by: Keith

UNCLE JESSE: What do ya got in mind, Luke?

LUKE: What’s the one thing that Rosco loves more than anything else in the world?

DAISY: Well, if it was anybody else, I’d say either his momma or Lulu. But, knowin’ Rosco, I’d guess it would be Flash.

LUKE: (grinning) Exactly. Now suppose, for a minute, that Rosco was still sheriff and Flash turned up missin’. What do ya think is the first thing he’d do?

BO: (chuckling) Knowin’ Rosco, he’d probably put out an A.P.B. or her.

LUKE: Bingo.

BALLADEER: Now, since Luke couldn’t play an active part in his plan, he figured he aughtta keep it as simple as possible.

(Scene switches to Cooter’s, about fifteen minutes later. Cooter is helping the boys off of Uncle Jesse’s truck)

BALLADEER: While he and Bo were at the garage helpin’ Cooter put the General back together….

(Switch to Rosco’s house across town, where Coy and Vance pull up.)

BALLADEER: ….Coy and Vance had to “kidnap” Falsh and take her back to the farm til they got word that Rosco was Sheriff again.

(Coy gets out of the car and goes to Rosco’s front porch to pick up Flash)

COY: Hey, Flash. Remember me? Come on, Darlin’. You’re gonna help us help your daddy get his job back.

(Coy puts flash in the back seat of the car, gets in, and he and Vance pull away. Switch to the ice cream shoppe, where Daisy walks in with a small brown bag)

BALLADEER: And it was Daisy’s job to go over to the ice cream shoppe, and shuck and jive Rosco into searchin’ for Flash.

DAISY: Hey, Rosco!

ROSCO: (smiling) Mornin’ Daisy. Now listen, much as I’d love to serve ya, we’re not quite open yet. See, I just came here early to learn how to use everything. And I’m glad I did, too. That syrup gun is a serious weapon! JEEJEE!!

DAISY: (giggling) I can see that. But I didn’t come here for ice cream, Rosco. (opens the brown bag) See, I was just over at Ruebottom’s and I found this darlin’ little pink bow that I thought would just look so cute on Flash. I just had to get it for her.

ROSCO: Oooohhhh…isn’t that nice o’ you! (Rosco’s voice trails off and he gets a very confused look on his face) Daisy, are you tellin’ me that, after everything that happened these past couple of days, you went out and bought Flash a present?

DAISY: Rosco, all us Dukes told ya we forgave ya and we meant it. We know you’re sorry. We even want you to come back as Sheriff. But if this is what you feel like you gotta do, then we won’t try and stop ya.

ROSCO: Thank you, Daisy. I appreciate that.

DAISY: But anyway, where’s Flash? I’m just dyin’ to put this on her!

ROSCO: Of, that’s easy. She’s just layin’ on the front porch at my house.

DAISY: No she ain’t, Rosco. I was just there and I didn’t see her nowhere.

ROSCO: Well, did you check inside her little doghouse? Sometimes when it get too hot, she…

(Daisy shakes her head “no”. Rosco shakes his head and makes his little noises)

ROSCO: Ya think maybe she went for a walk?

(Daisy gets a very doubtful look on her face)

ROSCO: Me neither….where do ya think she could be?

DAISY: Beats me….(gasps) I just had a horrible thought….

ROSCO: What?

DAISY: Now I want you to promise me you won’t panic when I say this….

ROSCO: Are you kiddin’ me?? Roscooooo P. Coltrane is a pillar!! There ain’t nothin’ you can say that’ll make me panic!

DAISY: Do ya think maybe she’s been kidnapped?

ROSCO: JEEJEE!! Except that!! (looking very panicked) You really think so?

DAISY: Well, I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t know where else she coulda gone…

ROSCO: D’OOOOO-HOOOOO!!!! You’re right!! Flash has been dognapped!!!

(Rosco pulls off his bow tie and apron and throws them on the counter)

ROSCO: I ain’t got time to scoop ice cream! I gotta go rescue my dog!!

(Runs out from behind counter and heads for the door)

ROSCO: Hang on, Flash! Daddy’s commin’!!

(Switch to Cooter’s, where all three men stare, overwhelmed, at the General Lee)

BALLADEER: While Rosco was gettin’ ready to call in the army, navy, air force, and marines in an all-out doghunt…Cooter and the boys was tryin’ to figure out where to start on the General.

LUKE: Well, Cooter, what do ya think our plan of attck should be?

COOTER: Well, I think we need to take the same approach we did when y’all first found him. So I’ll go get my torch and crow bar and start gettin’ the frame back in shape.

BO: That’s fine but what are we supposed to do in the meantime? I mean, we can’t exactly slide underneath and help ya out.

COOTER: I already thought of that. That’s why I took the insides off the doors and found my two dead blow hammers. I figure, between the two of ya, y’all aughtta be able to pound the dents out of ’em.

LUKE: Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s get to work, Bo.

(Switch to police booking room, where Enos is filling out paperwork. Rosco comes bursting through the door)

ROSCO: Enos!! Quick!! Put out an A.P.B.!! I want every sheriff and deputy in the tri-county area lookin’ for her!

ENOS: Posum on a gumbush! Who’s missin’, Rosco?

ROSCO: Who’s missin?? I’ll tell ya who’s missin! Flash! That’s who! Somebody done dognapped her!!

BALLADEER: Now, y’all gotta realize that, with Enos bein’ as honest as he is, the Dukes couldn’t let him in on Luke’s plan. So he really thinks Flash has been kidnapped.

(Boss Hogg comes out of his office)

BOSS HOGG: What in tarnation is all the ruckuss out here?! Rosco?! What in blue blazes are you doin’ here? You ain’t sheriff no more, so just get!!

ROSCO: I can’t, Boss. Flash has been dognapped. I came to have Enos put out an A.P.B. on her.

BOSS HOGG: A what on who? Are you outta your cotton-pickin’ mind? Enos is far too busy dealin’ with important county business to put out an A.P.B. on that lousy mutt!

ENOS: Beggin’ your pardon, Mr. Hogg…it’ll only take a few minutes to put out an A.P.B. I can spare that.

BOSS HOGG: Oh, no you can’t! I forbid it!!

ROSCO: What?? Boss, you can’t…I mean…

BOSS HOGG: What do ya mean, I can’t? I just did, didn’t I?

ROSCO: (waving his fist at Boss in frustration) Alright then, I’ll do it myself!

BOSS HOGG: Oh no you won’t! On account of only a duely designated county official can put out an A.P.B….and you gave that up when you gave up your sheriff’s job.

(Rosco gets a “not sure what to do” look on his face)

ROSCO: Boss, I unresign as Sheriff.

BOSS HOGG: Oh ya do, do ya? Well, who said I was gonna take ya back? I seem to remember somebody callin’ me a little fat meadow muffin and a comquat and few other things which I ain’t gonna mention.

ROSCO: Listen, Boss, I aweful sorry I said those things. It was just the heat of the moment, y’know? I mean, I was just feelin’ so guilty over what happened to Bo and Luke Duke. (Rosco’s look turns very sad) Please, Boss…I gotta find my dog…

(Boss pretends to be disgusted by Rosco’s emotion)

BOSS HOGG: Oh, for heaven’s sake, I’ll never understand your attachment to that stupid flea bag. (pretending to think it over) Alright, fine. You’re sheriff again…but at a ten percent pay cut!

ROSCO: Boss, that’s low, hittin’ a man when he’s down like that. (smiling) But I probably woulda been suspicious if you didn’t. Deal!!

(Rosco hurries to the booking area)

ROSCO: Alright, Enos! Put out an A.P.B. on Flash!! We ain’t gonna sleep til she’s found!!

ENOS: Yessir, Rosco!….I mean, Sheriff!! Ha!

BALLADEER: With Rosco back as Sheriff, Boss got on the c.b. to Jesse to have him tell Coy and Vance to bring Flash back.

(Quick shot of Uncle Jesse talking on the c.b., then a shot of Coy and Vance’s car fishtailing on the road and heading for the police station)

VANCE: Well, sounds like Rosco fell for Luke’s plan hook, line, and sinker, partner.

COY: Yup. Never a dull moment in Hazzard.

VANCE: Well, from now on, there’s gonna have to be. Uncle Jesse called us here to help out on the farm. Soon as we bring Flash back to Rosco, I figure he’s gonna have our whole day planned for us.

(switch back to the county court house, where Enos brings the A.P.B. to Rosco)

ENOS: I just finished makin’ out the A.P.B., Sheriff. You want me to start wirin’ it to all the neighborin’ Sheriff Departments?

(Coy and Vance enter with Flash)

VANCE: That won’t be necessary, Enos. Look what we found.

ENOS: Possum on a gumbush!! Coy and Vance!! When did y’all get back into town?

COY: We came back this mornin’ to help out with the farm chores while Bo and Luke are down and out.

VANCE: That’s right. But as soon as we got here, Daisy told us that Flash was missin’. So, knowin’ how much she means to Rosco, we set out to find her.

ROSCO: FLASH!! Come to daddy, darlin’! Oh, am I glad to see you!!

ENOS: Where’d y’all find her, anyway?

COY: She didn’t wander too far, really. We found her dippin’ into the scraps behind the Hazzard Butcher Shop.

ROSCO: Now, Flash, that’s a naughty naughty, disappearin’ on Daddy like that. I’m gonna have to punish ya. No more doggy num-nums for the rest of the day.

(close-up on Flash)

BALLADEER: How do ya like that? Even Flash is makin’ sacrafices to get Rosco back to bein’ sheriff. Y’know, sometimes I swear that dog is more Duke than Coltrane…

(We move on to about a month later. We see a shot of the narly restored General Lee sitting in Cooter’s Garage)

BALLADEER: Well, the weeks went by and, as Cooter predicted, the General was bouncin’ back quicker than the boys were.

(Switch to Capital City hospital waitng room, where Uncle Jesse and Daisy wait while Bo and Luke have their check-up)

BALLADEER: Meanwhile, Doc Applebee had just finished checkin’ out Bo and Luke’s progress and was gettin’ ready to give the news to Uncle Jesse and Daisy.

(Doc Applebee approaches Uncle Jesse and Daisy. They both stand and greet him)

DOC APPLEBEE: I’ve just finihsed examining the boys, Jesse…

UNCLE JESSE: And…?

DOC APPLEBEE: (with a very serious expression) Jesse, I think you and Daisy better come with me.

(Doc Applebee walks toward Bo and Luke’s examining room, with Uncle Jesse and Daisy following. We once again see the door open from inside the room. Doc Applebee holds the Door for Uncle Jesse and Daisy. They both walk in with shocked expressions on their faces)

(Scene freezes)

BALLADEER: Now, the last time we saw Jesse and Daisy with that expression on their faces, the boys were stuck in wheel chairs. Friends and neighbors, I’m afraid to look this time.

(End Act 6)