by: Fang B. Strate
Yellow eyes glow in the dark at the cowering mouse in the corner.
“Ssssay, yer prayers, rodent! Yer mine now and ssssoon you will be lunch!” A nasally voice with a bit of a lisp came from the glowing yellow eyes.
“Please, please, Mr. Fang, sir. Don’t eat me. I’ve evaded you this far. Let’s call this hot pursuit a draw. Or you could tell all your friends you ate me and let me go instead.” The little brown mouse with soft tiny brown eyes pleaded.
The snake snorted in response, “All my friends are humansss and they don’t sssspeak ssssnake very wells. Besssidesss, Harry if I lets you go and that Ssssherriff fellow spotted you! He’d tell the Game Warden I wasss neglecting my dutiesss!”
Harry blinked in response, “Oh but Mr. Fang, sir. I wouldn’t go to the courthouse anymore.”
“Ha! You’ve ssstolen cheese from the Sssherriffss sandwich for the last time! Yer going down Harry,” The yellow eyes crept closer to the mouse, “Down my esophagusssss!”
The little mouse thief gulped as he stared at the yellow eyes. Then suddenly he jumped up poked his paws into the two yellow eyes and skittered past.
“Yeeeowww!” Fang yelped in pain, “Get back here yousss!”
“I’m sorry Mr. Fang! Not today.” Harry yelled back to the snake as he ran down the metal walls.
“Harry! Harry gets back here!” Fang yelled back as he recovered from the attack to his eyes. The snake then made a turn and slithered down the metal hallway, “Dang thisss air conditioning duct iss cold. Brrr.”
* * * * * *
Meanwhile in the lobby of the Hazzard County Bank…
Enos stood next to Daisy as she held a white sack. Bandit stood next to the deputy sheriff as Enos held the leash to the German Shepard.
“Sure is nice of MaryAnne to allow Bandit to do arm guard duty with you Enos, while she’s away on business.” Daisy replied, “I sure feel safe getting this money from the Boar’s Nest to the Bank now. Especially with that serial bank robber on the lose. Why who knows what could happen.”
“Well it’s actually a trip Daisy. She won an all expense get away weekend down at Disneyland in Florida on one of those scratch off thingys on those foam coffee cups at the Café. She was tickled to death about the trip but she didn’t want to leave Hazzard defenseless. But Sheriff Rosco he made her go. He said nuttin’ was gonna happen on his watch while she was gone.”
“Well, she should go. She deserves a weekend off. Boss had been workin’ her heavy shifts before she was leavin’.” Daisy replied as they waited in line to get to the teller.
The German Shepard stood keenly by. His ears flicked as he heard a noise coming from the air conditioning ducts in the bank. The noise was too silent for the humans to hear but he definitely heard it. It sounded like talking and scurrying in the metal ducting. Somehow the police dog recognized the voice but didn’t pay much attention to it. Simply because it wasn’t a threat to the current situation and would most likely distract him from his duty. Plus, it didn’t concern him.
“Harry! Get back here, now!”
“Sorry, can’t do that.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, come and get me!”
“I’ll come and get you! Come and get you for my lunch. Hold ssstill dang it!”
As all this was going on, the German Shepard then noticed a woman come into the bank. The woman wore dark pants and a dark long sleeve shirt. Covering her face was a black ski mask and she had a funny smell to her. Fact she had a slight sent of gun powder on her. The dog recognized this woman was packing heat. The posture of the German Shepard became alert and tense as she approached the line.
Enos felt the tug on Bandit’s leash and looked up to see the person all clothed in black whip out a pistol. He held tightly on Bandit’s leash as the canine snarled and stood his ground.
“Don’t anyone move. This is a stick up.” The person in black replied as they held the gun trained on the small crowd of people but mainly on the sheriff deputy and the dog that was with him.
Enos was going to put his hands up. Then realized if he let go of Bandit they could have more trouble on their hands. The large police dog was at full alert.
“Put all your money into this sack, wallets, jewelry, and cash.” The criminal threw one bag at the tiny crowd of people. Then she tossed another to the bank teller and snarled, “Fill it up”
Bandit growled at the woman and lunged on his leash toward her, but Enos held the dog at bay. She glared at the dog and officer. She clicked the hammer on the gun back and pointed it directly at Bandit.
Bandit continued to growl and bark at the thief. He wished so much his master was holding the other end of the leash. He knew she would come up with a plan but the German Shepard had no clue as to how this other officer operated.
If I just knew what he wants me to do, we could nail this woman to the wall and put her under the jail! The large dog snarled at the woman. He wanted so bad to tear that gun out of her hand and tackle her to the floor. Oh just let me at her! But she has a gun and she’ll shoot… Rats! How can I get that gun away from her and get these people to safety! As Bandit is pondering all this and standing his ground, the show down in the air ducts seemed to be heating up.
The cold boa was forcing himself to go down the chilly air duct after the warm blooded mammal and finding he was slowing down in pace. This started to give Fang some doubt as to whether or not he’d catch the little fur ball. Fang frowned in disappointment as he moved down the narrowing metal duct. His smooth belly slid across the cool metal like a hockey puck across ice.
“Bbbrrr, Haaarrry! You better st-st-stop now…” Fang now chattered as he crept forward but noticed there was light coming from end of the tunnel and the little mouse was slowing down.
“Harry!” Fang called again. The mouse was silent as he crept to the light. The snake couldn’t understand what was so fascinating about the light. Then Fang heard voices the emanated from below.
“Don’t anyone move. This is a stick up.”
Then a few barks and yells from Bandit are heard, “Alright lady.. Drop it! Drop it now!”
The snake slinked forward more to the light to see what the fuss was about. The narrow diamond shaped head slinked up by the little brown mouse that was perched over the air vent that the light was streaming from.
“What isss it Harry?” The shivering snake asked as he looked down to see the commotion below.
“Not sure… but Bandit sounds like he’s in trouble.” Harry stated as he looked down between the vents.
Bandit of course was still growling at the armed robber and held at bay from lunging at her. He bared his pearly white canines at the robber and grumbled some words in his dog language at her, “Listen you mangy greyhound of a woman, you drop that gun or you’re gunna wish you were at the pound with a pack of rabid Doberman pinchers after I get through with you…”
The German Shepard was tugging harder against Enos’s grip but the Deputy had a firm hold on him, “Bandit, down boy! Heel!”
“I’ll shoot that dog if you don’t get him to shut up. What’s taking so long with my money and your wallets! Hurry up! I don’t have all day… I may get trigger happy and shoot one of you if I don’t have my cash now!” The thin woman demanded waving the gun. Then glanced at Daisy, “You look like someone that would make a nice target, and give me that cash bag, nice and slow…”
“Listen, lady… I don’t know your game but…” Daisy answered as she started to hand over the bag of money.
“Shut up!” The lady barked then pointed the gun at Daisy and yanked away the cash bag, “NOW Hurry up!”
As the robbery was starting to come to a close, Fang looked to Harry, “We have to do something’s”
“But what can we do Mr. Fang? We don’t have any guns?” Harry shrugged, “We’re just a mouse and a snake.”
That’s when Fang got an idea, “We maybe just’ a sssnake and mouse but we’re a sssnake and mouse…”
Harry looked back oddly at Fang and scratched his head, “Hun?”
“Just follow me”
“Uh… Ok.”
Fang then moved over the slotted air vent and coiled himself up. He then made what sounded like a loud hiss to human ears but to any animal it was a distress call, “Bandit! It’sss Fang! Get the robber to ssstep under the air vent!”
Bandit’s ears perked up from their folded aggressive position to hear the message that was called down to him, “Fang?! What in blue blazes are you doing out of your cage! The Game Warden will have a fit!”
“I wasss in hot pur-sssuit of a cheese thief! I’ll explain more later… just get the chick to move under the air vent!” Fang called down.
“I would but the dipstick Deputy won’t let me go a bit. I want to subdue her but my leash is too short!” Bandit barked back.
“Turn on Enosss!”
“WHAT! You crazy?”
“Just do it!”
“I’m suppose to protect not go A-wall!”
“Bandit do it!”
“Fine!” the German Shepard barked back then turned around and lunged at his handler.
Enos yelped in fright at Bandit’s sudden movement and dropped the leash to his canine partner, “AAahhh!”
Bandit then quickly turned back to the woman who was now about to fire but was stepping back as well. She backed up two feet almost under the air vent.
“NOW! HARRY JUMP!” Fang yelled as he heaved his heavy coiled body up then down against the vent at the same time his mouse pursuitee jumped down against the cover as well. The force and weight of the two animals popped the screws to the vent cover and sent them down on top of the lady bank robber. She waved her hands in fright from the four foot boa landing on top of her and the mouse that landed in her hair and ran down the back of her shirt, “AAAAAAHHH!”
The gun then clambered to the floor and Bandit seen his moment, he tackled the woman to the ground and pinned her to the floor. The lady bank robber was now in the custody of the three animals of the courthouse.
“Let me go… Get these creatures off of me! AAAAhhhhh! Help!” She screamed.
Enos pulled out his handcuffs and came over to the woman and took her hand to pull her up and cuff her. Bandit backed off so Enos could do his job but Fang curled up on top of the lady’s head like a turban. Enos cringed as he watched the snake but forced himself to be close to the animal as the quivering in fear robber was being hand cuffed. Once Enos had the cuffs on Fang slinked down off the now cringing woman’s head and down her back to the floor where Harry was now waiting.
“Ma’am you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be held against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney…” Enos went on with the Miranda rights as the bank tellers were now calling the Sheriff. Soon Rosco arrived and took the robber away, Fang was taken back to his cage, and all order was restored to the bank.
* * * * *
The next day…
“I’m tellin’ ya Val. It’s like they all knew what to do!” Enos explained to his Game Warden sister in the booking room, “Bandit lunged at me but he was trying to get me to let go of his leash so he could get her under the vent then out of no where Fang and what looks like mouse just dropped from the ding danged vent! I ain’t ever seen anything like in my whole life!”
“Is that a fact?” Val chuckled not really buying her brother’s entire story as she held her pet snake in her arms. Fang was her partner in some ways. He had a job with the wildlife department as an educational example of snakes, but he was no trained guard snake or anything. How the heck could Fang know that lady was a bank robber? He’s just a snake that’s ridiculous! The boa just slithered around over Valerie’s shoulders and arms.
Bandit lay in the corner with his paws crossed over one another and resting his chin on them, just listening to the deputy speak.
“I swear! It was like they were talkin’ to one another and had a plan going Val. What if animals really can talk to one another, we just can’t hear’em!” Enos argued.
“Enos… I have a bachelor’s degree in biology, been a park ranger for thirteen years, and a game warden for almost three years now. I’ve never seen or heard animals talk to one another. Your notion is preposterous.” Val answered her brother, “Now, my dear brother if you’ll excuse me and Fang we have lunch to eat in my office.”
“What’d ya get?” Enos asked.
“Same thing Rosco got today. Cheese sandwich and tomato soup.” Val answered, “Cletus picked it up for us just and dropped it off just before you came in and he left for patrol.”
“Oh… Ok… Well, enjoy it. I got lunch before I came in.” Enos answered as he shuffled some papers on the desk.
“Good, because we don’t want you to go hungry.” Valerie answered as she left the booking room and headed to her office to put Fang away then wash up and eat.
Enos watched his sister go then sighed and fumbled with the papers. He looked over at Bandit then shook his head, “I don’t know how you knew what to do when you did it but you sure got me convinced ya’ll had a plan goin’…”
The German Shepard just glanced back at Enos without moving giving the deputy innocent puppy like eyes.
Enos sighed then shook his head and mumbled, “If Val doesn’t believe me… I sure bet MaryAnne and the Sheriff ain’t gonna believe me.”
Again Bandit just looked blankly back at Enos, but then he lifted his head and yawned slightly then lowered it back down on his crossed paws. A moment later Rosco came out of his office and Val came into the booking room, both holding two slices of bread in their hands.
“Hey did you get any cheese in your cheese sandwich, Rosco?” Val asked holding her clump of bread in her hands.
“Jit jit…Well Jumpin’ jehosphats! No, that’s the third time this week, I’ve ordered from the Busy Bee a cheese sandwich and the cheese is missin’!” Rosco protested, “You know I could swear there’s a cheese thief somewhere around this courthouse!”
“Must have a mice problem. I’ll set some traps.” Val answered.
“Dang mice… Stealin’ my cheese! Jit, jit! We’ll fix their wagons!” Rosco then grumbled and headed back into his office.
Yep I think things in the Hazzard courthouse are going back to what could be considered normal. Don’t you?
Author’s Notes:
Thisss is my first story. I know ya seen many of my mistress’s fiction but I felt it time to issue some of my own. I don’t know if I’m going to write another. I just would like to thank MaryAnne for allowing Bandit to appear in this short with me.
If I do decide to write another story, I am having Harry type next time. This one key at a time thing really puts a kink in the tail.
Ssssincerely yourssss,
Fang B. Strate