by: Jamanda

At the farm, Daisy is serving lunch to Uncle Jesse and the boys.

Luke: Sowbelly and beans again?
Daisy: Don’t complain.
Bo: Oh we won’t.
Jesse: Good. Last thing we need right now is complainin’.
Daisy: Was Boss bothering you again Uncle Jesse?
Jesse: More than that Daisy. I’m afraid I’ll have to…
Bo: No!
Jesse: Bo, we ain’t got no choice. With this drought, we ain’t brought in enough to barely feed ourselves, let alone pay the mortgage. We’re gonna have to auction it.
Luke: But Uncle Jesse…
Jesse: Don’t ‘But Uncle Jesse’ me! I’ve tried everything else, but it’s just no use. Unless God blesses us with some rain or some money, we’ll have to put the farm up for public auction.
Luke: You know Boss’ll be the only one with enough money to buy it.
Bo: Yeah, and he’ll get it for cheap too.
Jesse: I know it. But we ain’t got a choice so…we’ll just have to swallow our pride and…trust in the Lord with this one.

Meanwhile, at the Boar’s Nest, Boss is happier than a pig in a pile of slop.

Boss: Rosco! I never thought I’d see the day where I could just buy out that Duke farm.
Rosco: And cheap too!
Boss: Yeah! Dirt cheap. There ain’t nobody in this county that can outbid me. That farm’s as good as mine.
Rosco: But Boss, don’t you think you should keep an eye on the auction just in case?
Boss: No need for that Rosco. Just do what I tell you. Put in that bid for me and I’ll collect that farm when I get back from Atlanta.
Rosco: Well okay.
Boss: Think of it Rosco. All them Dukes without a home. Why it’ll just crush them.
Rosco: Yeah, it’ll break their little redneck hearts.
Boss: And Jesse will be in my debt if he wants to get that farm back.
Rosco: Be in your debt…just like me.
Boss: Rosco, nobody will ever be in my debt as deep as you are…
Rosco: Since you married my fat sister.
Boss: Since I married your fat sister.

The next day, the Dukes stand around in the courthouse during the hours that the farm is up for auction.

Jesse: What’s the price now Emery?
Emery: It’s still the price Mr. Hogg put in.
Bo: Nothin’ else?
Emery: Sorry.
Luke: Just a few minutes left and it’s gone.

Daisy just leans on Uncle Jesse’s shoulder as Emery answers the phone.

Emery: Hello. Oh yes. It’s still open. You do? For how much? HOW much? THAT much? Well yes sir! Your name again? Yes thank you! Thank you very much Mr. Bates!
Luke: Who was that?
Emery: Mr. Duke, that was a bid for the FULL asking price for your farm from a Mr. M.E. Bates.
Bo: Who’s that?
Daisy: Who cares! It’s the full price and the farm won’t go to Boss!
Luke: I dunno. Sounds fishy to me.
Emery: Oh, and he wants to give y’all a deposit of (whispers to Uncle Jesse)

Uncle Jesse stares a moment and then sits down.

Emery: He said to tie you over until he can come to town with the rest of it.
Jesse: It’s a miracle. Oh thank you Lord for sending us a miracle.
Daisy: Amen!
Bo: Wow!
Luke: I’ll say. But I’d still like to know who this guy is and what he wants with our farm.
Emery: Well, he said he’ll be in town in two weeks to take a look at it and to meet you. Like I told your Uncle Jesse, he’s forwarding a deposit directly to your account to tie you over until then.
Jesse: It’s a miracle.
Emery: And the auction is closed!
Balladeer: Of course, ol’ Boss Hogg was none to happy to hear he’d been outbid.

Boss: ROSCO! When they were handin’ out brains…
Rosco: I must’ve been out to lunch…
Boss: You must’ve been out to lunch…
Rosco: And didn’t get any.
Boss: And didn’t get any!
Rosco: I tried to warn you…
Boss: DON’T TRY TO BLAME ME! Hold on now and let me think. Who is this Banks fella?
Rosco: I think it’s Bates. He’s some city slicker from the West coast I think.
Boss: He is? Well what would some city slicker want with the Duke farm?
Rosco: Beats me Boss, but he bought another farm too.
Boss: Oh he did? Which one?
Rosco: Oh the old Strate place. You know, the one ol’ man Strate sold you years back and Enos tried to buy back from you, but couldn’t afford your price.
Boss: Oh yeah. I sold that last year to that one fella…
Rosco: Avery.
Boss: (laughs) Yeah Avery. He paid me a good price for that before he found out it was condemned.
Rosco: Yeah, that was a good one.
Boss: So he done sold it did he?
Rosco: Yeah, that Bates fella bought it from him. I just hope he ain’t buying up the whole county.
Boss: He can’t do that. I OWN half this county and I ain’t gonna let no West coast city slicker outown me!

But nothing else was up for sale so ol’ Boss was at ease, until two weeks later when M.E. Bates arrived on the noon bus. Uncle Jesse went out to meet him with Bo and Luke, but Daisy was at work. Bates was a tall man with a full beard, moustache, and tinted glasses and he wore a brown business suit and carried a briefcase.

Jesse: Uh…Mr. Bates?
Bates: Yes, you must be Mr. Duke.
Jesse: Yes sir. And these are my nephews, Luke and Bo.
Luke: (shaking hands) Pleased to meet you sir.
Bates: Oh the pleasure is all mine, I assure you. Now down to business. I hope you realize that I have no intention of making you move out of your farm.
Jesse: Eh?
Luke: But it’s your farm.
Bates: In business yes. But as I understand, it’s been in your family for generations and I am a strong believer in family tradition.
Jesse: Oh, as are we.
Bates: Now I have bought other property here in Hazzard. However, it is badly in need of repair and being the busy man that I am, I haven’t the time to devote to home improvement, so if these two young men wouldn’t mind devoting a little time to helping me out…
Bo: You mean like…work for you?
Bates: Exactly. Only part time of course. I know farmers have to devote time to the fields and chores.
Jesse: You’ve dealt with farmers before I see.
Bates: Yes yes. Wouldn’t have a U.S.A. without you. Now in exchange for the labor of your two nephews, I can start the process of your family purchasing back your own land.
Jesse: Well Mr. Bates! You’re my kind of man! What do you think boys?
Bo: Well, what’s a little hard work to owning our farm again?
Luke: Bates, you got yourself a deal!
Bates: Wonderful! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to process some things for my other property. I’ll be showing it to you tomorrow.

Bates leaves and the Dukes look at each other.

Jesse: That certainly isn’t what I was expecting…but I ain’t gonna complain.
Bo: No sir. He sure was slick about that. Getting us a job so we can have our farm back.
Luke: Maybe I misjudged him. But I still have a nagging feeling…
Jesse: About what?
Luke: I dunno. It’s just that there’s something about that guy that seems…I dunno…different…but I can’t put my finger on it.
Bo: Well while you try to figure it out, I’m going to the Boar’s Nest to tell Daisy and have a beer!

Balladeer: Well, when Bo says he’s gonna have a beer, he’s gonna have a beer, and Luke always figures he might as well have one with him. Ain’t that what cousins are for?

Daisy: So he’s selling it back to us?
Bo: Yep.
Luke: In a way. He’s lettin’ us work for him as a way of buying it back. Of course I don’t see how working on this other farm for him is gonna pay off the whole farm.
Daisy: Well maybe it’ll work until it rains again and he’ll let Uncle Jesse take out a mortgage.
Bo: See Luke. This Bates guy ain’t all that bad.
Luke: Oh he’s a good guy I’m sure. There’s just something about him I can’t figure out.
Daisy: Like what? Hanging out with Cooter?

Bo and Luke turn around and see Bates walking in with Cooter.

Cooter: Yeah, I can get those fan belts for you tomorrow. Now the rest of it’ll take a bit longer.
Bates: Not to worry my good man. There’s plenty of time.
Luke: Hey Mr. Bates. Let us buy you a beer.
Bates: Oh I’m much obliged to you but…
Cooter: I’m already gettin’ him one. Two beers Daisy.
Daisy: Of course. The least I can do for the man who saved our farm.

She glances at Bates as she goes for the beers.

Bates: That must be your other cousin.
Bo: That’s Daisy.
Bates: A fine looking woman if I may say so.
Luke: You ain’t the only one who has.
Daisy: (coming back) here you go fellas…Mr. Bates.
Bates: Why thank you ma’am.
Daisy: Oh you can call me Daisy.
Bates: All right Daisy. You can call me Michael.
Bo: (to Luke) He didn’t tell us his first name.
Luke: (to Bo) We don’t look like Daisy either.
Bo: So you got a car too?
Bates: An old wreck that came with the other farm. I’d like to get it fixed up as I didn’t bring my other car with me.
Luke: What kind of car is it?
Cooter: An old blue runner like ol’ Jesse and Boss used to use back in the days of shine and roses.
Bates: Shine and roses?
Luke: Well, our Uncle Jesse used to run moonshine back in the old days along with Boss Hogg and a lot of other folks around here.
Bates: Oh yes. Old fashioned corn whiskey. So that car out there was used for that?
Cooter: Yep. I’m not sure who’s it was though.
Luke: Well, which farm is it that you bought?
Bates: Just a small piece of property I obtained from a Mr. Avery.
Bo: Avery? Well the only farm he had was the one ol’ Boss snookered him into buying a couple years ago. As far as I know he’s still sore about it.
Bates: Oh he told me about that and was quite happy to sell it. Of course, I paid him full price for it.
Luke: You did? But it was condemned.
Bates: It won’t be once I’m done fixing it up. I consider these sorts of things to be worthy investments.
Daisy: What kind of business do you do? Real estate?
Bates: Just on the side. You’d never guess but, I’m actually a lawyer.

The Dukes and Cooter stare at each other.

Bo: You’re right. I’d never guess.
Cooter: You’re the fairest durn lawyer I ever run into.
Bates: Well, the ones you read about give the rest of us a bad name. You’d be surprised how many fair and honest lawyers there are out there. But we really must be going.
Cooter: Yeah, I’ll give you a lift back to town. See y’all.
Dukes: See ya Cooter.
Daisy: Bye…Michael.
Bates: Good-bye Miss Daisy.

Cooter and Bates leave.

Bo: I never woulda guessed he’s a lawyer. Maybe that’s what it was Luke.
Luke: No…it’s not that.
Daisy: Well whatever it is, he sure is cute!

Bo and Luke glare at Daisy and then look at each other.

Luke: We never did figure out who’s farm it was he bought.
Bo: It was Avery’s.
Luke: But Avery bought it from Boss, who probably snookered it away from someone else.
Bo:Alright then, we just have to figure out who Boss got it from.
Luke: I guess we’ll find out anyway. He’s gonna show it to us tomorrow.
Bo: Yeah you’re right. This calls for another beer.

Balladeer: That’s Bo. Anything calls for another beer. Looks like Luke’ll have to be the one to drive him home.

Balladeer: The next morning, Cooter dropped Bates off at the Duke farm so he could show them the way to the other farm that he wanted them to work on.

Bo, Luke, and Bates are tearing up the back roads in the General Lee.

Bates: I must say, this is a FINE car!
Bo: Built him from the wheels up.
Bates: I hope my car can run this well once it’s fixed up.
Luke: With Cooter workin’ on it, it’ll run like a dream.
Bo: Yeah, we’ll have to have a race once it’s done. That is, if you’re up to driving.
Bates: Do I sense a challenge? Well, we’ll just have to see about that.
Luke: I dunno. You think you can handle these country roads?
Bates: You have no idea.

Bo and Luke look at each other.

Bates: The turnoff is right up here. Then take a left down that dirt road.
Bo: Man, it’s been a while since I’ve been out here.
Luke: It does seem familiar though.

They pull up to an old dilapidated farm house out in the middle of the woods. There’s only one field at the bottom of the hill. The rest of the land is covered with thick trees.

Bates: Here it is.
Bo: Well I’ll be.
Luke: This is the old Strate farm!
Bates: Strate farm?
Bo: Our buddy Enos. He grew up here.
Luke: And it wasn’t in much better condition then.
Bates: Well where’s your friend now?
Bo: Oh he ran off to California and joined up with the L.A.P.D.
Luke: Again.
Bates: Again?
Bo: Well, he did it once before and then came back but…
Luke: Well he was going to marry Daisy and it didn’t work out.
Bo: So he left again.
Bates: I see. So you don’t think he’ll mind if I fix the place up then?
Luke: Nah. Enos hated this place. Moved out as soon as he was old enough. Then his dad sold it to Boss and left town.
Bo: Good riddance too. Enos was a good guy, but his dad gave me the creeps.
Luke: He was a little creepy I admit, but he wasn’t as bad as Rufus.
Bo: That’s for sure.
Bates: I won’t ask. I’ll just leave you to do your work. I’ve got some other business.

Bo and Luke watch Bates walk away and get into a white caddie.

Bo: Now what business does he have with Boss?
Luke: I dunno, but I think he can give Boss a run for his money. Don’t you?
Bo: Oh I’m sure. I’ll bet Boss is still mad that he took our farm out from under him.

They laugh and go into the house to inspect what needs to be done.

Balladeer: Now any business with Boss Hogg isn’t done downtown, but in the back room of the Boar’s Nest. Of couse, it don’t look like Daisy minds to see ol’ Bates there.

Boss: That’s good Daisy. You can go now.
Daisy: Okay Boss. Mr. Bates. (winks and leaves)
Boss: A fine girl Daisy. Unfortunately, she comes from a very annoying family.
Bates: (watching Daisy leave) They seem all right to me.
Boss: Now back to business. I’ve got some fine land south of here…good land…and I can give you a fair price for it.
Bates: As I said before Mr. uh…
Boss: Hogg.
Bates: Mr. Hogg. I’ve bought enough land in this county. I don’t to appear as if I’m taking over.
Boss: Oh but nobody thinks that.
Bates: And I’d like to keep it that way. But there is something else you might be able to help me with.
Boss: Of course.
Bates: I would like to open a small law office here in Hazzard county.
Boss: We’ll that’d be just fine. I have fine offices to rent downtown.
Bates: Any in the courthouse itself?
Boss: Well uh…
Bates: I like to be close to the action Mr. Hogg. An office in the courthouse, or even the sheriff’s station would be ideal.
Boss: I suppose that can be arranged.
Bates: Wonderful! (shakes hands) Just have it ready in two days and I’ll have a deposit for you.
Boss: All right. Now how about I treat you to some refreshment in this fine establishment of mine?
Bates: I must say, I am parched.

They go into the bar and Daisy serves Boss a mint julep and Bates a beer. Rosco comes in and whispers something to Boss.

Boss: Sorry, but I have business to attend to.
Bates: Of course Mr. uh…
Boss: Hogg. Lets go Rosco.

Boss and Rosco leave.

Daisy: You don’t really forget his name do you?
Bates: I can’t fool you can I? I just do that whenever I deal with people I don’t entirely trust.
Daisy: You remember my name don’t you?
Bates: Miss Daisy Duke, it’d be awfully hard to forget a name attached to a face as lovely as yours.

Balladeer: He sure talks pretty don’t he?

Bo and Luke work on patching the old farmhouse together.

Luke: (hammering) Atlanta? Colonial City? Choctaw?
Bo: (sawing wood) What are you doing?
Luke: I’m trying to think of where I might have seen that Bates fella before.
Bo: Maybe we saw him while we were on the NASCAR curcuit.
Luke: I thought of that, but no. He would’ve recognized us.
Bo: Well what if he did and just doesn’t want to say so?
Luke: Hmmm. You do have a point.
Bo: He did buy our farm so maybe he does know us from somewhere.
Luke: But how? A distant relative? An old boyfriend of Daisy’s?
Bo: Daisy would’ve said something if he was an old beau.
Luke: Yeah, and Uncle Jesse keeps in touch with all relatives.
Bo: Dang it Luke, you got me wonderin’ now!

Daisy drives up in her Jeep with a picnic lunch for the boys.

Daisy: Hey fellas. You hungry?
Bo: Are we ever!
Luke: Bring out the lemonade!
Daisy: I invited Michael to come out, but he had business in town.
Bo: You’ve really taken to that fella haven’t you?
Daisy: He’s very polite and…I don’t know. There’s almost something…familiar about him.
Luke: There it is again! You have any idea what?
Daisy: What’s familiar? No idea. But he sure is cute.
Bo: Daisy, you’re a lot of help.
Daisy: Well if you don’t want these sandwiches then…
Luke: Oh but we are further than we were. I mean, he’s familiar to both me and you, so there must be some sort of connection.
Daisy: Oh Luke, you think too much.

The cousins laugh and eat lunch.

Bo: Hey Daisy. You realize what farm this is?
Daisy: (looking around) I don’t recognize it. Should I?
Luke: This is where Enos grew up.
Daisy: (wide eyed) It is? Really?
Bo: Yeah. You mean you’ve never been here?
Daisy: Well no. He was so shy back then and…I guess I never did know where he lived.
Luke: This is it. We’d come out here from time to time to see if he wanted to go fishing.
Bo: But we’d have to be sneaky enough to get around Rufus and sneak him out.
Daisy: Rufus…I’ll bet that’s why he never brought me here.
Luke: Probably. Remember that time Rufus was chasing us and Enos jumped on him so we could get away?
Bo: Yeah. Skinny little Enos hanging onto that big tub of lard. I’m surprised he lived after that.
Daisy: Is that what happened to him? I remember him coming to school and I thought he’d been hit by a cement truck. But he wouldn’t tell me what happened.
Luke: He didn’t want us to tell you either, but I suppose it’s out now. That bully of a brother of his beat the tar out of him.
Daisy: Oh poor Enos. Sometimes I forget how rough he had it growing up.
Luke: That’s why he’s built like a pine knot. After living in that house with Rufus, chasing us and wrecking cars every week was a piece of cake.
Daisy: Oh Enos…
Bo: Has he written you lately?
Daisy: Not for a while. His last letter mentioned he’d be doing a lot of official police business that he couldn’t discuss for a while so I shouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t hear from him.
Luke: Yeah, that’s Enos all right. We’d always have to shuck and jive him into revealing any “official police business.”
Bo: Or just into letting us out of jail. Remember when we hung him on the wall?

Balladeer: Meanwhile, another sort of meeting was going on at Cooter’s garage.

Cooter: So how’s it look?
Bates: Cooter, you are a genius.
Cooter: I know, I know.
Bates: Just don’t let it go to your head. When can you have it done?
Cooter: Tomorrow morning, you can drive it yourself.
Bates: I’m looking forward to it.
Cooter: Driving it? Or racing it?
Bates: You know me too well.
Cooter: I think I’m the only one who does. You’re driving Luke up the wall though. I think he suspects something.
Bates: He wouldn’t be Luke if he didn’t.
Cooter: So when are you gonna tell ’em?
Bates: Not for a while. The plan is just getting started.
Cooter: So you’re really gonna go through with it?
Bates: I have to. I have to know.
Cooter: But what if…?
Bates: At least I’ll know. I’ve waited long enough and it’s time I did something about it.
Cooter: <sighs> All right. But I sure hope you know what you’re doin’.
Bates: So do I.

Balladeer: Now in case you’re wonderin’ what’s going on…so am I. What do you suppose them two are up to?

The next day, Bo and Luke are driving along when an old blue runner pulls in behind them.

Luke: Right on time. Hit it.

The cars take off and fly along the main road.

Bo: Well he’s pretty fast here. Let’s see how he does cross country.

Bo leaves the road with Bates right behind him. They weave in and out of the woods and various dirt roads. After a short while, they pick up someone else.

Bates:Well howdy Sheriff.

Rosco: (into cb) All right now pull it over!
Bo: Come on Rosco. We haven’t figured out who’s winning yet.

Both cars speed up with Rosco behind them. He follows in hot pursuit.

Bo: Well lets see if he can do this.
Luke: Go for it.

The General makes a flying leap over the river. The boys slow down on the other side to watch the other car, which flies by next to them. Bates however, doesn’t slow down and gets ahead of them.

Bates: (into cb) Is this a race or what? Come on now!
Bo: (stepping on gas) Well I’ll be!

Rosco tries to jump the river, but winds up in the middle of it as usual. He climbs out and stands on top of his car as Flash swims to shore.

The General and the runner race neck and neck to the Boar’s Nest, where Daisy’s waiting. Both screech to a halt at the same time.

Daisy: Sorry fellas, but it looks like a tie!
Bo: (climbing out) Yeehaw fella, where’d you learn to drive like that?
Bates: From the best of course.
Luke: Who’s that?
Bates: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Daisy: (taking Bates by the arm) Come on in Michael. I’ll treat all of you to a beer seein’ as it was a tie.
Bates: Seems fair enough.

Rosco pulls up in a soaked patrol car.

Rosco: Ooooh I ain’t seen a race like that since that old Double Zero was in town. Who won?
Luke: It was a tie.
Rosco: Well, you’re gonna have a re-match ain’t ya?
Bo: I hope so.
Bates: We’ll have to see about that.
Rosco: Well in the meantime, I’m giving both of you tickets for speeding.
Bates: Naturally.

Bates and the Dukes take their tickets and then go in for beer. Cooter comes in later and they fill him in on the race.

Cooter: I hope ya’ll have a re-match, seein’ as I missed it. How’d the car do?
Bates: Works like a dream. You do good work. Which reminds me, how’s the house coming?
Luke: Nearly done with the outside. The inside’s another story.
Bates: Well I’ve been thinking of hiring someone with experience with intererior decorating to work on that. You boys know anyone?
Bo: Well, Miss Lulu does some of that on the side. She and Daisy were helping Miz Teasdale redo her living room last weekend.
Daisy: Why sure. I bet Lulu’d love to help out.
Bates: How delightful.

Balladeer: So once the boys were done with the outside. Daisy and Lulu got started on the inside.

At the farm, Bates is showing Daisy and Lulu the different rooms.

Bates: You have free reign over this front room, the kitchen, and the bathroom. These small rooms here can be guest rooms, so do what you like. If you don’t mind, try to keep the master bedroom um…
Lulu: Masculine?
Bates: If you please. Now this room here is not to be touched or unlocked. It will be my home office and I have private and confidential materials in here.
Daisy: Well, six out of seven ain’t bad.
Lulu: What about the attic?
Bates: Oh, I’ll probably just use that for storage so don’t worry about that.
Daisy: All right then.
Bates: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll leave you lovely ladies to your work.

Bates leaves and Daisy and Lulu look around.

Lulu: Oh my. A whole house at our fingertips. Where to start!
Daisy: Let’s go front to back. What would look good in here?

Balladeer: Friends and neighbors, leaving a whole house to the design of two ladies like Daisy and Lulu is like leaving a couple of two year olds in a candy store.

Bo and Luke are drinking beer at the Boar’s Nest.

Balladeer: Well, you can probably figure out that Bo and Luke went just about out of their minds when they found out about that secret room. And they weren’t the only ones.

Bo: What do you suppose is in there?
Luke: Something he don’t want other people to see.
Bo: Well?
Luke: Well what?
Bo: Well are we gonna try to figure out what’s in there or what?
Luke: Bo! That’s breaking an entering. We ain’t gonna stoop that low.
Bo: Don’t tell me we’re not gonna even try.
Luke: Oh we’ll find out what’s in there. All we have to do is let Rosco do it.
Bo: But how do we know Rosco’s gonna investigate.
Luke: His fat sister is working on the house ain’t she?
Bo: (grins) Ooooohhhh.

In the back room.

Boss: I’m tellin’ you Rosco, that Bates fella has somethin’ valuable in that locked room. It’s got Lulu all curious.
Rosco: Which has you curious.
Boss: Not just curious. I’m about to bust trying to figure out what he’s got in that room! Rosco, YOU are going to find out.
Rosco: I am?
Boss: You are. Or else…
Rosco: You’ll need a new door…
Boss: I’ll need a new door…
Rosco: After you kick my butt…
Boss: After I kick your butt…
Rosco: Through the one of your bank.
Boss: Through the one in my bank!
Rosco: Now, should I get a search warrant?
Boss: Oh no! We don’t want him to know we’re snooping! The fella’s a lawyer remember? Do it at night when no one’s there. He don’t live there yet as he’s still in a room at my hotel.

That night, Rosco sneaks over to the house and manages to get in through a window. He picks the lock of the secret room and looks around with a flashlight.

Rosco: Oooh oooh. Mmmmrrrgh.

The light falls on an old chest of drawers and a beat up desk. The chest has a mirror on it with pictures posted around it.

Rosco: Hmmmm. These are all pictures of Daisy. Well that’s not surprising. He moons over her almost as much as Enos did.

He moves to the desk, which has a lot of papers on it.

Rosco: Hmmm. This is the deed to this place…Deed to the Duke farm…ownership of that car…hmmmm.

He opens a drawer. It’s full of newspaper clippings.

Rosco: Oooh oohh! Look at that! These are all from the L.A. Times! That must be where he comes from. Hmmm.

Most of the clippings are about police cases.

Rosco: Well look at that! This one talks about Enos. What about this one? This one has Enos in it too. How ’bout that? Uh oh. What’s that? I better git.

Rosco stumbles through the house, locks the room, and escapes through the window. He jumps in his patrol car and drives off just as Cooter and Bates drive up.

Cooter: You called it.
Bates: I knew he couldn’t stay away.
Cooter: You think he’ll figure it out?
Bates: I doubt it, but Boss might. And if I know Bo and Luke, they’ll shuck and jive Rosco into telling them what he found too.
Cooter: And they’ll figure it out for sure.
Bates: Maybe. They’ll at least see the connection.
Cooter: So why’d you leave it like that?
Bates: Just to leave a few clues. Besides, if they know, then I have to go through with the last phase.
Cooter: You’re not going to back out are ya?
Bates: I’m afraid I will, so it helps to have extra motivation. I have to do it before everyone finds out who I am and why I’m here.

Balladeer: Well they sure got me wonderin’.

Balladeer: Well, naturally, Rosco reported what he found to Boss, (shot of Rosco and Boss in the back room of the Boar’s Nest) and were overheard by Bo and Luke (outside the door listening in).

Boss: Rosco, are you telling me that all that fella has in his office is pictures of Daisy Duke and a bunch of newspaper clippings?
Rosco: Well that’s all I found Boss, besides the deeds to that farm and the Duke farm.
Boss: Oh but we already knew about those! What was in those clippings.
Rosco: Oh just a bunch of police stories from the L.A. Times. I think that must be where he’s from.
Boss: L.A. huh? Maybe he worked alongside the police there. What were they about?
Rosco: Oh I don’t know. I just got to look at a couple of them before I heard something and got out.

Bo:<sarcastic> Well that’s helpful.
Luke: The L.A. Times…pictures of Daisy…police stories…it all fits.
Bo: What does?
Luke: Remember what Rosco said about where those pictures were?
Bo: Yeah. Around a mirror. Why?
Luke: Who used to live in that house? Who’s currently on the L.A. police force?
Bo: And who would have pictures of Daisy around a mirror! You don’t think…?
Luke: It’s gotta be. But why wouldn’t Bates tell us that he knows Enos?
Bo: Search me. Maybe Enos didn’t want him to.
Luke: Oh my gosh! THAT’S WHY!
Bo: Sure. What?
Luke: Come on! We gotta find Cooter!

Balladeer: While Bo and Luke were hustling back over to Cooter’s to tell them what they know, Daisy was just showing Bates what she’s been doing in the house.

Bates: I must say, you are doing a FINE job.
Daisy: Well, Lulu’s done most of it.
Bates: Don’t be so modest Daisy. Mrs. Hogg let me know how much your imput has helped.
Daisy: Well you can move in real soon now.
Bates: I suppose. But that all depends…
Daisy: On what?
Bates: On you.
Daisy: Me?
Bates: Miss Duke, I haven’t been hiding the fact that…I’m very attracted to you.
Daisy: Oh Michael.
Bates: I guess what I mean to say is…with a house this size…it’d be a shame to live here alone.

Bates gets down on one knee as Daisy gasps. He pulls out a large diamond ring.

Bates: Miss Duke, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?
Daisy: Oh my!

Daisy gazes at the ring and then at Bates. She’s about to give an answer when she decides to gaze around at the house.

Daisy: Oh Michael…You are a charming man…but I…I can’t.

Bates draws back the ring and looks at her.

Daisy: It’s not you…it’s just that…there’s someone else…someone who’s been waiting for an awful long time and…well it’d just break his heart if I married someone else.
Bates: (slowly) It’s alright Daisy…I understand.

Bates gets up and touches her arm.

Bates: Do you love him Daisy?
Daisy: (shrugging) I don’t know…I mean…I’ve dated plenty of other guys before…even when he was right there…and I knew it hurt him when I did that…but he never gave up…he never stopped loving me…but I’ve never been able to tell if I really loved him back…but I can’t get married…I couldn’t do that to him…I’ve hurt him too much already and I couldn’t bear to do it again.
Bates: Look at me Daisy. You’ll sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of this man who loves you?
Daisy: I have to…he’s been so faithful…
Bates: Then you’ve just answered your own question.

Daisy looks up at him.

Daisy: I…I do love him.

Bates nods.

Bates: I think now would be a good time to tell him that.

Daisy smiles and then looks down.

Daisy: But how can I? He’s so far away and I haven’t heard from him in so long…
Bates: (lifting her chin) Have you?

Daisy looks in his eyes and gasps.

Bo and Luke pull up to Cooter’s Garage.

Luke: Cooter Davenport!
Cooter: What’s up ya’ll?
Bo: I wish I knew. I think Luke just figured out who that Bates guy is.
Cooter: (grins) Oh that. Yeah I thought you might.
Luke: You were in on it this whole time!
Bo: In on what?
Cooter: Well someone had to tell him ya’ll were in trouble.
Luke: But why all the secrecy?
Cooter: Well, he needed to do something else…
Luke: It’s Daisy isn’t it?
Cooter: You got it. And if I’m not mistaken, the last phase should be taking place about now.
Bo: Phase of what?
Luke: Do you think she’ll pass?
Cooter: I sure hope so. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
Luke: Let’s go.
Bo: Go where?
Luke: To the Strate farm! Where else?

Cooter jumps in the General with them and they take off. Back at the Strate farm…

Daisy: But why didn’t you tell me?
Bates: I’m sorry Daisy…but I had to test you…I had to know if you really loved me or not.
Daisy: Oh Enos!
Balladeer: Yeah, you heard right. Don’t he look funny with a beard?
Bates: Can you forgive me Daisy?
Daisy: Of course I can. After all I’ve done to you…Oh Enos…
Bates: Oh Daisy…

The General pulls up outside and Bo, Luke, and Cooter jump out and look in the window.

Luke: Looks like she passed.
Cooter: I’d say so.
Bo: Would ya’ll mind telling me what’s going on?

Daisy: I think we have company.
Bates: I thought we would. Come on in guys!
Luke: Enos Strate! I knew there was something familiar about you!
Bates: Took you long enough.
Bo: That’s…ENOS!?
Bates: Hey Bo.
Bo: (taking a closer look) Well I’ll be danged. It IS!
Luke: But where’d you get all that money?
Bates: Well I make a little bit more in L.A. than I did here. Besides the fact that I inherited my dad’s moonshine money last year, seeing as my brother got himself 10 years.
Luke: Doesn’t surprise me.
Bo: But you drank beer!
Luke: If you’da been paying attention, you’da noticed he never did drink it. Just ordered it.
Bates: That was to throw you off.
Bo: Sure fooled me.
Daisy: But Enos…you also…lied.
Bates: Not really. See, Michael Enos Bates is the name I use when I go undercover…as a lawyer.
Luke: It all fits.
Cooter: Hey, you think ol’ Boss and Rosco figured it out yet?
Bates: Probably not.
Luke: You gonna tell ’em?
Bates: What they don’t know won’t hurt ’em.

Balladeer: Well Boss and Rosco never did figure it out, not even when ol’ Bates disappeared and Enos showed up, without a beard.

Rosco: So that Bates fella was a friend of yours?
Enos: You could say that.
Rosco: You do realize he was flirtin’ with Daisy don’t ya?
Enos: Who wouldn’t?
Rosco: Oooh. You got a point there.
Enos: But it’s okay now. He got the house all fixed up, my car running, and my own office.
Rosco: You mean he was doing all that for you?
Enos: Well you never did let me have my own office would ya?
Rosco: I didn’t know you wanted one.
Enos: That’s okay Sheriff. I haven’t needed one until I got liscensed as a detective.
Rosco: That’s right. Well, welcome back to Hazzard, Detective Strate.
Enos: Thanks Sheriff.
Rosco: You dipstick.
Enos: Some things never change.
Rosco: You can start right away can’t ya?
Enos: Oh not for a couple of weeks.
Rosco: Why not?
Enos: (hands him an envelope) I’ve got some personal matters to attend to.

Enos walks off and Rosco opens the letter.

Rosco: You are invited to witness the union of…Enos and Daisy! Well it’s about time!

Balladeer: I agree. Enos and Daisy got married the next day at the Boar’s Nest.

Boss: Do you, Miss Daisy Duke, take this man, Deputy Enos Strate, as your lawful wedded husband?
Daisy: I do.
Boss: And do you, Deputy Enos Strate, take this woman, Miss Daisy Duke, as you lawful wedded wife…God help us all.
Enos: I surely do!
Boss: Then by the power vested in me by the state of Georgia, I pronounce you man and wife!
Enos and Daisy kiss.
Rosco: He didn’t say you could kiss her yet you dipstick!
Jesse: Lay off Rosco. Can’t you see the man’s busy?
Luke: Yeah, he’s got a new superior officer now.
Rosco: Oooh. He does don’t he?

Enos and Daisy leave the Boar’s Nest and drive off in Daisy’s Jeep, which has been decorated with soap and beer cans.

Daisy: I love you Mr. Enos Strate.
Enos: I love you Mrs. Daisy Duke Strate.
Daisy: You ain’t gonna have your old reputation much longer. Luke won’t be asking you that silly question any more.
Enos: I’m trying not to think about it Daisy. I might break out in the hives again.
Daisy: (giggles) Oh Enos.

Balladeer: And that’s the story of how, at long last, Enos and Daisy finally got hitched. With Enos in the family, the Duke farm was also safe. Ain’t it nice how these things work out?

Close up of the sign on the back of the Jeep.

There’s gonna be some change now old buddy!
Bo and Luke