By: Brenna “Snakelady” Dawkins
Ratings: R
Daisy took one final appraisal in the mirror before she stepped out the door. She wore a white halter top with lace at the hem that was cropped short to show off her belly and a blue denim skirt that left little to the imagination. Top that off with her best cowboy boots and her hair done up and fastened loosely on the top of her head, she felt she was almost ready.
Her cousins hadn’t liked the idea of her being auctioned off to just anybody who had the lucky ticket, even if the proceeds did go to help raise money for Hazzard’s annual Children’s Fair. Daisy appreciated their concern, but she also grew tired of their over protectiveness at the same time. She was a big girl now and could handle herself if she got into trouble. They just didn’t seem to realize that most of the time.
There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Daisy?”
“Yes, Bo?” She stopped messing with her hair for a moment, feeling tense, waiting for him to go at it again.
“Daisy, will ya please listen to reason?”
“I will soon as I hear some, Bo.” She continued to work her hair, her pretty face slanting with a frown. “I ain’t changin’ my mind, none, so you can just go on and leave me to it, Bo!”
“But, Daisy! You know guys are interested in jus’ one thing, an’ it ain’t yer mind!”
“I know that, Bo, I’ve watched you and Luke enough, haven’t I?” Daisy threw the barb out, hoping that Bo would see how hypocritical he was being.
“That ain’t fair, Daisy. We’s jus’ lookin’ out fer your welfare.”
“I know, Bo. The effort’s appreciated an’ all, but neither needed nor wanted. I can take care of myself!”
“Now listen here, Daisy-“
”BO! You leave her alone now! She’s old enough to make her own decisions!”
Daisy smiled at the sound of Uncle Jesse’s voice raised in her defense.
“But, Uncle Jesse!!”
”No buts! Get away from that there door, now ‘affore I gotta take a switch to ya!”
”Yes’sir.” Came Bo’s meek response and she heard her cousin depart.
Uncle Jesse had set them straight on the matter, much to her relief. They’d gone ahead to the Boar’s Nest where the date lotto would take place.
She smiled when she’d found out all one hundred tickets sold. Three other girls were taking part and one had been a runner up for Miss Hazzard County Beauty Pageant and was a good friend of hers. She took one more turn in front of the mirror and was satisfied. She got into Dixie and drove off to the Boar’s Nest, excited to see just who would be the lucky fellow that would win her ticket.
The lot was full when she got there and she had to find a place to squeeze her Jeep in. When she entered, every table and chair and stool was taken, not that she’d be sitting much. The stage at the far end was decorated by the local Rotary club and as she filed through the crowd and bumped into Cooter.
”Heya, Daisy!” He held up his ticket. “Tonight is my lucky night!”
Daisy grinned at her scruffy friends impish smile. “Good luck, Sugah, I’ll be rootin’ fer ya!”
Cooter nodded and Daisy went and knocked on Boss’s office door.
“Boss, it’s Daisy.”
“Come in, come in!” She heard from the other side of the door.
She did and found the other girls there standing and waiting around dressed similarly as she was. Boss was looking very pleased with himself and chuckling. She knew he was thinking of the two dollar surcharge for every person and a two drink minimum. Money was the only thing that could get Boss that happy.
“Daisy, right on time! Now… you girls know the drill, get up there an’ look pretty, tho’ I don’ think that’d be much of a challenge fer ya’ll.”
The girls laughed and Daisy smiled, always uncertain of Bosses flattery.
“Now, it’s time to get this show on th’ road! Come on, my darlin’s, there’s a hundred men out there waitin’ just fer you!” Boss ushered the girls outside to which they were greeted by appreciative hoots and hollers.
One by one they strutted up to the stage and waved and blew kisses at the audience who fed off the attention. Once they were on the stage, the girls stood in a suggestive pose which seemed to make all the male IQ’s in the place drop several points. Boss Hogg pondered up the stairs onto the stage with Rosco in tow, since Boss knew Enos would have a heart attack surrounded by such beautiful women. Of course, a quick glance at Rosco told him his sheriff was close to palpitations.
Rosco gave a shy wave at the lovely ladies, hunching his shoulders, eyes squinting, and his trademark dopey grin on his face. He flushed when Daisy wiggled her fingers back at him in a tiny wave.
“Rosco! Just hold the dang shoebox with the tickets in it, will ya!” Boss Hogg growled at his brother in law temperamentally.
Embarrassed at being chastised in front of his town, Rosco stared at the box he was holding. ‘Why does Boss have to do that to me’, he thought glumly. ‘It ain’t no wonder ah don’t get no respect here.’
Meanwhile, Bo and Luke were casing the crowd, not liking the amount of unsavory characters they saw. But luckily most in there were their friends and they had a sense that none of them would try anything with Daisy. They each got themselves a ticket, however, having eyes for the other three prizes, and if they happened to get Daisy, then all the better… she was out of harms way then.
“See if ya can keep the winner of Daisy here as long as ya can, Bo.” Luke said, his eyes still casting about the crowd unhappily. “We need to find out as much about him as possible.”
“An’ if we don’ like what we find out?” Bo inquired as he too scoped out the milling and anxious group of males.
“Fists tend to speak louder then words.” Luke said.
Bo nodded. “Gotcha, Cuz. Ain’t no one gonna manhandle our Daisy… or at least, we’ll make ‘em think twice about thinkin’ bout it once.”
“Got that right.”
“Okay, folks! Everyone got their numbas? ‘Kay, now for the rules. I’ll call out four numbas, now, an’ if no one claims their prize, then I’ll call anutha until someone claims their prize. An’ once I do call out your winnin’ numba’, I want ya’ll to line up in order ya’ll’er called over by the bar there an’ wait. Then ya’ll’ll be awarded ya’ll’s reward.”
“An’ no naughty business, neither!” Rosco piped up. “Ya’ll push yer luck with these here girls an’ ah’ll cuff ya an’ stuff ya!”
“Um, yes, well,” Boss rolled his eyes, “Now, this here first numba will be for the chance to spend a lovely evening with this lovely young thang hea’, Miss Candy Sue.”
The red head took a few steps forward and did a small courtesy that was followed by more hoots and whistles of appreciation. Candy Sue took her place back in the line and waited as Boss Hogg’s hand dove into the shoebox Rosco was holding.
“Numba 54! You sober enough to claim your prize?” Boss chuckled.
There was a loud whoop and a very eager youth scrambled to wait beside the bar as was instructed.
“This hea’ is Stacey May… oh my!” Boss watched as she did an impressive ballet maneuver that lifted her leg so that it was behind her head, as her form of courtesy, then she went back to her place in line. He chuckled, “Limber lil’ thang, ain’t she? Don’ hurt yer lucky feller none!”
This got a round of ruckus laughter from the crowd.
“Numba 12! Yes… very lucky man, indeed!”
Number 12 lined up behind 54, both were grinning and exchanging boisterous words of just how they’d spoil their girls for any other man.
“This hea’ is Mindy! Careful, boys, she be lookin’ to get into th’ pro wrestlin’ circuit!” He dug his fat hand into the box and pulled out a number.
“Numba 81!”
Another whoop, and another young man stood in line, holding his ticket like it was gold or better then.
“Alright! Last up hea’ is Daisy Duke, so if you fella’s like trouble, then I guess ya’ll’ll like her.”
“Luke! Can you believe him!” Bo growled indignantly.
“Simmer down, Bo.” Luke said stoically.
Both Duke boys intently watched the stage as Boss dug out the last ticket.
“Numba 69!” Boss called out.
“Oo! Jitjit! Ah think that’s mah number!”
“What!” Boss stormed as he turned to his sheriff. “Let me see that ticket of yours!”
Boss Hogg snatched Rosco’s ticket and looked. “You Pea Brain! Who said you could enter in the first place!”
Rosco looked sheepish, “Well, it were fer charity an’ all…”
“I don’ care! You ain’t th’ winna hea’! I misread the ticket iss’all!” Boss growled.
“C’mon, Boss, that ain’t fair, none.” Rosco tried to get his ticket back from the commissioner.
“Since when’ve I been innerested in fair, you Numbscull!” Boss cleared his throat and held Rosco’s ticket behind himself, opposite side of where the sheriff was standing. “I meant to say numba 96!”
There was a whoop from the crowd but Daisy snuck silently up behind Boss and snatched the ticket from his hand.
”Boss, I’m ashamed of you!” She clucked her tongue and read the tickets. “It clearly says 69!”
“He called out 96! That’s me!” Cried out a man from the crowd indignantly.
Daisy brushed in between Rosco and Boss, holding the winning ticket. “I’m sorry, but rules are rules. The winner of the first ticket is here and has claimed his prize. Rosco, you’d better getcherself over to the bar with the other winners. Here’s your ticket back!” She winked at him as she handed the astonished sheriff his ticket.
“Khee, yeah, ah think ah will!” He took the ticket and scrambled over to the line of waiting winners.
Boss did not look happy.
“Leave it to a Duke…” Boss began but didn’t finish. “Fine then. They’ll be a floor show fer th’ rest of ya’ll, so’s jus’ sit tight an’ I’ll be right back!”
Boss stepped down from the stage and was followed by the girls. His eyes swept across the line of winners and he glared daggers at Rosco who suddenly discovered some dirt under his nails that needed serious attention.
“Okay, boys. There be further rules hea’. What the sheriff said earlier, goes. Ya’ll can give these hea’ gals a good time, but iff’n any one o’ ya’ll get outta line, I’ve instructed the girls hea’ to lemme know. Minimum amount of jail time is a week, an’ dependin’ on the severity… I could grant more. Ya’ll got that?”
Everyone nodded sagely, including Rosco, who wondered if the same punishment applied to him, not that he’d ever try to hurt Daisy.
“Now, have fun!”
Meanwhile, Bo and Luke were trying to figure if Rosco winning Daisy was a good or bad thing. At least they knew him, which was their only consolation.
”Dunno ‘bout this Luke. I knew this was a bad idea.” Bo sipped at his beer. “I’m more worried about Rosco throwin’ Daisy in jail then I am about him touchin’ her.” He glanced over to see how Daisy was greeting her date. Rosco offered her his arm and she took it with a smile. “I gotta bad feelin’ ‘bout this, Luke.”
“You ‘n me both, Bo.” Luke took a moment longer to stare at them. Rosco sure looked happy, despite the fact that he was arm and arm with a Duke. Then he scanned the crowd again and wished once more he hadn’t lost site of the agitated number 96.