by: Vinsmouse
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Dukes of Hazzard, not making any money, just cheap thrills.
Warnings: Violence towards a beloved character.
Rating: FRC
Summary: An innocent bystander is the victim of a viscious attack when somebody seeks revenge. An answer to the Appomattox Challenge.
email: vinsmouse.1@juno.com
The first hint I had that anything was wrong, was a searing pain down my side. As usual I was parked outside the Boar’s Nest, while the boys were inside having fun with a couple of sweet young things. Oh pardon me, I’m usually not this rude, but the viciousness of the attack really rattled me. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is General Lee, or as many refer to me; The General Lee. I’m a 1969 Dodge Charger, partner in adventure with the Duke boys, Bo and Luke. And until recently I was a thing of beauty, but that was before the completely unprovoked attack on my person.
It all started when Bo decided to ask Miss Pamela Rogers out on a date. She’s a pretty thing, tall and leggy with long blonde hair, just the way Bo likes them. They went out on a couple of dates and things went very well between them. Especially when Bo drove us up to kissing cliff and he and Pamela climbed into my back seat…. Excuse me while I just wipe the fog from my windows, there that’s better, now where was I? Oh yes, well Bo and Pamela had a lot of fun together, but Bo never has had a long attention span. A fact the ladies of Hazzard are well aware of, so I don’t know why Pamela thought things with her were any different. However apparently she did, judging by the vile things she was saying last night at the Boar’s Nest.
I heard her walking around on the gravel of the parking lot, or maybe stomping would be a better word for it. Anyway, there she was stomping around the lot, ranting about cheating men and bimbos. I would tell you the things she said but I was taught not to use that kind of language. I heard her say something about teaching that no good Bo Duke a lesson and then the pain began. As I said earlier the first hint I had that something was truly wrong was a searing pain in my side. I found out later that she had drug her key down my side, leaving a deep, ugly scratch in my paint. While I was still reeling from that unexpected pain, Pamela climbed in through my window and began to cut into the driver’s seat. Using the only defense I could, I managed to flip the seat forward, hoping to knock her against the horn to alert Bo and Luke to the attack. Unfortunately Pamela moved faster than I anticipated and twisted to the side, avoiding the horn. It must’ve made her even angrier, because suddenly she shoved the seat back and using the weight of her body kept it in place while she continued her attack. When she climbed back out the window, I gave a sigh of relief, thanking Dodge that she was finished.
It turns out I was a little too quick with my thanks. I saw her coming towards me with another weapon and that was when I remembered that she played softball. I prayed that Bo or Luke would come outside, heck even that numbskull Rosco would’ve been better than nothing. He might not like the boys any but I don’t think he would’ve let the attack continue, especially against an innocent bystander such as myself. My prayers went unanswered though and as pain erupted, I heard the breaking of glass and my world went dark. If I’d been afraid before, now it was even worse, as I couldn’t see anything at all. Standing there in my parking spot, I would’ve trembled if I could’ve, as I wondered what she would do to me next. I could hear her walking around me, her thoughts as she studied me nearly a physical thing. Her steps suddenly moved towards my rear end and I dared to hope she was leaving. Of course she wasn’t through with me yet and without any warning I felt something sharp enter my rear driver’s tire. I could feel nothing but pain as she dragged the object through the skin of my tire, leaving a gaping slash allowing all of the air to escape. Quickly she proceeded to treat the other three tires in a similar fashion, luckily by this time I was numb from the pain, so I felt nothing. “There, bet he thinks twice before he cheats again,” I heard her mutter in satisfaction.
I don’t know how long I sat there after the attack ended. Time doesn’t really have much meaning to my kind, but I know you humans place some importance on it. All I can tell you is that after some time, I heard the door of the Boar’s Nest opening. The next thing I heard was Bo calling my name, his voice filled with pain and devastation as he saw what had been done to me. “Sweetheart would you do me a favor and go get Luke?” I heard him ask his date. “Oh General, who did this to you?” he asked and believe me I wish I could’ve told him.
“Bo what happened?” Luke called as he joined us. “Who did this?” he demanded of Bo.
“I don’t know Luke, I came outside and he was sitting here like this,” Bo told him.
Luke’s next words answered my question about why she was ripping my seat. “Um Bo, what did you do to Pamela?”
“Pamela? I didn’t do anything to her Luke, we had a good time, why?”
“Well she didn’t agree with ya I guess.”
“You think she did this? No way Luke, why would she do this to the General?” Bo asked.
“You’ll have to ask her that, but she left her signature,” Luke told him, fingering the rips in my seat.
“She carved her name in his seat? Awww General I’m sorry,” Bo softly said, running his hand along the edge of my roof.
“It ain’t your fault Bo,” Luke told him and silently I seconded his words. “Look Bo why don’t you go inside and get Cooter, we’ll have him tow the General to the garage. We’ll get him fixed up first and then we can worry about why.”
“Okay Luke,” Bo softly answered him. Suddenly I felt a weight on my roof, it took me a moment to realize it was Bo laying his head and shoulders on the roof. “I’m so sorry she did this to you General, but don’t you worry I ain’t gonna let her hurt you again,” he apologized, his voice strangely thick.
“He knows you won’t let him be hurt again Bo, I’m sure he doesn’t blame ya none,” Luke assured him.
I didn’t hear anything else from Bo after that. I guess he must’ve gone inside because the next thing I knew Cooter had joined the boys. He spent a few minutes tsking over my condition and then he got busy hooking me up to his tow truck. So now here I sit in Cooter’s garage, waiting for him and the boys to fix me up. That’s the end of my part in this sad tale. All I can add is, I hope Bo will learn to be a little more selective of who he dates after this.
The End.
A/N: Ever since I heard the song Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood I’ve wanted to write a story about it. I could so easily picture some girl who took things more seriously than one of the boy’s intended doing those things to the General. The Appomattox challenge was a good excuse and then I started wondering how the poor car must’ve felt. Just sitting there, minding his own business and then suddenly he falls victim to a horrible attack! Hope y’all liked it, please review and let me know what ya thought.