by: Keith

UNCLE JESSE: Well, boys, as foolish as I feel askin’ this….you two alright?

LUKE: (shrugs) Believe it or not, Uncle Jesse, I ain’t in all that much pain, considerin’.

UNCLE JESSE: How bout you, Bo?

BO: ‘Cept for a couple of cracked ribs, I reckon I’m about the same as Luke.

DOC APPLEBEE: Which, I want you to know, is a miricle in itself. (to Uncle Jesse) Jesse, I’m gonna be blunt. After seeing the General Lee hooked onto Cooter’s tow truck, and seein’ what these boys looked like when they came in here……well, frankly, I should be wheelin’ Bo and Luke down to the morge right now rather than just settin’ a couple of casts on their legs.

LUKE: Aw, come on, Doc…it couldnt’ve been as bad as all that.

DOC APPLEBEE: Oh, it was. It was. Boys, I’ve seen auto accident victims come through here that didn’t look half as bad as you two did. They ended up leavin’ here paralyzed for life. You boys aughtta thank the good lord in your prayers tonight.

DAISY: Doc, how long before the boys are gonna be able to walk again?

DOC APPLEBEE: Oh, not more than a few weeks.

BO: A few weeks?! Aw, come on, Doc! The dang Drag N Fly’s next Saturday!

DOC APPLEBEE: Well, I’m afraid you boys won’t be racing in it. Especially you, Bo. I don’t want you driving for at least six weeks with your ribs cracked like they are.

DAISY: And even if you WERE able to drive, wadda y’all think you’re gonna race with?

LUKE: (realizing what Daisy means) How bad is it, Cooter?

COOTER: (wincing) It don’t look good, y’all. The body’s all collapsed, the engine’s pretty burnt, and I ain’t even had a chance to look at the frame yet.

LUKE: Well, if y’all will give us a hand outside, (looks at Bo) I reckon we wanna have a look see for ourselves.

(Uncle Jesse walks over to the boys’ wheel chairs and starts fiddling with all the moving parts)

DAISY: Uncle Jesse, what’re ya doin?

UNCLE JESSE: What am I doin? I’ll tell ya what I’m doin. I’m makin’ sure there’s nothin’ on these things that these two can weld shut! It took me and Cooter almost half an hour to get ’em outta that dang General Lee! I’m not goin’ through that again!

(everyone smiles and laughs)

UNCLE JESSE: Cooter, Enos, give me a hand here. Doc, if it’s alright with you, ya can just send the bill out to the farm….

(Boss Hogg and Rosco enter the room)

BOSS HOGG: Uh, uh, uh, Jesse. That won’t be necessary. On account of I already took care of the boys’ bill, myself.

UNCLE JESSE: That’s aweful thoughtful of ya, J.D. but we can manage just fine.

BOSS HOGG: (overdoing kindness) Well, i’m sure you can, Jesse but it’s already been done. (now overdoing guilt) On account of Rosco, here, feels real bad about makin’ you boys get into that accident. And I feel real bad about makin’ him chase ya.

LUKE: Yeah, I’ll bet you two must be plum heartbroken that me and Bo ain’t gonna be able to race in the Drag N Fly on Saturday.

BOSS HOGG: (acting surprised) Well I’ll be…the thought never even crossed my mind. But I’ll tell ya what…in the spirit of good sportsmanship (overdoing kindness again) I hearbye declare the Drag N Fly officially postponed indefinitely until you boys are well enough to drive in it.

BALLADEER: Ooooooo….now, friends, that’s just cold-blooded.

BO: (very angry) Well, that’s real nice of you, Boss. But do us a favor, huh, and don’t do us any favors! In case y’all didn’t see the General parked outside, he might be outta the picture for good, thanks to Rosco!

COOTER: In all fairness, y’all, it ain’t all Rosco’s fault that yer sittin’ in them wheel chairs. I shoulda known better than to let y’all take off before I could work on the General.

BOSS HOGG: Well, well, well…so this here accident wasn’t Rosco’s fault after all!

ROSCO: That’s right! How was I supposed to know that Cooter forgot to put the brake line back on before he let you two take off?!

BOSS HOGG: (trying to whisper at Rosco) Will you zip?!

(Everyone looks at Boss Hogg and Rosco suspiciously)

BALLADEER: Y’all ever heard of a Freudian slip? Well, that ain’t nuthin’ compared to the beans ol’ Rosco just spilled.

COOTER: Rosco…there’s a real good reason I didn’t think to put the brake line back on. That’s cause I never took it off in the first place.

LUKE: That’s right. We brought the General over to Cooter’s to have his shocks replaced.

(Uncle Jesse silently approaches Boss and Rosco)

UNCLE JESSE: J.D….Rosco…my boys are lucky to be alive after that accident. So help me…if you two are directly responsible for this…(points to Bo and Luke)

BOSS HOGG: Well, Jesse, you heard Cooter. He knew he shouldn’ta let Bo and Luke drive away before he had a chance to….

UNCLE JESSE: (cuuting off Boss Hogg and yelling) HE NEVER TOUCHED THAT BRAKE LINE!!

(Doc Applebee gets between Uncle Jesse and Boss Hogg)

DOC APPLEBEE: Jesse, please…I know you’re upset and I don’t blame you. But this IS a hospital. People are trying to rest….

UNCLE JESSE: Alright, Doc. We’ll be on our way then. (To Boss and Rosco) I’ll deal with you two outside. Cooter, Enos, gimme a hand with the boys, will ya?

(As Uncle Jesse walks away, Boss Hogg and Rosco each swallow a lump in their throats)

BALLADEER: Freinds, I don’t blame Boss and Rosco for bein’ so scared. I don’t think there’s a woodshed built that’s big enough for the whoopin’ that Uncle Jesse’s gonna give ’em when he gets outside.

(Switch to outside the hospital. We see the entrance open as Daisy and Enos hold the doors to allow Uncle Jesse and Cooter to wheel Bo and Luke out. Boss and Rosco have lingered behind to avoid confrontation.)

BALLADEER: The moment everyone had been dreadin’ had finally arrived. Bo and Luke was about to get their first look at the General since the accident.

LUKE: Alright, cooter, where ya got him hid?

COOTER: (pointing) Just off to the right.

(Bo and Luke’s mouths drop when they see the General)

LUKE: Oh, Lord…

BO: I don’t wanna believe my eyes.

(We see a distant shot of the near-totaled General Lee. The doors are pried off and are laying against the crane in the bed of Cooter’s truck.)

BALLADEER: I don’t know what everybody’s so worried about…I think the General looked worse than that when the boys found him.

LUKE: How long ya figure it’ll take to get him back in shape, Cooter?

COOTER: Well, we can cross our fingers and say our prayers. Provided the damage is all in the body, which I doubt, it shouldn’t take more’n a couple of days.

BO: Yeah, but that’s wishful thinkin’. I mean, ya can tell from here the frame’s gotta be bent.

COOTER: Yeah, I reckon you’re probably right, Bo. But don’t y’all worry. Even if I gotta work night and day, I’ll make sure the ol’ General’s back on his feet before y’all are. (chuckles) To tell ya the truth, as bad as he looks right now, I think he’s still in better shape than he was when y’all found him.

BALLADEER: See? What’d I tell ya?

(Boss Hogg and Rosco final come out of the hospital and join the group. Rosco’s guilt comes flooding back into him as he looks at the General Lee)

BOSS HOGG: (rather casually) My, oh my, the General Lee really is in a state, ain’t it…

UNCLE JESSE: Got a pen, J.D.?

(Boss reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pen)

BOSS HOGG: Here ya go

UNCLE JESSE: Oh, it ain’t for me. I thought you might like to go over there and write yer name on the General Lee.

BOSS HOGG: Why in tarnation would I wanna do that?

UNCLE JESSE: Well, it seems to me that artists usually like to sign their work.

ENOS: Uncle Jesse, with all due respect, Mr. Hogg and Sheriff Rosco didn’t mean for no harm to come to Bo and Luke…

DAISY: Enos Strate, I can’t believe you’re defendin’ them!

ENOS: I ain’t defendin’ them, Daisy. What they done was wrong. (to Boss and Rosco) Mr. Hogg, Sheriff, I think y’all should be ashamed of yourselves for what ya did to the General Lee. But I also gotta believe that, deep down, y’all are sorry for what happened to the boys.

BOSS HOGG: (over-doing guilt) Oh, I AM terribly sorry for what happened to these two fine boys. As a matter of fact….

ROSCO: Oh, will you hush!! Even I don’t believe that phony apology!

(Boss Hogg is taken aback)

ROSCO: Now, you listen to me! I’ve been thinkin’ this whole thing over ever since that accident happened. Now, settin’ out to wreck a car is one thing! But Bo and Luke are lucky to be alive right now!

(Rosco turns to the Dukes, takes his hat off, and speaks very sincerely)

ROSCO: Jesse, Daisy,….and especially you, Bo and Luke. Now, I won’t blame ya if ya never forgive me for what happened out at Stix River today. But for whatever it’s worth, I am truly sorry.

(There is a short moment of silence, then Uncle Jesse approaches Rosco)

UNCLE JESSE: Rosco, on behalf of all us Dukes….(extends his hand to Rosco) I forgive ya.

ROSCO: (shaking hands with Uncle Jesse) Thank you, Jesse…(getting choked up) thank you.

(Rosco turns back to Boss)

ROSCO: Boss, listen, I’ve been through every dirty rotten scheme in the book with you. But after what happened today, I’m afraid my conscience just won’t let me do it no more. And since I know that part of bein’ sheriff is havin’ to do whatever you tell me, I ain’t got no choice but to resign. (turns to Enos) Enos, I have one final order for you as your superior officer before I quit.

ENOS: Yessir?

ROSCO: (pauses) Cuff me and stuff me!

(scene freezes)

BALLADEER: First, Bo and Luke wind up crippled. Now Rosco quits his job as sheriff outta guilt. Y’all reckon Jesse’s goin’ back to runnin’ shine next?

(end act 3)