bad about it Bo…I don’t care how much anyone tells me
otherwise…it was stupid.”

“Vance…”

“No Bo…you will understand one of these days and when you do will know why I
feel so awful about this.”

I already did though. I knew how he was feeling but I didn’t think to say
anything about it. How could I tell him in words he would understand? I
couldn’t burden him with it either. I couldn’t let him think that it was his
entire fault.

Anyway, I let him go when the plane without a grudge. It took off and I
didn’t sob about it unlike I did with Luke. I learned something though that
day. He really was his own personality. Vance was his own person. He had
everything in his life ahead of him. I would miss him and so would Coy. I
had to help this cousin out until he could get out there to but how?

Coy and I were never apart now. Everywhere I went was with Coy. He would
walk me to school when I missed the bus. He would do everything. We had
gotten so close that it was unbelievable. Everyone would call him Luke by
accident. I thought it was funny but Coy didn’t like it one bit. He was
happy being himself and not someone else. I could understand. I don’t want
to be anyone else either.

How could a town be so dull to me? There hadn’t been any action in weeks.
However there was a change in the law enforcement. Sheriff Coltrane has
hired a deputy. Enos Strate. I think it’s wonderful considering the Strate’s
family have been friends of our clan since Uncle Jesse was a kid. Magnus
Strate is an amazing man. I personally think that Enos learned a lot by his
grace. Now that he was gone Enos took care of his sick mama. One way of
doing it was working this job.

Now as we were walking from that fishing hole once again, things were about
to get interesting. Cooter Davenport had taken Boss Hogg’s car again. That
Cooter will never learn. I wondered why he did it this time. I wouldn’t be
able to later until Rosco caught him. “Now that’s a sight,” Coy commented.

“Davenports have a fuse…a short fuse,” I replied.

“Well he took it to the extreme this time.”

“Maybe Boss didn’t pay his bill again.”

“Or maybe Rosco rubbed off on him.”

Rosco is a good man. He always seems to do great things for this County.
Well that is until yesterday. Boss told him that he wouldn’t get his
retirement package or something. He’s been stomping around ever since then.
I don’t know if that would make him feel awful. I would feel bad after
working for so long and then to receive nothing for it. I didn’t know what
was going to happen to that old man.

Miss Tizdale was her usual self just having fun and kicking back. She
delivered her mail on time. Uncle Jesse was still the person she sought most
after. I could see her there everyday doing something for him. Uncle Jesse
didn’t like it all that much but he was still around.

Besides that, all was normal. There wasn’t anything I would rather do than
spend time with my family and that’s exactly what I was going to do. Coy and
I were good now. I still beat up people that bothered him but it wasn’t half
as much as it used to. He’s one of those…awesome guys. I really like him and
always will admire the guy. Even if he can’t stand up for himself he’s got
other qualities. However, I knew Luke would teach him how to box. I wasn’t
about to tell him that though. After all, I am Bo Duke and I am the best at
keeping secrets.
Three weeks later…

Uncle Jesse was going off to help another sick friend. How many times did he
have to do that? I didn’t want to be without him. I suppose I got a little
bit clingy when I came back from the war. I didn’t want him to leave ever.
There was something about it that wasn’t fair. I felt like a child again.

“Now I will be only a phone call away. Anne Baker is pregnant and her
husband is out of town. I told Kyle Baker that I would take care of Anne.
Now if she goes into labour I am sure Daisy can handle it. So don’t worry
Coy, Bo all will be fine,” Uncle Jesse commented. I could deliver that kid
if I had to. I didn’t really want to though. Memories flowed back of Cookie
and her child. I wondered how they were doing. I missed everyone back there.

“I will make sure Coy and Bo don’t get into big trouble Uncle Jesse,” Daisy
teased.

“Trouble, we ain’t trouble are we Bo?” Coy questioned slyly. I couldn’t
believe it. He was turning into me. I didn’t want him to be me but it was
cute.

“Not at all,” I replied. I picked up Daisy and took her into the house. She
was yelling at me just begging me to put her down but I didn’t care to. I
took her over to the sink and turned it on.

“Bo no, no you couldn’t…you wouldn’t!” She screamed. Of course I would. I
missed doing stuff like this. I put her head under the sink. Daisy laughed
and smacked me all at the same time. She was a good kid. Uncle Jesse walked
into the house and rolled his eyes. I know that I was acting young but why
not?

“I don’t think I should leave,” Uncle Jesse laughed.

“Oh they’re fine,” Daisy answered.

“You boys respect her or I will take you over my knee and you know I can.
Now I am out of here.”

“I hope your friend gets better.”

“So do I Daisy girl. I am sure he will be okay.”

“We will see you.” Well that was it. He went into his truck and was gone
once again. I couldn’t believe this, I missed him already. Parting from him
is like leaving a good friend of mine. I didn’t want to leave anyone
anymore. I didn’t want to live life like it was a slack period at school. I
didn’t want to waste my life. It was a dream of mine to be great now it is a
dream on mine to be me.

Well the days went on and everything seemed to go okay…well that is until
Mary-Jo got sick. Dang, everyone had to get sick didn’t they? Well anyways,
Daisy had to go help out at the boarding house for a while as Mary-Jo needed
to get better. I couldn’t blame her for that at all. I just wished that
Daisy would stay.

It was a stormy night as any spooky one could be. The sky was dark and
clouded right over. The lightning lit up the sky. I could hear the thunder
echo from a far. Somehow it made me feel at ease. I was used to loud noises
and all that. It was almost like being back in the crowd of soldiers. Though
I could tell the difference between bombs and blasts of thunder however I
liked it all the same.

We were watching one of those TV movies and I was enjoying it. It was a
western. The best movies on TV right now were westerns. The rest were like
war films and those mushy kinds that a guy would rather avoid than watch.
Well that’s the way it was though. I would watch them if a girl asked me. I
would watch them and wonder how in the world the hot guy always seems to get
the perfect girl and live happily ever after. Does it really work that way?
Well gosh I don’t think so but it could. It always seems to be the same way
though. Everyone fights and then makes up. What if they don’t make up? What
if everything is wrong?

I mean Vance and I almost never talked again. I don’t know how our family
would have took it if we were both silent to each other forever. Now we talk
on the phone all the time. I wish I could do that with Luke. I don’t even
know where he really is right now. He wrote a letter two weeks ago talking
about how glad he was that I was alive and well. I guess if Vance recognized
that Luke knew about me in Vietnam he might not have been so scared.

“This is the good part Bo I can feel it,” Coy said. He turned up the sound
and inched closer to the television.

“You are going to wreck your eyes you know,” I laughed.

“Maybe so but that guy has got a big gun; he’s going to shoot the hero in
the back.”

“How could you know that? I thought you said you haven’t seen them before.”

“I haven’t seen it.”

“Then how could you know that this is going to happen?”

“It’s a guess.” Right at that very moment the man did shoot the hero in the
back. However he didn’t die. Why? Well he was wearing a metal plate of
course. Man I wish I could have thought of that while I was getting shot at.
Suddenly the power went out.

“I guess we better go and check the fuse box.”

“Sure, but maybe a power line went down.”

“That’s possible too.” As we walked outside I could have sworn that I saw an
image of someone walking. I thought it was just me though. I shone the
flashlight on the box and played around with the fuses. We stuck in new ones
where the lights and TV were on. Nothing seemed to work so of course Coy was
right about two things. That’s surprising for him.

I saw the image move again. “Did you see that Bo?”

“I thought I was going crazy.” The image seemed to sway as it walked closer
and closer. Coy held on tight to my sleeve. I didn’t know what to think. It
could be anything. It could be nothing. As the dark image fell I ran towards
it, flashing my light on it. That it was a she, Anne. She was breathing
heavily.

“Oh…I crashed my car into your back fence…I am sorry. I didn’t know what to
do when the pain started,” Anne exclaimed. She was in heavy labour and you
could totally tell. I didn’t know what to do with her. Okay first things
first. I picked her up and brought her into the house. I didn’t want to do
this in the dark.

“Coy, do we still have those antique lanterns?” I asked.

“I think we do Bo…Uncle Jesse still has some sort of oil for it too,” Coy
replied.

“Get them fast.” Coy ran out of the room and went for the lanterns. My
second delivery wow how lucky am I? If you can’t tell I was being sarcastic.
I suppose that I should be happy but I am not. I have helped someone give
birth but this time I have no power. I don’t even have a stove. I don’t
think I can do it. Coy looks like he’s going to faint and I am sure he is. I
can see it in his forehead. He’s sweating up a storm. I can’t believe it.
This coming from a man who has been in war and has seen almost every weird
sight around; I didn’t think he was scared.

I looked at the young woman and almost held my breath. She was sore and
almost out of breath. Anne wasn’t at all like Cookie. Cookie had this
strength about her that I couldn’t quite explain. She was just a whole lot
better at this.

Okay, now I had to think back to those medical books that I was reading. I
remember a couple things. One a woman is close to delivery when her water
has broken. Two, labour alone could last longer than three days. Now when
you remember stuff like that you get nervous. I wasn’t about to show it
though.

Just because this was my second delivery didn’t mean I had to go crazy.
Besides that Coy was doing a good enough job at being Looney for two people.
I didn’t think I had to add to the pot. Well anyway, Coy reminded me that
the phone lines were down…not just once like a million times.

The labour was all night. I couldn’t ease her pain or anything. Anne’s water
hadn’t broken yet. I didn’t know really what to do. I didn’t want to send
Coy anywhere because well…I would need assistance. When the power came back
online I was very happy. At least we had one thing on our side. I suppose
this would be big. Some things couldn’t be stopped. You know now that I
think of it we could use CB’s to communicate. But then again with Coy on the
CB life would be a little too hard. With the way he was running around I
figured it wouldn’t be a good idea.

“Bo I can’t do this. You know what I ain’t ever delivered a baby before!”
Coy screamed.

“Calm down Coy,” I laughed.

“Calm down! I wouldn’t be able to do that even if you gave me a relaxant.”

“I am delivering the baby, okay? Don’t worry about anything.”

“I am older than you I should be delivering the baby.” Okay that made
sense…I think. He wanted to deliver the baby that was fine with me.

“Okay, go ahead.”

“No!”

“No what? What’s wrong now?”

“I will kill it!”

“Why did you offer if you think you can’t do it?”

“How would I know? You’re the smart one, remember? I don’t know what I am
doing here. I am scared. Bo…I can’t handle this!”

“You can and you will. Come off of it Coy, take it like a man.”

“A man, you want me to take it like a man? I ain’t a man I am a mouse.”

“Why don’t you do yourself a favour and go rip up sheets.”

“I can handle that.” That’s about the time Coy walked out of the room. I was
relieved he left. Anne was scared enough without this man standing over her
squeaking nonsense. In all honesty I think I would have shot Coy if he
hadn’t have left.

I couldn’t believe this. Not only was I delivering a baby but I had to do it
with a madman. There was something about child birth that seemed to scare
both men and women alike. With men it came out in extreme anxiousness that
was funny but annoying at the same time. Oh well, what could you really do?

Anyway, the time was coming near when she was to be delivered. I got out
extra pillows and put them behind her back. She looked more comfortable than
I do when I sleep. She was pushing pretty hard during contractions and
panted. Boy oh boy did I have my work cut out for me. Not as much work as
the little mother had. This was her first baby after all.

I washed my hands with alcohol and prepared the mother. “Okay ma’am, I need
you to put your knees to your chest and spread them. I am sure the baby is
coming soon,” I said as I let out a big grin. Always keep the mother calm. I
was doing my best there. I didn’t want to scare her.

“Is my baby going to be okay?” Anne asked.

“Why do you ask?”

“Have you ever delivered a child before?”

“Yes I have.”

“Okay…I was wondering if you have. I know Daisy has before. Your Uncle Jesse
taught her how to do it but…not…you.”

“Alright you are almost there Anne.” Coy walked in and boy was I glad to see
him…for once. “Coy please do me favour?”

“Oh no, I don’t want anything to do with this,” Coy replied. For goodness
sakes! I am about to do something to him. I then remembered my army training
and how people were scared of certain things when they were new to it. I
knew that this was the case with Coy. I suppose that would have to be cured.

“You are not chickening out on this!”

“I ain’t chickening out; I am running a way in a hysterical fashion.”

“How are you ever going to be a father?”

“Easy I won’t be…I will stay single.” Anne let out a loud shriek as the pain
over powered her. As soon as she did so, Coy did the same thing. “I can’t do
this! I can’t! I…” Coy finally fainted. That sure was interesting. I was
used to girls fainting. I usually laughed at guys that fainted. But now
things have changed. All I could do was shrug and put poor old Coy into a
bed. That was fine…accept, man alive, Coy had gained weight. I could barely
lift him. For being on the football team I was pretty darn weak.

“You are fat you know that?”

Hours later…

A baby girl was born. She was beautiful. I couldn’t believe that I had
delivered a second child. Coy was okay. He just had a big bruise on his head
from hitting the floor. I couldn’t believe that I had managed to do this.
She was so tiny. “There’s only one question left,” Anne commented.

“What would that be?” I asked.

“The name of the child…you did such a good job that I think you should pick
it.”

“Why would you want me to Anne Baker?”

“Well you delivered the child.”

“I wouldn’t know what to name it.”

“What’s your mother’s name?”

“Marie-Lynn…”

“Well we’ll just use Marie. That’s a beautiful name for a child. What was
your mom like anyway?” I had to smile and cry. Remember when I said my
mother’s death didn’t bother me too much? Well it did when people mentioned
it like this. I didn’t know what to say to people about her.

“I wouldn’t be able to tell you too much. It is hard for my Uncle to talk
about. Luke knew her better than I did.”

“I am sorry…I haven’t hurt you have I?”

“No…I don’t know her enough to say anything. All I knew was that she
somewhat looked like me.”

“Bo…”

“It’s nothing. Anyway I should check on Coy. Will you be alright here?”

“I sure will but you make sure you wipe away your tears.”

“I will.”

The next day…

Daisy came home and couldn’t believe I did that. I had delivered a kid. “You
have to be another person. I never thought in my cousin Bo would do it,”
Daisy mumbled.

“Well somebody had to do it and it wasn’t the fainting wonder over there,” I
replied.

“You have done good Bo. The baby looks healthy.”

“I think so too.” I received a letter. It was written real neatly by whom
else but Cookie. I couldn’t believe this. I opened it really slow and looked
inside. The paper was evenly folded and it had a wonderful scent to it. It
read:

Dear Bo,

I am sorry it took me so long to write you. After you left I found out that
my husband had died. Many of the men tried to comfort me but their
sympathies were like rocks hitting me over and over again. I wanted you but
you weren’t here. I missed you and didn’t know what to do. I suppose that
things happen for a reason like you always say to me. I don’t know what to
do anymore. I am continuing this small hospital. People are paying me with
what little they have.

As soon as all the war stuff clears up, I will probably go to school and
earn what I have lost. I know that this will be a challenge saving up to go
to the States again but I am very sure I can do it. I just hope I can do
it.

Bo, I don’t know what to do anymore. I need someone I honestly do. No one in
the world could ever make up for how you have been. Though you’re still a
young man I still love you. You were the one who delivered my child. You
were always at my side and I will love you forever because of that.

I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to live but I need to. For my baby and
for myself; I have to do it for you too. I know that I am not giving myself
enough time to adjust. Being a widow is hard though. My son will never know
how wonderful his father truly was. I don’t know if he will ever understand.

Please Bo; I don’t want you to write back. It would be too painful. Just
think of me and please don’t forget what you have done in this world. You
were such an important person in my life.

Love,

Cookie

I hoped that she would be okay. Cookie is a very special person and I
wouldn’t want her to be that hurt. Something about friendship brought out
the best in me. I felt like was a person and that I could achieve anything.
Sometimes things would be hard but I know I always have your memories
Cookie. They will always keep me going.

A baby…a letter, what a day! I wasn’t about to ever giving up on myself
again. There was nothing worse than a young man who gave up on the world
just with one problem. I know there is more than that one problem.

Coy came out of the house, he was holding the ice pack I gave him on his
head tightly. He looked really sore. Sometimes you would think that Coy was
still a baby but I was round. I didn’t know what to think anymore but I
liked him now. I looked at my cousin and smiled. There was something about
him that surprised me. He wasn’t that little sissy I left behind…well except
for when he fainted. He looked like a young man now.

I wished that I could have seen him grow up. I missed it. I missed it
because I had to take my show on the road. Vance is alive though and I
should be happy about that. However I am not. I am not happy that I don’t
have him around. We wasted all that time fighting and for what? He was gone
and I was stuck here. I was better off re-enlisting.

“Hi Bo, how does it feel to have delivered a baby?” Coy asked.

“It feels like I have done something good for this community,” I replied.
Yeah, since leaving, Uncle Jesse almost had a nervous break down wondering
where I was. Coy thought it was his fault. Sure, the least I could do was
deliver a kid.

“You know that you are a special person to us?”

“No I am not. I left y’all in the dust and I shouldn’t have. I left everyone
to tend for the farm.”

“Bo you did what you thought was right.” I joined the army and almost got
killed. Now was that what was right? I don’t think so. I suppose I was being
too hard on myself. I thought I was trying not to give up hope here. Well
maybe I hadn’t forgiven myself for what I had done. It was a harsh reality.
I shouldn’t be blaming myself for this. At the same time I couldn’t help but
do it.

“It wasn’t doing the right thing. I shouldn’t have left without telling
y’all where I was going and now I can never tell you. I will never be able
to tell you about my experiences that I have had.”

“Sure you can…you can tell me about anything.”

“No, I already started a few fights with what I did. I am not starting
anymore of them. We are just starting to get along now. I don’t want to ruin
that for any reason at all. I know that you think you would understand but
you wouldn’t.”

“Bo, all I can say is that I will be there for you always.”

“I know you will Coy, I know.” With a great embrace we ended a good
conversation. It wasn’t like these talks would ever end…they were all just
beginning.