by: Keith
(Bo bends over and picks up the rag. Luke reaches out to stop him, letting his crutches fall to his side.)
LUKE: Bo, are you nuts?? You’re gonna….
(Luke’s speech trails off as he and Bo make eye contact, realizing what they are both doing. They are now both squatting on the floor. Bo has Cooter’s rag in his hand. Luke has one hand around Bo’s arm. After a short pause…)
LUKE: You alright?
BO: (grinning) …I think so….
LUKE: How do ya feel?
BO: A little stiff, but other than that….
LUKE: …Everything works.
(Bo and Luke slowly stand. They laugh and hug each other.)
COOTER: Hey, Y’all, wait a minute. Just wait a minute….y’all are sure everything works now? It’s all bendin’ and stretchin’ like it should?
LUKE: Well, I don’t think we’re gonna be doin’ any fifty yard dashes just yet, but it feels good enough to walk….
BO: (points at Luke and smiles)….And drive!
LUKE: You got that right. Matter of fact, we aughtta head back to the farm right now and let everybody know.
BO: (grinning from ear to ear) Yes, sir! Hey, Cooter, where’s the keys?
COOTER: Already in the ignition.
(Bo walks over to the driver’s side, but Luke stops him)
LUKE: Hey, you and me ain’t the only ones that need to take it easy right now. I want ya to promise me you’re gonna take it easy on the road. No goin’ over the speed limit, no fast turns, and above all, no jumps!
BO: Don’t worry about it, Luke. After everything we just been through, I ain’t about to take no risks.
(Bo approaches the driver’s side of the General Lee and tries to quickly climb in the window. He raise his right leg halfway and winces in pain)
BO: Hey, Luke, little piece of advice….take it slow gettin’ in.
(Luke and Cooter laugh and shake their heads. Luke goes to passenger side and slowly climbs in.)
LUKE: We’ll see ya later, Cooter!
COOTER: You bet! Keep between the ditches, now!
(Scene switches to county court house, where Boss Hogg sits in his office with a stack of cheeseburgers in front of him)
BALLADEER: Now, Bo and Luke wasn’t the only ones havin’ a revelation. Over at the court house, Boss could hear the sound of the General’s engine starin’, followed by the screech of tires. Which, he knew, could only mean one thing.
(Boss Hogg looks out his window just in time to see the General Lee speed away)
BOSS HOGG: Tarnation! The General Lee’s headed for the Duke farm! And Bo and Luke Duke ain’t over at Cooter’s no more! That must mean….
(Boss Hogg rushes over to his CB and picks up the microphone)
BOSS HOGG: Rosco! This is J.D. Hogg! You out there??
(Switch to Rosco doing speed trap duty in his patrol car)
ROSCO: That’s a big 10-4, little fat buddy….
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, the day I been dreadin’ more than anything else has finally come!!
ROSCO: Did Lulu finally move into your bedroom?
BOSS HOGG: Not that, you numbskull!! I just saw Bo and Luke Duke pull away from Cooter’s in the General Lee!!
ROSCO: Oh, Good news! Good news!! I’m glad you told me that, Boss. I was gettin’ kinda worried that….
BOSS HOGG: Rosco, will you quit your yammerin’ and listen to me?! They’re headed back to their farm, so they’ll be passin’ your speed trap any minute!
(The General Lee passes Rosco just as Boss Hogg speaks)
ROSCO: Boss, they just went by!
BOSS HOGG: Well, don’t just sit there! Get after ’em!!
ROSCO: But, Boss, they ain’t done nuthin. I mean they wasn’t speedin’. Matter of fact, they was goin’ a little bit under the limit….
BOSS HOGG: Well, then get ’em for impedin’!!
ROSCO: Oh, good grief! (into the mic) Alright, Boss. I’m gone.
(Rosco turns on his lights and sirene and starts after the General Lee. Switch to General Lee. Luke sees Rosco in the rear-view mirror)
LUKE: He sure didn’t waste no time.
BO: Ya reckon I should pull over and see what he wants?
LUKE: And let him think we gone soft on him? (nods to the road) Hit it!
BO: (smiling) You got it, Cousin! Hang on!!
(Rosco watches the General Lee speed ahead. He picks up his CB mic)
ROSCO: Bo, Luke, this is Rosco P. Coltraine. Listen, please pull over! I don’t want you boys gettin’ hurt again!
BO: (into mic) Don’t you worry about us, Rosco! You just keep your eyes on the road and try to keep up!
(Switch to an exterior view of the chase. Bo leads Rosco threw a few twists and turns, then down a long, straight road.)
LUKE: Watch it, Bo. Hazzard Pond is just up ahead. Don’t wanna risk jumpin’ it. The General might come out alright, but there’s no tellin’ if we will.
BO: Don’t worry about it, Luke. I got an even better idea!
(Switch to Rosco watching Bo head toward Hazzard Pond)
ROSCO: (shaking his head) He wouldn’t…..I mean, he can’t!….I mean….he’s gonna! I can’t watch (Rosco closes his eyes)
BO: By bye, Rosco! Hope you brought yer swimmin’ trunks!
(Bo turns the General Lee away just before he reaches the edge of the pond. Switch back to Rosco opening his eyes)
ROSCO: Flash, did they splat yet, Darlin? (sees the edge of the pond in front of him) Oooh-hoooo!!!
(Rosco’s patrol car launches into the air and lands halfway into the pond.)
(Switch back to Bo and Luke. Bo looks in rear view mirror)
BO: Well, they’re up. They must be alright.
LUKE: Must be pretty embarassin’, though….havin’ a dog that can swim better than you.
(Switch back to Rosco holding Flash just above water level.)
ROSCO: Well, Flash, at least things are gettin’ back to normal. GEEGEE!!
(Switch to the farm, where Daisy is carrying a picnic basket to her jeep. Uncle Jesse is feeding the chickens at the picnic table. Coy and Vance are bailing hay)
DAISY: Uncle Jesse, I’m just gonna run this picnic lunch over to Cooter’s. I shouldn’t be more’n about twenty minutes.
VANCE: (with a very perplexed look on his face) Hey, Daisy, hold up a minute. Y’all hear that?
(The sound of the General Lee’s engine is heard, followed by the Dixie horn. The General pulls up to the farm a second later.)
UNCLE JESSE: How’d the General Lee get here?
VANCE: (smiling) Take a look in the window, Uncle Jesse!
(Bo and Luke slowly climb out of the General Lee. Daisy runs over and gives them both a big hug)
UNCLE JESSE: HA! HA! Look at ya!! I knew it wasn’t gonna be long before you two was up and around again!
DAISY: So, does this mean you boys are all heeled now?
LUKE: Well, we’re a little stiff yet, but otherwise, (pats his legs) it all works.
UNCLE JESSE: That my boys!! Daisy, unpack that picnic basket! We gotta celebrate!!
(Cooter’s voice comes over the CB)
COOTER: Breaker 1! Breaker 1! Might be crazy but I ain’t dumb! Craaaaaaaazy Cooter commin’ atcha!! Any y’all Dukes home on the Hazzard net, come on?
(Luke picks up the CB mic)
LUKE: You got Luke here, Crazy C. What’s up.
COOTER: We got trouble, y’all. Enos just dropped off a stack of flyers for me to post around my garage. They say that Boss has doubled the entry fee for the Drag N’ Fly!
BO: He can’t do that!!
COOTER: It gets worse! He’s usin’ the accident as his excuse for it. It says here that the additional $500 from each driver will go toward the construction of a new bridge over Stix River. And he’s even gonna name it “Duke Bridge”.
UNCLE JESSE: Of all the low-down, dirty….!
LUKE: Much obliged for the info, Cooter. We’ll keep ya posted.
COOTER: Y’all holler if ya need me. I’m gone.
UNCLE JESSE: Daisy, that picnic lunch is gonna have to wait. I’m gonna go into town and give J.D. a piece of my mind!
LUKE: Hang on a second, Uncle Jesse, I got a better idea. Did you take the crop money to the bank yet?
UNCLE JESSE: Not yet, it’s still hidden inside the house.
LUKE: Great, then we got our entry fee.
UNCLE JESSE: Luke, I want you boys to be in that Drag N’ Fly just as much as anyone in Hazzard, but that money’s gotta last us four months. If you boys was in better shape, I’d give it to ya without a second thought, you know that. But, where you’re not completely up to snuff yet….
LUKE: Uncle Jesse, don’t worry. We ain’t gonna be givin’ Boss one dime of that money. We just need to have it with us to show him if my plan’s gonna work.
COY: What plan is that, Luke?
LUKE: The way I figure it, Boss has probably been keepin’ tabs on ours and the General’s progress from his office in the courthouse. He probably saw us the day we got them crutches, and I’ll bet ya anything he saw us drive the General away just now. Now, after all that’s happened, even HE ain’t about to send Rosco out to try another stunt. So he upped the entry fee figurin’ we’d never afford it and he could win the race.
UNCLE JESSE: Well, that wouldn’t surprise me, but how’s havin’ our crop money with us gonna solve anything?
LUKE: It’s simple. When we show him the money, he’s gotta enter us. Now, I’m bettin’ he knows that Cooter passed the hat around town to help fix the General. So he knows that folks ain’t got five hundred bucks lyin’ around right now. And since he’d just as soon see anyone but us win, even if it ain’t him, we call his bluff and wait for the day of the race to come.
UNCLE JESSE: I hope you’re right about this, Luke. Cause if you ain’t, we’re gonna be poorer than church mice til the next harvest.
(Switch to the court house about ten minutes later. Several angry drivers are gathered on the steps, waiting for Boss Hogg to retract the new entry fee. Boss Hogg stands at the top of the steps to address them)
BOSS HOGG: My fellow Drag N’ Fly drivers, word cannot express how much it pleases me to see you all here today to give the second half of your entry fee to help build Duke Bridge over Stix River!
(A driver pushes his way through the crowd)
DRIVER: But that’s just the problem, Boss! We ain’t got that kind of money right now! Everybody here gave all they had to Cooter to help fix the General Lee. We all like the Dukes, and we’re happy they’re back on their feet. But we just can’t afford another five hundred dollars!
(The Dixie horn is heard as the General Lee approaches, with Uncle Jesse’s truck following. It pulls up just behind the crowd and Bo and Luke climb out. All the drivers cheer for them as they make their way through the crowd, up to Boss Hogg)
LUKE: (handing Boss Hogg $500) Here ya go, Boss. Here’s me and Bo’s entry fee.
BOSS HOGG: (with a phony smile) Bo and Luke Duke! Well, I sure am pleased as punch to see you two boys on your feet again.
LUKE: We appreciate your concern for our well-bein’, Boss. (turns to crowd) And we wanna thank all of y’all in advance for givin’ the extra five hundred a piece to help build Duke Bridge. (turns back to Boss) But, Boss, even with the additional five hundred from all the drivers here, that ain’t gonna be nearly enough to build a decent bridge over Stix River. So, you must be plannin’ on donatin’ the rest of the money yourself, right? (turns back to crowd) Ain’t that generous of him, Y’all?
BALLADEER: Uh-huh….pretty slick.
(Boss Hogg gets a frustrated look on his face)
LUKE: Course, that’s a lot of money even for you, Boss. You sure you can afford all that? Or maybe you’d rather just retract that extra five hundred dollar entry fee and plan this whole bridge thing out a little better…
(Boss Hogg gets more frustrated)
BO: Yeah, shoot, Boss, ya gotta show a little pity on your road crew. They got three 10-year jobs goin’ as it is. Heck, most of ’em’ll be retired before they get to build anything over Stix River.
(We see Uncle Jesse grinning and laughing)
UNCLE JESSE: That’s my boys!
BOSS HOGG: (falsely grinning again) Now that you mention it, you boys may be right. I got so caught up in the spirit of charity, I didn’t really think this whole thing through all the way.
LUKE: Glad we could help ya clear that up, Boss. So, when’s the race gonna be?
BOSS HOGG: Well, since you boys are back on your feet, I see no reason to put it off any longer. So, it’ll be this commin’ Saturday.
(We move on to Saturday, at the site of the Drag N’ Fly race. All the drivers have taken their turns, except Boss Hogg and the Dukes. There is a row of damaged cars off to the side with Cooter’s tow truck.)
BALLADEER: The day of the Drag N’ Fly finally came. And while Cooter was off to the side linin’ up jobs for the next six months, Boss was gettin’ ready to make his jump in his Hogg Hellcat.
(We see Boss Hogg in his white racing suit, with Rosco handing him his helmet)
ROSCO: Boss, ain’t you gonna have me drive your car for ya like usual?
BOSS HOGG: What?? After everything I been through gettin’ to this here race?! Not on your life!! There’s only one man I trust to drive my Hogg Hellcat now, and that’s ME!!
(Boss Hogg puts his helmet on and slides into his car. He then drives it to the starting line. The Dukes and Cooter watch from the sideline)
LUKE: I hope he put enough weight in the trunk to counter all the weight in the front.
(The checkered flag is waved and Boss Hogg makes his run for the ramp. His car launches into the air and flies about fifty yards before making a horizontal landing.)
LUKE: I gotta admit, he went a pretty good distance.
BO: Yeah, that flat landing might hurt him, though.
LUKE: Come on, Cousin. We’re up.
UNCLE JESSE: You boys be careful, now!
(Bo and Luke climb into the General Lee and put their helmets on.)
LUKE: You sure you’re ready for this?
BO: Cousin, I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.
LUKE: (nods) Hit it.
(Bo drives the General Lee to the starting line. Boss Hogg joins Rosco on the sideline)
ROSCO: Boss, you got that prize money ready?
BOSS HOGG: The race ain’t over yet. What do I need the prize money now for??
ROSCO: Well, I just thought maybe you’d wanna be prepared….cause this is the part where you loose. (makes his little noises)
(The checkered flag is waved and Bo floors the gas pedal. The General Lee reaches the ramp, launches into the air, and flies about sixty-five yards before landing at a downward angle. The crowd waits in anticipation for Bo and Luke to get out of the General Lee. They start to climb out, and the crowd cheers)
BALLADEER: Well, to no one’s surprise, the boys and General Lee won the Drag N’ Fly. Boss handed over their prize money and the Dukes used it to get caught up on their debts.
(Scene switches to the Duke farm, where Coy and vance are packing their car to leave)
BALLADEER: And, true to their word, Coy and Vance had to go since Bo and Luke were back on their feet.
LUKE: Hey, y’all, thanks for helpin’ out while we was down. We really appreciate it.
VANCE: Hey, that’s what bein’ a Duke’s all about.
BO: Y’all take care of yourselves, now. Give our best to Uncle Albert and the family.
COY: You bet we will.
UNCLE JESSE: Now, you boys listen. You even get up this way again, you make sure you stop in and visit, y’hear? And if Uncle Albert needs any help up there on his farm, you just call us and we’ll be there quicker than a rattle snake on a field mouse.
(Daisy kisses the boys goodbye. They get in their car and drive off.)
BALLADEER: The boys were back on their feet, Coy and Vance was headin’ home, and the General was runnin’ just as smooth as ever. Things were finally quitin’ down in Hazzard. Maybe now, Bo and Luke can go pay off their bar tab.
(scene freezes)
THE END