by: Essy Jane

Jesse and Jose were driving like they usually did at this hour of the day. The dirt took to the air in front of the General Lee. Both boys looked at each other and shrugged. Now country boys always seem to take life pretty easily. The boys weren’t any different. Jose and Jesse could take on the world and not worry about anything else but helping people.

Jose took a peek in the back mirror, staring at a horrid sight. He shuddered as he held on tighter to the wheel. “Hey, why do you think he is so heated at us? We didn’t do anything astoundingly wrong did we now?” Jose asked.

“I don’t know…we slowed down for old Miss Perkins I guess he doesn’t like us?” Jesse answered.

“Or maybe he has a bad side when it comes to the elderly.”

“You’re weird.”

“Oh and you think you’re any better?”

“I don’t think so I know so.” Jose shook his head and straightened up. He glared at Jesse for a minute.

“If you didn’t have your head so high up in the clouds all the time, we would be out of this by now.” Jose made another turn. He looked behind him at Cletus who was still behind them. The sirens squealed in the background. The lights shone bright.

“You know, if you don’t hurry up we’re goanna be caught.” Jesse yawned. He shook his head softly as Jose began making the General go side to side. “That will be the second time this week that we were caught when you were driving.”

“Yeah, I am glad you know how to count, Jesse.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jesse glared at Jose. “You’re saying I am stupid?”

“I didn’t say it, you did.”

“Well look who can’t drive?”

“I am trying here.” Jose took a jump. Cletus followed. Jose shook his head as Jesse laughed. “What is so funny?”

“You’re doing lousy, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing and…”

“Ah, that’s the problem, you have nothing on your mind because you have no mind.”

“You are asking for it.”

“I sure am.”

“You know Jesse, I ain’t doing lousy, he’s really on our tail today. Just like a hunter who never looses target.” Jose and Jesse both shook their heads.

“Well if we’re dragged in again…”

“I know, Bo’s goanna kick our butts all the way back to Montana. Then we’ll have to deal with LB’s new wife and baby.”

“Man, wouldn’t want to do that.” Jose stepped on the gas. There was some construction up ahead.

“I thought you liked babies.” They smashed through the road block.

“I do, just not when they’re screaming.” Part of the dirt road was higher than the other. Jose was now traveling on two wheels.

“Oh real cute Jose, now if you don’t mind, I would like General Lee to be on all fours like he was meant to.” Jose did as Jesse said. Cletus went around the construction and continued to follow him. “What is his problem?”

“How would I know?” They continued to go as faster but Cletus just wasn’t letting up.

“You just don’t know how to speed up do you Jose?”

“I do too Jesse, I am telling you. Cletus is goanna catch us.”

“Well I can see that. You drive terribly.”

“No, you have been too cocky with the General lately.”

“I have not.”

“You have too.”

“No way.”

“Oh admit it Jesse and let’s get off of this topic.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks, Jesse…let’s worry about Cletus.” From the General Lee you could see right into the other car, Jesse could see Cletus’ face turn red. He grabbed his gun. Both Jose and Jesse’s eyes widened. “IS HE CRAZY?” Cletus shot out their tire. Jose pulled off to the side of the road and bashed his hands down on the steering wheel.

“You know, if I was driving this would have happened.” Jose began laughing hard. “Uh huh, you know as well as I do.”

“First of all, quit sticking that nose of yours in the air, you’re poking the birds.”

“You know it and I know it, I’m the better driver.”

“Well when you find me the time machine to prove that to me, let me know.”

“I will.”

“You think that we’re going to jail?”

“No, we just resisted arrest and…”

“What are we being arrested for? What did we do today?”

“We’ll find out I guess.” Cletus stepped out of the car and waved his gun in their face. Jose and Jesse put their hands up.

“Boss Roscoe thinks my son is better than me well, he’s never caught the Duke Boys. Get out of the car,” Cletus commented.

“Hey, are you alright?” Jose asked.

“Did you hear me or are you plain deaf? Get your tails out of the car.” Jose and Jesse rolled their eyes and got out.

“What is the charge Cletus?”

“Flying without a license.”

“I could have told you that would have been one of the charges,” Jesse laughed.

“Resisting arrest.”

“Inappropriate driving.”

“Yes, inappropriate driving and uh…”

“Impeding.”

“Exactly.”

“Jesse, quit giving him ideas,” Jose grumbled.

“Well he would have thought of them sooner or later would you have Cletus?” Jesse asked.

“Of course I would have. Thank you for not thinking I am stupid,” Cletus answered Jesse. Jose rolled his eyes and Jesse slapped his cousin in the back of the head playfully.

“You’re welcome. Now, can you clear a couple of those?”

“Sure, we’ll just stick to impeding.”

“Give me a break Cletus, an old lady was…” Jose began.

“I don’t care what the old lady did Jose, you were driving way too slow.” Cletus cuffed them one at a time and pushed them into the car. “Do you want me to read you your rights?”

“Nah.”

“Not in the mood,” Jesse added.

“Alright then Jesse and Jose Duke, I would like to welcome you to my lovely police car and please enjoy the ride down to the station,” Cletus answered them. Jose was about to say something but Jesse stepped on his toe. Jose let out a wild yelp. “You okay back there?” Jose nodded as he stomped on Jesse’s toe.

As they got into town, Cletus parked the car. Lilly watched as the boys were pulled into the station. She shook her head and jogged into her garage. Lilly shook her head. “Always in trouble those two,” She mumbled to herself.

PART TWO

A few hours later, at the farm, Bo had just curled up to a good book. Everything was pretty much quiet. Bo looked at Jesse and Jose, smiling as they walked in the door. “Foiled another one of Boss Roscoe’s plans?” Bo asked softly. Jesse shook his head. “Then why are you two look so…”

“Out of sorts?” Jose asked.

“Yeah, that was the word I was looking for.”

“Well…”

“Well that son of Cletus’ is working with Boss Roscoe. Cletus is so dang mad that he run us in,” Jesse grumbled. Bo crossed his arms and looked at his boys. He shook his head softly.

“He road you in, on what charge?” Bo asked softly.

“Impeding, an elderly woman was crossing the street. We stopped for her. He ran us in. Don’t worry, Lilly bailed us out.” Bo shook his head peacefully. Yep, old Bo hated when other people had to bail out his boys.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“You didn’t answer our one phone call. Besides, Lilly found out about our little run in with the law and remembered the wooden head I carved for her shop.”

“And the new sign I made for the garage,” Jose added.

“Doesn’t Cletus’ son just make you mad?”

“He makes Roscoe happy…makes Perry and Cletus upset.”

“Do you guys know when Cletus adopted his son?” Bo asked the two boys. Jesse and Jose shrugged.

“You know, when we came back to the farm, there he was—taking over our territory and helping the Boss.”

“Well here, y’all need a good story. Why don’t you sit back and listen for a while?” Jose and Jesse looked at each other. They shrugged and nodded.

“Why not? We have nothing better to do,” Jose mumbled.

“Yeah, Hazzard his been kind of quiet this past week,” Jesse added.

“Wonder what Boss is cooking up.”

“Don’t worry about it, you and Jesse always seem to find out. In the meantime, let’s get on with the story.”

* * * *

(Bo’s story)

The Duke boys had been gone for a long time. Cletus had no one to really chase except for maybe Essy, Daisy, Bo and Luke. They were all so worried about Jose and Jesse, they didn’t really do anything. Jo seemed to be so smothered she wasn’t able to get out of the house. Yep, Hazzard had become dull. Boss’ schemes seemed to become easier to run. Well then again, without opposition, who wouldn’t be able to run all the operations they were? Daily moonshine runs with no problems. Swindling people into heaven knows what else.

Cletus was getting bored. Not only that, he thought that he needed something more. Sure, Maybelle was a great wife but someone was missing. As Cletus drove down the long stretch of road, he noticed kids and their Dads standing around doing things for each other. That night when he got home, he talked to Maybelle. She agreed.

The next day was an adoption show where older children are viewed by various couples. There were many nice children there that Maybelle seemed to love but one seemed to stick out. Now, if you watched him you would understand why.

This kid was a bit of a portly fellow. He was playing blackjack with some of the kids. The young man shuffled the cards and dealt out two to each one. All of them carefully marked. They kids were loosing all their marbles to him. Cletus smiled and rubbed his hands together. Cletus approached the coordinator. “Excuse me Susan, who is that little boy?” Cletus asked softly as he pointed to the young portly fellow. Susan’s eyes widened.

“Don’t you want one of the other kids?” She questioned.

“What’s his name ma’am?”

“Jacob-Daley Harrison but…”

“What does he go by?”

“Umm…JD but…”

“Oh! A sign, honey, he is the one.” Maybelle nodded and smiled as she wrapped her arm around her husband.

“He’s a scammer.”

“No one is perfect ma’am.”

“He’s…”

“A natural born Hogg. I didn’t marry Cletus so my life would be boring but you know, I did marry the man so we could have fun. This JD makes him happy and whatever Cletus wants—Cletus gets. He’s going to be ours now can you draw up the papers?” Maybelle asked. Susan sighed and nodded.

“Okay but don’t say I didn’t warn you. He is a trouble maker.”

“I don’t mind. I am a good mama.”

“I am sure you are but he’s been returned a couple of times.”

“You won’t see us return him believe me.” The woman shook her head. Susan really didn’t know how to deter them from this monstrous child. This kid was someone you would expect to be in a prison not in someone’s home.

Cletus and Maybelle went home that night, satisfied and excited. When JD Harrison came along a while later, the boys had just arrived back in town. JD was walking with Cletus that morning. He wasn’t looking too happy.

“Why do I have to get new clothes?” JD asked. He stared at his own clothes. He was wearing baggy blue jeans and a shirt that went down to his knees. “I look fine.”

“Ah but you don’t look like a Hogg,” Cletus reminded him. He put an arm around his son. JD ripped it off. He growled at Cletus and crossed his arms. “What did I do so wrong?”

“You’re not my Daddy.”

“I am now, just give me a chance.”

“Can you smell a good scam when you see one?”

“Not as good as my cousin Boss but he left his memoirs and…”

“Memoirs? Why would I need some old guy’s memoirs?”

“Well son, if you want to get ahead spiritually, you read the bible.” JD turned away. Cletus turned him back towards him, he smiled at JD. “If you wanna get ahead with the dough you listen to old Boss Hogg.”

“So he was good?”

“Good doesn’t describe just how dirty he was. Smart fella my cousin.” Cletus took out a picture of Boss Hogg and himself when he first got his badge. JD touched the white suit. “You know, Jacob-Daley, he had the same initials you do. He and you are a lot alike. Now, you can be a part of the family and inherit all his secrets.”

“I want to be him.”

“Well let’s do it then.” They walked into the tailoring shop. When they walked out again, JD had a newly fashioned white suit. He fluffed his dark brown hair and smiled. “You’re beautiful.”

“Pa, men are handsome…women are beautiful.”

“That’s the spirit.” Cletus kicked him in the bum as they walked. JD glared at his newly adopted father. JD did the same thing, kicking him high on the bum. “You’re becoming a Hogg already.”

“Good, now when do we have lunch?”

“Son, that comes in a minute. A Hogg loves his grits but first, we have to make you a top of the line Hogg.”

“I see.”

“Now for your next step in becoming THE JD Hogg…he always said to me, ‘Hey idiot, you want money?’ I would say, ‘Yeah Boss of course I want money.’ Then he would tell me, ‘In order to make money fast, you have to get in contact with someone who can make you a lot of money.’ Son, now I know just the person.”

They walked over to the car and got in.

* * * *

“Nice story Dad, but we’re wasting time here,” Jesse commented. Bo rolled his eyes. He looked at Jesse, glaring at him impatiently. “Well Boss Roscoe and his sidekick Hogg are going to get away.”

“You don’t even know what they’re up to yet. What makes you think you can go and decide this right now?” Bo questioned. Jose began to laugh at his cousin. “You know I am right. If you go looking for trouble now, you’re goanna get in even more trouble. Haven’t you learned anything from me yet?”

“Nah, he’s too busy thinking about how he can get into trouble,” Jose laughed. Jesse threw a pillow at his cousin.

“Do you want a real fight?” Jesse asked as he defiantly stared at Jose. Bo shook his head as Nancy walked in. “I could take you anytime—any place.”

“What kind of fight, cousin? I could take you on.”

“Arrows?”

“Sure, anytime, any place!”

“Fine by me!”

“Hey! I just got home and y’all are fighting! Stop it now!” Nancy exclaimed. Jose and Jesse shook and made up, knowing that’s what their parents made them do normally. Bo laughed as Nancy sat down.

“Can we hear more of the story then?” Jose asked.

“Yeah, of course you can,” Bo replied. He scratched his head and looked out into space. There was a sudden look of clarity on his face. “Oh yeah, well JD Harrison and Cletus Hogg made their way to the Boar’s Nest. Now, JD was under age but that didn’t mean he couldn’t go and see Boss Roscoe in his office.”

* * *

“What in the devil are you doing here? I thought you were taking a day off. Now you’re here with me. You might as well be in uniform. Who is this?” Roscoe barked. Cletus jumped. “He sure knows how to dress Jit-Jit. Not like my Perry or like you! You’re a pompous dipstick!” Cletus was about to speak when JD stopped him.

“I like the way you did that. Pa jumped three feet high,” JD said.

“Yeah he did, didn’t he? Khee.”

“You’re a smart man.”

“Wow, thanks for noticing.”

“Invoke fear after you have them under your staff, I like that.” Roscoe smiled. Now for all those who know Roscoe very well, you will know that he loves praise of any kind. Well, that and money. “You have a nice laugh and great style.”

“Khee, I do have a nice laugh don’t I?”

“How those stones shine on your suit.” Roscoe stood up from the famous barber’s chair. He looked straight at JD.

“Mmm, mmm…you do look familiar. Do I know you?”

“Well, my name is Jacob-Daley Harrison. People call me JD.”

“Whoo-jit! Cletus you are such a numbskull…his name, a good luck omen, why didn’t you tell me before, Ooooo you dipstick you.”

“Well you must be referring to the JD Hogg…the famous one. You know, the one that passed away a while back?”

“You know your Hazzard history son.”

“Dang, I sure do. Now, he’s my hero and I want to be like him. I was wondering if you would give me some money to change my last name to Hogg. A Hogg is feared in this town.”

“Not anymore they ain’t, your Pa here has made a bad name of them.”

“Nah, he’s a lawman ain’t he?”

“Yes sir, he is.”

“I heard for a time he was a lawman.”

“Sure was, I demoted him after I inherited millions that turned out to be a typo.”

* * * * *

Jesse shook his head. “Ah, the Jason Steele discomfiture,” Jesse commented. He shook his head.

“I can finish this,” Jo mumbled. She looked at both her cousins. “JD was liked by Roscoe so much that he paid for his name change. Now, they work together trying to scheme and plan horrible things.”

“The question here is how to stop him from helping Roscoe so much.”

“Well that’s simple, send him away.” Jesse and Jose both rolled their eyes. “What? It is a great idea. No JD, the problems go down.”

“With Boss Roscoe going as well as he is, JD will have earned him more money in scams than anyone,” Jose replied.

“Yeah, you’re right cuz but, I think I have an idea. You see, what you have to do is this…” Now if you’re wondering what is going on, so am I. Jo was filling them in on the finer points of life—trying to whisper so that Bo didn’t whoop them one for thinking it.

Bo was all about befriending and doing everything clean. They were about to do something drastic that their father may not have approved of. Nancy wouldn’t have either. “What you say to each other can be said in front of us,” Nancy commented.

“Your Mother is right,” Bo added.

“Some things should not be left to you young guns.”

“Why not?” Jose asked.

“We’re awesome at what we do,” Jo added.

“Besides, we’re Dukes—you trust us don’t you?” Jesse continued.

“Not when you say do you trust me,” Bo responded.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be gone and the Dukes can hold their heads high.”

“When you’re not getting arrested.”

“Nah, even then we hold our heads high.” Bo laughed as they walked out of the room. He looked at Nancy.

“You know what they were whispering don’t you?” Nancy asked. Bo smiled softly. “I knew it!”

“What the boys don’t know is, I read lips,” Bo answered his wife.

“That’s why they don’t get away with anything.”

“Of course.”

“What is their plan?”

“I won’t tell you, that’s something between me and them.”

“Man, you would think that you would tell your own wife, Bo.”

“You would tan their hides.”

“What if they get in trouble Bo? You know, they’re young. They aren’t exactly the smartest yet.”

“They don’t have to honey, they’ll learn.”

“And get in jail again?”

“Umm…no.”

“What if they can’t get JD?”

“Don’t worry honey, if they can’t do it, we will.”

“You’re right babe, why should I worry? We have gotten them out of tougher strains.”

“You are so right my love. Let’s make the usual pact.” Bo spit on his hand and Mrs. Nancy-Lou Duke did the same. They shook hands firmly.

“Done.”

“Well done.” Nancy laughed. She stared at her husband for a second and then laughed at him. “This is going to be quite the little adventure.” Nancy nodded. Well folks, if you were planning to cook a steak right about now, hold off a spell will you? The action is just about to start.

PART THREE

The boys and Jo made their way into town for what they called, Operation Adoption. No folks, they weren’t planning to send JD away to a new family. Nope, that wasn’t the mast plan at all. Jesse and Jose were listening to Jo for once. She was thrilled to be part of the team…team Duke. They got themselves into town.

“Now, Jesse, you remember what to do don’t you?” Jo asked. Jesse laughed. He always thought it was funny when Jo treated him like a baby. He knew he wasn’t a toddler. Jesse could do almost anything.

“Well come on Jo Anna, I know what I am doing—I am a Duke don’t ya know,” Jesse answered his sister.

“It’s Jo not Jo Anna.”

“Sorry sis.”

“Yeah, right.” Jesse got out of the General as the approached Lilly’s Garage. “Remember, slow and steady.”

“You have got to be kidding me Jo Anna Duke! I never go slowly up there and I never ever will.”

“If you fall…”

“I ain’t goanna fall.”

“What if you do?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll think of something, something to allow me to sit on a pile of cushions.” Jose laughed. “How would I know what I was going to do if I fell?”

“He’s a Duke Jo he will do his best,” Jose added. Jo Anna glared at him.

“Yeah, no problems here, Jo Anna,” Jesse declared. Jo Anna shook her head. She hated the thought of Jesse going to such great heights to do something for her. He was right though, the only way to get there without the law seeing him was up. Jesse knew it as well as Jo did.

“Jesse, just be careful okay?” Jo pleaded with her brother. Jesse crocked an eyebrow. “I mean it Jesse I want you to be precautious. Watch every step you make.”

“We’re wasting time here,” Jose cut in.

“Oh don’t be such a jerk Jose!”

“You wanna go?”

“I don’t wanna go with you anywhere.”

“Would you stop it?” Jesse asked.

“Sorry,” Jo mumbled. She sighed. “Just please be cautious. I only have one brother and you’re not very replaceable.”

“Awe, you care, I love you too Jo.” He kissed Jo on the cheek. Jo Anna had this horrific look on her face. She wiped off the kiss.

“You’re nauseating you creature! You ogre you…you mischievous hobgoblin! You undernourished stick!” Jo continued to wipe her face. Jose couldn’t stop laughing. Jesse really did it this time. Man, Jo hated kisses from her brother. Jose on the other hand loved to watch the response. “How dare you plant your lips on me! Now I have to boil my face in water!”

“You would die.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Jesse winked at her. Jo rolled her eyes as he turned and walked over to the side of the garage. Jesse scrambled up the escape ladder like a small monkey and went up onto the roof and smiled. He loved being on the roof. Jesse never was afraid of heights. He waved at Jo and Jose just before he began the fun part of this whole little adventure, jumping buildings.

“You think he can do it?”

“Oh sure—Jesse’s good at those kind of things,” Jose replied. Now I bet you’re wondering what Jose’s part is in all of this. Do you remember how angry Cletus is at JD? Do you remember just who old Cletus is taking it out on?

Well, it is Jose’s job to drive the General—which has a brand new spanking tire. The General can really cook. If he gets Cletus, he can grab Perry and DJ as well. Yep folks, Jose sure knows how to be the fox in a hunt. Only these ain’t blood hounds…these people are a part of Hazzard law.

Okay, now if Jose’s job is fixing the law, what is Jesse and Jo doing? I guess you’ll have to watch because I am plum out of ideas here. You can see Jesse jumping the good old fashioned buildings like Bo and Luke used to do all the time. He looks like he is headed for Boss’ office over at the County Jail. Well, isn’t the plot thickening folks?

Jo Anna got out of the General and walked across the street. Now for those who are regulars to Hazzard, you can remember how much Huey and Dewy Hogg were in love with Daisy? They would chase old Daisy all over the place—I ain’t kidding on that one. Daisy was used in many traps for the two Hogg boys.

Well, their attraction didn’t even compare to how much this JD Hogg loved her. So you can imagine what her job was. Yep, decoy two—getting young JD to follow her around. Don’t worry, if there was any trouble, she just had to dial for Jose and he would come back and grab her.

She was in the traditional shorts, the ones that have been given the name, “Daisy Duke Shorts” Jesse didn’t approve of those at all but he didn’t have much choice, Jo wore what ever she wanted to. If Jesse tried to stop her, Bo would have his head. Not only that, Jo had legs like Daisy and what better way to attract a man.

She walked into the courthouse as Jose wailed the old Dixie horn. Now don’t you love that horn? Its party time ladies and gentlemen—and me without my popcorn. Jose watched as three patrol cars began to follow him. Jo’s plan seemed to be coming together…well, I still down know what Jesse’s part in it is.

Watching Jo Anna is a work of art. You can see the Daisy skills rippling through. Now folks, I think every Duke possesses what is so famously called the Duke Charm. Bo and Luke could lure people into helping them with just a few words. You do know how many people in Hazzard did things for them don’t you?

Anyway, Jo Anna knocked on Boss Roscoe’s door. “Cletus, I thought you were chasing them Duke Boys!” Roscoe exclaimed. He shook his head. “You dipstick, you want to get fired don’t you?” Jo opened the door. “What do you want, Jo Anna? Why in the world would you come here? I would have thought you hated me.”

“Oh Boss, she doesn’t hate anyone,” JD commented.

“Hush! Just hush you! Jo Anna is a no account hoodlum just like them Duke Boys. You know as well as I do them Dukes are tricky. Jo Anna ain’t any different from them. Jo Anna is just like her cousins.”

“It’s Jo—I want JD,” Jo Anna replied. Look into JD’s face. Do you see his eyes? Uh huh, they’re wider than two saucers of milk. He points to himself. “Yeah JD, I want to see just how…powerful you are or are you afraid of teaching me some of your tricks?” JD pulled at his collar.

“Uh…sure,” JD commented.

“JD, don’t go with her! Dukes are tricky,” Roscoe recommended. Oh it was too late, Daisy already had caught him with her net. Now there’s fast action. Boss Roscoe shook his head. He couldn’t believe it. Boss had to get something done to get his mind off JD’s first major mistake, trusting a Duke. He barely even saw the rope come down into his office but he couldn’t help but notice Jesse coming in. “What are you doing here? First, your dang confounded sister and now you? Didn’t Cletus say he was chasing you?”

“Sure he’s chasing the General Lee and a part of him will always carry me. Now, I wanted to show you my brand new pen,” Jesse mumbled.

“You came through the hatch in my roof to show me a new pen?”

“Sure, why not? Us Dukes ain’t always able to do things the normal way.”

“Point taken, I am a little on edge.”

“You want to relax? I know a technique.”

“Yeah, at this point I will try anything—even if it is help from a Duke.”

“Now Roscoe, look at the tip of my pen.” Roscoe stared at the golden end as Jesse moved it side to side. “Concentrate only on the tip. “Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth…” As Jesse was using his hypnotizing techniques on Boss Roscoe, Jose was having trouble shaking the three police cars.

“Ah this is Lost sheep three calling Messy Essy and Manic Mechanic…are you in the chicken coop ladies?” Jose said over the CB.

“This is Miss Manic Mechanic coming in loud and clear,” Lilly replied over the CB.

“Messy Essy on the raid, do you need some aid, come back mister sheep?” Essy questioned over the CB.

“Messy and manic, I need some cruise control. I can you provide? I can deal with one roasted pig but three are a little out of my league today…comeback,” Jose answered.

“No worries lost sheep three, we’ll hook you up with some pig be gone. Over and out Mister lost sheep three.”

As you watched the General Lee maneuver through three road blocks, you knew that the Dukes of Hazzard were the best drivers out there. However, three against one ain’t always fair. You know as well as I do, the lawmen are bad drivers. On the other hand, they still had some good skills. I said some ladies and gentlemen.

As Messy Essy made her way over, she grabbed hold of Perry by bumping him hard. Manic Mechanic, or Miss Lilly-Rose as she is known to you and me, had DJ on her tail in a matter of minutes. Doesn’t take much to get him on your backside does it now? Essy and Uncle Sam always were great together—just like Jesse and the General—or Bo and the General—or Jo. This could go on for a bit. Ah, I wave a flag…all the Dukes are good in the General Lee.

Anyway, Uncle Sam was about to make a jump over the ridge. He prepared himself and took on a lot of speed…thanks to the driver inside him of course. Now there was no way DJ was goanna try this. Especially since he just had his car repaired. He sat there looking at Uncle Sam as it drove away. He was sure relaxation was better than someone breaking their foot in your backside.

Now Perry wasn’t driving too badly. Lilly knew how to fix that one. She took the nails she had just picked up and dumped them on the road. She was ahead of him and poor old Perry didn’t even see it coming. As his tires popped, he waved his fist.

Cletus still was on Jose’s tail when Jo Anna rang his cell phone twice which was the signal that JD was getting a little strong on her. Now tell me folks, how can Jose be in two places at once? Well sir, he just can’t. So, who was goanna help poor Jo Anna? I mean honestly, they were all too far away. All of them were busy except young Jesse Duke, who had just finished with Boss Roscoe’s “Relaxation” technique.

Whelp, he walked out of Boss’ office without an offer of citizen’s arrest. Now folks that is pretty good. He watched as Jo Anna ran from JD Hogg. Jesse shook his head. Now how was he goanna get anywhere without wheels?

Well sir, remember, family is all over Hazzard right now. There was Daisy riding in her new SUV. She rolled down the power windows. “Hey Jess, you need a ride somewhere?” Daisy asked. Jesse nodded.

“Could we pick Jo up on the way?” Jesse asked.

“Oh yeah, no problems there, cousin…we’ll pick up Jo.” Jesse got into the front seat. He barely had time to do up his seatbelt when Daisy pulled that U-turn. She beeped the horn twice. Jo Anna ran to the SUV.

“It’s about time someone came for me!” Jo exclaimed.

“What were you doing with old JD anyway?” Daisy asked.

“I was just keeping JD Hogg busy while Jesse messed with Boss’ mind.” Daisy crocked an eyebrow. She suddenly broke into a smile.

“You know in any other place I would ask why you were messing with Boss Roscoe but here, I don’t even want to know.” Jesse and Jo Anna laughed.

“You see, I didn’t fall off the roof,” Jesse mumbled.

“You were on the roof?”

“Uh…yeah Daisy, how else do you get to Boss Roscoe’s office?” Daisy began to laugh. She shook her head.

“Y’all are a riot.”

Over at Boss Roscoe’s office, JD just walked back in. “That dang gal—you know, I could have her she’s just stubborn. Oh well, no worries, I can get someone twice as pretty with way better legs,” JD grumbled.

“You can’t find anyone with better legs than Jo Anna Duke, Jacob-Daley Hogg…not here anyway,” Roscoe commented.

“What do you mean? There are plenty of great women here.”

“None of them compare to Jo. She may be wild but she inherited the pretty Duke gene. I don’t know anyone else that has the luck them Dukes do. Now, we need to speak frankly here. I am sending you away.” JD’s eyes widened.

“What?! Just yesterday you said a lifetime partnership.”

“You’re still in High School boy! Same as those no account Duke Boys! Now, we’ll send you to a nice boarding school and then to college.”

“I don’t understand!”

“You want power?”

“Yeah.”

“Education, that’s power now if you don’t get any, you’ll be dumber than a pile of fertilizer! Now who wants someone like that running Hazzard County?”

“Umm…”

“Think about it, eight years in good schools are goanna do you well. Now, get packing because I am paying for all of it.”

“But Boss, you never pay for anything at…”

“Hey, don’t you tell me what I do. Now get!” JD shrugged and walked out of the room. Boss’ eyebrows dropped. “Why am I paying for it? Oh well, I guess I am just weird, khee.”

You’re wondering what is going on with Jose. Well, he’s still being chased by Cletus. Folks, old Cletus changes when he’s angry. He changes from almost cuddly to deadly. Now when JD got the news, he CBed Cletus. “This is JD calling Pa, are you in?” JD asked.

“Yeah! This is your father, what do you want?” Cletus grumbled back.

“I am going to boarding school…a good one and then college.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Uh huh.”

“I see.”

“That’s it?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Goodbye—good luck, you have my blessing.”

“Well, you have all of the above.” Cletus smiled. “This is Cletus to Jose come in.”

“This is Jose,” Jose answered on the CB.

“You’re off the hook.”

“Cool.”

“See you around.”

“Okay.” If I was anywhere else but Hazzard I wouldn’t have believed it. How in the world do those boys get all that luck? I guess we’ll never know.

“This is country cousin to lost sheep three come back?” Daisy said over the CB.
“This is lost sheep three.”

“Meet you back at home base.”

“That’s a 10-4 Country cousin…do you have lost sheep two and Jo Peep?”

“Sure do, snug as a bug in a rug.” Well there you have it. That’s the tale of Operation Adoption. After all, adoption means acceptance and making Boss Roscoe Coltrane accept sending JD away was the best thing they could do for Hazzard. But when he came back years later—oh wait, that’s another story, for Hazzard County.