By: Susan
A continuing series of short fics about a Hollywood film being made in Hazzard. Mostly with a humorous twist. (Rated G)
Film Hazards – Or “The Hazards of Filming in Hazzard County”
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Author Archives: DOHFF
Them Duke Girls!
by: Susan
The girls is Bodine (Mostly called Bo) and Lucy. Bo’s the slim blonde one. A few years younger, but a little taller than her cousin. She’s got long legs that go all the way up, and a figure like one o’ them big city fashion models.
Lucy’s just a couple inches shorter, and darker. A brunette, with a whole lotta curves. She’s a little stockier than her cousin, but it aint none of it fat. It’s just Lucy!
Now either of ’em, alone, could stop traffic, on a major highway, at rush hour; but when you put ’em together, like they mostly are, well, boy howdy, have you got yourself a sight!
This one time they lost a bet to ol’ Cooter, and went jogging around the town square, in them shorts and tops they wear for waitressin’ at the Boar’s Nest? Well, Cooter nearly had him more work than he could handle, what with all the men – And not a few women, too – stopping to stare; and running into things, ‘cos they wasn’t exactly lookin’ at the road, if you know what I mean. (Now you don’t think that was ol’ Cooter’s idea do ya? Things had been a mite slow…)
Anyways, the two girls work for Boss Hogg, out at the Boar’s Nest, to help try and make ends meet, and keep up the payments, not only on the farm, where they live, but on the General Lee, their orange ’69 Dodge Charger, which they’d seen being towed to a scrapyard, and had fallen in love with, on first sight. (Girls is like that, sometimes. They take a fancy t’ things, y’know.) They’d had to get a loan to buy it, but they got it, and their cousin Davy, who lives with them, too, had helped them fix it up, and now it was one of the sights of Hazzard County. Two pretty girls running around in this bright orange racing car. The doors had been welded shut, which meant they had to climb in and out of the windows, but nobody ever commented on it. (Especially when they got a look at Bo’s legs as she swung out of the driver’s side!)
Now, them two girls was almost as much of a draw at the bar as the beer itself, and Boss knew it. Any time them girls and their cousin caught him out in some crookedness, all they had to do was threaten to quit, and he’d do just about whatever they wanted. They did cut him some slack, though, and didn’t threaten to quit too often, since he was an old moonshinin’ buddy of their late uncle’s. (Their uncle died some years ago, leaving just the girls, their cousin Davy and their Aunt Jessica, whom most everybody calls Jessie, to run the farm.)
Jessie’s plump and white-haired, which, when she’s in a joshin’ mood, she tends to blame on the cousins and the things they get up to, but she’d give you the shirt off of her back if’n she thought you really needed it – and her cookin’ is known throughout Hazzard. ‘Specially her pies! Mmm-mm!
Davy, on the other hand, is a little shorter than his cousins, and somewheres in the middle, age-wise. Medium built and brown haired, and good-lookin’ enough that he’s never without a date on Friday and Saturday nights. He’s a real nice fella, and the girls sure do like him a whole lot. Course, all o’ the Dukes is popular. They’re good people and folks just naturally take a shine to ’em.
It’s just the way things goes, in Hazzard County.
Life’s About Changes
I did not come up with the last line of this story, that tribute goes to Patty Loveless the line is from her song ; “How can I help you say goodbye”.
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The spring days with their beautifully colored flowers of pink, red, purple and yellow turned into a dry summer with brown grass. The usually somewhat active small town had become a pratical ghost town. The only activity to speak of was the hard working farmers, tractors could be seen working the land in the outer parts of the county in the early morning when there was a respite from the oppressive and relentless heat that would come later in the day.
Blanche had also gotten into a new routine that was more in line with the habits of the rural area, which was earlier than before as was starting the day keeping in line with the areas normalcy, learning canning and sewing, leaving behind her privileged ways of life for simpler more productive ways that made her feel as if she had accomplished something at the end of the day. The old Hogg house had also underwent some changes, it might have been the biggest house in Hazzard but, it was no longer the uninviting expensive place it had been, the rich, plush rugs had been replaced by casually ordinary looking area rugs and the ornate couches and chairs replaced by comfortable furnishings, however these changes remained true to the home’s original Victorian style.
Despite its dingy exterior appearance, the owner Cooter Davenport was a cheerful man and, helpful. The Busy Bee Café seemed to be the town gathering place to meet up with friends and, the food was good too. Blanche had found this out by eating there often in the beginning after her move to town. Shaking from her musings, Blanche stepped back from the window and, over to her walk-in closet. Donning a pair of light blue stone washed denim shorts, carnation pink silk button down sleeveless shirt with a pair of shoe-box flip flops adorned with pink rhinestones, Blanche moved back over to the bed, making it then heading from the room calling to the little Chihuahua;
“C’mon Espresso,”
Heading downstairs with the little dog in tow, toe nails clicking a fast staccato on the honey colored wood stairs, Blanche clipped the pink harness on the dog going out the front door, picking up the neatly folded, morning newspaper from the walkway on the way back inside after the dog had finished doing her business. Removing the harness once back inside, placing it in the wicker basket that sat on the table by the front door, muttering to herself.
“Hope the forecast is right and, it rains today. The plants sure need it and, it might cool things off too.” She said absently to no one in particular.
Sitting down on the comfortable hunter green couch, Blanche unfolded the morning issue of the Hazzard Gazette reading the front page headlines. Tractor Stolen getting her attention right away, Blanche kicked off her flip flops tucking her bare feet up on the couch next to herself along with picking Espresso up from the floor, sitting the little Chihuahua on her lap as she read. The article said that Harry Henderson’s tractor had been stolen from the hay field in his south 40 acers. Not only had the green John Deere tractor was missing but, the hay bailer that was hooked behind it. No tracks had been found leading from the hay field to the road that ran in front of it, so the equipment must have been loaded onto a waiting trailer or something and driven somewhere else so no one could trace the theft easily.
Uncurling her feet from the couch, folding the newspaper neatly laying it on the coffee table, Blanche removed the little dog from her lap setting the bundle of dark fur on the floor, putting on her flip flops once again and heading for the kitchen, giving her left thigh a pat calling to Espresso;
“C’mon Espresso, let’s go make breakfast”;
smiling to herself, Blanche reflected life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same.
Please Pardon Our Appearance!
Howdy folks! If you’ve stopped by recently you’ve noticed Dukes of Hazzard Fanfic.com is going through a transformation. Got a fresh coat of paint on the place and a bit of a new layout. I’m still in the process of renovations but all your favorite Dukes of Hazzard fanfiction stories are accessible via the “Stories Archive” section. Soon, you’ll find stories listed by Author and you’ll be able to find stories via various categories, such as cannon and non-cannon, crossovers, ect.
There’ll be some dust and debris, but the site is still open so continue to enjoy the fics! Y’all know how to maneuver around construction sites in Hazzard anyway right?
And if you’ve written any Dukes of Hazzard stories and would like to post them here, by all means contact me! maryacltrn@yahoo.com.
Families Stick Together
by: Essy-Jane
Tonight, on the Dukes…Imagine stepping into a new world where nothing is as it seems. Jason Steele is back in the County but something’s a little bit off about him. He’s got bad guys on his side. Not only that, Jason is training them to be thieves. Does that sound like the Jason we know? Bo doesn’t think so either. Is this a look alike or has Jason’s brain really gone twisted? Luke Duke got the police job but with the job comes problems. How did he get this job and who are these people on his tail? But folks don’t forget about the wedding and the birth of twins. We’ll find the answers to these questions as Jesse, Jo, Jose and yes even Lilly help out on this adventure. Don’t worry, all will be well…after all families always stick together *COMPLETE*
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12