by: Essy Jane

A year had passed since Essy and Judd’s wedding. Everything seemed to be quiet that day as I scouted for eggs. Suddenly, Uncle Sam pulled up. It’s black face seemed to pull me in. “Oh my goodness, you’re never going to believe this! Someone burned down Boss Hogg’s house and it wasn’t an accident,” Essy commented.

“Now how in the world do you know that?” Nancy asked. Essy smiled widely. “What did you do?”

“No it wasn’t me! Good grief, why in the world would you think that?”

“I don’t know, you’re the genius mastermind not me.” Essy shook her head as I winked. She always was a little hot tempered but you know, I didn’t mind. I really enjoyed her company. “So, what’s the plan Clyde?”

“Research and don’t get caught.”

“Right otherwise…”

“Otherwise old Boss will think it was us.” I nodded. I grabbed Bo’s Bow and Arrows he left for me as a present. Luke’s was here too but it sat and collected dust. Essy had her own that she had painted purple. I preferred the black myself.

“Hey, where’s Boss staying?”

“With Roscoe.” I began to chuckle. I couldn’t help it. The thought of JD Hogg and Roscoe sharing a house together was pretty comical.

“That’s great!”

“No, that makes Boss Hogg grumpy.” Okay, Essy was right on this round.

“We had better find out just who is doing this before someone gets hurt.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice on that one Nancy-Lou.”

“Where’s Judd?”

“Ah he’s working on a case.”

“I can’t believe he’s a lawyer.”

“Me neither.” I got into Uncle Sam and we were on our way. As we were driving down the road, a blue car was speeding towards the farm. Who it was, I had no idea but he almost cut us off. Essy laid on the horn. “Now that guy was a moron! If you ever drive like that, I’ll shoot you myself.”

“Essy!”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s better.” Essy found old Enos behind her.

“What the heck is going on here?”

“Enos.”

“Well I can see that Nancy but why in the world is he chasing us?”

“You see what happens when you threaten to shoot me?” Essy began to speed up; she pulled the jump clear across the trees. When Enos followed, he ended up in the trees. Essy stopped and pulled over. She got out of the car and I followed.

“He’s trying to get out.” She was right, Enos was opening the door. “He’ll break something.”

“Not on my watch.” I got under him as he fell. I managed to catch him somehow. Enos looked up at me and smiled. “Are you okay cowboy?”

“Yeah, you got some nice muscles Miss Nancy, yes indeedie you do,” Enos replied. I couldn’t help but smile. He was so funny that one. So honest yet pulled into deceit…Boss Hogg sure made him do things that were against his standards.

“Well Enos why did you try and get out any way?”

“Yeah Enos, did you think you could grow wings in the next few seconds?” Essy added.

“No ma’am but that would be neat wouldn’t it?” Enos answered.

“Enos, don’t call me ma’am, I am not that old.”

“Yes ma’am—I mean yes Miss Essy.” Essy shook her head and laughed.

“You want a ride into town?”

“Sure Miss Essy that would be great.” Enos swung one leg into the car and then the other. He pulled his body in. I jumped in and sat down in the driver’s seat.

“Hey, who said you could drive my car?” Essy protested.

“How am I supposed to become the ultimate Hazzard driver if I never get practice? Look, I could have taken the General and we could have gone our separate ways but I wanted to come with you,” I answered. She rolled her eyes.

“Do you know how much of Bo I see in you?”

“Take that back Essy-Jane! I am not like Bo!”

“No, not like Bo, you like Bo.” I growled at her.

“Now get in already!” Essy got in and looked at my face.

“Are you mad at me?”

“For what?”

“Saying you liked Bo.”

“I don’t like Bo that way.”

“You know, you two do get along very well,” Enos pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean I am going to marry the guy Enos.”

“This is Shepard calling Nasty Nancy are you in babe?” Uncle Jesse said over the CB.

“This is Nancy, come back what do you need Shepard?” Nancy asked.

“I was wondering if you two were going to make it home for lunch, can you spare a second to answer come back?”

“Yeah sure, why not…we will make it back for lunch—this is Nasty Nancy giving you a big 10-4.”

It only really took us a couple of hours to look through the house ourselves. Thanks to the ride we gave Enos, he was glad to show us around. I found a couple of clues, one was a lighter that had the initials HH on them. The other clue was a piece of white cloth that stuck onto the side of Boss’ picket fence. Sound familiar? Huey Hogg, but angle was still unclear.

Essy parked Uncle Sam just long enough so I could get out. I looked at the blue car that had almost cut us off. I wondered who in the world it was as I walked in the house. “Sorry I’m late Jesse, I…” I began. I was suddenly silenced by the sight of Bo sitting at the table. “What in the world are you doing here?” Bo began to laugh. “And what’s so funny, Bo Duke?”

“Well first of, ain’t I allowed to visit every now and then and the second response is the same as the first. Now, how are you doing?” Bo responded. That man drove me up the wall all the time of all the sick twisted humor—ack, I don’t know what to say to him in return. I looked at Jesse as he walked in.

“Did you find out who did it?” Jesse asked.

“Did what?”

“Burned Boss’ house down.”

“Someone burned Boss’ house down? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Then you would have left on the adventure and I wouldn’t have had a chance to talk to you. Now I was talking to Nancy and you interrupted me.”

“I’m sorry sir.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, Huey Hogg,” I finally managed to say. Bo looked confused, as did Uncle—I mean, Jesse. “Well boys, who else carries a gold lighter with the HH initials on it?”

“That could be anyone sweetheart.”

“We found a piece of white fabric on the fence and unless I am mistaken, I smelt gasoline.”

“Gasoline?”

“Now unless Boss Hogg smokes his cigars with gasoline, I don’t think that that’s Boss Hogg. That and the piece of fabric was singed. According to the report, Boss was working when it happened.”

“Who caught all that information? Essy?” Bo asked.

“Nah, I did…well, she found the fabric and the lighter. I put the pieces together.”

“You still need a motive Nancy.” I sighed. He was right yet again…I had to find something that would make a man burn down his Uncle’s house. “Wait a minute, Uncle Jesse didn’t you say you saw a Huey’s lumber company truck on the road about three days back?”

“As a matter of fact I did,” Uncle Jesse said.

“That’s it right there. Good work Nancy.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Now, how to we hook the rap on him?”

“A little hip work from you.”

“ME! Oh no, that’s not my department.”

“Oh come on you’re a teacher are you not?”

“Yeah but…”

“You teach drama now don’t you?”

“Sure I do but…”

“Well then Nancy, get to work.” How does Bo talk me into these things?

The next day, I visited Huey’s little establishment. Complete with a recorder in my purse. I didn’t know where this was going to lead exactly but I hoped he wouldn’t go too far. There he was standing in his white suit with a helmet on. As he saw me, he walked over towards me. “Hello ma’am can I help you?” Huey said, with the biggest smile on his face.

“I was in search for a man who was smart and twisted but I don’t think I’ll find one here,” I answered. I began to walk away, wiggling my hips.

“Woe, slow down barracuda, I’m the man you’re looking for.” Well he bit the hook, let’s see if I can reel him in. He looked deep into my eyes and smiled at me, pulling me into his trailer. I didn’t like the look of this. Huey didn’t me but I knew everything about Huey. From what he wears to how he snookers everyone. I even know how much he loves gals, especially younger gals like me.

“So what bad things have you done?”

“First I want a name.”

“Nancy, Nancy-Lou Davenport.”

“I have seen your Daddy Miss Davenport and I must say you must get your looks from your father.” He went up to me, trying to kiss me, I tried to move but he came closer and closer. His eyes were fixed on me.

“Not yet cowboy, you don’t seem all that tough to me.”

“Tough! I am tough.”

“And crafty?”

“You better believe it my dear, very crafty.”

“So am I, I convinced Boss Hogg that he was loosing his mind.”

“Not as good as the scheme I pulled.”

“Oh yeah and what was that Huey?”

“I burned Boss’ house down so he would build with my company.” As he said those words, Bo opened the door and smiled.

“Thanks Huey,” He said as he grabbed my purse.

“BO DUKE? You’re working with BO DUKE?” Huey questioned.

“Now Huey, don’t you know that pretty gals don’t come after people like you?” I had to laugh. Bo grabbed my arm, whisking me away to his mighty steed…umm, I do mean the General. We got in and of course we got resistance. Huey may be dumb when it comes to pretty blondes like me. However when it came to male blondes like Bo, he was one step ahead. He knew as well as I did that I had evidence on me that would bring him down.

“Bo, can’t you drive any faster?” I asked him. He was driving like an old man.

“Oh come on Nancy, I have got to get him to catch up otherwise it wouldn’t be much of a chase.”

“Bo you’re such a child!”

“Nah, children are small.” As Huey came along, Bo stepped on the gas and we went faster. “I am a young man itching for adventure.”

“Hazzard Pond?”

“How did you guess?”

“I figure if it works for Roscoe it will work for good old Huey.” Bo nodded he made his way over and jumped. Sure enough, Huey tried to follow and was put into the water. I couldn’t help but laugh. Bo and I made sure he was alright before running off. It would take him a while before getting out of that mess.

“You’re smart.”

“No you are.”

“No way, you are.”

“Quit that.”

“You first.”

“No, you first.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Not as bad as you are.” I had to laugh. Anyway, to make a long story short, Huey didn’t go to jail because blood is thicker than a house but he was pushed out of Hazard and told not to come back. With Boss, we know that Huey will be back one of these days.

Roscoe managed to push Lulu and Boss into live with us, which suited me fine, they had Bo’s room and Bo had to sleep on the couch. Boss Hogg was happy, Lulu wasn’t stealing his covers anymore.

Boss Hogg went on with an immediate rebuild of his house. Bo, Uncle Jesse, Judd, Essy and yes even I helped with the rebuild, mostly because Bo bribed me into helping out Boss. He told me if he had to spend one more minute listening to Boss Hogg snore, Bo was going to take action and leave. Believe me, I didn’t want him to leave yet, Uncle—I mean Jesse was happy to have him home.