by: MacSas

“Luke, I need to know”

Luke shook his head and walked a few steps away.

No, this was not something he wanted to get into. There was no way he was going to have this discussion in the middle of nowhere. No way he was going to tear his heart out and throw it on the ground so the woman he’d loved forever could see how cold and black it truly was.

No, no, no, no.

“No” he finally said out loud. “No, I can’t do it Shawna. I just … no”

Shawna watched him pace in front of the willow tree, amazed at the change in his demeanour. He was waging a war within himself, lost in a time and place that he had fought daily to never recall again. She could see the pain etched on his handsome features, the frustration in his clenched fists. His eyes no longer saw her or the creek in front of them. She was sure that all he saw now was the bloodshed, horror, torture and endless pain that haunted his past.

She should never have pushed him, she thought. How could she do this to him? It was like poking at a wounded animal, making it run into a corner. And she knew what happened when animals got cornered. They fought.

But she needed to know.

Reaching her hand out to him, she whispered his name. “Luke”

Within a heartbeat, Luke had taken her arm and tossed her to the ground.

“Get down” he whispered, his wild eyes looking left to right.

Shawna tried to wiggle out of grasp, but he lay across her, solid in weight, grinding her frame into the ground.

“Luke” she urged, “get up off me!”

He covered her mouth, his own mouth close to her ear. “Sshh” he ordered. “Do you hear that?”

Shawna, face down on the ground, looked up. “Hear what?”

Luke moved quickly, crawling across to the willow tree in typical Marine training. With an almost death like grip on Shawna’s wrist, he dragged her behind him, harshly reminding her to stay down.

Shawna started to worry. Luke’s eyes were wild; he was looking for something that she believed wasn’t there. No one else was in the meadow but them. Except for the running of the stream and the occasional bird, there wasn’t a sound. Luke was so greatly trained, she could only guess what he was seeing or hearing, but it must have been something for him to act like this.

And so they hid behind the tree, while Luke watched the area with the alertness of a hawk. He leaned to one side of the tree’s massive trunk, and looked out to the clearing.

“See them?” he whispered.

Shawna frowned.

“See who?”

“Them. They’re going to kill us if they catch us. We must stay down and we’ll be safe”

He looked behind him. “Where’s that Huey?”

As he became more agitated, Shawna realised the terrifying truth. Luke wouldn’t tell her about Kane, but it appeared he was showing her. He was caught in a full-blown flashback. And she had no idea what to do …

She decided it might be best to simply act out the scene with him.

“Sergeant” she whispered.

He looked at her with blank eyes. “What?”

“I see the Huey,” she pointed lamely to the battered pick up, hoping her idea would work.

“Right” Luke said, getting to his knees. “We’re going to have to play this cool and quick. Got the radio?”

His question took her off guard, and she faltered.

“Damn it, Marine” he exploded in a hushed tone. “How do you expect to get out of here if you can’t even do the one job you’ve been assigned? Didn’t Carter give you the radio?”

Before she could reply, he continued his rant, his hand painfully squeezing her arm, his face close to hers as he spoke. “If you mess up on this mission it will be on your fault they got away. If anyone behind you dies, their blood will be on your hands. And all because you couldn’t do the one thing you were asked – carry the damn radio! How do you think we’re going to get hold of that Huey? Smoke signals?”

As Luke turned away, muttering about useless newbies, Shawna stood in shock. Tears streamed down her face as she watched the proud warrior stuck in his memories. She wanted to take him in her arms and soothe his pain until they both forgot the past had ever existed. But she knew the past was something they both had to face, or it would haunt them forever.

“Luke” she whispered.

“That’s Sergeant to you, you idiot. How on earth could you forget a radio? For crying out loud! How did you get out of boot camp in one piece?”

Shawna was crying in earnest now, watching Luke fall apart in front of her very eyes.

“Are you crying? Crying? There’s no crying in the Marines!” Luke looked at her with such disgust she cringed. He put his hands on his hips and looked over the meadow. “They’re out there,” he whispered. “They don’t know I know that, but I do. I’ve seen them. I know what they do to you if they catch you alive”

He looked at Shawna. “If you ever get caught by them, do yourself and your loved ones a favour. Shoot yourself”

Shawna’s mouth dropped open. Was that what Kane had done? No, she thought. He wouldn’t have done that; Luke wouldn’t have either.

“Luke” she whispered again, reaching out to him. “You’re scaring me”

He looked down at her hand on his arm with disdain. Flicking it aside, he told her coldly, “Get used to it”

Shawna changed tactics. She took up her role again. “Sir, I can fly that Huey,” she said, motioning again to the truck.

“Now you’re thinking. Too bad it took you so long to decide to do so. You crawl over to the pilot side; get it started up. We’ll give you the cover you’ll need. Wait until I tell you to fly off though; we don’t want any more mistakes”

Shawna nodded, having no idea what he was talking about, but figuring as long as she made it to the truck she would be ‘following orders’ She did her best attempt at the crawl she had seen Luke do earlier, and approached the drivers side of the truck. She looked over at Luke; still beside the tree, still watching the meadow, still lost in the past. Her heart broke for him. How many people had seen him like this? None, she’d bet.

He crawled to the passenger side of the truck, got in and instructed her to take off. She reversed out the way they had come and turned back onto the road.

Finally Luke smiled. “Good work, Marine!” he said, patting her hard on the shoulder.

A few minutes later he was asleep!

Shawna was shaking all over, tears streaming down her face. When it became impossible to see the road through her tears, or hold the wheel steady through shaking, she pulled to the side of the road. Putting her forehead to the wheel she gave in to the need to sob her heart out. For Luke. For Kane. For herself. And mostly for all those who had come home from the war but had never been able to leave it behind.

After nearly thirty minutes, she lifted her head and leaned over to grab a tissue from her handbag. It was then that she saw Luke was awake and watching her.

Not again, she thought.

“Sorry Sir,” she started.

“Forget it” Luke replied softly, an apology in his eyes. “I had a flashback, didn’t I?”

“Yes” she noted simply.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No”

He frowned at that. “You’re sure?”

“Yes”

“I’m sorry you saw that. It doesn’t usually happen around folks”

“Which is why you’ve managed to keep it a secret?” she guessed. She shook her head and turned to face him fully. “Luke” she implored, “you should have someone help you with this. What happens if you have one of these flashbacks and you end up doing something you can’t recall”

“Already happened,” he said with a ghost of a smile. “Woke up in a neighbours dog kennel with a hunting knife between my teeth. Still don’t know how I got there or what I’d been doing before I woke up”

Shawna gaped at him. “Luke …”

“Please” Luke stopped her. “Don’t say anything. Let’s just get back to the farm, have coffee and dinner and go from there”

“Okay” she finally agreed.

“”I’ll drive” Luke suggested, noting her still pale face and the slight tremor in her hands.

“Good idea” she smiled.

A little while later, Luke turned off the road they’d been travelling and started the truck down a sloping hillside.

“Even the hills make pretty scenery” Shawna joked.

“Yeah. Most day’s old man Kramer has his cattle wandering all over this area. They usually feed down the bottom there”

Noting how steep the incline was that he was pointing to, Shawna said “Maybe you should slow down then. The last thing we need now is hit a cow”

Luke laughed as he eased on the brake pedal. “Jesse’s truck wouldn’t stand up to the collision”

As Shawna shared his laughter, she noticed his frown as he pumped the brake pedal.

“Luke, what’s wrong?”

“Okay, don’t panic but, um, we have no brakes”

“No brakes!” she practically screamed at him.

“Don’t panic,” he reminded her.

“Why would I panic?” she asked. “We’re only hurtling down a hillside in a tin can with no brakes! What’s to worry about?”