by: Kristy Duke

A sharp chills races quickly up and down my body despite the humid air that floats heavily in the large farm kitchen as she glares coldly at me for a long moment. Anger flairs wildly in her normally soft and kind brownish blue eyes as her Duke temper quickly rolls through her towards me. “Damn it Luke!” she finally cusses under her breath as she quickly turns her back towards me to glare out the small window that hangs over the kitchen sink and over the front porch. An cold hard silence quickly enters the room amongst us as she attempts to control her anger while I sit silently at the forest green kitchen table, drinking my coffee, while my thoughts jump numbly from thought to thought of the cause of her anger. Slowly, she turns around to look at me once more and as I force myself to look up at her, I see more than anger in her eyes, but all sorts of emotions swarming through her brownish blue eyes. Quickly she runs a hand across her eyes to swipe away the tears of anger that had built up in her eyes before she takes a long deep breath while she continues to stare thoughtfully at me. “Sometimes you have no respect for his feelings what so ever,” she finally says to break the silence, her voice quivering in emotions, “you use to have all the respect in the world for him before you left,” she pauses to turn to look out the window once more, “now you show very little respect if any at all for him. He loves you Luke. . .looks up to you the same way he had when you had left six years ago, and you can’t even respect him enough to talk nicely to him.”

Anger once more begins to run through me, an anger that I had only momentarily shredded to discard as she continues to glare out the window. “What? Bo can’t defend himself so he has you and Uncle Jesse do it for him?” I question angrily for my elder uncle who had taken care of me while growing up walks in, an hurt _expression fills his crystal blue eyes, “Bo is twenty-two years old and yet you still treat him like he’s ten, always standing over him to tell him what a great job he’s doing. . .holding his hand. Always so damn protective over him! Bo is a grown man, who is capable of defending his own self if he really wants to.”

Silence is quick to fill the room as I receive hard, cold, and angry looks from my uncle’s crystal blue eyes as he stares at me in disbelief while Daisy continues to stare out the window. “You have some nerve talkin’ to me like that boy! You ain’t too old to be taken out to the barn out there to teach you how to respect your family!” Jesse finally yells, his temper clouds his caring eyes and I sigh tiredly, thinking of how long this will take now that I got him riled up, “I have no clue what this here argument is about, but I know one thing, when you are under my roof you will respect me, respect family and friends, and you will follow the rules no matter how old you are!”

“Yes sir,” I finally nod glaring down at the table as Daisy slowly turns around to face us and I feel the tension amongst them build up, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Daisy asks in disbelief while raising an eye brow at me, “Just like that you’re sorry. . .that’s very nice of you Luke, but you know as well as I do, that it isn’t us that you owe an apology to, but to Bo.”

“Bo?” Uncle Jesse asks remaining at the door way, his eyes still clouded with hurt feelings and his temper.

“Yes Bo,” Daisy finally answers shooting daggers through me with her angry blue eyes, “why don’t you tell him, Luke, of all that you had said to Bo this morning? How you treated him?”

Refusing to say anything I continue to glare into my white coffee cup that remains only a third full of coffee that I had poured this morning at breakfast, before the fight I had with my cousin. “So I said some things I didn’t mean. . .things I shouldn’t have said,” I finally speak up as I feel their heavy angry stares at me, “but so did he and I don’t see y’all getting angry at him about it.”

“You are just full of laughs this morning aren’t you?” Daisy asks sarcastically, “Bo didn’t call you a cry baby or tell you to grow up, to act your age! Bo wasn’t the one that took your car without asking, knowing you’d say no due to already having plans! That was you. . .you are the one that took Bo’s car without even asking before hand to go on your date with Brenda, knowing Bo already had plans which included the use of his car!”

“Bo didn’t get to go to his concert last night?” Jesse asks, who was out visiting a friend last night while Daisy was at work. I shrug sheepishly as I know a lecture is about to come aboard due to my irresponsible actions towards Bo last night, plus another one due all that I had said to him this morning when he had confronted me about it. “Bo didn’t get to go to his concert last night due to you taking his car without asking him?”

Finally realizing that he expects me to answer him, I slowly respond, “Yes sir. Look, I know I should have at least asked and respected his answer. . .I know I was wrong. OK? At the moment it had seemed right. . .I mean, I couldn’t rightly take her out without a car and if I didn’t show up, she’d dump me.”

“So this Brenda lady? So she’s more important to you than Bo? Is that what you are saying? Because that is what I am getting out of this,” Jesse says stepping closer to me, his temper radiating from his body, “You have known her for about a week now and she suddenly is more important to you than family? Well let me tell you something, Lukas, without family, we don’t have anything. . .sure you may have your girl friends that come and go like the weather, but Bo has been through everything with you! He has never stranded you for anything else. . .he has been there for you no matter what, and he’ll always be there for you!”

I nod numbly as my mind fumbles over what he is saying as I look up to find both Daisy and Jesse sending invisible daggers with their angered eyes. “Yes sir,” I finally answer glaring back at the table as guilt runs through my body for my behavior towards Bo, in knowledge that what Jesse is saying is right. It was Bo’s letters that kept my hope burning alive within me while I was in the Marines, at camp and at war; and yet now that I have returned I have been paying him with disrespect and impatience.

“None of us knows what you had went through the past six years that would change your feelings towards your family, but I demand everyone to have respect of one another no matter what. You understand me Luke?” slowly I nod as Jesse steps closer to stand behind me by the washing machine, “I’ll admit I am, maybe, a little over protective of Bo, but I have my reasons, Daisy has her reasons, and maybe if you just took the time to get to really know Bo, for who he is, maybe you would be too!”

Silence quickly enters the room as Jesse finishes talking as I silently wonder what their reasons may be for being as protective over Bo as they are, why I should be as protective of him. I sigh heavily as I think of the relationship I had with Bo before I had gone off for war, we had done almost everything together, he was my best friend, more like a brother than a cousin, and I was ultra protective of him. “Where’s Bo?” I finally ask as I slowly stand up as guilt eats away inside of me leaving behind a desperate need of talking to him.

“Most likely target practicing,” Daisy speaks up from the sink where she had started doing the breakfast dishes, her anger has seemed to have resided a bit with doing some chores.

“Seeing that he ain’t out by the house,” Jesse kicks in, “means that he is probably in the woods that’s out back. . .upon a hill. It’s hard to explain.”

“Thank-you,” I nod moving towards the door, “I’ll find him.”

***KRISTY DUKE***

 

I choke back the thick steam that clogs the small bathroom from the heated shower I had just stepped out of only moments ago. Thick beads of condensation holds tightly upon the yellowing white walls that surround me while the small picture frame sized mirror remains thickly coated in steam. The old bath room fan rings constantly over head in it’s attempt to suck in the thick steam that lingers heavily around me with little success. Fighting to ignore the irritating buzz of the fan, I focus upon tucking my dark red tank top into my faded blue jean shorts as a thick bead of water from my shower slowly runs off of my thick strawberry blond hair to roll slowly down my right cheek. Softly wiping the small drip of water from my cheek, I abruptly flinch as pain shoots through my cheek at the touch.

“Damn it,” I mutter as I quickly pull my hand away to glare up into the small mirror that has only cleared up slightly. Through the thinning steam the dark ugly bruises trailing from my right temple down onto my cheek shines clearly as well as the dark bruise encircling my left eye to send flash backs of the horrid night rolling through my head. Staring into the foggy mirror, Trevor’s handsomely evil face flashes clearly behind my eyes as my children’s scream of fear echoes loudly in my ears while the attack continues to display itself in my head. Tears quickly build up in my eyes as the flash backs of Trevor’s attack the other night leads into painful memories of the past I had lived with Trevor, trapped by Trevor’s violent behavior.

Anger resides heavily within me as I wipe the tears out of my eyes, anger not only at Trevor for all that he has done to torture my family, but at myself for allowing him to do so; for allowing him to have control over me and my children. Emotions run wild within me as I quickly force myself to look away from my ugly bruises to glare into the old rusty silver metal sink as I pick up my midnight blue brush that rests upon the ugly brown counter that surrounds the sink. Glaring back into the small mirror that has now clear of all the steam, I slowly begin to brush my thick hair with care as my thoughts abruptly switch from the attack to my children. Anger increases within me towards myself for allowing them to go through what they had, especially Jamie, with all that she had witnessed in the past and now once again. “Damn you Trevor!” I mutter under my breath as my hands begin to shake uncontrollably with my anger towards my ex-husband as Jamie’s innocent face full of fear shines clearly in my head towards her own father. If only I had been strong enough to think of Jamie when he had first began to grow violent with me, strong enough to walk out on Trevor, she wouldn’t have had to suffer through watching me suffer; from seeing her own father hit her mother. “Damn it.”

Through the thin scarred dark brown door that stands tall behind me I hear the muffled voice of my brother’s telling Jamie to do something, only to receive an stubborn no from my daughter. A small smile is forced upon my face at the sound of my daughter’s innocent voice as I am reminded that she is the angel in my life, the angel that had given me a reason to remain as strong as I had; a reason to live for. Running the brush through my tangled hair my thoughts change from the past to the future that lies ahead of us now that we all have reached the small town and county of Hazzard. My thoughts races in the distant past that I had spent down here in Hazzard at my uncle’s farm with my father before he had ran off with Rosa. I had ran free with my cousin Daisy who had lived with our uncle when I was in Hazzard, feeling care-free and happy. I smile in relief in knowing that moving to a place like Hazzard is a right choice for my children, not only for their safety, but for their happiness.

Finishing brushing my hair I slowly pick up a large silver barrette that rests near the sink, a large silver barrette that holds my name etched thickly at the bottom. Slowly pulling my side hairs tightly up in the back in a small thick poney tail I snap the barrette closed, a barrette that Trevor had given to me when we were first dating and wasn’t violent. A wave of exhaustion rushes through me as I take in my hair that is tightly pulled back into the large barrette before I slowly curl my bangs loosely above my eyes.

 

 

“Mommy!” Jamie yells as I step out of the hot humid bathroom and into the small motel room that holds two queen sized bed and a small scarred round table in the far corner. Her green-blue eyes brighten up as she sees me while she climbs off of the chair at the table to run to me, wrapping her thin arms around me. “I missed you!”

“Missed me?” I question as I give into her pleas and pick her up where she clings tightly onto me and I glance over at Garrett who sits in the other chair feeding Shay cold baby food, Shay sitting on his lap, “I was only taking a shower. . .you knew that.”

“I know,” she shrugs at me as I read her desperate need to be with me through her soft eyes, “Uncle Garrett made me eat a pop tart and some apple juice.”

“She refused to eat her cereal we picked out for her last night,” Garrett says, giving his full attention to Shay, “So I gave her your pop tarts. . .I hope you don’t mind.”

“That’s fine,” I reply, “thank-you.”

“Sure thing,” he grins at me before looking back down at Shay who lets out a brief cry out for attention before giggling in excitement as Garrett caves into him by giving him another spoon full of baby food. Watching them silently, mixed emotions floods my wary body while Jamie’s weight sinks into my already aching arms before I carefully set her down on the nearest bed to the bathroom. “You OK?” Garrett slowly asks to break the silence that had intruded into our shared motel room, he glances over Shay’s head to give me his cold smokey gray-blue eyes that are filled with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answer as I give him a reassuring smile as I grab Jamie’s Winnie the Pooh back pack that leans against the wall that stands on the other side of the beds. Grabbing Jamie’s brush with a couple of hair rubber bands, I slowly sit on the end of the bed to motion Jamie over. I watch as she quickly crawls upon the thin scratchy rusted yellow comforter before climbing down to stand in front of me, her back facing me. As I begin to run the brush through her light brown thick hair, I smile noticing her dressed in her Tigger denim summer dress with a thin white tee shirt under the thin straps to cover her shoulders; her petite pale feet to be minimally covered with leather velcro sandals . “Wow you got a lot done while I was in the shower, fed and dressed both of my children, ” Shay is dressed in a red denim overall shorts, a blue tee shirt underneath and his black sandals, “Thank-you.”

“Well I figured you’d be in the shower for a while, so I figured I might as well do something useful,” the concern that had filled his eyes earlier is now replaced by an ornery look.

“Well it’s about time you make yourself useful,” I throw back at him as he gives Shay the last bite of baby food and gives him a bottle filled with watered down apple juice.

“Mommy,” Jamie speaks up as I slowly finish brushing her hair thoroughly, “will daddy ever be able to find us here? To hurt you again?”

A sharp knife of sadness rips into my heart at my daughter’s question of concern, a question that reminds me of all that she went through because of Trevor. “I hope not,”I finally find my voice to answer as I brush her hair up tightly into pig tails, tying them up with her colored rubber bands, “but if he does, I will make sure that we all are safe.”

“OK,” she abruptly says as Shay throws down his bottle that rolls to Jamie’s feet. Turning to me she says, “I don’t want him to ever hurt you again.”

Silence grows in the room as Jamie’s question and statement filled with fear echoes in my ears as I blink back tears. “Take it, he’s done,” Garrett says getting up to turn his bare muscular back to us as he sets Shay into his portable play pen where he gives him a few of his favorite toys. Stiffly standing up to walk toward us, his thin muscular stomach lies visibly tense before relaxing to kneel down in front of Jamie. Silently I watch as he takes her thin hands and says, “I promise you, Jamie, that I will never allow that -” he cuts himself short of swearing in search of an appropriate word, “that dumb jerk to ever hurt your mom or you and Shay ever again. Everyone is safe. . .you are safe.”

“OK,” she finally says again as if in shock while it once again goes silent. My heart swells in sadness as Garrett hugs her and my mind is filled with worry as I silently recall being wakened up by Jamie’s sharp cries of fear as she dreamt loudly besides me, kicking me with bare feet early this morning. I fight back more tears at thinking of this morning where I had held her close to me while she cried herself back to sleep after a half hour of throwing a fit after her nightmare.

Slowly Garrett lets go of her to slowly stand up from kneeling on the rough dark brown carpeting and for a moment I watch as he runs his thin long right hand through his thinly cut dark blond hair, the dark black tattoo of a coiled spitting cobra dances upon his muscular upper right arm as it flexes. Fighting back tears I look down as Jamie wraps her arms around me as small tears break away from her soft green-blue eyes to slowly run down her pale cheeks. “I love you mommy,” she says, clinging onto me.

“I love you too,” I smile down at her before giving her a kiss and she returns it before I wipe her cheeks dry, “We are in Hazzard, Georgia now and that is a ways from where we use to live. We are starting a new life together where we all will be safe and happy.”

“Will I like it?” she questions as Garrett grabs a white tank top out of his bag and disappears into the bathroom, “will Shay like it? Will I go to preschool?”

I smile down at her before I pick her up to sit her on my lap. “You both will love it! I loved coming down here to visit when I was your age. . .so beautiful and peaceful,” I smile recalling the past, “As for preschool. . .I will find one that you’ll love, but before that, mommy needs to find herself a job.”

She grins at me as her fears turn into excitement at the future that lies ahead as she hugs me before jumping down to get her favorite book to look at by herself on the other bed. For a long moment I watch her as she stares off at the pictures on the thick pages before slowly turning to the next page. Watching her, my mind searches for answers on what I could do to help her to leave our feared past behind us; to come up empty. I sigh warily as I fight back the images of her fit that she threw when I had awakened her early this morning, with little success. My heart tightens in sadness of the reality of the emotional pain I had caused her by being married to Trevor as long as I was. If only I had found strength in leaving him sooner than I had. . .

My thoughts are quickly interrupted as a loud knock pounds against the thin paint scratched door and I quickly jump up to answer it. Reaching the door, Garrett quickly throws open the bathroom door that lies a few feet to the left of the door, now dressed in his tight faded blue jeans, an New York Yankees tee shirt that he had ripped the short sleeves off at his shoulders to display his muscular arms. I sigh as I detect the true reason of coming out now as his over protectiveness over me, but I quickly dismiss it as I slowly un-lock the two locks. Opening up the door, a sense of relief sweeps over me as I see LB Davenport standing in the hall wearing grease stained loose overalls over a thin tee shirt. “Hi y’all,” he smiles at me as he nervously readjusts his grease stained red ball hat over his light brown hair that protrudes into curls at the end, “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything or bothering you two. I just figured you two being new to the area that you could use some help, either to find your way around or well, anything.”

“Come in,” I motion him in and he walks in between Garrett and me to stand at the foot of the bed, “and of course you’re not bothering us. That is a very kind offer, LB.”

Garrett rolls his smokey gray-blue eyes as he runs a hand through his damp hair before walking past us to Shay’s play pen. “Thanks,” LB finally says for being invited in as he takes in the small room, “they sure haven’t changed the place for a while, by the look of it, the last work on it or change it went through was several decades ago. When it was built.”

I smile as I nod in agreement while I glance down at Jamie who stares blankly at LB, taking him in. “Well it is at least a place to spend the night at,” I shrug offering him a seat on the bed, where he declines to lean against the cracked yellowing white wall, “at least a start.”

He nods thoughtfully as he itches the thin beard under his chin as he watches Garrett pick Shay up from his pen as Shay let’s out a laugh. “So you’ll be looking for more permanent grounds?” he finally asks while Garrett sets Shay on the floor with a few toys.

“Yeah, unless we find ourselves un-welcomed,” I shrug as I move to Jamie’s back pack to put her brush away.

“I highly doubt that such a pretty thing as yourself would be un-welcomed anywhere. Now he’s another story,” LB points over in Garrett’s direction who stands up defensively, “Relax, I was just joking. Y’all don’t have nothing to worry about. . .well except maybe for Commissioner J.D. “Boss” Hogg who will probably find any reason to not like any Duke.”

“Oh great,” I roll my eyes in defeat, “we have no one to worry about except for the man in charge of Hazzard.”

He grins at me while keeping an watchful eye towards Garrett who gives Shay some attention on the floor. “Don’t worry, he is way out numbered and wouldn’t get very far if he tried anything,” he smiles for a brief moment before it disappears. Silence enters the old motel room as he takes me in with his green eyes that shine in curiosity as he watches me. “Those are some harsh bruises you got, recent ones. Did those men in that Jaguar, hit you? What happened?”

“They didn’t hit me,” I answer after a short moment of silence.

“Daddy hit mommy,” Jamie speaks up besides me before I can say anything else, “daddy attacked mommy with a gun and Uncle Garrett saved us all.”

An odd eerie silence enters the room as LB looks from Jamie to me as his curious green eyes sparkle with anger now. “How could anyone hit someone like you?!” LB finally speaks up as he picks up the truth of what Jamie had said in my eyes, “Or want to hurt you and your kids?!” Anger flares in his eyes towards Trevor even though he only heard a small amount of all that Trevor had done, “I hope the cops got his butt and thrown in jail!” Noticing Garrett and I watching him he forces himself to calm down with a deep breath, “That’s why you two are here in Hazzard? To hide from that jackass,” looking at Jamie a look of embarrassment settles on his face, “Oops sorry.”

“Garrett has said worse things of him in front of her. It repulses me at the thought of my children fearing their own father!” I sigh to calm down as I slowly nod at his question, “And to find family I haven’t seen in ages and that Garrett has never met. And perhaps find something out about our brother.”

Silence enters the room as LB takes everything in to force himself to relax while he watches Shay crawl away from Garrett. “I’m sorry for my temper, it’s just where I come from, women are treated with respect, not beaten!” he finally says, “You’ll be safe from him in Hazzard. . .it may be a small town, but everyone pretty much sticks together and stand up for what’s right.”

“Wow, Hazzard actually has a positive side to it,” Garrett says sarcastically.

“Ignore my brother. . .he wouldn’t know what’s good for him if it hit him in the face,” I give Garrett a sarcastic smile before picking up Shay who had crawled to me, “I rather not ruin a good day by talking about Trevor. But we could use your help in finding Jesse’s farm.”

“Duke farm,” he smiles and nods at me, “Sure thing. . .I could drive you there. Y’all’d have to follow me, because I don’t have room for everyone in my tow truck.”

“That’d be fine,” I slowly answer as Shay grabs at my hands with his small hands, “We will take Garrett’s car.”

“Mommy,” Jamie tugs at me to get my attention before pointing at LB, “who is he?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself to you, silly me,” LB says sincerely as he bends down to her, “I’m LB Davenport, I am a mechanic, that means I work on cars and get all yucky!”

“Like Uncle Garrett!” Jamie laughs as she continues to take him in with un-certainty.

“I spose so if he works on cars,” LB smiles at her, “I am going to help y’all to the Duke farm. You’ll love it there, lots of room to run around at and lots of animals.”

“Animals?” she asks excitedly.

“Yeah,” LB grins as Jamie jumps off the bed and I watch in surprise as she gives him a big hug. He returns her hug as he continues, “He has chickens, goats, cows, horses, and even a mule.”

A large smile crosses her face as she turns to face me and begs, “Can we go mom? Please.”

“That’s our plan,” I nod standing up with Shay, “he’s going to help us there, we just need to gather up some toys and Shay’s pacifier to pack in his diaper bag.”

 

***LUKE DUKE***

 

Guilt gnaws greedily within me as I slowly climb through the thin woods that out lines the end of the Duke land towards the back of the house. My mind rushes quickly from thought to thought of the past month since I have returned home from war, of how terrible I have treated Bo. More guilt surges through me as I silently remind myself that it had been Bo that had kept my hopes alive, giving me a reason to fight to live, through the many letters he had sent me. Because of his letters, I had remained strong, emotionally and physically, and had given me the sense of comfort and safety despite of the constant gun fire. And yet, he is the one I’ve treated so badly since I’ve returned home with my selfishness and frustration.

After a long few minutes of searching for my younger cousin, his tall lean body comes into view as well as his brightly painted target that lies a few feet away from him. To my surprise he aims an arrow at the target before letting go of his pulled strings to throw the arrow into the bulls eye in his target, which would be the reason of why I hadn’t heard my expected gun shots. Continuing to walk towards my cousin as my thoughts continue to push my guilt deeper into me, guilt for what I had done last night and the last month. Anger towards myself joins my guilt, anger for me to take this long to finally clearly see how terrible I had treated Bo, how selfish I have been. Jesse was right when he had said th is morning that Bo has always been there for me and yet I repaid him with disrespect and with impatience.

I slowly come to a stop a few feet behind Bo as he slowly arches another arrow back to display his muscular right arm before letting it go to send the arrow flying, landing right besides his other one. For a long moment he stands silently still while he glares at his target as I finally notices his chest heaving heavily in his struggle for air. I am captured tightly with worry as even from where I stand, I can hear him wheezing as he breathes slowly, reminding me of his past where he had been so sick, weak and in pain. Dropping his black bow he begins coughing wheezily as if in an asthma attack that he so often suffered through as a child. Though he had outgrown his illnesses a few years ago, he remains an asthmatic, even though he hasn’t suffered from an attack in years. Until now.

After a long couple of minutes his coughing slowly comes to a stop and he slowly stands up from leaning over, wheezing loudly as he fights for air. Continuing to watch from a small distance, my worry turns into fear as he throws his right hand up to his chest, rubbing his chest with force as if to fight off some pain. “Damn it,” he silently mutters as he bends down to pick up his bow as well as an arrow.

I watch silently as he flings his arrow into the bulls eye before I say, “Uncle Jesse tol’ me I’d find you here.”

Startled he jumps around to face me, his baby blue eyes shine in surprise before it dies away to shine thickly of great pain and fear. Taking a long forceful breath he fights to hide his pain as he says, “And here I am.”

“Yeah,” I agree stepping forward to stand a foot away from him on his right side, “look Bo, what I did last night, was very selfish of me. . .I have been really selfish lately, to you as well as to everyone. I am sure I somehow knew you’d need your car last night and was probably the reason I hadn’t asked you if I could use it. It was just that I was thinking of myself and what I wanted and no one else. You had the right to be angry at me,” I take a long silent pause, “I really don’t know what to say or what to do to make it right, because there is no way to undo what I had done. I can tell you how bad I feel about it, but I am sure that it won’t amount to much.

“It’s not just about last night either, but about my attitude I’ve had with you since I had returned home. I’ve treated you like crap the past month and I have been a jackass,” pausing once again I take in my cousin’s expressions as he stares at me, “I’m so-”

“Don’t!” Bo finally snaps to interrupt me, “Just don’t. If you are here to apologize, to say you’re sorry, I don’t want to hear it,” he pauses to take in my stunned look, “unless it truly comes from you and not some seed Uncle Jesse and Daisy had planted in your head. You, like everyone else, expects me to be dumb enough to believe you’re sorry, when it’s obvious you couldn’t care less.”

“I will admit that in the past month that I have apologized with little thought other than that is what Jesse wanted me to do, I’ll even admit that before leaving to look for you, that both Daisy and Jesse lectured me on my wrong doing,” I slowly respond as he abruptly glares away at me to his target, “but no one tol’ me to apologize as I am doing now. Maybe what Jesse said finally said made sense to me. . .showed me how bad I’ve treated you or perhaps it came from how you left, I don’t know, but I finally saw how selfish I’ve been towards you, how bad I treated you. I am sorry, Bo.

“I don’t know what had gotten into me to treat you as I have been, I guess I could blame it on the war, at all I had seen, or all my nightmares that the war had created for me,” I continue to send emotions rushing through me, “The truth is, I should be thanking you for all you have done for me, hugging you, and spending time with you to show you my gratitude. From the start I had your support despite your fears of me going off to war, you have never doubted me or my decisions. If it wasn’t for your letters, I doubt I’d be a live today. Because of your letters, because of you, I had strength to keep fighting, you had given me hope, hope that never died and more yet you gave me a reason to fight to remain alive. Several of the guys I knew over there never had someone like you to give them a reason to live and gave up the fight. But your letters gave me a reason to live with hope of coming home, to return to the life I loved.

“I should be thanking you, but instead I repaid you in my selfishness, disrespect, and being impatient with you,” he allows me to continue as he looks up at me, “I am really sorry, Bo, I wish I could do something to undo my behavior for the past month. . .or to do something to prove how sorry I am. All I can think of is to say I’m sorry. If you can forgive me, I promise that I will work harder on doing better, to help build a relationship with you like the one we had before I left.”

“Really?” he asks excitedly as he moves to hug me in excitement, but comes up short, his baby blue eyes are lit up in excitement at the thought of rebuilding our relationship.

“Yeah really,” I smile as I draw him into a hug and he excitedly returns my hug.

Slowly, I force myself to let go of him as I take a step back only for silence to welcome itself between us. Emotions rage within me as I silently take in his lean tall body that stands at least three or four inches taller than me while my mind compares him to how he was when I had left for the Marines over seven years ago. Worry once again consumes me as I notice his thin chest heaving heavily in and out under his tight baby blue tee shirt in his struggle for air while a small, soft wheezing sound escapes from him as he breathes. Noticing me watching him silently, he abruptly turns away to glare ahead at his brightly painted cardboard target that holds three of his arrows in the bright red bulls eye.

“Wow, you got three out of three in the bulls eye,” I finally comment to break the uneasy silence, “I bet you’d be great at darts as well. Me, I could never hit my target the few times I’ve tried darts or a bow and arrow. What made you choose a bow and arrow as your weapon?”

I am quick to receive a hard glare from Bo’s baby blue eyes before the hardness to melt once again to show great pain before he glares back at his target. “It grows easier with hours of practice,” he finally answers as he glares back over at me, “And I really don’t have a choice, but to use a bow and arrow.”

“What are you talking about? Uncle Jesse has that rifle,” I pause a moment as Bo tiredly takes an seat on an old stump, “and my gun is in the barn, you could use those.”

Leaning into his knees he tiredly shrugs before glancing up at me from staring down at the moist dirt under his boots. “I used them while I could. . .much easier than using that,” he emphasizes on that as he nods toward the bow lying next to his foot.

“I imagine so,” I agree while leaning against a tree a foot away from Bo.

“Well last year, year and a half ago or so, Jesse had been doing business with this known gun maniac from Capital City. Jesse made the shine while he had me run it to him. . .well one of his people at least. I only saw him once and only knew that he wasn’t afraid to shoot his gun at anything. . .a very violent temper. I mainly dealt with his men, who also had some pretty big guns,” he pauses for a long moment to pickup a small stick, “anyway, that went on for a while, but then this one day when I got tailed by some cop, an angered cop with his lights on. Well as I was just about to loose the cop, one of the buyer’s men that was standing in the woods ahead of me, shot out my front tire. I lost control of the car and got myself busted. . .by the even more angered cop.

“Two weeks later, Uncle Jesse got me out by promising the court that he would put an end to his shine making and running with his retirement from it in order to get me out of jail on probation,” a sickening look of guilt covers his face as he nervously digs up dirt with his stick, “Which has a no fire arms regulation. . .and I ain’t ’bout to go back to the pen, so I’ll stick with the bow and arrow.”

“The reason why Jesse hasn’t kept up with the farm as he use to,” I finally state and Bo slowly nods, “Why hadn’t anyone informed me?”

Bo shoots a quick glare at me before he forcefully breaks the stick he had been playing with before throwing it back onto the ground as I notice how tense he is. “Well, if it helps you any, I had written you with all that had happened, it just didn’t make it’s way to the mail box,” he finally answers as he looks back up at me with pain filled eyes, “It is a subject that is hardly talked about much. . . unless it is from my probation officer.”

“Who’s that?” I ask as the answer is quick to come to me, “Boss Hogg.”

“Yeah,” he answers as he eyes me watchfully as my mind runs quickly from thought to thought of all that he had just told me. I sigh warily as I slowly begin to wonder if there has been anything else that they hadn’t told me that had happened when I was away at war for one reason or another.

Quickly my thoughts are interrupted as Bo begins to cough wheezily to break the silence, his chest heaves heavily in his fight for air. Once again fear seizes me as his wheezy breathless coughing forces flash backs of the past to flash clearly in my head of all the asthma attacks he had growing up. He glares up at me as I race over to him, his blue eyes plea me to stop his pain. Putting a comforting arm on his shoulder I search for answers on how to help as he fights back the pain through his coughing.

I sigh with a hint of relief as Bo’s coughing slowly comes to a stop, leaving behind his pain and wheezing. “What’s going on?” I finally ask as he abruptly stands up to brush off my hand.

“Nothing,” he answers stubbornly as he picks up his bow and moves to gather up his arrows, “I am fine.”

“Who you think you’re fooling?” I ask following him to his target to beat him there due to him being delayed with pain, “Uncle Jesse is worried sick about you and now I know why. . .what I don’t understand is why he hasn’t gotten Doctor Applebee to look you over yet.”

“I am fine, Luke,” he answers again as I grab his arrows out of his target for him, “and he must not be as worried as you think he is then.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh as I fight to keep his arrows from him in order to keep his attention. “He’s not as worried about you as I think he is? Is that why, on several occasions, after I have gotten home late from the bar, I have caught him watching you sleep through our door?” I ask and he abruptly stops trying to grab at his arrows, “I’d have to say that he is really worried about you by just seeing that, not alone by his eyes being thickly covered in worry each time I’ve approached him at our door. . .lost in some flash back from the past.”

“Well, next time you can tell him, that I am fine,” Bo finally answers after a short moment of silence had came between us.

“Nope, Uncle Jesse ain’t keen on lying,”I reply and Bo glares angrily at me before walking past me, “you know as well as I do, that you just had an attack. . . it won’t get any better if you don’t get any help.”

A chilly wind tickles the back of my neck as I turn around to face him and am surprised to see him standing silently a few feet away from me instead of walking off. He seems to fight with a decision as he stares back at me with un-decisive eyes before he says, “Thank-you for the information, Luke.”

For a long moment, I watch as he begins to slowly walk back to the farm house as my worry consumes me, worry for my cousin and for my family. Fighting back my emotions I quickly catch up with Bo to place another caring hand on his shoulder that tenses up at the touch. “I just want you to know that I am here if you need anything, to talk or what not. Just like I was before,” I finally say to change the subject, “perhaps one day you could help me shoot a bow and arrow like you did.”

“Yeah,” Bo is slow to answer as he keeps his eyes focused ahead of us, “perhaps.”

 

***UNCLE JESSE***

 

Silence lingers heavily in the living room as I sit in my scratched wooden rocking chair as I slowly look at the day’s edition of the local newspaper. Skimming through the articles upon the front page, my mind slowly wonders to the morning’s events to the past month. “I wonder what is taking them so long,” I finally muse aloud as I glance up at Daisy who sits upon the old torn couch that rests upon the left hand wall, looking at another part of the newspaper, “I sure hope that Luke being gone this long in search of Bo either means he has gotten lost or that they by chance are getting along. It’s either that, or they are most likely fighting.”

Daisy lets out an amused laugh from where she sits as she remains focused upon the thin paper that rests in her lap before looking up at me. “Think positive, Jesse,” she finally replies before growing serious, “I would be the first to admit that Luke treats Bo harshly at times, and no there is no good reason for it, but you have to think of how he must feel. I mean he is going through a lot right now with only being home for only a month now from returning from war. Not only had he been forced to return home early due to being injured, but when he did come home, home wasn’t how he expected it to be. No one coming forth with answers upon the changes that had occurred while he was gone, must make things worse for him.”

“You are relying on the thought that Luke has treated Bo so poorly on the fact that he doesn’t understand Bo’s differences . . . and from his memories on war,” I finally state as tires squeal in complaint outside of the open window before an powerful engine comes to an abrupt halt, “I have often thought of that myself. . .and I know he is going through a hard time, but that still don’t give him reason to take Bo’s car without asking just to get what he wants. As I tol’ him this morning, I demand everyone to treat everyone with respect. . .it is no different than when he had left.”

Daisy slowly throws her paper aside on the couch as she slowly stands up in questioning who is here. “I know,” she sighs as she peers out the open window before glaring back at me, “I am just saying that Luke deserves to be told the truth, the answers to all the changes around here since he left. You should at least explain why Bo’s on probation to why and how Bo is different.”

Stiffly standing up from my old rocking chair a loud knock rattles upon the ratty screen front door and I slowly turn to walk to the kitchen. Walking through the kitchen to the front door I find a young couple standing there with two young children. “Hi,” the young petite woman with thick strawberry blond hair is the first to speak up, “Mr. Duke?”

“That’d be me,” I grin at them as I hold open the door for them to come in, “how may I help you?”

For a long moment they glance at one another before the baby in the woman’s arms lets out a short cry to grab the woman’s attention. Silence begins to build up amongst us as I am taken in by the dark ugly bruises that shine on the woman’s soft caring face as she slowly looks up at me with soft caring green eyes. Seeing the bruises on her face sends my imagination wondering wild on how the bruises were created before I slowly look at the tall muscular man that stands besides her, holding the little girl’s hand. He stares coldly at me with hardened smokey gray-blue eyes as he nervously traces an ugly thick scar that runs under his chin with his left hand, the hand that doesn’t hold the little girl’s hand. “I highly doubt you would recognize me,” the woman finally speaks up to draw my attention back to her, “because it has been at least over twenty-two years since I was last in Hazzard. I’m Kristian Duke.”

“Kristian!” Daisy exclaims in excitement as she rushes over to her to draw Kristian into a large hug along with the baby in her arms, “It has been way too long since we last saw you!”

“Daisy?” Kristian asks in disbelief as they let go of one another and Daisy nods in excitement as the two stare at one another for a short moment. I find myself smiling as I watch Daisy hugging her excitedly as my mind runs back to the past where she would come to visit with my brother, Jeremiah, where she would play non-stop with Daisy. “It’s Kristy now,” Kristian says stepping back to take me in and she flashes me a large smile as I slowly take her in. Her thick strawberry blond hair lies just past her shoulders while the hairs to her sides are tightly pulled back into a thick silver barrette her bangs are lightly curled to show off her soft caring green eyes. “Uncle Jesse,” she smiles as she uncomfortably hugs me and I draw her into a hug.

“Daisy is right, it has been too long,” I smile at her as she steps back to boost her baby up higher on her thigh, “I have missed you and often times found myself thinking of you, wondering how you are and how you have changed. You sure have grown since the last time you were here…it is great seeing you again.”

She flashes me a smile before nodding slowly and says, “You don’t mind me calling you Uncle Jesse, do you?”

“Of course not…I prefer it,” I grin at her as I take in the little girl that holds onto the man’s hand as the girl clings tightly around his leg while biting onto her bottom lip.

Kristy smiles at me before she turns to the tall man that towers over her to draw my attention back to him, who displays his muscular arms under his cut off shirt. Chills race up and down my back at the sight of his thick wide scar that runs from behind his right ear and travels down to the tip of his chin. “And this,” Kristy starts off by elbowing the man in the ribs, “is my rude younger brother, Garrett Duke.”

“Garrett?” I find myself asking in surprise as my heart comes to an abrupt stop at the mention of his name and Kristy slowly nods for her brother. I slowly take in Garrett, who stands two inches taller than me with dark blond hair that he has thinly cut with inch long side burns and a thin goatee that surrounds his mouth. A silver ring ear ring hangs over in his right ear lobe while a thickly dark tattoo of a coiled snake rests on his upper right arm, hissing a red tongue out of his mouth.

“Hi,” Garrett finally says looking from me to Daisy as I find myself comparing him to Bo, only to find more differences between the two.

“Mommy,” the little girl says in an innocent voice as she leans closer to Kristy to yank on Kristy’s faded blue jean shorts, “When do I get to see the animals?”

“I don’t know, sweetie,” Kristy smiles apologetically at me, “This is my four year old daughter, Jamie,” she says pointing the girl who wears a denim jumper with her light brown hair tightly pulled up in pig tails, the girl’s green-blue eyes peers up at me with curiosity. Stroking the thin blond hair of the baby she is holding, she says, “And this is my nine month old son, Shayne . . . Shay for short.”

“Shay-Shay,” Jamie smiles up at me.

“So you’re married?” Daisy asks as she leans against the sink to the side of Kristy and Garrett to draw silence into the kitchen.

“Divorced,” Kristy takes a deep breath to look at Daisy, “the kids got my maiden name with the divorce.”

Silence is quick to follow Kristy’s statement as we all look at one another before I find myself looking back at Garrett. “Why don’t you all make yourselves comfortable? Can I get anyone anything?” I ask as Garrett and Kristy both take a seat at the table while Jamie climbs into a chair besides her mother, they both decline on us getting them anything.

“So how long are you two in town for?” Daisy speaks up once again as she pulls up a chair across the table from Kristy and I slowly lean against the sink.

“We are looking into moving here,” Kristy says warily, looking from Daisy to me, “figured it would be a good move for my children.”

I take in her bruises once again to drive anger deeper within me that anyone would even think of hurting my niece as I fight for my own explanations of them. Watching Garrett play with his ear ring for a moment while staring blankly past Daisy, I turn back to Kristy to ask, “Are you running from something . . .someone?”

“No-” Kristy starts to be interrupted by Jamie.

“From daddy,” Jamie says looking pleadingly up at me with her soft green-blue eyes, “he attacked mommy, again, the other night with a gun . . . a big gun. He was going to take me and Shay away, it was Uncle Garrett that made him go away.”

Silence soon fills the room as everyone looks at Jamie with concern and as Kristy pulls her close to her I sense the truth in all that Jamie had said. “Honey,” Kristy whispers softly to Jamie, “I am sure, not everyone wants to hear about it.”

“But it’s the truth,” Jamie protests scooting her self back farther in her chair, “that’s why grandpa wanted us to move down here!”

My heart tightens in sadness to hear such a little girl talk about such a horrid thing and anger digs deeper within me toward the man that had done all this to Kristy and her family. I fight back my anger as I detect Kristy’s discomfort towards the situation and I slowly speak up, “Well I am sure you all will enjoy Hazzard, not a lot has changed since the last time you were here,” I take a deep breath before I turn to Garrett, “I am sure you will enjoy it as well. . .I have wondered so much about you, your personalities, what you like, what you don’t like. I always wanted to see the differences and similarities you hold with Bo, I guess we all can find out soon enough now.”

Abruptly, both Garrett and Kristy glare up at me from staring at my old scratched wooden floor as I speak of Bo’s name. “He’s alive?” Kristy finally asks in disbelief, “Dad had told us the truth about him before we left Knoxville, but he said that Bo had no chances of living past the age of six.”

My mind races numbly in the past that was filled with worry and in fear for my nephew. “Bo’s real stubborn,” I finally answer, “if you tell him he can’t do something, he will go out of his way to prove to you that he can do it. So to answer your question, yes he is alive.”

“And he had outgrew the disease several years ago,” Daisy speaks up across the table from them

Silence fills the room as Garrett looks questionably at Kristy and I slowly turn around to look out the window that lies above the sink and through the front porch, to find Bo and Luke slowly walking toward the house only a few feet away. Quickly, my thoughts begin to rush through me as I watch Bo and Luke slowly approaching Garrett’s red muscle car before I slowly turn around to face them. “Speaking of which, here he comes with Luke,” I finally tell them and more excitement fills Kristy’s eyes, “I have to be truthful with you two and I just hope that you can understand. When he had first started asking about his parents years ago, I had told him that they died in a car accident and never mentioned that he had a brother and a sister. As he got older, I had thought of coming forward with the truth, but never did due to not knowing how to explain it, how he would react.”

“So in other words,” Garrett speaks up as he glares at me, “he knows nothing of us.”

With that Kristy once again elbows him in the ribs and he glares back over at her before I slowly answer, “No he doesn’t and he don’t take new situations like this very well. I am sorry.”

Kristy offers an understanding smile at me as she says, “I am just glad that you are giving us this opportunity to meet him . . .even if he isn’t at first happy to meet us.”

I nod slowly at her as my mind envisions how Bo will deal with meeting Kristy and Garrett, and for the first time being told the truth of his parents. I sigh nervously as the kitchen screen door is slowly thrown open and Bo follows Luke into the kitchen to draw silence within the kitchen. Stepping farther into the kitchen as everyone eyes him, taking him in, Bo slips behind me to stand silently. Slowly I turn to face him to force my chest to swell up in great concern for him as I see his thin chest heaving in and out in his struggle for air, pain is etched brightly in his eyes. “Bo, can I talk to you in the living room for a moment?” I finally ask and he glares at me for a long moment before nodding and slowly following me in the room with Luke following us.

“Jesse,” Luke says, his bright blue eyes shine in determination and worry, “what will it take for you to get Doctor Applebee to look him over?”

I glance over at him in surprise to hear great concern and worry in his voice as he glares over at me, demanding an answer. “I don’t k-know what you are talking about,” I finally say to force my heart to tighten more within me.

“Don’t lie to me! You know damn well what I am talking about,” he forces an apologetical sigh towards me, “look, I haven’t said much in the past month about it, because , well, in the past month all I really had thought about was myself. But I have changed. . .I will change. Being with him only a few minutes up there got me to see how bad he is suffering. . .something I had blocked out throughout the month, but have witnessed. He may not admit to hurting, but it is damn obvious in his eyes and how he acts. He just had an attack or two while I was up there with him!”

“An attack?” I question looking from Luke to Bo who glares tiredly down at his feet as guilt soars within me as my mind thinks of the past month since his first signs of everything started, from the pain to the wheezy coughing.

“He is over exaggerating with it all,” Bo fights to stick up for himself, “it all is just allergies, like I have every year.”

“Where you are fighting painfully to breath? And wheezily?” Luke asks pressing in on Bo, “Those excuses may have worked for Jesse here, but if he won’t have you looked at by Doctor Applebee, I will have you looked at by him.”

I glare at Luke for a moment and for the first time since his return home he shines with care and concern for Bo, just as he had been before he had left for war years ago. “Luke’s right,” I finally speak up as the baby lets out a loud cry out for a short moment before he returns to silence, “I’ll have to think of something, but one way or another, you are going to go see Applebee and soon.”

“I’m fine, Uncle Jesse,” Bo fights back stubbornly and I shoot him a look for me to find fear to be as strong in his eyes as his pain.

“I wish I could believe that Bo and I bet you do to,” I finally resolve, “but Luke is right and I should have taken you in when all this first started, but didn’t due to my own stubborn pride telling me that everything must be OK. They aren’t OK and you know it as well. . .I just wish you would talk to me about it like you do everything else.”

Silence enters the living room as Daisy and Kristy slowly begin to talk about the past while every once in awhile including Garrett into the conversation. “Who all is that out there, Uncle Jesse?” Luke questions to break the silence between the three of us.

“That is why I called you out here Bo. That is Kristian and Garrett Duke, Kristy is your older half sister and Garrett. . .well Garrett is your twin brother,” I finally answer to draw in questioning looks from Bo and surprised looks from Luke, before I slowly explain Bo’s real past with his parents, and why he is here at the farm.

“And it took you this long to tell me the truth?” Bo finally asks when I am finally finished the story, “To tell me the real reason why I was so sick? Why I almost died? It took them to come here to tell me the truth?”

“I’m sorry, Bo. I did what I thought was best for you. . .I guess I found it best to protect you from the truth,” I sigh hoping he would soon forgive me, “I am sorry…you are right and I should have told you the truth years ago.”

“Yeah,” he shrugs tired before looking into the entry of the kitchen, “and now you expect me to go in there and be all friendly to them?”

“It would be nice,” I sigh knowing that is not what will most likely happen, “they all are interested in you, who you are.”

“That’s their problem,” he grunts as he glances over at Luke for help, “I don’t want anything to do with-”

“Give them a chance Bo,” Luke urges, kicking in to help me as he throws a caring arm around his shoulder, “I will even go with you.”

“If you say so,” Bo sighs.

***BO DUKE***

 

Disbelief quickly fills my body as my uncle slowly finishes explaining the truth behind my parents and how I came to live at the farm and as he continues to introduce the people sitting in the kitchen with Daisy. Never before had I thought of having a sister or a brother, a twin at that. Exhaustion sweeps through me as my thoughts run wildly within me, triggering off several different emotions at the same time. After spending over half my life in pain with the illnesses I was born with, he has never explained why I was chosen to suffer through all that I had; until now. Anger swells within me at the thought that there was a reason of why I had been so sick and suffered as I had, all due to my parents and their drugs. I sigh tiredly as I glance up at Jesse who’s crystal blue eyes that is generally filled with love and happiness to filled with sadness and anger, looking over my shoulder as if recalling the past.

“I do say so,” Luke finally says to break the silence who stands besides me and I slowly wonder if he had known all along as well, “I also say that we all had kept them both waiting long enough, how ’bout we go join Daisy?”

I glance from Luke to Jesse who glances at me with understanding eyes that are filled with great concern and worry for me before he slowly nods and I am forced to follow Luke into the kitchen. Quietly walking into the kitchen I slowly take in the couple that sit at the table that talk quietly to Daisy, taking in my half sister and my twin brother. I sigh recalling how my reaction toward Kristy when I first walked in was at noticing her natural beauty despite the ugly bruises that cover her face and her beautiful thick strawberry blond hair that holds natural curls at the end. The baby that had been awake a few minutes ago fussing now lies asleep on her shoulder as he sucks loudly on is pacifier while the young girl colors upon a blank piece of paper. Besides Kristy, Garrett sits slumped back in the old dark green chair tracing the scar that runs from behind his ear down to the edge of his chin.

“Mommy,” the little girl with her light brown hair up in pig tails says as she looks up to see us standing there, “is that Uncle Bo?”

Kristy looks back and follows her daughter’s thin small finger that points at me to smile friendly at me before looking back at the girl. “Bo?” she questions as she slowly stands up in order not to awaken her sleeping baby while she watches me, taking me in as she stops a foot ahead of Luke and me.

“Hi,” I finally answer throwing her a smile as Garrett is quick to approach her with the little girl that he helped hop down from her chair, “guess that’d be me.”

I feel my chest tightening up once more as she excitedly draws me into a hug with her free arm that the baby isn’t asleep on before she steps back, her pale cheeks are reddened in embarrassment. “I am sorry, it is just that I am just so excited to finally get to meet you,” she sighs, “I never thought that I would be able to meet you personally like this due to everyone saying how sick you were and all. .. figured I would just ask about you, to learn who you are. It is great to get to see you here, like this.”

“Yeah I spose,” I finally answer as I glance over at Garrett who eyes me with hard smokey gray-blue eyes.

“I’m Garrett,” he finally speaks up, looking at Luke to me, “I only learned of you the other day when dad talked me into coming down here with Kristy, but it is good to see my better half.”

Luke lets out a short laugh besides me as I notice him taking them both in himself before he slowly says, “I’m Luke.”

“What about me?” the little girl asks pushing in besides Kristy and Garrett.

Kristy smiles fondly down at the little girl before placing a caring hand on her shoulder and looks back up at us. “This is my four year old daughter, Jamie,” she smiles while running a finger through one of the girl’s pig tails before patting the small back of the baby boy in her arms, “and this is my nine month old son, Shayne, Shay for short.”

Silence lingers heavily over the kitchen as I feel everyone’s eyes on me, awaiting for my response as I lean against the wooden entry way. “Uncle Bo!” the little girl Kristy had introduced as Jamie says as she makes her way to me, her bright green eyes shine in excitement. Wrapping her thin arms around me she glares up at me with her green-blue eyes as I nervously return her hug before she lets go to take my hand. “Uncle Bo, will you take me out to see the animals?”

I glance up at Kristy and Garrett with uncertainty before glancing over at Jesse and Luke who both nudges me to go. “Well, if it’s ok with your mother,” I finally smile down at her, “we can go see the animals.”

“Can I mommy?” the girl asks looking pleadingly at the petite woman who stands a couple of feet ahead of me next to Garrett.

“It’s OK with me,” she gives her daughter a caring smile as she cradles the baby in her right arm that lies still, sucking on his pacifier.

“She says it’s ok,” Jamie says as she tugs on my arm, “let’s go.”